Field Kit Inspection: Background Extras Edition

>>55302884
>>55302884
whats the work?

>>55302884
INDEED MAJOR, ON A SIDE NOTE WHERE ON TERRA IS THE COMMISSAR?

>>55302884
>Steve jogs over, carrying flowers and other trinkets in his arms
I AM HERE

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>>55302884
Film? I hope I'm not starring in the leading role, I call dibs on the waiter one

>>55302902
Extras, more than likely, Gelt.

>>55302906
She's...

>Cutaway to the Commissar siting on her bed in her room. The floor around her is surrounded with several dozen empty wine bottles.

...busy....

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>Silently, stands about. Looking rather grim.

>>55302908
AH STEVE, GOOD!
>presents a boot
I GIVE YOU THIS AND YOU DONT BREAK MY LEGS, AGREED?

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>>55302884
Oh great, I bet it's Viktors fault, like ordering a bunch of whiskey instead of actual food last month

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>>55302906
And don't forget to ask about the courtroom

>>55302946
Right... major we need to talk. In private.
It's unrelated to the commissar.

>>55302908
>Matthias would nod his head at the bullgryn. Confused by the massive amount of crap he was carrying, but not willing to speak up about it.

Very good, Steve....

>>55302931
I'm not sure exactly what type of propaganda film it is. I only know that the director is looking for background extras. Probably to play dead bodies.

>>55302951
>>55302954
>Steve throws Michael out of his way to get to belasya, he runs up to her and presents the "gifts", flowers, gold, shiny bits
Hello belasya, these are for you my friend

>>55302946
should I get my "by the god emperor this man is stylish and rich" robes or my "by the god emperor this man is covered in sacred oils and clearly is a hard work" robes

>>55302980
Truly? Well I can't say that guard isn't qualified for such job

>>55302992
Uhhh, thank you Steve, umm here, I got another pair of boots instead of a helmet, you can have them

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>>55302908
Hey there big guy, you having a good day?

>>55302966
>glares angrily as the priest
No...
That was resolved.
Don't ask don't tell

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>>55302884
>>55302966
Oi! Wotz diz t'ing called "pro'pah'gan'da"? Iz we bein' kunnin'ly sneak'eh? Whoz we gun'nah Krump?

>>55302995
It is probably going to be one of those movies about the evils of cowardice and how glorious are heroic deaths. I wouldn't bother...
Do you happen to have a spare lascutter, by the way? Mine got, uhm... broken.

>>55303018
Do you like them, tech priest said to give girls flowers, so I got flowers
>>55303020
Im not sure!

>Looking about, wonders where the Film Crew is.

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>>55303058
Nice of you to finally show up for once, Sergeant.

As for what kind of movie it is. As I've stated, I only heard it was some kind of propaganda film, that they're filming out in the grass field a few miles east of our base.

>>55303020
Malone! It's good to see that someone is keeping their plasma gun in tip, top shape! Good work!

>>55303099
I'm serious Matthias. We need to talk in private.

>>55303058
Sure here
I think I'll get the styling robes might take me a bit

>>55303037
It appears someone is filming a movie around here, my friend...

>>55303127
Filmin'? Oh! You mean dat stuff, wot I did when oi wanted ta earn da teef for a fancy new shoota when oi was a nob?

>>55303099
Captain, can I avoid being scripted in? First thing first, if they asked for someone who broke a long time ago i would be sent away for being too much of a stereotype. And also, I am busy with a... side project.
>>55303123
Thanks magos. I am almost done, just need to finish the face and then I will return it.

>>55303127
One of these days your gonna tell me about how you met him and I'm talk about the year I spent as a slave in the dark city

>>55303075
Well they are quite n-nice(?)

>>55303114
>Matthias would turn to the priest and frown.

Very well. If you're acting like this, then it must be a rather serious matter.

>>55303150
I'd ask what your gonna Do with them but I don't really care

>>55303163
You sound confused, why is pretty belasya confused

>>55303099

>Resting his Chainsword on his shoulder, asks the Major when the film Crew is to arrive.

>>55303145
Kind of... I don't think it was the same kind of movies however...

>>55303153
It's a funny story actually. Once we get a minute we should chat.

>>55303174
>Michael would lead the man to his quarters before locking the door behind them.
Matthias, tell me.
Have you ever heard of the 9th grand prophecy?

>>55303181
I'm not confused, just...suprised, yeah

>>55303191
I have to change robes but yes
( be back in a hour)

>>55303178
Oh you will see. Everyone will.

...
...i am trying to wink but i don't think my augmentic eye can do it. Do you think it is broken?

>>55303150
That would be "Major", Sergeant Rook. Please correct yourself next time.

As for being scripted: it's entirely up to you. We're simply on guard duty for the next few days, here on planet.

>>55303206
Why are you suprised, priest men said if you like a girl you give her gifts, that is true right?

>>55303099
The old girl's high maintenance, but it's worth it, sir.

>>55303218
Yes major. I will be off finishing the Commissar's memorial then.

>>55303191
Real'eh? Huh.... You surez it ain't gunn'ah be? Oi was pretty gud act'tah back den! Was in ATLEAST-
>The or- greenskinned Servitor, would attempt to count on his fingers, how many films he had been in.

Uhhhh.... Four, carr'eh da seven.... Toimes dat by da waaagh.... Decided by explosions..... Uhhh..

Wot comes aftah six?

>>55303269
Seven my weirdly sentient, servitor friend

>>55303202
>Crossing his arms across his chest. He would shake his head.

I can't say that I have, Micheal. Then again, I'm not exactly privy to the vast libraries of the Adpetus Ministorum.

Why? What does it pertain to?

>>55303241
...I think yes, for humans at least...wait if you like a girl?

>>55303269
>>55303283
Seven indeed.

>>55303319
Yes, that's right

>>55303283
OI! IZ YOU'Z CALLIN' ME A GIT? ILL KRUMP YA 'EAD IN, YA FLAMING BASTARD, AN' UZE YA SKULL FER A HAT!

