American Dad jokes

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>They called me Stan Frank, because I was always hiding and writing in my diary.

>I know a jewish girl who wrote a diary once. It didn't end well for her. Her name was Fran Drescher. Hahahaha, you thought I was making a Holocaust joke! SHAME ON YOU!

>>80886531
Not sure what you could have possibly figured out. The statement is supposed to make no sense. They explicitly let you know this with Stan's response.

my personal favorite is when Stan is staring out the window and accidently calls Haley over to talk shit about her.

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>>80886810
I got that it was a joke, and a play on the typical "guy walks out before child is born" trope. It just took me a while to realize that it would literally be impossible for her to walk out before he was born, because she had to be there.

>Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.

>Steve, part of responsible gun ownership is disposing of bodies you kill by accident.

Is this show actually funny?
or is this just another /tv/ meme?

>>80887245
There's a sweet spot in the middle of its run, after Seth stopped writing and before it went to TBS. it blows any family guy, any bobs burgers, any futurama, and any 2000+ simpsons out of the water.

>>80887245
It started out as pretty lackluster, but the later seasons are legitimately good.

>>80886531
>american humor

>Here's my mobile, my home number, and the number of the women's shelter where I'm either volunteering or dropping off my bitch wife

>>80886810
Not necessarily. I remember this scene pretty well and Stan is more emoting that he's distraught that a mother would leave her own child "how could she do that (that's so horrible!)"

T E D D Y
B
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N
K
E
R
S

>>80886870
episode number?

>>80887356
Seth never wrote it.

>>80887500
100AD I believe

>>80887245
It's moderately funny, but I feel that it's overrated here. Most of the jokes that people quote only got a mild smirk from me when I was watching it. I think the main reason I don't like at as much as people here is I don't like the shock humor they have, even if it's light.

>>80886531
I don't get it.

>>80887245
Yes.
The earliest episodes are 'dude, republicans! Lol' but the show quickly grows out of that. There are even good episodes in the first season.
The later seasons are still entertaining, but pretty over the top.
Seasons 2-6 are pretty amazing, and there are still great episodes beyond that. For me, the show's run starts with Joint Custody and ends with Hot Water.

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>>80886531
Dr Pavel, I'm CIA

>>80887245
It's actually above average. Maybe even good.
The first and second seasons were not so good though.

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>>80887500
6x8

>>80887245
It's fantastic. Later seasons are a bit much but man the stuff in the middle is just great.

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>>80887641
He wasn't alone
You don't get to bring friends

>>80887641
Have they ever referenced the plane scene?

>>80887356

Futurama is far better in its early seasons and I like American Dad.

And *I* was that baby

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Stelio, Stelio Kontos

>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJ1ADWvK9TI

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>>80887709
>>80887715
First one to find the reference to the plane scene
Gets to stay on my aircraft!

>>80887798
shut the fuck up already

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Damn kids. Sometimes, I think I should've just stayed in Peru moving coke. Machado was a cold bastard, but he was good to his men. Once you drew blood for him, you were set. Hooch, blow, girls. Not women, GIRLS. Little bitty things...

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>>80887847
TELL ME ABOUT BANE WHY DOES HE WEAR THE MASK?

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> Are you crazy pushing me in the pool?! I have forty hits of ecstacy in my pocket!
>Buckle up, kids.

>Rogers a dirty cop? He's been on the force for three hours!

>Is Chaz gonna be ok?
>What?......no

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>>80887899
He Didn't fly so good, Who wants to try next!

>>80887709
Yes. There's a lot of nods to bits and pieces like that, usually from Rogers outfits.

He's dressed like CIA on two occasions, and there's another when he's dressed as Paulie from Sopranos. He's dressed as Gordon Ramsay in an episode about Stan opening a restaurant.

>>80888110
The one where he's wearing the dress that changes colors was great.

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CIA has a big plane

>>80887245
Honestly, it's alright.... I wouldn't be surprised if I laughed occasionally
>>80887356
Futurama and Bob's Burgers are both actually funny though.

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We've had this exact same fucking thread before and I'll prove it

OP with the same jokes and picture
>>80886531
>>80635312

Klaus post
>>80886587
>>80636359

Post about gag where Stan accidentally calls Hayley over
>>80886870
>>80639668

Is this a bot thread?

>>80888334
What the fuck. Keep up the good work.

>>80888334
Maybe just a dedicated autist? Like 25% of all /tv/ threads are just the same thing over and over anyway.

>tell me about bane
>what did he mean by this
>dc btfo
>vague reference to pedophilia
>"body of work"

etc

>>80888334
Jesus fucking christ im not botting at all man. Weird

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>>80888110
>>80888183

Did you forget there was an entire episode about "It Ain't Me"?

>>80888334
Nope, just a lazy OP

>>80888358
>>80888368
What the fuck it goes even deeper
>>80415693
>>80415779

>>80887245

The newer seasons are weak but it's a good show.

