Why has no one ever *seriously* attempted this? I think I could

Phoenix Jones
Do it, livestream it for your /tv/ bros

What, make a movie actually about Batman?

>>79504328
>grab horns
>shove my dick into his mouth

fuaarrrrr feels good

>>79504328
4chan needs you

What Roleplay as a Superhero? HBO had a whole documentary on the pathetic people that'd do that.

One guy hounded some drug dealers.

>>79504432
Funniest scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeXcU03rpoE

>>79504432
>>79504475
SERIOUSLY attempt
I taught myself Krav Maga I would actually be a threat.
Plus I would wear professional protection like riot police does. Hold up I'll look for a pic

>>79504475
Comic books, anime, and single mothers should be outlawed.

>>79504518
Hahahaha nice post +1 upboated :)
You didn't teach yourself shit, you cringing autist

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Something like this. Looks heroish too
It even has strenghtens fist so my punches would hurt extra hard.
I just need something silent to get to and from the crime scenes. I was thinking an e-bike but those aren't threatening

>>79504518
>I taught myself Krav Maga
>I taught myself
so you knew Krav Maga before knowing Krav Maga?

>>79504807
With the internet of course. But I took it very seriously. Plus I'd be wearing the suit anyway. Might even add a baton

>>79504835
You need guns, lots of guns.

Don't listen to the cynics and detractors ITT OP, fate is written by the brave. If you train hard enough and get good gear, you too can make a difference.

I don't have a small loan of billions of dollars to have secret military grade armor and gadgets delivered to my mansion

wtf do you think you'd be doing anyway? raid trap houses?

>>79504475
We gotta make a league of super villains and beat these beta faggots up

I'd imagine every white guy who ends up killing himself before 30 fantasizes about something like this at some point.

>>79504475
He said he was metaphorically speaking to protect his identity and his girlfriend's identity of course... right?

>>79504899
>billions
Suit, baton, a gun as >>79504875 recommended and a ride. Handcuffs ofc and maybe pepper spray or tear gas.
Couple thousands

>>79504927
Whatever I'm needed for. Fight crime. If I see a rape like in Spiderman I could intervene and beat them up for example

>>79505037
you could just like, join neighborhood watch or something

>>79505011
I'm talking about Batman's gear, not Joker's.

>>79505037
>rape like in spiderman
Whoa Raimi! I don't remember that from when I was a kid, which Spiderman was that in?

>>79505062
I don't want to just report stuff. I want to intervene. Not trying to bash them it's good for them but as I said I'm able and willing to do more

>>79505066
Well obviously I won't have armored tankhelicopter thingies like in TDKR but villains aren't real. For regular street thugs my gear would be sufficient

>>79504990
And why not do it? We all joke about those low effort guys but I mean seriously SERIOUSLY do it.

>>79505139
1. MJ gets threatened and Spiderman saves her and she gives him his first kiss
I love that scene it's online look it up

>>79505160
You should give money to the homeless and stuff like all the other real life superheroes, you cheap bastard

>>79505185
Oh yeah I remember that but I only remembered it as some guy trying to steal her purse, for some reason. They show Spiderman 2 and 3 on TV all the time but I haven't seen the first one since I was a kid.
Gotta watch this again.

>>79505206
Well... I can still do that. But everybody can. This is something only I could and would do.

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a superhero? but OP, it's so much more fun being evil!

>>79505160
>villains aren't real
Cuck

>>79505426
I'm not a cuck.

>>79505464
Yes you are, you claimed that villains aren't real.

It's a retarded idea. Do you just wander around a city looking for a crime to stop?

>>79505559
In time i imagine the local police commissioner and I will divide an alert system to get my attention.

>>79505533
Well I mean like Joker or Bane level. You don't need billion dollar gear for street thugs and I don't think anyone could beat me in gear

>>79505583
not me but interesting idea

>>79505559
Well you can google criminal hotspots. That's where I would start. Learn police code and such later

>>79504593
You could call yourself Batcrotch. Kek

Realistically, how many guys could a highly trained fighter take down on his own? As much as I love Batman, he's been in some pretty unrealistic situations and come out on top.

>>79505037
Just make sure she wasn't asking for it first

>>79505037
What country are you in? Memes aside beating up a rapist, especially a brown one, could get you thrown in prison.

>>79504835
what happens when someone pulls a gun on you?

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>spend all night trying to listen in on police radios to find trouble
>alternatively walk around the street stupidely waiting for a crime to happen
>police get there before you anyway
>get shoved away from crime scene or arrested

>>79505642
Kek. But I would want something more heroic. That will make my enemies tremble in fear. Monsterman or Berzerkman

>>79505659
Well I'd be wearing riot gear so it wouldn't matter. Plus pepper spray and stuff to get out of unwinnable situations

>>79505672
Not funny. Monsterman is not sexist.

>>79505709
America.

>>79505723
These suits withstand bullets (seriously they tested it you can look it up on youtube) but in general I would aim to knock them out before it gets dangerous.
I'm kind of torn but I can see the benefit in carrying a gun myself. But wouldn't this blow my identity?

>>79505725
You know nothing. Most violent crimes remain unresolved or get investigated only later on. I would make some real difference. Because I can patrol. I can see without being seen.

What happens when a pack of negros jump you and tear your riot gear off?

>>79505860
They can try
Take out the leader and the rest runs away. Like in Jack Reacher. Plus I could still pepper spray them. And you can't just *tear off* these suits. As long as I'm fighting back

>>79505909
Hows your fitness from a cardio standpoint? No point being an armoured tank if you run out of fuel.

