>this is now canon How do you feel?

*poot*

>>79601985
but what was the wizarding world's tax policy?

>>79601985
Wizards don't wipe.

>>79601985
It's almost like an implication that the franchise is shit.

>>79601985
Someone post the pasta pls

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>>79602150
This

Also, this image seems to have more magical capabilities than the entire franchise

>>79601985
wizards were a mistake
gas the wizards

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Just imagine you’re taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest, slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd JingleJangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum” and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you during a fucking test.

let's see who's the first one to post those fake tweets

>>79601985
Harry Potter is a garbage series for adult children. If you take it seriously after age 11 you need therapy.

>>79602080
Welfare queen, JK Rowling, wrote it, so probably substantial.

>>79602244
Sounds like regular high school.

jealous

I remember seing one or two of these films when I was young and there was a scene with a ghost and some kind of troll in a toilet, why do they have toilets?

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Maybe if they didn't shit their pants so often, they might have more intelligent plans. Seriously each episode following the boy wizard and his pals from Hogwarts Academy as they fight assorted villains has been indistinguishable from the others. Aside from the gloomy imagery, the series' only consistency has been its lack of excitement and ineffective use of special effects, all to make magic unmagical, to make action seem inert.

Perhaps the die was cast when Rowling vetoed the idea of Spielberg directing the series; she made sure the series would never be mistaken for a work of art that meant anything to anybody, just ridiculously profitable cross-promotion for her books. The Harry Potter series might be anti-Christian (or not), but it's certainly the anti-James Bond series in its refusal of wonder, beauty and excitement. No one wants to face that fact. Now, thankfully, they no longer have to.

>a-at least the books were good though
"No!"
The writing is dreadful; the book was terrible. As I read, I noticed that every time a character went for a walk, the author wrote instead that the character "stretched his legs."

I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated. I stopped only after I had marked the envelope several dozen times. I was incredulous. Rowling's mind is so governed by cliches and dead metaphors that she has no other style of writing. Later I read a lavish, loving review of Harry Potter by the same Stephen King. He wrote something to the effect of, "If these kids are reading Harry Potter at 11 or 12, then when they get older they will go on to read Stephen King." And he was quite right. He was not being ironic. When you read "Harry Potter" you are, in fact, trained to read Stephen King.

>>79602272
>Harry Potter is a garbage series for adult children.

wat. It's for children children.

But they show toilets multiple times in the films. Rowling really is a hack and just makes this shit up as she goes huh
>DUMBELDORE IS GAY
>no I don't agree with you
>WELL I NEVER SAID HE WASNT GAY!

>>79602339
>I began marking on the back of an envelope every time that phrase was repeated.

I bet you're fun at parties.

>>79602358
It's made for children but man children latch onto it.
>TRUMP IS LITERALLY VOLDEMORT XD

>>79602396
I bet you're new

>>79602080
Seriously, what was Hogwarts budget? Were the teachers unionized? How did the quidditch coach make?

>>79602396
N E W
E
W

>>79602396
It's is pasta my best newfriendo.

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The worst thing about Harry Potter are these girls in their late teens/early 20s who talk about what Harry Potter house they belong to. I shit you not there are girls in my Social Sciences course who unironically talk about this shit and take it seriously

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ2buIPiDXg

>>79602551
I always thought Harry Potter fans were worse than Twilight fans

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>>79602339
>Maybe if they didn't shit their pants so often, they might have more intelligent plans.

the greatest thing about this pasta is when the anons put in enough effort to change the opening to fit the thread. i fucking love it

>>79602465
To begin with wizards barely even have a culture of working, in case you didn't notice they study some very fucking useless shit in that school
So long as you know the spells etc you'll be fine, because there are spells for anything except for those few things like producing food or whatever, but then you have a magical race of servile super wizards that will lick your bumhole clean if you tell them to to do all that mundane shit like food production
So wizards just don't need to ever worry about shit
Those who want to work can and they have a handful of choices that are basically ministry or working in a shop/pub/etc

>>79602339
(You)'re usually faster than this

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>be me
>in DotDA class
>prof comes in
>"Today I will teach you how to deflect the deadliest spells and curses"
>guy next to me raises his robe and squats on the floor
>gets up
>steaming pile of shit on the floor
>"VANISFECALO"
>the shit disappears in a puff of smoke, but the smell lingers
>professor starts to teach us the spell
>girl in front squats on the floor
>stream of piss hits my shoe
>get sup and theres a steaming shit
>"VANISFECALO" she whispers
>the shit and piss disappear
>so disgusted that I missed what the professor said
>"YOU DID YOU HEAR THAT?! How do you deflect the imperius curse?"
>guy next to me squats on the floor while everyone stares at me.

>>79602573
disagree, there is a vast amount of husbandos and waifus, compared to the two in twilight that is grossly one-sided.

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>>79602371
>But they show toilets multiple times in the films.
According to Rowling they only used to shit themselves until humans introduced them to indoor plumbing.

