American Dad quotes

>>81059770
Seth MacFarlane was supposed to board one of the four planes involved in 9/11 (forgot which one) as punishment for making Family Guy
American Dad was his bargained-for exchange
Also he's the reason I could no longer fap to Dillion Harper

>Rogers a dirty cop? Hes been on the force for three hours!

>Thanks for ordering me something
>Thats the cream.
>Explains why it went down creamy.

>Hey boy. Put that tub of mannonaise in my car. I'm gonna make it my girlfriend

>Chaz, can you take me home? I shoulda just had sex with that mayonnaise

>So, is Chaz gonna be ok?
>What? No....

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>>81060135
wtf, it dropped my webm

>Wait, but you picked the name Nemo. That doesn't make any sense!

I don't know, but the whole exchange when they find out about Nemo's parents is hilarious to me.

>>81060876
Steve speaking Aramaic(?) as he attacks Stan is great as well. Generally the scene where the Stan, Steve, Hayley and Nemo have crashed through Greg and Terrys window and Stan just screams at the child "THE HELLSPAWN MUST DIE".

>>81061436
>Oh no. Terry. They broke the figurines.

Or maybe it was Greg.

>>81061436
MENNETEI MENNETEI
SATANNA SATANNA

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Best episode y/n

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>>81062394
y

>>81059770
> Unhand that child, underwater molester clown

Hot summer sidewalks

>>81062394
"looks like I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie daisies"

>>81059930
>Also he's the reason I could no longer fap to Dillion Harper
I can't fap to her because her IQ is obviously below 100.

>I said kill them, kill them all! Yes, yes, them too! Also them!
>No, not him! That's me!

>>81059930
Whats the deal with him and Harper?

>>81062394
Top 3, easily.

>It looks like I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsy-daisies.

>Cheesers came back.

Machado was a cold bastard, but he was good to his men. Once you drew blood for him, you were set. Hooch, blow, girls. Not women, GIRLS. Little bitty things

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>>81062583

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc_mjbItSTE

>Betty Crocker bakes caaaaaakes.

I fucking died the first time Stan took Steve up the stairs.

>>81062712
Oh. This I can live with.

>>81060172
fucking hell that slayed me the first time I saw it

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A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES TO THE BLIND WOULD BE AWFUL MAJESTIC

Almost anything Bullock or Principal Lewis say are laugh riots.

>Gotta take this. Its my homie Slick. Okay. Bye Slick.
>Stan. You didn't tell Slick I said hi. He was my homie first.

>what's his name?
>he doesn't have one
>what? how?
>he... killed his own name

>It ain't me literally starts playing

>>81062913
>You couldn't get me The Tickler or Pillowhands McGraw?
>Nuh uh! Not me! I ain't no scab!

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>>81062796

>This isn't an ambulance, it's a GODDAMN HAMBULANCE

>sniz on the reg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY3drFkr3w8

*sobbing*

>>81063114
>STOP SAYING THAT

>oh steve. i was expecting your mother to open the door.
>well she didn't.
>it feels like a warm hairy peach
>you know the worst part? i can feel your heartbeat

American dad introduced me to some great songs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51CO2S1TGDs

>>81063343
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMyanZNdptc

>Steve, how many times do I have to tell you? If children get less than 8 hours of sleep, their boy glands emit a pleasant berry scent that attracts pedophiles.

[later]

[guard sniffs]
>Mmmm sweet berries. Hey, champ, get enough sleep last night?

>Absolutely not, I'm zombie dancing with my son

>my elbow feel funny. my elbow...feel strange

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>>81063343
>>81063432
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bpdwwa7lsUI

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My body all over your body, babe

>>81061436
>>81062379
The way he cheerfully yells "SATANA SATAY!" at the end after crashing through the window is hilarious

>>81063343
>>81063432
>>81063620
>American Dad introduces this kind of great music effortlessly
>Meanwhile Family Guy and Simpsons have to bring in Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga and every singer in between and it still falls short
Why is American Dad so much better?

>you hustlin' me, boy?

>>81063762
>>Meanwhile Family Guy and Simpsons have to bring in Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga and every singer in between and it still falls short
And don't forget special guest star: Some Football Player

Ricky Spanish...

>>81063762
I found the My Morning Jacket episode annoying, actually. It felt like it only existed to advertise the band.

>>81063905
Hey that "Some Football Player" has a flavor of Monster named after him that tastes like it wanted to be Redbull but got hit too hard in the head at the peewee football league.

>>81063762
>Why is American Dad so much better?

Less input from Macfarlane. Literally all he does is the voices, and the political preachiness is kept to a minimum. American Dad was a terrific show from seasons 3 to 6, not coincidentally when Family Guy was at peak popularity and Macfarlane was focusing all his attention on Family Guy instead.

