American Dad quotes thread

>Ricky Spanish

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>They called me Stan Frank, because I was always hiding and writing in my diary.

>I know a jewish girl who wrote a diary once. It didn't end well for her. Her name was Fran Drescher. Hahahaha, you thought I was making a Holocaust joke! SHAME ON YOU!

>*snot pretending to be Steve*
>Dad, what are moms boobs like?
>I'll tell ya, Snot

Lavate Las Manos!

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>>80415738
>"Well do you have the number of someone who does have a sober clown? .... No sir, I don't believe I am asking for the moon."

>"Well do you have the number of someone who does have a sober clown? .... No sir, I don't believe I am asking for the moon."

>You're a complicated man, smith. I'd love to do mushrooms with you

Bullock could have a thread all his own IMO

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>>80415693
>quotes
so every American Dad thread, or any cartoon thread whatsoever. There's nothing to talk about, no motivations to scrutinize or scenes you can compare to each other. It's just one liners
which I do love, to make one awesome joke in one quote or line, but that's my point, that's all a cartoon IS.

Anyway, best quote is "I just picked a whole boquet of oopsie-daisies"
American Dad isn't as funny as The Cleveland Show, and can't go as far as Family Guy. It's middle of the road, enjoyable, but relies entirely too much on Roger. the CIA technology crutch is bad too, but FG has Stewie which is the same shit.

>>80415957
Watch anime for deep cartoons.

>>80415957
>American Dad isn't as funny as The Cleveland Show
Ok now I know your trolling.

>>80415957
You're not too bright are you son?

>>80415990
>high school boy sees the true beauty in a girl that is bullied because she has 6 toes
>OR
>ninjas jumping through trees
>deep

I don't tell yo mama's so dumb jokes, I tell my mama's so dumb jokes. Example: My mama's so dumb, I don't tell yo mama's so dumb jokes, I tell my mama's so dumb jokes.

>>80416067
link me to the first part you said about the bullied girl

>>80416067
>cherrypicking

>>80416102
If you're going bring me some

Love me some cherries

>>80416139
Evangelion

>It's gonna be you, isn't it? I'm gonna drive down there and this is gonna be you.
>Strong possibility.

>Thank god I'm just his assistant.
>I'm an associate!

>And let's just pray that for once when we get there, it doesn't turn out to be me.

>Francine, i haven't been entirely truthful with you..

Pengun, mightier than the sword! Swordgun, mightier than the pengun

>>80415779
>Klaus, you got the train to work.
>Yeah, it's in my blood. My grandfather was a conductor at Auschwitz.

>No, no, he ran the kiddie train at the zoo. You know, it's a big town, there's other stuff there.

>>80415693
Steve: I'm sorry. It's just..creative writing is hard, I can't do it.
Stan: Can't? We don't live in Ameri-can't, Steve we live in Ameri-ca. No, no, no, wait, we live in Ameri-can. No wait, that's not right, we are Ameri-can. W-where was I going with this?
Steve: Umm, I said creative writing is hard...
Stan: Oh! Yeah, yeah perseverance, Steve, it's all about perseverance. And if I Ameri-can't teach you about it, I have a friend who Ameri-will.

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I LOVE ME SOME D-NUTS
BLACK BAGELS Y'ALL

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entleman do what ever it takes to empty our coffers.
Lap dances, champagne dances, shower dances.
Oh, the things you can buy for a hand full of bills.
It makes me excited.
It gives me the chills.
They'll be filcher rubs, breeders, hambones and tweeners
Zobos and debos and blorps that go, "Eenahs!"
For a one dollar bill
You can pull down their zippers.
I am the Snorax
I speak for the strippers!

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I'm watching it right now. Had a good chuckle at this

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>Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.

>Steve, part of responsible gun ownership is disposing of bodies you kill by accident.

>He's got a heaven gun those can kill anyone.
>Why do we have those again? I love it here and all. I mean I don't want to be that guy but why is this an issue again?

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>Watch yourself, Stevie.

