ITT: Craziest Theater Experiences

i choked on popcorn during midnight screening of King Kong.

Someone had to put their fingers in my throat to remove the kernal. I puked and everyone was refunded ticket.

>>78952022
are you going to see the new Kong then? you might die

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>theater is showing Back to the Future
>already seen it but had nothing else to do so I went with a friend who hadn't seen the movie
>they begin to show trailers
>what looks like a trailer for Magic Mike comes on
>suddeny tits and ass on screen
>it isn't a trailer
>it's the actual movie
>they forgot to change the film from last night
>bunch of moms get upset because they brought their 8 year olds
>they go complain
>they change the film back
>on the way out everyone gets a free movie ticket

I don't even think I used the free ticket desu

>opening night of rouge one
>sneak in pizza boxes through trench coat
>proceed to eat entire pizza throughout the movie
>never went to the bathroom
>end of movie
>leave all garbage in surrounding seats
>take massive greasy pizza shit
>rub excess shit on carpet and seats
>go wash up in kino showers

>im about 10 years old
>theatre seating was not elevated so the seats were all flat on the floor
>small enough to fit under peoples chairs
>slide down my seat and under the ones infront of me
>slither underneath people and steal popcorn unnoticed

>>78953408
I would try to sniff girl's feet in your position

>Return of the King opening weekend
>Frodo has just escaped Shelob's lair
>We see her sneaking above him
>Some lady shouts with genuine concern "look out Frodo!"
>Everyone laughs
My one and only heckling experience.

>go to see TDKR
>orange haired guy enters, shoots up theater

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>>78953529
THATS EDGY!

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>>78951951
this guy started jerking off in the seat behind me when my grandmother took me to see the phantom menace

>>78953623
What scenes were he beating the meat to?

>>78953485
was Frodo okay?

>>78953671
Sam saved the day then went home to tap some sweet Hobbit pussy.

>>78953723
Female hobbits don't exist.

>>78951951

GET TO THE SUB PODS

>>78953759
You're thinking of dwarves.

> Get my girlfriend tickets to the premiere.
> Take her to a nice dinner before and talk excitedly about the upcoming flick
> arrive early and take our seats, there's electricity in the air!
> my face brightens as the "I'm a big guy for you scene happens"
> suddenly smoke starts bellowing into the theater
> gunshots too, NOLAN IS RELEASING 4D KINO
> Guy walks in and says "I'm the jokah baby" and shoots my girlfriend in the head
> I play dead and shit myself

>>78951951
>Watch Bateman V Superman something like the third week it's out
>as I walk out, an usher is handing everyone free movie vouchers
>"Is this our reward for sitting through that garbage?"
>"Heh, no. There were issues with the projector."
>"Oh, I thought that was part of the movie."

>>78953873
haha it is shit though

>>78953648
if i remember it was during the jar jar combat scene or around that... this was over 20 years ago.

>>78953868
Now I understand why Nolan didn't go with Drew Sharp's audition. It really was too real, too visceral.

>>78953924
Oh, just your standard sadistic robosexual then. Gets off on machines getting destroyed.

>be me, about 12 I think
>Go with my dad to see the karate kid reboot
>I know I know, but he was a struggling divorced father so I let him have it.

>Anyway
>We get to the theater
>Watching the movie, theater dead silent
>About halfway through the movie, this massive black lady wearing a scrunchie bursts through the doors

>"LEROY JOHNSON. YOU BEST GET YO ASS UP OUTTA THIS MOVIE BEFORE I SCOUR EVERY ROW."

>A lone silohuette rises in front of the screen, scampering towards the theater doors
>The entire theater starts laughing and applauding as the woman grabs Leroy Johnson by the ear and drags him out.

>Finish watching the movie, fucking hated it.
>Laughed about Leroy Johnson on the way home.

>>78951951
Fuck this might have been me. Did this happen in California?

>>78953987
Why were you watching Atlantis while shitfaced?

>>78953981
You must be 18 to post here

>>78953981
>>I know I know,
Holy shit, lurk more.

I got head in the theater, also fingered and sucked on my gf titties. Actually did this a few times. We were 15 and couldn't fool around at our parents places plus it was the winter so it was too cold to hang out outside. She wanted to fuck in the theater but even I thought that was a bit too much.

>be young me
>watch atlantis at the theater
>guy in front unzips dick and starts masturbating furiously not giving a fuck
>everyone is cheering and clapping their heads off at this point and screaming with tears of joy and generally going insane
>everyone stands for the national anthem
>everyone got laid
>the end

The strangest movie experience I've ever had was watching the women in black. A ton of people in the theater started clapping when they do the whole fake out when you think he managed to save the kid from the train. I'd never had anyone clap in the theater before and I've not seen it since. Fucking weirdos.

>>78954124
>my gf
at least try to make it believable next time

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I went to see Batman Forever when i was a teenager. For some reason we went to this movie cinema like a 40 minute drive away.

We got dropped off and would be picked up when the movie finished.

15 minutes into the film the projector jammed and the film burnt through. Lights went on and we were like WTF l? We got issued a refund and had to wait two and half hours in this middle of nowhere dank cineplex to picked up.

Never watched the end of Batman Forever and never will because of that day.

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>Go to movies at local shitty theatre
>Sneak in
>Captain America: Civil War
>2/3 of the way through the film a fire alarm goes off.
>they say everyone will get refunded tickets
>they hand them out
>Keep lining up even though qt usher girl definitely knows I lined up more than once
>get 4 free movie tickets
>MFW I didn't pay for the movie originally

>>78954124
The one time I took a girl to the movies I leaned over in my seat to try to quietly let a fart out and just made it loud and squeeky, it smelled awful too like exactly like the panda express food we ate right before. I tried to play it off but she just said Coooool sarcastically at me. I actually did end up having sex with her and the first time she got her period all over my penis. She was hot but what a terrible relationship.

My friends and I would sneak bowl hits at the very back of the theater. Once a black dude yelled out during the movie 'who got dat weed?' and me and friends could not stop laughing. Kinda surprised we never got caught or kicked out.

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>8th grade
>principal is a huge geek
>so the school rents out a nearby theater, so we can watch the movie all together
>so much hormones in one room
>Legolas appeares
>all the girls squeak in a unhuman pitch
>Gandalf appears
>all males mentally connected decided to squeak like the girls
>every one is dying of laughter
>except the principle is mad and storming out theater

Men are one hivemind I swear.

I almost got arrested during Jurassic World because some 20 year old saw me packing a dip before it started and told security on me. I asked him what his issue was and he said "it's gross" I called him a faggot and I could hear his cow of a date chewing on popcorn from 3 rows away he called the cops but was able to talk my way out of it and see the movie.

>>78954249

Yeah movie dates are the shit when you're younger, its dark as hell and loud so theres no pressure to talk. And as corny and cliche as it is, the arm around the shoulder thing works well.

None of mine have ever really been that bad.