>>55303356
>>55303341
Is he supposed to do that?

>>55303365
Sometimes... It's on his nature.

>It would be at this moment, that a group of interns and Servitors, would begin to set up a hand full of tables at the center of the outpost's airfield.
>Each table would then have a sign entitled "Extras sign-up" taped to it's front.

>>55303347
Oh okaaay...oh,ooooh noooo

>>55303312
No, I wouldn't expect you to...
>long, exasperated sigh
There is a theory, that the very emperors soul was... fractured...
And soon after, it drifted... quite far apart from it's source.

Therein the prophecy begins.
It was foretold that these fragments may be able to inhabit new bodies, symptoms of this may include mass depression, the avoidance of said depression by turning to addictive substances, a grim look upon our grand imperium, and constant hallucinations followed by strange lucid occurences of primarchs.
It was said that an anomaly of this sort could cause a... lapse in the judgement of many people, them seeing many strange things as completely ordinary.

I am asking you to keep a lookout for anyone that might be showing these symptoms.
The prophecy looks upon the occurences of these symptoms as the first stage towards the entire galaxy being in dreaded peril.

>>55303425
Whats wrong belasya, did you not like the gifts, I can get you better ones, what do you want

>>55303386
Huh, I hope he doesn't get too aggressive
>>55303417
Oh there it is
>An old sniper comes to the table
Umm hello, I'm Barrington Von Gladstone and I would like to sign up as an extra

>>55303365
DON'T YOU'Z BE QUESTIONIN' ME, YA LOUSY GIT! I'LL BASH YER' FACE IN, AN' CALL YA PASTE!

>>55303386
Boss! Dey'z bein' a bunch of gitz! Lemme smash 'em good! Showz you oiz a good ork- out mean! Sir'v'tour! Showz you oiz a good Sir'v'tour!

>>55303438
No,nono I like them, they are nice, I'm just wondering why you brought them to me

>>55303417
This is priest Michael of the adeptus ministorum.
I am signing up for the extras.
And while I'm here, sign up one "Belasya" for the closest thing to a dancing position you can find

>>55303429
>The major would remain silent, for the longest time, before finally letting it a sigh, and speaking up.

So what you're asking me to do, is to keep an eye on every bloody member of the regiment...

>>55303448
Because you a great and nice and I like you a lot
>>55303455
Oh, what's my job

>>55303417

>Shrugging, Wolfe walks up and waits to sign.

>>55303440
Relax. You're a good servitor. Albeit you would need to loose some steem...

Hmm...

Perhaps the movie they're doing can help. Try to make yourself useful on the base, we're trying to build a trustworthy reputation here. Perhaps you could help the troopers enlisting for the movie with your acting skills

>>55303455
>One if the interns would hand Michela over a stack of about 900 papers.
>At the bottom of each page, there would be a section he would need to sign his name on.

>>55303473
Oh, that's nice...
>>55303455
You what?
>>55303417
>She runs up and pushes Michael out of the way
Don't listen to this old idiot, sign me up for aaaaa a body, a dead body, yes

>>55303463
Just keep a look out for anyone with an inexplicable resistance to pain or death, an odd fear of medical personnel, and someone who can't stand three seconds without consuming an addictive substance.

>>55303498
VIKTOR, WHERE ARE YOU?
VIKKKKTTOOOOOORRRR!

>>55303510
Yay! They said give her gifts, then win her over, so...
> he takes a long thought
I think im supposed to take you on a date

>Receiving his papers for the role as an extra, sits down and begins meretriciously filling each of them out.

>>55303534
...*internal screaming*
Oh boy...look Steve I like, but as a friend, so I have to refuse your invintation to a date

>>55303489
Oi! Datz be a great oidea! Iz no wonda'h you'z da boss! Oi'maah go an' sign up fer' it!

>With that, the Brutish Ork/Servitor, would waddle his way towards one of the tables. Bashing through everyone in the neatly ordered line. Sending the m flying away, or squashing them beneath his armoured feet.

>>55303417
>When he reached the front of the line. Having successfully thrown the last person in line, a good two dozen feet away. He would slam his powahklaw into the table. Scarring the young intern running the table.

OI! OI'M SIGNIN' UP FER DIS HER' PRO'PAH'GAN'DA FILM! AND YOUZ IZ GUNNA LET ME! UNDAHDTAND!

>The intern looks, as well as smells, as if he just shit himself, as he shakily hands the massive brute before him, a stack of papers.

>B'Ork, unable to read even the letter "A", in high gothic, simply signs the sheets, by attaching an active frag grenade to the stack of papers, and handing it back.

All dun! 'ere you go!
>Waddles away.
>The poor intern would look on with horror at the grenade, for the two seconds he had left. Before being blown to hell, and pelted by burning hot shrapnel.

>>55303489
>He waddles back over to Depherion. A joyous orkish smile in his face.

Out t'ink out got da part!

>>55303587
>Golf Applause.

Now try doing it without killing the staff.

>>55303512
>Matthias would let out a sigh, while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

That's still a tenth if this entire regiment. You realise that, right?

Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>55303575
*rolling to woo her*
Are you sure about that belasya?

>>55303610
>The Ork looks confused by his best friend's words.

Wotz you mean, boss? Oi didn't kill anyone. At least... Oi didn't kill anyone im'poor'tant.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>55303656
Wrong dice

>>55303656
Umm yes, sorry. But we can still be friends right?

>>55303642
I do Matthias, I do...
But it is of utmost importance that word of this prophecy does not spread, and that if this person truly exists, they are found quickly.

This is a grim matter of life and death.

And by the way, the trial got resolved surprisingly enough, I was let off with no warning. Aparrently it was something about an "outstanding donation"

>>55303672
> Steve is visible enraged as he marches back to camp, sounds of him destorying things and screaming at himself can be heard

>>55303664
It doesn't matter if important or not, they won't get you into the movie if they are dead.

>>55303690
*Sigh*Let's hope my meatshield gets over it it...

