Terrible theater experiences

>>81600725
Sitting near single men in a theatre without a no singles policy. It really ruined watching Finding Dory, because I was worried about my vagina being filled against my will. I just knew the 50 other people in the theater would do nothing and continue watching the kids movie or watch me be groped. Now I only go to good theaters with feminist policies.

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>go see paranormal activity with hot scene girl named audra. First date
>kids behind us constantly talking
>getting mad because autism, more mad that I am too scared to say anything
>kid makes a comment about pig squealing scene, hear him say "that's a ten out of ten in a death core band"
>core music sucks but I hear audra audibly sigh, get even more mad because m'lady.
>starts kicking the back of my chair. Kick. Kick.
>I am visibly shaking with rage
>it finally stops
>KICK
>I no longer can take it, however I can't bring myself to say anything
>because of being pissed about the kicking and being pissed about myself being a coward, I go into some kind of autistic meltdown
>begin rocking back and forth as far as the chair will allow, while loudly grunting and snorting like an angry bull
>face is beet red and pure rage, teeth are clenched while rocking and grunting, breathing so hard saliva is flying out between teeth
>popcorn falls on floor, Pepsi spills on audra
>stop and collect myself, half the theater is literally turned around glaring at me because of how loud I was snorting
>audra is looking at me in shock, I don't think she even realized he was kicking my chair. This came out of nowhere for her
>after the movie is done take a piss, come back out and she is gone
>text her "hey great movie, can't believe I was so scared and freaked out like that!!! Haha" exact words
>call after two days and she'd blocked me through her phone company

The movie sucked anyway.

>>81601257
Rest in peace, autism man.

I remember when I was younger I accidentally sat in a girl's lap when I went to see a movie. I'm haunted by that day.

>>81601301
Did you at least sneak to the family restroom, bend all the way over backwards and sniff the seat of your pants to catch the residual vaginal fumes, and if lucky, maybe the hint of her braps?

>>81600725
>watching the force awakens in early february
>the only other person in the theater is a single woman
>she is seated a few rows in front of me
>keeps looking back at me because i guess she's afraid i'm going to rape her or something
>don't want the movie to be ruined for both of us so i get up and leave

>>81601404
Wow, what a puss.

>See Shin Godzilla in Downtown Los Angeles

>Almost entire theater is Asian people with autism

>Literally dozens of people checking their phones every 5 minutes

>One person stays on their phone for the entire movie.

>Suddenly realize I'm one of the only people in the theater who is actually watching the movie

>>81601533
Dude, there's a reason they rent assault rifles in the lobby. It's in case you forget yours at home.

>>81601869
They were all out, the bins were completely empty so I had to settle for a used slingshot I found at the bottom

>>81601404
>not raping her

you coulda gotten away with it anon, the no one would have heard her screams through the doors and in their own movies

>Go see godzilla
>alone, as usual
>guy behind me takes socks and shoes completely off, props them up on either side of my head
>feet are fucking RANK, I'm fighting gagging
>lean forward and turn around as to not put my face right in his sick foot
>"excuse me sir, can you please take your feet down, I'm trying to enjoy the movie and it's distracting me"
>This mother fucker seriously just smirks and keeps eating his popcorn
>I wait a second and slowly turn my attention back to the movie, kind of in shock
>nowhere else to sit, this is opening night, theater packed
>5 minutes go by and I can't take it, I'm on the verge of throwing up
>do the forward turn again, "sir, plea--"
>get shushed loudly by soccer mom two seats away
>sit back angrily. I have to actively focus on not throwing up
>scene comes where godzilla does the huge roar
>as its happening I turn to his left foot and deeply sniff his toes, slide my tongue from the bottom of his heel all the way to up and plunge it in between his toes, all under a second
>foot yanks back violently "WHAT THE FUCK???"
>I run out of the theater when I notice everyone was looking, sobbing as I run down the steps
>throw up in the trash can in the hall
>group of teens staring and laughing, I'm extremely embarrassed
>tears in my eyes and puke on my chin I don't know how to react so I do the godzilla roar at them and run out of the theater

I will never go back to that theater, ever.

>>81602938
Damn I wish this story was real.

>>81602938
>so I do the godzilla roar at them

Did you plant your feet? What did you do with your hands?