>>80887245
If you like the one type of joke they make, you'll love it.
>new scene
>characters back and forth a little of the "story" that's supposed to string together the jokes
>any character, usually stan or roger, will continue talking and changing the subject little by little in a monologue that finishes where they're completely off topic
And that's it.

>there's a bear in the house!
>i was in a house once. this was before we met, i was dating a celebrity at the time, this was before we met. she had these steve buscemi eyes. it was steve buscemi. i was dating steve buscemi.
some bullshit like that, constantly, every episode

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>>80888450
it's too late for you to stop anything now

>>80888110
There's a small bit in an episode where Francine is much older, and she sees her future self, with the white streaks in her hair. "When did I get Paulie Walnuts hair?"

>>80887245
In its prime (seasons 2-9) it was every bit as good as the other animated Fox comedies were in their own primes.

>>80888550
Seth MacFarlane get off 4chan

why is American Dad so good while Family Guy is so shit?

Seth shouldnt be allowed to write for his own shows

>>80886531
>and his mother left before he was born
>before he was born

I guess that's the joke

She left before she even gave birth to him - I don't rememeber this episode so I'm not sure who they're talking about but if this is the joke then it means the person doesn't exist

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>>80888733
Seth doesn't write anything at all whatsoever anymore. He MIGHT have been involved in the pilot episodes, but all he does is get paid to come in, voice, and sing.
The only joke he contributed to The Cleveland Show didn't even make it on. he wanted to call the show "Black Family Guy" and they wouldn't let him.

His mother 'left'(died) before he was born.
Meaning that his mother died in childbirth.

>>80888861
The joke is that a mother can't leave her child before he's born. It's ridiculous.

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>>80888861
Nope. The joke was that the statement is impossible. A play on a father leaving before the kid is born.

>>80886531
Only way for that to be possible is if there was a surrogate.

American Dad has always been at it's best when it combines random surreal humour, social commentary, extras and their characters and biting Political asides that allude to deeper CIA/Intelligence/US Geo Political satire that most Americans wouldn't be aware of.

Still better than Family Guy.

Also their film homages are brilliant.

>>80888733
>why is American Dad so good while Family Guy is so shit?

It's not. You rejected a popular show because the popular kids liked it. You saw American Dad was the less known show and decided to pick it up as if it was your lonely baby.

>>80888933

This is the best porn parody - it's legitimately a funny episode of American dad with some occasional fucking (yes, Rodger's dong is spray painted grey)

>>80888733
>why is American Dad so good while Family Guy is so shit?

It's not, really. Family Guy peaked really early, American Dad peaked in the middle, now they're just both mediocre.

>>80889066
They were on back to back for years. People can easily watch both and pick witch one they like better.

>>80888334
OP decided to make a whole new thread from one joke in that thread. What a little fag.

>>80887245
I been rewatching all 13 seasons lately and I legitimately consider this show in the Top 3 adult oriented animation shows of all time, right behind classic Simpsons (undecided on 3rd). Roger, Stan, Steve, Francine, Bullock, Klaus, Principle Lewis are all grade A character personalities and are consistently funny, even in weaker episodes. I can't even think of an episode that is outright bad.

>>80889118
They're prejudiced because you can get Stewie themed pajamas at Spencer's but not Roger

>there's a special place in hell for people like you, right next to the child molesters and the sexy children that seduced them!

What does /tv/ think of the hot tub episode? I liked it, but I've seen a lot of people on the internet really hate it

>>80889160
Contrarians would hate anything from Seth. Family Guy did get pretty bad for a while. They don't do the chicken fights on Conway Twitty stuff anymore and is it better.

>>80889066
This

>>80886531
Not really a joke, but I just love how over the top it is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koARf8im9ow

Also this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufFF8sQ9fXg

>>80889270
People hate that episode? That episode was fantastice

>>80887245
It's very good. I'd rather watch it from start to finish than Futurama or Simpsons.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTdit-z4Xv4
>0:41
The episode with Steve and his friends slow cooking the meat killed me at the end
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJxaIEavm5Y

>Stan taught deers and other animals how to combat CIA
>deers evolved and took over the Earth
I can almost hear a laughtrack and drums.

>The only thing Italian about this is your dirty lies

>Jeff you have no job , no home and your always wiping your face"
>No I'm Not.
>Sprays jeff with a water hose
>See told you.

>Steve: Your bald
>Stan: A team member on the football squad has cancer. And we all shaved our heads in solidarity.
>Steve: What?
>Stan: No that was crap I'm bald.

American Dad is incredibly hit-or-miss. When it's good, it's amazing, but when it's not...it makes the new Simpsons look good by comparison.

I don't think it's a coincidence that the show got good when McFarlane started doing shitty Hollywood movies. That man is not funny, he's just a good voice actor who loves singing.

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Dropped the series at season 7 (or whenever it went widescreen). Are there any good seasons to pick it back up at?

>>80889778
It's alright until season 9, then it starts getting a bit too wacky, at least for me

>Francine: All this sneaking around is stressing me out.
>Rodger: This might help.
>Instant snap of Francine's neck.
>Francine: That might have worked I thin
>Collapses to the floor.
>Rodger: I don't under stand I learned that move in that guys van.....oh I think I raped a guy......

