Do Americans really do this?

Shit?

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>he doesn't take his clothes off before having a shit

>>79350915
Well, I stand up to wipe but yeah I take my clothes of to shit

>>79351911
>stand up to wipe

you are supposed to wipe the asshole, not just your cheeks

Already this thread got me loling

>>79351937
I do (pull cheek back with left hand wipe with right)

I can't believe people really stick their hands in the filthy bowl

>>79351980
Literally this

>>79351759
super male vitality body

fun fact: the director is a gay

If it's a real serious poo I will take everything off and then take a shower when I'm done.

>Not pulling your balls forward and wiping from the front.

Plebs.

>>79351759
>tfw george is less fat yhan you

fug

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>tfw I'm Ass-Squatch and i have a full head of hair in my ass.
>wipe and wipe.
>fighting an endless battle.

>>79351980
>>79351997
Lmao why are you touching anything when your hand goes in? Plus some relatively clean porcelain is better than the shit you're intentionally about to make contact with through a few tiny layers of tp

>>79352070

get rid of the hair on your ass man

>>79352070
baby wipes

>>79351980
wait what do you mean stick their hands in the bowl? What are you talking about? why would you stick your hand in the toilet bowl OR stand up? why would you just wipe your ass normally?

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>>79352070
get a load of king dingle-berry here!

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>>79352070
I don't have this issue. But, godspeed Anon.

>>79352070
iktfb

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I think OP meant install a toilet on your front porch and shit right out in the open, not just take off your shirt to shit or stay sitting and wipe.

>>79350915
That's common in Russia except for the toilet.

>>79352186
>cat in the background
i lost

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>>79352096
then what do you do with them

>tfw someone at the office uses baby wipes and just throws them into the bin in the bathroom afterwards

>>79353252
Man, that's disgusting

>>79353252
What should they do with them then?

standing up to wipe would close your buttcheeks and get shit everywhere. no wonder americans always have skidmarks.

staying seated and simply resting on one cheek keeps your cheeks parted and leaves ample space to wipe efficiently.

>>79352070

My ass looks like the mansion at the end of Jumanji. I just bring a water bottle to help me wipe

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wipe a few time
think about the amount of blood on the TP
spray ass with bidet
wince at the pain from my fissures getting sprayed with water

>>79351980
How fat are you?

>>79353252
You're not supposed to flush baby wipes because it blocks the sewer system.

>>79351651
Man, Art Garfunkel looks terrible.

>>79352070
Install a bidet shower.

>>79351911
>take clothes off to shit

Same. Why would you want your clothes to smell like shit?

You guys really don`t know how to clean your ass.

>Get naked
>Shit
>Go into the shower.

>>79351980
>>79351997
Same. I don't get how anyone can wipe sitting down and claim to have wiped properly. Unhygienic bastards.

>>79353657
How did you get fissures?

>>79354671
that's disgusting if you think about it.

bidet\wet wipes it's where is at, not dirtying your shower with fucking shit.

fucking savages, monkey people

I don't get bidets.

How does just spraying your ass with water get the poop off? You'd still need to wipe.

>>79356113
You still wipe after using the bidet. Wet wiping is more effective than dry wiping.

>>79356159
wouldn't the wet TP just shred and disintegrate, leaving little rolly bits stuck in your ass hair?

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Whenever I have a hard shit my anus hurts real bad and engorges out. What the fuck is that? It hurts when I touch it or sitdown. Sometimes it takes a day or two for it to go back to normal.

>>79352096
Do NOT shave your asshole. It feels nice the first day. Then it'll feel like there's an angry hornets nest coming your of your asshole.

>>79356226
If you use cheap TP. You could always start with a gentle pat first, before going in for the full wipe.

>>79356226
>ass hair
lol

This is where you're going wrong

>>79352070
Just reach into your ass with your hand before you shit a pull it out to spare the paper, that's what doctor recommended me.

>>79356235
Hemorrhoids. Remember, any irritation in that area can cause hemorrhoids. That includes taking hard shits. Right now, it sounds like you only have slight inflammation. That's manageable. But it will continue to get worse if you keep taking those hard shits. So you have to take counter measures to prevent that from happening. Start by increasing fiber in your diet. So you get those nice clean easy shits.

Also, be careful what kinds of soaps you use on your asshole. The ingredients in some can cause a low grade irritation, that you don't realize is happening, until you take that hard shit, and the problem compounds.