>>55303706
> an entire wall is seen flying out of camp as Steve yells at himself for failing

>>55303705
Oh, oi t'ink dey will, if dey know wotz gud fer' 'em! Hehehehe..

Besides! Diz is 'ow I got all me uthah roles in da past!

>Captain Smith would be sitting down eating a sandwich and drinking tea, while reading the weeky Praetorian Times

>>55303679
>Matthias would let out a sigh, before unlocking the door and beginning to take his leave.

Understood...

>Michael will have finished off the last few pages of his paperwork before finally handing it in with a thinly veiled threat on the back to not bother him with any more

>>55303765
>A door flush past him and fire rises from the camp

>>55303757
Good luck then.

(I'm going to have to call it quits for the day guys I have to go to party in 30 min and I have to drive there. I'll see you tomorrow at the court.)

>Finishing his daunting amount of paperwork, hands it back to the film Crew, before wandering off.

>>55303779
WHAT ON TERRA IS GOING ON HERE?

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>>55303779
>Matthias would be quick to react at this point. Voxing for MP's to assist with dealing with fire.
Dammit! What in the the Emperor's name is going on!?
>Rolling to see if the fire can't be put out.

>Barrington finishes his papers and hands them over to the interns

Rolled 37 (1d100)

>>55303779
>I'd get up quickly, and attempt to put the fire out

>>55303806
>Steve roars louder as he begins to destory the tech priest's quarters>>55303810

Rolled 5 (1d100)

>Sighing, attempts to help put out the flames.

>>55303834
I will let you get on with that BUT AS SOON AS YOU ARE DONE I WANT A WORD WITH YOU!

Rolled 28 (1d100)

>Smith would look to everyone
GET DOOOOWN!
>The ammo dump would explode, primarily near smith
>Rolling for damage on myself

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>55303810
>Unfortunately, the fire has already spread out to far. Having consumed mess tent's grease tanks that we're being emptied.
>This has the unfortunate side effect of spreading the fire towards the base's ammunition dump.

TAKE COVER!!!
>Matthias would be quick to hit the deck, as the fireworks begin
>Rolling for how bad it is

>>55303843
> the priests quarters are in ruins as he marches to his ditch, he slumps down and tries to hide, even though he just destoryed the camp

>>55303846
>Since it was an ammo dump, Smith's lower right leg would get entirely severed from his body

Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>55303846
>>55303828
>>55303834
*Groans*Fucking drama queen...
>Belasya tries to calm Steve down

Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>55303868
Oh boy, Medic
>Barrington runs up to Smith and tries to bandage his stump of a leg
Don't worry chap, you'll survive...I hope

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>55303863
>Michael tries to save what he can of his quarters

>>55303877
> seeing belasya only makes him enraged again, after he calmed himself

>>55303899
>Smith would let out a nervous laughter

By george Gladstone! I'm a stumpie now! I'll have a peg leg! Ha! Ha!

>>55303851
>Rias strolls past and yawns
...Did Matthias try cooking again...

>>55303904
>he would salvage some metal looking thing before throwing it back in the fire.
>wasn't his business anyhow.
>Michael would walk back over to the film crew

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>55303928
Exactly chap, now sit down and rest
>>55303912
>Barrington takes aim with his rifle
Let's hope tranquilizer works
>Barrington shoots tranqualizer at Steve

>>55303971
> Steve sprints full speed at his attacker

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>55303981
>>55303981
>Seeing Steve charging him, I'd take out my revolver las-pistol!

>I'd fire a shot into the man's kneecap in a desperate attempt to stop him

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>55303981
Okay chap, calm down you can't get everything
>He takes another shot with tranquilizer

>>55303945
>Matthias would stand up, and glare at his wife.

First of all: the hell does that mean! I'm a decent cook! ...not great, but I can at least cook...

And secondly! Start helping damn you!

>>55304000
My revolver explodes, and I lose my hand

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>55304000
>Steve is somehow even angrier, he grabs the attacker and flings him at the others

>>55304025
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!
>an angry, smouldering priest would appear from the bushes suddenly

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>55304012
>Attempts to punch the man in the face to knock him out!

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>55304025
>Matthias would quickly turn to a team of MP'S.

Take him down, dammit! He's out of control!

>The men would quickly pull out their laspistols, and would open firs

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>55304025
Dammit, come on now chap, sleep!
>He shoots tranquilizer

>>55304025> gelt comes back with his black robes that actively suck light .
What in the machine gods name is going on

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>55304058
> Steve punches.Every.Single.One

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>55304076
>Michael walks over and backhands the brute

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>55304076
Oh goody you bastard
>Barrington retreats and takes another shot with tranquilizer

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>55304084
>Steve round houses the priest

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55304107
>Rolling to one hand shoot my lasgun at steve
>-1 since one handed

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55304107
>the punch flies off of michaels rosarius
>Michael punches the ogryn in the face

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>55304107
>The Mp's once more fire their laspistols at the Ogryn.

>>55304113
>MY LASGUN FUCKING EXPLODES
>I LOSE MY OTHER HAND

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>55304104
>Steve tries to block the shot with his shield

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>55304129
>Michael punches him

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>55304129
Sleep damn you
>He shoots tranquilizer again

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>55304129
>BACK TO BASICS LADS
>Captain smith hops over to the bullgryn
C'MERE AND GIT SOME YA RAT!
>Headbutts Steve!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55304141
> though slowed steve tries to punch the priest back

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>55304159
GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP GO TO SLEEP

>>55304157
>Steve is finally subdued

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>55304159
>The Mp's quickly load their power cells, and open fire once more, with their las pistols

>>55304169
>Smith hops ontop of the bullgryn, victorious

YES!
>Collapses due to bloodloss

>>55304169
Finally! By the Emperor, this took some time...

>During all this, Wolfe simply sat to the side. A look of Apathy and disdain, as he watched all this happen.

>>55304006
...do I have to...
>disgruntled wife noises

>The Kaptin just appears out of no where

GUD DAY YOU GROTZ. 'OWZ ABOUT IT?

