What was the best Bond torture method?

Obviously Le Chiffre's.

>>80354827

Blowfeld's "Im gonna drill this thing into your skull MWAHAHAH" which apparently didnt have any effect at all.

>>80354827
I found Dr. Forrester's methods to be the cruelest.

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>>80354827
Thanks for reminding me of my first awkward childhood erection.

>>80355317
The way I interpreted was that Bond sees every girl as interchangeable already so it wouldn't have affected him, or it did work and now he will only see women as interchangeable.

Also Goldfinger's laser is my fav torture.

>>80354827
sitting through Skyfall was pretty awful

>>80354827
I liked when he was tied up naked and getting his balls slapped by another man.

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>>80355443
absolutely.

That one time Famke crushed him with her thighs

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>>80355443
>>80355718
I see you are men of refined taste as well.

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>>80355443
Her and McCormack stole my heart in this

NOW THE WHOLE WORLD'S GONNA KNOW THAT YOU DUN SCRATCHED MY BAWLS

>>80354827
>implying that's a torture

I liked the shark tank

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>torture

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>>80355457
Now if you were a little older, you would've seen Goldeneye first.

...I'm not sure which is worse.

>>80356107
If this is torture, then sign me up for two.

>>80356107
>woman acts sexual ironically while killing you
>HURR DURr SHE TOUCHD MY THIGH SO SHE REALLY LOVES ME

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>>80356209
Crazy loves best, anon. That's why they always warn you not to stick your dick in it.

>>80356209
>implying those whores weren't getting soaked between the thighs by riding based Piers

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>>80356297
>Piers

>>80356352
fug, Pierce*

i'm really tired

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teh frist one to brraapp get stay on mu aer plane

>>80356107
The real torture is that he won't get to nut on her face afterwards.

>>80354827
>>80355718
>>80355789
>>80355917
>>80356107
meh

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>>80356463
Bond was never in a "braaap" situation.

Who was the worst Bong girl?

>>80356647

Jinx and nuMoneypenny

>>80354827
When they were going to melt his nuts with that laser beam.

>>80356676
Looks like were in for an oil boom lads.

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>>80356676
This. Didn't help that she was cast alongside the sexiest one.

>>80356647
The Black one from Skyfall.

>>80355317
Yeah that was fucking dumb. That whole movie wasn't very good. Although I haven't seen many other Bond movies so maybe the weird twists would have felt earnt that way

>>80356905
I've seen all the bond films and it's kind of in the middle for Bond movies for me. Ever since they ran out of Fleming novels to adapt the plots have always felt kind of contrived, but it had some cool scenes so I didn't hate it.

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>>80356667
>tfw watching this in theaters
>whole theater making "ooooh!" and "owww" noises

>>80356749
Can't spike the Pike.

>>80354827
sex sauna

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>>80357247
Not unless you're Bond.

Why can't I get girls like bond guys?

>Dress just like him
>High quality suits
>Always order a Martini when I go out
>Mysterious and Quiet
>Always have that badass look in my eye like I just beat some bad guys' asses
>Own a large keychain with a gadget to talk to my car
>Hair always looking mature

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>>80357600
Pat pls go

>>80357600
Because you're a faggot.

>>80357404
What did he say to her?

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>>80357689
I have no clue. She was the only good part of that terrible Diamonds are Forever rehash.

>>80357600
Because women can smell a try hard loser from a mile away.

>>80355977
Why would the whole world find out about the ball scratching? Aren't they secret spies or something? Was it secretly being filmed for a reality TV show?

>>80356968
Which one was the last? I'm guessing it was in the Roger Moore era somewhere around Moonraker.

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Do you expect me to talk?

>>80358134
If you mean worst, for me it's a tie between Moonraker and Diamonds are Forever.

>>80358134
According to the WIkipedia, it looks like the last was The Living Daylights.

>>80358201

"No I expect you to FRY, mr bond!"

>>80358134
>>80358348
Oh you meant the last of the novels.
It's actually a tricky question to answer because the movies often bared little resemblance to the novels and they would often cannibalize elements from one novel into the adaption of another.
Quantum of Solace has the same name as a Bond short story Fleming wrote, so that, but I don't think there is any resemblance in plot.