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2CstUFBZ9A

>>80888784
So he's responsible for that shitty first season of Johnny Bravo

>>80889088
I feel like girls could get an infection from that

>Haley: What is castle Roodpart?
>Jeff: In this world Roodpart is some mystical
>Haley: Oh Crap Roodpart is Trapdoor spelled backwards.

Fucking epic.

>tfw no mommygf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhI904iejqQ

>Rodger: Mike you ended the tour guide in my OFFICE! Unacceptable.
>Rodger: Mike fix my dam lair you thieving bastard!!! And don't send your 20 year old stoner son.......I KNOW BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT MICHAEL!!! Look Lily went through the same thing and she is it Yale now. Just talk to your son. And when i mean talk..listen. And fix my dam lair you thieving bastard.

Can someone bring up Rodgers trailer in Tear Jerker episode That is golden.

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>>80888334
hm...

>>80890295
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J5MtYNispY

wtf are with all these American Dad shill threads lately

>Off line? - It's gone! - Did someone take your lunch too? I keep telling the brass, but they won't listen.
>Somebody on this base is taking lunches.

>>80890374
Legend.

>Tell me who did this.
->Chinese mafia.
>I couldn't pay my gambling debts.
>I play high-stakes "ball-in-the-cup" thing.
>I bet you $500 I can get the ball in the cup.
>Okay.
>Damn.
>I don't have the money right now, but I can get it.
>I just need time.
>Just give me time! You have three days.
>Now, I need that drone! They took it.

>All right, people, I'm done screwing around.
>There's a human life at stake- a little girl.
>And until she's returned to me safely I'm gonna kill a passenger every 60 seconds, starting with this little boy.

>Where's the plane you stole? - Oh, that thing? >Yeah, we sold it to Tim.
>He's using it for his parade float.
>It's the Chinese New Year.
>Parade float? Idiots.
>That's a $50 million piece of military hardware.
>And I just renewed the parking sticker.
>Fifty million bucks? Tim got a great deal.
>Ooh! Ooh! Let's kill this guy and then go get it back.
>I can't believe we all missed him.
>Well, actually, not killing people is kind of my New Year's resolution.
>Really? That's your resolution? You sure there's nothing else you wanna work on?

>>80888334
are there still no good treatments for schizophrenia?
thats some actual autism you have

>>80890402
this is a board for discussing tv shows and movies kiddo

back to /v/

>Boys Who would you say loves the calf the most? >Oh, I do! Rosey calms my dark places.
>Terrific.
>Then it'll be you who kills her.
>What? A man kills what a man loves, before it weakens him.
>You can't make me kill Rosey.
>You boys sure you don't want some Rosey? - >Mm-mm.
>No, no thanks.
>Mmm.
>I'm eating the face right now.
>Mmm.
>Good cut of face meat.
>Her eyes said "Why?" Yeah, you can still see the look of betrayal.
>Can't grill that off.

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>it's a Steve shows off his singing talent episode

>>80890936
The VA actually has a pretty good singing voice

>Johnny Damone was my first kill.
>Slit his throat with a coping saw, then ate an egg-salad sandwich.
>It was too big.
>I took home half.
>Yeah, you never forget your first.
>Mine was my old partner, Joe.
>Turned out he was working for the East Germans.
>While I was strangling him, I stuck my thumb in his eye and popped his eye out.
>Without severing the nerve, I turned it around so he could watch himself die.
>My God, Bad Larry.
>One time, can I get a hand? What about you, Stan? Who was your first? >Now, I'm a gentleman.

>And what makes you the big dog? Um, everything.
>I'm smarter than you, I'm stronger than you, I can wet-nurse better than you.
>Easy, girls.
>Sorry, Stan.
>Anything you can can do, I can do better.
>I can do anything better than you.
>No, you can't! Yes, I can! No, you can't.
>Yes, I can.
>Yes, I can! No, you can't! Yes, I can! No, you can't! >Enough! Can't we have one meal without you two getting into an angry singing contest?! >Why is everything a competition? >Yeah, you guys should just fuck and get it over with.
>Clearly, they have repressed sexual feelings for each other that they're channeling into hostility.
>How's that Psych 101 class going? It's only day three, but I understand how the whole world works now.

>It's almost show time.
>Smith, you need to get into wardrobe and makeup.
>He really is an actor.
>Sir, they're pulling up.
>Places, everyone.
>Good evening, gentlemen.
>Right this way.
>That's your cue! Magic time.
>Water? >What did you say? >Water?> You're offering me water, but somehow I'm not buying that you are really offering me water.
>It's a setup!

>So? I'm not going to kiss you! You're you! You can't be a great actor unless you commit.
>Forget it, I'm not kissing you! >I wasn't sure, so I got butterscotch pudding, butterscotch candy and butterscotch morsels.
>Wrong.
>Wrong.
>Wrong.
>Pudding man!
>Who knows why that didn't work?

