That Guy/DM Thread.

>>55292959
I have a player who doesn't quite understand that as the DM I declare what actually happens and that he only has to declare what he's trying to do and gets confused when what he wants to happen doesn't. Furthermore he goes into way too much detail in describing his attacks. I mean I'm talking 20-30 seconds of him describing his overly elaborate attacks. Example:
>That guy's turn
>"I cry out in shock and rage and grab my longsword and drive it at the beast's heart and wrench it off the ground and into the air over my head and on the other side of me as it groans in pain and dies"
>"Okay roll to hit first please"
>Doesn't hit
>"You swing your blade at the beast but it deflects uselessly off of its scaly hide"
>Guy gets frustrated and argues that's not what he said happened
>I try to explain that his first roll is only to determine his success in actually striking the beast and that instead of saying what 'happened' he should instead declare what he's trying to do
>He sits back and sardonically says "Ok-AYYYY"?

whats 'nincompoop' supposed to mean

>>55293421
It means idiot

>>55293451
I've never heard that

>>55293529
That's because you're a nincompoop

>>55292959
To be fair, he's only a minor That Guy.

>Guy in question is a lawyer. (In fact, got invited to the game because one of the other guys hired him to write up a trust for his son)
>Is the most mincing, precise guy I have ever met in my life. If he says it will take him 5 minutes to get over, he doesn't mean 4, he doesn't mean 6, he means five. If he's not sure, he'll say "around 5 minutes".
>Gets pissy whenever anyone isn't as precise as he is, and this extends to the most basic of in game communications. He's irritatedly corrected people on things like IC war plans (We don't KNOW that they'll surrender if we take this pass, we just think they will), any time someone makes an incorrect estimation of distance, or anytime someone says something that isn't 100% free from ambiguity.
>He's not even doing it to be snarky or condescending, you can see the flash of irritation in his face when he gets that way.

Like, I mean, I get that it's your job to pay attention to the details of every single word when you're writing up a contract or whatever, but it's annoying at the game table.

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Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! Anon's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

>>55292959
>Dude your being really rude, if you dont wanna play just say.
All it takes OP

>>55293252
While your right in this situation not having to roll to do everything is much better.
>Zombies attack our house.
>Im can turn into speedster monster
>I run outside to draw them away.
>Party get to the van.
>Party have to deal with zombie that was inside the van and coming from inside the house
>I Get surrounded
>dodge roll and get away from the shambles
>They deal with the 2 zombies
>"Ok gm im going to jump on the back of the van as we are driving away"
>Your too heavy you will break the van
>"Ok I will turn back into a human in air as I go"
>Ok but this is a super hard roll
>Fail
>face first into the mud.
>The party stop the van and I walk slowly over.

Killed the moment really.

>>55293529
It's a traditional English insult that didn't cross the Atlantic...

>>55293847
Cmon thats excellent comedy

>>55293692
This should be used and put to work for the good of the group. Im not sure how, but im sure there is a way.
I would rather have this guy then ops phone guy or >>55293252 little bitch

>>55292959
Fake as hell.
I have never seen a GM that let someone just show up and play without having them be cleared first.
The post is more a herp derp bingo on what can trigger /tg/ the hardest than anything else.

>>55293893
If it was in any other game then sure. But the GM was very. This is super serious game, who TPK the party because he said build a bunch of normal 16-21 year olds and we did rather then 21 year old super solider that his buddy turned up with .
It was just a really bad game. I hate this guys games and just dont play in them anymore.

>>55293927
Yes anon, anything you haven't personally seen can't be true.

>>55293927
We'll I trust the group I play with so I supposed he couldn't be that bad. Dude used it as social hour to drink beers and smoke weed with everyone. I just didn't want to kill everyone's mood with "Respect my magical realm reeeeeee"

>>55293722
I felt sympathy pains reading that. I would hear Teehee Macaroni in my dreams.

>>55292959
>DM that describes each attack

What dark sorcery is this

>>55293847
>Ok but this is a super hard roll
Well he told you so

>>55293722
Just play a spellcaster, touch the guy's knob and cast some stupid spell upon his dick.

>>55294220
I describe more attacks than I don't, there is the occasional. "You smash his chest with your Warhammer and he scowls pulling back his sword" fill in the blank shit I say.

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>>55293927

It's less of a case of "letting" someone show up, and more they just do.

I'm in my late 20's and I run games for a group of guys where half of them are fresh out of highschool. One of these guys did what OP mentioned *twice,* both times with the paraphrased quote of "we were already hanging out and wanted to show him D&D/Edge of the Empire."

Being put on the spot I try to be friendly and open, like a decent human being. One of those invitees was fine, didn't come back. The other became rather obnoxious, and other members of the group helped ensure he didn't come back.

>>Pic related, second uninvited guest called himself a "huge Star Wars fan;" made a cringy "gray jedi" that was an epitome of the stereotype.

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>>55293722
Goddamn I hate fucking puerile shit like this, even family guy would handle something like this better. I feel for you. You can tell when someone has 0 comedic writing ability because they just resort to using words a 10 year old would find amusing. POO LMAO

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>tfw no one actually wants you to play with them
>catch them saying "thank god he's gone" when you accidentally disconnect or step away for a second
>notice more and more people just insult you directly with no tact
>don't even say anything to be negative toward anyone else.

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>>55294367
It's okay anon, don't cry. Same.

>>55294367
You might just be a shit player, anon.
That you haven't confronted them shows you are a coward, and that you haven't performed any introspection into your own actions shows you are too blind or self-absorbed to see how your actions affect others.
Leave the game and quit the hobby.

>>55293722
Nice pasta :^)

>>55293867
Eastern canada here. Old people say it still. But its NS so people say all kinds of silly shit.

>>55294367
You are aware of the reason, you are unwilling to address it.

>>55294448
Same with you.

So we've got this player. Nice guy, Great player, makes fleshed out, interesting characters and roleplays well.

>Half elf Ranger vigilante trying to pass as full human for social advantages and because his Elven mother was abusive
>Human fighter who's actually an academic, is traveling around learning and cataloging as many different fencing styles as he can for a scholarship
>Elven monk struggling to reconcile the idyllic fantasy Buddhism he was taught with the realities of society and morality, eventually converting to the fighter's religion

Nothing really groundbreaking, but perfectly valid and fun to play off of. Until now. I have no idea what happened, but he went full retard with his newest guy.

>Variant human monk/warlock cross class
>Talks in this terrible fake British (I think?) accent. He'd never done voices before, and thus one is stupid annoying
>Says things wrong on purpose, like "Bag which Holds" instead of "Bag of Holding"
>Insists he has premonitions, even though there's nothing in his build for that
>Grapples all the time in combat, for no reason
>Has this "hilarious" verbal tic where he says DEFEAT in this really loud voice, then repeats it three times. Like, he goes out of his way to work it into a sentence. Every five minutes, "DEFEAT DEFEAT DEFEAT"
>Has this convoluted backstory about how he became a warlock when his brother went insane for unclear reasons and tried to kill him, and then also died, but is a zombie or something. It made no sense because he was explaining it in character in that stupid voice and nobody could understand him
>Insists that instead of Mage Hand he has an invisible sentient robot. There are no robots in this world

He thinks it's the most hilarious character ever, but it's just fucking stupid and annoying, and he just won't give it up. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know he was capable of playing real characters.

>>55293421
It's a word to describe people who don't know the meaning of common words in their own language.

>>55294282
>That feel when you can't play someone who follows the Living Force in SW anymore because of these faggots.

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>>55292959
>>"Yeah Yeah, Whatever okay."
Why even fucking play

>>55294670
How likely is this to be a reference to an existing character?

>>55293692
It's a standard social behavior to read the way people around you are acting and reacting, and to try to adjust yourself in some way so that you fit in with them a bit. Most people do this automatically without really thinking about it. If they notice that the way they are behaving isn't appropriate for the circumstances, they will try to curtail it.

Some people are incapable of doing this, which is usually a sign of very limited social exposure or just poor social skills in general. You run into people like that a lot in tabletop gaming, since the socially awkward often gravitate toward the hobby.

>>55293722
Yeah. Leave.

>>55294367
You should stop playing with them. You'll be happier, they'll be happier.

>>55294766
None of his other characters are.

>>55294670
Well, the dude seems like a shitty player, but...

>Insists he has premonitions, even though there's nothing in his build for that
This is not necessarily bad. Actually, can be quite fun and creative:
> me being an female elf barbarian huntress archer, full uncivilized savage
> i need to find an enemy before he escapes and find his way to the city of men
> he is injuries and bleeding, but its hard to track him in the forest at night
> well, time to role play some weird savage shit
" I close my eyes, and focus my mind on the blood of my prey."
> that makes no sense, i have no magical power whatsoever in my character sheet, but i did it because I thought it was something my superstitious character would do
> i expect DM to either dismiss with a "nothing happened", or lead me to believe i had his scent while in reality i was going to some opposite direction
" When you open your eyes, you see a faded red line that begins where you previously hit your enemy, and continuing into the forest."
> I go for it
> what, it actually worked
> i chase the guy for a good time (but don't remember if I caught him or not)

I had been playing RPG for most of my life when this happened, but it was the first time I ever did anything like this, and it was so much fun that the DM embraced it!!

its just an example why the "you can't do this because it isn't on your character sheet" sort of takes a bit of the magic out of the game

>>55294900
Hm. Well that verbal 'tic' makes it seem like he might be making a reference to some competitive game. Maybe a fighting game. Idk.