> Are you crazy pushing me in the pool?! I have forty hits of ecstacy in my pocket!
>Buckle up, kids.

>Rogers a dirty cop? He's been on the force for three hours!

>Is Chaz gonna be ok?
>What?......no

>>80416787
>Are you crazy pushing me in the pool?! I have forty hits of ecstacy in my pocket!
>Buckle up, kids.
MYAH

>But I still have mine!

>Bullock offered me my job back and a bag of mushrooms
>and i hoped you said yes to both

>Tell Claus I said sup

Roger: Dylan was being bad. (smiles evilly): And now we have the jar.

I'M SO EXCITED

How the fuck can people watch this garbage?

>I'll put flowers on your grave every year.
>...Every five years.
>...Once.
> I'll think of you.
>...I won't.

>>80415899
>snot is voiced by Booger from Revenge of the Nerds
>snot
>booger

jesus christ I'm fucking dumb

>>80416867
>stop I have a sheet of acid in my pocket!

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>How the fuck can people watch this garbage?

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>He's got red eyes from smoking weed

>Nathan, stop it! This is why you keep getting molested!

>>80417340
You can me both because I just now realized this as I read your post. I may be retarded.

>Sir, either I've gone crazy or I've turned into a woman
>What's the difference?

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>>80417823

>diove on in

Cheesers came back

>>80415738
fpbp
fucking ace episode

>Its a Steve sings slow jams episode

My favorite

>>80418153
>its an American Dad introduces you to good obscure music episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51CO2S1TGDs

>>80418256
I was surprised to find out the song from the episode with the Summoner wasn't Meatloaf, and was actually some no name band.

>>80417996
>No! No, I won't do doive on in!
>Doive on in

>>80418076
COWARD

>I've been walking around my whole life wondering who the jerk is, then bam! I'm the jerk!
>you made !e a jerk pop!
>aren't we a fine pair?>
>the jerk and the guy who him a jerk!

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>>80418373
> A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES WOULD BE AWFUL MAJESTIC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TcP2P8Q_9c

>>80419324
They also used parts from this album for all the background music in that episode.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UerTxriT0mI

> jeff and his dad don't talk and his mom walk out on them before he was born
> h..how could she do that
Took me way to long to notice that

>>80419416
My cousins boyfriend (who looks like a male Mia Khalifa but thats irrelevant) had a My Morning Jacket shirt on. I thought it was a fake band from American Dad until he told me it was real

>>80419532
>who looks like a male Mia Khalifa but thats irrelevant
Not if he has the same tits. That would be something to see.

>If you want to get good at something you need to watch professionals do it
>That's why I took your mother to Bangkok
>Her pad thai is amazing now

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>>80418256
SPANKED, LIFES GONNA HIT YA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8_ltP7ggL0

>Liar! You're a liabetic. You have liabetes. Twice a day you have to inject yourself with insu-lie-ne

>>80416067
>I reduce entire TV shows down to simple concepts that make them sound terrible

I can do that too

>Depressed mafia guy deals with senile uncle and retarded nephew

>High school science teacher makes crystal meth

>People get stranded on a island and get chased around by sentient smoke

>Old man and his android cabana boy fly around the stars hectoring aliens

>what is this, Nazi Germany? Oh wait, that would be awesome!

>>80420221
>don't make fun of my fancy cartoons
>REEEEEEEEE

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>>80415957

>Old man and his android cabana boy fly around the stars hectoring aliens

No idea what this is

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>>80416554

>>80420221
All of those sound better than anime

>>80420396
God the animation can look really nice when the American Dad team wants it to

Ditto for Reddit and Memey

>>80415693
Its because they follow the same line as almost all animated shows like it now. They have like maybe 6 jokes the whole episode (recent south park is really bad at this) everything feels like this. "O look roger is wearing a funny costume better wait 5 mins for the joke to be set up then they deliver the joke, its easy to remember when you are sitting there just waiting for it. This is the main reason I can't rewatch the show at all when its on tv.

