>leave milk out >blame it on batman HAHAHAHAHAHA LOCK ME UP

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>say I'm gonna go to AA
>I'm actually drinking right now

IM SO DAMAGED

>>81495489
>Masturbate when I go to bed.
>Mum rushes in to ask why I'm making baby noises.
>Pretend to be asleep.

SOMEBODY STOP ME

>>81495489

>buy bag of almonds
>never activate em

CALL THE COPS

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>>81495583
>almonds
>not cashews of chaos

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1003B, 145x16px

I've never seen a post in these threads beat pic related.

>mom tells me to go to bed at 9 pm
>stay up until 10 pm

HAHAHA I'M CRAZY

>cashier tells me to have a nice day and come back soon
>be miserable and never return
CLOWN PRINCE OF CRIME, BABAY!

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>at the movie theater
>ticket person breaks my ticket and tells me to enjoy the movie
>movie sucks and I don't enjoy it

I'M DA JOKAH BAYBEE!

>job interviewer tells me to tell him about myself
>proceed to recount the tale of Darth Plauegis the wise
>he tells me to leave and never set foot in the building again
>go back the next day and yell "IRONIC!" at his face
m-m-m-m-m-mad mad mad m-m-m-m-m-m-mad-mad-ness

>>81495489
>see fags having fun in thread
>report it
:^)

>>81495537
Literally me

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>>81495696
My pet rabbit will eat dog or cat food if I leave it out during his daily play time.
He ate a mosquito corpse once, too.

>>81495489
>>81495537
>>81495551
>>81495583
>>81495649
>>81495696
>>81496175
>>81496358
>>81497118
>>81498038
Jesus christ I know it's 4chan but can we please dial it back?

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>customer asks for a couple of icecubs in his drink
>only put in one

THROW AWAY THE KEY

>stare down my bully during lunch hour

IM DANGEROUS

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>>81499019
>anon asks to dial it back
>turn it up to numbah uhleven babay!

>know that I have to work tomorrow
>stay up to post in a joker thread past 3am
SOMEBOOODDDY STOP MEH!

>>81499455
Get some rest, Anon! Think of your health!
You're tearing this family apart

>should have went to bed
>I'm still up well unto the morning

IM LOCKED UP

>could have a life
>shitpost all day instead

>>81495489
>Eat breakfast at 11 PM
INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE

>make joker thread in 2017

HUMMANA HUMMANA SOMEBODY STOP ME

>stop in the streeet and ask busy people for the time
>actually don't give a shit about the time
LOCK ME UP

>return VHS I rented
>Didn't rewind it

CALL THE WARDEN

>>81500878
UH OH >>81499455
THE MADMAN DID IT AGAIN

thread is making me lol

>>81498868
wtf is on that cat's face

>>81505022
>VHS
>in 2017

ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>its common to leave a 15% tip
>leave 14%
OOOOOO SOMEBODY STOP ME

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>>81495649
>cashews of chaos
holy fuck they can't be serious

>get banned for posting off topic thread
>reset router and post it again

JUST CALL ME MR CRAZY

>sign in bathroom at work says all employees must wash hands before returning to work
>wipe my own ass with my hand after I shit
>don't wash before returning to work

SOMEBODY FIRE ME

>Keep my socks for at least 4 days straight till they have a rancid smell

MY GRAVE WILL NEVER BE FILLED SO KILL OR BE KILLED

>>81506580
>get a warning
>continue to break rules
SOMEBODY STOP ME

>>81495649
>adding caffeine and taurine to fucking dried fruit and seeds
why are americans so fucking retarded?

>>81498868
Dude, calm down, you're out of control

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>Say I'm going to improve my grades
>Skip class and masturbate in the bathroom

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

>>81495489
TOO FAR