TSA Stories/Embarrassing Baggage

wrap it in tin foil and copper wire and hide it with your laptop/ tablet/ chargers. they will just think that its another electronic.

They won't care about your dragon dildo, OP.

>inb4 the thread turns into how everyone brought back their hentai doujins from japan

Not really embarrassing but I had to step aside and get patted down for the first time. Boxers + basketball shorts the machine thought I had something in my groin area due to the baggyness.

I was going through security at Bangkok. They saw something in the x-ray, I don't know what, and made me take out a bunch of things and pass them again through the scanner. Everyone in the line saw my condoms and viagra.

I was coming back from Japan via UK with a flight change in Turkey

When I was drunk with a bunch of /jp/sies I ended up buying lots of girls clothing in Donki the week before, I took them back because I shilled out like 100 euro and they were cute. (I'm not gay though)

So it gets to customs and of course they have to check mine, I'm in a line of about 20 women in burkas or Hijabs and here I am with some customs officer pulling out all my crossplay and trap doujinshi.(most of the doujins were hidden with non-H so that wasn't too bad).

Shortly before me though some woman in a hijab was freaking the fuck out because she didn't want to be checked, she was arrested and sent away with police.

>>1261772
I once had my handcuffs, and some condoms, taken out when they saw them in the X-ray. I just joked about it with the security lady, and we flirted a bit, she let me pass no problems.

I wasn't so lucky on my airport transfer though, as they confiscated the handcuffs.

>>1262846
Similar story from my trap ass coming out of vegas. I was with my GF who was into it, and my suitcase had some weed and a bowl I was looking to take back.
My clothing was shorts, t-shirts, lingerie and heels. Scanned it again, and probably thought the bowl was a buttplug and declined rescreening the bag after rooting through my panties and nightgowns and studing the still image of my new bowl on the xray.

I think I got lucky that it was two women about my age working the checkpoint. It could have just as easily been a buttplug, but it wasnt. so I got a souvenir and a story, Im sure they got a story too.

>>1262839
Underrated post

Not so embarrassing as it was frightening, but I had accidentally stuffed some X tablets into my melatonin pill holder and, the night before I flew out, gave out my acid reflux medication to kids in a club by mistake, and didn't realize it until I had arrived home. Security didn't raise any questions, but Christ did I break into a sweat thinking about what would have happened.

Protip: Don't ever buy drugs that are the same color and approximate shape as your medication

>>1261772
Not super weird, but I had a roman mythology book in my bag, and I was detained because im sure they thought it was a quran or some shit. and I found out I was right when the TSA agent spoke to me about religion and morals to get some idea of who I was

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>You have been randomly selected to be publicly searched
>Again.
>You're still not a terrorist? Well have a good flight
I'm not even fucking Arab.

>>1263135
Oh it's the worst if you bring a big book. I brought William Gaddis' JR and they had to pull me aside and searched my backpack just to make sure it was a book.

As a kid on a trip to Tunisia my parents asked me to pack some toys in my bag.
They didn't check beforehand, Nothing went wrong when we boarded in Paris, but when we reached Djerba the X ray showed my toy revolver. 3 guards pointed their machine guns at my dad while he carefully extracted the gun by the muzzle with two fingers.
A bit unsettling.

>open laptop please
>porn plays loudly
This bad joke actually happened to me

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I fly about twice a month. Every time they inspect my hair wax.

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>>1263135
>>1263137
Proud of our Brave Boys 'n' Gals in Blue keeping you people in your place.

>>1263242
I heard nivea creme boxes and hairwax are the easiest way to smuggle ... stuff. Never gonna try myself, just saying.

>>1263242
Does this count actually count as "fluid" or something, since one can only bring 100ml as hand baggage?

>>1263314
>fluid
Gels are in the list.

>>1263137
>Oh it's the worst if you bring a big book
I had a company book, as in the big ledger that you're encouraged to buy when you incorporate a company but actually never use because who the fuck keeps company books in paper anymore.

