ITT: times you fucked up

>>1254989
well that was a disappointing story

>>1254998
I live a boring existence, that's probably the most out there thing that happened to me

except Bar Penetrate that I regret walking into

>>1255005

Tell me more about bar penetrate

>go to Finland for a week with the lads this January
>had a wicked weekend in Helsinki
>drive to a log cabin 5 hours north in literally the middle of fucking nowhere
>the directions are shit and there's no 3G
>gets pitch black
>there's a snowstorm
>get our rental car stuck in snow down some tiny little trackway in the middle of a pitch black forest
>spend the night in the car
>wake to some bloke on skis knocking on the window, it was his driveway, he helps dig us out and gives us directions in his best pigeon English

I was pooing myself

File: 18835359_10212630141658237_1467550566_n.jpg (51KB, 720x433px) Image search: [Google]

51KB, 720x433px

>be me
>visiting beautiful Dominican Republic with my gf
>staying in Cabarete (on the coast) during Semana Santa
>shit is dope
>decide to hop over to Puerto Plata
>go to 27 charcos which is a bunch of waterfalls you can jump over and into the pools below
>shits dope but a lot of work hungryasfuck.jpg
>decide to eat there, gf says I have to try the pesca frita (fried fish)
>literally the most delicious fish ive ever had
>fast forward six hours
>tummyrumblies.jpg
>feel it coming on, say I feel sick, rush over to friends house in POP
>proceed to vomit for 30 minutes
>murder me, harry
>they give me activated charcoal
>this does nothing and just turns my vomit black
>vomit some black vomit for 30 minutes
>start to feel better
>need to get back to hotel in Cabarete
>only thing running are carro publico which is a sedan that 7 people cram into
>get in, pass out while trying not to vomit
>make it back to hotel
>start shitting and vomiting
>run out of things to vomit up
>can only shit now
>go through a roll of toilet paper
>ask concierge for another
>use that up
>no paper left, concierge gone, have to use the shower as a bidet
>vomit and shit more in 24 hours than I have in the last 23 years of my existence
>luckily my gf takes care of me
>decide not to go to the hospital in this sketchy country since trip ends in 3 days anyway (3 days after i first got sick anyway)
>head back to states
>somehow I don't puke or shit myself on the plane
>get back to states, go to hospital
>they put me on anti-biotics, bill is 750 dollary-doos
>been back a few times and had no problems

pic related: it's the fish

File: 1493595446228.jpg (133KB, 872x960px) Image search: [Google]

133KB, 872x960px

>>1254989

>be 10
>visit the US for the first time
>take elevator at hotel
>press 4th floor
>elevator goes to top floor for some reason
>door opens
>there is only a short hall and a closed door
>elevator door stays open and unresponsive
>freakout.exe
>hyperventilate like a retard
>push all the buttons randomly
>think I am going to die alone in a third world country
>someone calls the elevator from the lobby
>door closes
>saved by a kind stranger

>layover in Singapore, international connection
>get in the immigration queue like a fucking retard
Also accidentally going to really nice restaurants alone dressed like shit that you didn't realize was nice until you got in, and the whole time you feel like your presence is just ruining everyone around you's fancy date night

>>1254989
>In Malaysia, had booked a train ticket a month or so in advance.
>The train was at 11:30pm on the 12th from this small town called Gemas.
>I was in Malacca and needed to get an hour long taxi ride to Gemas
>Looked at my clock and it says past midnight... I've missed the train and would have no chance of booking another as it was Eid El-Fitr and all the trains were booked for weeks.
>Start panicking as I have a schedule to keep
>Look for alternative travel arrangements, there's fuck all available because I was heading to Kota Bharu
>Sitting in hotel room for ages
>Look at clock and realise it says 12:30am on the 12th... I had looked at the clock after midnight and forgot the changing date.
Pretty stupid but it was my first time travelling solo and I was a little stressed, especially in Malaysia.

