>go to cinema >the theater gong is broken

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sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

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>>79005878
>theater only allows you to ring the gong on your birthday
>even then, only allowed one ring per person

I fucking hate AMC.

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>go to cinema
>the theater gong repairman's falcon starts nibbling on my crablegs

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>tfw waterslide to the kino grotto is closed since the last mass shooting
>have to climb down the cliffs without a safety rope because ropes are banned in my cineplex

gonna cancel my PremiumCinepass™ membership desu

Broken, repairman... in what turd world countries do you fags cinema?
In my country you can even go for the gong during trailers and nobody will give a fuck.

>got my singles pass revoked because i'm only 5'11
>have to get a girlfriend now
rip

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>>79006166
At my cinema manlets can rent pic-related.

>>79006233
unfortunately you can't rent singles passes.

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>one anvil
>have to wait for my turn

>>79005878
>go to kinomatorium
>its all disgusting white cis men

>no singles policy
>crab legs
>falcons
>anvils
>showers
>gongs apparently
what else is there

>>79005943
How did you write that?

Smh desu senpai

>>79006233
>You will never sit on Elsa's face

>>79006365
Don't be ignorant
This is a hundred year old tradition

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>show up to cinema, stand in line, huge lineups because it's Rogue One opening night
>guy in front of me starts arguing with the cashier about his right to carry, takes his shotgun out and tries to blast the ticket-taker bulletproof glass but it ricochets and kills him
>fucking pleb didn't know this theatre's had like fifteen mass shootings since march
>have to wait because he starts arguing with the ambulance about how he doesn't have obamacare, the ambulance takes him to the nearest mcdonalds
>finally get my ticket
>"Sir, you *ARE* aware of our no singles policy, right?"
>"yeah yeah yeah, they're just inside, they got inside when that guy shot the glass, must've just missed them"
>ticket cashier gives me a look but lets me in
>guards stare at me as I go work in the butter mines to get my Combo #14
>running late, fuck
>finally get into Rogue One
>sit down
>it's the fucking ending
>too tired to stand up at the end and clap at Darth Vader and CGI Leia like I should
>some four-year old starts climbing on my seat and jumping on me and waving around a lightsaber
>he says "MOOOOOM!!!! THIS MAN DIDN'T CLAP FOR LIGHTSABERS!"
>i try to shoo the kid away
>mom sees me, calls me a child molester
>security comes
>sees I don't have any friends with me
>arrests me and throws me in a private prison
>i'm worth 500 sheckels so that means they keep me for 20 years
>they don't show marvel flicks at the prison, only DC
>other inmates don't even understand Christ metaphors

kill me

utter mines

>>79006417
sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

magic!

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>>79006455
>the ambulance takes him to the nearest mcdonalds

kek

>>79006365
I heard most places banned falcons

>Go to the kinoplex
>Theater shooter is late
>When he finally arrives, he has a Taurus and it jams before he can wound more than a couple people
>He is booed and pelted with crab legs
Should I ask for a refund?

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>>79005878
>tfw theater has singles policy
>it's good though since I got doubles

Check em

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>>79005878
>my birthday
>gonna celebrate it at the cinema shootout complex
>mom has promised me that the shooter will single me out for my birthday
>he didn't even notice me and then the police arrived and shot him

>>79006515
>sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

nigger

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>when someone doesn't understand the story they press their ipad chairs which pauses the movie and forces everyone to watch a 10 miniye youtube clip made by WatchMojo telling us exactly what the scene is abouy

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>>79006818
"I'm sorry sir you appear to be alone. This is a strictly No Singles establishment. Please will you come with me."