>>55293252
Isn't 'describing overly elaborate attacks' an actual mechanic is Exalted?

>>55294975

Not like that it isn't. You describe the action you perform, not the effects the action has. The two are distinct, and that distinction is VERY important.

>>55295011
This.
Describing what you are trying to do is one thing, telling the GM what happens as a result is no.

>>55294940
I Google "Defeat chant" and the like but haven't come up with anything.

>>55294670
Yeap, that's a JJBA reference.
Too late, it's all memes from now onwards.

>>55295512
Wait, what!? Who the fuck-

>Has this convoluted backstory about how he became a warlock when his brother went insane for unclear reasons and tried to kill him, and then also died, but is a zombie or something. It made no sense because he was explaining it in character in that stupid voice and nobody could understand him

This dude didn't make fucking Jonathan did he?

>>55293615
Perfect answer desu

>>55295512
>JJBA

Google says Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. I think I watched that on Toonami a decade and a half ago, but nothing's ringing a bell. What character?

>>55295571
No idea. The character's name is Matthew.

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>>55295571
>>55295593
>>55295610
It's a mix of many
>Talks in this terrible fake British (I think?) accent. He'd never done voices before, and thus one is stupid annoying
>Has this convoluted backstory about how he became a warlock when his brother went insane for unclear reasons and tried to kill him, and then also died, but is a zombie or something. It made no sense because he was explaining it in character in that stupid voice and nobody could understand him
Joseph
>Has this "hilarious" verbal tic where he says DEFEAT in this really loud voice, then repeats it three times. Like, he goes out of his way to work it into a sentence. Every five minutes, "DEFEAT DEFEAT DEFEAT"
Dio or Giorno
>Insists he has premonitions, even though there's nothing in his build for that
Jonathan, I'd guess?
>Insists that instead of Mage Hand he has an invisible sentient robot. There are no robots in this world
A Stand

>>55295673
Fuck, mixed up Joseph and Jonathan's names, again.

>>55295673
The dude is still a shit for:
>making Mage Hand a Stand instead of Unseen Servant
>or even making his familiar a Stand, since he is a Warlock
>being a Warlock but having Jonathan's backstory, when it would've made so much sense to be someone who could deal radiant damage

for the love of god please confront him about this, then shit on him. Hell tell the whole group so he can stop being so hammy, idk. If it was one reference it wouldn't be bad, but he crammed in so much shit and again, forced Mage Hand into something retarded where he had better options, so fuck 'im.

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>>55294670

>>55295512
>>55295571
>>55295673
>>55295745
Ignore these ignoramuses.

Google "Broken Matt Hardy". I guarentee you that's who he's playing.

>>55294920
Who is "broken" Matt hardy? At least that's what I thought reading this

>>55296268
>>55296568

Holy shit, this is the guy. The character's name is Matthew the Sundered. The voice is EXACTLY that, he even does the same "yeeees" after every sentence. Defeat = Delete, I get it. Fuck. Vanguard One is what he calls his robot.

Okay. I've gone from "annoyed" to "impressed", because he's actually doing a pretty good impression of this guy, but still annoyed because I hate this guy and wrestling is stupid.

>>55294623
People say it in western Canada too. I don't think I've ever heard someone say it unironically though

>>55296995
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck said it a bunch of times.

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>>55293722
The way I see it, you've got four options:
Option 1: leave the group
Option 2: explain to the group that you don't particularly care for the gag and would prefer they not intentionally try to force you into slapstick bullshit """comedy""". This is the best option.
Option 3: Insist on playing the straight man whenever this pops up. Be the one guy that never reacts wildly in one direction or the other until they either give up on trying to rope you in or take it too far. This allows you to branch off into the other three options at your leisure.
Option four: The next time they make you touch his dick, you either rip it off like you're starting a lawn mower or you pick the little bastard up by it and use him to bludgeon shit for as long as you can. This is a pretty That Guy option, but it's also arguably the most fun.

>>55297318
>This is a pretty That Guy option, but it's also arguably the most fun.
disregarding that its a copypasta, this one seems like it would fit with group dynamics the best, so it's not really the that guy option.

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>>55293722
This pasta gets me everytime

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>Same group of players every time
>3/4 are solid
>1/4 play one of two things and never anything else.
>Dumb barbarian
>Smarmy Rogue/Bard
>Somehow he's terrible at both
>Can't do the whole talking bit very well as the "Suave" one
>Always comes off as a fucking drooling retard who ruins everything as the dumb one
>Can't drop him cause we've been friends since HS

>>55294255
Gods i was strong then

>>55296920
>He played you like a fiddle all this time.
OBSOLETE MULE!

>>55296268
Yep, that was the first thing I pictured when I read DEFEAT DEFEAT DEFEAT

>>55293949
>Super serious game
>Guy who is super human trying to pull silly stunts.
>Silly stunts are super serious.
>Letting a player do this ballics and not expect repercussions.

Who ever had that silly character trying to do the silly jump thing is a silly dumbass.

If you try to do silly things in a serious campaign like make a impossible spin jump then your a retard for not seeing a serious consequences for your stupid actions.

>>55295512
>>55295571
>>55295673
>>55295745
spotted the actual jojofags who see their memes everywhere

>>55298921
>>55298694
>>55296568
>>55296268

#staywoke

Fuck it, I'll tell the story of the time I was That DM.

>Have a pet peeve
>Have a lot of them, but this pet peeve in specific
>Hate the experimenter.
>The player that does whatever lolsorandom quirky idea pops into his head just to see how far he can push the limits the game session
>Rarely comes up
>Except we get a new player at the table.
>Completely new to D&D in general
>He's a fast learner, he's catching on
>After they kill a group of goblins, they loot the goblin's corpses.
>Wanted to spice it up, tell them that one of the goblins was carrying a yo-yo
>Suddenly, new guy gets this spark in his eyes
>Takes the two goblin shields, a hammer, some pitons that came in his pack, and some rope
>He fucking creates a "Combat """"yo-yo"""""
>This unwieldy mass of shit
>He's smiling ear to ear
>DM Pride won't let me just destroy it, but I don't like the idiotic direction this is going in
>Make this weapon almost completely unviable. Does like 1d6 damage, always disadvantaged, heavy, etc
>He doesn't care, he insists on using it
>Keep trying to get it tangled into things
>Keep trying to get it smashed into people and stuck when it works
>Doing everything in my power to get him to drop this piece of trash and move on
>Rest of group senses my irritation
>They fucking do EVERYTHING in their power to keep the "yo-yo" working as much as possible
>They pour copious amount of resources into the pitons to make it do more damage
>They tell him to make a strength check to fling the bodies
>At one point, the ENTIRE table spends their inspiration just convincing me to let him reroll an attack just to get the damn thing to hit once
>All of them give me shit eating grins
>I'm getting madder and madder
And then the game ended.

>>55293252
...is that you, projared?

>>55293867
didn't cross with nincompoops like you i guess.

>>55293847
>While your right in this situation not having to roll to do everything is much better.
It can be, it depends entirely on the intended game.

>>Fail
>>face first into the mud.
>>The party stop the van and I walk slowly over.
>Killed the moment really.
See, I think that's an awesome scene.
One of my favorite moments from Angel, and the one that sold me on the show, was where he is chasing some goons that kidnapped a girl and sped off in a car.
He runs up, flips over the back of an awesome black convertible, lands in the driver's seat in one fluid motion, goes to to start the car, and looks to the right to see *his* black convertible as the bad guys get away.

If the point of the game was to be awesome badass actionhero figures, then that was a bad call and the GM should definitely have rule-of-cool'ed it.
But if it was something more grounded or humorous, then he played it right.

Remember that there is a difference between "ruining the moment" and "ruining what you thought the moment should be".

>>55299155
>have many pet peeves including but not limited to people doing anything but what it says in the book

I know it's a meme but there is a chance you are on the spectrum.

>>55293867
I'm a burger but I know what it means

>>55296920
>Wrestling is stupid

But that's what makes it good

>>55293927
Then you either play only exclusively online, or you play with some strangely trustworthy people.

>Break away from Adventurer's League DMing
>Text all of the best players I had to come together for a more fun session
>Think this is going to go great
>Except one player brings his girlfriend
>Not happy, but how bad could it be?
>Is incredibly lovey dubby with her
>The two can't go 2 minutes without declaring their love for each other, kissing loudly, or otherwise distracting each other
>She barely plays at all, and he winds up barely playing because he's too busy playing grab ass
>After the session is over, pull him aside
>Hey man, blahblahblah, polite way of telling him to not bring in people without warning and maybe get the girl to fuck off
>"Oh yeah, sure sure anon. I should have realized, that was 100% my fault"
>He never shows up or responds to texts ever again.

