NO SINGLES POLICY IT IS HAPPENING

Beta uprising soon

>>79312936
>bans is in quotes

don't even have to read it, this is a publicity stunt

>Stopping Fifty Shades Darker from making some money.

Will the cinema die a hero?

I have literally never seen anyone go to a movie alone though, why would they even need to add a rule like that?

>no singles policy is real

>>79312981
It's on Drudgereport

It is happening

>>79312936
any guy that would go see that shit alone should commit suicide anyway

>>79312936
>doesn't post the link so people are even more inclined not to bother reading the article

Some anon posted it earlier. The whole thing is a joke cause the owner or whatever was acting like women are going to be extremely turned on the whole time and he doesn't want people fucking all over the place.

No Singles policy is already a thing here. Has been for years.

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>>79313025
F-Fucking normie leave ree

>>79312936
To avoid men being raped by bored but horny 40-somethings.

>>79313319

Might not be so bad.

>>79313319
>dakota johnson is attractive

kek

women's hormones?

>be man
>go to see 50 shades darker
>get raped by horny housewives who are all frothing at the gash

I'm game

>>79313361
>implying housewives would go alone and they're partner wouldn't jump at the chance to finally have sex again after years of nothing

>>79313378

>implying it's not 5 of them for a girls night out while the hubbies watch the kids. They've been drinking their rose all night too.

>>79313328
But then you'd be doing it wrong.

>>79313393
>"hey girls lets fuck this beta loser who came to the cinema alone to watch an ero chick flick instead of fucking a real man that can juggle a job, watch the kids and give me screaming orgasm"

I really want to live in your tripfag world.

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>>79313025
i literally go to movies alone every damn time, since at least 6 years. RREEEEEE

didn't these movies flop horribly

>Media made a big deal last time, of like a dozen women around the entire world while watching FSoG
>That's no more then usual

People get arrested, expelled for doing inappropriate shit for every god damn film doesn't matter if its erotic or not

>>79312936
women are disgusting and dangerous, they have the body that starts wars and the mind of a child

Call me when the penis inspection kicks in

>>79312936
You still trust a British tabloid? That's like citing the National Enquirer. It is to laugh.

>>79313470
>implying erotic film

>>79312936
>NO SINGLES POLICY
CINEMA FALCONS WHEN?

Why the fuck would anyone even want to see 50 shades darker by themselves?

>>79312936
God Holywood is so fucking corrupt. Kill the entire industry.

>>79313457
No they made a shit load of cash.

>>79313520
It's erotic to women. Then again women are inherently sluts that lie about their sexual tastes.

>>79312936
they should have put "men" in quotations because any person with a penis that wants to see this movie is a fag

>>79313535
Hollywood isnt in charge of NSP. It's up to the theater to decide if it is implemented and enforced.

>>79312936
FUCK U DRUMPF JUST FUCK YOU

MEME MAGIC

falcons and crab legs when

>>79312936
>warns over women's hormones
>bans single men
Obviously they're just cockblocking men who figured out the code.

>>79312936
"The 'tongue in cheek' message was recorded on the phone listings for the Diamond Cinema in Navan, Ireland."

Op confirmed for not actually reading the fucking articles he's linking to.

>>79313537
im actually surprised by that i didn't figure a bunch of housewives and single mothers would go out and watch this when they could just wait for it to get on netflix

>>79312936
First they came for the erotica loners, and I said nothing, for I was not an erotica loner.

Then they came for the capeshit loners, and I said nothing for I was not a capeshit loner.

Then they came for the kino loners, and there was no one left to speak for me.

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REV UP THOSE FALCONS BOIS

>>79313928
>Then they came for the kino loners
>and there was no one left to speak for me.
Kino losers never interact with each other anyway.

>>79313841
Easier to find preys if you go the theatre.

>>79312936

What single man in their right mind would go watch this shit anyway? saving me the trouble lol.

>>79313025

That's cause most anons here drag their parents along for the ride.

I don't get why pervert guys don't go to this and sit in the back to watch girls schlick their beans

Then pick them up after for easy fuck

redpill me on why a single man would go watch a soft-core mommy porno

>>79314134

To bag some horny mommies who don't get it from their husbands.

>>79313025
I saw it when I was at Hacksaw Ridge with my parents. Some loser dweeb was there on his own.

>>79314134
He's reviewing the movie.

>>79313434
You don't seem understand hormones, anon.

