Has one of your PCs ever had a "no way fag" moment?

>>55102888
My cleric had battled through an enchanted forest to a shrine containing a non-hostile dryad hottie. She kept complimenting my character and saying something about how she'd love to help him rest. I looked over my hp and mana, and kept politely refusing because he didn't really need rest. It turns out she was trying to bang my character right there, but it went completely over my head OOC.

>>55102888
Party monk was given lovey-dovey eyes by an innkeeper woman, but didn't pursue it, and we got the following exchange out of it.
>NPC bard: Why not? What's wrong with a little romance?
>Monk: As I am a monk of the open palm, I cannot close my hand to hold another.
>Fighter: You know you have two hands, right?

>>55103704
>How do you think I got by all these years?

>>55102888
it's not quite the same but our party got beat up pretty badly by a slaad, we just about survived the fight and then some wrinkly old woman shows up and starts REEEEing at us, she downed one guy with some magic and so fearing the worst I bartered my body for our safety

I don't regret it, just sad attendance problems killed the game.

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>>55102888
>Be me
>Paladin
>Traveling the land to stop the advance of some non-descript dark lord
>Pass through some city of mages, meet young magician lady who helps us
>She confesses her love to me, exposes childhood trauma related to dark lord, we kiss
>Promise to come back for her when everything is done

>Some time later
>She joins the party as an NPC
>Pretend like nothings new, there's a whole world out there to save
>She starts acting weird
>Decide to speak to her in private, asking her what's up with our relationship now
>She puts the ball in my court
>"No way fag, we have a world to save"
>Now she's mad and utterly ignores me

I have to give credit to my DM, he's playing one hell of a believable woman.

>>55104049
>"No way fag, we have a world to save"
Proper response right there.

Not sure if it counts but I played a character who was a eunuch for a good year and a half and my GM had forgotten that fact.

At one point in the campaign a rather forward whore started flirting with my character and the GM took my awkward dismissals as being an ooc thing, so for a laugh had the girl grab my cock... I then had to re-inform him and we got to play a fairly funny scene out of it.

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>>55102888
Every time because most of the people I play with irl are deviants.

My PC caught the attention of a psychotic genetic experiment that was some monster girl-esque thing with tentacles and acid spitting and shit.

Wasn't really a magical realm thing, making the sort of thing was completely in-character for the scientist(who was killed by said experiment) to make something like that. She came across as more never having any real human contact and a child-like mindset. Obviously, I politely gave her a "No Way Fag" response to her invitation to "play."

Except replace "No Way" with my sword, and "Fag" with stabbing her in the face repeatedly.

He also got a robot daughter-fu because he was the only one dumb enough to put his bare hands on a strange metal slab we found floating in space, with the exact phrase "What could possibly happen?" She expressed interest in him, but he had to turn her down because he was already basically engaged at that point.

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>>55104200

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I ran the Great Pendragon campaign for about a year and a half. Around half way through a player purchased an elephant for his lavish estate while the party was kicking around Rome after Arthur invaded. The elephant never did show up to Britain though, everyone figured that the player had been screwed or the order lost or whatever.

Flash forward 25 years. The players arrive at camelot to find the steward arguing with a Berber gentleman about the elephant he was saying someone here had ordered. The son of the man who originally ordered the elephant decided to donate it to the Camelot zoo, and soon the elephant revealed herself to be a a magical talking elephant. She was quite personable and took a fancy to the good Sir Arcadius, and she eventually proposed to him (still in elephant form) at a large feast, after essentially being cajoled into accepting she immediately turned into a beautiful woman! The two married and had a loving relationship for over a decade until sir Arcadius's death.

However it took Sir Arcadius a few years to consummate the marriage as he was deathly afraid his blushing bride would turn back into an elephant during the act.

Was a good source of comedy for a few in game years, she started getting VERY pushy.

>>55102888
I was playing a mage in a modern game and fought the mafia al la hotline Miami in a strip club.

After getting done in the back room I learned that when I crit failed a spell it had made me irresistible.

Needless to say I had to fight my way out of there, tooth and nail.

>>55102888
I play bards so no, never

>>55102888
Real talk:

Why did Leon turn down Ashley?

>>55104544
he didnt fag, he just waited for the game to end, he has a reputation lol

>>55104544
First of all, Leon is adasexual. Second, she is too young and acts under influence of the moment. Third, her dad is president of USA.

>>55104200
>Theon_greyjoy.webm

>>55102888
>players travelling through ancient ruins of a massive city
>several sessions in, bard complains about lack of women
>setting has mousefolk, so i decide to say fuck it and have them encounter a survivalist mousegirl named Amily next session
>bard immediately shies away from doing it with one of the beast races and they move on
>as soon as I mentioned the name, one of my player's jerked upright and stared at me
Unfortunately he ended up moving before I could do anything else with it.

>>55104544
It's his bosses daughter, his boss is the president of the United States, he was in the middle of a job, and he was still holding a torch for the mysterious hot Asian lady he knew for maybe an hour and a half years ago.

>>55104831
I would also be alarmed by such a revelation for likely similar reasons.

>>55102888
Our party had to investigate a brothel for connection to the mafia/illuminati.

As an honorable cleric, I did basically nothing the entire session.

>>55104831
>bard immediately shies away from doing it with one of the beast races
What a fucking pussy.

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>>55104831
>survivalist mouse girl named amily

>>55104870
She's extremely vanilla, and it's not like anything else in the campaign had been fetish-fuel.

>>55104831
Hi Fen

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>go to a temple to help out with Not!skeletor
>female oracle there is super cute
>she obviously likes my knight
>not so subtly subtly hinting that her door is unlocked
>No way fag, my knight is hella gay
>turns out the oracle was secretly a boy though.

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>>55104933
Fen didn't write her (she doesn't have a massive horse dick).

>>55104897
It kinda became a game trying to see exactly how furry a given NPC could be before he would refuse to bed her. He pretty staunchly stuck to the 10% furry line.