Situation basically fixed itself, but it was shocking how unaware people can be about bringing along extras without warning.

>>55299323
>Pretending to be an elf at a table is way less dumb than pretending to fight in real life

Some people have no perspective.

Didn't have a "that guy" or "that GM." But I did have a group that wouldn't get off their laptops or coordinate for shit when it came to scheduling games or notifying me when one, or wasn't, happening.

I don't play with them anymore. I blamed the game so that they wouldn't feel bad, but that shit was inexcusable.

>>55293421
millennial please go

>>55299369
>>Except one player brings his girlfriend

This fucks up more than just RPGs. This literally fucks up everything!

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>>55293847
>>face first into the mud.
>>The party stop the van and I walk slowly over.
>Killed the moment really.

>>55294367
You're a coward, in addition to what is assuredly a laundry list of other character flaws.

>>55299302
There's a very clear distinction between 'doing stuff outside the books' and 'actively pushing the limits to see what you can go away with'

>>55299155
you got J'Baited

>>55293722
I read the pasta but then I clicked the pdf.

What the ever loving fuck did I just read?

Can somebody explain to me because what? nothing else just lots of what?

>>55293722
This was never funny and it's not funny now.
Please stop posting. Lurk moar until you get it.

>>55295261
Try DELETE instead.

>>55295610
Oh fuck he wasn't even subtle. Was his brother's name Jeff?

>We decide to play a steampunk sky in the world campaign
>We have an alchemist an engineer and an assassin
>This guy decides he wants to play a Anthropomorphic Gunsmith Rabbit thief with abusive human parents
>GM wants to fuck him so he says yes
>He never does any thieving
>Activly chastises anyone who does anything even at all morally ambiguous
>Gets really pissy whenever the engineer leaves because he is really unlucky
>I hate this fucking guy and i think the gm is about to get rid of him thank god

>>55300332
Whenever the engineer leaves the ship is what i meant to say

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>>55300332
Yo, what the fuck.

>>55294336
Except tastefully used toilet humor can actually be good.
Encountering a shit golem can be funny as fuck, if you do it right.

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>>55300332
>Anthropomorphic Gunsmith Rabbit thief with abusive human parents

>>55300414
I'd rather encounter monty pyhon reference golem who figts in power duo with jojo reference golem

>>55300502
I mean, that could be fun too.

These threads make me uncomfortable.

I used to be a few of these

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>>55298278
A BOOOAAARRRRR NED! SEVEN HELLS FETCH ME THE WINE!

>>55301178
Tfw if Bobby B got his shit together the war of the seven kingdoms would have been over in half a season

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>>55301156
Become conscious of your mistakes and actively work on them

>>55293615

Mah nigguh.

>>55293421
Someone that doesn't know how to look up the meaning of words that have fallen out of common usage

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>>55292959
I've joked in another thread that 3/4 of problems in That Guy/That GM thread comes from lack of session zero and making sure everyone knows what the hobby is about.

Rolled into the That Guy thread and guess what.

> that GM who showed me his hand-drawn torture porn


thank god im out of college

>>55302431
I don't follow. This statement is almost "If it weren't for that horse..." tier in terms of non-sequitur.

>>55302710
haha perhaps i should have phrased that better.

college GM/DM's are the worst

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>>55299155
Giant impractical dumbass yo-yos, you say?

>be in large online group with rotating GMs
>head GM keeps order and lays out some basic ground rules for the generic fantasy setting
>guns and clockwork/steampunk tech are so inefficient and expensive that only rich nobles fuck around with them as a hobby
>not an option for players because it needs to stay rare
>okay sure makes sense
>head GM promptly makes a minor noble steampunk artificer
>has a giant steam-powered turbo fist and two enormous buzzsaw yoyos that worked exceptionally well for no adequately explained reason
>everyone else politely ignores the obvious
>turns out the head GM really likes to tease/critique the players over their character concepts
>"haha anon that's kind of silly and impractical I think ;P"
>equal opportunity ribbing means everyone gets the nudge eventually
>its fine at first but starts to get a little old one year into the game
>eventually a player points out that the head GM might want to take a look in the mirror for once
>head GM gets super pissy and passive-aggressive
>turns out all the joking/teasing/mockery was a coping mechanism
>cannot deal with criticism at all
>starts going offline for a few days out of every month to sulk about stupid shit
>everyone learns never to tease him back because it'll just set him off again

>>55302838
that's hilarious.

I had a guy whose coping mechanism was stealing other peoples sheets and erasing stuff and then rewriting it with inferior stats and equipment. not as funny, but infuriating,

>>55302885
That's so ridiculous I'm confused as to why?

>>55302885
You mean they sabotaged the other players to "get ahead" or some shit?

>>55302927
basically what
>>55302952
said. so they could feel superior to other people until they realised something was off with their character.

he often carried round a capgun and literal pocketfuls of caps to shoot at people he didnt like(which was the people that noticed his meddling, aka. me and two other guys) it was funny for about a minute, but after, we realised he was dead serious.

he left the group after stealing a hella old bottle of midouri I was saving (must have been 20 years old) and a couple of other bottles of kahlua and irish cream etc. from my bar.(I was hosting the DnD)

he played the wierdest characters

>>55303068
Thats why you thoroughly vet your players you guys

>>55303068
This guy sounds like a cartoon character.

>>55302838
Reminds me of one dumbass we used to have in our group.

>Among our group, this man has the title of "King of the Bantz"
>Makes sure to remind EVERY new player about this at the earliest chance he gets
>Fails to mention this is a title granted to him by himself, and no one else ever calls him that.
>His idea of "Bantz" involves just insulting people and calling them stupid, idiots, retards, or whatever new buzzword he read on the internet that week.
>Not even clever use of insults, he just calls people dipshits for not going along with his ideas/doing something he doesn't approve of.
>Even when said ideas are vastly better than whatever shit he has(usually nothing).
>Also insult speople when he doesn't like their character.
>Not insulting IC to IC, just says to someone else that their PC is fucking stupid and they should have been x class or taken y feat instead.
>But god help you if you ever say something even slightly negative to him.
>He turns red, starts screaming, pounding the table, sometimes crying, the works
>The classic example of someone who likes to dish shit out, but can't take it.
>Still unironically insists no one can out-bant him when even one comment sends him into a screeching rage.
>Finally have enough and kick him out when he starts throwing things at someone who, IC, made a joke about him.
>This was after he insisted he could jump over a car, rolled a 1 and failed to do so. There wasn't any reason to jump over it, I just mentioned a car in the scene and he said "I could jump over that."
>He tries to play off to other people that we kicked him out because we couldn't "handle the bantz," but this outburst was in the store, so no one buys it.
>He gets pissy and occasionally tries to get back into the group because no other group wants him
>We eventually stop playing at the store because he would just hover around our table for hours until we tell him to fuck off, which works for about 10 minutes and then he's back to hovering.

>>55303092
this was real life, he didnt look cartoony or anything. he was just a GRADE-A wierdo sperg autist.

>>55303085
as it normally goes, he was a friend of a friend that somehow made it to the table. he needed help to make characters and always ended up making stupid shit anyway

after the liquor incident i basically shouted at him to fuck off and never come to a game ever again, he got the message, but i felt like a fake tough-guy for a while

>>55293692
Does he wear a tuxedo? Has he got a fancy sportscar and fantastic moustache?

>>55303131
Ah yes, "banter", a.k.a "I'm allowed to be a cunt because I find it funny".
Wait, you're doing the same to me? Too far man, too far.

>>55293722
What the mother loving fuck is wrong with your friends

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>>55294367
>tfw your 'friends' insist they have no problem with you, but you instinctively know they're lying, but they're also all you have

>>55303131
>King of the Bantz
>Bantz
I spent that whole green text trying to figure out wtf "bantz" is.............
Seriously. Using that.... word..... in all seriousness.... do people who haven't been lobotomized legitimately use that word?

As for my story, a player I had in a game was very similar... but also kinda worse?
See, one of the other players I've played in games with before.
So we had stories for the newbies.
Of which this guy blatantly was. (He claimed otherwise.)
He would try and recreate the good stories with himself taking the center stage.... but because he was dumb he would fail at every attempt (like using caltrops against skeletons).
And like your guy, insist that he was the best and smartest... but consistently nearly kill everyone with how stupid he was.

I eventually got tired of bending the rules to allow these newbies to continue playing (seriously, would have died every session because of this guy).... so I made a helpful NPC companion for the group....
Who would often fuck him over and keep everyone from listening to him.
I didn't even railroad them with her.... she just called him out on how dumb his ideas were, allowing the others to not default to this "veteran".

>>55303906
>....
...

>>55303906
dot dot dot

you need to go back

>>55303906

Fuck off and learn when and when not to use an ellipsis.

>>55303906
...

>>55293615
Heartily kek'd

>>55292959
Things that never happened as /tg/ desperate for acceptance, comisserates on false outrages

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>>55300332
>Anthropomorphic Gunsmith Rabbit thief with abusive human parents
nigger excuse me?

