>fap >cum >cum gets in your pubes

>fap
>cum
>cum gets in your mouth

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>fap
>cum
>cum gets in your dick

>>5345274
>fap
>about to cum
>clench the top of your dick around your fist so you cum hard into your own closed palm
>no other cleanup needed, just wash your hands afterwards

gg no re

>>5345742
kek, that happened to me once by accident

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>>5345274
>fap
>cum
>cum gets in your eye

>Fap
>Cum
>Keyboard isn't dishwasher safe

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>>5345274
>fap
>precum gets all over your hands
>have to clean up before you cum

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>>5345274
>cum
>cum
>swallow

>>5346069
This is my method but I was too busy to jack off for a whole week once and then when I finally did and tried this it was a fucking disaster. Only do this if it's only been two or three days since you last fapped, otherwise find some other solution.

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>Fap
>Cum
>Cum gets in your navel
>Finger navel a bit

Ever heard of a posh wank, you poor tossers? 1-2 drops of silicone lube in a condom feels amazing, there's nearly no cleanup and you don't have to make any considerations for mess- just go all out til you cum and you can even relax for a bit afterwards.

Git gud at wanking.

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>cum on body
>I'm shaved smooth

>cum gets in your face or hair
>you won't even notice it and stay like this the whole day

>don't sleep or fap for three days
>fap
>cum
>ears ring and head goes fuzzy and pass out
>roommate walks in on you covered in cum
Not my proudest moment but sleep deprived fapping feels amazing and is significantly safer than auto erotic asphyxiation

>>5347157
That once happened to me when I was trying out how hot cumming on my own face would be.

No sir, I don't like it.

>16
>fap
>lying on back because too fucking lazy to sit up and fap
>cum
>I had a rag ready to catch it on my chest
>underestimate how far i'll cum
>cum on face, mouth and eye
>holy shit, it burns my iris
>run to kitchen sink
>mum is cooking dinner
>sees son with his face streaked with cum
>didn't speak at all during dinner

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>horny enough to give self facial
>cum
>regret sets in as soon as the first drop

>>5350753
>Cum gets inside your nostrils

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>>5345274
> Don't fap.
> Walk around.
> Pubes get in your urethra.

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>have explosive diarrhea
>shit gets on your legs and asscheeks

>mostly paralyzed from the waist down
>fap
>orgasms still feel amazing
>cum oozes out so I can just use my thumb and forefinger to catch it all and eat it with no mess

I fully recommend getting in a car crash.

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>>5348097
What went wrong?

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>>5351027
>get really turned on from shitting yourself
>end up cumming your pants involuntarily

fap
cum
think about cocks
make cummies again :3

>>5351070
why am i so turned on by this cripple

>>5351172
cocks are so great
and cummies is such a great word :3

>>5351222
pls do not mock me mr trips

>>5351070
I'm not paralyzed but my cum just oozes out too.
It's annoying because I end up with big goopy loads that come out slowly so I have to spend more time cleaning.

>>5351238
But I'm serious!

gosh darn it
you all stop with the oozing cummies
I am getting worked up

>>5351249
oh
forgive me fellow cockslut ;-;

>>5347130
>by accident
Sure

>>5351252
Then fap.

>>5351260
it's fine, you're cute.

>>5351275
my dick is sore from being lewd all day
>>5351279
y-you too

>>5351292
Come on anon, just one more time.
What's the harm?

>>5351301
my foreskin might swell up and I wont be able to fap for a day or two

>>5351111
Sauce?

>>5351313
You don't have to fap, at least tease and touch your penis.

>>5351350
i have no self control ;-;

>>5351406
Boys who can't help but play with their cocks are the best!

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>fap
>cum
>can't pee for hours

>>5351424
tfw no one to force you to make cummies ;___;

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>>5351442
>sleeping
>cum in my sleep and it hurts
>try to pee and it feels like I'm peeing acid and rusty nails

>>5351453
I'd force you if I could anon. I'd make you keep stroking your cock until you're shooting blanks.

>>5351472
assistance might be required at that point :3

>>5351491
You want me to milk you dry, cutie?

