Hit any women lately?

>>82334122
I enjoy giving my gf and female friends light spankings when they've been "naughty."

I hit women daily
but only at the end of the day

WHY DON'T YOU GET OFF YOUR BACKSIDE AND GET A JOB?!

>>82334618
*throws envelope at you*

>>82334853
*Gets in the face of person being berated*
*Bouncers back up Jeremy*

>>82334911
*teleports behind u*

>>82334911
>she can do so much better than you, you're a waste of space. get off my stage
>audience cums in their pants

Do the participants get paid well? Why would they go on this show?

SEE THAT SIGN OVER THERE? IT SAYS "THE JEREMY KYLE SHOW"

>>82334122
Just you

>>82334955
OH HERE WE GO, IT'S THE KYLE OLYMPICS! WHY DO I EVEN HAVE A STUDIO?!

>>82334944
They pay for the privilege of being on the show

>woman gives her sob story
>everyone boos the man as he comes out
>jeremy insults him without even wanting to hear his side of the story

I'M GOING TO USE THIS LIE DETECTOR TEST AS THE WORD OF GOD EVEN THOUGH IT IS WIDELY CONSIDERED INACCURATE BY MOST OF THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY AND ISN'T EVEN ADMISSIBLE IN A COURT OF LAW GET OFF MY STAGE.

>>82334122
Jeremy Kyle is a freak show parading around white trash shitheads for the pleasure of its bourgeois audience

File: tumblr_mhx1hbfgKS1r2g7mto1_500.jpg (21KB, 500x334px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 500x334px

>>82335009
>it turns out he passed every question

>>82335021
>Thinks people who are dumb as bricks can outsmart a polygraph

>>82335009

B-but women have it worse in society!

File: teeth-2.png (308KB, 604x401px) Image search: [Google]

308KB, 604x401px

.." awright Jewemy, yeah right I met Rob like free weeks ago and like, I fink he's cheating on me wif anava woman froo facebook an I wanna lie detectar test init".

*audience boos Rob*

>audience laughs at male abuse victim
>jeremy tells them off
>audience applauds
are they literally just robots?

File: Jeremy-Kyle.jpg (22KB, 615x410px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 615x410px

>>82335105
>

>>82335021
>>82335070
>Polygraphs measure arousal, which can be affected by anxiety, anxiety disorders such as posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), nervousness, fear, confusion, hypoglycemia, psychosis, depression, substance induced (nicotine, stimulants), substance withdrawal state (alcohol withdrawal) or other emotions; polygraphs do not measure "lies".[10][24][25] A polygraph cannot differentiate anxiety caused by dishonesty and anxiety caused by something else.[26]

Literally anyone who has practiced self calming exercises/meditation can fool a polygraph. I mean I'm not saying I could if one got sprung on me right now but If I ever did something wrong it would be one of the first things I'd do.

but yeah this annons right >>82335070
They are all druggie chav scum.

>the one time they have a guest who isnt fucking deformed
>it's treated as breaking news

File: pepe-off.png (184KB, 426x567px) Image search: [Google]

184KB, 426x567px

>It's a Scottish episode and you don't understand a word

PUT SOMETHING ON THE END OF IT

AT THE END OF T'DAY

>>82335239
I can't understand the English half the time on there desu

>>82334944

Woman from my hometown was on there, they pay for food, accomadation and travel. Thats it, no juicy fee.

People do the show because its a free day out and hotel and a chance to be on telly. Woman in my town went on for a lost relative episode, nothing juicy.

File: 1454446052375.jpg (10KB, 234x250px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 234x250px

>It's a "the friend is 10x louder and agressive than the plaintiff despite only having one side of the story and no evidence here no there" episode

File: 1444864539831.gif (1MB, 480x270px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 480x270px

My estranged sister tried to take my mum on there for alleged abuses she inflicted on her but we told her to fuck off and she got declined since there would be no show with just her and whatever half informed friend she brought on.

>>82335256
It was £250 quid and all expenses paid. Well it was 10 years ago.

I had an Irish mate (pisshead) who was gonna go on there with his ex wife and invent some drama for the £500 and trip to Manchester. He never did, but they'd been in contact with the show.