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>>55292959

there are people like this in the world and i cant find a fucking group. fuck this planet

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>>55301657

>>55305721
He constantly hits on the assassin chick and is actively trying to become a vampire. This guy is literally the cringiest person i have ever played with. Give me a couple minutes and i am gonna go find the description of another character he made in an earlier campaign i saved it because it was so fucked.

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>>55305834
oh this is going to be good

>>55305834
hurry back anon

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I've posted this before but it gets me every time
>Shadowrun game we played a while back
>It's a lot of our first time playing, with 2 experienced guys
>One of them rolls up an edgy as fuck orc
>Picks all the qualities that will fuck up teamwork the most, "Violence addiction, gore addiction", all that shit
>Also makes him the most broken meme character in the game
>Feels the need to "prank" everybody but because "MUH VIOLENCE ADDICTION" his "pranks" are always fucking violent and unnecessary
>He once smashed somebody's armour worth a grand because HURR DURR IT'S FUNNY
>Ends up killing my street samurai so I roll up an Oni adept brawler
(for reference, we homebrewed it, my "Oni" is actually a troll who was born with red skin, he has "oni poser" as a quality)
>Drinking in a bar with the orc
>End up going to search for work, find nothing so I come back
>Orc asks me to buy him a pint
>Can't be bothered with the whole HURR A DURR I PUNCH U IF U DON'T so i give him mine and buy a new one
>"NAH BULLSHIT DUDE YOU CAN'T META IT"
>Turns out the dickhead had put a virus he had in a vial my drink
>Accuses me of being a metagamer and cheating him out of his plan to fuck over my character accidentally
>Spends 5 minutes trying every meta bullshit excuse as to why my character should drink the poisoned drink
>"BUT YOU'RE AN ONI YOU LOVE DRINKING YOU WOULD DRINK BOTH"
>"I WANNA ROLL PERSUASION"
>Rolls it and fails with his one charisma
>I WANNA BURN AN EDGE POINT TO JUST DO IT
>DM gets sick of it and denies him, it's just not happening
>He spends the rest of the session a bit salty that I fucked him out of his EPIC MEME EVIL RP
>Ends up injecting the virus into our other group samurai because why the fuck not
>Mfw we were worried we'd have to kill him next session
>Mfw we never had to because the game ended because everybody stopped being interested in playing

>>55303906
....

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>Running my first ever 3.5 game for my group
>Previous DM fancied a break, I volunteered even though I'd never ran it
>Had some issues with stupid broken characters, but party are making alright progress
>Part of the story involves a big scary vampire lord, which they accidentally unleash in a major city
>City is infested with undead and has a magical darkness cast on it at all times, teeming with vampires and other kinds of undead
>the remaining guard along with the church form a perimeter around the city, and do their best to push it back
>An inquisition gets formed to take out conspirators in the garrison around the city, which the players end up getting involved in since it pays
>One of them died last session, so he had to reroll
>Fucking saint samurai
>Comes with all sorts of holy bullshit that means he stomps all the undead enemies
>One day they awake in the camp to find that the head inquisitor has been murdered
>Had planned for a whodunnit murder mystery, with the murderer being the old town preacher, who had been offered eternal life by the vampires if he'd betray the guard
>Elaborate set of clues left around the city
>Saint samurai bullshit player pipes up
>"Is everybody gathered in the garrison centre?"
>Technically there's a briefing every morning for citizens and guards so yes
>Runs around casting magic circle against evil because his retarded "saint" race allows him to
>Eventually the priest gets forced out of his magic circle
>The really cool chase scene where they chase the preacher while he launches psionic powers back at them gets thrown out the window as he gets murderhobo'd in the middle of town
>Ask him OOC why he had to go and do that, and that most of the session has gone down the shitter
"Nah man I have an in game reason, you'll like it"
>Head paladin asks how he knew it was him
>"HURR DURR A GUY WHO STOLE MY SAKE ONCE LOOKED JUST LIKE HIM"
>Mfw
Had to ad lib the rest of the session, I did my best, even killed the samurai, but fucking hell

>>55303906
>I spent that whole green text trying to figure out wtf "bantz" is
Banter basically. "Bantz" was his term for it. The z included. Though in this case the sort of banter that means "my insults" and he would flip out the second you started firing back.

>>55305767
If you have no problem with Discord no reason you or I couldn't open up a server for finding groups, primarily groups that have suffered at the hands of that guy before.

>>55300332
>he wants to play a Anthropomorphic Gunsmith Rabbit thief with abusive human parents

Man, I like reading these stories because they just aren't problems that I have. If a player of mine tried to float this idea I'd just go "No, also I don't think you're a good fit for this game. See ya."

>>55302734
The only good GM I had in my entire life was the one from uni times.
Before that there was a string of edgelords and after that boring and unimaginative salary slaves.

>>55307312
There are at least three Discord server I know about for finding games (/tg/ Gamefinder, Ludus Studios, Matt Colville) and the problem with all of them is that a vast majority of people are low-quality humans/roleplayers that can't find games or got cut loose from their old groups.

That isn't to say there aren't quality RPers or teachable newbies on there who don't have a group at the moment, there absolutely are, but they're a rarity. The best thing I can think of doing is running some short games and stay in the contact with the best people.

Nowadays I have a lot of people I've played with before and I wouldn't mind playing with again so anytime I run a RPG I shop it around my IRL and online friends first and 95% of the time that will get me all the players I need (or more). That way I don't have to risk getting random assholes or poltards or That Guys.

>>55305870
>>55306145
Sorry about the wait. I wasnt technically a part of this campaign but this backstory has become a long running joke between people in our group. If you want an explanation for some of the weirdness in this just ask.

When Friourn was very small he would work with his father who was a tailor for the village. He would always try to make small things. He would always get into stuff and play with things. He is very rambunctious. Friourn went out sometimes on trips with his dad to trade cloth to the Rantur.Which eventually leading up to when a Rantur named Camulus(Morgan) stepped on his tail. Friourn and his father always went this path cause Friourn wanted to see his new friend. During a 3 year span Friourn trained himself as a tailor and went on small hunting trips but he never wanted to kill another animal but to befriend them. After three years had gone by Friourn and Camulus were better friends and talked often on the route until one day. On the trade route one day Friourns father and Camulus's father were ambushed and killed on the trail. That was the last time Camulus and Friourn met until later when he came back to the caravan buisness with his new friend. His new friend was a Durian named Maoke. He found this friend after leaving the carvan and he lived with (on) him for 4 years.They bonded. The reason that Friourn travled with him because he had saved his live from a pack of wolves.After 2 years he came back to the major trades with him. He decided to trade cloth like his father

>>55299155
could've just made it do the d6 and ignored it, he'd get bored eventually

>>55296268
Spot on.
The grappling and the drone.
DEFEAT!
Linguistic ticks.
I wonder if he talks about (insert number)deities who're probably the ones giving him the premonitions.

>>55296920
Introduce his long suffering brother.
An assassin/acrobat called Nero.
Embrace the broken brilliance.

>>55293421
What are you a nincompoop? Everyone knows what nincompoop means.

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>>55303906
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z2Z23SAFVA

>>55309910
Nah, honestly that guy was legit autistic. He wasn't bad or doing the yo-yo thing for bad reasons. He was just absolutely enamored with the concept of a game that let you do ANYTHING. I didn't realize it at the time though, but I don't believe he would have ever stopped using the yo-yo short of me killing his character and telling him out of character that he couldn't do it on a new character. And this is 5e, so the former wasn't going to happen any time soon.

>>55299369
bringing people uninvited by the GM is pretty much a gaming breach of etiquette. and bringing girlfriends is often even worst

>>55293252
I see this a lot.
Why? I wonder what it is about their experiences that causes this. Obviously they're observing what happens with other people's turn.

>>55306788
Sounds to me you eere That DM
>roll up an approved char, DM grudge kills it
>Solve puzzle with valid mechanics, DM spergs out because it's not the proper way

>>55306590
i have read this in the past....

>>55293252
but....but steel is heavier than feathers....

>>55303906
Wow........................................ Epic story, my dude................................

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>want to dm d&d for the first time
>friend suggests running a one shot
>alright
>make 3 big maps of a dungeon plus a fourth sewer map
>get players, friend, other friend and younger brother
>friend dmed a game that fell apart before this
>other friend would later attempt to dm a game that fell apart
>my game somehow manages to be mediocre enough to endure 3 sessions
>session 1
>walking through dungeon, have a guy running a shitty inn inside the walls
>roleplay telling players they're able to sleep at these places and treat them like a general store
>they do so
>leaving, brother decides to kill him 4therandumzzzz xD
>playing chaotic netural
>friend and barkeep kick his ass
>he pisses and moans about not being able to do what he wants in A ROHL-PLAYENG GAHME
>session 2
>not much happens, brother actually plays well, if still disgruntled about last week
>tell him to fuck off multiple times until he gives up
>session 3
>much the same as session 2
>brother whines about failing a few rolls but nothing much else
>actually having fun, declare pissbreak
>brother doesn't move
>okay i guess he must have gone beforehand
>resume play and 30 minutes later he gets up and says to go on without him
>we don't because courteous players
>he doesn't return
>friends leave unsatisfied
>go to bathroom after game since i used pissbreak to manage my notes
>shit
>everywhere
>shitty clothes
>Shitty toilet
>shitty underwear in garbage bin
>what the fuck
>he shat himself mid game and went to clean up

needless to say, game didn't go on after that, we didn't want to risk another mess.