And of course, try not to sit too much. Take frequent standing breaks, or lay on your stomach/side.

>>79350915
Yes, India, Americans use toilets.

>>79350915
This film made me want to live in Texas.
Goddamn taking a shit on your own porch naked and blowing off a sheriff.

How amazing country is that of yours!

>>79353194
Nice one

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>>79352070
My ex called me the wolf man waist down I look like a fucking guerrilla I know the struggle.

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>>79356481
>guerilla

>>79356394
Thanks anon. I always thought hemorrhoids was some kind of std. I will follow your recommendations.

>>79355743
Eating sunflower seeds steel and all
No matter how much you chew 'email up they still are like fish hooks when you shit them out
Barbed poo is not a fun time but I love sunflower seeds

>>79356640
Shell and all*

>always take immense shits for some reason
>office has some really narrow type of pipe system
>clog it every time
>have to use a toilet brush to unclog the toilet
I don't know why my shits are so massive. It's perfectly healthy poop and it's not like I eat more than the average person.

>>79356253
That's why you wax/nair it.

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>>79356609
>I always thought hemorrhoids was some kind of std.

This is why we need better education.

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>>79356640

>>79353252
>someone at the office uses baby wipes and just throws them into the bin in the bathroom afterwards

That's guaranteed to be either a woman or a shitskin.

>>79356640
>I love sunflower seeds

Get fuck out of my board bird.

>>79356609
American'ts, ladies and gentlemen.

>>79350915
Where's the bidet? Who wipes their asses with dry paper like some uncouth savage?

>>79356640
I've done this and damn it hurts, but I don't think it'd cause a rectal fissure. That's the sort of thing that happens by shoving large objects up your ass.

>>79356891
Fuck off yuropoor I bet you don't know what an ursus arctos horriblis is either.

>>79356700
>not just filling a bucket with water and pour it in the toilet with force

>>79357012
You need to eat more berries and less hikers if you want to get rid of your ailment.

>>79352186
karl urban looks like THAT?!

>>79352070
I feel you
I heard there's some laser surgery thing you can get to permanently remove the hair but I don't know if I want someone literally shooting laserbeams up my asshole

>>79357353
Yah I wasn't the fissure guy but I thought it was similar to my seed story so I shared

>>79352070
just use wetwipes ffs

>>79357406
Oops this was meant for >>79356981

I'm so glad I started taking my pants off when I go to the toilet.

You really need the leg space to get the good shits.

>>79356226
You use the towel provided

I take a shower after shitting every time because I'm the type of guy who wastes a full roll of paper wiping and I got tired of taking so long every time I had to take a shit

eurofag here. if I could take a shit outside on a warm morning while drinking a beer and playing the guitar every day for the rest of my life I would be in heaven.

truly the land of the free.

>television and film

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>>79352070
>mfw burgerland doesnt use the little hose in the toilet to wash their ass
do you not have that little hose in your toilets or am i just from a clearly more dveloped country?

>>79352084
>t. Shitty ball man
How do you wipe front to back while sitting down?

>>79357918
You mean your dick?

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>MC goes to take a big sweaty, sloppy shit
>he doesn't pee first, then flush, because if the poo poo mixes with the pee pee he flies into a violent rage and has to stomp around the house slapping his thighs for an hour

how can hollywood be so out of touch?

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>>79358180
no faget im talking about this little hose here

>>79350915
Do eurofags not do this? Damn, life must suck for them.

>>79358330
Lmao are you too poor to afford a Bathcuum?

>>79350915
Only Jews do weird things in movies in order to make the rest of the world think that is "normal". It isn't "normal" in the slightest.

is it true yuropoors use their hand to wipe?

>>79358601
Yes it's an ancient Islamic tradition

>>79357477
Europeans do NOT wipe their ass with a towel do they?

>>79352429
>totally naked, except shoes

AMERICANS

>>79357918
You dont even need a little hose or a bidet you cant just use the showers head and wash your ass in the toilet

>>79351759
Is this the Alex Jones body

>>79352070
Baby wipes and shower, friend.
Dry paper is only marginally effective under the best conditions.

Ever since I was like 8 years old, I've loved fingering my ass. Not while masturbating or anything, I just love the feeling of my finger up there. I'd go and lie down behind the couch while my parents are watching TV and finger away until I need to shit.

Anyway I'm pretty sure from years of doing this I gave myself an anal fissure with my fingernail at some point. There's a definite rip in the tissue up there.

