*teleports behind you* The closest object to you is your only

Tea towel I was gonna masturbate into

Very

>>79604028
Plastic Laundry Bin

maybe if I do his laundry he will let me live?

>>79604028
>teleports behind me
so he teleporting into a wall?

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My dick, which is always in my hand as I browse /tv/

I'm thinkin I'll be fine

>>79604028
I didn't kill his dog or try and bring him back into the Game, I think I'll be fine.

it's literally a keyboard or laptop or phone for everyone reading this

>>79604028
>computer
He's no match to my shitposting abilities, it's not even fair.

>>79604309
Or a wall

>>79604309
Fuck you bitch, my phone cord is closer to me than my phone.

My extracted wisdom tooth that i cant stop touching

>>79604028
Wouldn't the closest object to all of us be our chairs/desks/mice/keyboards/phones? We literally have to be touching one of those things

Half a liter cup of scalding hot water

Could be worse I guess

>>79604028
>a mattress with a bunch of holes and really sharp bed springs sticking out

He's fucked. I'll just offer him a good night's rest without telling him that if he doesn't sleep in a certain position a really uncomfortable spring will pop up and scratch him.

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Thank fuck I'm strong enough to wield it

>>79604436
Buy a new bed, Jesus Christ

>>79604028
I'm currently touching a chair, a mouse, my clothes, and the floor

Which is closest to me?

>>79604028
>Hairbrush or Chocolate Milk
I'm fucked, kiddo.

HB pencil. If I was a better man I could make this work, but alas, I am not

>>79604496

How many hands you got bro?

>>79604028
The closest object to all of you faggots is you computer chairs if not your clothes.

These fucking threads are always retarded.

>>79604028
Well I didn't do anything to him so it doesn't really matter, does it? I'm safe.

>>79604559
His intention is to kill you with your own disarticulated penis.

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1MB, 700x990px

My onahole, maybe he can slurp the cum out of it.

>>79604028
My closest weapon is my glock I carry on my side. I have an open carry. lol rip mr. wick. i dare him to try me.

Dab torch - if u burn his eyes out I can get a chance to break one of his legs with the bat I've got then I can kill him

Im taking a shit...fuck it ill kill him eith a bar of soap i guess as hes gonna be stuck behind the toilet