ITT: thins you've experienced that only happen in the movies

>>79423266
Don't forget to check for transponders.

>Be like 5-6 years old
>Accidently step on a toy car as big as my foot
>The car glides accross the room with me on top like some kind of cartoon until I drive into the side of my brothers bed and hits my knee

>late at night, coming home from a party
>standing at a subway station, waiting on a friend
>three people come up out of the subway station, a man, a woman and a little kid
>woman is bleeding from her lip and crying
>kid looks deflated
>father is walking ahead angrily
>I look at him
>he tells me: "Look again and I'll break your fucking neck"
>they walk on

I will never fucking forget that

>>79423266
Silly anon, he was just making a new geocaching location!

>>79423266
In kindergarten I fucked up a bully twice my size by pulling away the rug he was standing on. I had seen that in a movie. Works like a charm, can recommend.

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>Walking down a street in the city near where I live
>Parallel parked cars everywhere
>Suddenly some guy jumps off the building above and crushes the roof of a parked SUV with his body

I always thought you'd just bounce off but apparently you'll actually crush it like in the movies, the car alarm didn't go off though which I thought was weird

>Mid-90s on Stockholm square called "plattan"
>Some guy pulls out a sawed-off shotgun and shoots another guy right in the chest and just casually walks off

He got caught later on and apparently the other guy survived.

>Riding a ferry after lunch back home as a kid
>See this old guy dressed really well get up and go sit next to some random guy sitting alone
>Old guy hands him an envelope, the younger guy slightly opens it and flicks through, fuckloads of $50s and $100s, I can't try to calculate it but it was THICCC
>Old guy walks away
>Ferry docks
>Watch the young guy with the envelope fucking powerwalk into the city

End scene

It was strange

>>79424134
Those females are the worst. Why are you with someone that beats you? Fucking hell...

>>79424111
Please be real

>>79423266
>be loser
>get invited to a party
>show up, turns out it was a joke
>i wasn't invited, someone just sent an invitation to me as a joke
>girl gets upset that i just arrived without being invited
>walk home in shame
felt like i was in one of those teenage high school movies, someone pulling a prank

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found one of those usb sticks stuck in a wall a few years ago. decided to copy the content onto my old latop. it was just a txt file, which said BOO.

Saw a hot head drug dealing friend shoot another friend in the foot as a joke because he was high and drunk his head off on new years eve, was literally some Joe pesci type shit. Had to rush the other guy to the er he lost a toe

>>79424760
Usually the abuser threatens to beat them more or kill them if they leave. That and what is most likely years of mental abuse.

>>79424760
Why beat someone you're with? Fucking hell...

>>79423266
>>79424320

>anons' encounters with drug dealing

>>79424760
t. Stefan Molyneux
>It's the womens fault she's being beating and if she stays with him she's only enabling him further

>>79426304

Should've at least took a giant shit on her doorstep

>>79426609
doing little to nothing about it certainly doesn't help.

I once explained something really technical about computers to my grandmother and she literally said "in english, please". Made me feel like i was a scientist in an 80s movie. Gave me a little chuckle.

I successfully used something I learned in the first Ninja Turtles movies in elementary school when an older and stronger kid tried to attack me. When he charged me, I took a side-step and tripped his leg like Splinter does to Shredder at the rooftop. Worked like a charm and the dude hurt himself more than I expected.

10/10 threads guya

>>79424760
Honestly though, imagine what a huge butch you'd have to be to make a guy beat you. She must question and doubt every decision he makes. You could tell from his story that the guy totally resented hitting her, and in front of a kid no less.

Made my ex orgasm by whispering lewd stuff into her ear

Can't brag about it to my mates because that sounds like the kind of impossible stuff you see in 50 shades of grey or whatever

>>79426787

Congrats, you used aikido, or should I say kidkido?

>>79426532
Because you're a psychopath and not fit to make decisions in polite society.
Are you comparing the woman to that?

>couple of years ago
>spent the summer on the beach with my friends
>I lay on my back and enjoy the sun
>two girls and a boy run in front of me towards the sea
>I can only see their backs
>somehow I think of my childhood crush that I haven't seen for a decade
>I remember how she told me that she spends her summer holiday's on this beach
>stand up to check out, if it's really her
>unfortunately she was out of sight (the beach was crowded as fuck)
>look for her on the beach and the sea
>wonder whether I'm hallucinating
>forget about it and go for a swim

A couple of months later I stumbled across her instagram account where I found out that she really visited the beach with her bf on that day

2spoopy5me

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>be kid
>get in fight with other guy on baseball field
>typical kid shit, grabbing eachother's shirt and kicking n shit
>no one really getting hurt
>other kid runs over with aluminum bat and domes the guy I was fighting
>knocks him out cold
>parents come over screaming and he's taken away by adults
>I started the fight but don't get in any trouble because batter is catching all the heat

>>79427393
did he die?
seriously, aluminum bats are no joke

>two days ago
>think about my pc getting old and how it probably doesn't have much time left
>ten minutes later get a blue screen shutdown
>hasn't happened in more than a year
>later watch tv show and correctly predict the next line a character's gonna say a couple of times without actively trying to do so
>just kind of popped up into my mind

That's how I discovered I had useless superpowers

>>79423266
You taking the package, selling it and having to kill an entire mafia family is what happens in the movies.

>>79424134
What a fucking psycho.

That is probably one of those get involved type of situation.
May as well keep staring at him and shoot him if he attacks you.

The kid is better off without him.

>>79427393

Negan?

>>79423266
It's heroin

>>79427542
Why would you get involved if the dumb cunt wants to stay with him and get abused thats her problem.

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>be at some fuck up artist party with lots of druggie artists
>be high as shit on ketamin
>some regular fuck up guy hoolers at some randon girl "Give me a BJ you whore and i give you some coke"
>Girl waddles over to him, she is high af
>opens his pants
>smiles at him
>suddenly takes a ripped cola can she was hiding in her hand and cuts the head of the guys dick off
>blood erupts, guys squeals like a pig
>three guys carry him away
>me and my friends look at each other stunned if this is reality
>proceed to take another key of keta
>never see the guy again
>mfw

>>79427461
No he was concussed
The other dude wasn't allowed to play there for a couple months

>>79427607
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT

>>79427595
/pol/yp spotted

>>79423266
Got off the train and looked for my gf at the time who was supposed to meet me at the platform.
Looked to the right, left, right again nowhere to be seen. Suddenly she appears right in front of me and runs toward me in slow-motion.

>>79427607
Why did she do that?

>>79427712
i have no idea, but as i remember correctly she even started sucking him off and then out of nowhere cuts him. and it's not like i live in the projects. some regular upper white arty basshead party. me and my friends we swore to never talk about it again.