Is there an american dad stream going anywhere guys?

>Everyone meet Cleshawn Montegue.
Diamonds, diamonds, friends and men Diamonds! >I can't believe you sabotaged those girls.
>Really? Seems like something I would totally do.
>Get ready, Stan.
>I'm going to to act circles around you out there.
>We'll see.
>May the best actor win.
>This is Sparta! >This is Sparta! >This is Sparta! >This is Sparta.
>Stop it, Jimmy.>You don't know what we're doing.

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>>80888317
>bob's burgers is funny

>Hmph! You call that acting? >This is acting! >That's nothing! >Oh, good Lord.
>I'm acting the crap out of you.
>Public indecency?! We weren't really doing it! We were just acting! >You know why they thought we were having sex? Because our acting was that damn good.
>No, because your acting was that damn good.
>No, you.
>You were a very generous scene partner.
>Hey, I was just feeding off your amazing energy.
>I, I don't get it.
>They're friends again? >Told ya.
>They just needed to fuck and get it over with.

>>80891409
Arconai has a 24/7 one

MR AND LADY

>>80889066
This is blatantly false. Family Guy wanted an "anything goes" type of thing where they could have the characters do anything for the sake of a joke and as a result they destroyed the character's established personalities as a whole and started relying more heavily on shock humor, cutaways, and references. American Dad on the other hand keeps its characters more consistent and has no cutaway gags so the jokes are more situational and character-based.

You don't have to be a contrarian to realize Family Guy sucks ass. Most contrarians would just hate on Mcfarlane shows in general.

>Hold it now.
>That smells like a marijuana cigarette.
>It makes me high like one too.
>Maybe that's what it is.
>What's your name, funny guy? -

>Marty.
>Marty Scorsese.
>Martin Scorsese? >Wow! Oh, you're amazing.
>I love your work.
>You saw my six-minute film about a guy shaving? >Let's just say the world has yet to recognize your genius.
>But you're never gonna win an Oscar hopped up on the dope.
>You know what, man? You're right
>Unzips pulls out bong from crotch.
>I'm proud of you.
>Come on, bring it in.
>Your eyebrows tickle.

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>>80891669
Holy shit......

>>80887893
Bullock best husbando on show.

>Hello, I'm Pappy Van Pappy
>I'd like to tell you a story about a rabbit I owned that ran away
>The rabbit's a metaphor
>For a slave
>Ain't that right, Floppy Rabbit? Hmm
>Francine: This ride may be a bit dated
>Klaus: Well, it certainly has my attention

>And that's when I realized I like working on farms for free
>Bye, everybody!
>Francine: Wow. 45 minutes of uninterrupted racism
>Klaus: Yeah, if you don't count all of your horrified gasps as interruptions

>>80891777
Underrated quote Family Guy quote.
>And I got a big day tomorrow.
>I got two shows.
>All right, folks, big treat for you today.
>He's a little shy.
>Put your hands together for Sham-Peter! >I'm not shy! I'm angry! I'm in constant pain! >This act has been condemned by over 30 nations! >I'm gonna kill you all! >PETER: Ah, crap.
>I can't sleep like this.
>And now my mind is racin'.
>Like, how does that candle in Beauty and the Beast sing so good? I mean, the teapot I get, 'cause she's a girl.
>But the candle, I don't under Oh, he's French.
>That's why.
>(coughs) (groans) Couch it is, I guess.
>Oh, my God.
>The couch is gone.
W>here the hell is Oh, that's right.
>Couchella is this weekend.
>(electronic music playing) Hey, man, where you been?! >I just had sex with a girl on her period! >Dude, that's not a brag!

>It's the rapture. And we're being left behind
>Oh my god! That homeless guy from the bus shelter is hung! But I knew that.

> Hey, excuse me.
>How did you like the movie? >Eh.
>But how about thatJodie Foster? >Pretty hot, huh? I bet you'd have to do something really special to impress a girl like that.
>That's disgusting.
>She's 12.
>Yeah, a hard 12! Grass on the field! Go shoot the president!

>Good-bye, America.
>Good-bye, Christmas.
>Wait, no! No, no.
>No good-bye, Christmas.
>I can't go back to the tooth fairy guild.
Okay? I burned that bridge when I left a little going-away present on my boss's desk.
>So-
>Did you know D.N.A
>Is in poo? >'Cause I sure didn't.
Come on.

>Yo, Doug, I need a diamond.
>Doesn't have to be big, but make it flawless.
>That's friend price? >You let me down, Doug.
>I'm gonna call NYC.
>I'm gonna get my Hebrews on this

>All right, I got everything we need: chocolate milk, cheese puffs and some Turkish amphetamines I scored in the bathroom.
>Whoa, whoa, Legs! You sure that's a good idea? >I've never been more sure of anything in my life.
>See? Everything in moderation.
>Now I'm gonna have five cheese puffs, no more.
>Legs, please, just-just pull over! >Why are you calling me "Legs"? Is there something wrong with my legs? >Is that why, is that why there's a wheelchair in the car?! >What did you do to my legs, you Nazi walrus bastard?! >Steve, who is he talking to? >Shut up, Garfield! Why-Why, why do you, why do you hate Mondays?