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>>55314104
That DM is a faggot.

>>55293692
I'm guilty of this, but I can usually catch myself doing it and consciously tone it down.

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>>55299155
>Wanted to spice it up, tell them that one of the goblins was carrying a yo-yo
>He fucking creates a "Combat """"yo-yo"""""
Not that autistic, honestly. Although out of genuine curiosity I gotta ask: Why did you even give him the yo-yo in the first place if this sort of thing bugged you?

>>55293615
Wouldn't he then have heard it plenty in his life?

>>55314503
>Why did you even give him the yo-yo in the first place if this sort of thing bugged you?
I don't understand the question. Are you implying that I should have known that a player would decide to attempt to craft a gigantic scrap ball on a rope in facsimile of a yo-yo ahead of time? Or do you somehow think that I'm bugged by the concept of yo-yos itself?

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>>55303131
>>This was after he insisted he could jump over a car, rolled a 1 and failed to do so. There wasn't any reason to jump over it, I just mentioned a car in the scene and he said "I could jump over that."

>>55314525
I dunno just seems like making what is essentially a shitty home-made flail wouldn't be any more or less silly than having a yo-yo in and of itself.

Now of course I don't know the specifics of how this thing is being used, so I don't know if he was just throwing it at people and reeling it back in or if he was trying to do some sort of retarded beyblade shit with it. Because if it's the latter then I can kinda see where you're coming from.

I'm just going to post in this thread to remind people that you should only EVER narrate attacks that noteworthy in some way, such as crits, max damage rolls that kill, or missing an attack that had a high damage roll.
Narrating every. single. attack. is pointless time wasting and just means your players are going to be tired of it and tuning it out when you DO have a good reason to narrate.

>>55314762
i say narrate shortly regular blows and develop the crits/killshots

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>>55314668
>I dunno just seems like making what is essentially a shitty home-made flail wouldn't be any more or less silly than having a yo-yo in and of itself.
Is making a shitty home-made flail based off of a children's toy alone seriously not enough for you? Imagine you're trying to play a game, and some dumbass wheels up to you with this thing right here, ties a chain around the middle of it, puts some spikes/staples around the edges of it, and insists on carrying it everywhere over the course of 10+ sessions and weakly tossing it the 10 feet of length it has on it's chain, then spending a round trying to tie it back up. Is that concept alone not enough to warrant some slight understanding?

>>55314873
Does not seem that bad desu.

>>55300207
Like that death note guy?

>>55314894
You're silly.

>>55314945
I just think if he is a big dumb brute it could be pulled of very well if that pic was the size of the yo yo

>>55303906
dot dot dot

>>55314873
I mean, that doesn't sound all that bad. As long as he wasn't sperging out over it being a shit weapon then it seems fine to me. Hell if his character had a tinkering background of some sort, it could even fit with his character since he's field testing the effectiveness of a new weapon he made.

Maybe it's because I've never DM'd, but the group didn't seem to mind that their party member wasn't being optimal so I honestly don't see what the problem is.

>>55294920
How recent was this?
Sounds like something I'd allow as a DM, only to have it because of some blood god who then demands for payment for his assistance later.

Maybe you have an interesting plot twist coming to ya

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>>55314966
Well, he was dumb, but I wouldn't call him a brute. Also, no, the concept is dumb and you should feel dumb for not thinking it's dumb.

>>55315021
Nope, he was just a dumb average-sized human fighter. No need to invent head canon to justify a giant scrap pile on a chain, anon.

The group didn't mind because they were deriving too much pleasure out of my pain.

>>55312365
One big issue with 3.5 is that it's filled with said mechanics. A lot of dm's run DnD because it's a fairly go-to system, but the sheer number of practical problem-solving can be entirely avoided with a simple "oh I know X spell" or "my character can literally smell the evil," players finding an unexpected solution is always interesting and refreshing if you're a good DM, but not so much when you craft up something you think will be compelling only to realising that somewhere in some splatbook there's a spell that completely trivialises the situation that you didn't think of.

>>55315169
>The group didn't mind because they were deriving too much pleasure out of my pain.
Maybe they genuinely appreciated his gimmick?

>>55314873
Most people on 4chan are fans of anime, where stupid shit like that happens all the time. It's no surprise that someone would defend it.

>>55315199
most of these spells have saves or counters

>>55315199
I fucking hate how Gnomes just know how to read any and all languges.

>Players find a book
>book has demonic runes in it
>want the players to either A: contuine explring the spooky house or B: risk being branded a heathen in one of the most religous citys for the easy way out
>player tells me he can understand/read all languages

Its my fault for not knowing this as a new GM but that is a bullshit ability.

>>55310949
>And this is 5e, so the former wasn't going to happen any time soon.

I've had characters get killed in one hit in 5e

>>55315220
Hmm, no, I highly doubt that. If they enjoyed the gimmick, it was either because they were enjoying how simple he was trying to force an idiotic thing through like a loyal puppy, or as something to make fun of him for.

>>55315222
4chan has shit taste, I know.

>>55315267
So have I, but that's a rare extreme that only ever happened at level 1 on a low-HP character, and never again. Never even got close to 1 hit kills once they get up to level 2.

>>55315169
Maybe you should take the stick out of your ass. Real life has some strange weapons as well.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakram

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hook_sword

>>55315278

it happened to me at level 4

>>55315282
>"Strange" weapons
>Items that were meticulously crafted to be balanced and deadly
>Have obvious advantages such as camouflaging the weapon or increasing versatility in battle
>Vs a literal hunk of scrap taped together with glue
Nah mate. Just nah.

>>55315285
Do tell.

>>55315315
True but as the DM you did allow it to be deadly and effective. Only got yourself to blame for being a hard ass. At that point it becomes as normal to use as anything else.

>>55315334
>True but as the DM you did allow it to be deadly and effective.
Go reread the post.

>>55294367
It's ok, Elsh.

>>55315315
>a literal hunk of scrap taped together with glue
I don't know why this seems to aggravate you. It's not like he was shitting all over the campaign you set up or otherwise interfering with the actions of other party members. His dumb character just so happened to like swinging around ineffective scrap.

>>55315367
Because it's a pet peeve of mine to have retarded players play dumb characters. Here's your last (you) though, since I'm starting to suspect you're out fishing.

>>55315340
>Make this weapon almost completely unviable. Does like 1d6 damage, always disadvantaged, heavy, etc
>1d6
Shouldt have made it a 1d6 but something even lower then that m8

>>55315391
>I haven't played 5e: The Post

>>55315389
>since I'm starting to suspect you're out fishing.
I've only posted a couple times in this thread, and I wasn't even the guy you replied to in that post. There are multiple people arguing this guy's case ITT.

>>55315410
"Arguing" meaning they are making assumptions about the game, like the guy that supposed the guy was a "big brute" or the other guy that called him a "tinkerer background" without any supporting evidence. (you) got me again though, so point for you.

>>55315315

Here's a short (non-exhaustive) list of characters I've seen die in 5e, including the level 4 one-hit kill

>level 4--lost initiative then blasted by breath from a Young Dragon for exactly 61 damage while having 30 max HP

>level 10--reduced to 0 HP from a vampire bite

>level 8 -- Ranger used a cursed bow to finish off an enemy. The weapon did splash damage to the two characters on the ground making death saves adjacent to the enemy, killing both of them

>level 5? 6? not sure. Fighter with ungodly STR Dominated by an evil caster, grapples the wizard and easily kills him

>>55315429
>other guy that called him a "tinkerer background"
I didn't call him shit. I was saying it would have made sense if he had such a background, not that he did in fact have that background.

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>>55315278

You sound fucking fun.

> OWoD, playing a Fallen
> All players have chosen a diverse, ridiculous cast of monsters: two hunters, a Fae, a Mummy, a Fallen, probably more
> Was pretty retarded, more Avengers crossed with XCOM than OWoD
> The fae is a kawaii desu pooka cat thing played by this whale of a woman
> OOC, professes she's on our team, wants to work with us
> IC, actively works against us, claims ignorance/incompetence
> Lose my temper one night and call her a fat autstic cunt
> A few sessions later, we stamped her pooka to death

I felt bad at first. At first.

>>55294448
>>55294367

Notice how both of these posters included crying anime girl pictures? Wonder if that's a coincidence or if it's somehow relevant to the fact that no one likes them

>>55315444
You're still supposing things without any evidence of them. Consider this, my good detective: If the guy had bothered to stat out that his character had some sort of tinkerer background, do you really think the average person would have been that bothered by it and made a post about it? Saying things like "It would make sense if X" when there is no evidence of X is ultimately useless in a conversation. You're making after-market excuses for behavior. You shouldn't try to justify things happening by supposing new elements into the theory.

