Jizz Suckmenn

>>78994567
This is a guy who wrote a book that literally just has the names of movies he likes to watch, and also cried on camera when people called him out about his lame BvS re-write. What do you expect from someone like that?

>>78994599
What's funny about the book is it's literally a list of films everyone should see before they die, but it's just a list of common films literally every man and his dog has seen at some stage, whether they are avid movie goers or not

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>>78994599

>Cuckmann turned his hobby into something viable
>you can't watch movies without your dad coming in your room asking when his 25 year old son is going to move out and get a job

stay salty

I dreamt of Chris last night
Yes, it finally happened, I had the Stuckmann-dream
I'm now fully Stuckmannized
Like a spider inside my dream he came into my room and pinned me down with his strong arms
I tried to fight him but he came inside me
He filled me up and I became the Stuckmann
It's just two men sharing the night
It might seem wrong but it's just right
It's just two men sharing each other
It's just two men like loving brothers
One on top and one on bottom
One inside and one is out
One is screaming he's so happy
The other's screaming a passionate shout

>>78994567
Chris has, as he would say, 'Stuckmannized' me twice in the past. I used to be a really big fan and got to talking to him on Twitter. He even invited me over to his a couple of times XD!! On the first occasion, his wife was away at the Toronto film festival and he invited me over to watch the entire Nolan stretch of Batman films. Well, in Batman Begins, at the point where the Joffrey kid turns to Batman and tells him, "the other kids won't believe me", Chris paused the bluray and told me that the other kids wouldn't believe me either. He left the room, and when he returned he was wearing a poor imitation of Ryan Goslings outift in Drive and he proceeded to rape me for five minutes. He was constantly chattering about how it would only be 5 minutes and that there was no way it could go in or outside of that time. After the 5 minutes were up, I wiggled out from underneath him and ran crying from his house. He screamed after me that he, "didn't have wheels on his dick", whatever that meant. The second time happened a couple of weeks later, he invited me over to finish watching the movies. At the point in the aeroplane in TDKR, he again paused the film and left the room. When he returned, he was dressed as Bane, complete with fake muscles. He stood over me and asked me if he was a, "Big Guy". I realised i was dealing with a psychopath at this point so I told him I thought he was a big guy. He hit me across the face and asked, "But am i a Big Guy for you?”. He motioned towards his dick, which he constantly referred to as “Zod’s snapped neck”, and told me to tell it to Zod’s snapped neck. I told his penis that he was a big guy for me, and he flipped me over and started taking me from behind, constantly moaning in a crude imitation of Hardy's Bane. And he was a good friend.

>>78994628
w-woah man, that's a bit much

>>78994567
>Jizz Suckmenn
dude I'm fucking dying lmao

>>78994567
Chris Succman

>>78994599
Heres the list of his film buffs bucket list. And yes. Its as pathetic as we all knew it would be

http://www.imdb.com/list/ls063738147

>a bucket list too include watching Signs

Am I being tricked?

>>78995984
>1. Star Wars TFA
this is a joke, no?

>>78994567
All e-celebs are cancer. Quarantine board when?

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>>78994567
So I hate Chris but your criticisms are fucking stupid
>Wears a Sailor Moon shirt
Yes? So what? It was immensely popular...when he was growing up. Who gives a fuck what he wears.
>Defends The Matrix Reloaded by saying "people were expecting perfection!!!"
Which is true, the bar was set too high by the first one and Reloaded is bad sure, but it isn't that horrible.
>Says Zion was actually cool (the main criticism of these shitty films in the first place)
Zion functioned in context of the story and was depicted fine, unless you are a nitpicking autist.

There are plenty of valid criticisms for Chris and how he measures quality but somehow you managed to miss the mark completely. I am convinced you are an underage.

Also, am I the only one massively put off by his teeth? Fuck man, brush them once a year

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>>78995984
>The Force Awakens 1#

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This is my favorite pic ever, that juxtaposition

>>78996069
>ion functioned in context of the story and was depicted fine, unless you are a nitpicking autist.
Too much black people, too much tribe dancing.

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>>78995984
I feel like people are collectively trying to make me ashamed of liking Zodiac by putting it in every fucking "Top XX before you die xD."

>>78994712
They took you, Stuckmann
And you don't belong to them
They left me in a world of darkness
Without your sexy hands
And I miss you, Stuckmann I think I love you
You make me wanna cry
You make me wanna die
I love you I love you
I love you I love you
I love you Stuckmann

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>>78996243
>>78994712
>>78994832
These Stuckman threads are getting out of hand

i fucking hate stuckmann and here's why (please feel free to copy past this for later use)

writes a book about the best movies of 00s.
>it's filled with cliches that everyones grandmother has seen . eg the dark knight
>every description is basically a 400 worded "this movie is about X. It's good."

rewrites B v S (https://twitter.com/chris_stuckmann/status/721417846610198528)
>it's horrible and he clearly spent a lot of time on it
>goes out and tweet this video https://twitter.com/chris_stuckmann/status/721835805300416512
>(clearly butthurt)
>then makes a fucking 20 minute long video respons were he's fucking CRYING, literally CRYING because people were mean to him and his family online. He also calims that he has written a scrip previously that tons of "Hollywood people" and producers, directors etc has looked at and loved
>says he only spent 20 minutes on the scrip (apparently he spent longer time on the video then .lol)
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qse8LJmPV8

RLM mentions him in one of their videos, it's a harmless 5 second joke
>Stuckmann removes them from his channel recommendations in a fit of rage and (surprise, surprise) makes another video where he's crying
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qpT7bWSgwg

beef with fury of the film
>fury of the film was a very early youtube critics who helped stuckmann get were he is today
>you can read about the beef here. http://whathappenedtofuryofthefilmfan.blogspot.no/
>skip to The Chris Stuckmann Visit if you dont wanna read all of it
>"He's the type of guy to make everyone miserable and then apologize for it and play the victim. I can't stand that type of person."

there you go.