>I get a good feeling from you.
>Do you get a good feeling from >Are you a whore? I mean, it's cool if you're a whore.
>But no right now.
>I don't get with no whore.

>Hello again, Mr.
>Smith.
>Well, look what the whore cat dragged in.
>A whore.
>No.
>I'm Tearjerker's personal masseuse.
>And he asked me to work on you myself.

>>80891562
ohhh nooo kid

it actually is though you must be one of those plebs we hear about

maybe baby

>Laughed me out of that room and out of that town! So I swore that one day I'd make the whole world cry by making the saddest film of all time!> Lights! >In a world torn apart by war and intolerance one voice stood out.
>A voice that was strong.
>A voice that was inspiring.
>A voice that was sometimes hard to understand.
>I want to drive the truck! I want to drive the truck! >Oscar, no! Be quiet! >Vroom-vroom! Vroom! Vroom-vroom! >As if it wasn't enough that he was Jewish >I am sorry to say that your son is mentally retarded.
>What does that mean, Doctor? >It means he'll never not be retarded.
>No! Oh, no! Why? Why us? >And as if it wasn't enough that he was Jewish and mentally retarded >Where is the wine? >He was an alcoholic.
>Oscar, no! You can't have that! >I want more dizzy water! >I want to play more, puppy! >Oscar, I- I have some bad news for you.
>Your puppy has cancer.
>And it took the death ofhis best friend to realize sometimes strength comes to us all.
>This holiday season, go for strength.
>Go for inspiration.
>Go for Oscar Gold.

>I'd like you to turn a trick-- to use the parlance of your profession >with my stuffed friend here.
>Whoa, whoa! Just 'cause you do that in the woods doesn't mean you can do that on my chest.

>Guess it's up to the stoners to take them down now.
>Lunch tomorrow will be fish sticks and tartar sauce.
>Stop right there, dudes.
>You're not getting past.
>Hey, if people can get past, can they also get future? >Run! Nice gambit, Barry.
>Where did you learn how to confuse stoners? >My mom does bongs.

>Settle down, everyone.
>Who threw that?
>Your mother's ass!

>The dream of an Afro on the moon is within our grasp, people.
>Looks like your wife's bald!
>Kruger, you just got yourself a month in Kabul!

>Good evening, and welcome to the Smith family roast of Roger Smith.
>Say mean things, Stan! Talk about how he's gray! >You ready, Roger? Roger is truly one of the most interesting people I know.
>He's also a pathetic drug addict.
>Ho, ho! I'm gonna read a list of different drugs.
And, Roger, if you hear one you're not on right now, raise your hand.
>Cocaine.
>Heroin.
>Ecstasy.
>Crack.
>OxyContin.
>Meth.
>Steroids.
>Cooked-down Afrin.
>Euphoria, the fake drug from 90210.
>Okay.
>Next, I'd like to introduce a woman who is in a rare group for Roger - one who hasn't penetrated him with a strap-on.
>Ho-ho! Let's hear it for Francine Smith.
>Thank you, Stan.
>Roger, you're the most disgusting out-of-shape piece of shit I've ever met in my life.
>And I know Sammy Hagar.
>A few years ago, we thought it would be a good idea to get Roger a checking account to teach him responsibility.
>Here's what old Rog did.
>Here's check 001, the only check Roger ever wrote.
>Please note that in the date line, he's written >Today comma 1783.
>It's made out for the amount of $72 million, and it's payable to "Drugs.
>In the memo line, it says "For Drugs, yo.
>And it's signed "John Travolta.
>Anyway, this was the only check he ever wrote.
>The rest of the checks have holes in them because Roger got drunk and raped them.
>Roger's June 4 diary entry.
>It says "Million-dollar ideas.
>And under it, it reads, "Diarrhea equals Rhea Perlman.
>No! The rest of the pages have holes in them because he raped them.
>All right, it's time to hear from the man of the hour.
>Roger, you drunk, lazy cocksucker.
>Get the waiter's dick out of your mouth and get up here.
>Why? Why would you do this?

>All you need is a manager, and you're on your way.
>I wouldn't even know where to begin to find a >Sweeps McCullough, talent manager.
>I used to represent every sitcom neighbor and sidekick in the '80s.
>I discovered Mindy Cohn, Willie Aames, the slow kid from Life Goes On.
>Was that a comedy? >Was to me.
>Anyway, I've been down on my luck as of late, but I still know talent.
>I want to make you a star.
>Shut your eyes.
>Why? (screaming): Ow! Ow.
>Ow.
>Sorry about that.
>I made the confetti out of cut-up tuna can lids.
>Now about your career I'm flattered, but this all happened 20 years ago.
>I might not be good anymore.
>Nonsense.
>Once you've got it, you never lose it.
>You have talent herpes.
>I have regular herpes.
>Thank you, Mindy Cohn.
>So what do you say, you in? >I can't believe Stan made me forget all this.
>Hell, yes, I'm in.
>Good.
>We'll start with with the standup-slash-topless bar circuit and work our way up.
>I have to perform topless? >You're not topless.
>The staff is topless.
>You want to get noticed? Your ha-has have to be bigger than their ta-tas.
>Are you sure about all this? >Remember when Rudy from The Cosby Show got old and stopped being cute? >I brought them Raven-Symone.
>Saw her on a Philadelphia playground and knew she was a star.
>Snatched her right up.
>Six months later, her parents saw her on TV and realized she was still alive.
>Did some time for that.
>So, you ask, am I sure about this?
>I don't know.