>>79423266
>see hot girl in club
>make eye contact
>less than 5mins later we are banging on the beach outside.

>>79427607
what the fuck

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>>79427607
What the fug

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>>79423266
D R O P P E D
R
O
P
P
E
D

>be me
>get drunk with two friends
>go to play starcraft at a club
>we interrupt our game because one of them received a phone call from some guy
>go to his car, pick the guy up
>my friends threaten him and slap him around
>they take him out of the car and slap him some more
>he tries to run away but I trip him
>he fall down on his chin
>they kick him, take all his money and tell him to get the rest
>they leave him there
>I still don't know what that was about

They won't talk about it either.

>>79424134
this makes me angry

not that these animals do that to these girls but that fake males like you dont do anything

if that would be me I would say something like: hey sir, hold it right there and then intimidate him and say if you touch her again imma do somethign bad!

>Found a mouse in my bathtub as a kid
>Dad help me get rid of it by luring it into an empty cereal box
>Decide to release it out on our street
>He tells me the mouse is going to have a good life
>Literally the second we released it, a hawk comes down and snatches it

>>79426304
is that shit for real? kek

>>79427493
i have this shit all the time

movies and series are fucking predictable if you watch them in the first place

>>79428234
If it was me I'd go "mmmmhm...be very careful now"

>>79426304
That blows, anon. I was such a loser/loner in high school that no one even invited me to things.

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>>79427607
Nigger wtf

>>79428284
me 2 i would play chicken with im

>Walking to get something to eat during lunch break at work
>Waiting at an intersection to cross
>Hear someone shouting "FUCK YOU BRO I'LL FUCK YOU UP BRO"
>It's a guy on a bike swinging his bike lock above his head yelling at some car ahead of him
>Car gets to the intersection and must stop, then the guy on the bike catches up
>Guy gets off his bike, still swinging his huge lock and screaming at the top of his lungs
>As he approaches the passenger side door, the driver starts rummaging in the glove box for something
>The biker reaches the door, but the driver is pointing a gun right at him
>Dude immediately drops the lock and runs away yelling; doesn't even go back for his bike
>Driver calmly puts away his gun and stares ahead like nothing happened

Los Angeles is a magical city

>>79426350
AAAAAAAAHHHH

>>79426350
Why would you download that? Who knows what sort of malicious program could have been on there?

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today I confronted a black guy, obviously a drug dealer for blocking the sidewalk with his car.

this life is not fun

>>79428376
Get a random old junk laptop and try it on there. Alternatively google how to safely test stuff like this without frying your hardware.

>be 20
>working shitty job at coffee shop while at college
>one regular customer is tall creepy looking dude with shaved head, tattoos all over
>would always give me shit for being lazy (I was), would always act rude to me
>one day freaked the fuck out at me, ranting and raving, everyone in line behind him nervous
>suddenly he gets all quiet
>"I'm sorry for swearing"
>pays for his drink and leaves
>next time he comes in he has a blue parrot on his shoulder
>"his name is Smurf... Bad Ass Smurf"
>from that moment on we're friends

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>>79427607
holy shit

>>79428237
A Coen Bros production

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>>79427607

>be 16 frenchfag visiting England
>in Newcastle one afternoon
>see a guy yelling at his wife/girlfriend in the middle of a crowded street
>"go on, call the cops and I'm gonna fucking kill you"
>360 and walk away

First time I ever went to England too

>>79426304
just a prank bro

>walking down high street
>phone box is ringing
>who calls a phone box?
>hesitate, then go and pick it up
>expect to be given secret spy instructions
>it's a PPI cold caller

britfags will understand
it sounds too cliche to be true

>>79423266
>getting carls jr with a friend
>park up on the side of the road across from the joint
>theres a car parked infront of us
>driver leans his hand outside the window
>drops a paper bag from carls jr outside on the road
>"damn what a littering cunt"
>drives off, we're still eating our food in our car
>30 seconds later another car comes in from behind us
>guy gets out, picks up the paper bag
>drives off in another direction

was pretty cool

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>about to walk out of grocery store
>bunch of people get in
>one of them is my highschool crush I haven't seen in years
>accidentally smile at her
>our eyes lock and she smiles back
>her smile is so sweet my knees start shaking
>walk out
>get in car
>drive home
>never see her again

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>>79423266
>>79428059
D R O P P E D

>>79424760
Those females are the best. They have loyalty to you/family and aren't going to destroy the life you've made together over a fight
Things happen sometimes, it's never perfect

I think ppl like you are what's doing away with the concept of marriage and a complete family. You perpetuate the downward spiral of modern male/female relations.

Don't opinionate on these things, many people are dumb enough to actually listen to you and loudly spread your stupid ideas.

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>talking to gramma bout politics
>get to mexican immigrant issue
>she describes how one of her best friends a couple of years ago had a very strange thing happen
>three or four years ago mexicans started flooding my town, to the point where they're like 40% of the pop
>gramma describes her friend's situation
>she was sitting out on her porch watching the river between her house and local store
>a semi truck pulls into the parking lot at like 8 at night
>opens up and some forty odd-mexicans get out and are herded into different vehicles

>>79428586
>Newcastle

Stopped reading right there. Newcastle would never happen in a movie.

>>79428234
with women like that, often even if you do intervene in something like that, they will often side with the abuser when the cops come, sometimes even testifying against you in court.

>>79427493
I used to be able to predict which episode of the Simpsons would come on next just by thinking of a random quote. Then as if by magic, that exact episode came on.

>>79428868
I knew a guy who jumped in to defend m'lady in an instance like this. She stabbed him to death from behind

>>79427607
>>suddenly takes a ripped cola can she was hiding in her hand and cuts the head of the guys dick off

Fincher or Mann need to get on this

>>79428940
psshhh

nothin' personal...

>>79428234
Then he pulls out his switchblade, cuts your throat, and continues to beat the lady who chose to be with him.

>>79428774
My mother had the same problem in which she did fucking nothing and sobbed all of here life. She was a pathetic alcoholic and made my childhood terrible, including my father that was a piece of shit with whom I'd oftenly fight. Fuck you, and those alike.

>>79429059
I believe both of your parents were losers and they had no one else but themselves. They knew they were incompatible with anyone else so they stuck together. Both shitty people and you can't compare two assholes being together with 100% of all relationships.

I think you still see them through the eyes of a child, grow the fuck up

>>79429291
heavy projecting right there m8

>walking home whilst on a holiday in germany
>4 arab guys walk past me, one bangs shoulders against mine as he pretended to play football with an invisible football, but i continue walking
>out of nowhere I reach back and grab his wrist and he has my phone in his hand
>he drops it and I catch it
>he sprints off, his friends allready scattered

>>79428237
lmfao, i hope this is real

>>79429408
did you apologize?