Jurassic World
> Huge Jurassic Park fan, it's one of my favorite movies of all time.
> Unbelievably hyped for the sequel
> packed theater and I get put into a shitty broken seat
> I'm like doubled over in the seat, my knees almost to my chin
> Half way through i get a horrible stomach cramp
> So bad that it's like almost scream worthy
> Fidgeting in my seat trying to keep control
> end up having to stand in the back of the theater clutching my stomach to try to finish watching the movie
> usher starts staring at me like i'm a mass shooter.

Jurassic Park in 3D
> first time I'd been able to see the original in theaters
> in the middle of a literal psychotic break
> havent slept in 3 days
> fall asleep in the theater sometime after the rex chasing the jeep scene
> usher wakes me up

Diary of a wimpy kid 2
> a girl propped up her foot beside my head
> I sniffed it repeatedly and got a boner
> i desperately wanted to lick it
> went home and had a massive fap

Captain America: Civil War
> stole the disabled seat because it's really comfy
> fat guy who is too big for regular seats glared at me through the entire movie as i was manspreading

>>78954351

LEL it's so 8th grade of girls to think orlando bloom is hot. like he is hot, but as legolas? its just gay of them. fucking roasties, even then

this story just proves for the trillionth time that men as a gender are way way funnier too. like instinctually all men realized girls were stupid af and needed to mock them. great


>>78954274


where do you live? i live in MA and i think id get in trouble for that shit lol. no smoke alarms? if you got a bowl really going it would REEK

>>78953924
>over 20 years ago
it hasn't even been out for 20 years

>Go see some horror movie years ago with a friend at midnight
>Theater is empty except some black woman up front
>she stars yelling
>"NAW DONT GO IN THERE"
>"WHY YOU DO THAT"
>I yell back "TELL HER"
>"YEAH SEE THIS BOI GETS IT"
>"YEAH I GET IT"
>later, a person dies from being decapitated, the woman screams.
>"OOOOH DAYUM"
>I yell back
>"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DEAD?"
>"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GON LIVE WITH NO HEAD?"
>"I DONT KNOW MAYBE AN AMBULANCE WILL COME"
>"THEY IN THE FUCKIN WOODS"

>>78954365
What kind of dip? Ketchup or BBQ? Why are you so gross?

>Watching "The Day After Tomorrow".
>It's a hot day.
>Someone yells "Turn up the air conditioner".
>Out of nowhere, some other guy yells "This is life in the real word, you fucking rich boy" or something. Dude sounded pissed.
>Two guys, sitting on opposite ends of the movie theater, get into a shouting match over social classes in the middle of a disaster movie.
>"Fuck you, motherfucker, it's hot as fuck!"
>"That's how it is in the hood!"
>End after at about 5 minutes of argument.
>Later in the movie.
>New Ice Age, everything is getting frozen.
>"Cold enough for you, rich boy?"
>"Motherfucker, I'll beat you".
>Another shouting match, schedule fight for once movie is over.
>Movie is over.
>Both guys bail.

>>78954451
sorry, i have no concept of time, 18 years*.

>>78954409
>> a girl propped up her foot beside my head
>> I sniffed it repeatedly and got a boner
>> i desperately wanted to lick it
>> went home and had a massive fap
expans on this story please, here are some questions to help you out: did she take her shoes off? was she wearing socks? was the smell intense? did she not notice you or was it intentional? how close was it? I mean did you have to lean so there was a rish of her noticing? how did she look like, age, hair colour? remember who was she with? etc

>>78954538
If I were guaranteed to have this happen every time I went to see a horror flick in theatres, I'd actually enjoy horror movies.

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>>78954586

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>>78954538

>>78954365
What? I've never had anyone care about dip in a theater before. I don't even think it's against the rules. Sometimes I even asked for a water cup and filled it with napkins in front of employee's when I didn't have a bottle. What a colossal faggot. I'm genuinely pissed off by this post.

>>78954680
Yeah I was like 6 seats away from him in another row. I was so fucking livid and not that I was going to do anything because I'm too old to start an actual fist fight over something like it but I found it funny the kid and his date practically ran out of the theater before the movie was even over.

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>>78953671

Captain America - The Winter Soldier:
During Fury's death scene, someone opens a giant bag of Skittles, it sounded like one of those 2-pound Costco bags when it ripped open and dumped Skittles all over the floor. Best part was that they kept rolling down toward the front of the theater for at least 30 seconds. Wrecked the whole mood.

About 15 years ago, someone started shooting off fireworks inside the theater. Like no shit bottle rockets screaming through the room.

Another time, completely full theater, group couldn't even sit with each other. About 45 minutes into the movie, we hear someone loudly puking their guts out onto the floor. Turns out it was some drunken dumbass we brought.

>>78954755
Fucking nu-males man.

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>>78954351

Oh and during the opening night of Indiana Jones 4 there was this little incident:

>everyone exited as fuck
>trailers are finally over
>the atmosphere is tense as fuck
>suddenly the lights go on
>everyone is confused as fuck
>a female employee comes out with a basket and asks if someone wants some last minute ice cream
>are you fucking kidding me bitch?
>some guy clearly drunk guy screams from his seat:"We don't want your ice cream! WE WANT INDY!"
>and the whole theater starts singing with him: https://youtu.be/66tQR7koR_Q

>>78954365
That's what you get for putting literal shit in your mouth I swear sometimes Americans are so retarded

One time I was watching Space Jam with my dad when someone lit a couple of smoke bombs in the theatre and we ended up getting evacuated and got free tickets. Ended up seeing the movie the next week and it was great.

Another time I was 14 and my parents dropped me off at the theatre while my parents went out to dinner. I ended up meeting a guy probably in his early twenties in the arcade and sitting next to him to watch a movie (forgot which one, something stupid). There was no one sitting around us and he ended up giving me head and I came in his mouth. First and only time ever did anything gay.

>>78955025
>and then I space jammed in his mouth

>>78954409
>stole the disabled seat because it's really comfy
Kek

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>>78955073

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>Naruto the Last
>Movie is coming to a close
>They kiss in front of the moon and it fades out
>Black guy shouts "DEN HE HIT HER WITH DAT SHADOWCLONE GANGBANG"
>Everyone bursts out laughing

>>78954990
Try putting a tooth brush in your mouth yuro

>waiting to watch some movie i forget which, dr strange i think with my boomer dad
>dad playing angry birds on his phone because hes reddit: the boomer
>landwhale white trash lady and her wheezing husband tell him to get off his phone repeadly although the movie hasnt started
>dadmin spills spaghetti

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>be 16 year old me
>11" penis
>see the bone collector at work friend's nearest theater
>more than halfway through the movie the film catches fire
>sit there with no idea what to do
>5 minutes later manager wakes up and light come on and they announce no other copies of film are in the theater
>get free ticket to go back to see another movie
>go back less than a year later
>theater is now IHOP
>didn't understand movie anyway
>fuck brick twp
MFW

>watching the second part of The Hobbit with my dad and grandpa
>scene of the River Town with a bunch of jigaboos and asians
>grandpa goes "WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK?!"
>theater bursts out laughing

>>78955632
kek

>>78954650
what movie

>>78953999
I get shit faced before every movie
Also, checked

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>just graduated HS
>starting to smoke weed pretty regularly
>hit the bong, go to watch transformers
>end up with an rapist looking mother fucker sitting next to me
>pretty normal until the movie starts
>notice he's shaking violently, gripping the arm rests
>mumbling under his breath angrily
>wtf, am i tripping ou--
>"fucking jews. fucking jews, right? I know a kike when I see one" (referring to Shiah Lebouf I guess)
>just stare at the screen
>"I'm going to burn this fucker down, kikes and kids alike. Fuck everyone, fuck the world."
>these murmurs continue through the whole movie, but too spooked to get up and leave, too paranoid
>tell friend after the movie what happened, he says he heard it too but was too scared to say anything

>>78955894
He was right about Shiah tho.