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>>79505748
How about Batdick? That sounds pretty intimidating...

>>79505849
How would you reliably get away from crime scenes so you're not taken away for vigilantism?

>>79505944
Good. And still improving. Of course I wouldn't do this unprepared. As I said. I want to be the one guy who seriously commits to it.

>>79505954
Why does it have to be Bat-? I don't want to be seen as an imitator. I'm a real hero.

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>>79504355
>Phoenix Jones
http://fightstate.com/mutual-combat-law-in-washington-lets-two-people-have-a-consensual-streetfight-if-cops-referee/

Now I want to know who the other two are, so I can plot against them...

>>79505967
As I said above I haven't figured this one out yet
But police has like what 10 minutes from call to get to a crime scene. If I'd happen to witness a crime and immediately step in I'd be gone before someone dialed 911

>>79506017
The Shadow is a good, simple name.

>>79506067
Perfect. The Shadow.

>>79505160
>villains aren't real
Your presence would create them.

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>>79506067
My spanish identity as El Tongs must never be revealed, for the narcos who killed mi padre will surely come for my tongs.

>>79506067
>>79506099
ishygddt

>>79506118
Hmm you're right. I need to be prepared

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>>79506067
>>79506099

>>79506017
Because Batman is the only good superhero out there. And he's not even real. That was the whole point of the thread: why hasn't anyone become Batman? But you've proven that obviously you're not worthy to take on the Bat mantle. If you were, at most you could call yourself Batpussy, now. Faggot. Have fun with your hocky pads or hocky pants I can't really tell what they are but fuck off anyway. That is all.

Isn't the biggest challenge the fact that you don't know where the crimes are happening?

Take a walk down your city at night. How often do you run into a crime in progress?

>>79506147
You spelled nachos wrong

>>79506235
Because being Batman requires a lot of money, and rich people wouldn't live where lots of crime takes place. Now if Civil War 2 starts as predicted, then yeah, you'll have lots of opportunities to be Batman.

>>79506279
Maybe he lives in Detroit or Chicago.

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>>79506213
>Jae Lee

My nigga

>>79506329
In which case he'd be shot trying to do anything. Remember those videos of those street niggas running over and shooting clowns? I'd be just like that.

>>79506478
I would wear gear

>>79506528
They shoot you, you fall over, they run up and shoot you again.

You're fucked, m8

>>79506625
I wouldn't fall. And I'd fight back.
But I guess you make a strong case for carrying as a last resort

>>79506478
>Remember those videos of those street niggas running over and shooting clowns?
No. No I don't.

>>79506873
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZquy-Q5DiY

>>79506660
Even if a bullet gets stopped by your clothes it will feel like you got hit by a truck you'll probably break a rib. And the police can be faster than you think. I think your best route would be to investigate cases the police have given up on then sometimes there's at least reward money involved and you'd actually be able to help people instead of cause trouble and get killed

>>79506992
>implying OP is smart enough to solve crimes

OP seems like a massive turbo autist, its amazing that some people are so out of touch with reality that they dont realise people around them think theyre a joke

I would tell you to kill yourself OP but it seems that is already your plan

>>79507245
He should just go patrol the mountains and look for dead bodies

>>79504522
Pretty much this

>>79504328

How would we know the guys you're beating up are criminals? Cops are accountable for their actions. What's stopping you from beating up literally anyone and just dropping a baggy of weed on their crippled unconscious bodies?

>>79507451
man OP is having a good old laugh at you I bet

>>79504432
History channel also did a documentary and it was very pathetic. One of the guys who I remember looked like he got lost from a Pride parade and he helped old ladies cross the street

>>79504518

>Seriously attempt

You would be dead within the week you fucking moron. No matter how much martial arts you learn or how physically fit you are you cannot go out every night and fight multiple groups of hardened criminals hand to hand.Batman can only do this because he's the top 1% of physical perfection, a super genius and the richest man in the world with access to bleeding edge technology

Anybody who says they like Batman because he's the "most realistic" is an idiot

>>79506936

Faggots fucking deserved it

>>79508103
To commandeer your post, OP will also get arrested for vigilantism as well as the many crimes he also committed (assault, stalking, attempted murder, B&E, etc) and be thrown in prison with none of his "super bullet proof gear" with a bunch of hardened gang members who will rape his boipucci every night for years

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>>79504328
Wouldn't be as perfect as a written movie. Things don't line up perfectly in real life like they do in the movie. Someone who wants you really dead would just kill you instead of monologuing and playing cat-and-mouth. The police would track you easily if they felt the need to. etc...

>>79506041
he legit beat the fuck out of somebody on the street. Dude is the real deal. He's been training in MMA for years and has several professional fights.

That's at least the bare minimum of what you would need.

>>79504328
Because to be a competent superhero you'd need a hell of commitment (many years in training and mastering martial arts, body building, etc.) and have affluent income to afford such a lifestyle. Even then, I doubt you could your hands on the military-grade equipment necessary.

So unless you're the heir to a private military company like Nolan Wayne, it's not happening.

>>79508103
batman is literally the equivalent to a Jon Jones or prime Anderson Silva. He would beat peoples asses. But the reality of the situation is, a group of guys can corner you and fucking kill you. Even if you're Jon Jones.

>>79508331

Cat and Mouse anon. Cat and Mouse

>>79506936
fake and gay

>>79504328
You could do it. Just stick to beating up junkies and shit in crappy low socio-economic areas so you wouldn't get reported to the cops.