>>79429315
What did you want me to say? Did you want me to sugarcoat things and say I believe in a blanket zero tolerance policy

Nope. These things happen and you can't subjugate the whole by the actions of the exception. That'll force everyone down to the level of the extremely dysfunctional

I experienced a faded transition as I went home from school once

>>79423266
>>be me
Fuck off and die.

>>79428059
Delete this

>>79429009
>Then he says "heh, Nothing personal Kid."

>>79429408
My cousin told me that Spanish kids did the same thing to him in Barcelona. When he told them he was British they started naming random footballers and imitated kicking a ball

>>79428059
WHAT THE
FUCK
F
U
C
K

>>79429291
i'm not the original poster but you seem to be quite pessimistic. you alright dude?

>>79429999
>>79430000
My god checked

>>79430000

Check'd

>>79428774

Its not really a fight if you punch a woman in the face.

That's just physical abuse.

Things like that don't happen in normal families.

Its the aggressor here who is not loyal to his family and is actively destroying their life.

>>79429291
My father wasn't, he had a successful military job, fought for Croatia during it's Homeland war and got 3 medals there, and also did 2 tours in Afghanistan. My mother on the other hand never went to college and became a housewife, got a job in some supermarket and married my father mostly for the money. As years went by, the fought more and more, both threw punches at each other and my mother quickly took refuge in alcohol while the only thing my father could ever do is to sob every night about how he didn't deserve this and all that jazz. I grew up with it, never had doors on my room and never truly had piece of mind. My parents also didn't get along with theirs, so I never had a grandma/grandpa and a cool uncle. My parents never helped me with my homework, school nor with life in general, they treated me like shit, often said I should die and that I'm a bastard, which only made me focus more on the school. After high school I found one and left without turning back, now I'm living in a small flat, less depressed and study what I love, history. Again, fuck you and those alike. Why should the victims do fucking nothing and only let their children suffer more? Is the only thing they can do sob over how pathetic they are with each new day while doing nothing to stop their suffering? That's just retarded.

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>>79429730
Kys

>>79429999
they asked me where im from and when I said Ireland they started saying 'ireland yes yes, euro 2012 ireland' when he imitated the ball, even though ireland didnt qualify, thats when I reached back and caught my phone.

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>>79426674
Not the guy you replied to, but whenever I'm at a woman's house for the first time I like to do something awkward. It doesn't need to be a date. Just if I somehow end up at the house of a friend's friend or otherwise find myself in the house of a woman I don't know very well I do something really awkward, like for example asking to use the bathroom and then take a giant, inhuman shit for 30 minutes.

If a woman is still nice to me after I -- to her practically a stranger -- defiled her toilet or made some strange, awkward jokes or started dancing weird, or whatever, I know that that woman is into me. It might sound oddly specific, but it makes my life a whole lot easier.

My past few relationships all started this way.

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>story from my mother, she is from Sweden
>two decades ago
>she had visited a friend's apartment downtown Stockholm
>around midnight
>riding down the elevator
>the elevator stops after one floor
>door opens
>in steps an older man, around 50 years
>reeks of tobacco, booze and sex
>my mom recognizes him but keeps quiet
>they ride the elevator in silence
>right before reaching the bottom floor he says, without looking at her
>"..I am not here..."
>door opens, he staggers off, walks out the door and into a fancy car, drives off into the night
>her face when she just met the King of

>>79430362
*sweden
fuck

>>79424320
Reminds me of when the wife and I (her son wasn't with us) were driving on the freeway through Phoenix, AZ and in front of us a van pulled up next to a motorcycle and a package was exchange between the two of them.

>>79428234
>>79424760
t. whiteknights

>>79427283
What did you say?

I bartend and manage a coffeeshop. Most things you can imagine in these settings have happened.

>>79427283
>A girl lied to me

Wow, just like the movies

>take part in a voodoo ceremony in the deep jungle of Benin
>witness a priest smack the shit out of a "possessed" woman
>she apparently gets cured somehow

>>79430702
>cuck
???

>Walking along a lonely road near midnight
>No one in sight
>Come across a bum walking around with raggedy clothes and pulling a rusty cart
>Feel bad and give him the spare change I have in my pocket
>He places the coins in his mouth and says "thanks, boss. You got my vote"
>Leaves the opposite way
>When I look back just a few seconds later he's nowhere to be seen

>>79428821
They like to carpool when they go to work, which can be anywhere from 40 minutes to an hour away from where they live. Rather than have everyone drive to the same field, they all pack into one car/van.
t. Mexican that has done field work

>>79430767
twas thine guardian bum testing the nature of your character.

>12 years old
>played on a local playground with my friends
>there's a iron factory really close to it
>someone notices a car on a factory's parking lot in which a couple is fucking
>we gather and watch it
>10 minutes after they notice us and leave

This actually happened to a buddy of mine.

>Walking home from a party with his girlfriend.
>Both pretty drunk.
>Late at night.
>They're playing around and he accidentally shoves her to the ground
>She calls him an asshole and complains about a scrapped knee or something
>Suddenly a guy he said looked straight out of a cheesy 90's action movie (shredded as fuck, leather jacket, sunglasses at night, etc) shows up and starts giving him shit about roughing up a lady
>My buddy almost gets beaten up until the girlfriend intercedes and tells him she's fine and it was all a misunderstanding
>The dude lets my buddy go, tells the girlfriend to stay safe, but before leaving tells my buddy he'd be keeping an eye out for him

My buddy never saw the guy again.

>>79430329
Great advice.

>>79430329
Actually, this does fucking work.

>>79423266
Take it pussy. Conflict over peace!

>Mall parking lot
>Get into my car
>Decide to check my texts before starting up the car
>Look ahead
>There's a couple in the backseat of the car in front of mine fucking
>Guy is with his back turned to me, girl is riding him
>Quickly start the car to drive off
>As I do, she notices me and keeps fucking the guy while holding eye contact with me
>Get nervous and drive away

I don't know if I had stepped into a porno or a 1970's erotic thriller, but anyway it was kinda' hot.

>>79423266
not exactly the kind of stories you;re looking for but...

As a kid my parents watched 24 all the time and i was really into it. I remember thinking Jack Bauer was a total bad ass. I was in like 5th grade and my family was a block party so me and some other kids were playing some stupid game.
This one kid was getting up in my face and getting really annoying so i punched him in the neck because i saw Jack Bauer do that and i almost killed him.