>>79602551
>not bullshitting about your love of harry potter to fuck 20 year olds

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>>79602339
>no mention of being the dullest franchise

terrible

>>79602551
>spent the better part of last 3 years coming to terms with a website randomly assigning her into a specific fictional "house" that wasn't her favorite
I don't know if I should feel better about myself or worse seeing that she still seems like a successful happy person

DESIGNATED SHITTING SPELLS

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVOUAXAnTu8

>Drinking tea from a Harry Potter mug
>British
>Slightly chubby/frumpy looking girl
>Fairy lights on bed
>Royalty free ukulele music in the background
>Hufflepuff

>>79602623
DESIGNATED

>be young wizard from a muggle family
>just found out you're a Wizard a few days ago
>on the hogwarts express for the first time
>excited but kinda nervous too
>looking for a place to sit down
>sit down next to this other kid
>thinking about introducing yourself
>suddenly the guy just drops the nastiest, smelliest shit you've ever fucking seen right in his pants
>trying not to drop dead right then and there
>guy is completely unfazed
>flicks his wand about and says "removus me poopus"
>just goes back to whatever he was doing before

>>79602080
Probably incredibly stupid, seeing as wizarding banks were literally just giant vaults of money instead of sensibly having it sensible invested in index funds.

>>79602396
nice job outing yourself newshitter

fuck off out of my thread and board, poindexter

*swirlies u*

>>79602627
The thing is Twilight fans are mostly regular teenage girls whereas Harry Potter fans are, autistic retards

>>79602244
>>79602623
>>79602795
Will Harry Potter shitposting surpass Bane in terms of memeness?

>removus me poopus

>>79602697
>>spent the better part of last 3 years coming to terms with a website randomly assigning her into a specific fictional "house" that wasn't her favorite

Hilarious

>>79602587
Every time it lacks "dullest franchise" and people still get hard over it, I realize more and more that God is dead and nothing will ever again be right in this world.

>>79602669
P O O I N L O O
O
O

I
N

L
O
O

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>>79602795
"removus me poopus"

>>79602697
Did it ever occur to you that that is because her story is absolute bullshit but sells like hot cross buns on Easter anyway because of all the crazy potter fans out there, resulting in her getting to enjoy many youtubedollars and thus being happy and successful?

>"sorted" at age 23
>has problems with it until age 26

or

>"wow potter clips get millions of hits!"
>make potter clips that relate to "real life issues"

Gee I wonder which of the two it is.

>>79602080
HAHAHA

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>>79602669
god fucking damn it Rowling

>>79602669
Did they do the same thing with unwanted pregnancies?

>>79601985
DESIGNATUS

>>79602848
a majority of people are not autistic retards, though.

>>79602975
Fetus deletus

>>79602551
It's not just girls, anon. I've seen plenty of people here on /tv/ unironically discuss what house they'd be in.

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>>79603001
I'm fucking dead

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>>79603001

>school has bathrooms, a troll even appears in the girls one

>nah everyone is making shit disappear, even though vanishing spells would be one of the more advanced spells

This doesn't make sense. I thought you can't use magic outside of school when you're underage, so how would they remove the poop?

I'll post this here because two dullest threads on /tv/ simultaneously is too much

Harry Potter grew up to be a serial killer
It's obvious, why else would the "boy who lived" turn out a literal who when he grew up, it's all pretense of being unassuming and mild mannered to keep attention away
He grew up 11 years in a household where he was treated like absolute dirt, worse than that he was treated with actual malice
It's just too unreasonable to imagine that didn't really fuck him up and the first evidence we see of his homicidal streak is when he subconsciously tries to have his cunt cousin eaten alive by a giant snake
But he hadn't really "awakened" to it at this point
He then learns about his origins and the wizarding world and all that and at the end of his first year at Hogwarts, at the age of 11 he first kills somebody - Quirrell
That leaves and impression him that never quite fades, it's a thrill that just leaves him craving more
Eventually he learns about aurors and realizes it's his chance, he can kill "evil wizards" under the pretense of doing auror work so he latches hard on the idea of becoming one
In the end though Voldemort is defeated and "evil wizards" are subdued pretty fast, faster than he could get in on the action and so he was forced to become a killer skulking in the shadows

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>>79603068
they said the girls never used the bathroom in harry potter 2 because it was haunted

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>>79603001

>>79603183
They would call their older sister to do it for them.

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>>79603001

>>79603183
you have to write a letter explaining it was to remove poop. Also dont they know exactly what spell you do outside of school anyways so they must just ignore pooping

>>79603220
They said they never used that bathroom. If there was only one girl's bathroom, they wouldn't have bothered specifying where it was.

If wizards just shat wherever they were and vanished it until they got the idea of indoor plumbing from muggles, why did Dumbledore know what a chamber pot was? He was walking around one day in desperate need of a bathroom, couldn't find one, but instead of doing what wizards did for millennia he instead happened across the Room of Requirement and thought "I know, I'll just shit in one of these giant metal gravy boats." Absolutely disgusting man, that Dumbledore.

>>79603068
see
>>79602669

Some unpleasant implications with "relieved themselves where they stood". Why not just vanish the feces before you release it? Why is modesty not a concern? Did they just shit straight into their pants? Did this reliance on just vanishing their stool as it came out mean that they were incontinent? Or did they just enjoy the warmth of a long log mashing against their ass-cheeks?

Certainly infantile enough for the dullest franchise in cinematic history.

If you have a spell that can literally remove shit, why not remove it directly from your rectum

>>79603566
Then you would have a airless vacuum in your anus where your shit was and rupture your insides

>>79603566
Because taking a shit is satisfying?
Don't you free time in your day to have an undisturbed 10 minutes in which you can enjoy one of the most satisfying physiological phenomena of the human body? Because I know I do, and no amount of vanishing spells is ever going to make me quit.

BRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP

>>79603552
In the books, they don't wear pants. They wore closed robes and minimal underclothes, as seen when Snape was being embarrassed by James Potter. That's why you see things like wizards wearing dresses or bathing onesies when they try to dress like muggles.

