/ourguy/ or >>reddit

Get Out is an almost 2 hour porn foreplay scene

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>based Armond being the sole critic to break the perfect streak

absolute mad man

>>79896190
How to make an Armond White review:

Remember that Film only exists as an artform to enrich or reflect culture, and your review must hinge on whether it has or has not done so. Entertainment is an atavistic behavior like shitting and must never be acknowledged as a need.

>Flip a coin to decide whether you loved it or hated it, there is no inbetween

If you hated it:
>Treat the production as though only the director has any power here. Screenwriters, editors, and composers don't exist and actors are helpless meat puppets. Only the director is to blame.

>Compare the production to something from another decade to remind the reader how culturally literate you are, even if it's the most plebeian reference imaginable.

>Insist that the director failed to achieve a specific overreaching goal.

>At no time in your review provide evidence you watched the movie by referencing something in it. Aggressively resist doing so.

If you loved it:
>Compare the production to something else you deem meaningful no matter how ludicrous it is and how unlikely it was intended to reflect that.

>Insist that it understands a greater meaning. Offer nothing resembling proof and utilize any and all rhetorical fallacies to bolster your position.

>Cherish the actors'/director's/screenwriter's efforts, again lauding them for things they didn't do.

>As above, wax eloquent in generalities and presupposed conclusions without evidence.

In both cases:
>Ensure your overanalysis is beyond reproach as a gay black man in a white straight man's profession by pandering to an undergraduate's idea of what constitutes a good essay: a strong opinion bolstered by dishonest rhetoric and misdirection through frequent cultural referents.

Armond is who i want to be when I grow up

>>79896190
Reddit

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Armond has been our guy for years

Reddit hates him

>>79896190
Combo breaker.

>>79897257
Literally every reviewer ever. Only reason you hate him is because you're a weenie.

>>79896190
So this guy just waits for the reviews to come in to publish his and ruin the score, right?