>>79353194
Behold the Siberian toilet:

> get two sticks
> ram one stick in ground
> hold on to stick to shit
> second stick is for fending off wolves.

>>79356640
Why would you eat the shell?

>>79352070
absolutely disgusting

guys should be shaving their asses every other day.

>>79356253
i shave mine and i have never experienced this

every non-shaver claims it happens though.

>>79352186
I Naired my ass once when I was 18 or 19, just for the experience. It was a monstrous mistake. Hair's a dry lubricant that keeps your skin from chaffing.

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>>79359597

Can not confirm, made my asshole silky smooth several times along with dick and balls.

>>79351980
i do this, but i always have to check my pants or the floor afterwards, 'cause sometimes some poo or undigested food clinging to my butthair falls down to the floor

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>>79359528

> Use left hand to get TP, turn on faucet, and wet TP

> Pass it to right hand to wipe ass

> Repeat until clean

This is the best way to wipe your ass too bee honest. If you do it right, your left hand is mostly clean.

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>>79352070
>taking a shit at work that you cant hold any longer
>20 minutes of wiping
>boss ask where you've been

>>79359967
> implying i don't hold it in until i get to work
> implying my office doesn't have nice bathrooms /w wifi
> implying i'm a call center / production line bitch and have to report my breaks
> implying i don't get paid to shit for ~30 minutes every day

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Behold, savages.

>>79360389
"flushable"

It all clogs eventually

>>79359967
>>79360110
>mother and sister literally will not shit at work no matter what
>if they get insane immediate about to die diarrhoea they will drive home

>>79360389
Do you use wet wipes and then toilet paper or toilet paper first?
Or no toilet paper at all?

TIL Germans have a special word for taking a dump that is so perfect you don't even have to wipe afterwards.
It's called Glückswurst, or Lucky Sausage.

>>79352022
This x100000

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Fucking plebs.

>>79360438
I can understand that, women's bathrooms are filthy because women are pigs in public bathrooms.
They hover with their asses above the rim and piss all over the place, i wouldn't want to sit there either.
I everyone just sat their asses down and maybe used some disinfectant on the seat afterwards the world would be a better place.

would you be a literal toilet for your waifu/husbando?

>>79360507

Toilet paper for the initial wipes to get the main stuff. Wipes for after and deep cleaning. I take the tip of my finger, covered by the wipe and penetrate the rim of my anus.

>>79360824
Might as well enjoy it, right anon?

>>79350915
>Do Americans really do this?

Only in Texas, I'm afraid

>>79359101
yes.

The body of someone who worked out a lot and then let themselves slip

>>79358473
Legit kek

They should have made a movie out of the book content. The "real world" stuff was lame.

>>79360569
How does that exactly work, do you have to squat in front of that or something?

>>79360569
This one doesn't even have a jet. What do you do with it?

>>79360624

> wastebasket of mysteriously unflushed pisspaper
> bag of used pads, tampons and package
> drains full of hair
Women are pigs in the bathroom. I had a live in gf for 13 years.

>movie and tv board
>long discussion on how you take a shit
never change /tv/

I usually take my shirt off before I shit. Always worried that the splash from the water will go up and hit the back of my shirt.

>>79361965
One of my oldest memories of this board was a thread discussing the pros and cons of German toilets versus normal ones. Fuck the german ones. Scatophiliac weirdos.

Age-old tradition.

>>79358206
;^)

This is the shittiest thread i've seen in a long time. These mods stink.

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>>79352070
>he doesn't shit every morning right after breakfast/coffee and before showering
get a hold of yourself, barbarian

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>>79350915
>not standing up to wipe

>>79359553
Tasty salty and lazy to do the shelling

>>79359580
This. I shave mine about once a week. Do it the shower, takes like 30 seconds. I've never had irritation after the hair starts growing back. The only downside is you become super aware of how sweaty your asscrack gets when there's no hair to absorb it. But I'd rather deal with that than dirty, shit caked hair

>>79351651
>tfw to smart to waste your feces so you reserve them in the cheekbones for later usage
truly the top of the pyramid

>>79351759
Stocky

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>tfw you take a shit but it's such a clean drop that you only have to wipe once

http://www.strawpoll.me/12325244

>>79362641
are you a literal retard?

>>79362442
>clogging the train with tough ass hair

No thank you

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>tfw you go to wipe your arse but accidentally get shit on it

males are disgusting.