>>79005943
>sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m
sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

>>79005943
WTF IS THE FILTER GONE?

baka desu senpai

>>79006914
MCNULTY YOU PIECE OF SHIT

>watching The Revenant in theater
>the nursery is full so all the mothers with children are in the theater too
>chair votes are tallied and the result is 50 in favor of switching the movie with only me opposing
>they choose to switch it to Frozen
If I hadn't paid a lifetime membership for the stables there I would walk out so fast

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>tfw missed my local kinohole's limited time offer of a free helium tank and mask with each large soda purchase
>next scheduled shooting is 2 months away

>>79005878
>its gong day at local cinema
>sit on my kino-hammock suddenly flashing lights, siren noises, confetti and streamers
>*gulps*
>i have won the gong lottery
>cinema is packed
>start my walk up to the stage, past the anvil stalls and crablegs merchants
>get on the stage with this nice gril (she reminds me of my mother when she was young and purdy)
>smiles at me with utter disgust, my hands are sweaty
>she has the gong all set up already
>we wait for a falcon to fly in with the mallet as per local tradition.
>30 secs go past (they feel like 30 mins)
>still no falcon
>gril whispers in my ear ''fatso, where is your falcon?''
>suddenly realize my falcon is having her nails manicured and trimmed (gotta treat them like a princess)
>*REEEEEEE* let out my falconers call
>bitch comes flying in, rips the head of cute gril with her freshly sharpened talons, her decapitated head slams into bong, lights go down, movie starts.
>*POLITE APPLAUSE*

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>popcorn pelican is on strike

>go to kineplex with my beaver
>the concessions stand is all out of leaves and sticks
>tell my little guy that he'll have to hold out until dinner but i'll give him some extra
>halfway into hidden figures (crossing off my monthly required socjus flique early)
>communal theatre maple tree falls over, crushing 3 moviegoers and going through the screen
>turns out my beaver got hungry and started nibbling the tree
>didn't get into trouble because the 3 people who died were up front in the section where undesirables who refuse an ice shower (usually immigrants) sit
Such is life in Canada.

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>go to cinema
>showers are full
>break into wagecuck's closet and steal their clenaing materials
who /mischief/ here?

>Go to cinema
>Usher catches me sitting by myself, being an inch shy of 6'1, wearing a jacket recently purchased from Jiniy and van sneakers
>Pulls out his piece and tells me to drop to the ground
>too edgy to drop, too beta to try and unarm him
>Locked in perpetual stand off
>Spend the next two and a half hours trying to piece together the movie from the 480p rip reflecting off the usher's aviators and the loud ebonical honks coming from the gentleman behind me.

honestly might stop going.

Friendly reminder to tip your theatre shooter or they'll spit on your bullets.

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>>79005878
>get caught sneaking in sweets
>have to work the snack bar stand until I've paid off my debt to society
>particularly slow day at the movies
>can't sell enough cinema brand popcorn to pay for the £150 fine I got for the bag of skittles I brought in
>spend the next 3 weeks in the cinema's privately owned jail

>>79006956
sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

pleb!

>>79007050
chuckled

>>79007327
sm͏h tb͏h fa͏m

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>decide to go watch the new flick, zootopia
>only 5'11 and three quarters so i have to bring my pet falcon
>get there, leave her on the cineplex™ perch while i get ready to watch (she doesnt like the sauna)
>come back 2 hours later and some stupid fat soccer mom bitch is feeding her crab legs
>shes on a strict no cholesterol diet
>start REEEEing at her, the ticket ripper points the cineplex™'s mounted M60E4 at me and asks me to leave
>turns out zootopia got suicide bombed anyways and only had a 98 on rottentomatoes

nice reddit maymay

What if movies were like church? Like a big procession down the isle with incense burners swinging, people standing and singing "Let's All Go To The Lobby" solemnly in half time.

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fuck you you fucking frog you betrayed me

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>>79006007
>He doesn't buy extra for falconsharing

It's basic etiquette anon...

>>79007097
Holy fuck

>local kinotorium goes out of business
>flickhut still around
>Oh well, I can finally watch la la land
>No gong
>"""Anvil""" made of clay
>Bring your own clams???
>No bird pedigree restrictions
>Penis inspections performed mid show
>Designated shooters showed up drunk
>Barely a flesh wound

It was barbaric, is this a European thing?