>>78953759
>>78953790
You're thinking of ents

>>78955894
That was me sitting behind you, I still remember you and your faggy friend.

>College years
>300 is in theathers
>One friends keeps going on and on how accurate the movie was (he hadn't seen it by that point) and we should all see it
>I was a /b/tard at that point so I was already laughing by this statement, also I've read the comics so I knew what I was in for
>Drinking and smoking decide to go to cinema to a late showing
>Drink and smoke some more, actually brought beers with us to the cinema
>There's maybe 15 other people watching this
>As soon as it the movie start I start making fun of my friend for the accurate Spartan's british accent
>The other people realize we're drunk but instead of getting mad start to laugh and make fun of the movie for being homoerotic
>When the hot fortune teller is on screen one man turns to his wife and goes "I'm fucking the shit out of you tonight thinking of that"
>Scream like idiots at "This is Sparta"
>I made a beer run during the movie and got even higher
>Continue to laugh and joke with the whole room
>Movie ends
>Everything went better than expected.tiff

>>78956498
well apart from the fantasy imagery the events of the movie are relatively accurate to the events of the battle. except in the movie they are betrayed by a cripple in the RL they are betrayed by a Jew

>>78956498
>"I'm fucking the shit out of you tonight thinking of that"
alpha as fuck

>>78954124
Bro this was my go to as a sophomore/junior. Usually just hang out and finger whichever girl, I only got head in a theater a couple times since it's more risky. Those were the days.

>>78956247
Entwives existed but they all disappeared a long time ago. Probably dead

>>78953485
Things like this, if they only happen very rarely, are quite hilarious

>>78952094
I chuckled

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>>78955337

>>78954538
My god this is an old one

>>78952022
watching some yarkle puke his guts out was probably moar entertaining than that boring ass monkey shit

>>78951951
> A little backstory: On the 4th of July a few years ago, the local fireworks show had a disastrous misfire and ended up injuring a bunch of people

>Local second run theater has a neat thing where they show a retro movie on the big screen once a month
>Terminator 2 was the movie of choice this month; it was screened just a day after the big firework accident
>Movie starts; starts with the slow pan up from the thousands of human skulls littering the ground from the nuclear war
>Guy who is drunk as fuck at the back of the theater yells, "MEANWHILE AT THE FIREWORKS SHOW..."
>Everyone in the audience cringes and moans out loud
>Guy responds, "FUCK YOU, NO ONE DIED, IT'S FUNNY!"
>Everyone laughs

Thankfully he shut up after that.

>>78955542
I understood non of this. Work on your story telling skills

>>78957170
Why was there a fireworks show in July?

>>78957362
The 4th of July is a big holiday in America which usually includes a fireworks display.

>>78954247
Living proof dcucks will never not get btfo

>>78953052
didn't know india was big on starwars

>>78953529
>>78953868
unoriginal

>>78954449
not the same guy but 413 here bruh

>>78957362
nigga just stop

>Patriots Day movie
>some reason it doesn't premiere on patriots day
>grow up in mass
>see with brother
>weed now legal
>get stupid high beforehand
>it's one of those restaurant theaters
>stupid expensive cocktails
>high enough to buy
>finish drink before trailers end
>full effect takes place right before bombs go off
>HOLY SHIT WE WERE SCREAMING


>take gf to wolf of wallstreet
>she thought it was too long and had no plot
>i nolonger have a girlfriend

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Not crazy but funny
>seeing Moonlight with a friend
>only 3 other people in the theater
>2 hipsters and a normal looking black guy
>movies sucks
>as credits are rolling the black guy stands up and loudly says, NIGGA THATS GAY then leaves
>his outburst was better than the movie

>>78957396
Gratzi

>>78955025
>Another time I was 14 and my parents dropped me off at the theatre while my parents went out to dinner. I ended up meeting a guy probably in his early twenties in the arcade and sitting next to him to watch a movie (forgot which one, something stupid). There was no one sitting around us and he ended up giving me head and I came in his mouth. First and only time ever did anything gay.
Sounds hot tbqh

>get home from an Afghanistan deployment
>buddy of mine is having a hard time getting back into public
>asks if I'll go with him to see jackass 3D
>he picks me up
>he hands me a small bottle of rum
>chug it and he chugs his
>go to bar and get a few shots each
>walk to liquor store and buy a big bottle of sailor jerry
>smuggle it into the theater
>mix it in with our sodas
>like half bottle in each cup
>black out drunk by the time it hits the 10 min mark
>pull out dick (sitting in last row in the back)
>take a piss secretly

That was the last thing I remember. I had a hangover for a few days.

oldfag reporting in
>getting ready to watch some film with friend.
>a little early so decide to play SF2 Champion
Edition to pass the time
>Shwoog puts quarter on the machine
>"AY MAN! SHOW ME HOW TA THROW DA MAGIC!"
>explain to this shine how to do a sonic boom with Guile
>finally take seats in theater, previews begin
>indubitably another spook starts the rolling commentary
>I forget what the movie was now but he shouts "Dass jus Pocahontas. Dass all dat is, dey jus do it again!

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>>78951951
>go to see Split
>realize halfway through the movie that I forgot my cinema shower pass
>realize what that means
>as most moviegoers exit during the credits, I remain in my seat like the other people without passes
>once they all exit I strip naked in the theater with the other peasants
>line up with the other pass-less theater patrons in front of the screen
>woman loudly crying holding her infant child tightly, she knows what is about to go down
>the spotlights from the cinema watchtowers shines upon us
>the cinema warden enters and orders the guards to hose us down
>brace myself as i am hosed down by the powerful hose the guards use to hose down the screen after each screening
>several of us go toppling down, our naked bodies sliding about the floor from the pressure of the hose
>as the screams grow louder the hoses' pressure only increases
>after 15 minutes things finally end
>we struggle to our feet, bruised and bloody, stumbling
>getting dressed afterwards
>find my shower pass in my jacket pocket I was wearing all along

Amateur mistake on my part

>>78958403
was it JC's Avatar?