>>79362694
for my dissertation

>>79362842
Females shit too, surprise!

>>79362900
females don't have a full head of hair at their asshole.

>>79351759
does he shave his nipples?

>>79362913
yes they do

This fucking shitty thread delivers

>>79362913
Only because it's socially acceptable for women to get their assholes waxed.

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>he doesn't carefully fold the toilet paper after wiping to get a fresh side, using only half as much as the average one wipe per bunch pleb

>>79363345
Fuck the environment when it comes to how clean my asshole is!!!

>2017
>toilet paper

How backwards America really is?

>>79363503
You still shitting into a hole in the ground?

>>79363565
No, I use water to wash my asshole and a stream of warm air to gently dry it. Don't be jelly.

>>79363627
>Don't be jelly.

This went from normal to full on cringe fag already?

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>>79362442
I do it every day, 10 seconds with a rasor, nearly nothing comes off since its only been a day, no stinging issues whatsoever

people who claim it hurt probably tried to shave their pubic hair when they were a teen (the part above the dick) and have bad memories, I did it too and now I learned ball, scrotum and anus hair is totally different from pubic hair and there's no downside to shaving it. Trim the pubic ones and you're good to go.

>>79363037
Like anyone gives a rat's ass if you wax your shitcutter

>stand up
>wipe asshole/asscheek 4 times
>go near washroom
>damp toilet paper
>wipe asshole/asscheek 2 times
Finally acceptable enough.

>>79355540
I think it's because you burgers have retarded toilets where your dick can touch the water. In Europe the distance from the seat to the water is like your forearm.

>>79351980

>calling other people filthy when you stand up to wipe

>>79364168
>implying people don't look weirdly on a big hairy man walking into the local waxing salon
>implying a man doing it in a small town doesn't get looked upon as some kind of faggot when the word spreads

Sure must be nice living in California.

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>Move to Japan
>Winter time
>Toilet have heated seats
>Every single booth has two rolls always, everywhere
>Spray water on ass easily with the press of a single button
>Can control how strongly it does it
>Can even control the temperature
>Shitting used to take 30m now takes 10 at most

Feels good.

>>79356609
USA ?

>>79364580
Yeah but you guys probably have so little water in the bowl that 90% of your shit is sticking out above it and left their to stink up the place. The water gets rid of the smell.

>>79350915
Yes except burgers are 14 stones heavier

>>79350915
hollywood kikes making the deranged murderous redneck racist goy character for the trillionth time

>>79365114
Why did it take you 30 minutes to shit before? Constipation?

>>79365114
yeah but you have to bow constantly, cant own a gun, and people never tell you what they really think

>>79365211
Unless you're taking elephant dumps that instantly clogs the hole and stops anything from moving down, no.

Japanese robot-toilets>decent west-European toilet>>>American pool toilet>>>>>>>>East-German scat-fetish toilet

>>79365114
wait a sec, 30 minute shitting sessions? what was wrong with you?

>>79365366
>>79365334

Hairy ass, but I admit I used to play puzzle games while shitting and wouldn't leave until I was done with them.

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This is the most informative thread I've seen here in a long time.

>Wipe
>Wipe
>Wipe
>Spit on toliet paper
>Wipe
>Wipe
>Spit on toliet paper
>Wipe
>Wipe
>Have a quick check for berries
Fucking hell, most of my toilet time is wiping my ass.
I get payed for taking a shit for 20 minutes, thank god for developed countries.
>tfw you have to take a shit during your lunch break.

>>79365436
This is a pig-free board, infidel.

>>79352186
>That's from Big Brother isn't it?
>look at the corner
>Big Brother

I miss Big Brother magazine.

>>79360389
i know it says flushable, but don't flush those

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>don't sit on toilet seat, just the rim of the bowl
>shit
>not an obese slob, so the act of sitting on the bowl is enough to spread my asscheeks
>get two sheets of toilet paper and fold them over
>wipe ass while sitting down by pulling my balls to the left and moving my hand under to my ass
>wipe until nothing is on the paper
>get a wet wipe and wipe again
>wipe with tp last time until ass is dry
If you do not have a bidet, this is the correct way. If you do have a bidet, you don't need to wipe until after you've sprayed your ass clean.

true story, when the US president takes a dump outside of the few secure locations, they have to scrape up his shit and bring it home

>>79366152
Wouldn't it be easier for everyone if he shat in a bag?

