Storytime Thread

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I'll start with a relatively good one:
>D&D 5e, we're all level 4
>We're in an underground mansion, in the middle of a gala
>Walk past a guest room and notice that the party Bard is hiding from two guards in some closet
>Trying to give him an opening I walk in and shout "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
>"Oh uh, sir what are you--"
>"WHO IS IT THAT'S TRIP-TRAPPING IN MY LAIR?!"
>Long story short, barricade the door and start a brawl (I'm a Monk)
>Motherfucker these two guys are rougher than the rest, must be elite guards
>A maid knocks on the door to check on all the noise
>All she hears is loud thumping, moaning and my character going, "YEAH YOU LIKE IT HARD DON'T YOU BIG BOY?"
>Continue to be more homo-erotic than the Bard in the closet so no one outside would get suspicious
>It was very hard, I managed to finish one of the guys off, but the other one held out more than I could
>Wake up in the torture room 5 minutes later along with the Bard, both of us are shackled
>Captain of the guard is asking us questions and keeps walking in and out of the room while he's making us a nice, bubbly, boiling oil bath
>Both me and the Bard are trying to keep ourselves from panicking, our shit's been looted
>Except for one thing, the magic d1000 in the Bard's pocket
>He manages to whip it out, it shoots to the floor
>...Giant rust monster
>ofw
>It walks over to me and eats my shackles, but not before trying to eat me too
>Rush to the door, but I know there's guards behind it, so I try to entice the beast to come closer, and as soon as it does I bang loudly on the door and let the ensuing chaos take its hold
>Wrestle with the last guard next to the pool of boiling oil, push him in, barely survive the contest
>Grab the antenna of the slain rust monster and use it to break the Bard free, and at that time rest of the party arrives
>We all book it as apparently what the dice summon was a SWARM of rust monsters, but we manage to make it out alive