>>1255644
this reminds me when me and my friends decided to change our itinerary, and skip huaihua near the end of a china trip... the guy who run the guilin hostel we stayed at even told us we were one day early, but we were like 'wut?', and forgot it cause we got a cheaper room than originally booked.

fast forward to a few days later, we get into shenzhen with the last train that is 5 mins late (all others were booked).
take the metro to the hk border, as we thought we had a hotel booking there for the night (and wanted to continue the trip in hk). border closes literally when we get there. we did a half-hearted attempt to try and convince the mainlander officers to let us through, but like, ain't nobody wants trouble there, so when they said no, we were like "okay, change of plans", and started leaving the station.
some white dude tells us to go to the back of the station, to the official taxi stand, as there are only sharks elsewhere. (this delayed us with like an hour...) the much more useful thing we got out of him is that he wrote the name of the closest 24hr border crossing down on a post it.
the taxi stand had like 1 taxi there for 30+ people. at first we assumed that there would be, you know, more coming. but then that one left, and no new ones showed up. i noted down the number on the side earlier, attempted to call them... in very good english they told me they did not take orders in english (not too surprised). on a second attempt i tried with my minimal mandarin, but i didn't get what they were asking... as my friend checked, and there really were only sharks in the front, we decided to book what we thought was another hotel, stay in shenzhen (it was midnight, we were tired). cont.....

>>1255696
i start checking hotels on my phone, we manage to pass the sharks (most aggressive people we've seen in china, they were shouting really loud, touching us, etc.), and with just one more minute of walking, we realize that there are dozens of taxis passing on a big road there every second.
we try waving them down, nothing.
we try asking teenagers for help to ask for a taxi over the phone in chinese for us, they're scared of us.
within a few mins, our hero of that night showed up. we showed him the note with the name of the border crossing, he managed to wave a taxi down right away. acted like he was our good friend, confirmed the destination repeatedly with the driver as we got in, checked the meter, all that. i looked at the buses online in the meantime, turned out that one of the shuttles stopped literally in front of our hotel in mong kok. like the same side of the street even. we got off the bus in front of the building of our hotel in mong kok around 2am. there were many signs, but not one for our hotel. some guy stops, asks us what address we're looking for, manages to tell us it's many kilometres away on the same road. we're fucking tired, but not dumb, so we only walk away for a bit to get rid of the guy, and to get a better view of the building... and we find the reception, yay. they just tell us which floor to go to. at the hotel reception they tell us we're actually too early, that we booked from a day later. they again gave us a cheaper room than what we booked?! it was really fucking small, like 'have to go out to the hallway to open my bag' small, but no one cared at that point.

the low point was when we knew we were standing right in front of the hotel, but did not find the entrance... all of us were so stressed at that point that we had to try really hard not to flip at each other.

>>1254989
Wow what a heinous story about a major life event. I hope everything worked out in the end and you weren't too emotionally scarred. Such a brutal tale will surely be worth disemminating to your children and their children some day.

Onwards and Upwards.

Now to get the last 39 seconds of my life back.

>semester abroad in Japan
>go to my bank in Germany before
>"oh sure, your EC-card works around the world!"
>be in Japan, money gone
>try EC-card at 20 different ATMs
>None of them work
>Father goes to German bank and asks why it doesn't work
>"Oh, well. Japan is always complicated with EC-cards"
>Wait two weeks to get new credit card
Had to eat toasts with kiri for the two weeks and drink that disgusting tap water from my dormitory. Also couldn't go to university because no money on my Suica card.
Never trust anyone.

>>1255109
sounds legendary desu

>>1255005
you can't just say you walked into bar penetrate...

File: bald guy on ecstasy.jpg (226KB, 1591x861px) Image search: [Google]

226KB, 1591x861px

>go to Berlin
>visit the hard techno club Tresor
>digging the music, the people, the atmosphere
>wearing beanie because I shaved my head
>people came up to me because they thought I was a drug dealer
>make friends with actual drug dealer who was doing business in the bathroom
>bring him customers in exchange for free drugs
>took all of the drugs at once
>literally looked like the guy in pic related
>spent all night trying not to die when the 330mg of ecstasy I popped with everything else caused my body temperature to spike

I survived, so I can say it was totally worth it, but if you ever go to Berlin, don't do the drugs unless you've worked your way up to the doses that they are accustomed to

>>1255408

>bringing your gf to the whore capital of the carribean

The fish was only one of a series of fuckups.

>>1255743
Lmao, this.
I remember tripping like a fucker, feeling like shit.
Also, for some reason I stopped speaking English at some point in the night, couldn't speak a single word, had to use Spanish/Italian, Germans didn't understand, I didn't understand either.

Good Brazilian boy approached me and helped me calm down, gave me some Xanax he had and also tried his best to speak Spanish.

Eventually I became a normal person again and was able to get back to the hotel safe and sound.

Still, pretty shitty adventure, took what they called a "magic pill" or something like that. To this day, I have no idea what that shit was.