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>Be me
>Go to the local Kinothique to see the new flick, "Fifty Shades Darker Than the Boote's Void"
>The theater has upped its garrison of Kino-Centurions in preparation for the film's release
>All singles and virgins will be crucified on sight
>Suddenly I hear loud screeching and shouts in the distance
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GIVE ME CUMMIES MOMMY"
>Hundreds of NEETS from all around the designated metropolis zona swarm the gates of the Kinothique
>I slip in as the Kino-Centurions engage the virgins outside
>Buy myself a popcorn and soda for the discounted price of 75 dollars
>With a shine of mischief in his eyes, the cashier hands me a large bottle of viagra pills instead of the usual 9mm handgun.
>I thank him, and enter my designated theachtre
>The room is pitch black, and permeated with the thick smell of musk and estrogen.
>I enter, every seat is filled with an ovulating housewife
>They all stare at me with looks of intense lust.
>12 hours later, I awake among piles of bodies in front of the Kinothique
>Falcons are flying above and feasting on the corpses of virgins and Kino-Centurions alike.

>>79313025
I go with my Dad. It's comfy. Also I have no friends.

>>79314212
Damn, that's one devious ploy to get a better rotten tomatoes score.

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>>79313025
This
99% of the time a new movie comes out at least one of my friends wants to go see it. The other 1% I just got with my little sister.

>>79312936
our memes our too powerful

>>79312936
wtf Trump do something about this betashaming

Fucking kikes

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>>79312936
>Mirror
even The Sun is more trustworthy

Might as well just make rape legal. I mean every woman has a rape fantasy and wants to be chained up and brutally abused and fucked senseless.

Just make it legal.

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If you're over the age of 20 and still a virgin, you should consider killing yourself you genetic fucking failure.

Whoa whoa what did he mean by this?

>>79313025

i live in a metropolitan city centre and its like a 5-10 min walk for the cinema so i go when im bored

>>79313025
I go wearing a suit and carrying a notepad so people mistake me for a critic.

>>79315946
Or you could just go buy a hooker/escort, lose it, and then go on with your life.

>>79315946
>that webm
literally me -balding -fat +relatively good looking

>>79315989
kek

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>tfw I can FINALLY bring my anvil to the cinema

>>79316008
Paying a prostitute doesn't count as losing your virginity.

>>79312936
Is this meme magic?

>>79313451
What happened 6 years ago, anon? Its ok, you can tell me.

>>79314527
>no shooting
I hope you got your money back

>>79316069
No, sticking your dick in a vagina does.

Oh I guess that is the entire purpose of whores, how about that.

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>>79312936

Like there's a single man out there who's going to watch this piece of shit. It's all wimmin.

Well shit there goes my weekend plans.

>>79313457
In terme of marketing their is two target.
Women and children.
The only shit that's good to target men with are cars

dubs and i get a gf this year

>>79316504
better luck next year :c

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Just saw Dakota Johnson's tits in A Bigger Splash, not impressed desu

>>79312936
So a gay man can't go enjoy some softcore family friendly R-rated BDSM?

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Reminder that the author for these books is a literal cow that got to milk her shitty fanfics.

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>>79313361
>frothing at the gash

>>79316633
>jealousy

Yet again a movie you faggots wouldnt have even cared about has a """news""" article made about it so now you pretend to care.

>>79316695
Viral marketing at its finest. Did anyone ever watch the first movie? Me and my lady are into bondage stuff and it sounded tame as hell, we made fun of it but we never actually watched it.

Will thye start banning falcons now?

>>79314502
Neither do you. If you ain't a chad you got no chance

What the fuck is this policy, isn't that hurting their business?

>>79313025
It was only me and two other people in the theater when I went to go see Hobo with a Shotgun. I enjoyed the movie.

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>live within half a mile of a large cinema
>too afraid to go alone
>22 yo kissless virgin

not even a falcon could save me from this nightmare

>>79317218
Man, being social isn't a psychic ability people are born with, it's a skill that develops over time. Just put yourself out there more and take any insult someone gives you as constructive criticism

>>79312936
>ban singles
>nothing about the theater falcon loophole
Fucking retards

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>>79312936

I don't get this no singles thing, just in general. Is it just an american thing? Why would cinemas implement such a policy?

I go to the cinema alone all the time to see films, it seems really strange to me. Or maybe I'm autistic and it's just a meme I'm unaware of.

>>79318045
>and take any insult someone gives you as constructive criticism
>failed last penis inspection

What do?

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its spreading

>wanting to go the cinema

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>>79312936
>mfw last time i went to a cinema it was 2011
heh, this won't be a problem for me even if it becomes a thing

I went to the cinema by myself three times this week, if they ever enforced a no singles policy they would lose a very good customer

Just say your gender is undefined, or dcall the doorman a muh-soggy-knees.

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>>79313025
Leave

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>>79313457
Budget $40 million[2]
Box office $571 million[2]

Kek

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>>79312936
Cinema falcons when?