Good Family guy on the other hand just throws jokes and gags at you almost non stop they are hit or miss but its harder to remember the jokes because whether you like them or not its like Fawlty Towers and there are just so many of them.

Flame away for having a different opinion then the hive mind on here boys

>>80420221
even these one sentence summaries are deeper than most anime

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>>80420642
>preemptive victim playing

>>80420642
Are you British?

>>80420706
No I just really like Fawlty Towers and the speed at which the jokes and situations happens like the bit with Basel the Rat its just non stop action and jokes and I really feel like the best episodes of Family Guy are like an animated version of that.

>>80416067
12 kingdoms was p good. Neither a fighting anime or a waifu anime. About kingdoms, philosophy, morals, and such.

>cracking a vault is like pleasuring a woman
>pound on it for 2 minutes?

>>80416265

>I HAVE THE KEYS IN MY POCKET YOU STUPID BIIIITCH!

Early Simpsons >>>>>>>>>>>> Early Family Guy > Mid Seasons South Park = Futurama >>> American Dad > Late South Park >>> Late Family Guy

>You used to watch Sesame Street

Stan has convinced me that if I ever have a daughter, i'm getting her vag sewn shut until the age of 21

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reminder

>>80421851
simmer down achmed

>>80421904
Daily reminder that Arconai has a 24/7 American Dad stream

>>80417752
>I really can't believe you're an educator, Brian.

Holy fuck Principle Lewis is the best.

>>80422224
Its really more of an administrative role.

>>80421787
early family guy and current family guy both suck. its just the first version is boring and devoid of humor and the newer version is awful pop culture references and cutaways.

>>80421904
This and the one with Stan dressed as an Indian on Thanksgiving are the only ones I turn over.

>sex garden weekly
>Francine being jealous of Stan tapping his new wife after further elaboration of her permiscuity

>the decider

>when Roger "runs away" to make Stan love him
>Stan doesn't give a shit, and Francine was in on it the whole time and has to deal with Stans indifference and Rogers bitchiness

Such a great show

>>80418256

this song made me sad

>>80418256
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwKL7WfQvZ0

>You thought I was setting you up for an Anne Frank joke? SHAME ON YOU!

>Ray, when I'm your age I wanna be dead for ten years

Dick: Oh, so it's like the holodeck!
Bullock: The what?
Stan: From Star Trek.
Bullock: Some of us spent the late 80s and early 90s getting laid, Smith.

NEW WAX FANG GET HYPE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7x_CO_tj8hc

>>80416416
And tell Escobedo El Lobo Negron sends his regards.

“Stop it! Nathan, this is why you keep getting molested!”

>This isn't an ambulance-
>It's a god damn HAMbulance
kekd hard when I saw that episode

Favourite AD characters:
Steve
Roger (with Steve)
Francine

Hate:
Jeff
Barry

>I've been meaning to ask you. How did we get out of there?

>I think we did some sweet maneuvers from that movie Backdraft.

>I never saw Backdraft.

>Me either!


Anything Principal Lewis says is a riot too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgyP5IssJHY

Damn kids. Sometimes, I think I should've just stayed in Peru moving coke. Machado was a cold bastard, but he was good to his men. Once you drew blood for him, you were set. Hooch, blow, girls. Not women, GIRLS. Little bitty things...

>>80423249
"END OF DAYS, BITCHES!"

>>80422842
Full version. Worth listening to for sure.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UerTxriT0mI

>>80419502
Are you retarded?

I had no idea /tv/ was this into American Dad.

>That scene where Roger doesn't want to let go of the cat food bag because he'll be frightened he'll float away

>>80423226
https://youtu.be/BJxaIEavm5Y

>>80422991

Stan is a Star Trek fan?

>>80423507
Doesn't he float away when he finally lets go of it?

>>80423507
>Oh sure, you WANT me to let go of this bag, then you have a bag of food scientifically formulated for aging cats!

https://youtu.be/q56ZgE2m9N4

>SHOO OWLS! STOP OFFERING ME INSURANCE DEALS! I CAN'T READ YOUR LANGUAGE

>>80418256

Just watched this didn't you

>Son of a WHORE!