Same with Moonraker, I've read the novel and the only similarities between the plot of the novel and the plot of the movie are the fact that both have a bad guy names Hugo Drax.

>>80358134
Quantum of Solace was one of Fleming's short stories, but other than having the same title. That is where the similarities end.

I don't remember the details, but I think the plot was another 00 agent's wife left him because he was always away on one mission or another. He ended up become a drunk once he was taken out of the field.

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>>80355317

>>80356667
I don't remember Mads being in this movie.

>>80358201
Fuck this. What a horrible way to go.

>>80358803
Yes, but it's the 60's, so lasers were hip new technology that was all the rage.

It'd be like, I dunno, getting hacked to death by drones nowadays.

>>80358134

Casino Royale was the last one they filmed.

Who knows other than bookfags, really? Once the Cold War was over, most of the Bond stuff flies out the window. There are some non-Fleming Bond books that were written much more recently, but yeah. If they start making period piece Bond movies then we can start talking. Otherwise, the world has changed so much.

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Which bond girl had the best feet?

Good bond flicks
>Goldfinger
>Licence to Kill
>GoldenEye
>Casino Royale
>Quantum of Solace

Trash bond flicks
>the rest

>>80359070
If we're talking flicks, you cannot, you absolutely cannot, leave out View to a Kill.

Blond Christopher Walken? Grace Jones? Blimp fights? Come on.

>>80359070
Goldfinger's plot was as ridiculous as the one with the giant space laser.

>>80359017
>tfw no muscle gf
;_;

>>80354827
Bond-age.
lol.

>>80359070
>QoS
confirmed reTARD

>>80359070
all Connery movies are kino

>>80359238
even diamonds are forever?

all of the bond movies are great

>>80359249
Especially Diamonds are Forever.

>>80359214
>2017
>still holding such plebeian opinions

Cease the flow of blood to your brain desu

I got most of the Bond movies in a box set a few years back. Up until the Dalton era, the fight scenes were laughable.

>>80359070

Even ignoring Quantum of Solace, Goldeneye isn't as good as you remember. I tried rewatching it a while back and it's cringe as fuck. Bad cuts, ridiculous music, shameless mugging, bad writing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACwkQP6q1QQ

Car commercials have better action, and they aren't using Willy Beamish music. It's bad.

>>80359346
Diamonds are Forever is a better Austin Powers movie than any of the Austin Powers movie.

>>80359695
The 90s were...an interesting time.

>>80356107
I watched this scene as a kid and it gave me a boner. I blame the jews for this indoctrination T B H

>>80359695
Your not really wrong but it's not like that race is a 'serious' action scene.

>>80358710
>destory

This scene sexually confused the fuck outta me as a kid

>>80359695
Goldeneye feels very weird now. It's so melodramatic at times and has straight-up horrific graphic violence in other parts. Ned Stark's plan is barely coherent and the more you think about him faking his death at the beginning the less it makes sense. It's still a fun movie but I think a lot of it had to do with 1)our age and 2)the n64 game. For me it was the first Bond I saw in a theater so it was absolutely awesome.

>>80359965
Yea it seems really ironic

>>80359695
It being one of the best Bond movies doesn't make it a great film in objective terms. However, it was both critically and commercially successful and is by FAR the best of the Brosnan era, not to mention saving a franchise that, at the time, a lot of people thought could not survive the Cold War.

Also, it introduced Judi Dench as M.

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>>80361240

?

Are you actually defending its placement in the top five, a list that only includes one of the Connery Bonds, yet has Dalton's worst (of the two) and Quantum of Solace?

Hey, don't get me wrong, I loved it when it came out too, but it doesn't hold up. It fell victim to a lot of the worst aspects of the 90s, and it's in no way a top five Bond movie. Better than a lot of the Roger Moore ones, and it has redeeming qualities, but top five? Give me a break.

>>80361456
I'm defending it as a top five Bond movie, though I did not comment on the other four in that list.

The top five Bond movies (in no specific order):

>From Russia With Love
>Goldeneye
>The Spy Who Loved Me
>The Living Daylights
>OHMSS

Special shoutout goes to Octopussy. If you can get past the ridiculous name and have enough attention span not to stop and giggle at the clown disguise, it's Moore's second-best outing. It helps that Maud Adams is the only good Bond Girl of the post-TSWLM Moore movies.