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>in the cinema showers, left my prized anvil in the changing room (I know, rookie mistake)
>when I got out it was gone
>I have too many as it is, but this was my prized anvil
>go to the cinema buffet to grab some food to cheer up
>as I was smashing the lobsters on my spare anvil, I hear someone smash down the door
>its the cinema shooter
>he starts shooting up the place
>I almost died, but my cinema falcon swooped in the way and took the bullet for me
>tfw I lost my cinema falcon and my prized anvil in one day>in the cinema showers, left my prized anvil in the changing room (I know, rookie mistake)
>when I got out it was gone
>I have too many as it is, but this was my prized anvil
>go to the cinema buffet to grab some food to cheer up
>as I was smashing the lobsters on my spare anvil, I hear someone smash down the door
>its the cinema shooter
>he starts shooting up the place
>I almost died, but my cinema falcon swooped in the way and took the bullet for me
>tfw I lost my cinema falcon and my prized anvil in one day

>girlfriend wants to go see Maze Runner 2: The Scorch Trials
>the cinema i have a premium subscription at isn't showing the movie though
>have to go to the other one i don't have a subscription at
>get to cinema
>Massive line for non-subscription patrons
>after waiting 15 minutes in line to buy a ticket, the bouncer starts giving me shit about the dress code
>have to wear one of the rental blazers, they charge me $10 an hour
>you can see falcon shit stains on the shoulder and there is popcorn butter all over the cuffs
>Put on the blazer and get past the biometric body scanners
>Finally get to see Maze Runner 2: The Scorch trials
>Can't stop laughing at Aiden Gillian's scenes and my gf has no clue why

i went to see godzilla 2000, the movie lost sound 15 minutes in then they began playing stock music through the speakers, after 30 min they fixed it and played the movie from the start.

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>>78951951
I got two stories
Story 1:
>Big Hero Six
>I go in with with a buddy
>At some point the brother in the film goes into the burning building
>Some black guy in front of us screams "TADACHI NOOOOO"
>The building blows up
>The guy runs out of the theater
>Everyone laugh at his little stunt
>Later on its near the end of the movie
>The robot sacrifices himself
>Two chicks are crying in front of us and we start giggling at them
>A parent behind looked pissed at us

Story 2:
>Family goes in to see the second Lord of the Rings
>My mom wasn't interested and fell asleep through the film
>She woke up in the middle of the movie
>Sees Gollum on screen
>Screams bloody murder
>Watched the rest of the film embrassed

>>78951951
I was watching The Dark Knight in my local theater and got shot and killed by a random gunman AMA

>be little me
>neighbor girl babysits us
>takes us to Cats Don't Dance
>we're only ones in the theater
>have a food fight
>popcorn flying, lots of fun
>movie ends and none of us really know what happened on screen

>>78956369
kek based

>>78953450
Wtf lol. I just kekked outloud

>>78958734
I once coated myself with FlexSeal spray beforehand, helps protect against the spray and any slash/stab/scratch wounds in the pre-film gladiatorial tourneys

>>78954129
WHAT. THE. FUCK.
HAHAHAHHA.

I LOVE YOU 4CHAN. YOU FUCKIN LOVABLE SCUM BAGS LMFAO

>>78957908

thank you for your service

My buddies and I went to see Stallone's Judge Dredd.
Once the movie started, some guy behind us and to the left started making grunting sounds. Really violent sounds. We thought he might have been jerking off, but it sounded weirder.
As the movie progressed, any time there was action he'd let out a stream of grunts and growls. Sometimes a "Yeah!" "You show him!" or a berserk kind of laugh.
This kept on going and escalating as the movie went on.
Finally the movie was over ad the lights went up, and we looked over toward where the sounds were coming from, and there was this kid, maybe 19/20, wearing a shirt and tie. Really clean cut and normal looking. He stood up, adjusted his tie and strolled out of the theater. The whole thing was weird as fuck. We expected to see something like the Tourettes guy or something.

>go to movies by myself because I can
>ask ticket bitch for my ticket "ticket for one for La La Land!"
>ticket bitch says "for ONE? what's it like going to the movies alone?"
>I say "Yes, for one. what's it like earning 9 dollars an hour?" laugh in ticket bitch's face and walk away
>walk up to stub ripper...say "IS THIS YOUR WHOLE JOB? YOUR PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD LOL" rip my own stub because I'm not an idiot
>enter eatery, walk up to servant: "what will you have?" she asks, "it's okay! I brought my own!" I say while showing her the contents of my backpack with cola and homemade popcorn inside
>turn to those behind me and say "ENJOY PAYING THREE BUCKS FOR COLA, MORONS"
>make my way to cinema doors...notice lots of couples
>"WHAT IS THIS? MAKE OUT HOUR? THIS IS A MOVIE MORONS, NOT A FUCKING LOVE IN, GTFO"
>laugh at them as they leave in embarrassment
>cinema all to myself, put my feet up and throw popcorn at my face because that's how I eat it

>End of Hobbit 3

>My dad has anger management issues

>goes nuclear on a teenage boy in the row in front for being on his phone

>the whole theatre is dead silent

>we walk out

>my brother calls the boy a freak

>I slap his head on the way past

I like to think my dad was pissed off because the film was so bad though.

>watching Spider-man
>Little kid crying down front
>Mom trying in vain to get hi to shut up
>he eventually stops
>then he starts blabbering about random shit at the top of his lungs
>Mom trues to calm him down
>no good
>He starts crying again
>crying tuns into shrill screaming
>Big ass temper tantrum
>Goes on for about an hour
>several people get up ad go tell manager
>manager comes down
>tells her to reign in the little shit or get out
>he quiets down
>Thank you Jesus
>starts throwing stuff ad babbling again
>she smacks him
>HARD
>wailing starts
>People stat shouting
>"get out"
>"Shut that fucker up!"
>"Strangle the little bastard!"
>She stands up and starts yelling back
>the very epitome of redneck trailer trash
>"Fuck you! I haven't been able to find a sitter and I wanted to see the movie. Let's see Ya'll do better!!"
>Shouting match escalates
>Finally grabs the little shit by the collar and starts dragging him up the aisle
>Standing ovation from audience
>"Fuck you assholes! It's not fair. I didn't ask for this little shit!"
>Walks by me
>Say in loud voice
>Shoulda kept your legs closed, you filthy whore!
>Audience laughs
>"Fuck you!" and takes a swig at me
>misses
>Bangs knee on armrest and goes ass over tip.
>"Somebody fucking help me up!"
>Another audience member shouts "Yeah don't want her on her back too long, look what happened last time!"
>everybody laughs
>Nobody helps the bitch up
>struggles to her feet and goes chasing after kid who's run off to the lobby.
>Manager stands at the door when movie's over handing out tickets

>>78953790
>>78953759
>>78956247
You're thinking of wizards.

