Why do I feel like Angelina Jolie could beat the fucking shit

10/10 casting for tomb raider
captcha: solo actress

man jaw

was angie's tits real? those look too spherical to be real

>>79604200
Maybe back then but not anymore. Angie became a twig.

>>79604242
It was the oldest special effect in the book: her shirt was more stuffed than a Thanksgiving Turducken

>>79604242

Should have been triangular

>>79604242
No, she wore pads for the Tomb Raider movies, they said so back in the day.
But say in a movie like Gia, yeah, those were her real tits.

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>>79604288
>I somehow had several of my first orgasms while maneuvering this polygonal model into a corner to see it better
I was there for it and I still can't understand how it happened

>the movie will be the start of a shared cinematic universe with Just Cause, Hitman, Deus Ex and Thief adaptations
I...

...how?

What?

>we need REALISM in everything!
>from superhero nonsense to video game movies, REALISM
>everything must be gritty and REAL
>NO FUN ALLOWED, FAGGOTS
I hate movies and video games. I've got nothing left. Won't be long before I'm sucking the thick dick of death.

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>>79604391
Fuuuuck i don't want to see Hollywood fuck up deus ex

Why would they dress Lara in the shit costume from the awful new games?

Angie is shit now but she was damn fine back then.

Probably won't watch the new one if it's anything like the reboot. I just didn't like it. Was no fun and Lara was annoying. I'd rather have a Nathan Drake movie.

>>79604391
>If everything was entirely up to me, it would be Just Cause, Hitman, and Lara Croft in the same universe, and Deus Ex would be the future of that universe and Thief would be the past

>this is a literal movie producer in 2017

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>>79604391
>>79605550
STOP MAKING VIDEO GAMES MOVIES. THEY'RE SHIT.

STOP TRYING TO BE CAPESHIT WITH THE UNIVERSE SHIT.

Can there ever be actual vidya KINO? Like a Dark Knight scenario where the source material is elevated way beyond what was originally there.

more like womb raider lol

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>>79607324
That time came and went 20 years ago

>>79607324
I legitimately thought that would happen with AC

>>79607408
Only good as nostalgia, and not even that much

>>79604391
>Putting Hitman in the same universe as Just Cause and Thief

Hitman is a shitty side story in the John Wick universe, along with Payday, Hardcore Henry, and a hypothetical version of the Point Break remake that isn't terrible.

A lady should be modest.

>>79607445
I was genuinely surprised by just how bad it was. I thought it was at worst going to be mediocre/forgettable like the Prince of Persia movie.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=A9f-wgBXJ2E

hope it'll be fun and not super realistic

>>79608797
OP's pic looks like it's based on the recent games, so I'm guessing it'll go for realistic.

>>79608797
That clip had nothing to do with Tomb Raider

>>79604200
Dem Thighs, bro

>>79608797

>USPs with compensators

K I N O

I

N

O

>>79608797
>CGI fights with a robot
That's what Tomb Raider is all about

>>79609750
That's what kino was invented for.

>>79607583
>Hitman is a shitty side story in the John Wick universe
other way around

>>79609750
You're right. They should've replaced it with a T-Rex.

>>79609796
>kino
Fuck your retarded memes. I can't wait for the day you die.
There's a board for children and autistic fuck-ups
>>>/b/
Repeat things other idiots have said there, you'll fit right in with the other retards who say the same things over and over again to impress other failed people with their childish nonsense.

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>>79610167
>this mad over someone jokingly using the word "kino"

>>79604349

puberty was a mistake

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>>79604893
Because that's the CURRENT YEAR Lara everybody on the left loves to schlick over. You can't have a stoic, aristocratic, Amazonian heroine anymore. They have to simultaneously be capable of everything men are while eschewing all of the personality quirks that come with that behavior. They have to be whiny millennials who can fight like the greatest generation, no matter how fucking stupid or unrealistic it is to have those two mashed together. The reboot series perfectly encapsulated this with Lara being a whiny relatively plain Jane capable of mowing everything down including immortal Japanese/Byzantine warriors and trained security forces.