>>55315432
I think the dragon is bullshit considering that the young dragon CR is significantly higher than the level 4 characters, but alright.

>>55315545
>average person
This is still 4chan m8.

All we know about this is that a character made a shitty yo-yo, and the DM admitted that experimenters were a pet peeve of his. Without any additional information, if it was in the character's background the dm probably would still have been bothered.

Next time I'll ask what the guy's background was instead of jumping straight to my point.

>>55315545
You're "that guy." You also sound like a really unfun GM.

>>55315906
>You're "that guy."
>>55299155
>Fuck it, I'll tell the story of the time I was That DM.

>>55315932
Lmao

>>55306788
>Runs around casting magic circle against evil because his retarded "saint" race allows him to
Just have a third of the city ping as evil for various horrible but not related to the current situation deeds. Guard is corrupt, orphanage worker steals donations, baker drinks and beats his wife, carpenter starves his old father, who raped his mother forty years ago.

Right now, my only available D&D group is with some friends from work, but our DM is terrible.

>completely new DM, not a problem
>doesn't do a lot of roleplaying
>or hardly any at all
>mostly does homebrew, again not a problem
>only has one character per setting
>only one person we can interact with in a tavern, or in a dungeon
>either can't tell a story or hasn't actually planned one
>has a deus ex machina Gnome that shows up and generally advances the "plot"
>treats 5e like a video game and not a Tabletop RPG
>gets annoyed when we seem disinterested

He also does annoying shit like "punishes" a character for rolling a 1, even if it was an inane action.
He's a good friend, and it's a group my wife is comfortable playing with. I just need to figure out how to stage a coup for the DM slot in the group...

>>55315257
Before hand just tell them you're new and that some things may happen that you'll have to step in and not allow.

>>55299276
"What you thought the moment should be." Is generally the moment that really matters.

>Ok but it's a super hard roll.
This is bad GMing. There's no reason to roll for this. Because the GM just let him walk right up to the car afterwards anyway. You roll when the result matters, if the result doesn't really matter and somebody describes their character doing something cool then just let it happen. But, you could make them roll for it and then complicate the situation or add a little tension somehow like, "The zombies are very near now." That's a legit use of dice. But if them jumping stylishly into the car as it peels out is going to ultimately be the same as them calmly entering the vehicle, don't force the latter on them with dice. Because, even if you're making a new moment for yourself, you are killing that player's little moment for no narrativistic or mechanical reason.

>>55293615
No he is clearly a buffoon.

>>55315932
Most people who say that aren't just being assholes for the sake of being assholes though

>>55316082
Ask if anyone else has some interest in DMing, and bring up rotating the slot. When it comes your turn, fucking wow them.

>>55310132
please don't post that image anymore
t. epileptics

>>55316082
>Punishes a character for rolling a 1

I ask to confirm the crit fail, then if that goes through then I do something silly. Double nat 1 on studying a book? Nasty paper cut, add another 1dx hours to study for being a miserable failure, you miserable failure.

>>55315488
You sound awful

>>55315488
Sounds like you're both bad people desu.

>>55314762
>>55314803
My solution is only running games, where combat is deadly, costly and only taken as a last resort when shit hits the fan. The kind of combat, where narrating every single swing and attack is appropriate, because every single swing and attack could mean everything for the combatants.

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>>55296920
FUCK THAT OWL

>>55293615
BTFO

>running EoE campaign with a fresh group of characters
>tell group im playing a bit more grounded
>in tight corridor fighting it out with storm troopers
>guy says he wants to run into the garage and ride a speeder bike full speed down corridor at the troopers and jump off at the last minute
>other players tell him dont do it, it will get him killed.
>since its a new game, I have him roll logic to see if his character would think thats a dumb ass idea since he had no piloting skill or anything
>insists on doing it
>decide to let him roll, even gave him a little bonus for trying it
>failed the roll miserably, drove 300 mph into a wall

Every session hed want to be the center of attention and lol randum. Group is meeting with Imperials, on a star destroyer, surrounded by a small personal army of friendlies, he pulls out a blaster and starts shooting because of luls.

i have this one friend who i really, really don't want to run for or play with anymore

gang we're going to play a really low-magic, European-ish "fantasy" game, probably using burning wheel
>can I play a ninja with a katana?

okay, for this campaign we're going to play shadowrun
>can I play a demon who is also a ninja, or who will inherit a ninja school?
it was some shit like that i don't exactly remember

alright kids, this time around anon wants to try having a go at running, he is thinking of either a western or some kind of space game, what are people's thoughts
>i don't care as long as i can play a ninja

every fucking game

>>55294920
The DM constructively working with your character can be really good for the game. In my case, I made an elven witch in a PF game. I took the Dreamspeaker alternative racial trait for the flavor and said that my character has visions of people, because I thought it sounded cool. But essentially, all the mechanics that supported these visions were the once-per-day Dream SLA.

I was really surprised when my DM took this way further than that in the first and subsequent sessions. He was constantly throwing premonitions at key situations at my character during play, for example a sense of danger of wrongness, or a glimpse of someone's death. He even wove the ability my character had and the blanks I left in my backstory (regarding my patron) deep into the backstory of the setting itself. He did similar things with every other character that left things for him to work with.

Having things to discover about your own character is awesome. I don't think I've ever played a more immersive campaign than that.

>>55315389
Nigga, just let them have the yoyo. Not like it breaks the campaign

>>55318665
True that, man. That campaign I described was also my most immersive one. Also, when I DM, I too enjoy filling the blanks of the PC's backstory, even if its a minor thing:

Last time I DMed the half-elf rogue said he had an earring that his dying mother gave to him and said it was important for him to keep (it was just one, not a pair). Meanwhile, another PC was an Elf druid that lived as an outcast, when an archdruid (also known as "purple pidgeon", due to his ability to shift into a fucking purple pidgeon) showed up and requested that she traveled far to the city of men to give something to her aunt, who apparently lived there.

Two or three sessions after, the druid arrives at the human city, talk to the elf community asking for her aunt (which she hadn't heard about for decades), only to find out she had died years ago. But of course, she had a son, which was the other PC, making the PCs cousins (which helped bringing the team together). Also, the thing the druid brought was the other piece of the earring set from the rogue's backstory.

Its simple, but its fun because it took a while for the players to realize that I was using their backstory like this :)

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>>55312435
I nuoo. But they bolth a killogramme.

>>55299155
>Not letting players who come up with fun ideas do it in the game.
Probably more interesting than whatever your quest with goblins was supposed to be.

>>55315199
>Plays a high magic fantasy game
>is surprised that magic is actually useful
nah, fuck off you uncreative cunt

>>55315222
>Most people on 4chan are fans of anime
>>55315169
>guy posts anime avatar/reaction pic
>plus he's playing d&d
Safe to say this guy isn't looking for grounded or realistic and if he was... Well, I guess I can see why his players thought a giant yoyo was appropriate.

>>55313837
im sure it was stress induced, sometimes you cant help it

>>55315545
>You're still supposing things without any evidence of them.
No he isn't, you fucking autistic sperg retard. This is why you're "that" GM.
Fuck, no wonder no one wants to play with your dumb ass. Everything is so fucking personal with you.
Grow up.

>>55315932
>I'm a baiting retard
>But I'm going to accuse all of you of being bating retards
Nah, you were right, you are retarded.

>>55319011
The issue isn't that he used magic to solve a problem. Its that he used a 3rd level spell upwards of like, 30 times because he had a race that said he could, not to mention powergaming his new character to fit that exact situation and counter it.

>>55314873
>>55314873
>Is making a shitty home-made flail based off of a children's toy alone seriously not enough for you?
Not really. Honestly would've given him kudos for thinking outside the box with the materials he had at hand. Maybe wouldn't make it an OPTIMAL weapon, but as long as he isn't sperging over the stats trying to make it some turbo-death weapon I see no issue.

>Imagine you're trying to play a game, and some dumbass wheels up to you with this thing right here
Now hold on there famalam, what the fuck is this? You said you gave the goblin a "yo-yo" that pic isn't a yo-yo, that's a big-ass wheel. When you use the word "yo-yo" I'm thinking some little ball on a string about the size of my fist (Maybe size of my head tops), but the way you're describing it now makes it sound like he's chucking wagon wheels around at folks.

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>>55304008
>>55304074
>>55304131
>>55304199
>>55306628
>>55310132
>>55312831
>>55314991
Could this possibly be the most petty thing /tg/ ever got upset about?

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>>55319431
Not even close.

>>55319431
Not really. Besides, no one seems upset, they're just calling that guy a faggot. That doesn't take a lot of emotional investment.

>>55319499
Getting so bothered by dots that you make a post about it is weird to me.

>>55315713
>This is still 4chan m8.
Doesn't matter, you can say as many reddit memes about how "terrible" 4chan is, you're still making assumptions. And you know what they say about those.

>>55315906
BTFO'd.

>>55318765
>Nigga, just let them have the retarded thing that's retarted
Why? Retarded silly things break the narrative.

>>55318867
>"Fun" ideas
Nah.