Basically, the less work Macfarlane does on the show, the better it is. He's a great voice actor and a solid singer, but as a writer he's utter shit.

>Tell ya boy Jeff he's got two more of these

>>81064129
this

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>>81064129
Fun fact: my cousins boyfriend looks like a male version of Mia Khalifa. Hes in a band and had a My Morning Jacket shirt on.

Prior to that episode, I thought it was a fake band like chuck mangione

>>81063620
fucking amazing
was in awe when I found out they are a real band and it instantly clicked with me
god bless whoever pitched that to the guys running the show

>"Stan, I'm about to get raped, come pick me up in....45 minutes"

>>81064129
My Morning Jacket is a real band? I thought they were made up for the show.

lave las manos

>>81064129
As opposed to Wax Fang? It's not like MMJ paid MacFarlane to have an episode about them. Quit being douchey.

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>>81063062
that scene really caught me off guard

>>81064303
*lavate las manos

It means "wash your hands", or literally "you wash the hands" (but because of Spanish grammar it's saying that you wash your hands). I first saw that episode in Spanish, and they didn't change the language or explain the joke for that line and it confused the hell out of me

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>tfw no playful, ditzy and loyal fuck-bunny wife

why is Francine the best cartoon mom? would you a Francine?

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He's got red eyes from smoking weed

>>81064625
my chin isnt big enough for her huge vaginny-gin

>>81064625
I'm surprised that Francine is consistently so stupid. Feels like a bizarre deviation from the typical "dumb husband, smart wife" formula that basically every sitcom follows. As stupid as Stan is, he's still much smarter than Francine.

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>>81064625
Francine is T H I C C
>>81064905
And as a result she comes across as a much less annoying character than Marge or Lois, who do nothing but nag.

>>81062762
>Roger: Did Chaz make it?
>Stan: n....no...

>>81059770
"We were kids, man! Buckle couldn't find his legs! We were gonna go cruising when we got home... We were gonna go cruisin' in his Solara, man!

>>81063620
>this nigga enjoys American Dad too
How about you drop your trip so I can not find you absolutely despicable? Taste wise you're my nigga but that thing's got to go

>>81061436
>Steve stop speaking Aramic, it's a dead language

>>81065034
>Forgetting the episode where she becomes a super smart marine biologist and just play Beetman

This show really peaked when a leftist became President of USA and the show's writers stopped using it as a vessel to take cheap shots at politicians they didn't like. Like basically as soon as Obama got inaugurated, the quality of the show went up so much.

>>81065376
True, she's smart if she tries. Yet again another thing Marge and Lois don't do, they prefer to complain and be demanding of the husband.

>that episode where Stan almost has sex with his daughter
>that episode where Stan almost has sex with his son
>that episode where Steve makes out with Haley

So much incest in this show

The whole "Stan Bullies Steve" episode was top-notch

>Stan singing "Drops of Jupiter" while casually driving away after Francine tries to kill him

>>81062394
>HE TURNED WATER INTO FIIIIIIIIIIIIINE

>>81064265
>Chuck Mangione
He has, like, 30 albums

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>>81059770
*the episode where the gay neighbors dad comes to visit and who is unaware of his sons sexual orientation
>yea terrys girlfriend locked us in this room it was pretty quiet up until i turned on skinimax
*terrys dad thinks that francine is terrys wife and that stan and greg are gay together
>terrys dad to stan: yea just father and son enjoying a man plow a woman, i bet you only like this 50% of this you fairy.... *in a very stern voice* i like this 100%
lol hardcore porn watching faggots btfo
boy girl scenes are for people in denial about being gay and in the closet

>>81062394

It's up there.

>>81062394
I think the best episodes are the ones about the country club. The one where Steve re-enacts the Vietnam War, and the one where Stan works as a landscaper while Roger abuses him.

>wow, that homeless guy from the bus station is hung!
>but I already knew that

>>81059770
That last one is shit though, I hate when they explain jokes

>>81062712
>fap with volume turned down because not alone in house
>Dillion Harper always makes that grimacing face every time
>hear Peter's laugh every time she does it which is every time

>Snot, you be in charge of the money
>Steve, you watch Snot because I don't trust Jews

>>81062394
Yes

>>81065034
>that episode where Roger made Francine and Haley catfight to see who's the prettiest in the house
and for the record roger was the prettiest in the house

>>81060135
>explains why it went down so cream-eh
The way he says it gets me every time

>>81060876
>I named him Nemo after the main character of my favorite book.....the novelization of the movie finding nemo

>>81068608
Kek, I don't think you fully understand the conext of the joke. It's pretty brutal.