>>81603175
My feet were planted fully but my legs were still a bit shaky from being embarrassed. I kind of had my head and upper body bent foward and my arms were pointed out and tucked I

I'm sorry for ruining X-men: Apocalypse lads, but the joke was worth it

>>81603966
Elaborate

>to into theater showers
>no private stalls

Awful

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>>81601340
>the hint of her braps

>go see Power Rangers
>last show of the night
>theater half full
>20 minutes into the movie they come
>two teenagers
>talk all the way to their seats
>talk sitting down
>talk while they shift around
>lean seats back and pull out giant bedsheet
>fashion crude tent and begin taking selfies
>fucking selfies
>in the middle of a dark theater with the flash on
>giggle and take selfies in their bedsheet tent through rest of movie

I know I shouldn't care, it was fucking Power Rangers, but the complete lack of respect for the other people around them drove me insane.

>>81601301
When I was younger, I followed some random guy to his car without him realizing, thinking he was my dad. Though I've recently done more autistic shit than that, it hurts when dad brings it up and laughs about it.

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>had to get up to leave for the bathroom 4 times

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>having vacation in the US
>go see the new Kong movie
>theater completely full
>sit at my designated seat
>theater security approaches me
>he says they overticketed seats
>now they need a spot for a popcorn shambler
>since I'm breaking singles policy I'm the first in line for seat retaking
>tell them I've paid for my seat and will not leave
>they call other 5 theater cops
>dragged out of my seat
>also cracked my head open somewhere
>thrown through the back door
>they tell me to never come back
>cry myself home

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>>81600725
I haven't had any really terrible theater experiences because I don't go to the theater that much, but I'll give it a shot.

I saw power rangers last month, and during the trailer for Transformers 5 one of the autistic neckbeards sitting behind me was mumbling about how it looked pretty cool because of the nazi stuff early in the trailer. He equated it to (insert franchise I can't remember the name of) with nazis. I seem to remember him saying the word hydra, but I could be mistaken. Then as soon as it became clear what movie it was, he started saying NOPE, NEVERMIND, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I THOUGHT IT LOOKED COOL AT FIRST BUT NOPE, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE in that self righteous way autistic nerds talk when they want to reassure everyone around them that they would never dare to see such a movie, like their reputation could be damaged or something, even though he was there to see power rangers. He wasn't even trying to be quiet either. I know it was during the trailers and not the actual movie (he was quiet during the movie), but still, his autistic voice was annoying to hear.

>>81604140
It's embarrassing enough to have to get up once.

>>81604018
Fuck, do you remember that scene when Magneto asks Xavier "what do you do when you wake up at night and you get the feeling that your children will be taken away"? Well immediately after Magneto asks "What do you do after waking up after that?" I whispered to my friend "jerk-off" and he and I started holding our laughter, and stopping ourselves from cackling like a bunch of retards

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>>81604219

>seeing rogue one while home for xmas
>packed theater, all seats taken
>dad is aspie and has to sit on the end of the row, so our group takes up the last 6 seats
>mexican family of about 12 people taking up middle of row
>little kid right next to me keeps talking asking about the movie
>mom tries to keep him quiet but gives up around the middle of movie
>mom has to take him to bathroom every 20 minutes or so, i politely stand to let them pass each time

here's the good part...

>last two trips to bathroom, 14/15 yr old sister takes kid, i don't stand and make her climb overmy knees
>i get total knee to ass and thigh contact four times, twice leaving and twice coming back
>i don't remember the last 40 minutes of the movie, when we got home i said i was tired and jacked off like three times thinking about it

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>>81604398

>>81604443
I don't remember zach galifinakis in a movie like this...

goes to cinema
coughs every 30 secs for the entire film

>>81604518

Deleted scene from Hangover 2.

>>81604704
I'm not so sure about that anon

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>decide to go to the theater to see The Dark Knight Rises
>no singles policy so i'm nervous
>walk to the theater gym to clear my mind
>tip the receptionist $50
>pull out my copy of Starting Strength from my bag
>every rep I thank the lord zyzz I am not a manlet
>notice the watch tower guard eyeing me off
>get to the counter
>the woman looks at me strangely
>she wheels out a whiteboard and tells me i can come in if i sum all primes up to two million
>i manage to do it after many hours
>the woman asks if i want any food for the movie
>"for me it's the mcchicken, the best fast food sandwich"
>she tells me i'll be seated in channel 4
>head down the hall way and make a quick stop by the murder cube room
>ALL HAIL THE GLORIOUS MURDER CUBE
>i finally sit down and get ready to watch 2 hours of booktubers telling me about how good Infinite Jest is
>but first there's the complementary play through of In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
>the audience claps
>the entire time there is someone wearing a Shareblue shirt screaming nonsense from the corner
>i'm pretty sure all of this shit i have to go through just to see Bane is some kind of jewish trick