>>55304176
> the shots awaken steve

>>55304228
Why hello loyal guardsman!
Are you here to join the performance?

Rolled 55 (1d100)

>>55304178
>Being the only Churgieon on base. Illya is quick to react, and begin bionic implantation surgery on the man.
>Without anesthesia...

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>>55304232
>He shoots again
Just sleep!

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>55304262
Wrong dice

>>55304235
ME? A FILFY' GROT? HAHA NO! I IZ' A FREEBOOTA' AND DA' BEST IN DA' 'UMIEVERSE!

>>55304242
GOOD HOSPITALIER!
I HAVE GOOD NEWS!

>>55304262
> Steve runs away crying, yelling at himself again

>>55304215
>Matthias would sigh, as he takes a look at the situation around them.
>The ammo depot was gone. Same with the mess tent. Half the base was burning. It had taken fifteen men to bring down the damn rampaging ogryn.
>And Matthias' and Rias' quarters on base were now buried under rubble...

>"Emperor, help me...!"

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>55304290
OI GROT!
>Punches steve full force in the back of the head to knock him out again

>>55304285
Ah, my apologies major.
I did not realise that you were more than a lowly guardsman.

>>55304298
SO MATTHIAS, ANY IDEA WHAT PART YOU WILL BE PLAYING?
I BET IT'S A GREAT ONE!

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>55304290
Just stand still!

>>55304301
>Steve simply keeps running, he is now trying to hide again

>Sits silently on the ground, as if refusing to take part in any of this.

>Michael would be with the film crew, trying to ascertain what his role would be

>>55304298
Do I need to fix things in the spirit of the commissar that's too busy tapping Luciena?
>she draws a plasma pistol and flicks on her Powerfist before putting on a Commissar hat

>>55304302
A MAJO-
>Suddenly, Toofrich gets an idea
Well now... Preest uh... MOIKAL! GIT ME SUM' OF DAT GROT STEW ON DA DUBBLE!

>from the side of the base, there would be the sound of slow clapping going on all.
>Any who looked towards it, would find a dozen plus Pict-capture Servitors, a full set crew, as well as someone clapping his hands.

Brilliant! BRILLIANT! THIS IS PERFECT! ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING IN THE MOVIE!

HANES!
>"It's "Hans", sir..."

Whatever, Hands! Just tell me you got all of that, Glory!
>"Yes, we did..."
Great! Now rewrite the entire script, so that we can have that put into our movie!
>The man would turn to face the regiment.

And all of you! You were all fantastic! Best preformance I've EVER SEEN! HANGS! Get rid of what's his face, we're going to replace him with a true STAR!

>>55304409
Okay...they seem to have liked our...ehm show

>>55304407
>Michael would turn to one of his guards
YOU HEARD THE MAJOR, GET HIM SOME "GROT" STEW ON THE DOUBLE

>>55304409
>Matthias would rise a curious brow towards the newly arrived group.

And just who in the bloody warp, are you lot?

>Sighing, he slowly shakes his head.

>Silently, he wonders if anyone would mind if he blew his own brains out.

>He fiddles about with his Bolt Pistol.

>>55304433
Hehehehehehe... now
BUILD ME THE BEST AND SPOIKY-EST CAR YOU CAN! ON DA TRIPUL!

>>55304470
>Michael would shout as his other guard to fetch a techpriest to build an overtly spiky transport

Well that is all for now major, I must go over to the performance

>>55304488
PURFORMANSE! YOU WOT MATE?

>>55304428
Beautiful! Just incredible! Way better than the shit my explosives guy does! So much better!

>>55304439
Oh! My apologies! Where are my manners. HUNG! Go get this man my business card!
>"You didn't have those made, sir."

I TOLD YOU NOT TO LISTEN TO ME, WHEN I DONT HAVE A GOOD IDEA!
>The man would proceed to slap Hans, across the face.
NOW I HAVE TO DO THIS IN PERSON!

*AHEM!* Sorry about that. Little miscommunication, it seems! I'm Saimes Mendus. Prehaps you've heard of me? I directed the last James Bondus 7007 movie. Spectral. Scored a 68% on Emperor critic.

Well I'm also here directing the newest one, which will be ground breaking! We've already spent 400 quadrillion thrones on it! And we're way behind schedule! It's going to be the best action spy film ever made! Will totally win me the Emperor's award this year for sure!

> a ship enters the camp, after several moments almost 70 ogryns pour from the ship, they begin searching for their commander...Steve

>>55304506
>Smith looks to the director, scrunging his face
It's my porn star history coming to haunt me
>oh no

>>55304499
FOLLOW ME GOOD MAJOR!
>>55304506
FILM CREW, THIS IS THE MAJOR!
I BELIEVE HE WILL BE OVERSEEING THE PERFORMANCE

>>55304506
Oooh sounds interesting! May I get a role of a waiter?
>>55304515
Oh hey chaps, Steve is under a blanket inside the baracks...part of them that's still standing

>>55304506

>Wolfe's loathing towards the Director seems almost palpable.

>He seethes. Several Guardsmen slowly edge away from him.

>>55304538
> the lead orgyn looks very confused
Wut you mean by dat, where is steve

>>55304506
>Toofrich snaps the neck of the director while in sentence
>Toofrich hastily puts on new clothes, being a tuxedo

ROIGHT YOU GROTZ. TODAY YOU IZ ALL GOINGTO PERFORM A MOVIE FOR DA WAAAG- I MEAN DA MORALE! SO!

AS PREFIOUSLY STATED, DIS COSTS US 400 QUADRILLION TEEFS TO GET DUN, SO YOU ALL BETTA WURK YOUR 'ARDEST!

>>55304557
>Considering that their director was just murdered in-front of them. The crew doesn't seem to really give two shits.
>Hans in-fact. Almost seems overjoyed by it!
>He would proceed to hand the new director the freshly edited script.

Here you go, sir! Just finished for you!