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>>55102888
My previous character was a bard who, predictably, was always the target of all kinds of romantic situations. Unfortunately for everyone involved, he was also a noble heir with a massive stick up his ass, who had no interest whatsoever in random thots throwing themselves at him. It became a bit of a running joke during that campaign.

>>55104831
>>55104870
>>55104933
I don't get it?

>>55105092
CoC has more than one meaning, anon.

>>55105092
It's a reference to the same character, race, name and all from a shitty furry game

>>55105142
>furry game

You've been playing it wrong anon

>>55105202
it's clearly a goblin breeding simulator

>>55105202
I played4 it to knock up every goblin and harpy multiple times

>>55104831
>GM tries to get his player to fuck a furry
>player smartly declines and moves away
Smart move.

>>55104940
C U T E

>>55104897
>What a fucking pussy.

>Have a rockstar bard
>get a half-giant warrioress waifu
>cheat on her with other races all the time, including my fairy familiar

Had a bit of a pickle when some epic-level witches I seduced marked me and I had to quickly bullshit an explanation of why "Property of Morganne LeFaye" was tattooed on my ass.

>>55105225
Did you get the good end with your goblin children?

>itt incels play pretend they're volcels

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>>55105611
Anon, are you making up silly words again?

>>55105611
>unironically using LoveShy vocab
I SHIGGY DIGGY

>>55105611
>playing pretend
>on /tg/
Someone call the cops!

>>55105644
get with it gramps
>>55105679
>unironically thinks green txt is unironic
>>55105690
Your fun is a bad fun. The police have been notified and are tracing your ip to take your pretends.

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>old and busted
>slut
>flat
>tall and lanky
>poorfag
>shitty black hair
>boring small ears

vs

>young and fertile
>pure
>ballistics
>short and cute
>rich
>beautiful blonde hair
>exotic big ears

Ashley is objectively superior, what the hell Leon?

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>>55102888

>my wizard is shyboy in love with a fellow female (npc) wizard
>female (npc) martial in heat corners me and asks why I act funny around women
>tell her grew up studying and I have feelings for someone
>she goes through each character (pc & npc) asking if its them, says she'll help me to confess
>say no each one
>finally gets to herself, asks if I'm in love with her, she's on the cusp of kissing me, hand on my chin
>say no lol its this other character
>she says lol ok and promises to help instead

you know that bit of clone high where it's like
>Abe, I want you.
>You want me to what?
>What?
>Oh, you forgot what you were saying. Don't feel bad, happens to me all the time.
all of my characters, by default, act aggressively clueless about romance in that vein

>>55105238
It wasn't the bard that I was throwing curries at that moved, and the CoC player was already moving.

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>>55102888
>Playing a Ministorum Priest in Only War
>Scourge and Purge
>PC squad is part of the force sent to retrieve an Inquisitor and retinue surrounded by traitor guardsman
>I lead with my eviscerator as we carve swath and scatter their ranks
>Rescue the Inquisitor
>Retinue includes a SoB
>GM practically drops Bolter Babe in my lap
>There's no time for love while the enemies of God-Emperor still live

Pretty much every attempt at "romance" has gone that way. I really don't want to play that shit out with my GM

>>55106193

Why not? They want to with you.

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>>55106152
>trying to stop a loyal servant from doing his duty via carnal seduction
That's a power-paddlin'!

>>55102888
>Elven fighter/wizard thirsts for the half-human monk/warlock who tutored her and watched over her during her formative years.
>The sole heiress to a prominent noble family, she gave up all of that to wander the planes in search of him.
>When she finds him, he's a mental wreck who doesn't even recognize her.

>>55105839
Don't.
Fuck.
The.
Boss's.
Daughter.

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>>55106293

>>55106193
You don't, or your character doesn't?
There is an important difference.
I will pursue a romance, but if I feel it's going weird, will tell my GM to knock off the dumb shit and play it straight.
That said, I play a lot of WoD where seducing someone is supported by rules as well as roleplay, and has many purposes.
>>55106358
Especially the boss who can make you vanish with no questions.

>>55106506
>Especially the boss who can make you vanish with no questions.
Well, fucking with Leon is a risky proposition.

>>55102888
That's at least two of my PCs.

>one is an asexual robot
>one has the Abstinence: Sex quirk

>>55105072
I now know how to play my next bard, that's great

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>>55102888
>play warlock
>patron is a Fiend
>save a group of monks as in people from a monastery, not martial artists from a band of bandits hired to killed them
>turns out they are on a holy quest, adventure ensues
>kill the cult leader
>monks start giving out gifts
>warrior gets a lance of a saint, ranger gets a cloak of a saint and so on
>"And for you, warlock, we have the greatest gift of all..."
>"A ritual to sever your pact and give back your immortal soul to you!"
mfw

>>55108285
I'm retarded. Isn't that a good thing?

>>55108368
>Everyone else gets cool loot
>You get offered a ritual to make you loose all your shit and become a useless peasant.
This is not a good thing, Anon.

>>55108387
*lose

"Loose your shit" has a very different meaning. Unless the thing that tool your soul makes you forever constipated.

>>55106506
I don't. No matter what character motivations there may be the reality is I don't think the actors in question are up for doing it well

>>55108387
Not a useless peasant, since you get to keep all your shit as a Warlock once you lose your patron, but locked out of progression untill you another patron.

>>55106358
Rule of Acquisition 44, but what about 45?
>Always have sex with the boss.

>>55106009
>throwing curries at...
Was damage based on scoville scale?

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>>55104049
Nice.

>>55105867
Source on pic? All I'm getting is Fate/Kaleid.

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>>55108758
you have no idea

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>>55108387
>trading your eternal soul for worldly pleasures
This is not a good thing, Anon.

>>55109047
He already made the deal though. Even if he gets it back from some ritual he's basically just stealing it by breaching a contract, which seems like a pretty good way to get damned either way.

>>55105551
>cheating on your waifu
Your GM better changed your alignment away from lawful you ass.