>Goldeneye is 90s as fuck though-
Every Bond movie is an unintentional period piece. Every single one of them. It is, in fact, one of the things I find most charming about the franchise and why I find a rewatch of the films so much fun. You can literally see the culture, technology, and politics, not to mention artistic style, of its time progress from film to film.

>But what about Dr. No-
It gets credit only for being first. It's not a bad movie by any means, but other subsequent films improved on the idea while this one is, in hindsight, rather simplistic.

>But what about Goldfinger-
The one where Bond is strung along by the villain for the entire movie and does literally nothing useful save for forcing himself on a lesbian to fuck her into turning straight and saving the day? Cringeworthy climax aside, the charisma of the villain and the DB5 are the only actually good things in this movie. It does get credit for basically inventing the franchise's formula, though.

>Are you really only giving Connery one top-five spot-
Yes, because I dislike the fanbase's mindless worship of him. He's a great actor in his prime, yes, but the majority of his Bond movies are mid-tier at best and horrible at worst. He's the guy from the first three movies, yeah, but he's also the guy from Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again (remember that one?). He's the guy who awkwardly tries to pass himself off as Japanese in You Only Live Twice, which does not work at all. So he's a three good movies to three bad ones, and Thunderball is just forgettable.

>>80361456

So, out of Dr. No, Goldfinger, Casino Royale, Thunderball, From Russia With Love, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, You Only Live Twice, Skyfall, The Spy Who Loved Me, Live and Let Die, The Man With the Golden Gun, For Your Eyes Only, Diamonds Are Forever, you'd put Goldeneye ahead of. . ? Cross nine of those off, but which ones?

It's a good Bond movie and all, but there are a ton of fucking great Bond movies. With five you're just limited to the classics.

>>80361767

Meant for: >>80361520

>>80361767
It's definitely better than Casino Royale. Are you kidding me? That movie is horrible. The plot makes no sense, the gadgets are product placement/10, the direction is a shitty Bourne ripoff, the villain is a pathetic wimp who dies offscreen after creeping on Bond.

Thunderball doesn't hold up well. The entire ending is a boring slog. It's mostly an elaborate commercial for yachting.

OHMSS has a bad actor and drags on too long and I never really bought the romance angle, which then gets ruined out of nowhere for a tragic ending that /tv/ would denounce as shitty if a movie did it in 2017.

You Only Live Twice is marginally better than Thunderball but worse than Goldeneye.

Skyfall is a shitty capeshit ripoff. Seriously, it feels like a Batman movie.

Live and Let Die is shitty blaxploitation and one of Moore's silliest. The Man with the Golden Gun is just as silly, just trades blaxploitation for kung fu.

I legitimately cannot recall any detail of For Your Eyes Only, and I've seen it at least half a dozen times. I sincerely do not remember anything about it.

Diamonds Are Forever? are you kidding me? The absolute worst of the Connery films, the one with the moon rover car chase and the gay hitmen and the unlikeable bond girl?

The only ones I would even cede are even remotely arguably better than Goldeneye are Dr. No, Goldfinger, FRWL, and TSWLM. And I'm only saying they're arguable, not that they are better. I'd put Goldeneye ahead of Dr. No for instance, but I can see why others wouldn't.

>>80361752
>The one where Bond is strung along by the villain for the entire movie and does literally nothing useful save for forcing himself on a lesbian to fuck her into turning straight and saving the day?

And this doesn't make it top 5 material because...?

Don't forget it also wonderfully illustrated the greatest weakness of the gold standard.

>>80361833
It's pretty high-tier, not a top five but in the good category. I think Dalton was a very underrated Bond actor and I think it did more to break the formula and pursue its own angle than 90% of Bond movies. It's not as good as the movie before it, though.

>>80361972
>And this doesn't make it top 5 material because...?
Because I like movies in which the main character is actually effective? Which isn't to say he can't fail, of course, but he doesn't do anything useful in the entire damn movie. He's mostly just along for the ride while Goldfinger schemes.