>>1255408
might have been ciguatera buddy, its all over the place in the tropics and especially in herbivorous fish like the one in the pic (parrotfish), if so thats some pretty gnarly shit

>>1255724
I nearly had a similar issue with Maestro in South Korea. After having looked at 10+ ATMs with many different logos on them (no Maestro), I went 'fuck it', and tucked in my Maestro in one of them. (No POS terminal would accept it btw.) I don't know if you actually always have to confirm the type of card or not on South Korean ATM's, but the ATM listed 10-12 different card types, everything from Visa to AmEx, but no Maestro. The only logo I did not know previously was the bank's own logo who ran that ATM. As I know my card was not Visa/MasterCard/UP/etc, I picked the bank's own logo. And I managed to get cash like that with Maestro. I was crying happy tears. lol

>>1255867
Having sex with a Dominican prostitute is literally numero uno on the list of ways to make your dick fall off

I didn't really fuck up but I feel this is kind of relevant.

>In Hpa-N in Myanmar
>Wake up with eye hurting a lot
>Think I got something caught in it while motorbiking
>Try for hours to get it out, nothing works
> Girl I was traveling with says I should go to an eye clinic
> Finally cave and agree, walk there by myself
> At this point, my eye hurts too bad to use and I just clutch it with one hand
> The second I walk in the worker freaks out and tells me to go to the hospital in broken english and points me in a general direction
> Stumble down the street half blind for a kilometer or two until I finally find the hospital
> Walk in through a random entrance and ask for help, they lead me to the emergency room area
> Place is filled with Burmese patients and nurses are running around all over the place. I get bumped into the front of the line thanks to my supple white skin
> Filled out some paperwork and sat around contemplating if I'm going to lose my eye

>>1256060
> Finally get lead to the eye care area, where I get a nurse and doctor that speak excellent english and seemed very educated. They run some tests on some surprisingly new equipment.
> They think its conjunctivitis (pink eye) and give me some eye drops and tell me to come back tomorrow when it will probably be fine.
> Wander back to my guest house and crawl into bed.
> Spend the next 24 hours in excruciating agony as my eye feels like somebody forgot some screws under my eyelid. Clawing at the sheets kind of shit. The only way I found relief enough to sleep was to sleep with my eye peeled open in a weird way.
> Back at the hospital the next day, they say its not bacterial conjunctivitis and is probably viral. They seem kind of worried and recommend me to go to the hospital in Yangon.
> Do some research and realized that viral pink eye isn't a huge deal and the only thing I can do is wait for myself to get better.
> Camp out in my room for a week avoiding the burning light of day and writhing at night. Pretty much just slept, thought about impending doom, or listened to audiobooks.
> Once the pain became manageable I said fuck it and took the next bus out of there. I was getting sick of staying in one place.

Took weeks to fully recover. I was really impressed with the doctors, but they never once let me know that pink eye isn't a big deal. Most of the time I thought I was possibly going to lose my vision. Thank God for WebMD!

Like to think I've never fucked up, paying a few dollars extra in asia for an item instead of haggling harder is about the extent of my fuck ups.

>Travelling the Americas.
>Just finished most of the states, fly down to mexico.
>Shit country, would never recommend.
>Flying out of Mexico, only have carry on backpack I take with me everywhere never gets checked.
>Start arguing with mexicunts because they won't let me board without checking the bag to large apparently.
>Fuck what ever then tired as fuck just want to leave, was locked.
>Arrive to JFK for a rest before heading back to Cuba
>Open bag to backup photos so far.
>2 gopros, and Sony RX100 stolen.
>Somehow they didn't find laptop in back sleeve.

Never raged so hard in my life, partly my fault should of taken the expensive items out wasn't even thinking clearly $2,000 worth of gear later insurance wouldn't pay out since no police report in the country it happened.

>hiking in a gorge
>2 hours out
>need to shit
>need to shit right now
>trail is next to stream at bottom of gorge, only steep cliffs around
>need to go offtrail because some foottraffic
>walk further, does not present better options
>begin climb up
>very steep, using trees to haul myself up because feet are sliding
>get to top, pants are down
>two guys are coming down the trail
>cannot move because slope, there is no cover but thin brush
>freeze in squat position and go quiet
>can see them and hear their conversation, feel like a creeper, yes pants are down still
>watch them and listen to my own heartbeat
>guys take forever to pass, pretty sure they did not spot me because they did not look up
>start shitting
>think it will be fine, nature's position, will be clean
>it's a gooey green-tinted mess of moist looking soft serve
>gonna need some wiping
>have no tp, no leaves around that aren't crispy from winter
>grab sac of goldfish, tear packaging apart to separate the paper part
>use this to wipe; it is messy and unpleasant, this is not angel soft
>running out of wrapper
>have no way to pack it out without getting shit all over inside of my pack
>leave pile of shit and shitty wrapper in woods
>realize I shat above a stream
>feel bad
>slide down the hill, resume hiking

All my /trv/ is also /out/, sorry.