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>>79316633
Is that Dakota Johnson?

>>79313053
Pick one

>>79312936
Many great directors went and saw movies by themselves because yes they weren't normie chads who had girlfriends or cliques to watch silent films or grindhouse or Doris Day musicals fo r the umpteenth time with them. Think about it. Modern cinema wouldn't exist without neckbeard losers and their falcons.

>>79312936
Ban single women too. Equality.

I fucking hate women.

>>79312936
IT'S HAPPENING

>>79320784
Really? Thanks, anon

>Christian Grey
>Anastasia Steele

>>79312977
It would be interesting if a beta solidarity movement did take place.

>>79313025
Watching a movie isn't a social experience.

>>79313354
She's probably better looking than anyone you've ever been with.

>>79313434
Anon, with most women, horny is a frame of mind. Once the moment passes, they're as dead as a doorpost down there.

>>79321139
This.

I have friends.

the friends I have are retards, good enough retards to be friends but I just know they wouldn't be able to sit through a movie and enjoy it. so I go with my parents, as they seem to enjoy movies at least

should I give my friends a shot so I can ascend from being a loser?

>>79315955
I do this. It's comfykino desu.

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>>79321104
Handsome Fuckman

Author Girlcharacter

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>thread about cinema policies
>idiot redditors start flooding the thread with unfunny 'lel anvil lel falcons' shit
every time, just stop

>Working at Target during 2012.
>Every other woman walks out with some combination of 50 Shades, Magic Mike, or wine
That was the year I lost respect for women.

>>79316690
You're damn right I'm jealous. How come I can't make millions off my furry vore erotica?

>>79321189
>I have friends.
>
>the friends I have are retards
That reddit spacing, that reddit full stop, that reddit condescendence

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>we don't want your money

>>79312936
It's only for this movie, due to the sexual nature. They don't want single men jerking off in the theater.

>>79321252
Because there is still at least some amount of good in this world.

>>79312936
>UK

and i dont care

t. au

>>79321268
you sound obsessed :) you should give reddit a go, friend

Will women really be masturbating in the cinema or is this just fantasy for you guys?

>>79321299
>Meanwhile theaters nationwide find a mysterious epidemic of cucumbers appearing in their trash cans

'm taking my wife's daughter. What can we expect?

>>79321355
>>79321299
Checked

>It's the men you have to worry about

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/weird-news/fifty-shades-grey-fan-arrested-5204883

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DON'T WORRY LADS I GOT YOU COVERED

>>79321396
What would the men be jerking off to? The awful tame sex scenes?

>>79312936
>no more autists in theaters
>no more theater shootings
Is this policy dare I say it, /our guy/?

>>79321412
They'd be jerking off to the women masturbating to those scenes.

And that just crosses the line.

>>79321357
I never said the ban didn't make sense, but women are seen as little angels, whilst men are seen as deviants. In the modern world, it's the opposite. Besides, Men won't pay ten bucks to see soft core porn when they can see hard core porn for free at home.

>>79321412
Men use real porn. This ban is dumb

>>79321430
What a ridiculous double standard.

>shit movie theater already hurting for cash because nobody goes to movies anymore
>decides to ban potential profit

>not hiring a craigslist hooker to be your movie date
come on now

>>79321507
>paying for a hooker to go on a date with you

Even I'm not that pathetic and I regularly go to brothels.

BY "SINGLE MEN" THEY MEANT MEN WITHOUT SPOUSES

NOT MEN GOING TO THE CINEMA ALONE

>>79312936
Are you guys fucking retarded??

Identify as a woman for the day; problem solved.

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>>79315989

holy shit

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>>79312936
at least we'll all get state issued gfs in the near future

>>79321355
Ppl posted pics of cucumbers n shit that were left in the theater after the movie. So yes, they will.

Holy fuck ive just had an idea
What if i look up the times this movie plays, and then when it ends i hang out outside of the theather and try to score with horny intoxicated women.

this should work right?? i could genuinely lose my virginity this way i think.

>>79312936
>>79313234
What about gay men? They probably eat this shit up.

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>can only get off to JOI porn where the woman calls me "little boy"
>99.9% of women hate being dominant in the bedroom

>>79312936
Pretty sure this is illegal in bongland

>>79323002
Worth a try man. You can say you were here to meet up with people but they didnt show up or something, and now you arent interested in seeing a movie now.

>>79313025

Go see a horror movie at like 6pm on a tuesday, there's single women all over the place.

I've chatted up plenty of them and gotten dates that way. I mean, since you're at a cinema you can talk about movies and if it's clear that either of you aren't into the other you can just shush each other when the movie starts. And if you're into each other you can keep talking low if there aren't a lot of people at the screening. Since it's just a horror movie, the plot won't be complicated and the movie won't really be that good anyways.