>>80361752
>Yes, because I dislike the fanbase's mindless worship of him.
>He's the guy from the first three movies, yeah, but he's also the guy from Diamonds Are Forever and Never Say Never Again (remember that one?).
>So he's a three good movies to three bad ones, and Thunderball is just forgettable.

Contrarian nonsense. And if the silly stuff they had Connery do from time to time gets movies taken off the list as penalty, then Roger Moore has about -5.

>>80362029
Contradicting the popular idea isn't inherently "contrarian." Being contrarian is when you do it purely for the sake of contradicting the popular idea.

People value the Connery movies too highly when, in fact, more of them than not are below average. That was just a pre-emptive reaction to the inevitable bitching that Connery should have at least four of the top five slots when honestly, most of his movies don't deserve it. If you'll notice, Moore only has one top-five spot too because most of his movies are far too silly.

Take the overrated, not bad but overrated, Dr. No off, and take Goldfinger whose problems I already laid out off, and FRWL is really his only great movie.

>>80357725
the swordfight in Die Another Day is off the chain, tho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpTUAOYrSII

>>80361957

Please. Goldeneye isn't even the best Brosnan Bond. Die Another Day is his best outing, poor CGI or not.

>>80357666
Thanks for bringing a smile to my face Satan

>>80362211
As an actual fencer, that scene was painful.

>>80354827
Killing your loved one.

"sorry, lover" - Bond to Alec

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>>80362222

>>80362222
Now THAT is how you waste quads.

>>80362155

Nah. You're being contrarian because you're judging the Connery movies more harshly because you're irritated by the muh Connery fanbase. So Goldeneye gets a pass for embodying much of 90s ridiculousness, but the Connery Bonds have to be absolute classics or they don't make the top five.

>>80362273
looks cool enough.
the only truly painful thing is Pierce twirling so goddamn much

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>>80362222
Die Another Day unseated A View to a Kill as the worst Bond movie in the entire franchise.

>>80359351
The editing in the film is absolute trash.

>>80362378
it was the silliest one for sure
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w6FV8P7HXg

>>80362365
No, I'm rating the Connery movies on their merits, not on Connery's as an actor. And the Connery movies do not hold up well on their own merits.

Too many fans think they're obligated to enjoy below-average films like You Only Live Twice and Diamonds Are Forever, even though the latter is almost identical to A View To A Kill in having literally nothing worthwhile save the 10/10 theme song.

I'm not saying they're bad because Connery is in them, I'm saying they're not good just because Connery is in them. Get it?

>>80362403
I never understood why people thought jump cuts so rapid it's literally dizzying and impossible to see what's going on in the scene is a good thing.

>>80362358

More like that's how quads reveal uncomfortable truths. Watch them again; I'm not joking.

>>80362450
What in Die Another Day was good?

The ridiculous even by Bond standards fight scenes?

The nork guy who became a rich western playboy because of daddy issues?

The guy with diamonds in his face for...uh, some reason?

Halle Berry apparently taking the stage direction "tongue in cheek" literally instead of figuratively, or her generally awful acting?

The MI5 chick being incredibly obviously a villain from a mile away, and somehow still managing to be an entirely un-supported twist?

The awful CGI, which I don't understand why this gets a pass?

The invisible car?

>>80362448
>No, I'm rating the Connery movies on their merits, not on Connery's as an actor. And the Connery movies do not hold up well on their own merits.
>Too many fans think they're obligated to enjoy below-average films like You Only Live Twice and Diamonds Are Forever, even though the latter is almost identical to A View To A Kill in having literally nothing worthwhile save the 10/10 theme song.

Dr. No doesn't hold up, and people are tricking themselves when they say it's a good movie? And Goldfinger? That's just silly.

>>80359017

Who she?

>>80362450
Stealing the apocalyptic plot from fucking Diamonds are Forever and forcing Brosnan to windsurf his geriatric ass alone knocks DaD below the level of Goldeneye, TND, and TWINE.

>>80355615
I rewatched it the other day. You're not wrong. It was horrendously bad. All the cliches, the asinine MacGuffin of a plot, the absolutely horrific conclusion. The ONLY good part was when the bad guy shoots the girl and Craig says "That's a waste of good Scotch."