>>79366298
well I assume they place a bag or something in the toilet because they wouldn't make him squat like some wildlife presenter

>>79361025
Not that bad desu.

>>79366152
Another fun lavatory fact: whenever the prince of wales travels somewhere they bring along a leather toilet seat that he got as a joke gift from one of the princesses.

>>79366480
Charles and Joe Biden clearly have the same dealer

>>79358869
He's clearly got pants and underwear around his ankles. Are all yuropoor blind?

>>79366557
> not Joe bidet

baka senpai one job kek

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do amerifags seriously not wash their ass first with the detected ass hose and then wipe?
how can you be comfortable with smeared shit on your ass ths whole day.

fucking disgusting

>>79366839
Americans also don't pray to Mecca three times a day. True savages these people. Allah Ackbar my european friend.

>>79366839
If I can't wipe adequately and time is sb issue. I make an ass tampon/shield, a few squares of to folded. And stuff it between the cheeks. It absorbs and saves my underwear from stains. The only downside is that I forget about it and my gf see's it, it rolls out my pant leg and when I went to jail and while changing into overalls it fell out.

>>79367130
Ed?

>>79367173
Brad?

>>79352186
THIS JUST IN!

I just nair'd my anus after reading this and it feels pretty good.
The dude is right, your fats feel, sound and smell different.
Feel smooth and quick coming out, sound like a trumpet on helium and smell a lot worse.

>>79350915
Wow, Kick-Ass sure grew up.

My asshole looks like the mansion at the end of jumanji

>>79350915
What the fuck was this guys problem?

>>79367661
Mine looks like Kuato in Total Recall.

>>79352009
No shit he's a fashion designer.

>>79367911
>911
Mine looks like ground fucking zero

>>79368973
Best thread /tv/ related in a long long time

why the hell do people clean their ass from behind, will never understand that shit.

You should clean your butt from the froont part and control the poop from going to your balls, then at the end use a wet paper and remove everything. You all retards must have what we call the "cinnamon stripe" left by years of dragging shit from your anus to your back

>>79355743

Wiping too much. I have OCD and it centers around contamination.

>>79352084
>>79351997
>>79351980
>>79355540
Yeah lol it's not like you're going to wash your hands after!

>>79356609
They are not an STD and very common, it's simply engorged blood vessels, sort of like a blister from sitting too much or shitting to much on sensitive skin.

>>79369577
>going exclusively in one direction

Have fun with leaving shit that would be removed if you went the other direction.

>>79351911
>I stand up to wipe

I literally don't know why the fuck you would ever do this.

>>79352098
clog toilets

>>79369873
I can get everuwhere from the front, I can even clean my cheeks better

>>79369889
Retardation.

>>79351651
this. such a good feel

>>79369691
how do I get rid of them?

>>79351759
>this used to be considered obese

>>79365387
so you'd just keep wiping like trying to wipe a marker? I have a hair ass too and refuse to shave it. i just take poos in the morning and shower after

>>79370008

Right now I'm treating mine with a mix of coconut oil and h-fissures oil molded into a suppository. It actually works but you have to be persistent. It also helps to take stool softeners.

Nowadays you can remove the hair from all that area, do it anon

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I don't get nekkid, but I do elevate my feet. Who here comfortable shitting?

>>79363345

I thought I was the only one to do this. Thank you, Anon.

>>79370191
All you niggas who are getting roids and shit like that from your crap diet: get one of these. It cuts way down on the straining.

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>>79370191

I do both.

>>79366893

>three times a day

Fucking casual

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>not shitting like a retarded patrician

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>>79370306
>>79363345
>think everyone does this
>someone on a tv show mentions it and gets branded a silly fool for doing it

Fucking why? It's better for nature AND cheaper since you'll need to buy less paper! I can only assume that people are always having those really thick sticky shits where you can't really do the fold without it getting nasty.

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>he doesn't make a 30m poo poo

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>>79370509
>>79370306
>>79363345
if you do this you're a disgusting piece of shit

>>79351937
>>79369889
You don't stand up straight guys. You take a wide stance with your legs, keep bent down, keep one cheek spread, and wipe. Essentially not different to what you do when sitting, you just have more room to maneuver.

/tv/ shitting threads are the best

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>>79360569
>mfw my niece and nephew thought these were wash basins for kids
>tell me they washed their hands in it
I cried with laughter

>>79370622
>my niece and nephew
pics? :)

>>79357353
Cant perma remove hair even with laser treatments, they regenerate back after some time...