>>78953529
>t. 14 year old's first post on 4chan

>>78951951
>be working at theater
>do nothing as manager of snack area
>get a call that a somewhat nearby volcano erupted
>estimated to get at 2-6cm of ash
>we start shutting everything down
>myself and 2 other managers split up to pause movies and tell people
>we tell them the volcano erupted and they can stay and finish the movie or get a free movie pass to come back another time
>in one theater after saying all that someone shouts "the fuck is a volcano!?"

by the time we covered everything and closed up there was already a decent dusting so I walked 3 blocks to a buddies and played shit like gauntlet and smash bros instead of driving home

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>>78961753
Heh.

> Watching first LOTR as a 15 year old.
> Fucking retarded lady has a baby with her in the aisle seat in front of me + family.
> Gets up and leaves whenever it starts crying.
> Not as bad as i expected.
> Gets to the Lurtz scene towards the end.
> Aragorn cuts his fucking head off.
> She gets spooked and drops the baby into the aisle.
> It rolls down 2-3 steps screaming all the way.
> I laugh my ass off.

It was worth it in the end.

>>78951951
Best one I have is this guy went all by himself to see Rogue One, fell asleep the first 1/4 and started snoring real loud. Keks were had.

my dad told a bunch of hipster teenagers to shut the fuck up when I was younger in the theater, I was around 13. it was the smurfs movie, I remember all the scene kids wanted to go see it ironically or whatever, my dad was rightfully annoyed by it.

>>78955894
you should have made friends with him he seems based

>>78955894
/pol/ irl

>Be 10
>Be at cinema watching Jurassic park
>T-rex scene
>Start quietly freaking out
>Almost in tears have to lean over to my left and ask my (younger)friend if i can swap places with him so i can sit next to my mum

>>78957570
https://soundcloud.com/frankjavcee/sausage-remix

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>>78953052

>>78961753
Was this the first Toby Mcguire spider-man? My parents won't let me forget the temper tantrum i had there. It was the last film I remember enjoying at the movies.

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>>78961753

>>78953873
>watch batman vs superman drunk as fuck
>me in the teather and a few families
>randomly yell AAAAIDS and OH MY GOOOD
>fall asleep and drool all over myself
>wake up for the doomsday fight scene

9/10 teather experience

>>78957479
was this at Assembly Row? I had an alcaholic marshmellow flavored cocktail there for a screening of Ghostbusters. Well, the original one.

>>78951951
>15th birthday
>The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy premieres in theaters
>read the books when I was 12
>listened to the audio drama re-runs plus the new episodes and TV series in 2004
>go to watch it with my father
>have a guy in a bathrobe with a towel slung around his neck sitting one row in front of me
>he turns around
>"Did you bring your towel as well?"
>Nah, but nice touch.
>"It's so the bugblatter beast of Traal can't see you because it's so stupid it thinks everything that can't see it, it can't see either."
>Yes. We know.
>movie starts
>havin fun, Trillian is cute, a lot of stuff is different, but the audio drama and TV series were too.
>Towel Guy sticks out his thumb, yells Yeaaah when Arthur and Ford are hitching a ride with the Vogons
>gets queasy when Zaphod's head pops back to reveal the second face
>Shouts "NO!" when they introduce Humma Kavula
>tramples against the (empty) front row when they visit Vogsphere
>Loudly exclaims "ORIGINAL MARVIN" when he spots the TV robot in the queue
>shouts again right at the end when Marvin exclaims that the Restaurant is "at the OTHER end of the universe"
>slams around in his seat, throws towel
>"THIS WASN'T LIKE THE BOOKS AT ALL! FUCK THIS!"

>Watching a movie recently, had to go piss
>Theater is tiny and full, rows are fucking tiny
>trip over someones handbag on the floor
>Half fall over but whoever I was going to fall on grabs my ass and pushes me up
>This gives me too much momentum and it happens again, another random geabs my ass to stop me from falling
>embaresed as fuck but laughing like an idiot at the same time

>>78951951

>Be me, 9
>Go on field trip to see the 1st Harry Potter movie
>Full row of special needs kids behind us
>Big fat downy keeps making noises
>Keep looking back
>Caretaker says he can't help it
>Book scene happens
>Entire row freaks out
>Fat retard literally shits himself
>Caretaker has to round up the screaming tards and leave
>Slight smell of shit lingering for the rest of the movie

>Watching 'The Worlds End' at the movie theatre
>Climactic ending starts
>in the film the ground is shaking and breaking apart.
>actual ground starts to shake in cinema
>we realise it's a freakin' earthquake
>people start screaming and take cover under seats
>Quake stops and I can't even remember how the movie ends.

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>Back to the Future 1 and 2 are playing back to back at my local cinema
>have no friends so go alone
>get there late ironically the same time Marty is late for school
>no room except for handicapped seats
>tard next to me
>fuck
>whole 1st movie tard is asked wrangler "who's that" and "what that?"
>fuck
>endure it for most of it
>halfway through tard gets up to get more food or something
>at least some silence
>comes back shittons of food
>splits half of it getting to it's seat
>eats it loud as fuck
leaves before 2nd movie starts
>thank god

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>>78961236

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>>78953981
Tfw my deadbeat dad visited randomly & took me to see that fucking jackie chan + chris rock movie, Fast hour or some shit like that. Fucking deadbeat dads have no kino sense

>>78954957
They used to do this shit at my AMC, one time some kid threw his super cheesy chili dog at the ice cream bitch then everyone started pelting her with food.

I was gonna buy a treat too

Gueasing the Interstellar ending halfway though, pissing my brother off.

Seeing Battle of the 5 Armies with my friend and laughing thorough every shitty scene. We died at the Aragorn part.

>>78955894
Youre a lucky man, you met /pol/ and came out of it unshoahed.

>Family, me , my parents and sister, are all together for Christmas
>Decide to all see Rogue One together
>Somehow we convince my mom to come see her first star wars movie
>Sit next to herx she asks me questions the whole time
>Bail Organa mentions Obi Wan in passing
>Cut to the scene where the death star shows up above Scarif.
>Mom whispered to me " I bet Obi Wan is in there and about to save all of them"
It was cute

>mum takes me to see the live action street fighter movie
>they have a souvenier booth in the theater
>mom buys me a 3D poster of blanka
>its huge as fuck and a hard plastic
>put it at my feet in theater
>some cunt comes in 30 minutes after movie starts
>of course he picks my aisle
>smashes my fuckin poster
>mom stands up and blocks him from getting past
>berates him until he tries to leave
>manager is standing there & asks if he smashed my toy
>guy admits it, promptly gets kicked out
>manager says to find him after the movie for a replacement
>He gives me a guile 3d poster and candy
>at home I unsmashed the blanka poster

i really don't understand how did chris martin get away with it, is dyeng your hair orange enough so no one can recognize you

My cinema experiences have been pretty standard, but my friend got blown during the Phantom Menace 3d release.

>>78966055
how can you talk about rush hour like that who are yu?

>>78951951
Why the fuck is Audrey not on the poster.

>>78954365
That's what you deserve you fucking defenerate. Dip smells disgusting

>>78956579
>except in the movie they are betrayed by a cripple in the RL they are betrayed by a Jew
What is the difference

>>78961753
I'll take shit that never happened for 600, Alex.