>>55304557
AH GOOD DIRECTOR, KILLING HERETICS ALREADY?

NOW, TELL US, WHO WILL BE PLAYING WHICH ROLES?

>>55304556
>He points at the barracks
He's there sleeping, under a rainbow colored blanket with the aquilla on it

>>55304598
> just then Steve leaves the barracks, rubbing his eyes

>>55304583
>Michael would snatch it from the man
NOT GOOD!
THERE IS BARELY ANYTHING ABOUT THE EMPEROR IN HERE!

I MUST MAKE REVISIONS!

>>55304557
>B'Ork. A far larger Ork. Would waddle his way, up to the new director.

Oi! Oiz the bigga Ork 'ere! An' if you don't wanna get a good Krumping! You'z is gunna makez ne da new Demo Goi! Undastood!

You'z probably 'eard o me anyways. Since oi starred in a 'ole bunch o dose, "Snuff films", when oi was a Nob!

I have a toothache and I wonder what do guardsman do if they get toothache/infection in a tooth or something? I know I know grimdark and shit, but there is no way you can send guy with swollen mouth to frontline right?

>>55304583
>>55304596
ROIGHT YOU GROTZ LISTEN WELL! WE IS DOIN A MOVIE CALLED JAMES BONDUS, 7007. WOT A ZOG NAME! DIS MOVIE IS NOW CALLED JAMES DA BONDULUS SEVEN! ROIGHT!

>I'd look to Priest Michael
YOU IZ DA SEX SCENE STUNT DUBBLE!

>>55304644
AH, GOOD CHOICE!
I AM DEEPLY SKILLED IN ALL FORMS OF PERFORMANCE!
MAY I ASK WHAT OUR DEAR CHEERLEADER, BELASYA WILL BE DOING?

>>55304670
>Belasya has already left for a patrol with the other guardsmen

>>55304644

>Standing up, he immediately walks off.

>He walks off into the woods, likely he will appear later. Maybe.

>>55304670
YOU WILL BE PARTNERING UP WIV' MICHAEL B'ORK. GIT READY FOR THE SEX SCENE YOU GROTZ!

DA FURST SCENE WILL BE IN DA BAR

BIG TIT SQUINTY EYE'D LADY WILL WALK UP TO JAMES BONDUS, WHO I HAVE NOMINATED TO SARGENT WOOOOLFE!
>>55304690
GIT BACK HERE YOU GROT

>>55304722

>Hearing this, Wolfe begins sprinting at full speed into the treeline.

>>55304624
You can and you will be sent to the frontlines if you can stand up and aim, unless there is no fight going on or we are on leave. In that case it is up to the field chirurgeon or, if you are lucky, the adepta sororitas. Pray that they don’t think it is a daemonic pox and blow your head up though, cause it is a bitch to clean up after.

>>55304722
>>55304692
Oh boy...
>Barrington will slowly walk to a makeshift campfire and have lunch

>>55304692
AND OI WAS KIDDIN' ABOUT DAT SCENE! NOW LAUGH YA GIT!

>>55304775
HA, VERY FUNNY MAJOR!
>Michael would be writing several hours of black text saying "worship the emperor" at random intervals throughout the play

>>55304756
You'z! Ovah der'! Get ovah 'ere, before I Krump ya skull in!

>>55304794
>He uses his bigger body, and larger muscles, to tear the script from the priest. Ripping them in half.

Now d'en! Since apparently, both da original star, and da big floopy boobie squinty ladi, just up an' killed dem'selves boi stepping on a land mine. Oi needs a replacementnfer da bof of 'Em!

>>55304828
Umm...sir, may I ask? What do I do?

>>55304923
AH, GOOD.
WHO WERE YOU LOOKING AT CASTING?

>>55304932
>The Die'Wreak'tah, would examine the man closely.

Hmm... Wotz you'z gud at doin'?

>>55304828
Sigh. Orders, sir?

>>55304965
I'm good at sniping and tracking...and making tea

I apologize for my actions earlier, and willing surrender for punishment

>>55305007
AS PUNISHMENT YOU ARE NOW FORCED TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS MOVIE

>>55304973
You'z is gunna play diz 'ere "Mun'eh pen'nah". Uddahwise, ioma crush ya skull in loike a bag Of Carrots! Undahstand

>>55304990

Hmm... Alright! You'z is gunna be dis 'ere "M" git! Undastood?

>>55305042
I don't think I can priest, after my, vivid response to failure at getting a girlfriend, I cant do much or I gonna go crazy again

>>55305075
TOO BAD, THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT!

>>55305067
... I am going to play a what? Whatever it is, I would hope it has augments for an arm and an eye.

>>55305092
What's my role priest

>>55304686
>Michael would suddenly and without reason appear to find her
BELASYA, GET OVER HERE.
THE DIRECTOR IS DOLING OUT ROLES!

>>55305093
We'z gunna make it work!

>>55305067
Ooookay...

>>55305144
>the sergeant wordlessly grabs a smoke greande and with a worried look drops it on her own feet, using the momentary cover to flee

>>55305119
Gah! W-where did you come from? And I'm on patrol priest and doing my...duty to the imperial guard

>>55305164
NOPE, OVERRULED!
>he would drag her by the ear back to the performance

>>55305164
Hello belasya, I apologize for earlier today, with me trying to kill everyone

Rolled 52 (1d100)

>After assigning everyone their parts, and handing out props. Toofrich would begin doing what directors do best.
>Make shitty movies that cost large fortunes to make.
>rolling for quality of movie

>>55305187
Ouchouchouch, let me go you crazy man!
>>55305193
Nah it's okay, I forgive you

>>55304506
will you need a technical expert for special effects?
as a magos of the ordos reductor I am an expert on explosives

>>55305247
>>55305234
MAJOR, WHAT PART SHALL THIS CHEERLEADER HAVE?