>tfw yet another strong Amazon character gets wilted into yet another whiny, annoying, needlessly sassy, cupless, toneless, stick-figured, cookie-cutter brunette

Why is it that vidya movies never get decent writers? They always get good directors/actors but fuck it all up by hiring the writer of Divergent or some other piece of shit.

>>79610749
Just off the top of my head I would guess the executives dont think highly enough of the property and have low standards with the selection process.

>>79604200

Not just Angelina though... for all the feminism in media now days the new "heroines" are considerably weaker than back in the day.

They can't top Sarah Connor or Ripley no matter how much they try.
The only one from this generation that actually looks that is actually up to the task of female action lead is Beckinsale.

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People give Brad shit for choosing Jolie, but back then I never blamed him. Tho with the way Jen has gone solo, I'm not sure he wouldn't have had the same fate either way.

>>79604791
Why contain it?

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>>79604200
I know /tv/ has been out of the loop for a while. But the new Lara is tiny. Everyone is confused why they made her so short in the new game. She's not that tall hourglassed bombshell anymore.

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>>79604200
>not wearing the classic tomb raider outfit

>>79604200
Why does she have high heel combat boots?

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>>79611330
That's nu-Lara's default now.

>>79607324
When they make an HBO Metal Gear series written by Kojima, vidyakino will have arrived.

>>79611419
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA etc.

>>79611406

I fucking hate how her hair looks. Like a bouquet of jpegs.

>>79610711
>not enjoying a hot woman effortlessly mowing down hundreds of men

Kill yourself, faggot.

>>79604413
Join us over here at anime lands.

>>79611507
But I do, I wouldn't be bitching about the state of Lara's depictions at all if I didn't enjoy that since old Lara was capable of doing exactly that without whining, bitching, and crying about it to suck all the fun out of it.

>>79611643
When did Lara accumulate anything near a comparable body count to the reboot?

>>79611734
>When did Lara accumulate anything near a comparable body count to the reboot?

she killed a T-Rex in her first game.

Fuck your QTE wolves.

>>79611243
Is nu-lara now fighting injustice of some tribe people instead of hunting artifacts? Why are they botching such an iconic character? This past decade was a mistake.

>>79611960
Nah. She really just wants the artifact. She likes the people though, and helps them. But she does it selfishly. I forget how it ends. But I think like the artifact is too much to handle anyway, so she lets the tribe keep it. Don't take my word for it. Fuzzy memory. But she's definitely there to raid some tombs in the last game.

>>79611946
>Killing animals is the same as killing men
Wrong. The former isn't hot.

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>>79611960
she does both

>>79611734
Quality over quantity. In the original series she killed lots of interesting things, in the reboots it's nothing but guys with guns and a wolf here and there until you get to the supernatural guys.

Besides, the bodycount doesn't really mean all that much when the original Lara was clearly still OK with gunning them down without bitching and crying about it. The Tomb Raider reboots suffered for being turned into third-person shooters first and foremost anyway.

>>79611960
new laura isnt canon

>>79612059

Lara has killed tons of dudes in her previous games though, you're an idiot either way.

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What did she mean by this?

>>79611960
>This past decade was a mistake.
Truer words have never been spoken.

I miss the old Lara Croft where she was like an eccentric rich bitch that lived in a fuck off huge mansion with just her butler and she killed gods, dinosaurs and shit from mythology and was all sassy and sarcastic. Absolutely iconic.

>>79612056

Pretty sure she destroys the artifact because the immortal guy wants her too and then he fades away to generic ash.

Basically she walks away with solid knowledge that myths are real and I suppose it's implied in the next game she will be less skeptical.

>>79604391
Thief? The Michael Mann film? What the fuck does James Caan have to do with anything?

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I'd watch it for the visuals tbqh

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Probably made it like a 1/3 of the way in the recent reboot before I got bored. Felt like 90% of the time, I was hearing
>AAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
>omg i'm such fucking shit come save me roth
I hope we get none of that in this.