>>80889270
>That ol hot tub loosened Stan right on up, now he got lady foot in his mouth....that's cool.

Cee Lo was the best part of that episode.

>>80891180
>Hows' that Psych 101 class going?
>It's only day three, but I understand how th whole world works now.

I knew a girl just like that, she'd always try and veer any conversation towards psychology.

Mebbe bebbe

>>80887038
Was that it? I thought it implied he was aborted.

>>80893779
The entire episode was epic. The ending was epic as fuck. And the golden turd shorts were outstanding.

>Well, I'm sorry, but guns are too dangerous for Steve.
>Promise you won't get him one for Christmas.
>I promise I won't get Steve a gun for Christmas.
>Merry Wednesday, son!> A machine gun? Mm, seems a bit dangerous for me.
>But I guess if coked-out child soldiers in the Congo can do it That's the spirit.
>Hey, Mr.S.
>I'll go shooting with you guys, too.
>Jeff, I am trying to have a bonding experience with my son.
>You are not my son.
>You are no part of this family.
>And when I open my eyes, you better be gone, okay? >I don't want to see a trace of you.
>Terrible.

>>80887893
It was Principal Lewis who said this, though

>When you are forbidden to drink, dance or touch yourself, your afternoons are pretty free.
>You can't touch yourself? >I'll give you the code to disarm the bomb, but first you'll have to meet my demands.
>I don't negotiate with terrorists.
>Oh, really? Have you ever bought a mattress? >Fine.
>What are your demands? I have something I want you to tell the world.
>Hello, I'm the United States.
>And I'm Israel.
>With you behind me, I can do whatever I want.
>Well, I want you.
>Take me.
>No, this is wrong.
>We both have the same father: Satan.
>I don't care.
>Oh, God, oh, God! Oh, Judeo-Christian false God! >All right, I did your little play, and it was intoxicating.
>If you have anything else I'd be right for, keep me in mind.
>In the meantime, I need you to disarm the bomb.
>Oh, that? No, I was lying.
>I was never going to disarm the bomb.
>You bastard! >You're mad at him for lying? >You guys are enemies.
>Of course he lies to you.

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>>80888334

>yfw it's a rerun

>Stan, I'd like you to meet my partner, Tino.
>Partner? What are you guys, cops? Partners in a law firm? Tennis partners? Golf partners? >You might say I'm Captain Derickson to his >Lincoln.
>Céline Dion.
>Gays! They're everywhere! I am a pilgrim in an unholy land! >Greg, act casual.
>Get your stuff and meet me outside.
>What? Why? >There are gays here.
>Uh, Stan, I'm gay.
>What? Does Terry know? Oh, poor, straight >Terry.
>Terry's gay too.
>He's my boyfriend.
>I thought you knew.
>The Log Cabin Republicans are a gay group.
>A gay group? >Oh-Oh, my God.

>Don't you tell me you voted for he who shall not be named!> Look, the war was inevitable.
>Freedom isn't free.
>Are you kidding me? >Hi, I'm here for the Log Cabin Republicans sunset cruise.
>Whoa, whoa.
>Straight check.
>Who is the only person to win an Oscar, an Emmy and a Tony in the same year? >Uh, the guy from Monk? >If you get on that boat with those Republicans then it's open season while you're gone.
>Fine.
>Mary Martin, Cathy Rigby, Sandy Duncan, Mary Lou Retton.
>Wow.
>All the Peter Pans, and in order.
>Bret, Bret.
>Tell this guy I'm okay.
>Tell him you can't have a Log Cabin event without me.
>You're not invited, Stan.
>What? Why? >Because your son stopped by the office today and dropped off this.
>So? It's me and hatemonger Pat Robertson.
>I met him at some party.
>I was just walking through.
>It was just a momentary lapse of judgment.
>My mind's a blank.

>How do I put this? You're out of the band.
>What?! >We decided to go in a different direction and voted you out.
>We're now Krispy Kreme McDonalds' Jamtastic Roller Boogie Prawn Experience.
>But we're supposed to play the July Fourth festival.
>Yeah, the Prawn Experience also booked that gig.
>See? We go on right before you and your nonexistent Asstones.
>Yeah, well, what kind of music do you play? >We cover public domain songs-- "Camp Town Races," "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep.
>We got over a hundred hits already.
>Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to tell you about a little place I know Little place called >London Bridge.
>It's falling down!
>Hayley, I'm here because of your father.
He said I was spending too much time with you and not focusing enough on my career.
>So, I must break up with you.
>What?! No! I let you give me a mole frijole.
>That's the most intimate thing a white woman can give a Mexican man.
>I have to get back to work.