>>80356667
i let my wife do this shit to me all the time-- it aint nothing

>>80362703
The scene where the villain first appears walking down a long hallway monologuing about cannibal rats was actually pretty damn awesome too, at least until the writers assumed audiences were too fucking stupid to understand it was a metaphor and had him lay out for Bond that he and Bond were the rats in the metaphor.

>>80362682
Every single aspect of the movie, EVERY single one, was a reference to an older film, except for a few scenes that were references to books. It was like a mosaic image in movie form.

>>80362595
Dr. No is a good movie, but it isn't a top five movie. And I laid out the problems with Goldfinger, if you think I'm wrong feel free to answer them.

>>80362010
>Because I like movies in which the main character is actually effective? Which isn't to say he can't fail, of course, but he doesn't do anything useful in the entire damn movie. He's mostly just along for the ride while Goldfinger schemes.

I'm sorry if I prefer my Bond movies to be movies where Bond actually does things other than play golf and watch the villain as the villain does things and then fuck the pretty girl at the end.

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Goldfinger makes a lot more sense if you realize Goldfinger is the main character, not Bond.

>>80362855
>Every single aspect of the movie, EVERY single one, was a reference to an older film
Name 20.

Because yeah, "Gadgets and other props from every previous Bond film and stored in Eon Productions' archives appear in Q's warehouse in the London Underground." and Jinx coming out of the water work as nostalgia.

But invisible cars? Windsurfing? North Korea? Hovercrafts? Non-shoe fencing? Personal gliders?

I guess maybe you can compare the gliders to TND's HALO jump?

But because the mosaic feels tenuous, the whole thing ends up coming across as jumbled.

>>80362957
Damn, they should've named the movie after him the...

>>80363043
Dr. No is named Dr. No, that doesn't make Dr. No the main character.

But Goldfinger is the main character of his movie, not Bond. A lot of the movie makes a lot mroe sense if you realize this, the way the perspective character doesn't do much but observe him, the way his actions, not Bond's, drive the plot, etc.

>>80362915

Yeah, I think you're wrong. With Goldfinger we get Q branch, the opening, "shaken, not stirred," Oddjob is classic, Honor Blackman is a top Bond girl. It's the movie that turned James Bond from fun little movies into a blockbuster institution.

>>80363092
see
>>80361752
>It does get credit for basically inventing the franchise's formula, though.

>>80362815
And then again at the end with the "Last rat standing" line.

There was no reason that Skyfall should have been as bad as it was.

>>80354827
goldeneye was the last good bond movie

>>80363134

Yeah, too little credit. You do realize that the things that Goldfinger "invented" are part of Goldfinger, right? That they're aspects of the movie?

It has classic villains, Honor Blackman is a top Bond Girl regardless of what you say, iconic lines, and yeah, it invented James Bond movies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx9z99YJ_7s

>>80363189
Well, except for Casino Royale.

>>80356549
>>80356279
how can you even die from this?

man these scenes made me so afraid of sex when i was young

>>80363538
Asphyxia

>>80363014
>Name 20.
I will. In order of films no less.

1: Jinx's first appearance is the same as Honey Ryder's in Dr. No.
2: Chinese spies watching Bond in his hotel room is framed identically to a scene in FRWL.
3: Bond bets a large diamond in a fencing duel the same way he bets Nazi gold in a golf game in Goldfinger.
4: Bond uses the same rebreather he did in Thunderball.
5: An underground secret subway from You Only Live Twice is shown.
6: Bond escapes a massive avalanche in both OHMSS and Die Another Day.
7: The diamond-powered space laser is exactly like Diamonds are Forever.
8: The main villain is a previous villain with a new face due to scifi face-swapping technology. Plastic surgery in Diamonds are Forever, gene therapy in Die Another Day. Really, I could probably list 20 from Diamonds Are Forever alone, but two major ones will do.
9: The minefields exploding is intentionally framed similarly to the drug fields exploding in Live and Let Die.
10: Bond walks through a random room with spinning mirrors in it similar to one in The Man with the Golden Gun.
11: Graves' Union Jack parachute is identical to Bond's in The Spy Who Loved Me.
12: The nork guy's hovercraft goes over a waterfall just like Jaws does in Moonraker.
13: Madonna, the singer of the theme song, has a similar cameo as the singer in For Your Eyes Only's theme song does in that film.
14: Several gadgets from Octopussy are in Q's lab.
15: Graves watching flooding and destruction from his plane is framed similarly to Zorin doing so from his blimp in A View to a Kill.
cont.