>bloke gets beat by his wife
>audience laughs
>Jeremy pulls out a gun and starts firing into the crowd
>audience applause

>>82335385
ROFL

File: 1487733286064.gif (727KB, 500x330px) Image search: [Google]

727KB, 500x330px

>>82335239
>Geordie episode

>yes Jeremy, he fucked my sister, my mother and my granny
>and you're still with him?
>i lov im to bits, Jeremy

>it's a 'guest runs off stage just to cause a scene and not to actually leave' episode

File: pow.gif (500KB, 500x213px) Image search: [Google]

500KB, 500x213px

>Itsa rehab episode
>The junkie and her family all spends 30 minutes begging Jezza for help
>He says nope I don't think you can go 6 months
>They plead and Graham comes on and sweet talks Jdog.
>He gives in and they all go to the garage, say their heartfelt goodbyes while the Junkie is loaded into a car and driven away

>A pop-up appears at the bottom of the screen
>"Junkie left the 6 month rehab 3 days into it"

>repeat every other episode.

>someones moneys been nicked from the house
>whole family on stage
>Jeremy singles out the obvious smackhead and puts on the pressure
>"I swear it wasn't me Jewemy I'm telling the twoof"
>shady cunt sitting there in brand new Reeboks sweating his tits off and saying nowt
>results time...
>goes down the line one by one
>the shady cunt was.... innocent!!
>it was the daughter all along!!
>fuuuuuuck

>>82335414
kill yourself

>>82335597
I dont wan't to, Clay

No, Mister Kayl

File: 1454454614924.png (11KB, 411x387px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 411x387px

>They pass the sexual contact question
>but fail the sexual intercourse question

File: rm.png (808KB, 1366x704px) Image search: [Google]

808KB, 1366x704px

>It's a 'the guest manages to leave the studio completely and get outside' episode

>>82335663
kek

>>82335664
Thats rare. More often than not its for attention and they stop at the nearest seat they get to to wait for Jezza to come chasing them.
>he doesn't and they slowly come scuttling back on stage
the best episodes.

>Backstage guest chase in progress
>They pass a random man in a suit standing by a door

Always wonder if the poor cunt is there for a job interview and accidentally ends up getting on ITV

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T FOLLOW YOU COS HE IS WORTH A HELL OF A LOT MORE THAN YOU ARE, SWEETHEART

>How sure are you that he's the father?
>1000% Jeremy

>The DNA test shows.... that he is not the kid's biological father

>>82335133
They're about one monkey brain smarter than the people who go on the show

WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE LITERALLY 100% OF YOUR MONEY IN CHILD SUPPORT EH?

>>82335133
The audience isn't a single entity

>>82335031
>bourgeois
If it's anything like a UK version of Jerry Spring or Maury, then it's a freak show parading around white trash shitheads for the pleasure of its white trash shithead audience.

>>82335904
I was unemployed and on benefits for a few months last year and I got literally diddly squat to live on and would have been homeless if not for me mum yes I knew a single mum who got hundreds upon hundreds of pounds more than me on top of getting a free council house with this and that already payed for her. And yet if she was my split up partner I'd be having to give half my money to her too according to Jeremy to be a good father.

Jeremy is a fucking joke sometimes.

>>82334853
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ieJokKvZhs8

>>82335975
That's exactly what it is.

File: 1421277446109.jpg (30KB, 210x210px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 210x210px

>>82336435
>throw it at me, I throw it at you, your mum

Dirty little Tea Leaf

>>82335976
Typical person on benefits
Always some unfair problem in the system in your way

>>82335976
The majority of single mums with council houses are either mentally ill or just terrible people with some exceptions

File: 282491_1.jpg (21KB, 281x351px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 281x351px

LISTEN UP YOU WASTE OF SPACE BECAUSE I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONCE

GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, GET OFF YOUR BACKSIDE, KICK THE DOPE AND STEP UP AND BE A MAN

>I'm tryin jeremeh fing is

*drowned out by audience applause*

>fing is jeremeh

*more applause*

NO

NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES, AT THE END OF THE DAY THIS IS ABOUT HIM

*points to television screen showing small baby*
*audience AWWWW*

THE LIE DETECTOR RESULTS ARE IN.

You dirty little lier.

Post talk show compilations

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALpOzyKCWOo

>>82338148
test says you were lying you dirty little tea leaf

>>82334122
Only yer mums arse while I was ploughing her from behind, lad.

>>82338148
INADMISSIBLE IN COURT, JEZZA, SHOVE IT UP YER ARSE!

>>82338275
Haha OP here. Fuck off leave me mar alone you nonce.

File: corbz.gif (756KB, 250x203px) Image search: [Google]

756KB, 250x203px

>>82338302
She luv'd it, m8

I think the word nonce is criminally underrated on 4chan and FYI it's now my favourite word.

