>go to cinema >they ask for my other kidney too

>go to cinema
>I scratch my butthole and sniff my fings after

>go to cinema
>nachos are served on a chip by chip basis and the cheese is located in a trough underneath the screen
>only way I can eat nachos now tbph

>>79039139
Same here my man

>and your other dubs

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>>79038895
>go to cinema
>need blood of a virgin
>use my own

>>79039318
Can I barrow some blood?

>go to cinema to see hacksaw ridge
>ticket jockey tells me my kino license has expired
>need to pay them $56 and write a ten page essay about why Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: Road Chip was the best film of the trilogy
>turn in the essay and barely pass, now I have to take my film watching test
>have to watch the entire star wars prequel trilogy and then reenact it in front of a panel of judges
>just barely survive the reenactment, almost beef the amadala parts
>get my kino license and take it to the ticket booth triumphantly
>"one ticket for hacksaw ridge please!"
>"may I see your kino license?"
>I hand him my license
>"sir, this isn't a kino license, this is a flick license, I'm afraid all you're permitted to see is Bye Bye Man. We're going to have to detain you for attempting to see kino with insufficient clearance"
>cinema security sneaks up and tazes me in the neck
>get dragged off to the holding cell for three days

Not sure if movies are worth it at this point desu

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>go to cinema
>its my turn to babysit the nursery
>forgot my milk bottles at home
>have to use my own breasts for all 30 of the thirsty babies

>go to cinema
>sit in the back and browse /e/ on my phone
>jack it and cum in my hand
>wipe it on the ticket girl as I leave
Can't watch a film any other way

>go to /tv/
>cancerous underage frogposters

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>>79039516
What??? No way!!

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>>79038895
>go to cinema
>pass the hedge maze by using string
>get through the american gladiators course with my government issued jetpack
>reach the toll booth
>"Where is your girlfriend, sir?"
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

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>tfw my cinema only lets men above 6ft enter
>it's great at first
>then I realize I live around a bunch of mexicans
>cinema closes down because not enough people meet the criteria to keep them in business

Nothing good lasts forever

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>go to cinema

>>79038895
Do you live in Albania

>>79039516
>>79039545
>tfw to stupid too shitpost

>>79039318
>go to cinema
>order a cake of light
>it's made with animal blood instead of period blood

Whats even the point?

>>79039699
Sucks to be you bra

>>79039421
kek

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>go to frogposting thread
>have a few laughs
>only 19 posts long
>tfw to uncreative 2 think of anything original
>bookmark thread and check back in an hour

>>79039421
I kekked, is this pasta?

>>79039824
just wing it
go on, do it

We know you have kino inside you, waiting to be free

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>>79039421
Man I love these threads

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>>79039824
just bee urself

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>>79039824
>>go to frogposting thread
Dumb frogposter.

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>be 5'9
>my sparrow, Arthur, drops me off on the roof of the cinema and I sneak in through an airduct
>make it to Patriots Day on time, find a seat
>qt girl comes up and says she reserved that seat, waves her ticket in my face and then sits on me
>don't get to see based Mark whack some Chechen shits

>go to see Manchester by the Sea
>use the automated teller to avoid having to make eye contact with a real life person
>machine takes my card and wont give it back
>get so anxious at the thought of trying to explain to an employee my dilemma i just leave instead

true story

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>>79039591
>tfw lost my gf to the mazepeople a few months ago
>too afraid to enter again because of cannibalism rumors among the mazetribes
>can only go to the overcrowded flick caves instead of the kino halls
>have to sit near the feces pits at the back of the cave because of the NOSP safety rules
>smells really bad but at least I can eat the salmon I caught at the cinema pond without anyone complaining
>salute the reelmaster at the end of the flick and give him a wink
>get thrown out for offensive behaviour and have to work in the popcorn mines for a week

8/10 movie experience desu. Already hyped for next weeks flickonarium special

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>Be american
>Go to the cinema
>Popcorn wasn't greasy and smelly
>Didn't get shot
>People didn't make questions about the plot while the movie was going on
>No one was jerking off
>People didn't clap at the end of the film


What the fuck, I thought this was America. Why do I even pay taxes for?

>>79040558
>he didn't get shot
>he didn't complain to The American Bureau of Kino and Gun Control

How long ago was this? If you're the first one to complain about that theater and have proof (movie ticket and no gunshot wounds) they normally fire the shooter for slacking off and offer you the position on the ground that you don't make it into a federal case.

Kino gunman is a very hard job to get and you probably missed your opportunity.

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>>79040558
>>79040880

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>>79039139
Your trough is under the screen? My local kinoplex serves the cheese in the showers. It really is a poor method, the cheese gets wet and soggy.

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>go to cinema
>they ask if YIFY is okay

>>79039421
top kek
top thread

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>go to cinema
>barely pass penis inspection, owner is mexican so he counts the foreskin and lets me slide
>6 months of not too bad service, complimentary poncho's are actually pretty good quality and can be used for more than secret wanking
>month 7, owner gets bought out by jews
>mfw
>sure enough they enact a circumcision policy
>don't even bother with renewing my license
>3 months later see Hacksaw Ridge is out, can't stand being the only person that hasn't seen it so I work up the courage to try and get my license renewed
>pass the falconry test no problem
>pass basic flick, movie, and kino identification
>american gladiator gauntlet test is replaced with something called "oven dodging", scared at first but it turns out all you have to do is come up with a name change for Maury Steinbergstein
>I choose John Whiteman and pass with flying colors
>Finally get to penis inspection and sweating bullets since I just went to regular white doctor, hoping the extra chubbing I did looking at pics of Mel Gibson will pay off
>inspector pulls out measuring tape, heart hammering in chest
>"Oy Vey! You pass with 2 extra inches!"
>turns out they reduced the minimum passing length to 4 inches
>all is well and good until last week
>cinematorium has changed owners again
>mfw they're black