>Smoking weed with friend in her front porch at midnight
>Just chatting about random shit
>Active serial killer in the area, chat about that for a bit
>Suddenly a car rolls up to her house and just stop in the middle of the road
>Drives forward a bit, stops, drives forward a bit more, stops again
>Keeps doing this until the car is past the house, then speeds off, all in all takes about a minute or two in total
>Neither of us had any idea who it could've been
Scary shit man

>>79431038
As children, we played with plastic guns and I almost shot my best friend in the fucking eye and made him blind.

>>79424296
was it some amateur mob hit or just solo crazy dude?

>>79427607
I don't know why but I'm fucking dying holy shit anon

I can just imagine this in the next Tarantino movie

>At the bus stop with friends
>I'm pretty drunk
>The bus almost crashes into a speeding car
>Tall buff bald guy with tattoos everywhere jumps out of the car and begins yelling at the bus driver while waving his wallet around
>That's the funniest shit to me for some reason and I start laughing
>Friends sweating bullets and telling me to shut up, but I don't know why
>Bald guy turns to waving his wallet at us and asking for the wiseass who's laughing
>I shut up because he was a big guy and could fuck me up
>He gets back into the car and leaves
>The following day, all sobered up, I mention the incident to my friends
>They tell me that what my drunken mind perceived as a wallet was actually a gun and the dude was threatening to go ballistic on everyone if he heard another laugh

As it was, it felt like something out of a stoner comedy. But it could easily have become a very bleak crime movie.

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>>79427607
What the fuck, my dude?

>>79431338
Indeed.

>>79430000
>>79429999
holy shit

>free loot
>doesnt take it

jesus dude
learn some capitalism

>>79424760
Women like being abused.

>>79431417
Just don't.

>>79431376
Dodged a bullet, eh?

>>79430329
This is clever.

Has anyone else tried this?

>>79431376
Fucking Kek that's hilarious

>>79431448
Don't what?

>>79431540
What you said there just isn't true.

>>79431570
t. cuck

>>79428331
Traffic freakouts happen everywhere

>>79427551
KEKE UNDERRATED POST

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>be me
>5-6 years old
>older brother tells me to pee on the neighbor sunbathing
>I go pee on the neighbor
>she doesn't wake up
I've thought about this so many times over and over and it's one of the more surreal experiences I have I've even jerked off to it and pic related is how I feel about it

>>79428331
Underrated post.

>Be in a band
>On tour, driving to San Diego
>"Let's stop at the sand dunes!"
>Bunch of idiots drive a 15 passenger van with 5 guys and all of the equipment kind of far into the dunes
>Get stuck
>Hangout while trying to call AAA, they won't help since we're over 100 ft off the street
>Some of the guys go look for some duners to help
>The rest of us find some first responders, but they can't hook us up to the truck because they could get fired for not being ready for a real emergency, they try and help anyway. Cool dudes
>By this point a crowd has gathered to see what's going on
>Two of the others come back with some badass motorcycle gang looking duners
>They hook the front of the van up to their truck and the guitarist gets in the drivers seat of the van to accelerate
>Badass duner tells him to accelerate as he does so there isn't slack
>everyone ready to get his van out, they give each other a glance
>guitarist says "Let's do this right boys"
>Jump by Van Halen starts blasting from the stereo
>Crowd cheers as the van gets pulled to freedom

>>79427024
Or perhaps the dude is just a fucking psycho who hits her for no reason

>>79423266
>be me
stop this

>>79427024
>>>/r9k/

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>be complete turbosperg
>spent the entire summer exercising to near death
>still retarded on the inside, but I've bloomed pretty well by the time school starts
>get invited to my first party with people my age
>get pretty drunk while talking with the hottest girl in the party
>first time drinking
>later into the night after spending the whole time bantering with her she invites me up to a room
>oh fuck I'm gonna lose my virginity
>she lays on the bed in her underwear and tells me to come over
>oh fuck
>i gotta piss
>tell her I gotta run to the bathroom real quick
>absolutely drunk out of my mind, could barely reach the bathroom
>when I get there I realized that I forgot how to piss
>shaking my dick in front of the toilet trying to make it work
>can't remember how to activate this shit
>start flexing random muscles hoping it works
>Still can't piss
>decide fuck it and go back to the room
>start trying to do the business
>Suddenly remember how to piss
>piss all over the hottest girl in the party

>filling up at small town gas station
>overweight middle aged man walking around and muttering
>he starts digging through the trashcan near where im pumping gas
>ignore him
>look over
>he pulled a dead dead falcon out of the trash
>he then starts harrassing a gas woman who works there with it
>holds it up at the cashier window
>throws it away in a dumpster
>turns out he's deaf

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>Be playing with toy pellet guns as a teenager in a field with some friends one summer.
>suddenly see several sets of eyes watching me from the trees.
> stop dead, my friends are a few paces away behind a hill, I'm taking a piss.
>FOUR black clad heavily armed soldiers come out of trees, faces painted in camo, guns pointed right at me.
>one whispers for me to "say fuck all or you're dead"
>freeze in place, instantly start crying and actually piss myself.
>My friends got the same shit.

Long story shirt, don't play with pellet guns in a secluded field in the evening in Northern Ireland in the early 90's. They thought we were an IRA training camp because one of our friends was a huge kid at 6'3 at only age 14 and they thought he was an adult radicalising us.

Spent a half day being questioned forvthat shit too. Scariest moment of my life. They might have been SAS. Not sure.

>>79431668
awesome

>>79431662
You're fucking with me, are you?

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>>79430329
>tfw used to do this unconsciously

>5 years ago
>long time gf goes to London for a month for a high school project
>decide to surprise her by going there (I'm not British) for a weekend
>text here "guess where I am" while waiting for her at the tube station when she finished working
>she replies back "no way"
>her train arrives
>waves of people across the platform, kinda hard for me to see her
>finally I see her looking for me
>she sees me
>we run towards one another, hug, give her a passionate kiss which seemed to last for ages (in a good way)
>Friday I'm in love by The Cure playing in the bakground of my head
>we're still together and I love her as if it were the first day I met her

>>79428865
Get Carter you mong

>Be in a tram minding my own business
>There is a guy near me talking to the phone with a friend
>When suddendly he says something along these line "Damnn the heroin of yesterday was so good, I slept till 2.00 p.m. today"
>Tfw he said this in a loud voice, in a tram full of people
>Shortly after I exit the tram(I've reached my destination), while the guy he was talking to at the phone was entering the tram

Not scared, but I was glad to get loose from that weirdo...Maybe after I will post other weird encounters in trams

>>79428774
Those females secretly hate you and will fuck the first guy to come along that's willing to challenge you.

>>79431810
This is fucked up, man, shieeeeet.