>I’m gonna go hit the sack, and then probably go to bed.

>>80422224
>>80422266
>>80423249
>the video of him downing a 24 rack before the werewolf comes out

>Roger, I'll kill you!
>I'm not Roger, I'm the phantom!
>[unmasks Roger] *gasp* Roger!
>Well, yeah. Who did you - what?

>it's great my sons girlfriend comes over and eats our precious food
>Can you pass the potatoes, Mr Smith?
>Ethically I don't think I should....

>>80416067
>Crew of misfit bounty hunters fly around the solar system trying to make a quick buck

>Teenager finds notebook that can kill people, decides to become justice incarnate and create a new world where he is god

>Exiled prince of an oppressive empire gets the power to force anyone to do anything, decides to create a terrorist group to dismantle said empire

>3 intertwining stories about mafia, alchemy, and immortality

>2 brothers lose their arm and leg and body respectively while trying to resurrect their mother, decide to join the military to search for a way to get their bodies back, along the way uncovering a centuries old government conspiracy

I can cherry pick too

>>80423725
I ONLY SPEAK IT

HOO HOO HOO!

It's a shame it dived into such total shit, those early seasons have aged fantastically though, still funny as hell.

>Your uterus will fall like Saigon... and Steve was the last chopper out!

>>80424107
brah, you could have just said Star Wars instead of writing the same thing over and over

>>80424248
B-but I like Star Wars

>I am professor Gugenheim
>Is there another G?
>I'm professor Baxter

maybe baby

>>80424307
Maybe baby

Looks like things are getting too hot for the pepper.

>>80424299
Bong detected

Im watching the same episode senpai

>>80424423
>one line
>fuck it up

I want reddit to leave

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>>80424423

>>80424470
>>80424499
It looks like the Jimmy's are getting too russled for the 4chan

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>>80424459
Yeaaaaah boiiiiii. I watch it every night. Seen it so many times, but it's too good not to.

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>>80424638
Its okay guy you fucked the line up don't get salty

>YOU IN VIETNAM BITCHES
>*it ain't me plays*

>>80425387
(Pine cones are grenades)

>>80423544
I guess they just wanted to make that joke

>>80425387
>>80425442

Imagine being in that writers room, and pitching the idea of a high school kid getting PTSD from a vietnam war reenactment

>>80424357
>>80424307
Maybe baby

I'M OFF MY MEDS

then he just started bashing her head with the fridge door. floored me.

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>>80426569

>>80426752
If we're going anywhere, I have to....how do I say this....wipe. better.

I LOOK AROUND ME AND I SEE IT ISN'T SO

>water break boss?
>oh honey don't call me boss that makes me feel like some kind of monster, call me dad
>water break dad?
>no

That scene where the kid ends up crashing into the hot peppers and blows up. That whole setup is golden.

The episode is Permanent Record-Wrecker.

>STAN!
>I am afraid for you

>you're a lunatic with the madman's dream of a milk-proof robot!!

>MIKE! You are the worst contractor eveeeeeeeeeeeerrr!!!

>She's even got time for the homeless.

>Time? I have SEX with the homeless.

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>I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO OUR KIDS YOU MONSTER!

>Hahah, why can't I leave things nice?

>>80418373

Wax Fang is pretty cool, bro.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LldMespoD6M

American Dad is definitely the Futurama to The Simpson's Family Guy. The first 2 seasons were weak but after that it's been pretty great

i['m honestly loling at these quotes. how is this show so unwatchable?

>>80428361
>And I want you to fix it, not your stoner son.
>...
>Because I'm not an idiot, Mike. Everyone knows!

>Hey Roger, get this: Beauregard, the greyhound-riding half-man, his middle name is Lawrence. What a freak!

>>80425387
>I'm pulling out. I'm pulling out of you son.

>it's supposed to be pigs blood
>I didn't finish the book
>you stopped after the word blood?