>>78954072
Muh chan lingo!
Muh board culture!

>>78954351
>be like 14, somehow dad managed to drag me along with him to see the first twilight with him and my stepmom (he was dragged as well obviously, my dad is too patrician for that shit)
>whenever a male character becomes shirtless all the girls in the audience squeel
>men dragged by their significant others begin doing the same thing
>one dude started laser pointing at male characters groins and abs
nobody in that theater got laid that night

>>78966055
You better back of mate Rush hour 1+2 are pure kino you have the taste of a 16 year old starbucks white girl.

>>78967631
You'll need to lurk some more friend.

>be me
>18 years old, graduating soon
>going on double date with buddy and his gf of 6 months, and female friend of said gf
>know she's interested in me
>sit down, flick starts
>it's the wrong fucking movie
>but it's a romantic comedy as well, plus I'm here for the girl so who cares
>there's literally full frontal nigger nudity in one scene
>face full of black shlong
>embarassed as fuck
>finally manage to man up enough to turn to date and say
>hey c-can I hold your hand?
>oh god that wasn't supposed to sound that beta
Bitch cheated on me after 5 years so I guess I shouldn't have bothered.

>leave movie halfwaythrough for toilet
>couple shagging
>too awkward can't get myself to piss
>sit and watch the other half of the film bursting to go
I didn't enjoy the movie anyway should have probably went home

>>78967941
>Bitch cheated on me after 5 years
But was it with a black guy?

>>78968015
No, a scrawny white guy 5 years younger than me who literally looked like me back then.

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This is one of my favourites.

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>>78954538
amazing

>>78953759
>>78953790
>>78956247
>>78961929
You're thinking of scholars.

>>78954538

When keeping it real goes right, ya should've married her.

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>>78968030
What the fuck?
Women can never be understood.

>>78968234
>that screencap
It's obvious she misses the attention.

>>78968265
but...she has a boyfriend to give her attention?

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>>78951951
Was watching Dr. Strange last year and during the scene where he goes to a place to talk to a guy that was using magic to walk someone in the theater passed out for some reason and the women next to him made a huge scandal.

>CALL AN AMBULANCE!
>SOMEBODY HELP!
>HE PASSED OUT!
>CALL AN AMBULANCE! HEEEELP!
>SOMEBODY DO SOMETHIIING!

Nobody moved. Nobody gave a damn. Apparently things got better 'cause we went on watching the movie and nothing happened. Guess the guy was just sleeping after all? It was fucking hilarious in hindsight but it made me realise that if I ever die in a theater while watching a movie nobody will move a fucking muscle to help me.

>>78967814
loud kek

>>78954409
>Diary of a wimpy kid 2

Oh man that is a hell of a story. I wish that'd happen to me but what if the girl wasn't pretty? How would you know?

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i got a boner in avatar

>>78968430
Same thing happens in car wrecks, interestingly. It's why in first aid courses you're taught to either do it yourself, or order one specific person to call the ambulance.
>YOU THERE, call an ambulance.

>>78963899
>t. Rich Evans

>>78954409
Story reads even funnier if you think it's the same usher.
Also, nice foot story fãm

Some girl I didn't know put her feet right in my face when I saw ROTK on opening night. I was upset to say the least.

>>78961236
Lol you gonna suck his dick too? kill yourself fag

>>78951951

Nothing TOO interesting but...

>Be watching Insidious 2 with friend
>Tense scene
>Suddenly theater turns red
>Weird sound begins blaring
>Wtf didn't know this film was interactive
>Oh wait it's the alarm
>Leave theater
>Gave us free tickets

I lost the ticket

>>78953868

>gunshots too, NOLAN IS RELEASING 4D KINO

That's not funny

I'm laughing though

>>78966055
>has shit dad
>has shit taste
Makes sense

>>78954391
That takes me back
>Go to cinema with female friends casually
>Wait until something startles her and throw the old arm around her
>Gently caress her shoulder
>Pull her in for a smooch
>Inevitably get pussy or the succ in the car afterward
>Go to school the next day and we act like nothing happened. Zero commitment.
By the end of twelfth grade I'd fucked or been sucked off by every girl in my group, including the other dudes' gfs. I miss how easy that shit was back then.

>>78954449
Teenage girls like Legolas and dudes like that because their femininity makes them feel "safe". Girls that young are still intimidated by masculinity. That's why young women screw around with each other so much more than young guys do.

>>78970465
Isaiah you're a fucking dick for that shit but I love you

>>78953052
what the fuck is rouge one?
It sounds like pretentious art-house garbage

>>78955894
>Encounter with a redpill

There was this movie called The Spiderwick Chronicles that I saw with a friend, my sister, and my friend's sister since they're friends. We were pretty young and our parents just decided to drop us off there while they hung out. There was a blizzard outside and we live in a small town so this combination of factors led to there being literally no one else in the theater when we saw it. We just ran around the theater and fucked around for the entire time, jumping over seats and shit. Good times

>>78962532
That's an appropriate reaction to Rogue One.

>Be 8
>Go to watch Disney's Tarzan with mom
>The last fight scene where the light turns red and music gets intense
>Too scared to watch
>Put hands in front of face
>Mom moves my hands away and basically informs me not to be a pussy.

>>78957170
Was this in Pennsylvania?

>>78962140
where the fuck do you live that volcanoes go off nearby?

>>78953485
>watching ROTK in theaters
>friend keeps badgering me for my Reese's pieces
>don't want to give him my Reese's pieces, I didn't open them yet
>he takes me Reese's pieces and attempts to open them like a bag of chips instead of just ripping along the perforation
>pulls so hard Reese's pieces bag explodes and the candies all fly up with the force of one thousand suns
>orange, yellow, and brown candies rain down on unhappy theater patrons
Good movie

>>78957479
Hello réddit :-)

>>78953868
>I'm the jokah baybee
Absolute kek

>>78960508
>screams bloody murder
Fucking lel

>>78955379
>knowing what's reddit
Way to blow your cover

>>78962140
Where was this? And what volcano?

>go alone to see 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2'
>arrive five minutes late because the cab driver took me the long route
>start to sweat profusely as I notice the hot ticket girl
>shuffle towards the counter, being careful not to trip over
>stutter that I'd like one ticket to Harry Potter
>she smiles slightly and says, "that will be $7.80 please"
>I only have $7.60 because my cab cost more than I anticipated
>she tells me that I'll have to borrow 20c from one of my friends or something
>"I-I don't have any friends"
>she says, "then I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to leave the queue"
>a lump forms in my throat and I feel like I'm about to cry
>some normalfag who was standing in the queue gives me 20c so I can watch the movie
>too shy to say thank you so I snatch it from him and pay as fast as I can
>hear him mutter "asshole" as I walk away
>get my ticket ripped by the ticket stub guy
>"enjoy the movie!"
>"you too"
>immediately realize my mistake and try to disguise it with a fake coughing fit
>a blob of phlegm accidentally shoots from the back of my throat onto his lapel
>he gets mad and tells me to wipe it off
>I laugh awkwardly and try to walk away, growing increasingly red
>he grabs my cape and wipes the phlegm on it
>try to escape but he won't let go of my cape

(tbc...)