>I don't know who left it, but it is crazy big! It's sticking out of the water like a shipwreck! >Jeff! What the hell, man! >I-I thought everyone was out.
>You have got to lock the freaking door, dude! >I'm sorry, but when I'm not smoking pot, I suffer from HLS, Hyperactive Libido Syndrome.
When it hits, I got to get busy right away.
>If you're gonna do that in this house, you'll do it where everyone else in this family does it: in Steve's bed!
>What?!

>>80887510
I thought the first seasons that were very politically preachy Seth wrote? I mean there was a pretty clear change in writing style and I always just figured that as it

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>Ethics he wants to talk about? Jewish history is a history of unethical conduct.

>>80887761
>it's an Antoine Chigur parody episode

Yes

>>80895856
Stelio isn't a parody of anyone, hes a completely new character which is impressive for Seth

># By the dawn's early light # # What so proudly-## >Aaah! - Aaah, aaah, aaah! Steve, what happened? Man, what a letdown! >You'll be killed if you go into that jungle, man.
>Hey, my hand on fire? >What? >No.
>Good.
>Then it's the acid.
>This seemed like the perfect time to do acid.
>Dead! >Everyone's dead! >Their spirits are dancing all around us.
>Popping and locking mostly.
>Everyone calm down! I have been in two war reenactments! And you men will be safe if you stick with me!>No! We got to get out of here, man! >Let's just go to the Snack Stop and get some grilled cheese, >man.
>No! >We have to save my dad.
>I let him down.
>Dad, can you hear me? >Steve, it's dark and wet.
>There's golf carts.
>You have to >Sounds like he's in a holding cell in Nangangbang.
>The caddy shack.
>Then that's where we're headed.
>Excuse me! >Do you know where the Horizon Room is? >We don't know.
>We're from Baltimore.
>Thank you.
>Marty, it's this way! >The man told me it's this way! >You're going the wrong way!
>I heard you the first time!

>I feel so not wired, but well-rested.
>Like I had a small coffee around 6:30 at night.
>I'm feeling good.
>This is the song that I wrote at 3:00 a.
m.
>I taught myself how to play the guitar I only know two chords so far >My fingers hurt 'cause I haven't grown calluses I wonder how long it takes >To grow calluses I'll bet that'ssomething >You could learn on the Internet Tomorrow night, >I'm going to learn To use the Internet.

Okabe i know you're reading this. Help me!

>>80897851
Go away.

I haven't watched the show in a while, but here are some episodes I remember enjoying
>stan is against steve having an imagination, trys to get steve laid, they get kidnapped in mexico.
>Klaus gets put in a black guys body
>Stan and steve re-enact vietnam
>Time travel and roger invents ecstasy
>ricky spanish

>>80888391
They're never, ever vague

Which is the best episode and why is it joint custody?

>>80886531
My roomie recently asked me how I could like this show, especially since Family Guy was so much funnier. I didn't know what to respond.

Annoyingly, the episode I was watching wasn't all that good either.

>Cheesers came back

>>80898449
The Great Space Roaster

>>80898449
Joint Custody is the episode I would show my friends if they were into AD for the first time. It would also help if I had friends

But, that episode showed to me that Jeff could be a good character and not another Lucky

>sniz on the reg

>>80889778
Who is this pussy princess?

>>80898628
keked

>Hmmmm...Hamburger...HINDERER

>>80888334
Holy shit is this actual shilling

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>m-m-more money, m-m-more speech therapy

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Jeff's dad talking shit about him is still the single best AD joke I've seen
>I'm so proud of my son. In fact, this is the wall where I keep all his awards.
>What? There's nothing there! Oh my God! They've been stolen! I better call the sheriff!
>We're gonna get to the bottom of this! It's ringing... Hello, Sheriff Perkins? Henry Fischer. Yes, yes, father of the illustrious Jeff Fischer. Someone has stolen all his awards. All of them! Must have been several strong men with a huge truck. What? What do you mean, Jeff's never won an award in his entire life? But if that were true, that would mean my son is a worthless piece of crap who never accomplished anything! Well, sir, I'm not gonna sit here while you say those awful things about my pride and joy!
>I promise you, son: I will not rest until I get every single ribbon, trophy and letter of commendation back on that wall!
>I'm gonna go down to the bar, round up a posse. We'll get Charlie's dogs, close off the perimeter! You just sit there and keep on making me proud.
>I need something for Charlie's dogs so they can pick up the scent. Do you have your high school diploma? No? They got that too?

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>A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES TO THE BLIND WOULD BE AWFUL MAJESSSSSTIC

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>>80888784

I remember this episode

>>80887245
Klaus, Roger & Steve are legit great cartoon characters.