>>55106323
>pictureforants.jpg

>>55108285
Just save the ritual until level 20 or whenever you feel like stopping. Unless it's a now-or-never thing. Then you're fucked either way.

>>55103479
>Cleric
>Mana
What system was this?

>>55109105
>bard
>ever lawful
nigger u wot

>>55108525
I think you mean 112 and 113

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>>55102888
>Playing young king who just ascended to the throne
>Inherit the most experienced army on the continent and a war my character's father started
>During a ceasefire in the war the nobility politely force me to look to for a wife
>GM throws all manner of politcal marriages at me
>All the courting takes away from managing the army
>Marry a lower noble girl that my pc played with as a child instead of jumping through hoops and go back to planning the next part of the war
>Wife designs fancy flag and makes my grenadiers carry it
>Gm is still wishes I'd have gone on the sidequest for a princess instead

>>55109535
Hey sidequests are great cmon man

>>55109291
well, 5e has rules for converting spell slots to points(mana), so could be

>>55102888
One of my current character's is a chaste knight who's waiting till marriage. However I've invested time into him learning to play the lute, and the other player and our npcs formed a good band at one point for a sort of short vacation arc. A princess sent my character her panties, my character effectively stonewalled her and hooked up with the somewhat autistic village girl he took to a fair once when they were younger. He's been with her for nearly 3 in game years and they only recently started to kiss with tongue, despite subtle but clear hints that she's willing to bang. So several moments I suppose.

>>55109579
A change of pace is only good if it's welcome. Dude is enjoying his playing a commander.

>>55104544
Hes not looking to bang the presidents daughter, hes a high ranking government worker.
Secondly hes got yellow fever, lots of jap games put in white dudes that want to/do fuck asians.

>>55109605
>5e has rules for converting spell slots to points(mana), so could be

Kinda. We were lazy and converted spell levels to points on a 1:1 basis for simplicity. It worked out surprisingly well, though we did start to notice the need for better scaling around level 7-9.

That experience helped me realize that mana can indeed work in tabletop. We don't need to be stuck on cumbersome legacy magic systems.

>>55109755
Dude, systems have had Mana since forever. Your revelation is a bit late.

>>55104544
Don't fuck your boss's daughter. Ever.

Although, after the president got turned into a zombie, Leon probably got on Ashley like white on rice.

>getting drunk in a bar the night before we're raiding a fort full of slavers
>Party member suggests my character let off steam with an npc that is interested in him
>He doesn't respond, just keeps drinking
>She's there at the bar, drunk as shit, starts moving in closer
>"You're drunk. Go home."

>>55109813
I heard of it before, but there's a difference between hearing something described to you and actually playing it in a real game.

Also, at the time my group had just relapsed back into dnd. I'm off it now, and I see things a little more clearly than I did back then.

>>55105679
>LoveShy
Is this like an entire forum of /r9k/? I think I've found my home.

>>55109954
>talking about d&d as if it were a drug
Get help, Anon.

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>my wizard started the game engaged to someone
>GM constantly trying to get him to cheat
>GM must fucking write NTR garbage in his spare time
>wizard meets each and every attempt with open mockery
>he couldn't even get a succubus to succ-essfully get in his robes

>>55104544
He didn't want the government to send Chris Redfield to kill him?

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>>55110081
>player constantly hooking up with random wenches while out adventuring
>half of his backstory was devoted to the minor noble's daughter that he married
>gets super pissed when she cheats on him in turn, to the point where we have to prematurely end the session and the rest of the party unanimously agrees to boot him from the group

>>55102888

Yep. There's this one time my party ended up meeting a group of naiads. The rest of the party didn't even bother to make their Will saves, and jumped into the water to get their fuck on.

My Paladin was the only guy left standing there, and thinking "God, I hope they all drown."

>Playing Dark Heresy
>Players are Tech-Priest (me) and a Psyker
>Still acolytes but we manage to save a world from a demonic incursion about to happen
>Fly to our Inquisitor's ship, we get a welcome back like we're heroes
>A woman walks up to the psyker and starts telling him how cool he was, starts flirting
>Another walks up to me and before she has a chance to talk, I say with an attitude "No pleasures of the flesh", complete with a hand gesture to shoo her away
>GM goes "Oh, I'm gonna show you now"

>Night comes, the psyker hears a knock on his door
>Opens the door to find the woman who was flirting with him before, starts kissing him aggressively, cue fade to black
>Next I hear a knock on my door
>I open the door to find... a servitor, which proceeds to start kissing me
>I try to resist, but the servitor rolls well enough to pin me
>GM says I spend the night in a hot sweaty session with the servitor
>Me: Hey GM, what the hell is that?
>GM: What, the servitor is no flesh.

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>>55111092

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>>55105839
>exotic big ears

Top taste

>>55111191
elflovers git oot

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>>55111202
no bully

>>55111233
elves are bullies so its ok to bully them back

>>55105839
Ashley get out of here, Leon isn't into you just get over it

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>>55111092

>>55110857
That's comically hypocritical.
At least one of the old rakes I played wasn't mad about his old flame re-appearing, despite the fact that she had probably slept around as much as he had. Once they got married, they called it even and quit sleeping around. It didn't hurt that they were the only people capable of keeping up with each other and neither had kids with anyone else.

>>55104449
>not wanting the elephussy

>>55109313
So what happened to ur bard in the end? Did the warrioress ever find out?

>>55104544
Ada is hotter

>>55112552
That's not an excuse imo. It's canon Ada fucked guys for espionage purposes. Leon remaining pure for her is bullshit. It's because Ashley is super young and his boss's daughter.

>>55109105
He was certainly Lawful.

Lawful Evil. He used his fame and rockstar persona/connections to keep good publicity while he did some real shady shit behind the scenes.

>>55111532
Sadly the game ended because it was Pathfinder, and our DM finally got sick of having to bend over backwards just to make it functional. We planned to port the game to a homebrew system the DM is still in the process of fine-tuning, but schedule conflicts kept it from happening.

