What's the stupidest purpose of a war in your setting?

>>55003791
The heart of a woman

>>55003791
God of Love started one as a gift to the Goddess of War. She appreciated the thought, but told him not to do it again.

>>55003791
The Emperor of the not!HRE openly stating imperialism after the vassal in his kingdom tried to assinate the rulers of the northern kingdom.

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>>55003833
Eventually stealing that, that's a pretty cool idea

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>>55003791
>France bombs a Mexican port into oblivion because a French baker had some windows in his shop broken

It's one of those things you just can't fathom is actually real.

>>55003791
>Setting where modern Earth suddenly has magic one day.
WW3 started in 2042 when a Chinese garbage dump on the China-Russian boarder got piled up too high and collapsed, spilling a few tons of garbage onto the Russian side. China refused to clean it up so Russia went to war. It really was more of a WW1 like situation where everyone was looking for a reason to start a war, but rather than an assassination, it was a garbage spill.

The war eradicated half of humanity and erased everything between Africa and India, creating a new sea. It also kicked off mass colonization of local space, the moon and Mars as people escaped the horrors of war.

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>>55003791
The main villian wanted to get laid.

>>55004863
>main villian
Ugh

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>>55004863
>>55004872
I like where this thread is going.

>>55003791
Hypothetically, millions of catgirls fell from the sky.

Didn't actually happen but someone asked what would happen if millions of catgirls fell from the sky.

There was the 2nd war between the main human kingdoms Rigolli and Manastra over fishing rights for the inland sea. This wasn't as weird as the conclusion which is that nobody gets to fish the inland sea and any fishing boat from either nation gets sunk by the other.

There was the Elephant War between the Elven kingdom of Wytherwyn and the Orcish Sassaha confederacy. The elves had domesticated elephants and the Orcs wanted them but they couldn't come to terms about the purchase.

Manastra actually once started a war because they were broke. That's how the last Manastran dynasty ended btw.

>>55003798
Dude, sometimes you need material components to achieve something greater, totally worth it.

>>55003791
In one of my campaigns a war happened because someone pored water on a Computer and it 404'd resulting in a mass info failure causing a nuclear war.

>>55003833
Thanks anon, I'm ripping that shit off.

>>55003791
The main Antagonistic country took over a neighbor for access to farmland but needed to start a massive jingoist movement to get enough support. But they can't figure out how to stop the nationalist movement so they keep taking territory after territory to satiate the masses

>>55003791
Over a spilled pot of stew.

>>55007351
So, Rome?

>>55003798
fucking Trojans

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>>55003791
>main antagonist had a bitch fit with a high level pc.
>the pc then went to war with most of the known world

>>55003791
Rogue stole an apple. City guard saw him and started chasing so he started a riot to escape.

Panicked and spent the night creating flags from a neighboring kingdom, then started planting them in areas the riot had taken place so the Paladin wouldn't get mad at him.

City blames neighboring kingdom for inciting riots, Q war.

>>55008769
Didn't Sulla win?

>>55008856
yes, against most of the known world and rome twice

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Not a setting, but relevant

>His war didn't last soo long that both sides forgot they were fighting each other

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Hundred_and_Thirty_Five_Years'_War

The US and Britain almost coming to blows a third time due to a pig getting shot is pretty humorous.

Google the Pig War (although it's not really a war)

>>55009530
If we're talking potential US vs Britain wars, can't forget the time a US gold medalist in sodomy tried to start one.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carl_Panzram

>>55003791
I've never gone through with it, but I've often toyed with the idea that you have several polities routinely declaring fake wars on each other, because they'd rather have x 3rd level fighters than 5x 1st level guys. There is no purpose to the wars other than to grind each other for experience points.

>>55004382
The 19th century was a wacky time
>Help! Someone broke the windows of my pastry shop!
>BOMBARD THE PORT
>Hey, Great Britain could you maybe not peddle opium into our empire? It's rotting us from within and we really did nothing to incur--
>FUCK YOU ITS WAR I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOUR NAVY AND ANNEX SOME ISLANDS
>Hey South Carolina pay your damn tariffs
>Lol fuck you maybe I'll threaten to secede instead

>>55009452
The truth of this war ever existing is disputed. It is said to have been extended by the lack of a peace treaty for 335 years without a single shot being fired, which would make it one of the world's longest wars and a bloodless war. Despite the uncertain validity of the declaration of war, and thus uncertainty about whether or not a state of war ever actually existed in the first place, peace was finally declared in 1986, bringing an end to any hypothetical war that may have been legally considered to exist.
Ah, history, how I love thee.

>>55007351
>>55007420
Or maybe Nohr.

>>55009452
>>55010423
>Multiple Vampires get in a feud.
>Goes on for 300 years
>Realize the normies know and they need to get this sorted out
>Claim the war never happened so they don't risk the Masquerade violation

>>55010347
>Hey can you stop stealing my sailors?
>Okay.
>TOO LATE IT'S WAR!

>Guys, I won at New Orleans!
>The war's already over!
>Oh.

>>55003791
A tree grew on a hot zone. Hundreds of thousands of dudes and tons of materiel were deployed on both sides to cut it down.

>>55011317

I want to play this. I may run this as a situation in one of my campaigns.