I also threw up all over a starbucks when I went to NYC. The smell hit me the wrong way I guess. They had to close the store to clean it.

>being 16
>first self paid holiday with friends
>renting a cabin in the mountains for a week
>hiking for 3 days straight while heavy drinking
>shitty shoes literaly burn a flesh wound to the Achilles tendon on the second day
>can see the tendon moving trough the hole and stuff
>have no medicine nor a working telephone
>its gets nasty inflamed with pus and fever
>start drinking whisky 8 in the morning against the fever and pain
>leaving a day earlier while my friends try to carry me down the mountain
>still have the scar on my foot
>did this sort of holiday 3 times again

>>1256170
what is wrong with you ahahah

>>1256061

Fuck Health issues/abroad

>In Japan, staying at a hostel
>follow meme advice to go to the fish market for sushi at 5 am next day after arriving
>cold as fuck since it's December and I took my light jacket instead of my coat
>next day wake up with difficulty to breathe, extremely tired
>get better during the day, but still fucked at night
>wake up next day worse
>cycle repeats, I fear it's pneumonia and I'm going to die
>around 6th day in, hit futon I'm sleeping in
>toxic cloud of spores and dust and shit rises up
>realize this shit, along with the enclosed space I was sleeping in was causing my breathing troubles
>sleep that night with head hanging out of the pod
>wake up much better, but still switch to a cheap business hotel for the remaining nights

The more you know

Not really a fuck up but whatever

>Be 5' 10" 155lb manlet
>lift regularly but dont really put on much weight
>visiting NYC
>taking late night train back to where I'm staying..no idea where I am exactly just know station to get off at
>punjab dude and his gf start fooling around beside me across aisle .. she's got his dick out and shit
>only one nearby that can see
>call them disgusting pakis fucks
>dude gets up and shows me some faggy knife he has (after zipping up) and says he'll fuck me up
>I've been /fit/ lately so he's about 175 lbs, 5'9" or so and mostly fat but muscle underneath.
>Get an idea
>s-sorrysir.xml
>he goes back to his gf
>they get even more into it, her panties off, his dick in her mouth etc.
>train comes to my stop
>grab my big gulp filled with melted sugar shit from 7/11, 75% full
>when doors open dump it on them
>aimed for where his dick met her lips
>ran off train
>doors closed

still have her shrieking babboon sounds tattooed on my brain

>me being newfag in europe
>go to amsterfam get droogs
>live is good
>go italy
>pasta and rabbit yum
>go to train, everything in urope language
>wtf y no english
>wander around screaming where train to swaziland
>see nice man with doggy
>grabs arm and takes me back room
>talks in italy
>show penis
>no no no
>touch penis and smile
>no no no
>where droogs
>not amsterdam u italy
>pull bag out of pooper and they say goodbye stupid american

>be me
>in costa rica
>eating breakfast on beach
>beach cafe has this cookie jar
>tfw on tight budget
>owner leaves for a sec
>thereismychance.gif
>steal two cookies
>native at the cafe laughs at me
>haul em in
>tfw i apperently laid in bed for two days and i cant remember anything after that scene until the next day

apperantly i stole "magic cookies", and ate two of them, desu karma is a bitch

>>1256409
who hurt you hahahaha

>>1256409
>Implying the confusion wasn't from the fact that nobody returns a big gulp

>>1254989

>be 7
>inna department store in Germany
>get seperated from family
>freak the fuck out as i don't speak german
>decide to camp out between the sliding doors at entrace/exit figuring they'll have to oass through there eventually
>tons of smokers, basically a gas chamber
>decide to run around in the store until i find them
>found them a few minuted later

Not really that bad in hindsight

File: Armenia2.jpg (3MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 3264x2448px

>Visit Caucasus for a vacation
>Go to small ass village in Georgia
>Point at random dish from the menu in a small restaurant
>It's chicken and milk
>Start feeling really sick in my stomach by the time we reach Armenia
>Spend next few days carrying around as many bottles of water as I can while needing the toilet every 10 minutes
>Visiting monestaries in 40C weather and 2000m altitude doesn't help
>Make it back home and doctor tells me I have Salmonellosis
>Shit lasted for two more weeks before I could finally go outside again without constant toilet breaks