Fran Drescher was brutally raped with her friend by robbers who invaded her apartment, her husband was forced to watch, she got cancer and her husband is now gay.

>It did not end well. But then again, nothing did for Fran Drescher.
That's the joke.

>>81062905
>Hello Shia Labouff! I loved you in holes! I'm just kidding smith I knew it was you, you look ridiculous

>>81059770
>NATHAN! This is why you keep getting molested!

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What the FUCK was this guys problem?

>>81065451
It got better after season 1 though

>>81069916
Really? I thought that it didn't get better until season 3, which iirc was in 2009. There really is a dramatic increase in quality once Obama got in office, although to be fair that was the same time that Family Guy really hit its peak so McFarlane was devoting all of his attention to it.

>>81063062
HE'S PIGS!

Cheezers came back.

>>81064533
That's my favorite AD moment

El perro, el perro, es mi corazon.
El gato, el gato, el gato no es bueno.
Cilantro es cantante,
Cilantro es muy famoso
Cilantro es el hombre con el queso del diablo.

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>>81062394
I love this one, but Lost in Space is also so good.

The amount of detail to the aliens, and making sure Roger's species isn't just a generic looking copy/paste of him.

>>81065794
>"YOU T-BONED ME BRO"

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Bryan "The Home Invader" Lewis, aka "The Basement Creep", aka "Midnight Lace"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-kiZwF_qJo

runner up:
STELLIO
STELLIO CANTOS

>>81066578

Getting PTSD from a war reenactment is the best comedic premise, fuck

>>81065571

You're forgetting all the times Steve and Francine are teased.

And Steve jacking it to Haley's nudes

I'm pretty sure the only combo not teased is Haley+Francine and I might be wrong.

>>81066207

>WHISTLE A SHOWTUNE YOU DRAG QUEEN!

>>81069604

Jesus, how've I never heard of this

OLLIE NORTH
OLLIE NORTH

>>81071370
HE'S A HERO

>>81065794
>TELL ME
>DID YOU SAIL CROSS THE SUN
>DID YOU TRAVEL TO THE MILKY WAY >AND SEE THE STARS ARE FADED, AND HEAVEN IS OVERRATED

>>81062394
Vietnam war reinactment is the best but this is a close second, lost in space is probably the 3rd

Am I the only one who tries to guess the costume Roger will have in the intro? Also the opening when Roger isn't in costume and Stan freaks out about it was great.

>>81072301
There's way too many costumes, I doubt you got it right more than once

>>81062796
spanking is #1 underrated fetish

>Looks like you're outta weapons
>I don't need one, I had the clams.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEDvRbSiWC0

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SOME PEOPLE STAAAND IN THE DARKNESS
AFRAID TO WALK INTOOO THE LIGHT

>>81062905
Principal Lewis gets the best lines

>FIGHT FIGHT FIGH- I mean break it up
>Snot you have one strike and your out
>wait no it's three strikes
>you hear that kids you get 2 free fights and I expect you to use them

>>81074868
>Are you saying I didn't graduate from F.U.B.U.?

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>>81063620
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rgp1NnXOpgE

*honk*

FUCK YOU

>>81066578
bathtub episode fa'm

>>81075037
sorry i meant hot tub. literally just came out from a bath

>>81062750
UNCLE GWEN!

>HE'S PICKING UP SO MUCH SPEED

>>81060135
>tell claus i said SUP

>>81062492
>POCKETROCKS!

>>81070240
>>81065451
The actual reason was near the end of Season 2 they picked up a bunch of writers from Futurama after it got cancelled (the first time).

>>81075057
it's so good

>Chuck Berry me, over Germany

>>81066578
Isn't the county club and landscaper one the same episode? He works at the country club to afford a membership.

>Reginald: Are you ready to apologize yet?
Bullock: I'm apologize...to the maid staff at the Holiday Inn after I [long sequence of bleeping].
>Reginald: You just said that. You have a mother, and you said that. [Steals Bullock's phone] I'm gonna call your mama and tell her what you said.
Bullock: ...no...

>Steve: That's right dad! I'm a wild man! Awoooo! Awoooo! Awooo[Van Helsing like character breaks through the bedroom window and aims a crossbow at Steve.]
Werewolf Hunter: Die werewolf!
>Stan: No wait he was just pretending!
Werewolf Hunter: ...What?
>Steve: Yea I was just pretending!
Werewolf Hunter: Don't do that! I don't need this. This is very serious what I do.
>Stan: We know, and we really appreciate it.

https://youtu.be/X-6lmbbjUNE?t=3m7s

>>81076431
Kek i remember busting a lung first time i saw this

>[Stan comes through the door and Roger slaps him.]
>Roger: Behold! A grown man weeping!
>[Stan hits him with a chair and walks off.]
>Steve: That was your plan?!...Roger are you crying?
>Roger: Yes I'm crying, he hit me with a chair!