>>5351509
till I collapse in your arms :>

>>5351533
We can cuddle and kiss.
Just make sure you let out a lot for me <3

>>5351566
b-but I will be passed
maybe you can revive me with some cummies :3

>>5351608
Okay!

>fap
>feel like cumming in your mouth
>pussy out the half second before cumming

Every time

>>5351649
c-can I add you mister?
discord/email?

>>5351661
What's your discord?
I won't be able to do much right now, but you're cute!

>>5351761
chad#1072

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>don't grab your tissue quick enough

I generally only fap once every 7 days, because I find the orgasm so much more intense and satisfying.
Also excessive cum is my fetish, and holy shit the load is massive after a week.
The only downside is I'm prone to having wet dreams during the week.

>>5351783
Alright, sent a request.

>cum on doggie dildo
>lick and suck the cum off
>choke myself with a cum covered doggo cock
I'm becoming an animal dildo addict [spoiler]someone pls kill me

>>5351949
Good. Go deeper.

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>>5349296
This happened to me but I went to /v/ and and passed out the thing was I don't have roommates but I live in a apartment and my blinds were open so people could see me passed out and covered in cum and since I went to /v/ right after a bunch of memes were on screen so it looks like I was jackin it to memes

I think it was the pacha meme

bump for lewd

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>>5346069
>fap
>about to cum
>clench the top of your foreskin shut so you cum hard into your own foreskin
>no other cleanup needed, just go to toilet to dispose of cum
Why does nobody else do this?

>>5356629
Because I have phimosis so because I did that a lot as a kid I had really bad smegma.

>>5351442
>>5351466
>cant piss after cumming
>wet dreams
I never got these memes. I can piss seconds after an orgasm completely fine, and not once have I ever had a wet dream or have even met someone who has.

>>5357092
They're fucking shit, and I don't consider them to be wet dreams since I can't remember anything. It's just me waking up usually in the middle of the night while my dick is unloading into my boxers, then I have to get up and clean the mess. Ruins my fucking day.

Fuck off retards, stay on topic
This shit needs to be moved to >>>/trash/

>>5357230
Wait where was this originally

>>5357869
ur mom's fishbox

:^)

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>fap for the first time in at least 3 days
>edge for about 2 hours lying on my back on bed
>cum
>shoot a thick ass load
>lands all over my face and chest
>the shame makes it all the more hot

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>>5345274

>fap
>think of sniffing those butts
>cum
>keeps thinking of sniffing those butts
>"do they all smell different, I wonder?"

>>5345274
>fap with circumcised dick
>cum by accident
>now can't find any enjoyment in fapping until a week from then
Fuck you meme dragon there are worse things out there.

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>fap
>always wanted to have a cock cum between my buttcheeks
>lay down on my back with my feet in the air hanging over me while my cock is angled towards my butt so that when I cum it'd slide down between my cheeks
>succeed
>enjoy the warmth of a cummy butt.

>>5346069
google retrograde ejaculation

stop doing this, it's bad for you

>>5347157
this is the worst shit. THE WORST SHIT. Cleaning it out with water doesn't even help which is fucking retarded

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>>5345274
>edging
>press butthole in with finger
>cum all over the place involuntarily

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>>5345274
>fap
>cum
>semen flies everywhere and in everything

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>no fap september
>finally ends
>in the dark of the night, drag tablet to bathroom to fap to waifu
>edge for a while, can't hold back any longer, this is it
>fuck yeah
>mfw my semen was all yellow-colored
>mfw it flew all over the place, including on my dad's tablet's case, which was a fancy fuzzy case

>>5357092
I usually fap in long sessions every other day. If I miss a fap day I will literally have a wet dream that night and it sucks ass. The worst are the wet dreams where nothing remotely sexy ever happens and you just wake up with a moist wad of cum on the tip of your dick.

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>Fap
>About to cum
>Feel depressed
>Lose boner

>>5363051
>tfw no bf to service while he sleeps and pretend he had a wet dream
End this shit.

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>really like threads where anons talk about their fapping habits/addictions
>they always turn into "what would you do if i was there oh yeah fuq my boipucci cum in my mouth" rp garbage

>>5359010
I'm not completely closing off the top of my dick yo. The jizz still comes out it just goes into my closed palm held around the head instead of all over the place.

