>he doesnt listen to senseis albums while driving to and from work

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>>81923874

Perfect babymaking music desu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVezEEMXsqo

Is this music kino

>>81924117
Thanks to sharing a wall with my parents bedroom, I can only get it up to the sound of my dad grunting like he's taking the biggest dump ever

>>81923874
>It's a Seagal thread

Bumping. We haven't had a good one in a while.

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>>81923874

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>It's 2017 and Seagull still continues to release kino.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEFvSVUGpOg

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Steven Seagal threads are the only fun on /tv/.

>>81923874
I had a crush on him during Hard to Kill tbqh

>>81925895
>he doesn't enjoy Obi-posting
>he doesn't enjoy sheevposting
>he doesn't enjoy cinema stories
>he doesn't enjoy baneposting
>he doesn't enjoy driveposting
>he doesn't enjoy raimiposting

wew

>in Special Forces, you know, we say something like, you know, there's this phrase that's common among OPERATORS, we say: adapt and overcome
He's fucking delusional.

@18:10
https://youtu.be/3YDvGy0-p9M?t=1082

>>81923874
>11 years since his last album

Is he preparing his magnum opus that will change music once and for all?

>>81924533
I didn't know Seagal turned to making porn

>With it’s bombastic action scenes and hammy dialogue, you would have thought The Expendables series would be an ideal vehicle for Seagal.

>However it seems that his absence from the trilogy is because the Under Siege star isn’t a fan of some ‘funny’ members of the cast.

>When asked by Big Issue why he hasn’t starred in any of the Sylvester Stallone blockbusters, he said: ‘I just didn’t like some of the people involved. Life is too short to work with funny people.’

What did he mean by this?

>>81923874
>driving to and from work
Not everyone is a mindless piece of shit cog in the machine

>>81925895
When the fuck did he do that?

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Required viewing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfNW1ERej0A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rrR9Rtq8CY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLe_BZ1mo3I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2B9jyZTp4w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1il9FT5eZ0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y434mL2B1Zg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhITLxD595c

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuqpR7BK3M0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1RvU8UR38

Required reading:

https://theflyingguillotine.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/the-ridiculousness-of-steven-seagal-part-1/

https://theflyingguillotine.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/ridicuousness-seagal-part-2/

>>81926352
umm your forgot pest posting sweetie

>>81926625
He means they all hate him and he wasn't invited

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>>81923874
D R O P P E D
R
O
P
P
E
D

>>81926625
>Life is too short to work with funny people

fucking enlightened

>>81927788
what the fucvk

me want the punani sifu work all night

if this was a YGYL thread Iw ould have been defeated

He's not bad live. I think he'd benefit with a little fuzz added to his guitar.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYvRJ2vffsI

>>81926878

Pestposting isn't fun. The only good meme material is from the intro, and you can't really make daring syntheses with it like the others.

>>81926525
u jelly you're not an operator ?

Just watched Killing Salazar and End of a Gun the other day. More solid performances by the 21st century Casanova.

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Can someone explain why Slavs seem to love Seagal so much?

>>81929275
We have great taste.

>>81926525
what is really going on in his head to be so full of himself, and lie so much

>>81926625
>What did he mean by this?
Gays.

>>81929275
pea-brain whiteniggers are easy to impress

>>81929275
Can someone explain the secret of his hair to me please? I thought it was just a toupee, but now I see that he throws that magic dust on it too in the front. But he didn't have enough hair in the front for this to work, so I guess it's transplant+magic dust?

>>81929514
Ancient Chinese secret.

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*Blocks your path*

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>>81929719
Not bad. Watch this.

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>>81929750

>>81929514
I'm pretty sure it's pubic hair transplanted on his scalp; Notice how the place where he used to be bald is now covered in scraggly hairs that won't stay straight and don't grow very long. The contrast between the real hair and pubes is really obvious in some pics.

>>81929719
Consul Han?

>>81929750
this upsets me because the intro before that scene, where the camera slowly follows through the arches to reveal the courtyard, actually looks really nice and should be in a much better film

>>81929810
But even with that there's a whole box of magic dust on it, I don't understand why the combination method instead of just one.

It does appear that his hair in the front is short and weird, but that might just be normal balding hair, if his natural hair is curly/wavy which it is, then the bald spots that have short hair that falls out before reaching full length would look like that too.

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>>81929810

>>81926625
he wasnt invited and is making excuses

>>81929810
>>81930062

oh jesus

this is disgusting

>>81929514
In crude terms, he paints his scalp black. Makes his toupee/plugs look full.