>>79431716
Tell me you made this up.

>>79431467
I did it accidentally.

>High school
>I'm an everyman
>One day one of the hottest girls in class begins flirting with me
>I pick up on it, but think she's rusing me
>She gets more aggressive
>I play along and even flirt back, but never actually make a move because I'm so utterly convinced she's cat-and-mousing me for a prank
>Whenever she goes for it, I shut her down or do something to throw her off
>Eventually she stops
>A while later while we're at a party she turns up to me, drunk, and tells me she's officially giving up and moving on and that I missed out
>A friend of hers tells me she actually was into me because I was a nice guy and she somehow found my awkwardness endearing
>IndescritableEmotion.gif

>>79430000
check your digits m8

>>79431931
Godspeed you, lucky bastard! May your relationship continues to flourish.

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>>79423266
>be me
>on my way to a friend
>It's night time and all dark
>See a light far away in front of me on the road
>The light keeps on getting closer
>Screams "hello" at him
>Light aim at my face, but no answer
>Nobody else on the road
>Guy with light just a few meters away from me now
>Can hear his footsteps
>Scared as fuck
>When the guy finally passed me, he just looks weird at me
>Keep on walking to my friends house

>>79432000
It's completely true. It's why I didn't lose my virginity until I went out of state for college. Everyone in my hometown still calls me R. Kelly.

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>>79431931
Was expecting this to end bad, with her cheating on you or something.
Good to hear everything turned out well for you.

>at some party with friends
>drunk
>2 girls drag me to some room where we can be isolated
>we layed on the bed, I had the hardest boner of my life and they put my arms on their vagina while they're slowly stroking my penis
>panic.jpg
>I just fucking run out of the room in eternal shame and leave the party
They were fucking sisters willing to have a threesome with me when I was 15. It still haunts me to this fucking day. We never talked about what happened there ever again.

>Hanging out with friends at the mall
>As I joke I pretend to be talking on the phone with someone
>Say some stereotypical over-the-top movie villan stuff like "The drop is midnight. Just leave the money and take the package" or "Don't cross me, Johnny. Or the next thing you'll be crossing is Heaven's Gate!" in a faux British accent
>My friends all giggling nearby at people's reaction.
>Later at the food court
>Four burly security guards approach me and ask me to accompany them
>Get taken to a back room and questioned by the guards and a cop
>Tell them it was just a prank
>They're unconvinced and go through my phone and backpack
>Take my picture, make me sign a NDA so I can't disclose anything about the "interrogation" and sternly tell me to not start shit at the mall again
>Let me go after three hours
>My ride home left
>No money for a cab

>>79432072
How was the first time you got some? Do girls help you if you're inexperienced or do you have to pretend you know your shit?

Me and three friends stole a piano from a free Mason's lodge and sold it to a drug dealer for 25 quid each, 100 in total. That was our cans sorted for the weekend.

Was wild fun.

>>79432149
>put my arms on their vagina

Don't fuck conjoined twins, bro. Ain't kosher.

>>79432203
There's definitely girls out there who are dedicated virgin slayers. You find a shit ton of them at anime conventions trying to find the diamonds-in-the-rough weebs.
For normal girls, don't make a big deal about your virginity and they won't. If you're attractive enough, the halo effect kicks in and they'll think it's cute.

>>79432230
One was on my left, the other one was on my right. I know you're joking, but I'll add it to avoid further confusion. The worst thing is they were my neighbours and I still see them from time to time. The older one is almost a 10/10, and her sister is a solid 8.

>>79432281
Good to know, thanks.

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>>79427595
>he doesn't know

>>79432149
FUCK YOU

>>79428234
>if you touch her again imma do somethign bad!

Is this bait, or genuine underage.

>>79432414
Why? If anything, I will be tormented by that day untill I fucking die, do you think I'm happy?

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>be somebody else
>on my way home
>it's night time but I have a light
>see some autistic fuck far away on the road
>I'm getting closer
>he's screeching some autistic shit in my direction
>shine my light on him to get a closer look at this nerd's face
>nobody else around
>just a few meters away from the autist
>I'm still wearing dress shoes from work
>notice that autist's crotch is wet and he's shaking
>give him a look of absolute disgust
>keep on walking home

>>79432006
that's something very different

>>79432450
the story gave me anxiety and i was lashing out at you

were you raised religiously? why did you run out? what happened after?

>>79430362
wow that's actually pretty neat

>>79432562
I was a fedora tipper at the time, but religion was never a large part of my life, no.

>>79427372
Being a psychopath doesn't mean you have to be a cunt

>>79424760
At least they aren't with some boring beta male cuck loser nice guy virgin.

>be my dad
>recently graduated from university
>he and his new girlfriend are staying at his apartment
>she sleepwalks over to window, opens it and falls out
>my dad is held as the prime suspect for five hours
>thinks he's going down for murder
>freed only because her friends testify that she sleepwalked and something to do with a bonsai he had on the windowsill falling a certain way
>meets her parents at her funeral

he says he still thinks about her sometimes

>>79431716
>Anime

Didn't read.

>>79432562
I ran out of fear and sheer disappointment I was feeling at the moment. Some crazy shit was going on in there, so none seemed to notice me sperging out. As I've said, we never mentioned this from that day on and that was 8 years ago.

>>79432725
>beating your wife
>alpha
>>>/r9k/

>>79426304
hahahahaha

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>>79427607
Jesus christ whyyyyy

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>be me at like 8
>playing in swamp behind house
>go deeper than I normally go into it, can't find older brothers
>have this weird trance moment where I just get lost and my senses get blurred
>after what feels like a minute, walk out of swamp into back yard
>Brothers and Mom freaking out
>I was gone for half an hour

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>>79431662
>7 or 8
>staying the night at a friends house
>one of us comes up with an idea(maybe me)
>I tell him we should kiss his sleeping sister
>we sneak in to her room and grope and kiss her
>she starts to wake up and we leave the room
mfw

>>79432199
Well, you just broke the fucking NDA. Get ready for a world of shit. I'm coming for you.

>>79423266
A member of my family was a swindler and used to know a lot of gang bangers.

Sometimes, guys he fucked over would come to our house with bats, others would fellow us or ask people we know where we lived. Nothing serious ever happened though.

Thank God, he stopped his scams.

>>79424760
>Kid

>>79429671
Are you sure you weren't just high?

>be 15
>come home late after drinking beers with some buddies
>sneak in while the whole house is dark
>dad is sitting in the dark in the living room smoking cigs

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>>79423266
I think dead drops arent so rare, anon.
>be in McDonalds in shitty neighborhood in Corpus
>everyone in the restraunt looks like there a character from breaking bad, cholos completely covered in tattoos with lowriders, homeless people who look all fucked up
>notice that people were leaving bags on tables when they left, left cups/bags in the parking lot just to have more people come in and leave with them
Also not on the same subject, why is Corpus so fucking ugly?