It was inspected at the Shenzhen/HK border because Chinese customs were afraid I was smuggling bibles. It's not even remotely the same size being an A4 book about an inch thick.

>>1264054
The bible isn't even that good.

>>1263278
>buy large shower gel bottle
>stuff your weed into a couple of plastic bags
>roll it up and push it into the bottle
>close it up again

It worked even when the dog was sniffing through my stuff. I wouldn't recommend doing it tho. I got scared as fuck.

>>1264130
That wasn't a drug dog then, it was an explosives dog. Dogs can only be trained to locate one scent reliably ( at a time ) so drug dogs and explosives dogs can't find things they aren't trained to find. You're a moron if you really think throwing some weed into a baggy and tossing it into a container would get past an actual trained cannabis dog.

>flying from JFK
>this way please sir
>long ass line, all white males, all 20-30 years old, all without shoes
>scanner was some weird rotating box instead of the usual arch
>I had coins in my pocket which made the box produce many nasty alarm sounds and red lights
>sir you got something metallic on you?
>yeah must've forgotten some change
>try to reach in pocket, guard grabs my arm
>motions another guard to search me while he holds me
>guard fishes two quarter dollars and a dirty napkin from my pocket

>>1264108
>>1264108
>>1264108
top kek

>>1264149
Not to mention that it would be as obvious as fuck on an xray.

>>1263137
>>You have been randomly selected to be publicly searched
>>Again.
>>You're still not a terrorist? Well have a good flight
>I'm not even fucking Arab.
Ehh, random selection isn't random. It's one way flight plan, buying your ticket last minute, flying standby, not doing early check-in, that kind of thing, no checked bags. The actual selection formula is secret, but you are probably one of the common criteria known above.

You could always do a TSA pre-check fee, so you can get very scrutinized once and then be done with it. But, you should just be positive about the security at least tagging people for the better screening altogether. It usually just means a little extra patdown, and about 5 minutes to handle and touch every item in your carry on. Run the cotton ball over everything. Ask you an intrusive question. Oh well :/ They already know you're not a jerk, so don't act like one and give them reason to prolong it.

>>1261772

OP here. Of course I got pulled aside for a bag check. It was embarrassing, but discrete. However in my embarrassment I left my iPad behind, so I cost myself a couple hundred bucks.

>flying to seattle from filthadelphia
>bringing my pistol in checked bag
>tell TSA i have a pistol to declare
>show them it's padlocked in its case in my duffel bag
>they swab it down for explosives residue
>after this I get through security in about 5 mins
Such is life as a white american

>get caught with AK74 mags in my luggage leaving moscow
>spent a few minutes arguing in broken english with russian guards
>they let me go

Another time
>in Georgia (the country) and had a couple AK47 mags in my luggage
>security guard flipped his shit
>took me aside
>made me walk to the basement? of the airport
>the place where all of the checked luggage is loaded
>made me point out my baggage
>he opened it up
>made sure no AK47 itself was in there
>looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and said "Sorry"
>gave me my magazines back
>went back on my way

Both times the people I was with thought I was going to a gulag kek

>>1265767
how much did those 74 mags cost you? true blacks or plums?

I'd like to get some when I visit russia, it'd be a cool souvenir. I might mail them home instead though

Returning from nepal they scanned my bag 5 times and asked me 10 times if I had a lighter.
They probably thought I wanted to export hash.


Got too late for baggage checkin once. Had to take my bag through security. They were very astonished of what they saw. Probably lots of condoms, 2 scisors, 1 big swiss army knife

>>1264149
there are no drug dogs at airports

>>1265855
Plum and Bakelite 74 mags were $7 and $6 respectively.

In Georgia I bought Bakelite AK47 mags for $10 each.

>>1265904
what the fuck

it's like $25 minimum here for shit-condition plums or bakes

>>1265997
Yea I bought as many as I could, sadly it was only a total of 6 74 mags and 3 47 mags.