>>55305234
Bond! You are a loose cannon, but you get the job done

>>55305247
I will still make sure you no die when fighting, I am sorry for attempting love, I wont try it again

>>55305234
>Mediocare at best...
>The only reason the movie is any good, is due to the fact that the prop guns were actually real ones, that we're fully loaded. The explosions had been meant to kill, rather than look good, and numerous other things that had gone wrong.
>So far, 490 people had died, over the course of the six day shoot. And another 400 billion thrones had been spent.
>With the final scene all that's left. Toofrich needs to make this scene gold

ALROIGHT YA GITZ AND GROTZ! DIS 'ERE IS DA LAST SCENE, WHERE YOU'Z IS ALL SNEAKIN' KUNNINGLY INTA WOT 'APPEN'S TA BE DA BASE BELONGIN' DA SPECTRAL, AN' DER' DARK PANSY ELDAR GIT MINIONS!
NOW DEN! TAK YER PLACES, YA BLOODY GITS!

>>55305321
Whats my role mister?

>>55305321
>so confused by the lack of direction in this performance, Michael would be playing the emperor himself somehow.

YHES, FOR THE ME AND SUCH.
AND REMEMBER KIDS, MINISTORUM BRAND NUTRIENT BARS KEEP THE HERESY AWAY!

DONT FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH, HERESY BEGINS IN THE GUMS!

>>55305321
RELEASE DA DARK ELDAR PANSY'S! AN' GIVE 'EM DER GLOWY GUNS!

Rolled 5, 19, 17, 12 = 53 (4d20)

>>55305364
>From up in the roof of the studio, a hole would open up. Spewing forth dozens of dark eldar warriors. Each one armed with actual dark eldar armour and weaponry.
>Needless to say. They look pissed at having been held captive so long....
>As soon as they see the human warriors before them. They would begin firing their guns
>First roll towards Steve.
>Second would be shots fired towards Wolfe.
>Third would be fired toward Matthias.
>Final would be fired towards Barrington.

>>55305364
HAH, FOOLISH ELVES, THEY CANNOT HOPE TO STAND AGAINST THE MIGHT OF THE EMPEROR

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>55305451
>"the emperor" would charge at the elves with his flaming chain sword
FOR MEEEEE

Rolled 9, 6 = 15 (2d20)

>>55305451
>Steve fires his bolter at them (first roll) while covering belasya with his shield(second)

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>55305451

>Having been watching the trainwreck of the movie filming taking place, is struck, and, wildly firing off his Bolt Pistol as he falls, curses vehemently enough to make a Voidsman blush.

>Roll for Firing Bolt Pistol.

Rolled 17, 13 = 30 (2d20)

>>55305451
Ah yer bastards! Bond go kill their leader!
>Barrington and other agents start shoting

>>55305451
>>55305364
>>55305321
>Matthias, upon hearing about them releasing real dark eldar, with their own equipment. Would be about to speak up, when he would find his arm and side impacted with several shurikan shards.
>He'd quickly take cover at this point, tearing off a piece of his shirt to act as bandages for his wounds.

Damn you!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55305451
>Matthias, armed with only a laspistol, would fire off a shot at a dark eldar raider

>from within an expensive looking sedan that had crashed into a lamppost case muffled cursing, before the driver door burst open.
>A flood of whiskey bottles tips from within the car, followed by Viktor, several expensive watches on each wrist and gold pocketwatches dangling from the front of his waistcoat
>he drunkenly stumbles to the back of the car, bangs on the boot causing it to pop open, then retrieves a comatose van Kleez from within its depths
...I can explain

>Is still writhing around, cursing up a storm.

>Calls for a medic, as the agony of the Dark Eldar's wicked ammunition tortures him.

Rolled 2, 12, 12 = 26 (3d20)

>>55305472
>the eldar, despite everything, are too quick for him to get a good hit on, with his bulky "flaming chainsword".
>>55305495
>Sadly, steve is unable to return fire, as a chicken bone pops out of his gun barrel.
>>55305497
>Even with such a hit, he manages to hit one eldar warrior dead in the head. Causing his brain to explode in a shower of gore.
>>55305513
>He manages to pick off several dark eldar warriors from afar.
>>55305542
>Getting hit with shurikan shards, fucking hurts like hell. As such, matthias misses his chance.

>The camera crew is filming the entire thing, from the safety offered by the massive bullet proof sheet of glass in-front of them.

>The dark eldar quickly take up cover, and begin returning fire.
>First roll is dark eldar warriors getting in to close combat with the "Emperor".
>Second roll is shots towards Barrington.
>Third is Micheal B'Ork being a dumbass, and causing needless explosions.

>>55305581
BOND!Go after their leader
>He points at the leader of the dark eldar

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>55305626
>The man is confused and also terrified, still drunk and a little high too
>he pulls van Kleez's laspistol from its holster and fires at the dark eldar's leader

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>55305622
>"the emperor" would swiftly use his melee expertise to kill the elves with his "flaming" chain sword
>there was just coloured paper glued to the side of it

>>55305622

>Despite his wounds, fires off his Bolt Pistol from his position on the ground.

Rolled 3, 1 = 4 (2d20)

>>55305622
Bond, kill him!
>"M" and his agents continue shooting

>>55305649
you'd best give that back now, you hear?
>cracks knuckles loudly

Rolled 16 + 3 (1d20 + 3)

>>55305626
>>55305581
>Toofrich would have the puppeteers, begin controlling van Kleez's comatose body (he had received a face graft from the recently departed Danielus Craig's.)
>van Kleez's comatose body is then masterfully made to climb the stairs towards the dark eldar archon. A powersword, and a hellpistol in hand.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55305622
> Steve fires again, this time after reloading, hoping no chicken bones are in it

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>55305662

Forgot roll.

>>55305683
>the man screams and throws the lasgun after van Kleez
I looked after him, see? I even took him to the store ran by the creepy guy in the backalley and let him buy whatever he wanted

Rolled 11, 18, 1 = 30 (3d20)

>>55305687
>Sadly, an entire chicken comes out this time. Fully alive and confused as all hell.
>>55305690
>Several more dark eldar heads are popped open by bolt rounds.

