WILLIE WHY WERE YOU SMOKING CRACK AND HAVING SEX WITH HOBOS?!

>>81313524
>"..alf...come over here." says willie, gesturing for alf to sit next to him on the couch.
>alf climbs up and plops his fat harry ass on the middle cushion next to willie.
>"..alf..oh,how do i put this?" willie says while adjusting his posture to face alf comfortably.
>"the crack was something i found....ahh..laying around in the driveway one day as was taking the trash out. an-"
>alf shaking his head and holding it down as willie tells this obvious lie.
>"i'm goint to stop you right there,willie." says alf motioning willie to stop with both his large harry hands.
>"look. i know where you got the crack and i know why you like..oh how should i put this, the penis."
>willie's eyes widen a bit. "oh... you do?" he says while rubbing his chin anxiously.
>"yes. i do. and i don't agree with it one bit." alf says as if he is some kind of moral guru."
>there's a pause and they both sit there and look at each other.
>"well?" ask willie.
>" y-." alf is interrupted by a knock at the door.
>*tonk* tonk* tonk*.
>"you know the drill alf." says willie up and making his way to the door, relieved slightly of the situation.
>willie turns to make sure alf is no where to be seen before he opens the door.
>"alf!. get the fuck outta here and hide, alf. for the love of god!" says willie desperately waving alf out.

i'll keep typing till i get burned out. i'll let you all know which post is the last one unless the thread dies before that.

>>81314780
<"all right. all right. i'm going." alf says as he is sliding down off the couch. "but don't think you've gotten out of this,willie.". and he scurries off into the kitchen.
>willie lets out a sigh of relief ans peeks through the peep hole.
>willie's eyes widen and a look of fear and panic befall his face as he turns and backs up fast against the door.
>"hello?" the cop outside says and uses the knocker again.
>*tonk *tonk *tonk.
>"this is officer cartman and officer gibson wi-.."
>"shit! they've found me! i don't know how but they found me!" thinks willie in a panic and paranoid state. he makes a bolt to the kitchen thinking he can get to the garage and drive off in the wagon and be gone before they know it.

>>81315420
>alf is face deep in the fridge rummaging around for anything to satisfy his hunger when willie zooms by without saying a word.
>"what the?" alf says starlted and looks out around the fridge towards the door to the outside, catching a glimpse of willie.
>he makes his way cautiously to the service window to peek into the living room.

>>81315836
>he sees someone by the window trying to see in."hmm.who could it be to scare willie like that?" he says aloud and begins making his way towards kate and wilies room.

>>81315992
i take it no one is lurking this thread then? am i wasting my time? please say it aint so.

File: alf tattoo 1 out of 138.jpg (156KB, 500x375px) Image search: [Google]

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My buddies and I all got ALF tattoos once...

>>81316065
cool. i take it your the op?

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>>81313524

because of.. YOUUUUUUUUUU ALF!
YOU'VE RUINED THIS FAMILY! YOU EAT SO MUCH I HAVE TO WORK OVERTIME EVERY SINGLE DAY!
YOU BREAK EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH, YOU GOT ME ARRESTED BY THE POLICE, THE FBI, THE CIA, AND SOMEHOW EVEN BY THE MOSSAD!!!
YOU NEARLY GOT BRIAN ABDUCTED BY THAT PEDOPHILE WHEN YOUUUUU THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A NICE PHONE FRIEND!
YOU SOLD NAKED PICTURES OF LYNN TO PLAYBOY IN HOPES THAT SHE WOULD GET A MODELLING CAREER OUT OF IT AND YOU COULD MOOCH OFF OF HER,
YOU PINCHED HOLES INTO MY CONDOMS SO NOW WE HAVE A THIRD CHILD, YOU SOLD TAPES OF KATE IN THE SHOWER VIA MAIL ORDER, YOU SHAVED OUR CAT YOU DRAGRACED WITH OUR CAR AND YOU PEED ON MY COLLECTION OF AFRICAN NUDIE MAGS!!

THAAAAAAT IS WHY I SMOKE CRACK AND HAVE SEX WITH HOBOS!.

>>81316164
This was always my favorite part of every episode.

>>81316164
fuck lmao.

>>81315992
>kate meets alf just outside of her bedroom door. they both pause and hear the willie drive off in the wagon.
>"alf." kate says with a look of suspicion and annoyance. "what is going on?" she demands.
>"beats me." alf says while shrugging. "i just asked willie about his crack and ho-" he cuts himself shout and puts his hands over his mouth realizing he screwed up.
>"what did you say, alf!?"
>"nothing important." he says nonchalantly. "whomever's at the door really spooked willie."
>kate ignors what she hopes alf didn't say and pushes alf out of the way as she makes a hasty walk to the front door.

>>81316630
>alf enters brian's room and shuts the door behind him. "heyyah, alf!" brian says excitedly.
>"hey bri. what are you too, my boy?" alf asks while walking with some swagger towards brian's bed.
>"nothing much. just waiting for lynn to get home."

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You. Just. Know.

>>81313524
...cuz you ate all the pussy...

>>81317134
>the knocks at the door turned into bangs just as kate got there.
>*BANG*
>*BANG*
>*BANG*
>"OK!" shouts kate as she opens the door.
>she is taken aback at seeing lynn in handcuffs and held tightly, by officer gibson, by the arm.
>"ma'am." says officer cartman as he pushes his hat brim up a bit, "is this your daughter?"
>it takes kate a second to respond. "y-y-yes. yes. lynn is my daughter. what's going on?" kate ask concerned and holding back tears.
>"ma'am." cartman says resting one hand on his night stick and the other on his side arm. "we caught your daughter turning some tricks down on 6th street behind the 'rusty trombone' pawn shop.
>kate can't hold back her tears any longer and bursts out sobbing and falls to her knees.

>>81317961
>alf and brian can hear kate sobbing and decide to investigate.
>they peek around the hallway corner to see to police man talking with kate while lynn sits on the couch.
>brian and alf sneak back to brian's room and shut the door. "gee, alf, i wonder what lynn did to get in trouble by the law?" brian ask with concern for his big sister.
>"i don't know, bri." alf responds. "say do you know where your father goes on staturday evenings?"
>"why yeah,alf. he goes to that men's club in town. why do you ask,alf?" brian ask alf quizzically.
>alf sighs as he lowers his head, shaking it and putting his left hand covering his eyes and right hand reaching to brace himself against the bed.
>"whats wrong, alf? something wrong?"
>alf doesn't answer right away.
>"alf?"

sorry. this is the last one for this time. its starting to storm where i live and my satilite keeps loosing signal.