Chances are she would have found out sooner or later, but if things went right, then it wouldn't have mattered because said Bard had his eyes on Lichdom, and after a party of classic horror movie figures (shortly after Starbomb did that Crashervania thing, our DM thought it was hilarious and we did a session inspired by it), I made a few connections with people who could help make that happen.

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>>55109535
nice

>>55111153
>>55111153
but thats wrong
servitors are still plenty flesh

The equivalent of God basically, wanted to restart the human race after ruin but he turned it down because he felt that on the one hand it would sully the divine and also because he felt it was another hardship that needed to be endured.

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>>55105072

>>55110081
>filename
heh

>>55104544
>boss' daughter
>also president's daughter
>leon lusts after certain dress wearing corporate spy
>would you really want to fuck a bitch who sounds like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13woBVQw1_8 especially if you don't have high strength acoustic earmuffs and earplugs available

>>55109291
STDH: the RPG

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>>55111233

>>55115186
why does the dwarf look like a bad newspaper comic character

>>55115206
Because he is
'Dragon's These Days'
His name is Byronjolf Fockenelves

Not sure if it counts but:
>We are playing Otherkin: the degenerates(also known as Changeling: the dreaming)
>Party was invited to an important ball
>My nocker is busy cursing like a druken sailor at the uptide Noble Seelie
>Meanwhile my friend who is playing a satyr(who hunts Thallian)is going through the ballroom to reach the balcony
>He is stopped by a Sidhe(?) woman who invites him to a dance
>Friend links this in the chat:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AFCxHmtHTGU
>He makes a roll to see if he knows her
>He botches
>ST:"She is the Queen of France."
>Friend:"Oh, so i reiterate to the Queen of France."
>Links the video again

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>>55102888

>>55103479

Not just a beta in real life but also in game, wizard confirmed

I was playing an old haughty witch. Another character was playing a gigolo priest of the god of gigolos.

First, she told him to stop trying to offer service, then turned herself ugly with warts and told the gigolo they are contagious.

>Playing Pyromant-Psyker in Dark Heresy
>Group was lured into a brothel full of Slaneeshi Deamons in disguise
>Arbites gone
>Assassin too seduced to move
>Adept was almost kissing a deamon
>Noticing that those are Deamons, while one is trying to seduce me
>burneverything.png
>Assassin lost his right leg to the flames

>>55105611
what?

>>55119007
It's the age old "make up words" thing

>>55119007
One of the things cults do is make up words that other people don't understand in order to further alienate its adherents.

>>55105839
NO WAY FAG
O

W
A
Y

F
A
G

>>55117948
>>We are playing Otherkin: the degenerates(also known as Changeling: the dreaming)
Well you sure are playing that wrong then.
It's like you don't want to be fey that make the Grimm stories seem tame.

>>55105839
>>exotic big ears
FAT DUMBO EARS

>>55111191
Go back to /5eg/

>>55104940
le feminine benis

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>>55104831
>mousegirl named Amily
What a fag.

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>>55115206
>talking shit about based senshi

>>55123007
I know, right? I offered him the opportunity to have a loving wife and a large family, and he backed away.

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>>55111153

Now THAT is grim dark my dear anon!

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>>55109088
>not grafting more souls into your being

>>55115186
Sauce?

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>>55124248
>fluff
>puff
I can no longer see these words in Dungeon Meshi without immediately thinking of Farlyn landing on the ground in her new form moments before the slaughter commences. The similarity of the onomatopoeias is too much and it saddens me greatly.

>>55102888
Had a DMPC I was trying to mercy-kill yell out 'But I loved you!' mid axe swing.

Suffice to say it was pretty awkward IC when I figured out a way to save them without killing them.

>>55103479
10/10

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In-game? Not really.
In real life? About twice a year.

>>55104544
cause he isn't a fag

Yeah, in a universe jumping campaign the DM wanted my guy to "satisfy" a super mutant to get an item so we could leave.

>>55103725
Your status in this regard is so well known that it's in the PDF thread boilerplate.

>>55128565
Can Super Mutants even get off like that? I thought they were sterile.

>>55128891
Sterile doesn't mean impotent. FEV renders mutants sterile by misidentifying reproductive cells as having damaged DNA and "repairing" them, but the rest of the equipment is still in working order.

>>55115186
>elves are sluts
news to no one

>>55104831
>forbidden lore

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>>55106193
What if the gm's a grill?

>>55103479
Your cleric was only pure.
Besides, don't you think your DM was secretly gay for you?

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>>55102888

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>Given an order by the monarch of a kingdom to secure funding for their war with a northern country
>eventually reach the conclusion that the best way to do this is to marry the king's daughter, a young virgin, to the local red dragon, worth several billion pounds of gold, who is looking for a wife and mate as he considers himself well off enough to cease his efforts in chasing wealth
>the king's daughter is frightened and distraught, understandably so, about being married off to a rather intimidating beast
>even more so as the prince of the norther country has promised her body to whatever general can secure victory in no uncertain language
>basically only being valued for her virginity, the young girl decides she's better off without it
>tries to seduce the knight/face of the party as she knows him
>knight/face of the party has to avoid getting caught up in her in order to not get roasted alive by an indignant dragon or executed for betraying the king
>even when the princess takes to sleeping naked in his tent
>My character did not help the matter as he/I did everything in our power to force the two to spend as much time together as possible, including forcing the two of them to share a horse and tent and eventually locked the two of them in a room together while the knight had to recover form severe wounds/hallucinogenic herbs he/I may or may not have fed him
>Game ends with a happy marriage as the girl actually becomes quite taken with the dragon, who is certifiably not-a-cunt-of-an-individual

>>55129473
If my DM looked like that, she'd be taken.

>>55115078
Don't forget that Leon asked Hunnigan (sp?) out after the game finished.

>>5512947
Well, propane or charcoal? These are important details.