>>79427377
>with her bf

That's how you know it was real life

>>79427680
But he is right though. From a law stand point of you get involved you go to jail for assault or murder. He either a walks free under self defense or b she more than likely finds another guy just as bad as him. In either situation you go to jail and the beatings continue. The anon could have called the police but they would have been long gone by then and really couldn't have done anything unless she pressed charges th e only good thing that could have happened is maybe child services gets involved, maybe. Not defending the guy but the law sucks sometimes.

t. Police officer.

>>79429999
that's a common trick, I saw it on tv not too long ago.

>>79431959
Have you never worked in a city or something? This is neither unusual nor interesting.

>>79433273
lel
In X-files this happens all the time

>>79431376
That's fucking terrifying, actually.

>>79431605
So you've never been inside a woman, yeah?

>>79431810
Upa Ra, don't be DUPed.

>>79428821
Human traffickers herd them like crazy. They always bust houses around here that have like 100 central americans stuffed into a bed room waiting to be picked uo by a truck.

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>>79423266
>first year of uni
>have this whirlwind thing with this girl
>really intense
>She's an exchange student
>We knew it was going to have to end badly but we didn't care
>I spend the last night night with her at her apartment
>The alarm goes off at 5am
>We had packed basically everything and were ready to get her a taxi to the airport by 6
>We finish with about 20 minutes to spare
>I call the taxi thinking it will take a while to get there
>"Anon I want to make every second with you count"
>She is sitting across the room from me
>On some level at this point it would have been too painful to be close
>I already feel like she's lost to me
>She comes over to me dragging her suitcase
>She goes in for the kiss
>My phone goes off
>The taxi is right outside
>We grab everything and rush to the ground floor
>We makeout in the elevator going down
>Time seems to standstill
>We come out the street level and sure enough the taxi is there
>She puts her stuff in the back and looks at me
>I kiss and hold her once last time
>"I'm not going to forget you anon"
>"You better not" I say
>With difficulty we let go of eachother and she gets in the taxi
>I watch it drive all the way down the long road until it takes a left and disappears
>The sun starts to rise
>A plane noisily flies overhead
>Starman starts playing
Why the guy in the apartment above the main entrance decided to open up his windows and play that at 6am I don't know. In retrospect I felt like the credits should have rolled there

>>79431931
Ah that's the stuff!
Wish you my best anon!

>>79434951
That sucks, but you'll eventually find one, too.

>>79432006
>and tells me she's officially giving up and moving on and that I missed out
Any girl this full of herself really isn't worth your time.

>>79433055
I did that to my 5 year old cousin once, the other day actually

>>79430149
you sound unintelligent. looks like all that time spent on hw didn't do you any good.

>>79427595
>Why would you get involved
Because he threatened me and now i don't like him. If i can escalate the situation and kill him/sue him/get him thrown in jail, i will.

>>79428059
>no dan schneider

>>79435724
That's because Dan's your mom and you see him every day

>>79428540
>>79428237

Fucking kek

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>at airport in japan
>had to shit really bad
>go into handicapped bathroom stall cause its the closest by
>hit random buttons on the wall (cant read japanese) looking for light switch
>finally find it and do my business
>one of the buttons I hit, works on a delay and this triggers the wall to completely retract (probably for wheelchair acces or something)
>Im now sitting out in the open and people are walking by, staring at me while I'm in mid-shit
>Im faced with the dilemma of getting up with a turd hanging out of my ass and try to find the correct button, or just powering it out
>I chose the latter
>after the longest minute of my life somebody finally figured out my dilemma and hits the right button on the wall
>after this the wall closes up again ever so slowely...

>Live near a closed terrain
>The neighborhoodd kids hang out there all the time because there's no adults
>I don't often hang out with them because I'm a loner
>One day hanging out by myself as I'm known to do
>Happen upon a bunch of older kids
>They've trapped a large rat and are taking turns ramming their bikes over its head until it's a puddle of mushy brains
>One of the kids sees me and tells me I'm gonna get it if I tell anyway
>Walk away and never speak of it again

For a moment there I expected Pennywise to show up.

>>79432044
Kekd n chekd

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>Flight attendant stuck a napkin in my hand as she walked by
>Had her number and a lipstick kiss on it.

picrelated

>>79432507
Well memd my gentlesire

>>79436099
It was the dude, wasn't it?

>>79426304

>"teenage dirtbag" starts playing

>>79432913
>Be me at 18
>New Years day, first big one
>Get blind and run down the beach after some guys with flares
>Get tired after a while and pull up under a shrub to sleep
>Wake up and make it back to my friends place
>It's a long ass fucking walk but i recognise the direction
>My best friend cries as soon as she sees me
>I'd been gone two fucking days

>>79436222
WRONG, nor was the black!

>>79432727
>be this dude's dad
>find out my bitch is cheating on me
>know she sleep walks
>push her out of window
>get her friends to back me up on the sleepwalking story
>get away with murder
>go on 4chan for my afternoon shitposting
>see this thread
Hello, son.

>>79432913
As someone who's gone camping and hiking a lot on my own this shit is exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. I love getting lost in the woods and getting that vertigo feeling (the weird trance moment you mentioned). It makes me feel like it's my conditioning as a modern human who lives in society away from nature being turned off as my old instincts kick back in.

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>>79429999
>>79430000

>>79434951
did you keep in touch with her? this isn't exactly the olden times. international flights are relatively cheap and there's the internet, video chat, etc.

>>79436655
>be this dude's dead ex girlfriend
>he's total scum
>start sleepwalking so there's an alibi for me killing myself and it doesn't torture my parents too much
>when i go to do it, he jumps up and pushes me
>let him, hopefully it ways on his soul in the future and he ends his pathetic life
>go on 4chan for my eternal heavenly shitposting session
>see this thread
fuck you

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>>79436655

>>79436462
what were you on?

>at random drug party in east end of Glasgow bout 5am
>having a good time on mdma, trying to convince slut to come back to mine
> fucked up bam who owns the flat bursts into living room with a SMOKE GRENADE, shouts "YESS" and pulls the pin. Everyone bolts out and about 30 secs later there is a HUGE bang and smoke comes out everywhere from the door
> leave party with girl before the police arrive

The guy got arrested and charged, I later found out. Girl refused to sleep with me also

>>79436893
Bottle of Vodka + Whatever Miscellaneous shit I was drinking.