>He doesn't just sew a human sized doll to his side, rusing the normies into thinking you have a date.

>>79312936
Me? I'd ban crab legs

>>79312936
Why would a single man go see that garbage in the first place?

>>79314527
Wasn't there a no singles policy?

>>79312936
>fifty shades of grey
exposing women one book at a time

>>79315989
>>79322800
Incase you needed any more confirmation that most of this board arrived within the last year.

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>>79313025
go kill yourself

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>>79321248
Target isn't so bad.

>>79313025
So this is why I kept getting weird looks. I fucking hate existence.

>>79321139
You know it is.

>>79321252
Are you marketing it to females? Reminder that women made a bdsm twilight fanfic a best seller.

>>79312936
Like this shit will even be in theaters.

But clearly (((Hollywood))) is getting ideas from here.

How did this turd become so popular?

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>>79312936

>>79319011
>he goes to the movies without his parents

yeah okay anon

>go to cinema with people
>ok
>go to cinema alone
>have a great time
Idk senpai what's so wrong with going alone to watch a dumb movie?
Maybe because I'm not american but theaters would do anything to sell a ticket these days on any day that isn't saturday.

>>79323890
Don't fall for the memes.

>>79312936

>implying I wanted to see that movie

Why is society so hysterical over le dangerous NEET loser beta male? Most of the population gets more in government spending than they pay in taxes and most of the population is liberal and against bigotry.

>>79323890
Maybe in America,in Europe no one gives a shit.

People think /tv/ is kidding. When have we ever been wrong?

>>79322844
I guess i'm a Corbyn Commrade now.

>>79315805
Can I borrow your little sister to see movies with?
I won't molest her much.

>>79324684
Yes they do

Be careful of what you meme, /tv/.

>>79317085
Preferably to lose millions of dosh than losing one life.

>>79313025

Nice meme you got there

>>79321442
>Says it in a board were people fap to non-nude celebrity pics.

>>79324895
You guys don't actually believe any of this do you?

This shitty movie will probably never see a theater, and this whole thing was drummed up so they could have that headline.

It's literal nonsense, and a clear psyop.

>>79312936
why the fuck would any man go see that by himself anyway?

>>79312936
Public stunt....
/tv/ reposts....
there is no hope to this place anymore.

>>79325090
fucking >>>/x/ you retard

>>79325123
Please. It's literally what this is


Do you really think this movie is anything other than a straight to video no budget hackfest?

How gullible are some of you?

All of my best cinema experiences have been occasions where I've seen films alone.
My fondest cinematic memory was seeing Sion Sono's Cold Fish in a tiny independent screen (about 20 seats total) on my own.

The only other people there were a group of 2 or 3, who sat behind me and were basically silent through the whole thing. It felt like I had my dream home cinema set-up.

>>79324649
Its women, men really dont care about lone wolf school shooters, but women use the school shooter meme to rationalize why they treat "creepy" no I mean ugly men like complete shit. Women are fucking awful people.

>>79316504
dubs and i lose my virginity this year

>>79313457
The first one did really well despite getting critically thrashed, I'm anticipating that this one won't do nearly as well. People just don't give as much of a shit anymore.

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>>79326034

I think it's a good idea, ever since the Dark Knight shooting, people just don't feel comfortable with lone creeps in the cinema

>>79326162
This.
They stick out more also, it's just human nature.

>>79312936
>tfw having to convince mommy to go with me

>>79313025
I go alone all the time. My buddy is terrified of getting shot in a kinoplex and doesnt want to be found dead with me in a Happy Madison or Sony movie.

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>>79314552
are you me?

>>79319716
sweety feet

>>79319218
2006 for me

>>79315931
All British newspapers are shit.

Probably all newspapers everywhere actually

>>79315989
lefuckinl

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>>79326516
>All British newspapers are shit.
nope

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>>79326635

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>>79326635
>The Diana Express

>>79323162
sure you have

>h...hey this is pretty scary right? want to go out sometime?

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>>79313025
i watched lego batman alone

>>79326788

You might want to stop projecting anon. Talking to strange girls in public is pretty easy once you realize that if you fuck it up you won't be more alone than you already are.

Also, if things work out, you don't really ask for dates, you just tell them after the movie is done that you feel like having a slice and if they feel like joining you. If they say no, just go an order a slice by yourself and contemplate.

>>79313025
Kek

>>79315946
Who the fuck put a camera in my house

>>79319753
>Cinema falcons
I am unfamiliar with this. Please enlighten me.

>>79321403
Lost at the fake conversation