Anybody else fascinated by /tv/ culture?

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>Go to see La La Land
>Theater metro is late
>Get to theater, detach penis pump and throw into the trash
>Barely pass penis inspection at the ticket taker
>Get into theater courtyard
>It's protest night
>Not wearing my "Fuck Trump" shirt
>Forgot my "not my president" hat
>Fuckme.jpg
>Try to sneak past, but they see me
>Thrown into cultural enrichment pit
>Theater Bull is asleep, have to wait for BBC insemination
>Finally let out of pit, rush to theater
>Crab legs vendors using facial recognition
>Start loudspeakering my search history until I buy a combo plate
>Seat given to a refugee, have to sit in Theatre Yard
>Movie ends and Gosling isn't even with Stone, wtf

At least I got to watch the newsreel

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>>79010070
fucking kek

>>79006689
After the great falcon beta massacre of 2015 yeah. The Falcons just swooped in on hundreds of manlet beta males and picked their eyes out. So they banned beta males and falcons. Hence the no singles allowed policy, enforced by Knights with miniature apache helicolters.

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>go to cinema
>Mom backs out of pretending to be my girlfriend so I can get in to watch A Dog's Purpose
>Get kicked out for being single.

Why even fucking live?

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>theatre in California doesn't accept my kinologist license because it's from "Alabummer"
>won't give me tickets to TDKR

Fuck you smug fucks.

>>79006365
Watchtowers
Designated cinema shooter
Penis inspection
Dance intermission

this entire thread is just making me baka desu senpai

>>79006090
Such is life in ancap paradise

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>log into 4chan
>OP posts a topic with a frog meme

>>79010343

>Log into 4chan
>faggot posts a dead cat meme in a superior frog meme thread

You should just kill yourself tbqhwyfam

>>79007097
KEK

>>79009855
Astonished

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>go to visit friend in the UK
>decide to go to the local theater
>all American made movies playing with all American actors
>so much for British culture
>before kino airs, PSA comes on telling all kino goers to face Mecca and begin daily prayer to Allah
>entire audience except me bows and begins prayer
>friend is frantically tugging on my pants practically begging me to get down an pray
>tell him no, I'm American and only bow before my American God, not some heathen false deity
>Queen's guard bursts in and arrest me for being intolerant towards other cultures
>as I'm in the dungeons they search my hotel room for dangerous weapons like spoons
>a tooth brush is found
>never having seen one before the Brits assume it's a magic wand
>get put on a train to Azkaban with other criminal "wizards"
>train doesn't go anywhere, just crashes off cliff into the ocean
>use my superior American genetics to swim home
>mfw

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>stop by the gift shop on my way out to get a printed picture of me enjoying the movie
>they forgot to put film in the camera
>I scream at them and knock over a postcard stand when finally they offer me a free action figure and apologize for the inconvenience

>>79009855
4chan culture as a whole. I really don't know what I'd do if this place gets shut down

>>79005943
what does baka mean?

>>79010773
śmh*

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>go to theatre
>pay for tickets to see "La La Land"
>sit on aisle seat
>sniff everyone's butts as they walk past me
>mumble things like "mmmm exquisite" when I sniff attractive girl's butts
>get kicked out halfway through for masturbating

Fucking Cineworld

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>>79010511
>go to American theatre
>buy some popcorn
>total is $36.50 plus mandatory 20% tip and 40% tax
>go into theater
>get shot by masked gunman before previews even end
>quietly sing God Save the Queen to myself as I slowly die in the ambulance
>last thing I hear is the paramedics demanding the ambulance payment up front plus tip
>mfw

>>79010511
kek'd

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what is this meme called?
I like this meme

Gordon Ramsay came to my theater and showed them how to make proper popcorn and soda. Thank you Ramsay!