It's the kino franchise that isn't for fedora autists so idc

>>79603646
>10 minutes
What the fuck? I think you need to reevaluate your diet, anon. Taking a shit should take you 2 minutes tops

so where does all the shit go? isn't there a rule that you cant just vanish stuff and everything has to go somewhere?

>>79602830

>needing investments when there's no inflation

good goy
stay greedy

>>79603220

1 bathroom in whole castle

wew

>>79602848
Twilight fans also tend to be less annoying about it when they find out you don't like twilight. Ive also noticed that they keep discussions about twilight among themselves. If you get more than two Harry Potter fans in a room the conversation inevitably becomes about Harry Potter even if the other people in the group don't know anything about it. But that's been my experience.

>>79603747
According to McGonagall, anything vanished goes EVERYWHERE. One person vanished a turd once, and now everyone is covered in shit.

>>79603747
That which becomes nothing becomes a part of everything. Each dump they drop is transferred into your soul.

>>79603739
2 minutes to get comfortable, get my reading equipment ready and then slowly let it "happen"? I think not anon, 10 minutes are required at least.

>>79603552

how do you vanish shit before you can perform magic?

>>79603794
Just ask them why nobody just shot Voldemort or how the Basilisk could kill and petrify people without leaving giant holes in walls from exiting the sewer-pipes. That will piss them off

>from this I can get plenty of r34 of Luna pissing herself

Future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

>>79602396
Welcome aboard friend

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>>79602795
>"removus me poopus"

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>be ron
>have broken wand
>shit pants during lunch
>try to deletus
>doesnt work
>have to get someone else to remove your shit

>>79601985
I don't know. The schools have bathrooms. a girl haunts the toilet. they do flush, they have piping and water

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>>79603001

>fetus deletus

>>79603789
>1 Bathroom in whole castle
>add in revolving staircases

No wonder they had poop spells

>>79603906
Ask your older sister to help

Do all the poops go to the same place? Is there a pile of wizard shit somewhere?

>>79602080

All the gold goes through the hands of Goblin mega kikes so Imagine it's very bad

>Be Dumbledore
>Be huge faggot
>magically transport all of your shits to Grindelwald's mouth and chest and masturbate furiously to the thought of him inhaling and tasting your leavings

What television and film is this?

>>79603566
Might accidentally vanish your lower digestive tract.

>>79602669

Why write this? Nobody would care and it just opens the series up to further mockery. What was the point?

>>79601985
Makes me want to consume all of Hermione's excrement and bodily fluids, especially poop.

>The reason Tom Riddle became Voldemort was because all the other students kept sending their poop to his room to bully him.

>>79604113
It all goes directly into fat pouches in Lena Dunham's thighs.

>>79604162
One of the dullest franchises in the history of movie franchises.

>>79602339
>The opening makes no remark of "the dullest franchise"
>Image not titled troll.jpg
If you are not going to put in the effort at least let someone else do it right.

>Be James Potter
>It's the night of the Yule Ball
>take Lily Evans' ass virginity
>finish up
>send the mixture of lube, jizz, and Lily's shit to Snape's dorm room
>Include a "Merry X-Mas, Faggot!" greeting card

>>79604768
James was a fucking alpha legend in his own time

>>79604768
The "Yule Ball" wasn't a regular thing, faggot. It was held once, as part of the Triwizard Tournament, which hadn't been held in hundreds of years.

She would just have been jingling his Christmas balls.

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>>79604768
devilish

>>79602830
Did the global wizardry economy implode after the world went off the gold standard?

I'd like to know how Salazar Slytherin invented indoor plumbing, 500 years before it came to the rest of Europe. In order for the Chamber of Secrets to be in a bathroom, it would have had to be built into the bathroom from the start. So, the sinks with running water etc were in Hogwarts 1000 years ago.

>>79603887
Only ten? Please. Twenty minutes is for us elite excrement vacating connoisseurs. A few tips for you peasantry lot.
You need to save up for a bit, maybe even a day's worth, keeping it nice and moist and warm within your long, rounding intestines.
As you prepare for the moment, set some light music and bring a book, because it will take a while. Some light reading, not too intense as to distract from the wreathing and muscular sensations of your bowels pushing your delicate feces outward.
Relax your muscles, as forcing it will only tighten the hold, making it unpleasant and longer than necessary.
Do not attempt to force the brown, mushious form out. Instead, lightly push it, almost letting it let itself out.
Always remember to wipe at the end. Nobody wants a mess for your afternoon plumping on your companion's tool of pleasure, either the primal bulging penis or the pointed arrow of domination called the strapon. With these tips you will be well on your way to joining us fine ordure gastronomes.

>>79604877
>calling someone a faggot for not having knowledge about the dullest franchise in history
wew lad

>>79604931
one of his descendants adapted it once plumbing came along. I'm not joking, someone from the gaunt family

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>you will never house a secret laboratory within Hogwarts with displays upon displays of vials and flasks of all of the young underaged female students' feces and piss

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>>79601985

>>79604877

Nobody cares about your fucking potter knowledge, loser.

>>79602623
>All wizards are poo in loos

Really makes you think

>>79602339
Wasn't that tier list created by some infamous troll? What was his name? I want to admire his other work

>>79601985
Nah only the 7 books are canon, and both the books in movies had toilet stalls, one of which was the secret entrance to the chamber of secrets.

Anything that came out later, like Dumbledore doesn't count.

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>>79602244
>“vanish me poopum”

>>79602746
Are we sure she isn't American putting on a British accent? She sounds fucking horrible.