>>79431810
fuck me that's mental

>>79434971
>>79432132
>>79432030

Thanks guys, I thought there wasn't anyone nice left in this board

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If you aren't a sad kissless loser please go away

>>79427542
>That is probably one of those get involved type of situation.

The brother of a friend of mine stopped a guy from hitting a woman once. The guy got back up and sucker punched him and kept kicking him in the head until he died. These guys are fucking nuts so unless you're huge or really know how to handle yourself I would advice against it

This happened a month ago:
>at company party
>decide to pretend to be drunk off two glasses of wine
>attractive girl I like pulls me to dance because she thinks I'm drunk
>keep up the charade
>another hot girl pushes me into the dance circle
>tries to breakdance
>nearly end up roundhouse kicking my 7/10 manager

I ended up getting a free bottle of gin that night.

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>>79424205
>I always thought you'd just bounce off

>>79431959
>people who do drugs take public transit
Wow, I can't fuckin' believe it. Something so wild that it must only happen in movies!

>>79438084

I don't know why, but pretending to be drunk is one of the best ways to get girls invite you to dance

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>>79423266
>About 15
>Was forced into playing baseball
>Had two outs, game was to go to the playoffs
>Pitcher shouts "Easy out!" when I come up
>Smack the fuck out of the ball, flies straight into pitcher kid's teeth and he is out cold
>I score because the other team's coach happened to be that kid's dad and he was screaming for them to check on the kid
>Got major cred around school for this
>Their coach left to take the kid to the ER
>Some soccer mom filled in and we proceeded to BTFO of the team 6 to 3
In case you didn't figure, the pitcher was a total Chad. That my friends was the day that taught me Chad doesn't always win.

>>79432072
>Everyone in my hometown still calls me R. Kelly
holy shit the story was funny enough on its own, that is the cherry on top.
You shouldn't feel embarrassed anymore, though. That story is awesome.

>>79427493
this happens to me too sometimes

ill be dozing off or daydreaming and suddenly for a split second an image of something pops into my brain of me going throughout my day, and anywhere from minutes to months later i see the same image in real life.

this happen to anyone else?

>>79426304

>He didn't come back half an hour later carrying a shotgun and boom box playing pumped up kicks

You're an embarrassment to to /tv/

damn, it's threads like this that make /tv/ worth while

>>79428059
B A S E D

>>79438188
It was weird. The hot jewish girl started to get real close to me. Girl I liked kept dancing with me for an hour and a half. Sex music started playing, and I was about to have a heart attack

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>at a Sonic in Orlando Florida
>crackhead doing a plank on his bicycle
>rides in
>"hey, how everybody doin' today? Yeah yeah yeaaaaaaa-aaaaah"
>takes off on the bike again
>standing straight up on the seat
>grabs a fucking bird that tried to fly past him
>doesn't even upset his balance a bit

>>79430112
What are you fucking retarded? You've sunk to being an autistic NFL referee? Hold on let me grab a microscope to analyze these hairs you're splitting. Just kill yourself.
While you're at it let me barrow your crystal ball, I'd also want your ability to jump to conclusions and condemn based solely on face value

>>79430149
Your thoughts are jumbled up, you need to think logically like a big boy.

And ps: Fuck you. How selfish and messed up in the head must you be to impose yourself and all your baggage on the whole of society based on your own shitty childhood? As for the point you're trying to make.. I have no clue on what that is and neither do you

>>79430149
>>79430112
Both of you dickheads need to grow up.

>>79432149
Don't worry, dude. There's always the experiences that DO happen that could haunt you instead.
>be 18
>go on road trip with girl I matched on tinder during a cross-country hitchhiking trip
>she is perfectly thick in all the right places and proportions
>few days in, slow build up to being more and more comfortable with each other
>a family friend of hers owns some small hotels, gives us free room
>finally ready to do the sex
>condom on, start bangin, she switches to top
>out of nowhere, orgasm hits me
>fail to get hard again
Then we tried again the next day
>this time try a trick I've done where I orgasm once before getting hard again to last way longer the second time
>we go for it, once again I cum right away
>do everything in my power to get hard again, to no avail
>sheer disappointment
It was a fairly awkward trip from that point onward.
The one thing I had to keep my self-esteem from critical condition was remember when I had a threesome at 17 and both girls came before I did. Now that, almost felt like a scene from a movie.

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>>79434951

>>79432416
I ask myself that on 4chan all the time. The answer is always, "just don't think about it"

>>79433303
Corpus sounds like a fictional city name for some grimdark edgy action thriller/mystery story

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>going home from elementary school
>living in a post-soviet eastern european ghetto
>on a sidewalk, passing one of the thick electric poles
>turn around
>some shady dude is standing there with a brick in his hand like he's ready to hit someone, completely motionless
>wondering why he didn't hit me, go home without giving it a second thought

>>79438264
Yes. I'm glad someone else has this shit. Mine were strong as fuck though, i would forsee a whole 30 seconds then months later that situation i saw would begin to happen and i would know what to expect. Basically some kind of psychic spidey-sense bullshit. Unfortunately it wasnt super useful, usually i'd know when a friend or a teacher was going to say something or like, a song was gonna play or when someone would enter a room. It has also tapered off tremendously as i grew older.
My best theory is that the human brain secretly has the ability to process billions of probabilities and can semi-accurately guess at scenarios in the future.

One time, i forsaw myself falling on the concrete and hurting myself on a chilly morning at school. Months later the scene starts to play out and i remember that i'll be getting hurt soon, i panic and try to run but fall and hit my head badly. Self-fulfilling prophecy that never would have happened had i not seen it happening. Absolutely spooky.

>>79436017
my fucking sides

>>79429291
You see through the eyes of a retard.

>>79428065
you're a bad person

>>79429408
>arabs
Why bring it up when it has got nothing to do with the story? Racist much?

>>79428237
top jej

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>>79427024

>>79432697
Most 'mental disorders', especially cluster b types, are just ways of saying this person is X type of cunt.

>>79434951
>a song played while I was feeling emotional
didn't need a schmaltzy 2-page blog post desu. also, your mom should have rolled the credits before you were born

>>79436017
fucking kek

>>79434951
>be me
>live in apartment right above main entrance for building
>see all kinds of shit happen in front of this place
>decide to play music out the window to match the situation, like the people are characters in a movie
>see some sperg making out with 5/10 chink before she goes into taxi
>play Starman

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>>79428664
i feel you m8

>>79427607
would have been more believable if she didn't cut the head off and just cut the dick. Do you realize how long u would have to saw with a can to cut through a dick?

