Is Alan Davies the greatest character in television history?

>European
>shotgun under bed

>be me, St Patrick's day several years back, out with 3 friends- 2 girls and a guy
>late night, a little drunk but not sloppy
>guy walks past and starts to say something
>I tell him to fuck off
>he immediately bashes me in the back of the head, i drop to my knees
>i see him hit my friend as well, he goes down in an instant
>the girls start screaming
>i climb back up off the ground, get a look at this dipshit
>He's about my size but a bit more jacked up than I am, he's moving around us in circles really fast, and takes his shirt off
>we're both talking shit
>I notice he's wearing army tags
>fuck
>Can my crazy handle his potential skills of violence and speed? Plus I can't afford to get in trouble, or killed
>He keeps hit and running, coming in for a quick blow then bouncing back and running around. He grabs at one of the girls
>I jump at his legs and tackle him to the ground, then smash his head against the sidewalk to get him to stop from getting back up for a second.
>call 911
>Guy is starting to get back up, real slow
>I sound panicked and vulnerable on the phone
>say this guy is attacking us, he's coming back. OH GOD! TRACE THE CALL, TRACE THE CALL!
>every time i yell on the phone I kick this faggot in the face
>The cops show up and we're sitting on him. Since my friend and i have a little bit of blood and my girl's shirt is ripped and we're on the phone with 911 they take a statement and ask if we want to press charges.
>guy gets picked up in ambulance, I never see or hear about it again
>i smile every time i think about kicking that dipshit's face

>be me upset that i spent all this time typing out this story and the "times your life was like a movie" thread somehow becomes archived in 15 minutes, post it here instead

>>79443204

>Europe is noguns

you must be an american

>>79443318
Most of it yes.
Especially bongland doesn't even allow you to have knives.

>>79443236

Why did you post this, anon? This is shitposting, you just shatpost.

>>79443337

No, that is incorrect.

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>>79443144
>windows phone

EVERY FUCKING TIME

>>79443361
Okay but all swedes and germans are into cuckolding and all the french are muslims?

>>79443204
its alan davies so its probably a toy he bought from woolworths

>>79443398

No, some of the Swedes and Germans are also Muslims.

>>79443464
See now I feel like you are just a brit who only confirms everything about the other europeans you don't like but you deny the obvious truths about you bad toothed ugly motherfuckers who are not even allowed to have a knive and are under sharia law.

I knew everything was right.

>>79443517

I'm not British.

I'm European.

I have a gun.

I have a license for it.

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I have no idea what this thread is supposed to be about, but seeing Alan Davies reminds me I've been rewatching Jonathan Creek and wish he would do another full series.

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>>79443588

>>79443576
Who gives a fuck
All europeans are clearly cucks
I mean the germans rule over you and you just confirmed they are all cucks or muslims

Take that gun and shoot yourself.

>>79443658

How about I shoot my sperm in your ass you bottom bitch

>>79443742
Europe is the bottom
You are literally the descendant of all the faggots who were too afraid to check out a new continent.

I know you can't do anything with that gun.

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>when your thread goes to shit so you wait to see if anyone gets dubs so you can repurpose it as a dubs thread

>>79443928
You're welcome

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>be Alan Davies
>second fiddle to some drug addled bipolar pedophile who everyone thinks is smart because he reads off a teleprompter in a posh accent
>earnestly try to answer questions
>provide fresh new content for the show
>punching bag for all guests
>constantly tell stories about your sons trip to Italy and how you volunteered your time in an attempt to humanise yourself
>to no avail
>Stephen Fry whinges about his fabulous life constantly and everyone sympathises with him and applauds his bravery
>no sympathy for Alan Davies
>no love for Alan Davies
>no time for Alan Davies
>mfw