>>1263314
LAGs
Liquids, Gels, Aerosols

A female football team came through recently. Every single one of them had a dildo in their carry on.

>>1262839
Haha you dirty dog
>>1263089
Noice
>>1265870
In australia they have fruit dogs

>>1261775
lol

>>1265321

They should profile anyway...Israel does and it makes sense.

Forgot I had a redbull in my bag.

Got pulled aside and they searched through all my shit.

the embarrassing part was being pulled aside. I'm a good goy and this made me feel bad. I told her to throw it away and ran off to my terminal.

>>1266085
Israel does it in a completely incompetent way though.

I have a massive fear of authority figures and become a blubbering wreck around border people.

Always fun during screenings when they realize I'm not smuggling, just autistic.

>>1261772
My dad is a retired soldier, and he had those metal little things which you need to remove from a grenade before you want to use it.

I once put it in my backpack and I managed to forget it there. I travelled through europe with that, I still don't know if I was lucky that they didn't stop me from questioning or they didn't care.

>>1261772
Nothing too embarrassing. But having an emergency passport since mine got pickpocketed means being searched everywhere I go.

>>1266022
I'm glad a fellow /k/ommando browses /trv/. I had to take a break from the fetid retardation that is plaguing our board

>>1266135
grenade pins? it's just a metal pin with a hoop on the end, totally unremarkable

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>>1266282
this shit

>>1266320
The thing that looks like random metal on an X-ray?

>had a panic attack last day of trip, just want to go home
>walk through scanner with belt on
>get yelled at
>take it off, get back in line
>walk through scanner again
>headphones are still in my pocket
>yell "god dammit" while I'm still standing in the scanner
>"sir step aside so we can search you"
>realize how stupid I'm being, start saying "sorry" repeatedly to TSA agent
>he finishes his search and finds nothing, I'm still apologizing to him, he stands up straight, grabs my shoulders, looks me in the eye, and says "Listen man, don't apologize, NEVER apologize, LOOK AT ME, NEVER APOLIGIZE
>o-o-ok thanks

He was like a father to me

>>1266417
>I'm still apologizing to him
it's good to just not talk to them, yes or no sir, and leave it at that. You fit a profile if you're chatty/nervous.

>>1266320
That's the spoon, the pin is the bit attached to the ring.

It's just a random piece of metal, even people who recognised it aren't going to care.

You'd only get in trouble if it was sharp, or they thought it could be sharped into a shiv, then they might take it.

Which gives an idea for hijacking an aircraft by making a shiv after security out of some hard plastic or some sort of innocent looking piece of metal. You could probably break apart a tablet to get some piece of metal that could be fashioned into a shiv in the restroom before boarding.

>>1265729
Nigger what were you bringing back that was so embarrassing?

Accidentially smuggled weed into Australia, Dubai and London. Just forgot it was in the pocket of some pants. Nothing happend though.

I saw a middle aged guy get his bag searched at Manchester Airport and all it had in it was the same candy. An entire carry on full of bags of identical candy.

>have ADHD
>get visibly anxious while waiting in airport lines
>guards inspect my bags 2/3 times
>they just take a peek and let me go
fortunately i'm white

>>1267951
>I saw a middle aged guy get his bag searched at Manchester Airport and all it had in it was the same candy. An entire carry on full of bags of identical candy.
His kids might really like it and it's not obtainable wherever he lives, this is common with immigrants/expats. A buddy of mine went home for a trip and when he came back, I had ordered a shitload of habanero chips for him to carry back for me, in my defense, I didn't realise how big the bags were.

Alternatively, it could be product samples or something but those would generally be different kinds rather than all the same.

But if you're say, German and in Berlin airport and coming home to your British family with a nearly empty carry-on, why not fill it up at the airport with some kind of hard-to-find German candy from duty free? I do that sort of thing all the time.