>>79605389
>author says it is canon
>not canon
lolwat

>>79605428
Death of the author

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>>79603001

>>79605446
>I want to ignore whatever the author says when it doesn't line up with what I want to be true in the series and ignore any context or depth it may give to the work or it's world

>>79602339
But I liked huckleberry Finn.
>>79601985
Do you suppose that's where india got there designated shitting streets idea from. Wizard poo from the skies.

>>79601985
But the Chamber of Secrets revolves entirely around a secret entrance to a hidden chamber which is located in the girl's bathroom.

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>>79603001

>>79602287
>JK Rowling
>welfare
que

>>79605672
She was on government assistance before the first book came out

>>79602339
>mein kampf in god tier
Why do you try so hard to fit in, and somehow fail so miserably?

>>79605672
She was poor as shit when she was writing Philosphers Stone. I remember reading an article about how she fished diapers out of the trash for her kids

>>79602339
>Clifford for President not god-tier
Sad

>>79601985

Then why did Pajeet still shit in the street behind Hogwarts?

>>79605757
>Big red dog whose primary audience is children runs for president
>Yuge republican whose primary audience is manchildren wins the presidency
Really makes you think...

>>79604348
kek'd

>>79602669
>18th century

Sorry no, the fucking Romans 2000 years ago had toilets and knew not to shit their pants

There is no excuse for wizards crapping themselves up until 200 years ago

>>79605755
>I remember reading an article about how she fished diapers out of the trash for her kids

I'm 100% sure that that actually happened

>>79602244
Removus me poopus

>Mrs. Weasely, where is the loo?
>Why Harry, *stretches legs*.....in the wizarding world the loo is all around you! *mysteriously conjures a huge meal out of "thin air"*

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>>79603001

>>79602244
Thanks a lot for this post. It really made me laugh.

>>79602962
Kill yourself anon

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>>79603001

>>79606056
Do you feel a bit weird how you're most likely in your 20's but making jokes about people eating poo?

>>79601985
>never read the geek power fantasy books
>never saw the queer movies
Feels alright dude

>>79606680
>posts in thread about a franchise to inform everybody that they have not read/seen anything from the franchise
here's your (validation)

>>79602551
This extends well into their 30's

I think a shit vanishing spell would help peoples' relationships a lot.
Imagine if one of you had a scat fetish
>Yea baby, shit on my chest
>Eeew no! Thats disgusting!
>Nah baby, its cool, we got magic
>*ppbbbtttttt*
>Mmmm yea... elimanatus the scatus
>oh wow, its gone!

>>79607241
That doesn't really make any sense.

I remember the first time this fact was posted, that was a great thread. It was really funny. All the times since though are people trying to be funny but just saying weird stuff instead like "oh this means they could shit on each other's chests XD" and "they eat the poo!!"

>>79602428
>>79602483
>>79602516
>>79602840


WOW BETTER SHOW EVERYONE HOW OLD I AM IVE BEEN AROUND THE CHANS FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LOOK AT ME EVERYONE IVE SEEN THIS POST BEFORE IM AN OLDFAGGGGG HAHA NEWFAGS IM FUCKING OLD IVE BEEN AROUND FORVER FUCK NEWFAGS IM AN OLDFAG BEEN AROUND FOR THE WHOLE TIME SEEN IT EXPERIENCED IT ALL FUCK WHITE PEOPLE FUCK DRUMPF FUCK NON DIVERSITY ILL SLIT YOU BITCH ILL CUT YOUR THROAT NEWFAG JUST SO U KNOW IM AN OLD FAG!!!!! LOOK AT HOW NON-NEW I AM!!!

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>>79606056

>>79607901
underrated post

What else did you expect from a garbage series written by a hypocrite?

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>>79603001

>>79603035
>>79603055
>>79603223
>>79603273
>>79604044
>>79605497
>>79605597
>>79606083
>>79606169
>>79608444
it's not that funny

@79609009
not even worth a (you)

>>79607901
How embarrassing

>>79602551
who /hufflepuff/ here

-->79609009
woman detectus

>>79604931
Many castles around that time (1000 CE) had fountains with running water

>>79609071
>>79609704
>"fetus deletus" passed off as an original joke in every thread
>still gets a bunch of epic reaction image (you)'s as if nobody has ever heard it before
really makes you think

>>79602244
>some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum”

my fucking sides

>>79602412
Yes, but not only man-children, the female version. Buddy of mine's ex was 25 and posted Harry Potter shit constantly on facebook. I have the books, read them growing up, but there's nothing beyond them. You can't read into it like certain franchises, there isn't any world-building done competently enough to make it interesting like LOTR, it's literary garbage that was overhyped because it was pushed on our generation. Probably because mom couldn't understand the Hobbit until they made 3 colorful and unnecessary films.

>>79605365
It's either by or highly inspired by Quentin.

>>79607901
>>>/reddit/
>>>/gulag/

>>79605863
Their society progresses like molasses down a hill. They still have slavery and keep obviously magically equal species down; they treat centaurs like Americans treat indigenous peoples.

I think magic anus rings are more practical.Also they probably should be located like 5-10 cm deep to get rid of the pooping sound.For piss magic panties would be enough

>>79601985
Brad Neely's Wizard People is literally my only exposure to this shit, I can proudly say.

>>79609009
It is pretty funny. However, it has also been around since 2009 at least.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fetus%20deletus

>>79610575
>They still have slavery and keep obviously magically equal species down; they treat centaurs like Americans treat indigenous peoples.

They give them money and free scholarships out of guilt?