>fap
>about to cum
>close legs fairly tightly
>orgasm but no cum comes out
>no mess and feels good
I have a feeling it's not good for me but fuck it

>>5351074
Something something total blowout, I'm sure.

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>>5347240
>not using pre as lube

>>5366338
>complaining about garbage in /trash/

>fap
>Get really close
> Look down
> See my clapistan mark of the Jew MGM
>Lose boner
>Cry self to sleep

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>>5356706
I chew smegma like gum

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How many people eat their cum? Ever since like my second wank sesh I ate my cum.

Tastes nice and no cleanup.

I know some straight friends who do it too, and I only became gay because of degenerate furry porn. (Sfur slowly started liking the dicks etc, still mainly jerk to Loli/straight fur/normal porn though)

Seems way more convenient than not eating cum

>>5358779
ha

>>5356706
Huh. I can sort of relate but I probably never had phimosis in the first place: I was just convinced by my parents from an early age that, if I pull my foreskin back, my bellend would fall out.
A decade later, during my teenage years, I was in pain trying to pull back my foreskin to see whether it was true or not.

No one just let's cum soak into their skin?
It's chock full of protein and good for you. I usually just cum on my belly and leave it.
It's like a nice warm lotion.

>>5368362
I sometimes spread it on my hand. Cum is surprisingly good for the skin. I've had girls tell me that they were jealous of how smooth my hands are, even though I lift and sometimes help my father with heavy work.
Aren't people actually trying to make lotion out of semen, anyways?

>>5368526
I wish that were true, but alas
>Semen is alkaline since sperm are happier in an alkaline environment. Our skin, on the other hand, is acidic — and “putting an alkaline substance like semen on it disrupts the skin barrier,” Fishman explains.
>disrupted skin barrier is bad for everyone because it makes the skin more prone to infection and oxidating substances, which age the skin by destroying collagen and elastin.” So not only does putting semen on your skin not actually rejuvenate it, it could actuallyageit.
https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/hey-internet-semen-facials-are-a-terrible-idea-211127923.html

>>5368675
Shit.
I've been believing the "cum is good for your skin" meme for a little while. I remember people claiming it was good.
I wonder how my faglord hands don't feel like sandpaper, which I assume they should.

>>5368675
>yahoo article
>not a .org or .gov
>much less, it's journalistic
We need concrete stuff, anon.

fap
make cummies
keep looking at big fat dicks
make cummies again :3

>>5368709
But the doc inside says it

>>5368717
The vagoo is highly acidic to prevent infection (lactobacilli) so your sperm makes up for that with a higher pH. Your skin works the same way and has a lower pH to kill any infections. Neutralizing your skin is a bad idea. It takes a few mins on ncbi to find articles for all of that if you are that desperate.

>>5368764
I was saying that it was a bad idea, anon

>>5368675
>pH of semen 7.1-8.0
>pH of skin about 5.5
Neglible, doesn't neutralize.
Typical soaps and lotions are alkaline as well.

>>5368849
Well, what arguments do you have FOR putting cum on your skin? I'd love to have a valid reason for doing that

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>fap
>cum
>read thread
>fap again

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>he doesn't fap by humping into a towel wrapped around his dick
>he has to worry about where the cum flies

Absolute plebian wanking technique

>>5368872
I'm lazy

>>5368890
I did this with a sponge when I was younger but eventually if get hard enough that my foreskin would be pulled taught to the point that I'd just be slamming my dick against rubber. Hurt like a bitch at that point

>>5368890
Yeah, like I'm gonna explain to my family why are the towels filled with cum-stains

My mom already trashed one of my shirts because she found a growing fungus on it

>>5357092
Wet dreams suck, man. I used to have them before I figured out how to masturbate properly. I forget what kind of dreams I had. I remember one of them involved Samus and tentacles.

>>5368939
Just buy a towel for yourself and be diligent about cleaning it.

>>5368881
What in this thread could possibly be fapworthy?

>>5371101
horny anons fapping and being dirty :3

>>5349121
You then have a fucking condom to dispose of. At least with tissue you can just flush it.