>>55319091
>Safe to say this guy isn't looking for grounded or realistic
Actually the opposite. I prefer grounded and realistic play. Just because something is anime does not mean I automatically enjoy shounen or magical girl harems.

>>55319159
>you fucking autistic sperg retard.
I hope you realize the irony in stating this.

>>55319415
>but the way you're describing it now makes it sound like he's chucking wagon wheels around at folks.
I was gonna respond to the rest of your post, but this part interests me. Did you miss the part where I said he takes TWO GOBLIN SHIELDS? I don't mean bucklers, friend, I mean it was at least 3-4 feet in diameter and described as such. The initial goblin did have a toy yo-yo in his pocket, yes, but the player then crafted a combat "yo-yo" out of the materials mentioned above. That's why I put those quotes around "yo-yo".

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>>55319634
>Did you miss the part where I said he takes TWO GOBLIN SHIELDS?
Oh. Oops.

Well I feel silly now. My apologies for being retarded.

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>>55319681
Thank you so much. I know I said I was being That Guy in the initial post, but I just wanted someone in this thread to acknowledge that the idea was at least stupid.

>>55294282
Grey Jedi are massive red flags, I'm surprised you didn't just kick him immediately

>>55319719
Most idea's are stupid. Most PC's are stupid.

People will acknowledge that without you needing to share a story.

As it was though, it just sounded like you were hating on him for badwrongfun.

>>55318435
Is your friend 14?

Themesong for these kinda threads
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrgpZ0fUixs

>>55313837
what the actual fuck

>>55293722
The spirit of Tom Bombadil lives on..

>>55315488
don't listen to the haters anon, I'm on your side

>>55293900
Someone break out the Wish spell!

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>>55316816
hahahahaha that is so funnnneeeyy hahahah I wish I could play with you so that I could have SO. MUCH. FUN. like you obviously haaave.

pfffft a paper cut that adds hours to studying a boook HHAAh

I am aware I'm being overly autistic about this, but I've just had so much of this shit with LOLRANDUB DMs and players that I get triggered as soon as I sense something similar. Sorry anon

>you enter a large, empty, domed chamber of the cavern. Torches bright with blue flames line the walls. There is an altar on a central platform that is ringed by a shallow, circular stream of glowing water. The cambion at the altar spins at your entrance and brandishes his spear. Roll initiative
>Alright (rogue player) you're up first
>"Can I hide?"
>Behind what, (rogue player)?
>"Idk I want to stealth"

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>>55316821
>>55315488

I never professed to be good or agreeable. Fuck you.

>>55320139

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

>>55297318
>TFW you will never be able to have your character use a naked masturbating gnome with a rod of wonders up his ass as a bludgeoning weapon

Why even play?

>>55319431
Cringy gaia-tier ellipses abuse is cancerous. Fuck off.

>>55318435
Makes me wonder if he's just fucking with you.

ok guys we are playing Legend of the 5 Rings
>I wanna be a teutonic knight

>>55319133
i don't know how stressful watching youtube videos is because he shits himself to this day while just sitting around the place.

>>55320202
>pfffft a paper cut that adds hours to studying a boook HHAAh
I know you literally pointed out that you were being overly autistic about it, but I have seen and heard FAR worse than just getting a paper cut from a shitty roll.

>>55320097
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw7SlPagGw8

all i can say

>>55315169
Sounds like you're easy to mess with, overreact regularly, and in funny ways. Maybe that's why the group messed with you when you got disgruntled. And maybe you should loosen up a bit.

>>55315169
>SCHTOPP HAFFING FUN WRONG!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!

thats u thats how u talk

>>55320650
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
at least no orange faces

>>55300076
Oh it gets better, someone started making a movie from it.

Here's chapter one: https://vimeo.com/11701935

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>>55321171

Wow.

>>55317473
So you had a valid point and all, but I can't take this post seriously when I'm reading it in William Shatner's voice. Comma use, my dude!

>>55321650
Point taken. I love me some superfluous and/or grammatically wrong commas from time to time.

Good ol' Kirk is not the worst possible narrator spirit to conjure up, though.

>>55319719
We know it's stupid. You're just getting called a fucker for trying so hard to shut down a harmless gimmick

>>55319719
don't try and play the sympathy card now, hitler

I hate when its obvious the DM just lets anything pass if the player comes up with something out of the box.

>do something normal
>roll dice as usual

>think of some crazy stunt with a lot of risks
>conveniently everything went perfectly except the character's roll for the task

I know no one wants to take the time calculating all that, but why even bother adding all these details if its just gonna come down to a single diceroll?

>>55303411
No worries anon, it's a pasta.

I'm a newfag and I've already seen it thrice.

>>55320294
>"Very well, your rogue closes his eyes and stops seeing the cambion. Let's hope this works both ways."

bamp

I wasn't a long term part of this group. In fact I only joined it for one session, although this game might pick up in the future. I'll just say what happened on my session alone, with maybe a few incorrect details.

>Party investigates some cultist guys being attacked. Apparently cultists were somehow friends to an NPC friend (which players don't know yet, I think), but at least That Guy doesn't like them.
>Party's investigation leads them into the alley where attack started from, where my character, a Paladin cop was looking over the scene.
>Sticks to protocol in general about 'civilians' and all that but since they need to participate, let them help him.
>Party find signs that the assassin escaped to the roofs, everyone climbs.
>I'm playing it really strict, "subdue not kill".
>Spot the assassin running away on rooftops, since the thing literally just happened and paladins were around.
>Party spellcaster (can't remember what class exactly) casts Entangle to slow assassin down.
>That Guy decides that since assassin kill people he didn't like, he like assassin.
>Says he's going to pretend to slip and break caster's concentration.
>Doesn't deceive me with his roll though, and he doesn't break the concentration.
>Immediately can tell it was intentional.

T.B.C

>>55325868
Cont.

>I give two other dudes the go-ahead to go knock assassin out while I grapple and handcuff TG's character.
>Manage to win grappling contest and put him in manacles.
>Charge him with attempted obstruction of justice, possibly collaborating with the assassin and resisting arrest.
>Tries to headbutt me but doesn't beat my AC.
>Charge him with assaulting an officer.
>Remove his weapons, give them to Filborg PC who did nothing wrong yet.
>TG says he's gonna try to break out and jump off the roof.
>Asks DM how much damage it'll do if he fucks up but DM doesn't tell him as he doesn't have to.
>Decides to finally give up.
>Meanwhile other two PCs find a symbol on the assassin of another group of people TG's character doesn't like.
>Escort TG and friends back to crime scene where other paladin cops are, bringing K.O'd assassin too.
>BakeEmAwayToys.png
>NPC friend is on the scene.
>Thanks everyone for catching assassin and gives gold. I of course decline because I'm just doing my job.
>Asks why PCs getting taken away, so I explain. He doesn't look happy.
>PCs get thrown into jail while I go report to "Commissioner".
>Get assblasted for not following procedure, typical old cop show stuff.
>Say that while TG's character did shit, others seemed to comply and equally be not happy with what he did.
>Meanwhile TG claims that his "good friend" the NPC is gonna come save him.

Pretty sure the next session that happens is gonna be the trial. 90% sure TG's character is getting executed.

>>55312365
Didn't grudge kill him, retard killed an innocent person for no reason in front of a paladin of torm and got fucking demolished

>>55300076
True literature, you uncultured swine.

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>Running a new campaign
>"Okay guys I wanna run a really hard campaign, it's going to be a war campaign so lots of battles"
>Roll up a fighter who specialises in horseback riding
>First session is a fucking tight knit dungeon
>Eventually we find a puzzle
>Dragonborn wizard tries to figure it out
>DM describes how a trap door opens at the back of the room and the floor tilts , sending him backwards
>Player Rolsl a balance
>gets a 7
>"Nah you fail, can I see your character sheet for a sec?"
>Players hands it to the DM
>DM rips it in half
>"you fall 2000 feet and die"
>No saves, no anything, just instant death
>another player dies to this
>mfw

>3 players all want to be Kobolds
>in a standard Forgotten Realms setting

>>55326334
Sounds like a lotta fun

>>55299155
Combat yo-yos are a thing in D&D, though. They're called spindle-disks.

>>55293927
Kind of happened to me. One of my players DM'd for a bit and invited a player without warning or permission and now I am stuck with her when I DM

>>55302838
You are a cuck if you don't call his bullshit at all times

>>55306788
>>Runs around casting magic circle against evil because his retarded "saint" race allows him to
>>Eventually the priest gets forced out of his magic circle

You fucked up, mate.

"All creatures within the area gain the effects of a protection from evil spell, and no nongood summoned creatures can enter the area either."

Vampires aren't summoned, and there's nothing about being forced out of area in either case - only about not being able to enter.

>>55294282
Alternative force traditions are way superior to grey jedi.

Like my semi-primitive shaman who still thinks that half of this sci-fi stuff is magic.

>>55295745
Warlocks don't get familiars, though.

>>55327328
They do in 5E. It's an archetype.

>>55327328
Pact of the Chain

>>55327328
What? Tomelocks can, and Chainlocks are defined by it. That's 2 out of 3 core choices that have/can have familiars.