>>79602080
I like this meme.

>>79601985
Better than the elites at Versailles who had no way of vanishing the evidence.

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>>79602244

>tfw you accidently say "reverse" instead of "remove" and your poop magically shoots back up your ass

>>79601985
What about Moaning Mrytle?

>>79602244
10/10

>>79610774
>it's Hermione fucking herself with reverse pooping in the class episode

>>79602551
clearly, they should be thinking about things that really matter. Like which ninja turtle is their favorite.

>>79602669
DESIGNATED SHITTING SCHOOL

Now I imagining quidditch match with teleporting poop as a strategy to distract enemy team

>>79601985
why do they have to wait to shit it out

cant they just wand it away while its inside

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>>79602669
How can people defend this garbage when she just as awful as grrm burger

This is is without a doubt the dullest sanitation system in history.

>it's James Potter teleports all Hogwarts poop in the Snape's pants episode
That was one hell of a prank

>>79602244
Todd JingleJangles made me laugh

Why didn't Arthur Weasley just summoned bricks and shit to make a proper house, or even a mansion like Malfoy's?

>>79611310
>>it's James Potter teleports all Hogwarts poop in the Snape's mouth episode


he liked it

>>79607901
heh gotem

>>79602339
>brave new world
>low tier
are you retarded son?

>>79611398
Why even bother building shit when The Goblet of Fire and Fantastic Beats have shown that wizards can turn things like tents or suitcases into a portal to a pocket dimension that can be as big and varied as they wish.
Just buy some shitty cabin and use magic to put a pocket dimension inside big enough to house a hugeass mansion with a garden, a private beach and any other shit you might want. Then just get enough money to pay for some slaves.

>>79601985
And this is why Star Wars is superior.
At least Jedi don't crap themselves!

>>79602244
vanish me poopum made me laugh. thanks dude.

>>79611398
He did

>>79602396
N E W F A G

>>79607901
kill yourself retard

>>79602339
>"No!"
Every fucking time

>>79601985
I don't give a shit about anything after 2007. J.K. Rowling is a whore.

>>79614165
edgy

>>79614415
edgy

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>>79602669
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
I just looked something up. So, apparently the Ministry of Magic was created in 1707, and sometime during that century the wizards decided that not making their shit vanish was a good idea. One of the rules of the Ministry is that under aged wizards get in trouble for doing magic out of school. Modern water toilets didn't start to become commonplace until the last quarter of the 18th century to the late 19th century.
Am I to believe that there is a period of ~60-160 years where young wizards would get in trouble for vanishing the shit from their pants by the government? Did their parents have to follow them around and get rid f their shit at all times they weren't at school until they turned 18? Were there gangs of orphans who had to walk around with shit in their pants every holidays? The stupidity of this is blowing my mind

>>79614559
The "no magic till you are an adult" law wasn't implemented till 1875 so arguably they already had toilets by that point, though considering that the wizard society is centuries behind the muggle society, it's possible that they had to shit themselves till the late 20th century.

>>79614925
Do you think the super traditional wizard families still shit their pants?

>>79614995
Voldemort and his followers despised muggle inventions and choose to shit their pants as a symbol of wizard superiority.

>>79602697
Bro, I got Ravenclaw with like 1 precent difference with Slytherin. Fuck that shit. I was devestated. I'm a true blood Slytherin. My mind and heart were broken. I had to make up a mind cannon that in real life the sorting hat takes into account what you want, so I'd be telling it to put me in Slytherin, and it would work.

I aint no bitch ass nigga thats gonna be reppin that ugly blue scarf when I go to the wizarding world in Orlando.

Or am I going against the wishes of Rowling if I don't accept her Pottermore test? Oh man it still keeps me up at night.

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Really Makes Me Think

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>>79614559
Children just freely shit in the streets. There were adults paid to roam the streets and clean any messes they found.

>>79614559
Imagine your 17 year old self taking a massive shit in the garden and having to call your parents away from whatever they were doing to come and clean up after you.

>>79615384
>particularly Hufflepuff
No wonder they never do shit. They are all having a good time masturbating each other while the other fags are out there getting killed by evil wizards and magical monsters.

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>>79602669
DESIGNATED SHITTING SPELLS

>>79602371
>But they show toilets multiple times in the films.
>DUMBELDORE IS GAY
do you not see the connection?

>tfw wizards violate the first and second laws

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>>79602244

>vanish me poopum

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>>79603001

>>79614559
>implying the #1 assignment given to aurors wasn't to vanish fecal matter in the streets so muggles wouldn't step in wizard shit

>Wizards galavanting all around the world via teleportation and shitting themselves left and right

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>>79602551
>he thinks fangirls stop existing past the early twenties

I work with three girls at my job, one 24, one 26, the other in her mid 30s, and they all eat this shit up. They bring in Harry Potter shit to show off at work quite often. The two youngest ones even have real life wands.

>mfw I see this shit literally every other day

>>79616870
>The two youngest ones even have real life wands
They are trannies?

>>79616904
No they're movie replicas. One of them even lights up and can be used as your TV's remote control. I wouldn't be surprised if one of them had a wand shaped dildo they use while thinking of that betamale from the newest movie.

>>79602244
>vanish me poopum
Yeah, that's pretty good, but how bout Hocus Poopus?

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>>79602795
>removus me poopus

I can't fucking breathe.

do wizards have a spell to get rid of farts

asking for a friend

>>79603001
I remember Funnyjunk too

>>79615384

Wtf, why does she do this?

