Amy Schumer: Corndogging edition

>>80457035
Is this part of the BDSM misrepresentation craze that's sweeping American media right now?
>hookuphotshot and teenfidelity
>fifty shades of grey
>now this
America is such a degenerate country, lol!

>So I went on 4chan the other day
>More white male virgins than comic book store
>I bet none of them have EVER seen or smelled a vagina
>I bet if I went near one of those losers they'd be like "What IS that smell?"
>It's my vagina, guys. It's my smelly, smelly vagina

>>80457035
would still bang/10

>>80457035
>blows brains out

>>80457035
>have strange Miss Piggy fetish
>Amy seems to be eating her wealth

If she actually had sex with me in character while obese and in a glamorous dress I'd drain my nuts in a second. That creampie would be a fat sloppy mess.

>>80457035
>so in light of the fact that I have an extremely smelly pussy
>you know what I'm talking about ladies
>I've started bleaching my asshole
>Yeah, the guys know what I'm talking about
>with their dicks and shit
>woop woop

>so I'm stealing jokes for an upcoming netflix special the other day
>you know what I'm talking about Carlos
>and Bill Cosby pops into my head
>So I'm thinking, rather than just rape you (audience)
>I'm going to need to drug you first
>you know what I'm talking about Bill

>>80457035
So #randum LOL XD

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>I hate how most of my friends are now having kids
>Like, I'm not a bad person or anything, but whenever they tell me that their kid fell over, I'm like
>"Oh, that's SOO sad. Is that lil guy gonna be ok?"
>But inside I'm like, "ugh, why didn't the kid fall into MY VAGINA, because I HAVE A FUCKING VAGINA"
>But no, totally

>>80458279
That was a professional joke right there.

Amy vs Chloe, who'd win?

>Just came back from my gynecologist
>And first thing he asked me was if I was sexually active
>And I'm like "define active"?
>As he's doing this, he's checking out my pussy
>He looks up back at me and says "Oh, you're sexually active alright"
>Then he slapped my muffin top and said "just not very physically active"
>Um, rude?!?!?
>So then I raped him

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>>80460025
kekd

>>80459988
>obese pig woman
>literal female Adonis
How is this even a question?

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>>80459690
How can she live with herself looking like that....Miss Piggy decided to go full warthog

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>>80457035
>"so this guy is cumming in my mouth with his peeeenis and I tell him hold on I might gag and he says too bad I'm like what the fuck and all of the sudden my vagina chimes in and says I wish he'd cum in me I won't gag"


I do it for free Amy go ahead and steal it.

>so I'm thinking about this new diet plan
>well it's not that new
>the gays have known about it for a while
>it's called aids
>am I right gay guys!?!
>woot woot
>come see me after the show

>Never have sex with a wizard, because you might get AIDS from his Magic Johnson

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>>80457035
>"so I got my period today don't you hate that girls im pretty bummed out. I'm not sad just my ass hurts from all the anal sex. My boyfriend says he hates when I'm on my period. I tell him how do you think I feel?? My vagina is oozing more blood than then was found at the oj murders"


Here's another one Amy. I just want to help.

>>80460691
Why can't fortune tellers run?
Because they have crystal balls wakka wakka

>>80460224
her eating habits (like all obese people, especially Americans) are unconscious and part of our fast food and carbonated corn syrup soda culture.

Lot a calories but it doesn't make you feel full. So you eat the same high calorie shit until you feel even slightly satisfied - sometimes you even feel hungry physically - but you just went over your calorie intake by up to 700 calories and you don't even know it.

In a week you're ten pounds heavier, it sneaks up on you. And then you diet, also buying stupid fucking corporate meal programs, shakes with dubious nutritional supplements (that destroys either your gall bladder or your liver over time) you feel miserable for months and you don't lose a pound of fat because you're still eating the same amount of calories plus your metabolism slowed down because you're slightly starving yourself.

Lack of patience or infrequently cheating on your diet or trying to exercise (which does not help lose weight - at best it converts protein into muscle but all that fat will still be there) and therefore feeling 1000x more miserable than before makes it more likely you'll just give up trying to lose weight.

Meanwhile NO ONE ever explains the actual method for losing weight: EAT LESS. That's it. It's not an easy method, but it's the only one that works. All this other advice just distracts you, misleads you, or is medically dangerous. Eating less just doesn't seem like it will work and no one likes being hungry, gotta have a little discipline and slowly train your body to accept a lower calorie diet. It sounds simple but it's hard to pull off when you live in a mollycoddling culture that is designed to pressure people into being impulsive so they can sell their shitty happy meals.

>>80459988
Chloe who?

>>80460828
Thanks for that Dr Phil

What are some good jokes about gun control?

Say it with me boys:

VUH

GI

NAH

>/tv/ virgins obsessed with fat cow Schumer