>>78971575
>it tautens until it looks like he's holding me on a leash
>a crowd is gathering now
>a little kid gets excited and shouts "Avada Kedavra!" and punches me in the thigh
>I force a smile and pretend it didn't hurt, even as I slowly keel to the floor
>a group of teenage girls begin to laugh hysterically
>the kid rests his foot on my head in a gesture of triumph, as when David slew Goliath
>pretend to have a seizure so he'll leave me alone, but get self-conscious and only do it half-heartedly
>"okay, enough's enough, dude," the ticket stub guy says as he forcibly drags me to my feet
>presently I limp into my screen and find a seat right in the middle of the theater
>withdraw my tin of baked beans and can opener from my fanny pack
>forgot to bring a spork so I have to drink the beans straight from the tin
>the man sitting behind asks me to remove my wizard hat
>I mumble an apology and take it off, which causes my secret stash of spaghetti to run down my face
>panic and start eating it as quickly as possible, before someone sees
>it goes down the wrong passage and I start choking
>the woman sitting next to me gives me the heimlich maneuver
>I get an erection and my penis pokes out of my fly, which I now realize had been open the whole time
>she screams and flings me over a row of seats
>I tumble onto a little girl's lap
>the little girl says "mommy, why is that man's pee-pee so small?"
>I climax, then enter a state of delirium from the choking
>two Death Eaters grab me and escort me outside to wait for the police
>"Ron! Hermione! Help meee!!!"
>receive two year sentence in Azkaban for sexual assault on a minor

>>78968430
It's just the bystander effect. Everyone feels like someone else can take responsibility. The best thing to do in that situation is to do something yourself, and specifically describe people you want to help you. Don't just say 'Somebody call an ambulance', point at someone in particular and say 'You call an ambulance', or 'You, in the red tshirt, call an ambulance'.

>Watching Peter Jackson's King Kong
>Dude comes in alone, with hamburger and cola
>Sits two rows in front of me
>Early in the movie
>Begins fumbling his way through juggling his burger
>Spills hot cheddar cheese on his pants and jumps up
>The hamburger and the cola go flying and spray on the people nearby
>Some dude gets pissed and goes to beat up the guy up
>Big ruckus at the theater
>Ushers come in and drag both hamburger guy and tough guy outside
>In all of that confusion the movie keeps rolling
>Theater refuses the rewind
>Lose a good 40 minutes of screentime
>By the time things have calmed the characters are still on the boat on the way to Skull Island

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>go see this piece of shit because my friend and I thought Jamie Kennedy was funny for some reason
>only white people in the theater
>all sassy fat black women in there
>anytime something happens that hoop and holler at the screen
>also jingle their keys
>why did I think Jamie Kennedy was funny

>Go to the theater alone
>Straight from work
>Late night showing
>Theater is pretty empty
>Go to the bathroom to change since my boss has a fit if someone uses the work shirt with the store logo outside the store
>Take my work shirt off outside of stall, it's the men's room anyway
>A girl got mixed up and was in one of the stalls thinking she was in the women's room
>She comes out while I'm shirtless
>I'm moderately /fit/, but nothing impressive
>She gets flustered, things get awkward as fuck, she bolts out of there while I rush to put my shirt on.
>Later walk into the theater
>As fate would have it, she's seated next to me
>She recognizes me
>I recognize her
>It's awkward
>Feel compelled to try to break the ice
>Rationalize the best way to go about it is through humor
>Joke that she didn't wash her hands
>I'veMadeATerribleMistake.avi
>She looks mortified, shuffles a bit and changes seats
>Felt like shit for the rest of the movie

>>78971906
What an uptight cunt

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>opening night of TDKR
>been crazy hype after Dark Knight and all the trialers
>RIP JOKER
>time before NSP
>go to theater alone and staff greets me with smiles
>sit 2/3 back because that's the best spot for maximum audio quality
>shake the hands of the people next to me
>do the fun movie trivia during trailers
>some weird dude with red hair walks in with a duffel bag
>offer him some milk duds but he refused
>whatever his loss
>meetup back with my new friends
>lights turn off and movie starts
>badass opening scene
>Oh shit it's bane!
>Last lines I heard before pandemonium
>"For You"
>milk dud-hating ginger stands up and sprays the theater with an automatic rifle
>stand up and run to door to escort the patrons
>the ushers run away, and thank me for my sacrifice
>sirens are going off and the numbers are thinning
>movie is still playing as ginger patrols the rows
>decide to play dead
>overhead Bale's reassuring Batman voice
>know I must stop this villain
>ginger walks past me
>stand up behind him
>"heh, nothin personnel"
>karate chop the hand holding the rifle
>it falls to the floor
>ginger falls from the force of my strike
>cops burst in
>approach them to inform them of the situation and my involvement in taking down the perpetrator
>get taxed and piss my pants
>Wake up in interrogation room
>banned from movie theater for life

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>first screening of LoTR:Fellowship
>sound issues during the first 5 minutes
>see some parents dragging out their two boys
>their butthurt will reverberate throught time and space until the heat death of the universe
>mfw they fixed the audio 2 minutes later

>>78967934
How long have you been here, eight months?

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>>78966055
>Fast hour

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I actually didn't think I had a story like this, but:

>go see a movie with a friend
>very few tickets sold, perhaps 5 other people in the theatre with us
>suddenly just as the movie starts about 5 babbling retards walk in with two of their handlers following them trying to sit them down quietly
>they sit right behind us
>"fuck"
>they're fairly well behaved barring a few groans and yelps
>suddenly one gets up, walks down the stairs and goes and stands in the corner right by the screen at the front of the room
>his carer walks down after him
>she then starts reaching for his crotch
>not even watching the movie at this point
>"is she getting his cock out? what the fuck" etc
>turns out, the retard is starting to piss himself and the stupid bitch just whips him out and lets him piss all over the wall of the theatre
>once the lights came on and we were walking out I made an effort to look over at the "site" and the carpet was soaked
>absolutely disgusting

I don't know how I almost forgot that.

Why do so many of you specify that your story took place on OPENING NIGHT? Wow you were one of the first tens of thousands of people to see it that's hella cool my dude

>>78972304
>t. poorfag

>watching Godzilla 2014 with my Dad
>vaping shits above us keep blowing it at people instead of up or way
>old lady getting fed up with the clouds everywhere
>gets up and smacks the head vaper with her purse, vape hits the floor and shatters
>vaper all butthurt
>LADY THE COST ME 200 DOLLAHS
>Old Lady says "shame on your parents for raising you stupid but it must run in the family, they give out condoms for free"
>vapers go out to complain
>they get banned for life

Owner is friends with my Dad so that's how i found out about the ban, it was for vaping mostly but they had other harassment complaints against them for kicking seats and other dumb shit.