>>79617158

Why would somebody want to deny themselves the pleasure of such fragrance tho?

>>79617695
Because she lucked out with the Harry Potter franchise and realized that she won't write anything that succesful ever again so she tries to stay relevant by pandering to SJWs and making up stupid shit.

>>79617739
Or maybe it's because the tweets are fake. Your theory's cute though

>>79614559
>Take a shit in me trousers
>Have to call me mum over to vanish it

>>79617779
The "Dumbledore is gay" and "Hermione is black" shit isn't, though.

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>>79615384
Jesus Christ, Rowling.

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>>79603001
>>79603001
It requires a special wand.

>>79615036
>The supreme evil guy in Harry Potter probably shits himself daily
What did Rowling mean by this?

>>79615384
>Hogwarts is a literal circle jerk

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>>79617796
>wizard children used to get "good boy points" for not vanishing their shit in public
>this is the origin of the Hogwarts points system

>>79603410
You now realise that the reason why Dumbledore didn't just walk over to one of the toilets was because he's old as fuck and comes from a backwards pureblood family who hadn't adopted toilets when he was a kid. He's one of the old breed who still shits in a chamber pot before vanishing the shit instead of using a flushing toilet.

>>79617885
The founders of the Hogwarts houses actually had a conflict over wether mudbloods should clean the pureblood's shit or if the pureblood should just vanish it like everyone else.

>>79602551
No difference to believing in horoscopes and all that shit

>>79603747
At the time when wizards were disappearing poos people couldn't walk through London without the constant danger of being hit by someone throwing out a chamberpot of piss and shit out of a second-story window. So nobody really noticed when shit appeared out of nowhere to fall on the muggles. But when muggles starting using plumbing it suddenly became conspicuous, so the wizards had to stop doing it or face the danger of making the muggles aware of magic.

Also that's when muggleborns started to be less despised. Because up until then muggleborns had no idea how to vanish their shit when they started school, making them look dirty and disgusting when they could only empty their chamberpots out a window or ask someone else to vanish it for them.

>>79617797
She didn't come up with black Hermione, she just didn't challenge it. I mean, it's obvious that she didn't intend for the character to be black, but Rowling would've looked bad if she said 'hell no, she isn't a nigger.'

The Black Plague was caused by massive wizard shit getting vanished across Europe.

>>79617982
Fuck that, she was trying to pander to SJW to get some attention.
Why would she look bad if she said "I didn't imagine her as a black when I wrote her"? It's your own fucking character.

>>79604931
>>79605008
This.

It also explains how the giant snake was using "the plumbing" to move around. The wizards didn't build a toilet with plumbing big enough to fit the snake, they just adapted the snake-tunnels already there.

Are there muslim wizards?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1340222/Harry-Potter-actress-beaten-branded-prostitute-brother-dating-man-Muslim.html

>During the Wizarding Wars, whole battles were fought with opposing armies just teleporting feces into each others' colons.

>>79607735
Yeah the first thread was funny. Now it's just people reposting the funny bits from that thread and adding a whole bunch of retarded scat shit.

>>79618008
A little bit, sure. But it's not as though she woke up one day and said "I'm gonna make this character black now, so SJWs will give me attention!!"
Other people did it, and she just said she liked the idea.

>>79604282
>Nobody would care
People care about the important details like sanitation and taxation.

>>79611729
But that's what the Weasleys did... Did you not notice how their house was all disjointed and bigger on the inside? Their work just wasn't as good as whoever did the tent and they'd obviously made their house bigger over time rather than from scratch.

>Wizards not allowed to use magic until they are in Hogwarts, which starts at like age 11 or something like that
>Before that age all wizarding children just piss and shit all over the place, before asking an adult to assist them in vanishing their own excrement
>This is how Ron and Malfoy grew up

>>79617717
Storing a month's worth of farts in a pocket dimension that you can then dive into and soak it all in

Mmm yes quite pungent myself

>>79618156
>Voldemort turned evil because he was an orphan in a muggle orphanage and people thought he was crazy when he shitted his pants and asked them to vanish his poop

>>79618125
But the Weasley's house is poor as shit, you can literally create a hugeass forest inside of one of those things.

>>79617982
No dude, no one would have cared if she said "the character was intended to be white, sorry that I didn't think to include diversity quotas in my kiddie novel about wizards and shit when I wrote it in mid 90s, artistic license is a thing though so anyone wanting to adapt this shit is free to portray her however they want to it's on them to weather the fan backlash though if there is any, I literally don't care"

>>79618194
>Tom:"I can do things other kids can't"
>Dumbledore:"What kind of things?"
>Tom:"Things like this for example"*BRRRAAAAPP*
>*shits his trousers and sits on it while concentrating intensely until it vanishes*
>*flashes a smug smirk at the old man in front of whom he just shat his pants*

>>79618220
Only if you've got the skill. You really think Ron's dad has that kind of skill? He was bested by a fucking snake. Molly's obviously focused on learning cooking/cleaning spells, as well as fighting-spells in the Order days. So they've only been able to make fitful additions to the house as the family grew. Or it was some ancestor who did it and the spells are decaying or some shit.

Whichever twin it was that survived would definitely have a giant house, though. Because they were actually good at magic.

>>79618335
And they couldn't ask any of their way more talented friends to make a cool house for them?

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>>79618053
imagine the final battle for Hogwarts had been fought like that in the last movie

>>79602203
Chek my digits bro.

>>79618411
Damn.

>>79611610
Old pasta. The meme eventually changes slightly over time so the image may have a couple changes here and there. After several iterations you have slight, subtle trolling, if it wasn't initially there to begin with.