Eating it's an option too.

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>fap
>don't cum

>>5345742
>>5347130
How does this happen?

>>5345990
what is retrograde ejaculation

Does anyone just cum into their palm and just go wash it off afterwards?
So easy, no mess ever.

>>5374553
>Not licking the cum out of your hand
Recycling anon!

>>5374553
No, I make too much cum and it ends up seeping through between my fingers.

>>5374624
gottah learn to cup your hand really well
Sometimes it does but it is a lot better than it being everywhere

>>5345274
this is why I shave my huevos.

And I use HUEVOS SPLASH for the aftershave, for that smooth, clean feeling.

>>5367220
i typically lose my desire to eat it after I orgasm

>>5368939
clean yer clothes nigga

>>5371101
if youre gay, a lot

thankfully, im fairly gay

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>edging then cumming on all fours over waifu
It's a good feeling but I hate cleanup afterwards

>not making a little towel blanket to wrap around your dick so you can cum freely with little to no clean up
Am i the only one?

>>5374106
I was on antibiotics for a couple of weeks, and funnily enough antibiotics can keep you from cumming.
looked it up too, it wasn't just me. it was weird; I could orgasm, but nothing happened...

>>5379461
I just shoot into my trashcan

>>5356706
i cant because my parents mutilated me

>>5374425
fap while laying down

>>5379564
That doesn't sound bad. At least you don't make a mess.

i just cum into a square of toilet paper

if it's a LOT of cum, i just keep wrapping it in more squares until it's not going to drip, then chuck it in the toilet

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>>5369092
>Wet dreams suck
>I remember one of them involved Samus

I don't understand this post

>>5366590
It's going in your bladder, anon

You might actually get a serious infection when it starts to rot

>>5383141
Bullshit, a single square?
No single square of toilet paper is soft and absorbent enough to prevent leaking or dripping.

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>>5384362
>The perfect startup to a toilet paper ad

>>5384362
>leaking or dripping
Assuming your cum isn't a liquid.
Most peoples', I would presume, is a solid-liquid, so a coagulant?

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>>5345274
>fap
>cum
>cum gets in your beard

I'm just afraid that I'll not notice it one day and forget to clean it up

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>fap
>cum a ton and it soaks through your boxers getting your sheets wet
>as you roll over to go to sleep you can feel the cum on the sheets touching your back

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>>5385980
I know that feel. Finally someone gets my situation.
Here's some material I've got off to.

>>5385914
My cum liquefies in a minute or two after spurting.

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>fap
>cum
>you now have a jizz odor
>everybody can smell it
>you can't.

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>>5387781
>everyone around you is sick and has a stuffy nose

>>5374553
Most of the time I just shoot into the sink but recently the cum sneaks up on me

>>5374553
This, I don't see what the fucking big deal is.

And if it seeps through the fingers just make sure there's nothing underneath so you can clean it later, it's not rocket science.

>>5356706
Oh shit, I used to have pretty bad phimosis

Finally got myself mutilated a year ago, this is the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life, the scar looks horrible, but at least I got a functional dick now and faps are not painful anymore

>>5388057
I'm still working on it with stretching exercises. Hopefully one day I'll be able to pull it back all the way.

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>>5363086
>Fap
>About to cum
>Think to myself: "Anon you sick fuck you could have a girlfriend by now and be a normie but instead you choose to wack it to horses."
>Lose boner.

>>5388141
Yeah man, good luck, I genuinely hope they'll help in your case

Generally I'd say avoid the surgery because it's a very unpleasant experience (not the surgery itself, it takes 15 minutes, but the 1-2 months of recuperation), but if you'll have to resort to it, it won't kill you and in the end will only improve your life

>>5346069
>Clench the top of your dick around your first

Nobody else noticed this?

>>5388270
Not like I have any choice. I don't have the money to afford the surgery.

>>5388279
Does it require an excess of foreskin?

>>5388291
I'm not really going to patronize you here but you should consider making it your financial goal, maybe ask relatives for financial aid here

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>>5388327
Only about this much.

>>5388279
>>5388327
I thought he meant he basically came into his own hand.

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>>5389457

>>5389457
Delet this