>>55305686
>Comatose van Kleez is masterfully puppeteered , and manages to land several decent blows upon the archon.
>>55305681
>M is sadly unable to land any shots, after taking a grazing shot to his helmet.
>>55305653
>The Emperor, as the script had told him to. Manages to keep the dark eldar warriors at Bay. Allowing bonus Kleez to make his way up to the archon.
>The eldar warriors continue to engage the "emperor" In glorious hand-to-hand combat. First roll.
>The second is the archon attempting to attack van Kleez-5
>The third is eldar shooting at Wolfe.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>55305776
FOR THE ME!
REMEMBER KIDS, TRY THIS AT HOME IF YOU THINK YOU SEE A HERETIC!

Rolled 7, 5 = 12 (2d20)

>>55305776
>"M" and his agents continue firing

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>55305776
>van Kleez takes a punch to the face, and a foot to the hand. Causing him to loose his pistol, and his powersword.
>The puppetteers begin pulling strings to have him fly into hand to hand combat with the eldar leader. +3 to movie magic, and plot armor

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>55305776
>Matthias would begin firing off some shots at eldar while he was in cover

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>55305776

>The Dark Eldar's horrific shooting utterly enrages Wolfe.

>Despite his wounds, he picks himself up and charges at the DE, chainsword swinging and Bolt Pistol barking.

Rolled 5, 3, 3 = 11 (3d20)

>>55305816
>Sadly, while the prop looks great, it's too heavy to easily use.
>>55305823
>They simply aren't able to get any good hits anywhere.
>>55305824
>van Kleez is barely able to hold his own.
>>55305850
>Matthias once more misses his target.

>The camera's focus more on Kleez, and the emperor.
>The dark eldar would continue to fight he emperor in hand-to-hand combat. First roll. -3 because movie magic bs.
>The second would be B'Ork causing more explosions around them, to make the movie look great!
>The final roll is against can Kleez from the archon engaging in hand to hand at -5

>>55305710
Really? That sure was nice of you. Anything I can do for you since your taking good care of my boy?

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>>55305926
ALLRIGHT KIDS, LETS SEE HOW THE EMPEROR REALLY FIGHTS!

Rolled 8 + 5 (1d20 + 5)

>>55305926
>The archon makes a terrible mistake, as the puppeteers working van Kleez make it so his comatose body does a triple front flip over the archon, before kicking him into a fireplace.
>They then ahve him grab the powersword, and charge towards the eldar leader, and attack. +5 from movie magic.

>>55305926
Ah screw it!
>"M" and his retinue engage in hand-to-hand karate combat with the eldar

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>55305926
>Matthias once no ore attempts to take pot shits at eldar forces

Rolled 17, 17 = 34 (2d20)

>>55305964
Forgot to roll

>>55305952
>The swipe is all the crew puppeteers in van Kleez needed, to have him body slam the archon into the lava moat that surrounds the room. Killing the archon painfully.
>Toofrich then activates the next stage.
>A moment after this happens, a voice would echo throughout the studio.
>"Forty seconds to base self destruct."

>>55305933
Uhhh... a new car? Mine hand an...
>the man looks at the totaled car wrapped around the lamppost
Accident
>>55305952
VAN KLEEZ! I HAVE CREATED A NEW SUPER SPY WEAPON!
>The man smashes a whiskey bottle against his car, then throws it towards the puppeteered Kleez
CATCH!

>>55306010
> the magos would take this as the signal to trigger the first of the large chain of explosive devices he had rigged for dramatic self destruction explosion special effects

>>55306010
>"M" runs away

>>55306010
OK NEW SUPER SPY WEAPON ACTIVATE
>The man slides into a fresh pair of Jordanicus' trainers
FLEE!
>the man runs towards stage left

>>55306010
>Matthias curses both his luck, as well as toofrich as well.
>He'd begin moving towards the exit as face as he could possibly go.

>>55306010

>Hearing this, Wolfe would limp as fast as he could away from the set.

>>55306086
>the man grabs Wolfe under his arms
GO GO GADGET ABDUCTION

>>55306010
>Toofrich, would already be long gone at this point. Having left a note on his chair, saying that the crew could only leave, if van Kleez had been puppeted out.
>With their lives on the line. They masterfully puppeteer his escape from the studio complex. Tossing his body in a heap, atop The female co-star.

Rolled 69 (1d100)

>>55306095
>Outside the now exploding studio. Toofrich, as well as a second camera crew he had hired. Would be filming the explosions from afar.
>Meanwhile, a second team would be puppeteering van Kleez to make it look like he was making out with us co-star.
>Rolling for B'Orks half of the explosions

Rolled 7 (1d20)

>>55306010
>Michael would still be inside fighting eldar at the 20 second mark

File: Mycaelis_Jetbike_Squad2.jpg (183KB, 1000x900px) Image search: [Google]

183KB, 1000x900px

>>55306027
Would ayou jet bike work?

>>55306134
YES THANK YOU ANYTHING TO ESCAPE THE VIOLENT EXPLOSIONS

>>55306142
Don't forget aout me chap.

>>55306153
Huh, I kinda blacked out, wut happened

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>55306232
ELDAR!
WE MUST SLAY THEM!

>>55306080
>Rias is following quickly while riding the motorized craft services table, eating a taco
Need a lift?

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>>55306288
>Steve begins firing at the eldar

>>55306293
>Matthias would be covered in his own blood at this point. His wounds still bleeding profusely, as he watches the studio explode.
>He'd then see his wife next to the crafts services table. Eating taco big enough for two.

You're really... Taking the whole... Eating for two.... Seriously....

Rolled 3 (1d100)

>>55306327
>the studio ruptured around the priest and the ogryn
>rolling for damage

>Meanwhile Barrington is sitting in the nearby hill, eating sandwich
Well I think it went pretty well...

>>55306356
HELLO BARRINGTON, THOSE SPECIAL EFFECTS GUYS DID THEIR JOB WELL!
I BARELY FELT A THING WHEN THE ENTIRE BUILDING DETONATED!