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>>55127091
She is very cute, too bad Kabron had to slit her throat.

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>>55104200

>>55127091
Can someone point me to 38? I can't seem to find the damned thing, and I just got there.

>>55131092
>He doesn't look in the 4chan archive

I've done something similar in real life. Does that count?

>>55111153
>A woman walks up to the psyker and starts telling him how cool he was, starts flirting
Honestly I would expect it to be a final test by your boss to see if you let your guard down after the victory.

>>55127134
>Had a DMPC I was trying to mercy-kill yell out 'But I loved you!' mid axe swing.
That sounds awful and awesome at the same time.
I'm kinda hesitant about including love interests that confess to the player characters, because then the PC is caught between pissing them off and the awkwardness of not being interested. Plus doing a love confession is awkward as fuck in live games.

>>55104831
Nigga you WHAT
>scroll of reveal power level

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>>55102888
That's basically all my character's instant reaction to any attempt at sexual innuendo at all, I even go out of my way to make characters who are either unable to fuck in the first place due to being a robot/monster/ghost etc. or have no interest in it due to religion/work/marriage etc. because I have no interest in dealing with fuckin' in my d&d games or anywhere else because I've got dem brain dawgz.

So far it's worked out anyways since in my experience DMs only set up "romance" when they 1- want to kill the love interest for kicks/plot (Which is acceptable if done well imo) 2- want to kill you because succubus/assassin (Which can also be acceptable if it makes sense with the plot- ie: fuck with assassins guild, they have Black Widow type assassin go after party) or 3- magical realm bullshit.

>>55131970
You forgot 4- All of the above.

>>55109882
Implying thats not the best and only course of action.

>>55131980
Well, that's implied.

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>>55129473

Female GMs are all perverts.

>Other player talks me into trying female character
>No nonsense business woman trying to get her merchant on
>suddenly hunky men all over
>tell them to fuck off
>subby fuccbois everywhere
>absolutely not
>horny lesbians coming out of the god damn rafters
>send them packing
>Villain just drugs and rapes me


Never again will I fall into this trap.

>>55102888
I really like playing flirts but I don't actually like playing relationships. It's the dialogue that does it for me, being able to throw out lines shamelessly no matter how cheesy they are.

So to answer your question OP, always.

>>55132102
Lol, your GM was so thirsty

>>55132179

She is married to one of the other players.

>>55132179
>lol

>>55102888
[Perception]: So the joke is, even the most literally heterosexual idea is "LOL, gay", because dudebros are dumb?

>>55132213
>2017
>being so far down the rabbit hole that you forget basic internet vocabulary
>lulz.

>>55129473
No way fag

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>>55132387

>>55132505

Can we go deeper?

Also I love these minimalist degradations.

>>55132224

The joke is that in the game this hot chick is hanging all over the main character implying she wants his D so bad she can't wait any longer and the dude shrugs it off.

>>55132204

That don't mean shit for shit, and is most likely a symptom of why she's so thirsty. Provide with vaginal stimulus or a different fucktarget.

>>55132204
Did he help her in this plan?

>>55108525
I dunno, did the President ever proposition Leon?

>ITT: people bitching about bad GMs being bad.

There are GMs who can also use romance as a great source of entertainment in games, you know? Be it comedy or drama.

>>55132518
I dunno, kinda want to loss it up.

>>55103704
>Monk: As I am a monk of the open palm, I cannot close my hand to hold another.

>be a magic martial artist
>refuse to hold hands

YOU BRING SHAME UPON THE COMMUNITY AND YOUR TEACHERS

>>55108907
Know a girl that did that on accident once.
It took 3 months for her to be able to eat yogurt or drink milk again.
Go ahead, fap, I bet it's your fetish

>>55102888
>Be me
>Randomly stumble into this game
>DM was running another game at our regular time because it was a holiday or something
>They'd been playing literally all day, at the last encounter.
>They toss me the sheet of a fighter so I'm like "fuck it why not" and sit down
>They're all fucking wizards or some other kind of spellcaster
>There's this battle at some kind of not-stonehenge where some cult is going to sacrifice the virgin princess to summon their evil demon-god into the world
>All my wizard pals fly off to stop it at super speed.
>I jog behind them halfheartedly.
>Literally none of the badguys are paying attention to me. It's all wizard shit everywhere.
>I begin to intuit that my pals are losing.
>I know it's supposed to be a one-shot, so it figures the DM would have them loose the last encounter.
>I approach the podium in the middle where the virgin princess will be sacrificed when the planets align or something.
>She's in some kind of magically induced trace and chained up.
>Maybe I can break the chains? Carry her away?
>But as soon as the evil wizards notice me do it they'd turn me inside out.
>Hrm.
>"Hey, so you keep saying she's a virgin princess."
>"Yeah."
>...
>"Does... does she have to be?"
>(blank stares)
>"You know, for the magic?"
>...
>"Uh, yeah, I guess so."
>"Then I know why I'm here."
>The rest of the battle revolved around my wizard allies sacrificing themselves and their remaining spells to protect me while I... did what had to be done.
>The DM really didn't want it to work.
>Ruled that in order for it to count the fighter had to reach climax, which, he argued, wasn't possible due to the stress and horror of the situation.
>But one of the wizards was able to provide me with some kind of sound-and-vision-proof bubble while another somehow piped porn music directly into my head
>So I have to roll will saves for some reason. He has me do it every round.
>Four rounds later I roll an 18.
>The DM sighs and concedes.
Text limit

>>55133613
>Anyway, the cultists' evil master takes his wrath out upon his minions for failing him and their heads implode
>Their magic ends, so the princess wakes up to find that she's chained up with some brutish lout inside her.
>"Uh... sup?"
>She flips out, the wizards explain the situation
>But it's made quite clear her father the king (who hired the party to begin with) would have my head.
>I'm forced to go into hiding.
>No reward for my heroism.
>Wizard pals have to disavow me.
>Feels bad

That's pretty much it.