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>>80363538
I'll be honest. I've started my share of "Xenia, I can't breathe" threads and I still have no fucking clue.

>>80363587
Is she constricting his lower diaphragm? Because he should still be able to breathe shallowly with up and down force, even if her legs were wrapped around so his ribcage couldn't expand.

It's a fucking mystery.

>>80363587
but is a women really so strong that she can strangle you with her vag when you fuck her? im confused as to how it works

>>80363538
>Onatopp
Lol they really got creative with that one

Also, you die from having too much blood rush to your cock

>>80363643
16: Bond drives aboard a taxiing airplane in the exact same way he does in The Living Daylights.
17: Licence to Kill also had Bond get his license revoked and had M accuse him of treason, prompting him to go rogue to continue an investigation out of a personal motive.
18: Bond uses a laser in his watch to cut his way free from danger just like in Goldeneye.
19: Jinx hits a guard with a throwing knife in the throat as he comes through a door in the exact same way Wei Lin does in Tomorrow Never Dies.
20: The offices in Cuba have the fire system go off at the start of the action exactly like what happens in TWiNE, and the design of the interior is deliberately similar to MI6's offices.

There are hundreds of tiny examples, it's actually almost impressive. The scene where M interrogates Bond through glass is lifted straight from one of the books. Roger Moore's daughter shows up in one scene for a cameo. The book Bond is holding in Cuba is a book that inspired Fleming to name the character James Bond. The nork colonel guy is a reference to the Bond novel Colonel Sun. A North Korean officer becomes a British multimillionaire just like a Nazi does in the novel version of Moonraker. He then uses the money he raises being a British playboy in a plot to destroy the West, and remarks on the irony. Speaking of that novel, Miranda Frost is an expy of a character from it. It re-uses the EXACT same stock footage of an antiship missile being fired from a naval vessel as used in TND, literally the same footage.

Windsurfing is a reference to Bond's love of watersports in the books and early films (referenced in a spoken line in Thunderball too). Hovercrafts are just a cool Bond vehicle. North Korea is just a standin because we no longer have a USSR. The fencing scene was so pants-on-head retarded you're right, it was invented for this movie. Seriously, it was utterly absurd. And powered gliders showed up in Moonraker.

>>80363664
>Also, you die from having too much blood rush to your cock
that is one thing that i'm certain off but im wondering what the legs are for

>>80363702
Death via facesitting
She was about to lock in a face triangle lock

There are worse ways to go t b h

>>80363538
Xenia could squeeze her legs together so hard she could constrict her victim's chest until they asphyxiated.

And yes, this IS incredibly silly even by Bond standards.

>>80363733
wat

>>80363749
no girl could be this strong right?

>>80363801
I really doubt it. Even if they were bodybuilders, I don't think the muscles involved could clench that tightly.

>>80356279
>>80356549
I want to impregnate her and get killed by her at the same time. Like a male spider getting eaten by the female during mating

>>80363801
>no girl could be this strong right?

Yeah, it's not really possible. The only way guys are really going to die is if she gives them a heart attack from the stress of mild internal injuries.

>>80363859
yeah so its fake

>>80359111
View to a Kill has the best opening song/sequence IMO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmMIgIygzdA

>>80363801
>No guy could have teeth that can chew threw tank armor... r-right? Or a watch that can stick into a wall using a hook like spiderman. Or a car that can turn completely invisible? Or a............................

>>80364010
shame the entire movie goes downhill from there though

>>80364055
stop doing ironic meme arrows about my post now I feel stupid and i'm afraid to ask questions because people on 4chan might make fun of me

>>80364010
Dance!

Into the FIYA!

>>80355275
Fpbp

>>80364010
>A View to a Kill
It's definitely a top five theme song. Along with
>Goldfinger
>Diamonds Are Forever
>Goldeneye
>You Know My Name

Special mentions go to Moonraker, Licence to Kill, Thunderball, and the significantly better, yet rejected Shirley Bassey theme for Quantum of Solace, which would've rendered it the third trash Bond film with a great theme. Link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCX4SxhpPwE