Ludus Part II: The Second Attempt

>>55032615
Sure anon!

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Okay, so let me start off by introducing the party members in group Beta. Though none alone are as insane as Stu was, combined they were an absolute menace.

The first one was Wallace, who is by far the least interesting of these characters, a human ranger, Wallace didn’t ever do anything particularly noteworthy (although the player behind him more than makes up for this in some later campaigns I may talk about on here). His only claim to fame was that he claims he slept with a dragon in his backstory, which compared to the rest of these madmen is small potatoes.

The second goes by the name of Anna Crimson, a name which I have memorized because she has been in every single campaign the player has ever participated in. She’s a tiefling cleric of Pelor who is out to kill her Asmodeus-worshipping family, and has fought everywhere from the Underdark to the steppes of Russia (a story for another time). She only does one thing noteworthy here, but it is crazy enough to warrant mention.

Ending the weaker three is Edward, a pirate captain who had no personality beyond being a pirate captain. However, he took that to a level I have not seen elsewhere (mostly due to his whopping +30 intimidate bonus).

Next up is Tom, and here’s where things get crazy. Tom was a rogue/ranger multiclass who made a living selling narcotics, and was so used to eating his own product that he developed a fighting style that lets him battle while coked out of his mind. His weapon of choice was a stupid bluff score and spiked chain, which became quite annoying after a while.

And the last member of this party’s name has been lost to history, but from here on out I will refer to him as Ted Cruz, because that was roughly how he was roleplaying his character. The issue is, Ted Cruz was a highly optimized melee fighter who dealt obscene amounts of damage and would take every opportunity possible to resolve a situation with the most violence possible. On top of this, he could fly. Whatever you are envisioning, it was messier.

So after the fiasco with the desert (and because I didn’t want to spend too much time having the party meet up with Anna, I decided that the members would wake up having already been taken inside the City of Bronze. It was there that a Summoner chick greeted them and tried to give a little bit of explanation. Clearly not interested, the party just walks out before she can say more than a couple sentences, at which point they hear gunfire.

The party was composed of classic fantasy adventurers, so of course this was the first time most of them had hear a gun. However, the horde of people running away with holes in them lets them know that something was up, so being kill-happy adventurers they rushed directly towards the loud noises screaming death, which happened to be a kasatha quad-wielding machine guns (yes, those have stats in a medieval fantasy RPG, and are part of the reason why Reign of Winter was such a kickass adventure path).

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One character in the party never received an official name, but basically was roleplayed like the love child of Jerry Falwell and the Kurgan from Highlander. On top of that, he could fly
The other two party members were a pirate captain who dressed like a stripper and a catfolk con artist/hitman who was so perpetually coked out of his mind that he could fight unimpaired with 6 ounces of the white stuff jammed in his kitty nose
The first thing the players did after being given the briefing was set up a hard lemonade stand in the middle of a refugee city (which was controlled by the mob). The first customer is an Ice Yai (high level monster with a lot of brute strength) who was affiliated with the mob.
Now, the first thing you need to know about the cocaine kitty is that he has a really, REALLY good bluff modifier. As the Ice Yai had a lot of money, cokie cat told him he had a whole barrel of the stuff beyond the three glasses he had put together with a hasty craft check. He then lured the Ice Yai into an alleyway where Ted Cruize Missile and Stripper Pirate snuck up and eviscerated him
After tearing his regenerating face off to keep as a companion, cokie cat looted the Yai's body and found his home address. Naturally, they decided to loot it

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On their way there, I started making jokes about random things they pass on their way there. A florist shop, a mount rental place, a porn store, and a bunch of other things
Guess which one set Ted Cruize Missile off?
Faster than I could describe the place, blood and sex toys were flying everywhere. The other two party members decided to take advantage of the situation and loot the area for every piece of equipment they could find (including a rowboat, for some reason)
One of the people inside was a former player character named Stu (who has a nightmarish track record of his own), whom TCM spent a disproportionate amount of time disemboweling
Eventually, people started watching from outside, leading to one of the strangest lines I've ever heard from cokie cat
"Bluff check to make them think the corpse is a really, really realistic sex doll"
He rolled a 20, and then proceeded to burn the place down and take the rowboat with him, crashing in the Yai's house
They knew the place was bugged with a dozen scrying sensors, but decided to stay there anyway, thinking they could take on any threat that showed up
To summarize a very nasty and confrontational encounter that ensued in 3 words, they were right
TCM then lapsed into a strange Samuel L. Jackson impression as he tore a guy to shreds, leading to the second line that sort of defined this session
"COMMON MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT?"
And the third
"DOES HE LOOK LIKE A LICH? DOES HE LOOK...LIKE A LICH!?”
He then proceeded to kill the guy he had captured in extremely graphic detail, and slept over only to discover that the house was now surrounded by the fantasy equivalent of about a dozen SWAT teams
The players hitched on to TCM only to get shot out of the sky, so they decided that the Princess Leia route was the only option and jumped into the sewers, paddling their porn-store rowboat to freedom
So yeah that's the story

>>55032761
Pretty awesome anon, it's great knowing at least a few of us here on /tg/ play games