>>80888998
>and biting Political asides that allude to deeper CIA/Intelligence/US Geo Political satire that most Americans wouldn't be aware of.

I think you're seriously overestimating yourself/underestimating everyone else. The jokes about geopolitics are all really straightforward stuff that everyone knows about, the past two generations learned about CIA coups in middle school for christ's sake.

>>80900088
best.

>>80898449

100 A.D is solid as fuck

>Reggie and Bullock fighting
>Francine being stupid as fuck
>Legs and Wheelman, with Roger doing
>that retarded death counter

>And now that money's just gone.
>No, Francine, we still have the money
>We good, champ? We work that out?

>Ah, I took a detour on Hayley.
>Got lost in the brush and went down a dirt road.

>>80889439
It's a funny show, but these are shitty examples

>You don't know what it's like to taste the pico de gallo of a man's heart.

>I'm super-drunk and about to get raped.
>Come pick me up in 45 minutes.

This show would be terrific if they got rid of Hayley and Jeff. They're both such awful characters, I know the fact that they're annoying is meant to be a joke but they cross the line and just becoming annoying as hell.

Also, I thought Jeff was lost in space. When did he just show up again? Why did they ruin things by bringing him back?

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>You were out of control.
>Like my cholesterol!
>Jeez, Barry, you have a lot of health problems.

>>80889066
This 100%. /tv/ is contrarian to the point of making me sick. It's like most of these faggots here cannot think for themselves. Their taste in media is a slave to their emotions. It's pathetic, it really is

>>80886531
is this show still good or has it degraded into a family guy spin-off?

>>80889088
>(yes, Rodger's dong is spray painted grey)

Not in the videos I just checked out on pornhub

>>80899649
>My dad cares about me more than money
>There he is, there's Jeff. Can I have the money now? That's what I care about. Money. Not Jeff. Money.
>There, see? Wait, am I money, or Jeff...? Oh man. I'm Jeff.
Paraphrased

>>80889066
Idk if that's what it is. Family Guy just sort of stopped being funny.

>>80899275
I don't know but I'd like to be her pusy slave!

The only objectively good western cartoons are king of the hill and old simpsons

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Just gonna post thisssssssss

>>80901052
>>80901107

Even though it has kid rock on it, this is a good song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8_ltP7ggL0

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So can we all agree that the GOAT episode is In Country Club?

PINECONES ARE GRENADES

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>>80901011

>>80892044
Lois: How do you know he's gay?
Peter: A lot of little things: the way he talks, his mannerisms, and he has the complete DVD set of Sex and the City between his butt cheeks.
Lois: Peter, no he didn't.
Peter: He had the DVD set. I was just being colorful with the rest of it.

more from that ep.

Glenn Quagmire: [about his father] He wants to have a sex change operation.

Peter Griffin: Whoa! I knew he was gay. I didn't think he was that gay.

Glenn Quagmire: No, no, Peter, he's not gay. He's a woman stuck in a man's body.

Peter Griffin: Yeah, gay.

Glenn Quagmire: It's totally different!

Lois Griffin: Sounds the same.

Glenn Quagmire: Well, it's not!

Peter Griffin: Okay, so he wants to be a woman she he can be a lesbian?

Glenn Quagmire: No, he'd date men.

Peter Griffin, Lois Griffin: Gay.

>My name is Braff Zacklin. I was an international race car driver. One day, a baby carriage rolled out onto the track so I swerved into the retaining wall to avoid it. The car burst into flames, but the baby miraculously survived ... I was that baby.

>>80893872
I no shit had a girl say to me
>I'm minoring in psychology so I know what I'm talking about!
I laughed pretty hard

>>80893872
>>80901806
>tfw sister majored in Psychology
She was like that for a long while.

>>80891180
One of my pet peeves is when characters have good reason to hate and be disgusted with each other, and everybody is all "oh get a room to go make out". They think they're so clever, they saw through some charade
It's like they've never actually felt hate, I don't know how such a basic human emotion is so foreign to them.

>>80901874
My little sister did that too. Then she went into biology. Then journalism. Whatever. She'll just marry some rich guy and get taken care of there.

>>80902063
Fuck my sister did something like this. Dentistry, criminology, aviation (?) and finally settling on some social services shit.

Hundreds of thousands of dollars of college debt later, she babysits for some rich family while the mom gets wine drunk in their mansion all day and ignores the kids. Then she goes home to her chemical engineer boyfriend who makes bank at the end of the day.

>>80902063
Surprisingly my sister has been very adamant about psychology. She's getting a doctorate in it.
Her boyfriend is also like 5 years older than her with no college degree.
I wish her the best of luck but fuck me if she wasn't annoying as hell for her first few years. She's obviously going to be the man of the family if she marries, at least. I'm sure she'll find a way to earn enough money to make it worth it all, I hope. Still more than I have done, I guess.

>>80902193
>she babysits for some rich family
There's really good money in that as long as you don't mind them calling you a different name based on your skin color.