/tg/ humor thread

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>>55278952

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>>55279323

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Jesus anon, you really need to get yourself some funnier greentext

>>55279675
I started this thread to build a collection but no one's posting ;(

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>>55279828

>>55278952

If I wanted humor I would ask you your 1 dpr max!

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>>55280361

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>>55280372

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I'll post a few greentexts that I don't see that often on this board.

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>>55280381

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>>55280395
Finale.

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>>55280393

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>>55280412

>>55278952
Want to hear a joke.4chan.
also Fuckyou

>>55280361
>>55280372
>>55280381
I love you

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>>55279347
Absolutely amazing.

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>>55280412
Probably one of my favorite tropes are DMs taking a player's dumb mistakes/ideas and spinning them into session altering autism.

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>>55280950
>Players don't like thing X even though it took a lot of time and effort
>Players like thing Y even though it took none
Then stop wasting your time, dingus

>play a Vampire: the Masquerade game.
>There's a Chinese loli Brujah, a fish mouthed Nosferatu, a crippled Malkavian machinist, a Japanese-American Toreador, and a 15th gen caitiff (me)
>we are the most terrible group the Prince could employ.
>Scope out a blood bank in a near future time.
>Some ghouls are escorting a delirious neonate towards it.
>we approach to see WTF is going on
>bitch goes crazy and attacks
>Knife Loli attacks and gets like 5-6 successes. Oh my god the ghoul handler fucking explodes pretty much like some Kung Pow: Enter the Fist bullshit
>Nosferatu PUNCHES HANDLER SO HARD HIS NECK BREAKS.
>well now my team has just killed 2 dudes and put a fresh bitch into torpor in broad moonlight. Cameras caught that shit.
>"well great what the fuck do we do now?"
>Malk hacks the cameras and shuts the lights off.
>we throw the bodies and the neonate in a pile in the trunk of my caitiff's prius. Yes, he drives a hybrid.
>"What the fuck do we use to restrain her?"
>stop by Caitiff's house to use his Hot Topic belt and dog collar leather collection to restrain the neonate.

>decide to park in the hidey spot
>My character regards Knife Loli, "Speaking of self-restraint; we need to have a talk about not killing people." About to have this big touching heart to heart about retaining Humanity.

>Knife Loli: "The Japanese one is that one, over there." Pointing at the toreador.
>....
>Caitiff is stunned to silence peeking over sunglasses while Knife Loli runs around the pipe yard making airplane noises.

>>55281146
>same game

>Caitiff and Knife Loli go looking for a magic pimp. Yes.
>Find Magic Pimp.
>Dude tries to knock Caitiff out with a sap. 5 Stamina + 3 Fortitude. Absurd successes.
>There's a 'BONK' and an "Ow. Quit it." Sneaky guy hiding behind the door is horrified
>Knife Loli ACTIVATED. Celerity level FuckYou.
>oh jesus she's doing it again fuck fuck fuck WHY DID SHE ROLL SO MANY 10S OH MY GOD
>3 guys fucking fall over at -5 in the span of a single round.

>Magic Pimp lunges for Knife Loli next turn with a gold plated knife.
>She has initiative. And decides to dodge. Fucking cherry blossoms and glitter everywhere as she gets like 6-7 successes.
>Magic Pimp's Storyteller rolled result is a botch.
>Magic Pimp misses and hits the edges of a table balls-first. Falls over and curls up like a dead spider, groaning.

>Caitiff: :| .... "Do you drink your crunk from a sippy cup?"

>>55281223
>Later on in the game. Make friends with a shota Ventrue and his best friend, a Sewer Tzimisce. Looks like Slender Man as a nudist garbage pail kid. 7'0 tall, head like a pumpkin.

>Climb out of the sewer intending on going to the Nos' ulterior hideout.

>Accompanied by the pair of ghouled pet fleshcrated alligators. Or komodo dragons. Whatever man; they're fucking monstrous lizards. Nos is unaware Sewer Tzimisce is bringing pets.

>The fucking ghouls park inside the basement of the home in suburbia.

>Nosferatu: ".. Why are there dimetrodons in my living room?"

>Caitiff: "We ran out of cash for the meter."

>Ghouled Lizard 1 peers at the caitiff. Then Ghouled Lizard 2 does, as well.

>Caitiff: "Good doggies?"

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>>55280971
Improved version.

>>55281146
>>55281223
>>55281299
8/10, had me a giggle.

>>55280209
Kek

>>55281415
kek

>>55279323
Except that bags of holding are portals to pocket dimensions. Why would running into the container for the portal affect the dimension on the other side of the portal? Why would the force be transferred?

>>55282048
>dihydrogen peroxide
This rustles my jimmies, pentane is a much better rocket propellant.

>>55282048

>the blue chair

How horrible.

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Abandon all hope, all ye who read this text

>>55281415
>Abstract nouns do not exist
>Everybody calls them dragons for no raisin
>RAISIN

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>>55281415
good post lmfao

>this entire thread
I missed you so much, /tg/.

>>55289162
>Chris Orksen
Not it's ok, I didn't need my sides today.

>>55289162
both disturbing and hilarious

>>55289162
Has someone made a Chris Orksen edit yet? I need this.