>they set out to make new lara 'relatable'
>she is literally a one woman army with tacked on 'relatable' emotions
>There is zero connection with how she reacts in cutscenes to what she can achieve in gameplay
>literally gets her leg caught in a bear trap and scales a cliff face moments later

Shit whatever that's cool but there is absolutely nothing relatable to what Lara achieves. It's like trying to connect to magnets, the 'young, inexperienced and emotional' angle doesn't connect when your character is an entirely competent war machine.

>>79612387

Thief as in the long running Eidos franchise. The old ones have good lore and atmosphere and the main character can't take on two guards without getting fucked up. They were good.

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>>79612586
Yup, she was never that relatable, but then again she kind of wasn't supposed to be. She was supposed to be a larger than life figure. A James Bond or Indiana Jones. The new Lara has none of that mortal superhero charm but all of the same problems. In attempting to make her relatable they simply threw away what made her awesome to begin with for a pay off that never comes.

It's a reminder of why I hate deconstructions so much, because they often just ruin a franchise's appeal while giving nothing back in the process. Granted, some parts of the original series needed updating, but I'd much rather see a reconstruction of Lara instead of more of this bullshit we're getting.

The mansion dlc in the new game seemed to hint at a remake of Tomb Raider 2.

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>>79604391
>Deus Ex movie

They aren't even making Deus Ex games any more, my man.

>tfw Mankind Divided was fantastic but plagued by Square Enix's infinite capacity for bumfuckery

>>79610711
Don't get me wrong, but Reboot Lara gives me the bone. The issue isn't the design or outfit, it's the casting, which is a shame because I actually like Vikander.

idk how they made Rise Raider look so ugly.

>>79604391
>just cause movie

Hmmm, this should be fucking cool.

>>79612714
Was this porn good? It looks like it might suck because its a bit awkward with the sad tied up angle but its a hot idea having old and new Lara be lesbians.

>>79612714

Nothing will beat original 90s/early 2000's Lara Croft and games, but Anniversary/Legend/Underworld Lara was a pretty nice balance of likeable character that was still larger than life. It was all down hill after that.

>>79612928
I think it's just a bad cosplay video.

>>79611734

Mate, pretty sure old LAra literally killed a couple of gods and regularly fought all manner of unnatural monsters. She also killed a dragon and three T-rex's.

>>79604200
It's the big tits. As animals anything just g that makes someone look bigger makes them look stronger even if we know logical it's just fat. It's the real reason why women in comic books and videogames were such bombshells.

>>79613219

She cheated the creature that devours people in the egyptian underworld. Last Revelation was so good back in the day.

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>>79613080
Underworld's Lara was amazing, it's too bad the game itself was so utterly bug-riddled.

>>79612478
> pigeon toed
Just when I thought nu-lara couldn't get any worse...

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>>79604791
>globe earth
ppffftttt Goood goy.

>>79614170
She doesn't look pigeon toed there to me. Her feet are pointing outward.

>>79604310
So they actually made an effort to make her look like the character? Interesting.

>>79604200
Will this be better than the StudioFOW version?

women beating the shit out of something...

https://youtu.be/YbBIK8CzCYo

>>79613219
Killing mythological figures and animals isn't the same as butchering entire battalions of male mooks.

Only the latter gets my pecker up.

>>79611419
Honestly, why couldn't this be a thing?

>>79604391
> Deus Ex

oh no

>Thief
there is no way that hollywood can capture the aesthetic of the city, it's going to look like t44f

>>79604391
Those franchises are all dead/dying so they try to make as much money as possible from them before they're completely forgotten. Square-Enix being in deep shit in the japanese market isn't helping.

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>>79604242
Pretty sure they are real but they were shaped by a bra or something to make them look more "spherical" for that movie. In reality they are actually quite large.

>>79604200
because jolie is 90% silicone and can bounce off a concrete wall

>>79615607
It's too good to ever be real.

>>79614170
>pigeon toed
do you even know what that means

>>79612937
>>79612817
I wonder what pre 2014 /v/ would think of this game