Would I be That GM if I made everyone who didn't make a character play a level one villager? I gave them a full week to do their sheets and only one out of five players actually did it. I've warned them multiple times that there would be consequences for not making a sheet before session time. Before you ask - these are people I've played with for over three years now, and the system is extremely simple in terms of char gen.

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I loved my DM.

>Join game of 5e
>Nobody besides me has ever played before
>Prepare for a beginner game and make a simple fighter
>Not that experienced myself but read the PHB a few times and played a few one offs
>Know 2 of the other players and the DM from somewhere else
>Turns out nobody knows any of the rules not surprised
>Tell them where to find the rules in the PHB
>DM gets angry
>w-what?
>Players dont have the PHB or core rules
>"The DM thought it was too complicated for us"
>One player used a 3 page summary of DnD to play
>Another one dandwiki
>DM nearly wipes party several times because nobody knows how to play
>Need to explain simple rules to everyone
>DM starts screaming at me over voice chat for 10 minutes that they shouldnt use the PHB
>Need to calm him down and explain for 30 mins why the core rules are important to playing the game
>He agrees to let them read it
>Next session goes way better and everyone actually knows how to roll dice or what their stats mean


This was by far the most confusing moment I ever had, he had done a lot more horrible things to be worth mentioning here but that was the moment that made me realize just how bad he is. Other things included making a Cleric roll religion to pray to his own god at a normal altar for no reason, leaving every session for 2 hours or so and lastly adding way too much fetish fuel.

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>>55327408
>>55327415
>>55327433
Oh. I feel like an idiot- I was thinking of 3.5, since I was just playing my warlock/ur-priest and felt somewhat confused and (possibly) cheated because I didn't have a familiar.

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>>55327450
How the fuck did you actually play with him for more than one session?

I'm that guy
>powergamer
>forgets some of the rules in a party where most people are new
>bad roleplayer
>makes an antisocial asshole character
>interrupts the DM / other players to talk about inane shit
>says awkward shit during breaks and generally acts in a disruptive manner
>uses memes in real life
>makes way too many jokes
But this is just the cherry on top of the big fat cake that I hide from the party.

>>55319634
Mate that's a 4chan meme

I guess one game I DM'd for my friends I was super That DM.

>friends explore wizard's mansion
>find a magical crystal
>quasit steals it and runs away
>chase it to ritual room
>kill quasit
>ritual room has wizard's notes
>level 2 wizard decides to recreate the ritual
>"Are you sure you wanna do that?"
>he is sure
>opens a portal into demonscape
>4 quasits come out and kick their shit in, killing them

I felt like I should've. It's common sense above anything that you don't just randomly do a ritual you found.

>>55327526
I can forgive all the other shit, but not sharing cake? You fucking monster.

>>55327575
>asking "Are you sure you wanna do that?"
>does it anyways

Your players got what they deserved.

>>55327575
You did the right thing.

>>55293692
I would intentionally play either a yokel who guestimates or a noble who always exaggerates or dismissively under or over represents things in a party with this guy.

As the yokel, I would accuse him of thinking he's better than me for delicious in character RP drama. I'd conduct myself OC as exacting as I could to his arbitrary and annoying standards to make it obvious this is a blatant character choice on my part as a player. And then use that as a segway to talk about it when the lines of discussion blur between IC and OOC as his problem with it is brought to the fore of discussion.

>>55327575
>tries to do a ritual before researching what it's supposed to do
>at level 2

you did nothing wrong
if anything, letting him complete the ritual as intended is a bit questionable, but the effects of a ritual going haywire would have been as deadly (or worse) anyway

Our usual group, plus one part time player. He makes it about every third session. His work is fucked up, so we understand.

>2 transmuters and a fighter and a bard, all level 2.
> Accept an invite to see the kingdom's master of coins.
>This guy is basically responsible for all the funds in the kingdom.
>" I've heard of your exploits stopping the bandits near the spine cove, and recovering Lord Decim's young daughter. Well done. The crown thanks you and has decided to give you 1000 crowns as an additional reward"
>We all thank him except for the bard. The bard says "it wasn't a walk in the park. 1000 gold isn't really shit for all the work we did"
>Everyone cringes...and ooc ask "wtf are you doing??!!"
>The bards player says " this fuck has unlimited gold...let's milk him"
Chaos erupts at the table...lots of "you stupid fuck", and " dude, don't do this shit"
The part time player is really offended at the bard...gets pissed.
>STFU man... you're screwing things up.
>Bard says " fuck you part time "
After more arguing...
>Master of coins says " excuse me a moment, I have a message to check"
>MoC returns 5 minutes later...
>"I have a job offer for you all"
>Bard jumps up, kicks the guys desk, knocks papers off and screams " fuck you! How dare you make us wait!! You want to fucking die?"
>MoC calls for his guards, orders us arrested. We just threatened the crown...
>Bard grabs a 20 and says " init time?"
We surrender and the guards pommel the bard unconscious.
We're locked up in a nasty cell. Bard says:
>Rolling diplomacy, going to try to get the guard to release us"
>Dm says ok
>Nat 20
>Dm says roll to confirm crit
>18
>Dm:" the guard Snickers and walks off"
Everyone but me, the DM and That guy leaves.
He says " I hate that part time fucker, he screws up all our games"

I'm not sure I even want to play with the bard again. He's not normally that bad...but it's always something.

>>55328147
why did the whole group get arrested when it's just one of you fucking up?

not really a TG story, just the DM acting up
his GF gave him an STD or he gave her or some weird shit I honestly didn't wanna know the details
point is the dm was visibly miserable and angry over it

>last saturday
>start a "low magic" campaign at level three
>one guy rolls a wizard
>DM suddenly flares up
>"oh that's how you wanna play, with magic? no problem."
>I eye the other players worryingly
>start as prisoners in some cult's cave
>magic everywhere
>they are pissing, drinking, and ejaculating rainbows
>weird magic circles and demonic penises drawn everywhere
>rogue/bard does some sneaky shit and frees us
>half the room is animated objects and they start screaming and charging at us
>all the cultist come with scrolls in hands and wands up their asses
>our wizard gets to play first and he casts one of his level two spells
>"oh you were standing on one of the dark magic circles, you cast dance of ruin instead"
>rolls 2d20. rolls 40
>"well shit anons, everyone dies, the end"

we spent an hour arguing and then just started playing again with no magic users in the party

>>55328234
guilty by association I guess.

>>55328147
>this fuck has unlimited gold
"Well why don't we just print more money!"

Also did he really say "1000 crowns as an additional reward"? Sounds like either you guys were working a job already, and got a reward, or could've really recovered anything from bandit camp.

Also
>level 2
>thinks he's hot shit enough to try and get more money, and threaten government officials

I wish I could share my That Guy stories, but nobody ever believes them.

>>55328573
Tell me, Anon.

>>55328234
You came in as a group... every one is going to jail. The details can be worked out later. But for now, you're ALL going.

>>55328492
>Also did he really say "1000 crowns as an additional reward"? Sounds like either you guys were working a job already, and got a reward, or could've really recovered anything from bandit camp.
We got a light reward last session, and the DM said more was coming. Last session ended with the message to come see the MoC.
I think we got 200 gold each, from original reward and what the bandits had.
The 1000 from the crown was just a bonus for managing to save the kid too.

>>55292959
>>Group insists on bringing in a new guy
>>Don't consult me (DM) on this at all and just bring him to the 5th or 6th session
>>Had faith because the guy asked what edition and the setting etc
>>ACleverRuse.jpg
>>He doesn't know shit about how the game works
>>His first in character conversation is calling the barbarian a 'nincompoop'

Oh yeah, this is fine. This is clearly going to turn into a Player ruse and it will be a "that DM" greentext where it's revealed he's a player and not the dm. This'll be good...

>the rest

Well, you're a faggot for the first part. It just feels like splitting hairs and being kind of a cunt. Oh no he called someone a nincompoop and your friends invited another guy to enjoy the game w/ everyone without getting the masters permission.

But the rest is justified. About the third time, I'm assuming you just told him to either play or leave. And if it happened again you kicked him.

>>55328696
So you guys got, let's say, 500 gold each. That's really not bad. I guess bard thought he'd be a cool guy and get you more money, then got upset when you all rejected the idea.

I hope DM's next move is some sort of trial, maybe zone of truth as bonus. You guys wouldn't be lying if you said you made no threats and were satisfied with the cash, the bard thought he'd make a good buck. Then it's up to him to either ask nicely for forgiveness or stay stupid.
Honestly he's a cunt for even singling out part-time even though you all told him he was being dumb.

>>55328808

Last session was good. Decent reward for our efforts and bravery. Bard just got greedy and stupid.

It's getting difficult to get us all together to play these days.
I worry about that.
Things like last game just compounds my worries.
5 years ago, we'd work it all out IC, and chuckle about it.
Now tho, I'm concerned that part time won't come back over this.

>>55328573
Points are given for entertaining lies.

>>55328904
Aye that'd suck. But I would give Bard a benefit of the doubt of one stupid session. A crime of passion, if you will. Hopefully things will straighten out for you.