>>55133556
What does that have to do with milk or yogurt?
did she have to lather it all over herself in a vain attempt to make the burning stop?

>>55104200
Was there uh... a reason why he was a eunuch?

>>55133613
>>55133674
This is a "yes way, fag" moment, but I did crack a smile. Well done anon.

>>55111165
>running vestal/plague doc/graverobber/hellion
This is a retarded comp

>>55133718
Wounded in WWI.

>>55104468
>every bard ever has to be Lenny Killmister

>>55133844
*Lemmy*
FUG

>>55109535
wish that was posible in Dragon Commander

>>55133718
Because someone had removed his man parts

>>55133985
>not going with best pragmatic elf girl

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>>55133985
What would be the point? There already is an objectively best wife.

>>55112552
Ada is shit, the only "romance" subplot is terrible.

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>>55102888
> Rescue 3 and 1/2 human damsels.
> Return them to a local lord.
> Their law dictates we have to marry them.
> Am lizardfolk, refuse to foster inferior halfbreeds.
> The damsel tributed to me is in a state of shock.
> Stare into her eyes, and attempt to get through to her.
> Natural 20.
> She has a mental breakdown, and agrees to be an NPCs third wife.
> None of us ended up getting married.

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>>55133985
But why when you have the girls dropped in your lap with no effort on your part?

>>55134032
Yes, she is best, best girl and best diplomat.
Once you bring her out of her naive sheltered upbringing and introduce her to the taste of wine and beef.

>>55134230
>But why when you have the girls dropped in your lap with no effort on your part?
>be a prince, fighting to get my retard asshole siblings' filthy hands off the crown
>forced to choose from a literal skeleton that can barely speak from shyness, a milf from grimy 90s greman porn, walking calculator and a decently looking girl that I reckon has forest frills for brain
>despair
But since you sayin' that elf is fine, I'll prolly go for her

>>55102888
>first time playing MAID
>roll a cool heroine who is really good at kickboxing, but also an alcoholic and a weretiger
>another player rolls a sexy maid who fights with magic and is also a member of the yakuza
>third maid (male) is a crossdressing pure heroine, the best at keeping the others in line and doing chores - he is the head maid
>fourth would be a pure sexy maid who was a shrine maiden too and fights what goes bump in the night with magic
>master is a young adult woman NEET who is also a raging lesbian (because of course she is)
>right off the bat, the yakuza-maid tries seducing the head maid
>that backfires, so instead she attempts to seduce the kickboxer
>noway.fag
>she gets revenge by seducing the mistress and uses some cunning actions to fuck my maid over various times
>my maid is almost constantly on the brink of stress explosion
>head maid has enough of me being incompetent because of my dresses going missing, so she gives me a costume
>it's a karate-gi
>shrine maid(en) relieves some of my stress
>when the master and the yakuza-maid try to mess with me some more, whoop their asses with Bruce-Lee moves
>ship the unconscious maid to Timbuctu
>never hear from her again

>>55134320
Good.

>>55106152
>Not breeding more people that can worship the God-Emperor
You dirty heretic. Your cleric hopefully got shot by his inquisitor.

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>>55105072

>Vicious Mockery: Begone Thot

>>55102888
No way, fag.

>>55134320
The next maid the player made was a lot more cautious... but eventually the proverbial shit hit the fan and all the maids started to fight for the last bit of favor before the end of the game.

>>55134352
What the Hell is a "Thot", and why has it suddenly started appearing? Is it some newfangled term for whore that's been picking up steam on the normalfag internet? And why are you using that term here?

>>55134481
>suddenly
Nigga it from 2012. You just haven't noticed because you aren't a ghetto rat.
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thot

>>55133698
Those sooth the burning, but Yoghurt also is a bacterial culture, so you probably should't put it on vaginas.

>>55133985
>Dad has the love of your life (male) killed
>you spend the rest of your life trying for suicide by Great European Power

You can pretend that that's what's happening in-game, I'm sure.

>Playing a human "Wolf" monk, "fights like a beast" kind of deal, claws and everything
>Make a big deal out of not giving a shit about gender, and goes out of his way to never use gender terms
>GM tries to force all PCs into relationships
>Denies most of them
>Finally sends a "Bard" chick at me with 20 charisma
>"How about you show me how much wolf you are in bed?"
>Won't take no for an answer
>Finally think of something
>"Not with a human, you disgusting ape".
>Entire table looked at me funny
>GM dropped the relationship hook on my character
>To the surprise of exactly no one but the most retarded player at the table, the GM killed off all the romantic interests to show how evil his BBEG is, and to give us a good reason to go after him.
>As if we needed a dead waifu to do that
Fun game, but damn that initial shit was dumb.

Mostly happy the GM didn't call me on my bluff. I would have cringed so fucking hard if he had thrown a fucking wolf at me.

>>55134481
>What the Hell is a "Thot
Greek spelling of the Egyptian God of Writing. .

What exactly /r9k/ has against Thoth is beyond my understanding.

>>55134605
>being against niggertwitter terms is /r9k/

>>55128891
Fucking a dude in the ass after beating him at arm wrestling normally doesn't lead to children, no matter how healthy your sperm is.

>>55129890
i want to do the naked cuddles with that gremlin

>>55134481
word to refer to absolute bitches, I blame post-ironic jpegged memes for the word becoming commonplace

>>55134568
>>GM tries to force all PCs into relationships
Yeah, you can pinpoint exact moment when GM tries to pull Dragon Dogma on you

>>55102888
>Playing a black knight for laughs
>The DM helps me make some background for my character
>Some sessions later my character starts going back to his village with a lot of scars and things like that.
>His adoptive mother for some reason thinks that is hot and tries to seduce him every fucking chance she gets.
>He politely refuses her and gives her a 30 minute breakdown of his oaths, beliefs and why he is refusing.

This guy usually is a good DM, but holy shit he won't stop.

>>55102888
Played with a group who decided for a laugh to play a CoC game. No, not Call of Cthulhu. I asked if we should play it the way we played the actual game.