>>81604398
sounds like a gewd time to me

>be watching Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with this dickhead friend of mine
>gets to the horrific rape scene
>entire audience is horrified, could hear a pin drop
>friend leans over to me and whispers in my ear "I'm sorry, is this We Bought A Zoo?"
>burst out into laughter
>everybody in theatre looking at me like "what the fuck?"

>>81604398
How was the ass

>>81604972
The ass was brap.

>go to see Age of Ultron
>during previews guy in front of me keeps yelling ridiculous shit and is obviously hammered
>"when will the FUCKING PREVIEWS END"
>movie starts but he keeps saying stupid shit loudly
>"let's have an ORGY"
>other people are yelling at him to shut up and he calls them faggots
>mid-rant he bends over and starts puking in the aisle while iron man fights people in a castle
>smell of his chunder is absolutely horrific, like popcorn and french fries and beer
>people begin a mass stampede away from him and out of the theater
>I myself am dry-heaving as I stumble through the exit doors

watched the whole movie months later and it was garbage so I guess I should be thanking Chunderman

>>81605068
Mmm... Yes my dear..

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>>81605077
Previews are one of my favorite parts of seeing a movie. I'd be fucking pissed

Also
>chunder

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>Go see midnight movie
>a trash flick about some vampires
>doesn't start for like 50 minutes
>ticket boy came already up and asked if anyone wants popcorn
>take another small bag
>movie starts
>friends fall asleep early in the movie
>wakes up four fifth into the movie
>"Who are these people?!"

>Sit down to see a movie
>Lean back in chair
>Feel some resistance
>Whatever
>Start to feel kicking
>Whatever
>Eventually hear "Can you STOP leaning back!?"
>Turn around
>"Wut?"
>"I said can you stop leaning back in your seat!"
>"Why?"
>"IT'S HITTING MY LEGS!"
>Look at her legs
>She's sitting with them folded so they're sticking out too far and thus are
>Start to get pissed
>Want to call her a cunt and strangle her
>Instead just grimace and stew the entire movie
>After two and a half hours of uncomfortable upright sitting the movie ends
>Lights come up
>Consider following her out of the theater to confront her
>She's probably no older than 14
>Sitting next to some burly old guy who is probably her Dad
>Holy fuck
>Walk out of theater with my head down
>Spend the whole day thinking how lucky I am to not be dead
>A month later still wishing I'd strangled her

The last time I went to a theater...
Watched Liar, Liar with Jim Carrey.
Never again went to a theater.

>see fun with dick and Jane with friend in the 8th grade
>bored as hell
>in the glow of the theater see friend flip a Mike and ike up into the air
>catches it and slaps it onto the back of his hand like a coin toss, pops it in his mouth
>had to stifle back laughter for a half hour

>>81605077

Because of him you wasted that night on it and then when you watched it later, he doesn't deserve your thanks

>watching X-Men Days of Future Past in theatre
>about 20 mins before the ending Shanice and her 4 kids walk in and start standing off to the side
>it was a quiet moment still in the film so everyone hears her telling her kids; "Our film is after this one so we'll just wait here okay."
>these kids are all around 6 years old
>the big final action scenes happen, loud noises lots of violence
>her kids get scared and start crying throughout the ending of the film
>nobody near her had the balls to tell her to fuck off
>I wasn't near her but her kids were crying loud enough to ruin everyone's experience, had I been closer I could've told her to fuck off instead of having to yell over the sound of film itself and her 4 spider monkeys
>seemingly the people stationed outside the doors went on a smokebreak and she was able to get inside
>never went to that theater again

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>go to see Logan 2 weeks ago
>haven't left the house in a few months and become dizzy and disoriented from the bright lights of the theater in the ticket line
>"are you ok sir?"
>old black security officer who looks and sound like Morgan Freeman is looking at me
>"y-yeah I'm f-fine-"
>I stop and see in his eyes and see total empathy and understanding
>break down in tears
>he holds me while I cry and people are starting to stare
>don't care, we must have stood in the ticket line for 20 minutes while I explained all my woes and anxieties between wet sobs
>he calms me and just looks down at me with a smile full of mirth
>"its gonna be ok, I just need you to wake up."
>I'm confused
>"wake up? what do you mean?"
>"wake up, wake up"
>"WAKE UP"
>wake up on a straw bed in some dimly lit dungeon
>apparently I passed out and hit my head in the ticket line and they threw me in the popcorn mine for trespassing.
I still haven't seen Logan