N O N C E
O
N
C
E

>>82335105
Those can't be real teeth

>>82338372
Look at this ponce

>>82335021
>it's a Jeremy red pills all the male audience members episode

How does he get away with it so brazenly

>>82338372
/brit/ has the power to make nonce the new 'cuck'

just had a thought - the wordfilters ARE STILL FUCKING HERE

>>82338447
I was definitely one of the first to use "f.a.m" on here, especially famalam.. It's an S.E London word, Peckham, Lewisham, New Cross etc I used it shitposting on /b/ for a few months before the filter, left for 6 months, came back and it had spread like an std and changed to senpai.

My claim to fame, famalamalamalamalam.

>>82335133
My mates been in the audience before, they have a prompter to tell them what to do, he was laughing at one part when they wanted another reaction so one of the crew told him to stop

>>82338372
>>82338447

It's prison slang for sex offender if any foreign anons didn't know

>>82338188
What bothers me is that the focus is always on whether it's the man's child or not.
Like bitch, when are YOU going to get maternity tested?

I spank my gf 10 times each day.

>>82340926
for eveery upvote will you give her a spank from us lads?

File: IMG_3481.jpg (84KB, 600x542px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 600x542px

Up next on Jeremy Kyle, we bring a benefits scrounging smack head in a cage for the middle class audience to point and jeer at with contempt!

>>82340971
Every (you) = 5 spanks lad

>>82340877
Well, the woman usually notices when a child falls out of her vagina.

>>82341055
hope this is not a trick mate

>>82341118
in the US new born babies are taken to a nursery away from their mother for a few days
mix-ups happen in about 20% of cases

File: IMG_3482.jpg (554KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

554KB, 500x500px

>when they have attractive, well spoken people on the show

>>82341175
Jeremy Kyle isn't made in the US though. Well the US version is but who gives a shit about that.

File: IMG_3483.jpg (36KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 1280x720px

>>82341233
>all the guests on the US version are black

Can a brit here explain why you say 'innit' all the time? I know it means isn't it, but seriously you say it all the fucking time even when it doesn't make sense.

>>82341522
Literally no one says innit outside of East London

>>82341522
It just means "right" or "know what I mean". Like how Canadians stereotypically use "eh". It's not that common though.

>>82335419
WHY AYE MAN. DEEDLE LEEDLE LEEDLE LEE.

>>82341522
https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/16336906.pdf

It's a special grammatical marker, like enunciating a full stop.

Jeremy should get this gentleman on the show

https://youtu.be/ybsNqnqP-CU

File: Withnail-And-I_2893455b[1].jpg (57KB, 620x387px) Image search: [Google]

57KB, 620x387px

>>82338403
What fucker said that?

>deadbeat dad who says he's not the father comes on stage and sit
>crowd boos him
>"Alright, you haven't even said word and I'm already sick of you."
>Jeremy walks right up to the father sitting down and places one foot up on the arm rest
>"I'm teach you how to be a man."
>Jeremy unzips his trousers and pulls out his cock and balls through his fly
>"oi, wot da fuk!"
>security quickly grabs the man and holds him down in this chair
>the man is confused and visibly distressed
>Jeremy's massive swollen dong inches from the man's face
>"I see bums like you every day. You want to know how you can get on the right path."
>"Get off your backside."
>audience begins applause
>"Kick the dope."
>audience is standing and screaming
>"And get a job."
>the whole building his shaking from the roaring crowd. A riot is about to ensue
>"m8 I don't even do drugs!"
>I'm not the father! Just look at that!"
>on screen is some little black baby that looks nothing like him
>security pushes the man to the ground and holds him down
>"I can't stand liars, you need to be taught a lesson."
>Jeremy stands over the man and begins to mount him
>Jeremy's cock is now fully engorged and hard as rock
>he proceeds to penetrate the man
>disoriented by the deafening sound of the audience, The pain from Jeremy horsecock entering him and the look of mother nodding in approval.
>the poor lad blacks out.

>>82341775
>police officer
Please don't tell me you think that's a REAL policeman, anon.

>>82341522
Bastardized version of "Isn't it?"

>>82341775
NHC should be fire bombed.

>Now, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but...
>that baby is black

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGH1pAQ6Q0s

>>82339608
It's slang for pedo everywhere in the uk

File: IMG_3487.png (98KB, 640x1136px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 640x1136px

>>82343496
ROONEY

File: 1474323457644.jpg (250KB, 1181x854px) Image search: [Google]

250KB, 1181x854px

>>82334122

>>82334122
I hit my ex once and made her cry

>not even irish