>>79618355
How do you think the wizard economy works, mate? Someone's good at those spells so he makes a bunch of bigger-on-the-inside tents and sells them to families like the Weasleys. Or they get paid to magic up a bigger house for some family. This gives them enough money to buy the things they can't magic themselves. The guy selling wands are really good at wand-making. The woman selling school-uniforms spent all her time getting really fucking good at magicking clothes. Probably learnt special clothiere spells in France.

It's like asking your architect friend to draw you up full blueprints of a house. Down-right rude, and requires you to have an architect friend to begin with.

Hold on can't students not perform any magic outside the confines of Hogwarts? So outside of term time they just walked around smelling like stale shit and piss?

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>>79602244
>vanish me poopum

>>79616870
Why aren't you nut deep in that nerdy pussy yet, friend?

>>79602623
Is that the vsauce guy?

>>79619048
>Implying he should

The only really "hardcore" harry potter fans I know are extremely ugly and/or fat girls. I'm not exaggerating.

>>79617739
I'm surprised she hasn't ordered any new books or movies or at least sold it to Disney so they could keep the series going.

>>79619152
Fuck it, pussy is pussy.

>>79619219
Then you don't need the skin around the pussy to be a fan of Harry Potter, do you? Any will do.

>>79619219
Thats a fucking lie and you know it. Stop trying to ruin anons life.

>>79604821
James Potter was such an alpha he cucked Snape into dying to protect Harry (not even his offspring) nearly two decades after his death.

Is Snape the biggest orbiter beta of all time?

>>79602339
I fucking swear I've read that last part from a review of the book. Are you that bereft of original thought?

>>79619261
This series was written by a woman, of course she's going to use a beta orbiter in her writing.

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>>79602551
why is it so popular among girls though? Two of the girls i hooked up with last season had that weird triangle with a stick or something through it, they both explained it and still don't remember what it's suppose to be.

I mean it's almost star trek core in it nerdiness so you would think it would attract the same pale, skinny male virgins

>>79619711
Probably the deathly hallows. The triangle is a flawless invisibility cape, the stick is the most powerful wand and the circle is a stone that lets you talk to dead people.

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>>79604768
Did this really happen? Holly shit, I will never understand this friendzone bullshit. i was rejected by a lot of girls in my teens and the last thing a would do is talk again to them after.

>>79619867
>a stone that lets you talk to dead people.
>harry just threw it on the forest floor because "lol it only brings pain if you try to bring back your loved ones instead of moving on"

Fuck your loved ones, you could talk to any dead wizard in history and learn history directly from them, or have them instruct you on forgotten spells. Same with the ghosts. Dozens of them whizzing about Hogwarts and Voldemort is shown as special because he actually talked with one of them to figure out her secret. Fucking Rowling, man.

>In fact Rowling was so dedicated to this piece of lore she intervened on set to convince a young Emma Watson whenever she needed to relieve herself to just do it naturally in her pants, she apparently told her "There's no poo in Hogwarts." To sell her. Many actors complained about an awful smell

>>79620002
It might actually be limited to loved ones. Either way those magical portraits could probably teach some shit beyond the grave.

>>79620098
I suppose it might be. An emotional connection being needed or something.

But I still wouldn't just throw it on the ground for any future school-kid to find. Magical artefacts always turn up. Just exercise some self-control and keep it safe in a vault.

>>79602244
God, I haven't laughed this much in a long time.

>>79618390
>half life 3 on the papers
fucking shadman

>>79619319
You've read it on here you dumb fuck

All worldly plagues are due to wizards casting their shit everywhere

>>79620393
No that's definitely not it. He's way too new for that.

>>79602244
>vanish me poopum

Imagine the kid is Indian an completely vanishes himself

>>79616132
Why is his art so fucking unappealing?

But do you think the spell would also remove the poop stains?

>>79620507
It's the degenerate soul shining through.

>>79603001
im fucking crying

>Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration is a law governing the magical world. There are five Principal Exceptions to Gamp's Law, one of which is food.
>Food cannot be created or destroyed, simply enlarged or transported from one place to another
>Wizards cannot destroy their shit and simply transport it to somewhere else. Presumably India.

>>79610202
>tfw know a qt chubby girl on Facejew with big ass titties.
>Considered asking her out.
>Posts HP shit constantly.
>Her 26th birthday party was Harry Potter themed.
Fucking noped the hell outta that one.

>>79605428
>>author says it is canon
>>not canon
>lolwat

>>79605504
>>I want to ignore whatever the author says when it doesn't line up with what I want to be true in the series and ignore any context or depth it may give to the work or it's world

That is actually how literature works, yes. The published works are canon and open to anyone's interpretation. The author's interpretation is no more valid than yours or mine. So no matter what JK Rowling writes, if your interpretation refutes her "additional" shit, that is completely fine.

>>79602551
i guess you can argue the four houses are linked to the four humours.
sanguine - gryffandor
pleghmetic - ravenclaw
melancholic - slytherin
choleric - hufflepuff

>>79620597
>Food cannot be created or destroyed, simply enlarged

How is enlarging food not creating more? Do you get a huge piece of fish that still only has the nutritional and energy value of its original size?

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>mfw all roasties get sorted in to Hufflepuff and get upset about it.

Why?
Gryffindor is for the brave and Mary Sue characters who are "daring".
Ravenclaw is for the smart and studious people.
Slytherin is for the "ebil" people, basically. Supposed to be "cunning" but Rowling is a hack.