>>79427337
*polishes katana*
*puff his vaporizer*

>>79424760
So are the men. Weak mothers and fathers who dump their childhood baggage onto their own children. That kid's gonna' have problems. Believe me, I know ;_;

>>79436017
Holy shit
This sounds like it would be a gag on Homer on a special Japan-theme episode.
But it's so much funnier being an actual thing

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>>79427377

>>79438535
>florida

>>79427612
>The other dude wasn't allowed to play there for a couple months
Oh ok

>>79433055
This is my jam right here
The classics.

>>79430527
Hey how you doin lil mama?
Lemme whisper in your ear
Tell you sumthing that you might like to hear
You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft
Mind if I touch it? and see if its soft

>>79431931
<3

>>79428688
read the title of the thread again m8

>>79437457
I've never had it happen, but I've known some true alcoholics who've gone on benders. People have told me there are weeks and sometimes even months that they don't remember.
That one episode of Bojack Horseman was so crazy for me because the way he blacks out and has random moments of clarity is almost exactly how people remember benders.

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>>79427493
>later watch tv show and correctly predict the next line a character's gonna say a couple of times without actively trying to do so
>just kind of popped up into my mind
My fellow superhero, happens to me with music as well.

Why were we given these powers?

>>79438264
>>79438994
Isn't this Deja Vu?
I get this as well, sometimes I get annoyed with it and try to alter what I think I originally thought of but it just turns out to be part of that timeline.

>>79432006
are you me?

>>79430329
>My past few relationships all started this way.
Did this on my last tinder date, it ended with
me asking her
"How did you like our little evening out"
"You're just so weird.. . like really, really weird"
"Wanna go out again?"
"Shit the stove! i gotta go, thanks for the coffee"

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>>79424760
I'LL GET YOU BILLY

Do you at least get their wifi password?
Or carry a book with you?
Killing 30 minutes in the toilet is no easy task.

>>79428284
hmmm

>>79439145
It's relevant because if they were trustworthy fellow white people, then his white spidey-sense wouldn't have grabbed the wrist of the man who stole his phone.

>>79432199
>it's a prank bro

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>go to see Wicked in Chicago with my family back in 2006 or something
>everyone is all nicely dressed
>leave theater around 10 PM but no decent restaurants are open
>go to McDonald's a few blocks away
>order Filet-o-Fishes for my parents and black dude asks me for money for a burger (gave him a dollar)
>go outside after we're done eating
>homeless black guy is pissing on the side of a building
>he yells out "GOD BLESS US ONE AND ALL BABY!" and zips up his fly
It was a weird mix of laughing my ass off and feeling like I was going to get Bruce Wayne'd that night.

>>79439970
living around black people must be a weird experience

>go on vacation to Paris around the time the Iraq War was starting
>visit Eiffel Tower
>a couple Algerian vendors are underneath selling shit like mini-eiffel towers at discount prices
>a few minutes later a couple french cops on bicycles show up near the tower
>something like 400 algerians start running out of the tower
Shit was fucking weird man

>>79438535
>>grabs a fucking bird that tried to fly past him
drugs confirmed for giving you super powers at a very high cost

>>79439705
we consciously go through future scenarios in our head all the time based on knowledge and information that we are conscious of.
out subconscious probably does the same thing with its vastly superior processing power and quantity of patterns and information

>>79438637
Simon, is that you?

>>79436099
If it was the girl on the left, you're in for a bad time.
>dat psychopath 'smile'

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>>79440081
>very high

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I locked eyes with OJ Simpson in an Orlando airport back in 2003 (on the way back from Disneyworld).
My parents told me about him on the flight back home and I couldn't sleep the rest of the night thinking he would kill me for looking at him funny.

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>>79428234
>if you touch her again imma do somethign bad!

>>79440073
This happens all the time they're not supposed to be selling shit there and a lot of them are pickpockets

>>79440127
Nope but I find it pretty fuckin' weird that there is someone whose experiences align with mine

>>79438625
t. abuse victim in denial

>>79440073
Happened to me last month tooo

>>79439270
Who hurt you, anon?

>>79440073
>french cops on bicycles show up

This was the best thing about Paris. I saw them swoop in out of nowhere and tell the faggoty ass student types to stop trying to give flyers to everyone

>>79440381
>people trying to speak truth to power
>police shut them down
TELL ME THIS AIN'T 1984, HUH?

I had one of those emotional good byes at an airport where I won't see here for a year or more. She got on the plane and the ride back to my hostel on the tramway was the most depressing shit ever

>>79430329
kek nice

>>79440406
>>people trying to speak truth to power
>european students in major cities

Have you ever met students from Europe in this day and age?

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>go drinking in Mexico with best friend from college
>go to some tiki bar and make friends with some of the locals
>end up going to a karaoke bar with them and some fat canadian dude (who had two chicks with him)
>leader of the group offhandedly mentions being a lawyer for the local cartel
>end up butchering some pop song with him on stage and laugh my ass off
>ask fat canadian dude where he met his girlfriends and he yells out "THEY AREN'T MY GIRLFRIENDS THEY'RE JUST HOOKERS!"
>cartel dude brings his car around and tells my friend and I to get in (around 3 in the morning)
>end up driving with him despite reservations and fear
>dude pulls up in front of some shady looking building with dim lights and only a couple big guards in front
>friend and I make our final vows in case we end up getting whacked
>turns out to be a cathouse and I end up getting my first blowjob from some decent mexican chick while our lawyer friend laughs at us for being scared
I still wonder what happened to him to this day, I haven't done anything great in Mexico since then.

>father is an old asian man with tons of dragon, eagle, snake tattoos
>have plenty of women
>have 7 other older stepsiblings all way beautiful, handsome and smarter
>they get all disinherited except for the virgin NEET loser

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>>79428586
>360 and walk away

>>79440567
>except for the virgin NEET loser
Was it you?

> was walking down the block one day and then this happened

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgCP7pW6xuA

>on a road trip to Scotland with best friend and his gf
>visit Edinburgh, spend the evening at a pub
>we get very drunk and end up spending a lot of money, like most of it
>we don't have enough money to go to the hostel
>we'll just have to spend the night in the car again, except we're parked right in the city center
>we drive around looking for a quiet spot for what seems like ages
>find one with grass and trees and shit
>we park the car, eat, drink more beers and smoke some weed and go to sleep
>I wake up early in the morning, need to pee really bad
>get out of the car and find a bush
>see some old dude walking in the distance, hard to see because of the mist
>he emerges out of the fog, sees me peeing and stops
>look of pure disgust on his face
>who the fuck is this old dude, why is he watching me taking a piss and what the fuck is his problem?
>look around
>it's a golf course
>we somehow parked the car on a golf course and I'm standing there urinating on a bush in front of a car which is literally surrounded by empty beer bottles and mcdonalds wrappers