>>81924533
Imagine being her in that scene and having to be all like "damn, Stevie Seagal, you fuckin' fine, all sexy with your fat doughy body and that old bloated seal face. I would totally have sex with you, both my character and the real me." when all she really wants to do is another porn shoot with Chad. Like seriously imagine having to be her and not only twirl that fucking dress around while Steven Seagal tries his best to get an erection in front of you, the XXXL shirt barely concealing his planet-sized belly and droopy man tits, and just stand there, take after take, hour after hour, while he perfected that look. Not only having to tolerate his monstrous fucking visage but his haughty attitude as everyone on set tells him he's STILL GOT IT and DAMN, STEVEN SEAGAL LOOKS LIKE *THAT*?? because they're not the ones who have to stand there and watch his obese fucking marshmallow face try contort into any type of emotion besides complete disinterest. You've been fucking nothing but a healthy diet of low-rent producers and bargain-bin directors and later life-sentenced pimps your ENTIRE CAREER coming straight out of the crackhouse from your 20's. You've never even seen anything this fucking disgusting before, and now you swear you can taste the sweat that's breaking out on his balding fucking hairline as he sucks it in to squint suggestively at you, smugly assured that you are enjoying the opportunity to get paid to stand there and revel in his "holy (for that is what he calls himself)" beauty, the beauty he worked so hard for with his donuts in the previous months. And then the director calls for another take, and you know you could just end your life right there before the studio security could stop you, but you sit there and endure, because you can't act and your career is going nowhere. You're not going to lose that next bag of coke over this. Just bear it. Hide your face and bear it.

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>>81930062
>>81929810

>>81926525

When was he ever in "special forces"? Is he confusing his movie roles with his real life?

>>81930173
So it is a combination of magic dust and transplants then. Why not get more transplants instead though?

This is the magic dust I'm talking about btw:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUPYArRCXls

>>81929514

Just to clear things up definitely

theres a video of tom arnold on youtube of him talking about how Seagal uses a black marker on the front of his fake hairline and the rest if just a hairpiece.

He found that out when someone pulled a prank on him during the making of Exit Wounds, he fell in the water, his fake hair got lost and all he could see was his bald head with some black painted on his hairline. Someone has to shop that.

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>>81930318
He's legit.

>>81926525

>they called me in the morning and they said "You're amazing"

He is so humble.

>>81930274

amazing

>>81930348
Yeah, I think you're right. Idk, he's a fat old man now. Maybe he just doesn't really wanna put in the effort of more transplants So he just shakes some dust on it every so often. Possibly convenience/laziness?

>>81926625
Jews and niggers. ((((funny people)))).

>>81930348

How the fuck does this technology work?

>>81930576
They explain it in the video you fucking bald retard.

>>81930545
Seagal is a Jew and a gigantic wigger, it's just that everyone else in the movie industry hates his guts for being a lunatic egomaniac

You know for a minute there I thought my friends from /tv/ were making of fun of good ole poor Stevie

>>81930576
It's just powder that clings to your existing hair and makes it seem like there's more of it.

>>81930636
>implying they dont just hate him because he's a yid who took the redpill and saw the tribe for what it was

>>81930645
Not a chance.

>>81923874
Went to a BB King show years ago and about mid-way through King announces he's going to have a special guest come out to play with him. Who comes out the back but Seagal himself in his full weeaboo regalia. Dude wasn't too bad, he actually held his own pretty well next to King, but I was definitely not expecting him to be the special guest.

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>>81924117
>people make fun of seagal but at the end of the day he is still like a millionaire with a pretty sweet life and can be a 8 year old playing around with swords and machine guns

>>81928680
>Tfw to intelligent to work with funny ppl.

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>>81926625

>>81930274
woah
how did they do that? why wasn't this nominated for best vfx?

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>>81930387
>honorary black belt
I think this part got me the most

Thats a remarkable picking technique he's got (thumb only) reminiscent of Level 42 bass supremo Mark King.

I think there is some sort of CIA thing that prevents him from using a plectrum in a built-up area.

Considering trying it but I have a nasty feeling it won't work for me without spending five years at a Shaolin temple learning it.

>>81929795
"there can be only one"

>>81931591
kike trickery

>>81929461

*inhale*
*walk*
*inhale*
what happened?

