Chev Chelios must _______ to survive

>>80108121
suck bbc

roll dubs

>>80108121
Chev Chelios must your dads dick is tiny to survive

>>80108121
Chev Chelios must drink blood/beer to survive.

>>80108121

Eat Hamburgers.

>>80108121
try to out-tweet trump

>>80108121

Chev Chelios must Bane-post to survive

No idea will be better than 'stay cold', it follows the last movie perfectly and is broad enough to support all sorts of ideas.

>>80108121
maintain a boner

>>80108121
DJA'MEAN?

>>80108121

make daisy chains

>>80109958
what about "stay on fire"
he needs to pour gas on himself frequently or he burns out and dies

Judging by that picture, I'm gonna go with "fingerbang"

>>80108121

build a wall (a great wall)

Stay hydrated. Second movie started off with a battery. Third movie start him off with an IV Drip.

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>>80109958
Damn, that's actually a good idea.

Constantly improvise slam poetry describing his situation.

Weren't those two movies a big success? Why has it taken them so long to do a third?

>>80109958
>'stay cold'
in LA's summer
really good idea m8 call the producers

>>80108121

Maintain an erection

take it easy and not do anything too straining

Smoke two joints.

>>80112433
like assaulting a la kings game, stealing a ice cone from a lil girl, having sex in a pool with amy smart ending the movie on the beach shit like that

>>80112505
badfish

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>>80108121

>>80108121
Sing.

>>80112540

The scene we're all looking for is him fighting twelve dudes in a meat freezer, and he gets stronger the more clothes he loses.

>mfw i remember a thread on At The Theatre when 2 released where they theorized chevs heart replaced with a hamster wheel in which he had to swallow hamsters in order to stay alive

Lol

>>80112540
and theres a moment in the movies where starts raining but its acid rain so he has to eliminate russian mafia guys before he gets completely burn

>>80108121

Grow a full head of hair

>>80112594
>and he gets stronger the more clothes he loses.
>when you need the gay men and hetero women audience
really nice phamalam

>>80112679

The Crank films are perfectly set up to get every audience like that.

I honestly don't know why more films don't go for it. There would obviously be a straight sex scene, maybe he gets his girl to lie in a cold bath as they do it or something.

>>80112672
>2040
>there are now as many Crank movies as there are Star Wars

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>>80112672
"you wot mate, ill bash you head in, wanker"
>>80112714
its also match with the second film's ending. he cant stop burning away

>>80112672

I could stand to watch a quarter hour stunt sequence where he has to fight without losing his wig. It would strain a ninety minute film.

>>80112733

GOOD.

>>80108121
steal enough money to fund Crank 3

https://youtu.be/W1oQGiV5AHw
Holy Christ what were they thinking

FUCK
U
C
K
YOU
O
U
CHELIOS
H
E
L
I
O
S

>>80112830
The minds behind this movie were clearly on bath salts.

Catch chickens.

>>80112862
actually they were alcoholics

>>80112960
arent alcoholics depressed af

>>80112982
idk but the directors have admitted to doing most of the shooting while drunk for the movies they made in that part of their lives

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>>80112960
Karl bless them for giving Dwight Yoakam a job

>>80108121
>Chev Chelios must _______ to survive

Check these Double Digits

>>80112341
they weren't that big, 20-30 'studio profit' on small budgets

thing is they were lionsgate movies, and they're gradually moved up into doing bigger movies

I would like to think if deadpool showed how big a R movie can gross, that crank 3 is possible

might be statham is concerned about his image

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>>80108121
fuck amy smart

>>80109958
Yeah but that's piss easy compared to the first two. All he needs to do is move to Alaska or some shit and he can live out a peaceful life.

>>80108121
Chev Chelios must reply to this post for his mother to survive

>>80113225
Clever

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>>80113225
It's ok, we aren't Chev Chelios so nobody needs to reply to this post.

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>>80113152
>agrees to the expendables
>worried about image

>>80113225

Chev is on skype with his kidnapped mother the whole time. Dialog consists of epic bants between them.

>>80113224
>implying he would have enough time to move to alaska

>>80113224

He has to stay cold in a hot place to find the cure.

>>80113225
Nigga

>>80112830
>There are people who don't realise Jason Statham is the superior Tom Cruise in almost every way
God i fucking love him

Take psychedelic drugs.

I'm tellin' ya man, it'd work. He gets brainwashed by the chinks after he recovers from all the burns to kill Amy Smart because he's just that good of a killer. Thing is, while they're doing that he takes a tab of LSD that he had hidden (or was just lying around) and goes fucking berserk, he escapes but the brainwashing's already started to kick in. He's gotta trip balls in order to find the people that forced him to kill his girl.

Coming this summer

Crank3d

>>80113820

Wow. And it could be in trippy, Harold & Kumar style 3D!

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>>80113225

>>80108121
Get papercuts

>>80113225
asasdasd

>crank - adrenaline
>crank 2 - electricity
>crank 3 - OIL

may be the most politically provocative kino of our ages.

>>80113225

>>80108121
Remain abstinent for an entire movie

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IS THAT YOU CHEV CHELIOS?

>>80114442
Don't click the spoiler, guys.

>>80112220
He joins the marines, and drinks 12 to 14 canteens a day

He needs to huff helium to survive.

>>80116571
Chev Chelios has an evil doppelganger called Huff Helium

>>80108121

>Chev Chelios must not touch the floor as it is lava to survive

>>80116751
Chev Chelios Jr.

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>>80108121
Chev Chelios must maintain constant cellular phone coverage to survive. The problem, however, is that Chev has been skimping on his cell service lately: he decided to switch from Sprint Mobile to Tracfone, and in doing so has put himself right at death's door. (insert pun about signal bars here)

Sponsored by Sprint™

>>80113225
hah

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>>80116718

>>80108121
Chev Chelios must shitpost to survive

>>80108121
>eat
>poop

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>>80117204
>tfw we Chev Chelios now

What kind a name of Chev Chelios anyway

Keep eating. If his blood sugar drops below a certain point, he will die

>>80117552
>Crank 3: High Blood Sugar

Ejaculate every 15 minutes

>>80117579
>Crank: His Dick 4 Hours

>>80117572
>Steals candy from children
>Grabbing hot food from a buffet line with his bare hands
>Vomiting on guys trying to kill him because his stomach is so full
>Has to shit

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>>80108121
Why are these threads always so damn good?

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>>80108121
post on 4chan

>>80117410
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksnZ22k2dLY

>>80117768
Good movies make good conversations, in this case, funny shitposting.

>>80108121
shout racial slurs at the top of his lungs in crowded areas

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>>80113225
RIP in piece, Chev Chelios's mom.

If you're ITT, Chev, i wanna let you know i'm your fan.