Ive spent way too much time looking into it in the past because i fucking hate hair

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>go into bathroom
>see this
wat do

>>79371160

360 and walk away.

>>79371160
quietly exit as someone has put a turd baby to sleep

>>79371160
what kinda sick fuck would do that

>>79371378
Hahaha

>>79371878
/tv/

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>>79365340
>cant own a gun
AMERICANS

In 2014 there were just six gun deaths in Japan, compared to 33,599 in the US.

You feel like you need a gun in the USA because you live in a shitty crime filled country with gun-using criminals.

Civilised nations do not need guns for their citizens to feel safe.

>>79371878
use a public bathroom? I don't know, you'd have to be a maniac

>>79372066
That's not fair, they all have katana to defend themselves with. Americans only have their own guns to defend against other gunowners, and it's a lot harder to shoot a bullet out of midair than it is to deflect it with a blade

>>79372066
Yeah and in 1941 a god emperor convinced thousands of his "citizens" to fly themselves into the ground. What's your point? Brainwashing into being cucked by big government is a good thing?

>>79352070
I use to have a hairy asshole but it's really easy to rip out

>>79372308
This

>>79372308
rip out... your asshole?

>>79364904
shave it with a razor then you insecure stupid faggot

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>>79350915
Do Indians actually do this?

>>79372359
Yes try it you won't feel any pain

>>79372375
I can't even shave my face without cutting myself, I ain't putting a blade anywhere near my anus

Only political, kissless virgin and shitting threads can get +300 replies on /tv/.

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i laugh at all your pathetic methods

>see thread
>Nocturnal Animals
>my MOTY
>250+ replies
>/tv/ has finally passed its capeshit pleb phase
>can actually discuss a worthwhile movie

>100% of posts are about shitting
Back to /lit/

>>79372577
My sides

>>79372746
/lit/ is the same threads about Joyce, Camus, DFW and shitty creative writing over and over again

>>79370483
>that single battery behind the toilet

HMM

>>79352070

I used to have this problem till I started using some ass-oil to avoid shit being attached to my anus hair. The only problem were the stains it left on my pants but at least I didn't smell like shit 24/7. You should try it.

>>79355743

I live in Cuckifornia. Some niggers raped my anus on the way back home from a terrible Adam Sandler movie.

>>79362960
looks like he bleaches them

>>79359967
EVERY
FUCKING
TIME

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>go on packed thread thinking it'd be about nocturnal animals
>it's just about poop instead
thanks /tv/

>dropping a massive, probably the biggest log of a shit you ever did
>it leaves your ass absolutely clean spotless
Not many feelings come close to this pure joy.

>>79373964
>not realizing coprophilia is kino

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>restroom for men at shop isn't working
>the attendant lets me use the female restroom since there's no one in there
>go inside one of the stalls
>toilet paper covering the toilet seat
>this is the case in every single stall
>shit all over the toilet seats covered in toilet paper
>occasional bloody tampon
>finally realize what was the cause of this
>women are so retarded they think that putting toilet paper on the seat does anything at all
>secondly, some of them try to poop by hovering over the seat giving them horrible accuracy because they're absolutely terrified of touching the toilet seat with their bare ass

Fucking horrifying. Who started this stupid meme that female bathrooms are cleaner

>>79373990
>it clogs up the toilet because of how big it was so you spend the time you would wiping trying to unjam the thing

>>79367443
thanks for the info, going to try it tonight

>not a single toilet in clapistan has a bidet
>have to use baby wipes

If you got shit anywhere else on your body would you feel satisfied having wiped it up with a dry cloth?

I'm ashamed of my country

You're all fucking idiots. I'm a doctor, this is the best way to clean your ass:

>get up and slightly bend your knees
>move over a cheek and clean your asshole first
>analyze poop to see if you have to give yourself another 5-10m; if it's a lot of poop, you haven't pooped everything out yet
>clean asshole thoroughly
>on average, good practice uses 3-5 wipes
>1-2 wipes on cheeks for any residuals

Also, baby wipes are the best, but toilet paper is fine if utilized in this way.

>>79370326
You don't need a special device. Simply rest your feet on the seat.

