TAKE MY WIFE PLEASE

the best one liner of all time

>>78885290
>TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE
It really needs the comma or the joke doesn't work on the page

i dont get it, is he a cuck?

I don't get this joke

>>78885683
>>78885677
He get's no respect, i tell ya.

>Henny explained the origin of his classic line "Take my wife, please" as a misinterpretation: in the mid-1930s he took his wife to a show and asked the usher to escort his wife to a seat. But his request was taken as a joke, and Youngman used the line countless times ever after.

>>78885677
>>78885683
he doesnt like his wife

>>78885683
Wife-hate jokes were hilarious back then

GAVE ME SIX MONTHS TO LIVE,
COULDN'T PAY THE BILL
GAVE ME ANOTHER SIX MONTHS

>>78885926
This joke is literally the whole premise/script and origin of Married with children.

>>78885290
SHE SAID COME OVER, THERE'S NOBODY HOME.
I WENT TO HER HOUSE, THERE WAS NOBODY HOME!

WENT TO A FANCY HOTEL, TOLD THE BELL BOY TO HANDLE MY BAG, HE FELT UP MY WIFE!

>>78886068
I SAID HEY, WHO TOLD YOU YOU COULD GET FRISKY WITH MY WIFE, HE SAID EVERYBODY!

MY DOCTOR TOLD ME YOU'RE FAT.
I SAID I WANT A SECOND OPINION.
HE SAID FINE, YOU'RE UGLY, TOO.

>>78886101
>>78886068
>>78886030
>>78885982
Not knowing the difference between Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield. Good jokes are timeless, though.

>>78886068
>>78886101
>>78886177
genuinely funny

>>78886197
"six months to live" is a youngman joke

>>78886177
DOCTOR ZAIUS DOCTOR ZAIUS

>>78886197
Saw Rodney on Johnny Carson, it's funny how Johnny just leans back and lets Rodney do his thing like he owns the place.

BARTENDER ASKED ME WHAT I WANTED, I SAID SURPRISE ME.
HE SHOWED ME A NAKED PICTURE OF MY WIFE!

>>78886310
I hate to go full grandpa mode, but Johnny really knew how comedy worked. I was pretty impressed when I watched him. I thought people were praising him because of nostalgia, but he always does the exact perfect thing comedy-wise. How he interacts with the guest is a good example.

>>78885683
You need to say it so it sounds like you're giving an example at first. "Some women hate cooking. Take my wife, please, take her.

>>78886310
that one segment was funnier than the entirety of everything jimmy fallon has ever done

I ASKED MY WIF IS THERE SOMEBODY ELSE?
SHE SAID THERE MUST BE!

>>78886263
I stand corrected.

A couple for /tv/:
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
My motto is "Love thy neighbor". My neighbor is an 18-year-old hooker.

Here, all the best from "The King of the One-Liners". https://www.funny2.com/henny.htm

File: 1451606978509.jpg (43KB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 1280x720px

Truly a cuck visionary

>>78886483
Our next act is a puppet act, he's going to becoming out here with a puppet and pretending it speaks.