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>>81604398
>comfy in seat
>guys girlfriend gets up to go to bathroom
>her ass impales my face
>look over at her boyfriend

still a virgin 24 years later

>working concessions
>get a delivery from the milk guy who barely speaks English
>he mentions something about "chocolate milk for the kids" in broken English
>I nod and smile thinking he's trying to tell me kids like chocolate milk
>as he's doing his delivery I step away from the counter to do some sweeping
>delivery man walks by me and says "chocolate milk is there buddy!" and I smile and give him a thumbs up
>get back to counter and I see he's left an entire fucking milk crate of chocolate milk in small cartons on the counter
>I now realize he left the milk for me
>I think back to my orientation which stated that no employees were to accept handouts
>I could tell the supervisor but then the nice milk man will get in trouble
>so I decide to throw all the milk in the garbage and pretend it never happened
>the next milk delivery the same guy comes back and says "You have-a da money?"
>"n-no? Would you like to speak to the manager?"
>"No buddy I give you the milk last week"
>"...no you didn't"
>now he gets angry and starts yelling at me that I stole his milk
>"I s-s-swear I didn't I don't know what you're talking about"
>at this point people are starting to stare
>manager comes over and tells the guy to calm down, the delivery guys tells my manager that I stole a carton of his milk and didn't give him any money for it
>manager has no idea what any of this means and asks the delivery guy to leave
>"Man, what the hell was his problem? I'm gonna call Agropur tomorrow and file a complaint."
>"Y-yeah I have no idea what he meant"
>next delivery it's a new guy, and I never see the old one again

I'm still not really sure what it was all about. I think I unintentionally agreed to sell some stolen milk in some kinda mob-like fenced chocolate milk front. Or maybe he just forgot his crate there and I autistically panicked and chucked it in the trash.

>>81605759
BRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPP

>>81604972

>How was the ass

Imagine being born underground. Imagine the world has been destroyed by nuclear fire and humanity survives in subterranean super-cities. Your entire life has been lived under artificial light, you've slept in a room with an artificial heating unit for warmth... you've never been outside the metal walls. Then one day you are selected in a special lottery, and you're awarded the greatest prize granted to the public: you can leave the city for a few minutes, and see the surface world. You're standing there in the dark exit chamber, nervous and excited at the same time. Suddenly the air lock hisses open, you smell grass for the first time in your life, hear birds singing. You step outside and feel wind on your skin, feel soft earth under your shoes. And then you see the sun.

The sun was the light from Diego Luna and Bunnyfu being exploded, right at the end, and glowing white virgin skin of cg Carrie Fisher, eclipsed by a near perfect sensual curve of the girl's tight jeans. That my friend, was the ass.

>when someone presses the waiter button by everyone's seat and some manlet runs across to take his order
>they order a burger, fries, wings beer, spinach di, etc...
>the waiter scans his card right there and makes him sign for a tip
>this happens over and over during the whole movie

>When its like 10pm and you're watching a movie and the waiters come out and announce that the kitchen is closing
IM WATCHING A MOVIE HERE

>>81606133
I usually just spring for spicy popcorn shrimp, maybe a pilsner and some truffle-oil popcorn. Makes shit way easier

>>81605905
Those cartons were probably filled with narcotics you unwittingly agreed to distribute. You're lucky you aren't lying in an unmarked grave somewhere along the mexican border.

>>81606133
Don't go to movie grills/bars

What a horrible invention.

never had one

>>81606459
Good thing I don't live in America then. Such uncivilized brutalism isn't tolerated up here.

>>81604239
"Geeks" and teens are literally the worst thing in the theater.

You wanna know how they make movie theater popcorn? Butter salt. Boom never go to the movies again and deal with retarded teenagers

>>81606705
What about the station with delicious white cheddar seasoning?

>>81606477
>>81606477
yeah, i feel bad for the waiters too, probably like every movie gets spoiled for them

>on holiday in india
>decide to catch a quick kino at a nearby cinema
>see this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_DLN4NmY7Q