>>55011317
So Operation Paul Bunyan? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Axe_murder_incident

>>55003791
Satan got bored and decided to purge the dragons to entertain himself. So they sealed him in the moon. 500 years later he broke out and decided to fuck over humanity for shits and giggles.

>>55003791
My pcs started a war because they murdered a bunch of civilians and knew if they went home they would be killed. So they stated invading a nearby Kingdom to start taking over the world.

>>55011232
I see you there, Hoshidan scum.

Go be weeaboos somewhere else.

A popular game company released a shitty SF hack of their fantasy game.
True, no nations were involved, but three gaming conventions and 45 game stores died in the 2 year Civil War of The Nerds

>>55003791
A crazy cleric went to a leper colony, convinced them they were the chosen of his god. Sent them to riot and revolt in a city. Riot spread across the western part of an empire after the lepers were summarily executed. Lead to civil war plotline 10 games early.

>>55003791
The dragons were bored.

>>55003791
Minor asshole noble gets murdered by a person he was assaulting in a foreign land near the border. Nobody minded except for his father who called allied families to arms against the other country.

>>55012559
I missread this as stalin
I like bored stalin trying to gulag dragons better to be honest

>>55014447
Dragon is hording currency
this is not soviet
we will teach dragon to be new soviet dragon
ten thousand years in gulag.
Best setting

>>55004041
Sounds interesting - how did it end?

>>55003791
Minor border disputes and provocations grew into a total war as an ancient lich pulled the strings of his agents in the kingdoms to start the bloodshed and gather the soul energy of the dead to power an ancient orbital defence platform and shoot the approaching Elder Evil Atropus because all teleportation and planar travel became blocked, and he just didn't want to die.

>>55007173
>poured water on a computer
>it 404'd

my autism has been triggered

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War

>>55003791
Forcing a democracy.

> implying all war isn't stupid

>>55019630

It's great if both sides have only mercenaries and no outsiders get bothered. Good luck finding one, though.

>>55022043
>killing, destroying and raping
>good

>>55022868
Only each other, and being mercenaries, they specifically signed up for it.

>>55022976
And what exactly would be "good" about that?

>>55010347
>fail college exam
>kill 30 million people and require a joint effort by China, France, and the UK to put down

>>55023061
And the Soviet union and the USA. Also most of south America. And the whole Commonwealth.

>>55023114
Soviet Union didn't exist when Hong decided the only answer for the test was to kill everybody, and America was technically two countries that were a tad busy.

>>55023166
I think he's getting it mixed up with the Boxer Rebellion; as well as confusing Imperial Russia with the USSR.

>>55023061
>fail college exam
>declare yourself jesus reincarnate

>>55014908
>your players are a group of soviet dissidents held in a gulag where the top dog isn't the overseer, but the dragon imprisoned during the first purge of 29
>can they survive or even escape from gulag?

>>55023004
The mercenaries are busy doing their stuff and don't bother anyone else.

>>55024001
But WHY is it "great" that some people are killing each other?

>>55024011
Well, they signed up for it, so presumably they're fine with both killing others and with being killed and should be quite happy about it.

>>55024001
>mercenaries are busy 'doing' their 'stuff'

That's what we call looting, raping and plundering local villagers nowadays, huh?

>>55003791
gif vs. jif

>>55010347
The opium war was actually a bit more complicated than that. It mostly boils down to the fact that the UK was completely out of gold and almost out of silver.

Because they spent it all buying Tea from China.

>>55024225
Hahaha, it's so funny because we all know it's gif. What a good joke, anon!

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>>55024225
>>55024534

>>55003791
Colonies seceding from the union due to a prohibition on human generic modification.

I wanted to have an excuse to have the modern "At the drop of a hat" in my game setting, soo...

At a state ball, a Baron and a rival Duke got into an argument, which quickly got heated, and the Duke knocked the Baron's hat from his head. The Baron, known to be a great duelist, challenged the Duke, as he had been slighted. The Duke openly cheated during the duel, resulting in the Baron's death. The Baron happened to be the nephew of a neighboring kingdom's Lord Marshal of the army, who spurred his King into declaring war on the Duke's province. This lead to one of the largest and bloodiest wars in the regions history, as multiple nations were pulled into it.

Thus, starting a war at the drop of a hat.

>>55014935
Horribly with defeat and humiliation as several of the armies were defeated in rapid succession after having won all the other offensives before the war turned against them.

>>55003791
Two Doges who enjoyed the talents of the same prostitute happened to catch Syphilis. One blamed the other, and their respective houses start going at it.

Eventually this escalates to a continental-scale war with every major kingdom/power involved in some capacity.

I have a city in my setting where the theres a civil war going on over what colour clothing should be worn to honour their god
The great green vs blue war

The king was sick of gossiping nobles saying his wife was manlier then him.

>>55025411
Was she?

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>>55024011
It pleases the Murdercube. Ave, Nex Alea.

>>55027363
not really, she was from a more 'warlike' part of the country, that had lots of hostile dwarves constantly raiding shit. So everyone has some level of self-defense skills and as she was a noble she was trained in the logistics off the army and was a decent cleric. But she wasn't super tough

>>55025164
Did the leaders all have Syphilis?