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>>79352070

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIlfNYCSlS4

>>79375133
Yeah baby wipes are best, but I feel bad for the poor fuckers that have to remove the bus sized clogs of baby wipes/condoms/tampons/pads/coagulated oil from the sewer system so our toilets don't start erupting with shit.

I think I've only flushed wipes when I had run out of paper and they were the only thing on hand.

>>79375133
Unless you're a fucking auschwitz mode faggot, putting all your weight on the seat like that for long enough and that shit's gonna snap. Trust me.

>>79375303
I thought that YouTube thumbnail looked familiar
I haven't heard that guy in years

>>79375307
they have wipes that you can flush now though.

>>79351980
Bro micropoop is falling down your feet, pants and underwear while you squish cheek poop and has less angle of cleaning

I did it your way, sitting is better and cleans way faster. No "it feels like I'm wiping a marker" feels

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>>79350915
>2017 not having a pig toilet

>>79352070
Keep fighting anon.

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>shits that only go out halfway
>they aren't heavy enough to just fall out
>forced to clench and cut them in half or you'll be there until the heat death

not much worse than what russians do

http://desu-usergeneratedcontent.xyz/gif/image/1486/76/1486762456937.webm

I used to be terrified of taking shits in public because I didn't want other people to hear me taking a shit

>>79351759
Hes definitely sucking in

you guys are all fucking idiots

if you wipe with just toilet paper, residue and shit is still there.

use a bottle or bucket and put water in it, and wash your ahole properly. be hygienic.

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I've had hemmroids for months
Wat do?

>>79352070
>Ass-Squatch
Why am I fucking crying right now
I feel you, anon

>>79351651
I'm going to be dead on the ground laughing myself sick because of this image before the night is over

>>79379526
>tfw had a hemroid that would break every time i pooped resulting in blood and shit all caught up in my ass hair
>took 20 minutes just to clean my ass after
>struggled with this for months and it would just break open and undo any healing every shit I took no matter the size
I had to go liquid diet for 2 weeks and wait for it to heal before i started pooping again. Goodluck man.

>>79350915

Use toilets? Yes. I know the concept is foreign to you third world europoors, but we prefer it over literally shitting in the corner of our bedrooms.

shit naked to avoid getting shit particles on clothing

piss before sitting to shit to avoid self splashing


stand and wipe for maximum leverage

I can't believe people have convinced themselves that standing up to wipe is more sanitary and cleans better. You guys are so fucking stupid.

>>79350915
>there are people in this thread that sit down to take a shit

>>79354192
hahahahaha

>>79382774
Standing squeezes shit out.

Wiping will your sitting just means more shit will squeeze out when you stand.

Poop

>>79366839
I've never seen a bidet in any American bathroom

>>79373444
really makes you think

>>79350915
Yes India. We poo in loo.

Do you ever sit to piss, and the piss stream is so strong that piss comes flying out from under the toilet seat and you get piss on your underwear and pants?

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>>79384588
how tiny is your penis

>>79366839
If the bidet is useful, then why do you still need to wipe up afterwards?
Either the bidet cleans up the shit so you don't have to smear shit around or it doesn't and you're still smearing shit around, only your toilet paper is wet and coming loose

>>79370191
I tried to do the handstand method which is good for similar reasons but I can never get enough propulsion and it usually ends up making a mess.

>>79351980
I don't go in from the back. I lift my ballsack up and move it aside and wipe my asshole from the front.

>>79384588
No because my dick isn't 1 inch long

>>79384788
>>79384873
Penies aint suppose to be long all the time!

>>79376436
>No "it feels like I'm wiping a marker" feels
because you cant get as good of a clean. that shit is there, you just cant reach it. good job walking around with shit in your asshole

>>79384945
Your dick should still be a couple inches at least while flaccid dude, unless you have a baby dick.

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>>79365881
>wiping from the front and getting urine on your forearm
>wiping from the front while sitting so your hand is danger close to going in the Scheissewasser

>>79372270
americans are the most cucked and brainwashed dipshits that dont speak russian or ching chong speak. gun culture is cultivated by the gun industry.

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>>79351759
>he wears his pants up to his belly button

>>79385021
>he's not a grower

6x5.2 here, my flaccid can be as small as 1 inch

>>79386713
Yeah I feel you, same here and it's the only reason I don't go to nudist beaches.

>>79386373
It was the norm before 2000

>>79373444
>not plugging your anus with a battery to prevent leakage

>>79369577
>cinnamon stripe
I love it when a girl has it