have any of you ever done stand up?

Half of /tv/ probably has a hard time standing up

no, but id like to try it sometime. I have a few jokes. Id never want to do it as a living tho

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>>79502350
I did a brief standup routine in an elementary school talent show. I wore a really long baseball shirt and a tie thrown over my shoulder. I had a few silly knock knock jokes, and then my ringer.

Understand this was in like 2004 and I got a huge laugh and applause for the following joke:

>Once, a man was reading the newspaper when his three daughters walked up to him.
>"Daddy" the first said "Why did you name me Rose?"
>"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born."
>"Daddy" the second said "Why did you name me tulip?"
>"why, because a tulip fell on your head when you were born :) "
>the third daughter said
>"AHUUUURHJAHDUR"
>and the father said "Shut up, Fridge."

>>79502550
>CeeLo Green picture
Keep /mu/ shit on /mu/

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Did a few sets at an improv at university.
The audience liked me because I mostly talked about college life and how horrible our drama/RTF departments were.
The presenters didn't like me because I wasn't a drama/RTF major and shitted all over them.

In retrospect, I should have seen the end coming and gone out with "Look he's a NIGGER"

>>79502350
i really want to, i keep a moleskine notebook in which i usually write anything that i find funny in addition to other things. looking at open mics around me, but that's about as far as i get. i'm just to self conscious/critical and too scared of bombing, though most comedians start that way.

>>79502895
Try recording a podcast. Just selftalk and then edit down the dead air.

>>79502350
One time I came up with a bit that I thought was pretty funny. I worked it into a skit that me and some friends were coming up with. When we performed it nobody laughed. I don't know if it was my delivery or just the wrong audience. I do still think it was funny.

>>79502895
same

how much material do you have to have for an open mic set? like how many jokes or how many minutes?

>>79502919
might try that.

>>79502350
ive always wanted to do it. I just want to go up and do improv. Just joke about whatever is on my mind. One day I shall do it...

>>79502550
thats not how it goes, the last kid is supposed to say those are dumb names, then his sisters go shutup cinderblock

>>79503996
same i just want to talk about all the stupid people i encounter in the world and let all the hate inside me be used for something good

yea, I do it a lot. Im ok at it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCFgja50dos

>>79502396
Heh. You're a funny guy. You should do standup.

I had a bit about JFK dying from stress

>>79504610
is that really you? that was pretty good

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>>79504749

Yea, that's me. Ive been in some contests, been featured on funny or die, but still trying to make traction and get somewhere further. I think Im as good, if not better than lots of people who appear on talk shows, but Im not in LA doing that circuit.

>>79505645
I'm interested in getting into standup. Show me how you do it and I promise that I'll run away with you.

>>79504610
eh

>>79505645
would suck off

>>79505706

Drive to open mics, go to shows, find out what your local scene is like. I live in the bay area, which is probably like.. .the 6th or 5th best place in the world to do stand up. If you're not in NY, LA, Chicago, london ect. like a major city you have to drive really far. Though I often have to drive over an hour or close to two hours for a gig. Think of jokes and run your routine in the car. Get a friend, get a buddy to drive with, its a lot of driving, it's boring. Start an open mic, start a show. Lose money to pay to have GOOD comics at a show.

I mean, I could go on and on, but, Im like on the fucking Z list as far as celebrity goes, Im struggling to be there.

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I did. It was a fucking disaster.

>decide i'm gonna do a neil hamburger meta-type thing
>gonna make fun of christian comedians
>plan out this elaborate identity and routine
>i'll be a ventriloquist
>clad entirely in denim
>even grew out a starter mullet
>and my christian dummy will slowly become possessed by satan during the routine
>"hi everybody i'm pastor johnny johannsen"
>"let's open with a prayer"
>"that all these underdressed whores here will learn some humility"
>nobody really seems to "get it"
>it's winona, minnesota; IQ: about room temperature
>maybe if this were brooklyn
>but it probably would've bombed there, too

By the time I got to the part where the dummy's head started spinning around like Linda Blair, I was getting hauled off the stage by security and people were threatening to kill me. I transferred from Winona State to UW to escape the humiliation.

Jesus fucking Christ, I don't know why I thought that was a good idea.

>>79505645
I left you some demerits and insulting comments, you queer.

>>79506071

This honestly a good premise a bit that could work if you kept at it. It IS A good idea, just needs tweaking and editing and getting to the point faster and also a show that lets you do it.

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>>79506071
holy fuck man

>>79504024
No, the original is better

>>79506071
Legit hilarious