So I played an extremely chaste murderbeast and pumped my resistances to fuck and back. NWF was basically me all day. It was pretty fun.

>>55135134
I thought it was mostly dumb because of how hamfisted it was.

Like, I get it, you want us to have someone we care about, but don't force it so hard. It is something you can set up over a lot of levels no problem, but he did this in the span of like 3 sessions, and a grand total of 1 level up. Give us some time to give a shit, and it might have been different.

Besides, he could have done a lot of things that would make us equally invested in destroying this asshole, this one was far too obvious.

>>55135193
Storytime it fag

>>55135158
>His adoptive mother for some reason thinks that is hot and tries to seduce him every fucking chance she gets.
Not sure if magical realm or genuine attempt to show she was possessed by some entity or both

>>55135207
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytRnllsU2mI

>>55135211
Only a few sessions in total, sadly. DM had some convoluted d100 system based on the game that I've intentionally put out of my mind in an effort to never play that again, he said something about finding it on a forum.

Essentially we all came in as new arrivals from the human world, but instead of generic "sent to stop the corruption" bit we had no idea how we got there or who the others were. We had my squire, a thief girl, a homeless vagabond who was cast out because she's a man, baby, and an apprentice for a wizard.

The story essentially ran as us trying to find a way back home, getting pulled across the realm looking for clues on how to get a portal opened up, and my character growing increasingly tired of how all the now-mage's recovery magic was sexual and how the party "I clearly have the transformation fetish" character kept trying to make me try out their mutagens, so my whole playthrough was taking as little healing (thankfully potions existed that weren't made of bodily fluids, but they sucked) as possible and hunting down the "cursed" items my GM planted that were powered by sexual frustration/chastity, because apparently my GM decided that in that dimension not getting any drives you insane so those were the only way he could keep his mind in place.

>>55135336
Honestly, I probably would have used WHRPF 2e rules for it... with the erotic table instead of the usual warp-kills-you table when you flub your magic shit.

Man, you guys DMs' are a bunch of perverts

>>55135789
Don't believe every story that is posted on /tg/ m8

All of this degeneration is making me quite moist

>>55134284
The skeleton can be turned into a robot, vampire, a Frankenstein's monster kind of person, or regular human.

>>55131092

37 is the latest, isn't it?

>>55133613
>>55133674
Awesome decision to clear the encounter.

>>55136906
She's pretty needy though, and fucks up skellybro relations if you go through with it.

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>TFW ur bf is the literal personification of this thread
kill me

>>55138839
what?

>>55138870
She wants steamy unprotected sex and her bf refuses by calling her sodomite

>>55138839
Literally dozens of guys on this board worth being bent over by who all love to cuddle and play pretend and you stick with a vapid prude? Anon, I don't want to break up a relationship, but go get some dick. You deserve it.

>>55104022
Honestly awesome. I hope your GM described her wrinkled pussy in horrifying detail.

>>55138898
>she

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>>55133613
>>55133674
You took one for the team, anon. Your sacrifice shall go down in legend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE9ay7-5VLI

>>55133771
Should be viable except in champion weld and maybe warrens.
Heals aren't great and theres no guarding, but you've got stuns, front line and back line dps, bleeds, blights, and stress heals from the graverobber's crits.

>>55139232
Look, everyone deserves a little dick now and then, if they want it.

>>55126910
>Year 2017 of lord Kekelius and doesn't know Dungeon Meshi

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I've only ever had a hell yeah fag moment when my character ended up marrying a wood elf and being allowed through their culture to also have a concubine. He chose his childhood high elf friend who was thirsting for him the whole time.

To be fair, he did have a bad reputation as an elf lover, he just decided to make it come true.

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I made a high elf Warlock once for a halloween one-off, there was a young astronomer elf wizard that ended up having a crush on her, but she just told him she liked older men.

>>55103725
kek

>>55138940
thus, making everyone quit

>>55112552
shit taste
Claire, Jill, Ashley and Wesker's daughter are all hotter and cuter than her

>>55118062
>not even a hint of nose
10/10

>>55142196
Wesker has a daughter?

>>55133613
>>55133674
fucking kek

>>55142283
I meant Wesker's son's gf, Birkin's daughter.

>>55134481
1) A whore
2) Egyptian god

>>55134481
If I'm correct, Thot means "that ho over there"

>>55105839
would she cum during a wet willie
y/n

>>55145444

This one's not as funny because Ashley's lines aren't a run-on sentence

>>55145643
no but it's better for fapping

>>55142481

HERESY

>be classic proud europian Ventrue amidst fucking Japan
>be invited for dinner by some italiajin Nosferatu who wants an allians
>your cute ghoul waifu whom you raised into proud woman ever since you saved her from yakuza rapist happens to be main decorum for this evening
>also dead and properly waxed
>lose clash of wills via Competitive vs Seductive Beast Auras
>no way fag, no way
>be fugged in the ass by a ugly italian
I wonder what my GM wanted to achieve by that

>>55148990

Is your GM Italian?

>>55149700
He was russian.

>>55149837
We have some edgelors here who love doing this shit. There is an old untraslated story from 7th Sea where GM turned the game into torture porn and raped characters for her personal enjoyment.

>>55149837

He might want to fuck you for warmth then.

>>55149910
Do tell.

>>55149933
7th Sea is a game about swashbucklers and heroes. If heroes become evil they turn into NPC villains. What that DM did was he gave his sister playing with the same group DMPC who forced one PC noble who was cheating on his wife to kill all his lovers one by one. When other PC a young noblewoman tried to deal with this shit IC and use contacts with her officer brother and dad to intervene, DM arranged bandit ambush on her carriage. Rocks fall, noblewoman was raped. Party broke apart, psychopath DM and his sister were happy.

>>55150021

My God. The Family Double Troll with no limits on rape and murder. How terrifying.