>>78996490
Fuck you Noe, you haven't made a good film since Irreversible. Get your head out your ass

>>78996561
If he pays the bills with all this and makes money, why do any of you care?

>>78996762
That's exactly why

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>>78996561
>getting this mad over some literal who, that makes youtube videos about flicks
This site truly is an autistic place

>>78996786
Again, do you see how fucking stupid that complaint is? Do you have very limited self-awareness or something?

>>78996817
No no, I don't get triggered by him, I'm just saying that's why these people are annoyed.

>>78996786
>HOW DARE HE MAKE MONEY OFF OF DOING THING WTF I HATE STUCKSMAN NOAW HE IS LITERALLY THE WORST REEEE

>>78994712
>>78996243
Anon, are you huffing spray paint again?

>>78996838
Again for a third time, it is a very autistic thing to get annoyed over.

>>78996838
Fucker found a niche and people pay him for it. May as well complain that water is wet

>>78996884
Well that is something i've been meaning to bring up for a while i mean the absolute state, well in fact the liquid state of water... It's a fucking joke and not the kind of thing our administration should be supporting at all.

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>>78996904

>>78996133
The dancing scene was great, it's the council shit that turned it into a Star Wars prequel.

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>>78996862
What? Of course not, don't be ridiculous

>>78997424
SHINY AND CHROME!!!

>http://www.listchallenges.com/chris-stuckmanns-film-buffs-bucket-list-50/checklist/2
Well /tv/, how many have you seen? Are you a true film buff? Are you a true cinephile like /ourguy/ Chris?

>>78997665
i actually feel bad for liking some of those movies now

>>78994567
>name a bigger fag than chris (gets)cuckedmann
You for example, why dont you just ignore him? Or do you genuinely get offended by some random persons opinion to the extent that you need to have your "superior" opinion reinforced by random nobodies in anonymous online imageboard?

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>>78994567
Is it kino? http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph55e3dc50f2b0b

>>78997682
How pathetic are your opinions then if they are so weak that you feel bad for having them?

>>78996762
What shitty logic is that? You cant complain about how some retard does simething because it makes him money?

>>78997817
Did he break the law? Did he steal money from you? It's always been an autistic complaint. People willingly give him money, so you are complaining essentially that he lives off of a thing he turned into a job. It's juvenile. Not everyone wants to be a wagecuck, bud. It seems like most of you target the fact that he makes a living off it this.

>>78997868
t. Chris Stuckman

>>78997909
Right, you caught me. I better make ten more threads about him. Just to show how little I care

>>78997734
Wtf is there no porn scenes?
Dropped

>>78994567
>hating on based sailor jupiter
fuck you op, id choose jizz suckmenn over you

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His BvS script might be the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. The fact that he thought acknowledging how stupid Clark Kent's glasses hiding his identity is and having Batman refer to himself as "the world's greatest detective" absolutely slays me.

>>78994628
Chris lived with his parents until like 2 years ago

>>78998479
So like most of this board?

>>78996024
Sad thing is 1001 movies you see b4 you die included TFA.... as well as Guardians of the Galaxy.....

*vomits*

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>>78994567
I'm in love with his wife. I want to cuddle her while we watch anime. Yes boys, I want to cuck the Stuck.

Sailor Moon is boss

I bet you're a /pol/smoker who just got triggered by his opinion

>>78999532
They update it every year and then throw them away for other recent blockbusters. I assume this year they'll probably throw those away and add La La Land and Moonlight.

>>78994567
>Sailor Moon
why is tumblr obsessed with it?

>>78996561
>Stuckman cries over RLM joke

Wait... when the fuck did this happen?

>>78999532
Because they are fun and entertaining movies. You faggots still in denial that TFA is good?

>>78999620
In their Ghostbusters re:view at the very beginning. It's the most harmless joke you'll ever see, but Chris was emotionally destroyed.

>>78999620
Never, he never actually cried. This site is just autistic as usual and thinks everything is "LE OH BOY HOW WILL HE EVER RECOVER??"

Like that Jay, RLM tweet a few months ago.

>>78999661
His eyes looked pretty puffy to me senpai.

>>78999624
....
it isn't though.

I will grant you that Guardians is good, but hardly worthy of a 'must see' before you die.

TFA is shit though. Absolute fucking shit.

>>78999666
>things I want to be true

>>78999694
He looked like he had been sobbing.

>>78999673
>TFA is shit though. Absolute fucking shit.
It literally isn't though, fucking Christ how long you aspies going to keep PMSing over this pretty alright movie? Just kill yourselves already.

>>78999706
No, he didn't. Fuck off. It's all dumb bullshit Enquirer nonsense

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>>78999706
>I-it was just a joke, r-right guys?

>>78999746
>OH WOAHHH MATE, HIS EYES ARE SLIGHTLY BLOODSHOT TEEHEE I BET HE WAS SOBBINGGGG HOW WILL HE EVER RECOVER? STUCKMANSS ON SUICIDE WATCH!!

>>78999791
t.stuckman

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> I DONATED MONEY TO THEM AND THIS IS HOW THEY TREAT ME

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>>79000876
>You want to kill RLM. I want to kill RLM. Let's make them pay for what they've done.

I do wonder though -- you think its possible certain film companies have bribed YT critics like Chris in the past?

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>>78995984
>TFA #1