Hufflepuff... Rowling couldn't think of anything and having three houses probably didn't seem like enough, so she just added in Hufflepuff. It's the generic house for generic turds who have no personality or hobbies and absolutely NOTHING to distinguish them from other plebs.

And roasties wonder why they get sorted in to it? Haha.

>>79602623
These vsauce edits make me LMAO like no other.

>>79617969
D E E P E S T L O R E

>>79620642
>did a four humours test for shits and giggles
>get melancholic

Guess I'm a snek now.

>>79620679
I couldn't tell you. It was probably just invented to make magic a pseudo-science

>>79602339
why is wuthering heights considered shit-tier?

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>Be a descendant of Salazar Slytherin.
>Spend your precious time and energy breaking in to Hogwarts to adapt the Chamber of Secrets in to a bathroom to try and make it look like Rowling isn't a fucking hack.

>>79618480
This doesn't make much sense, though, unless making a magic tent is some serious undertaking that takes weeks.

The way I imagine it, the wizarding world would work on a barter system that barely has any need for money. Your daughter can make a great apple pie? Trade that for a house, because they both require a similar time investment from the person casting the spell.

Harry Potter really falls down in that every single spell ever shown is instant. It's an absurdists vision of magic designed for children, where nothing takes any real time, either to learn or cast.

>>79620897
Because it's a troll list.

>>79620898
>breaking in to Hogwarts
They would have done it while they were a student.

>>79602623
>>"VANISFECALO"

Lost it.

>>79620928
>Being a 11-17 year old and having the time, patience, knowledge and ability to transform a room of Hogwarts entirely in to something else for absolutely no other reason but to defend the author's anachronism.

>>79614559
Chamber pots, dude. Some had a lid to sit on, like a modern toilets do, and a cover to trap the smell. For rich people, they had a shitting chair with a pot underneath and a servant to dispose of the content of the pot (probably a Dobby in the HP setting). There was also oudoor shitting cabins aka outhouses.

Students have trouble making a feather float, yet somehow can perfectly vanish all their excrement

>>79620903
That's not how barter systems work. It's not about time investment but the perceived value of the finished product. Some tribal fucker making nice-looking beaded necklaces that everybody wants would trade them for things that take much more work than his necklaces, as long as everybody else don't have his skill at making the beads to do it themselves. The guy who was great at knapping spearheads was king of the roost even though the actual hunters were the guys spending lots of time using them to get meat.

The guy who can go around making nice-looking additions to people's houses would have a way more valuable skill than making apple pies. You'd need to have an equally valuable skill to make the trade and that's only if he wants what you can do. Which is why they don't work on the barter system and instead go the money route.

As long as you assume that not every person can get good at using every spell but rather focus on getting great at a few spells it makes perfect sense. Some have an affinity for a more valued set of spells and so he makes money. Others are like the Weasley parents and wallow in poverty because they don't have any valuable spell knowledge outside of war/ministry-work.


What doesn't make sense is how people are portrayed as poor by having old worn clothing when Hermione could fix Harry's glasses before she even went to school.

>>79602623
>>girl in front squats on the floor
>>stream of piss hits my shoe
noice.

>>79605703
oh the fucking irony

>>79616870
My 74 yo grandma is still a Honey West fangirl. Being a fan never goes away for some people.

>Voldemorts desire for pure wizards wasn't about muggles, but rather about purity in the sense of cleanliness and personal hygiene
Slytherin had secretly been pooping in school toilets for years and were only waiting for the moment that Voldemort would return and save them from the pants pooping

>>79621168
The Ravenclaws were up in an airy tower.
The Gryffindors also had plenty of windows.
The Hufflepuffs were right next to the kitchen so had the smell of cooking.
The Slytherins were stuck in a dank dungeon with no ventilation, with muggleborns who hadn't been taught how to vanish their poop from a young age ineffectually trying to disappear their excrement but instead smearing it everywhere.

That's the real reason why that house started hating muggleborns. The outer houses could air the place out and forgive. The Slytherin dungeons still smell.

>>79620897
don't know

because it's "old"?

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>>79620898
>be a descendant of Slytherin
>find your way into the chamber
>adapt the chamber to fit the plumbing
>but never actually use the fucking Basilisk

The best way to explain Harry Potter is to assume whatever genetic anomaly gives magic also gives mental retardation.

>>79614439
Shut up spic

>>79621333
>implying the basilisk was even there to be a murder-tool like Voldemort ended up using it

Voldemort unleashed it to feel like a big man, because he was a muggleborn little shit desperate to make himself feel great. The rest of the Slytherin descendants didn't need that, they knew they were great. To them it was just the supercool secret clubhouse that only their forefathers and children could know about, with Salazar's pet being the mascot uniting them across the centuries. Every Gaunt parent told their kid how to find the chamber in case they wanted a quiet place to practice spells or jerk off in. Like the twins giving Harry that map that shows off the secret paths.

When they were putting in the bathrooms there was probably only like two mudbloods at the school anyway. Nothing to blow your basilisk load on.

>>79602287
>is on welfare
>goes on to become fantastically rich, tons of people employed making movies, running theme parks etc, gets a whole generation of disgusting children to read at least one book, gives a shitload of money to charity

This is not an argument about how terrible welfare is anon. It kind of proves how, for every scrounger on income support, there's a hard worker who'll put in twice what they took out once they're back on their feet. But rightfags, being selfish and short-sighted, just want to keep muh money because they lack imagination. They want to live in the Wild West, right up to the moment where they themselves need help.