>>55105611
incels are over there >>>/r9k/
we're /fit/-tier introverts at worst

>>55119007
Don't worry, I speak bitter virgin.

>Incels: involuntarily celibate
>Volcels: voluntarily celibate
There's this whole pseudo-ideology based around blaming everyone except yourself for not getting laid.

Actually happened twice in the same quest. The first time was when the guy who usually DMs us (who was playing at the time, since his gf had decided to give dm-ing a shot for that session) flat out declined the pretty much obvious Succubus bartender, locked his room up and jacked off in his room for six hours. Still don't know if he did it to spite the succubus or for shits and gigs, either would be in character.
While this was happening, one of our party members got kidnapped, so we followed pursuit and went rescue her. After a rather one-sided fight, we found a bunch of captured girls, who were under the effects of an aphrodisiac and pretty much threw themselves at ourselves, and i had a
>Bitch i'm a wizard i ain't having none of that.
moment where i used a discarded sample of the aphrodisiac and destruction magic to destroy all traces of poison on their bodies, which apparently worked for some reason ( i still had a heal poison spell so the result would have been the same either way).

>>55137946
The Skeleton is a religious fanatic, not a bro

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>>55133613
The greatest possible ending to this situation.

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>>55102888

Happened two times actually, I was playing D&D sort of :

>First time at a game convention : Party gets captured by amazons in a pretty assholish way (we fell in a trap and got poisoned).

>Amazons want to marry the men because of fucking course they want to do that they're amazon, pretty much all party but the chick and my character (a monk) is down with that.

>My character is actually pretty pissed that these pesky women defeated him in a fight that wasn't fair. Also he smells something fishy because they're amazons of motherfucking course there's always something fishy about them.

>He's the first to go through his wedding ceremony

>Shoryukens the "wife", and I crit on that one holy shit

>Holds the wife hostage (although I'm pretty sure I broke her spine up to this point) while the whole party improvises a plan to escape

Now for the second time :

>Tell my GM friend how I can't stand monster girls fags

>Pushes me through his Monster Girl magical realm in one of our D&D games just to troll me, I really need to change of friends sometimes

>Pulls a "My character is human master race and suddenly he's racist" because I'm certainly not going through his shit

>Deus Vult (actually not paladin but wizard)

>Burn stuff and ask question never

Why the fuck does Leon pine for Ada so hard anyway? He knew her for like a couple of hours max in Resi 2.

Or is it because feels he let her down when she "died" and now feels responsible for her being not entirely human?

>>55152587
>Why the fuck does Leon pine for Ada so hard anyway?
Why Snake is half-Japanese?

>>55133613
>>55133674
>fighter doesn't even last a minute
Now you know why they disavowed you.

>>55104544
She's the underage daughter of the president Leon's boss. You do the math

>>55104831
Did you fuck your furry player anon?

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>>55104831
>Amily
That wouldn't have happened if you had used Marble.

>>55137946
Who cares if the rubbish skeleton is mad? He's junk and his religion is boring.

>>55153378
why not both?

>>55102888
I was DM'ing a 5e game (my first and only attempt so far at DM'ing) and 4 of the PC's were ready to go explore a cave believed to be haunted. However, one PC (a level 2 gnome ranger) decided "fuck that, I'm going to fly over to this church to kill the squirrels and mate with the biggest female one."

After that, I didn't really feel like DM'ing because it's hard to run a tangent special snowflake story when the rest of the party was going to where my plot was going. Without hurting anyone's feelings of course.
(He got knocked out by the resident friar, and dragged in a sack back to the group, best I could come up with at the time when I was 7 beers deep)

>>55134038

Nice taste, anon.

>>55153235
That just means he shouldn't tell anyone that he did it.

I was dming a dark heresy campaign and the players had just saved the planet from daemons then a genestealer cult. After they had finished the campaign, the planetary governor wanted to give them gifts for saving the planet but mostly him. So he offered money gifts you name it. He also offered the company of many men an women to sex em up. well the play that was a guardsman, and a self styled commissar with the hat he got off a dead commissar, shot him the head for trying to make them fall to slaanesh.

>>55153502
Fuck that gnome guy.
That was absolutely the right call.
The alternative is the frank and honest coversation where you tell him that he's nobbing up the game you are running, and if he doesn't want to play it then he doesn't have to.
But I often think that if it's got to the point where people need to be told that, it's likely gone far enough that suggesting they find another game is valid.

>>55151586
>>55153395
>hating on the best skellington

>>55153895
HA!
well done, commissar!

>>55153926
it can be kind of IC for gnomes to be lolrandumb, but yeah that shouldn't keep them safe from punishment
he's lucky he didn't get cursed with a geas or something similar for the church.

>>55134497
it's interesting how the chan culture has become so old and decadent now, that those sites are actually useful for historical purposes, whereas just a decade ago, they were thought to be completely useless.

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>tfw know some HELL YEAH FAG is going on in my current game.
>every time we start a new session the dm's NPC tiefling and our party's fighter have a small exchange
>Obvious after-sesh erp going on
>Awkward but I support the gayness

In the meantime my cleric is married to Justice.
And Justice doesn't like that tiefling.
Sadly it's a lost cause to try and get rid of her cause the DM is invested in this.

>>55154870
is justice a pornstar name

>>55154994
Well she takes my money and I don't get much in return

In two of my current games I have a female and a male friend who keeps playing slutty characters, both in appearance and personality. I just keep playing characters that are not interested to the point where it's a running gag.

That is until she rolled a barbarian and I a wizard without misty step or dimension door and was grappled.

>>55145643
Text on OP is better, for sure, but I like the panties halfway down. Really underlines the "fuck me now" mentality.

>>55155077
death by snu-sun?

Archival? No way fag

>>55153995
>>55137946
Even then it's pretty easy to fix relations in game as long as you balance relations equally.

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>>55153378
>>55153501
Guys, pls.

>>55134629
Ah, it looks I'm not the only one who remember that moment from Fallout 2.

Though my Chosen One was actually female.