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>>78954586
>Both guys bail
Fake or not this line makes it too real

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>>78972501
Based old lady

>in high school
>go see Bruno with a couple of m8s (no homo)
>family of four comes in and sits in front of us
>boy no older than 11
>girl no other than 13

I'll give them credit for sitting through the whole thing, though

>>78954586
AUTISM

>>78954888
Get a room faggots

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>>78951951
>Mom is a drunk
>Knows Dad is the parent who doesn't scare the shit out of us
>Tries to win brownie points by taking me and me alone to Return of the King
>She hasn't seen any LotR films
>She's obviously drunk as fuck
>Loudly comments on how horrible everything is
>One guy politely tells her to stop
>She does for a while
>Some other dude's baby has been periodically making noise
>Mom gets up and starts yelling at him, fighting back tears (she was weird)
>Everyone in the theater starts heckling her, distinctly remember one guy just saying "Lady, PLEASE"
>She throws out a bunch of "how dare you"s, grabs my hand and drags me away
>Cries in the theater lobby for an hour about how fucked up she is
>Drives me home slurring about how awful the twenty minutes of movie we saw were
>Molests me later that night
Anyway it was a heck of a day.

>>78972844
>Molests me later that night
Well that was a twist I didn't see coming....

>>78971906
>Rationalize the best way to go about it is through humor.

Jesus anon. You know women suck at humor.

>>78951951

Idk if this counts

>be 16
>go to see 300, dad is real history buff was almost prof
>is legitimately excited for some semi-historical action (esp after Alexander when he yelled 'ZANDER WAS'T JUST A FAGGOT at the screen before we walked out)
>turns out, another homosex Greek movie
>we endure it, eh was somewhat fun
>could see the disgust in father's eyes, the embarassment
>"Hoplites were heavily armored and the Immortals were gayer than Alexander" "fucking damnit"
>me and bro laugh
>is awkwardly quiet at stop-light b/c he's about done with hollywood
>giant old-school astro type van going through intersection
>axel breaks and wheel shoots off at 50mph into another car
>completely destroys the other car's front end pushing it sideways
>astro-van keeps driving nofuxgiven.jpg sparks shitting out for the next 400 yds til it finally pulled over
>we all shit ourselves laughing
>can hear the historical angst in my dad's maniacal cacophony
>overall 7/10 night

>>78959243
>gf

NORMIE GET OUT

>>78972501
what bunch of shitheads
makes me ashamed to vape

>>78972971
Nah man vaping isn't the problem it's people wanting attention for doing mundane things

>>78968277
more guys pay attention to some girls, the more they feel like they're hot shit

>>78961117
Please kill yourself

>>78952022
I tried choking an asshole and it was working until some guy pulled me out with his finger. The asshole ended up puking everywhere.

>>78968277
Girls aren't content being planets, they need to be stars with multiple planets competing for the gravity.

>>78955632
Based grampa

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>>78973006
pretty much
I only vape at home anyway

>>78954538
>>"DO YOU THINK SHE'S DEAD?"
>>"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GON LIVE WITH NO HEAD?"
>>"I DONT KNOW MAYBE AN AMBULANCE WILL COME"
>>"THEY IN THE FUCKIN WOODS"

my fuckin sides

>>78959243
>Falcon
I honestly was kinda believing you up till you brought in the shit memes.

>>78969133
They didn't get the meme, I live in Italy so they must have taught I was some drunk american or something

>>78954538
I've said it before and I'll say it again: There is NOTHING funnier than seeing horror movies with loud black people.

>>78966055
>Fast hour
Okay a minor kek there

>>78954869
>About 15 years ago, someone started shooting off fireworks inside the theater. Like no shit bottle rockets screaming through the room.
No fucking way this happened.

I kinda hope it did tho

>>78952722
Why the fuck not? Fucking white people. Whenever I work at fast food I offer them cheaper alternatives but usually they don't take them, and lose money.

>>78973959
because coupons/free tickets are a scam anyway, if I don't want to go I won't go

the main money comes from concessions so the free ticket loses them next to nothing and they make their money anyway

>>78961619
>>walk up to stub ripper...say "IS THIS YOUR WHOLE JOB? YOUR PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD LOL" rip my own stub because I'm not an idiot
As someone who occasionally has to do ticket taker duty this triggers me to a new fucking plane of existence.

>>78961753
>"Yeah don't want her on her back too long, look what happened last time!"
Dear lord

>>78962670
>I remember all the scene kids wanted to go see it ironically or whatever
Oh lord I remember when doing things "ironically" was the hip and hot new trend.

My craziest story is really tame.
>Go and watch Tinker, tailor, soldier, spy
>Eat popcorn while trailers are showing
>First three minutes of the movie
>Guy next to me is upset and asks me if I'm "done yet?"

>>78962140
>Pompeii, 79 AD

>>78962140
Hawaiian or Icelandic?

>>78958808
ctrl vv

>>78971906
>Joke that she didn't wash her hands
Don't worry anon, I thought that was funny.

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>>78951951
I watched Atlantis at the theatre and this fucking asshole next to me starting talking under his breath, talking about how much hotter Kida was than Audrey.

So I called him out on his shit waifu taste and decked him.

>>78953759
You're thinking of humans

>>78953052
>rouge one
>pizza

I hope you hang, you sick pedo bastard.

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>>78974869
you both have shit taste

>>78971906
I feel sorry for you, if it helps.

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>>78971906
>go to theatre alone
>middle of a weekday, so theater is half-empty
>sit alone in the center of the entire row
>9/10 milf comes in, sits right next to me despite all the free seats
>mumble something like "I'm gonna move so it's comfortable"
>forget that I have popcorn a half-open bottle of water on my lap
>try to stand up, bottle drops, manage to catch popcorn
>pick up the bottle, but half of it has spilled
>movie starts
>milf tries to pretend like she didn't see it and holds her laugh
>can hear the spilled water flowing towards the front of the room

>>78953485
>The Two Towers opening weekend
>little kid next to me has obviously already seen the movie once and is now watching it with his buddy
>he keeps talking to his buddy about what's going to happen right before something surprising or big happens
>"oh Legolas is going to something badass now!"
>Legolas proceeds to shield-surf down the stairs

The only time I ever went to the cinema with my big brother and all I remember is that annoying kid telegraphing everything. I was too young myself to dare say anything.

>>78974941
>choosing the whore
>choosing the whore who doesn't even survive the movie

pffft.

>>78967814
lel my sides

>>78953485
>her

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>>78971906
Fucking hell, anon, thanks for that. My stomach genuinely hurts from laughing.

>>78961508
>wearing a shirt and tie to the movies
>normal looking

Where the fuck did you live? If I saw a fucker wearing a tie at the cinema I'd be looking for where he was hiding the guns or bomb. And I'm a guy who likes wearing a tie.

>>78975442
maybe he was coming to movies straight from work