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>>81929750
This movie was honestly one of the more bizzare ones that he was in.
iirc he's just randomly in contact with an orphaned girl who gets kidnapped and tried to be put into the sex trade before steven saves her and then they ride happily into the sunset
their whole relationship was bizzare as fuck

>>81932614
Someone recently posted a video of him giving an Aikido demonstration where was literally just walking around and occasionally lazily pushing people over. He had a towel stuck into his gi jacket, and he kept taking it out to wipe off all the sweat he was working up.

>>81932626
Yeah, it seemed to be his thing for that year. Playing le ex-cia or whatever who had a thing for kids but DEFINITELY WAS NOT A PEDOPHILE.

Baby the way you waik is so hot
Let’s have a shot of rum
Then I can make you come with me
To the ocean
That would be phat

is steven a lyrical mastermind

>>81932626
>>81932855
There's a rumour/open-secret that one of hollywood's tricks is to cast up-and-coming actors in films shot in Bulgaria (I think?) where the age of consent is like 14. And then the producers not-so-subtly 'help' the actor fuck a 14 year old. But they secretly film the encounter
They now have footage of the actor engaged in an act that would destroy their career and essentially "own" that actor forever

I feel like this probably happened to Seagal but he never ended up in a state where they'd have to blackmail him to get anything done

>>81933029
>I feel like this probably happened to Seagal
Probably. He has a long history of sexual harassment and abuse allegations from his costars. I wouldn't be surprised if he was taking advantage of laws like that.

There are also rumors about his movies being money laundering fronts for eastern European crime organizations.

>>81933029
>>81933264
Yeah I heard he was laundering money.

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>>81933264
>all the 'thug' extras in his movies are actual thugs

>we never got an absolute kino comedic segal role because he always took himself too seriously

unless you count his movies as unintentional comedy. but i really think he missed his calling. imagine a jackie chan - segal flick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qnTiFqZu5Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7cUxI4XHhs

an actually catchy segal song

>>81929719
kek that asian's acting is legit worse than seagal, literal school project tier

>>81933503
I can imagine this being some Jewish scheister's ringtone.

>>81933633
YU A GWAI LO!?

>>81924533
daily reminder that he had an actual painter paint a huge-ass picture of his album cover to hang on the wall for this scene

someone post the """"""""dancing""""""""" webm please

>>81925895
remember that he raped a bunch of women, shit his pants on set twice and allegedly ran a trafficking operation of ukrainian women

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GfRkg3pLeg

KINO
I
N
O

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>>81923874
>When you don't appreciate his music from the crystal cave

>>81924117

why are his clothes still on

>>81926770
you should add this to required viewing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbRMqd3n3-o

>>81933856
Don't forget about the time he killed a puppy.

>>81926893
>that one cut with a stuntman with different clothes jumping through a window on ground level

>>81929750
>that eagle screech as they run past eachother

>>81923874
really needed a good laugh today thanks OP

>>81933929
THANK YOU ANON I KNOW WHAT IM WATCHING TONIGHT

>>81934030
it's kino

>>81933930
what? whats the story here

>>81933929
>THIS...is rock and roll
>clearly added in post-production
what the fuck were they thinking

>>81934159
>a-list actors bow to Seagal
>rumored to be in contact with Russian mob
>rules over hollywood with an iron but fair fist

>>81934159
when he did his reality cop show, he demolished a guy's wall (with a tank maybe?) and killed his dog in the process

I wanted to leave this here just in case one of you missed his ground breaking exercise in advanced kino:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E1NFckaDqU

>>81934313
griminal sgum ur under arresd xDDD

>>81934359
why is that woman having sex with the wine bottle

>>81934313
Pretty much this. For his show, he drove an armored car through the wall of a chicken farm to arrest a guy. The guy later sued Seagal for killing dozens of his chickens and shooting his 11 month of old puppy.

>>81934313

Why do Americans allow celebreties to do this? Just give him Police status? I don't understand...

>>81934475
freedom aint free

>>81934458
That was his wife at the time

>>81934359
>>81934458
She looks like a younger more attractive version of Jamie Lee Curtis in true lies
>IMAGINE

>>81934521
dese streeds godda be lidderd wid blood of chigens and pubbies :D

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>>81934588

>>81934359
That's when Seagal peaked lookwise. He looked rather cute tbqh

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Should I buy the album?

>>81935000
>Who Let The Punani Out (with Dey Tookér)
fucking kek

I saw him live a decade or so ago. It was actually pretty entertaining.