WHATS FOR IMPERIAL DINNER?

>>55306387
Oh, I like dinner, what are we having

>Balsya is sitting on top of a nearby farmhouse watching idiots blow each other up

>>55306387
Well I did scavange a lot of lunches of the dead filming crew and actors, so sandwiches I guess

>>55306406
>Steve stands by the farm house, looking up at her
How did you get up there?

>Still wounded, calls for a Medic.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>55306327
>she pelted the taco at his face
One. Fuck you. Two. I was ignored so I'm depression eating.
>roll for taco aim

>>55306445
Oh I climbed up

>>55306494
>He'd catch the taco dead center in his mouth. Chowing down on it. a smile on his face, despite the pain.

Would you mind, grah.... Helping me out, darling... I'd really appreciate it...

>>55306496
>Steve drags a ladder over, a large ladder to carry his weight, he barely makes it to the roof
Its...a nice...view huh?

Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>55306477
>Illya, as the only medic one site, would begin the procedure.

>>55306524
SO MAJOR, HOW WAS MY PERFORMANCE?
AND WAS EVERYTHING SUPPOSED TO EXPLODE IN THE END WITH ME STILL IN THE STUDIO?
IM NOT ENTIRELY SURE!
>he is eating a grox sandwich, surprisingly good quality

>>55306531
I guess yes...

>>55306524
Should I~
>she pats the craft service table as she makes another taco

>>55306562
> he has a very hard time staying on the roof
How are you able to sit there no problem, im gonna go through the roof any second now

>>55306584
I'm lighter than you, that's how

>>55306553
I'm pretty sure they told us to leave the studio, but since you are still alive chap, then that must mean it was planned, don't you agree?

>Steve just mops the floor while everyone is eating

>>55306608
Hmph, not my fault, had to always get bigger under the commisar's orders, I was the prison warden, then everyone died and I got reassigned, then I meant you

>>55306674
OH DID THEY?
I WAS BARELY LISTENING.
>Michael removes his golden (yellow) emperors power armour
WELL THATS ALL GOOD THEN

>>55306681
Come on now chap, there isn't enough left to even mop up!

>>55306684
Fair enough, be careful though, I'm pretty sure family inside is either having a lunch or is startlet by the explosion

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>Jim tries to make a plasma pistol
>Rolling to make one

>>55306758
Hmph, I only lead them by rank, they didn't like how the commisar raised me, how was your childhood belasya? Was it fun

>>55306735
I-I'm just tryin' to do m'job man

>>55306477
WOLFE! Get on my jetbike, we forget van Kleez! And we can't leave him, or his dad will punch me so hard my bones liquefy, then he'll punch you!

>>55306576
If you *cough* don't want the father of you... Unborn child to die....

>>55306827
Oh sheet das it mane. He got a child.

>I'd tap the man on the shoulder

H-hey there fella. When's ya child due?

>>55306816
> somewhere fulgrims dad senses are tingling

>>55306776
>Tim's face plate lights up as his lenses take in this amazing sight and record it for future generations
o-0

>>55306816

>Groaning, flops himself over on the Jetbike, Bolt pistol in hand.

We /bumplimit/ now

>>55306855
YES! ADVENTUUURE!
>The man revs his jetbike before speeding off towards the ruins of the set, the jets sending plumes of dirt onto anybody nearby

>>55302884
> a mysterious figure decides to magically appear
>he is a Tzaangor
Greetings there, unintelligent plebeians. I have been sent by Tzeentch upon a special assignment, to see what it is like to live like an IG trooper.

>>55306874
>Jetike somehow entangles Barrington, bringing him with Victor
Umm chap, where are you going?

>>55306854
Oh, hi there. You like my plasma pistol that I created?

>>55306899
We're going to save van Kleez from being molested by a B-List co-star, strange old man!

Rolled 7 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

>>55306879
AGH! HERETIC!
>Using my mastercrafted plasma pistol, I'd shoot the Tzaangor in the head, un-overcharged
>+1 for mastercrafted

>>55306918
>he deflects it
Please, just stop
>He does some mind tricks
Okay, I am now a IG trooper.

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>55306933
>Rolling to resist mind-tricks

>>55306879
Ayyyy, we /tzeench/ now

>>55306901
>the mute techpriest nods excitedly and text plays over his face plate
Amazing! how did you d that?

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>>55306943

>>55306947
Well you see you just..
>Multiple bleeps and bloops go by
And bam! A lovely plasma pistol

>>55306915
Okay chap, tally hooo!
>He extends his sabre forward
...can I climb into the bike?

>>55306976
>>55306945
Yes, I am a tzaangor. and I am joining you, where is the equipment?

>>55306976
>More text
But what about the beep beep boop bobbity bop boobity beep beep boop?

>>55307018
It's...uhhh...somewhere in those ruins
>>55306789
Yes I guess...

>>55307014
Why, strangely jolly geriatric, you're already on it!
>the man revs the jetbike again and speeds up

>>55307036
What ruins?

>>55307048
Well I'm dangling on it chap

>>55307063
>Steve falls through the farm's roof, he wanders about for a bit before looking for fulgrim

>>55307018
Equipment? This regiment has its head thrust firmly up its ass. Good luck finding anything.

>>55307063
>>55307082
Sir, can I ask you a question?

>>55307102
Sure

>>55306827
I will melta my stomach off the face of this galaxy...
>she draws a melta pistol

>>55307063
Heeeeey buddy~

>>55307063
>She looks suprised for a moment
Uhhhh....these ones
>She points at what was once a base/studio

>>55307114
I was told you can help me get a girlfriend, a lover
> the ogryn is shuffling with anxiety

>>55307123
>Matthias would frown upon hearing this.

Well.... I'd be saddened to hear that... Darling.... And I'm sure you would come to regret it as well...

>>55307146
Ah I see. When I hear ruins of something with greater antiquity I would call that rubble

>>55307170
Shut it and make me a taco...
>she lays back on his lap