>>81071111
>Doctor: It appears your son has PTSD.
>Stan: PTSD? But he was only in a war re-enactment!
>Doctor: Oh. Then he must have PTWRSD. Post-traumatic war re-enactment stress disorder.
>Stan: Is that real?
>Doctor: I've never heard of it.

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>Anon loves the lost in space episode but dislikes Rick and Morty

>OH MY GOD! PALS THAT I KNOW!

>>81075002
I fucking still find it hilarious looking back that an American cartoon introduced me to Perfume

>>81076994
>implying the two are even remotely similar outside of a sci fi setting

>It's raining wise men. Hallelujah

I was disappointed that the antichrist didn't turn out to be Bullock, Roger, or even Steve. Feels like a missed opportunity.

>>81076211
Two different episodes

>Vietnam: Steve wants to sing the national anthem so Stan takes him to war

>Landscaper: Stan works at the country club at the side, Roger is already a member, they have a fight over Steve and there's a lesson about hard work or something

>the scene when Francine admits to being poor carrying a brick then goes into fetus position on steves bed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HKEFFifoQU

>>81059930
Jesus what a (((coincidence))) that he missed his flight. I wish died at 9/11

>>81081132
Kek nice one.
Also people who record a screen should shot

THERE'S SO MUCH CRIME IN THE DESERT!

>>81081262
>everything I don't like is reddit!
Try watching the show or just leave

>>81081567
why would I want to watch a reddit show I stopped finding funny at 15?

>>81059770
Stan: I'm gonna get the help I need...RIGHT AFTER I SMOKE CRACK ONE MORE TIME!!!
>jumps thru window glass and escapes

>>81076356
*wiped Hayley's excitement on the curtains

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somebody please post a list of all the great episodes

>I'm the one driving past Hebrew school baptizing kids with holy water!

>>81081682
Why would you enter a thread with 77 other people who find the show funny just to be a special little snowflake who is too intelligent and cool to enjoy it?

>>81081871
To tell you to go back to r*ddit cuck

>>81062394
>Hey kids I'm Ricky the Raptor and I'm here to tell you all about the Rapture

>You came BACK from jewish camp?

>LIFE... DISMISSED
https://youtu.be/XBWLQMDUP0w

>>81081994
>My grandfather was a train conductor at aushwitz

>....what? He ran the kiddy train at the zoo! Its a big town you know

>>81059770
>Wait, you came back from jewish camp?!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiD4yM5soco

I stopped watching when they left FOX. Is the TBS stuff good?

>>81059770
Reminder that Fran Drescher got raped by BBC while her husband was forced to watch. Google if you dont believe me.

>>81082716
The quality dips a little and varies more, but still some really good ones.

>>81062394
Double Y.

>>81076994

I like Rick & Morty but there'd be nothing comedic about a space station full of aliens made up of phallic/vaginal imagery who are all named "Bloopy Pooperson" or "Vulvanians" or whatever.

>>81081161
>I wish (((he))) died at 9/11
>no ricky spanish
>no stelio
>stelio kantos

>>81081814
>dat episode
>dat first lesbian scene in dat episode
>dat episode which began the santa saga

>THE THIGHS THE LIMIT

>>81082860
All joking aside that's pretty fucked up

> I Have the keys in my pocket you stupid biiiiiiiiiiiiitch

>>81064625
>Gimme some of that Franny fanny!

>>81084325
We all know Lois took it in the pooper, but is there any canon reference to francine doing butt stuff?

I know hailey did, but she has herpes and is not waifu material

>>81083520
i just looked it up, her husband is now gay as well

>>81082860
That is pretty fucked up, even by /tv/ standards.

>>81084488
so is your double dubs

>>81084441
/pol/ was right about everything

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>Mike you ended the boat tour in my office. UNACCEPTABLE.
>Fix this now Mike and Don't send your 20 YEAR OLD STONER SON..........I KNOW BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT MICHAEL! Look I went through the same thing with Lilly and she is at Yale now. Just talk to him...and but talk I really mean listen. And fix my dam lair you thieving bastard.

I was in a thread a couple of days ago a posted literally entire transcripts of A/D. If someone can find find it it may help just saying.

>>81085363
IM OFF MY MEDS!

>>81085395
>http://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/episode_scripts.php?tv-show=american-dad

MY NAMES ROBBY IM NOT ALLOWED TO STAY UP AND WATCH CASTLE!!!

>>81085363
>The villain's fortress gets progressively worse as the episode goes on

God I need to watch that again