What are your group's inside jokes?

>>54854213
Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! Anon's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

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Off the top of my head, my Rogue Trader game has:

>referring to party members or players by another's name

>officially beginning every session with a fanfare of either https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrlrUjauzzE or https://youtu.be/CnGwyObIHuY

>a particular crewmember called Gaylord Kub

>>54854213
Venice. Just...just Venice. We don't talk about Venice. We don't go to Venice. What happened in Venice sadly did not stay in Venice, but that was totally out fault, and we totally deserved it. We're horrible people and we're going to Hell, and we deserve it.

That...that poor guy...

>>54854213
Mention of anything involving the province of Moth is always met by one player just straight going "nuuuoooo" and recoiling, and the other player saying "can we not?"

The Hoser Brothers Larry and Daryl, their cousin Darrel, and their bull Hoser.
Who are now the Necrogolem LarryDarylDarrel and the Type-012 Hunter Hoser, and travel around with the single unluckiest necromancer to ever live looking for beer.

The Warrior Summoner's pet DOOMGUY Fairy

The fuzzy ghostly murder noodle(stoat) who despises horses and is awfully murder-happy for something gifted to the WarSum by Mother Nature.

Top Horse's belief that it is, in fact, Toppest Horse, except around the Empress' Ilonna and the Ilonna in that one Incarnation summon.

The Bonnie, aka why shiny things have a habit of vanishing from the party's possession, no matter how well secured or hidden they are.

Thinking on it, that's an awful lot...
Then again, the campaign's been going for nearly three years now.

Eunuchs (named after the unsullied from ASOIAF) are absurdly numerous, well-trained and heavily armed NPCs that exist solely to wreck us if we act like dicks to important NPCs. Eunuchs are most often found in employ of Genvur Saads, yet for some reason they are never found saving the world or actually doing anything except for guard duty.

Genvur Saad is a questgiver NPC that's defined by being a complete cunt, who forces a quest upon us, with very little or no reward, often by blackmailing us or under a threat of violence.

>Curse: Handsexual

When a player does many dumb things in a short period of time, he gets a curse called "Handsexual", which states "If you roll a critical failure, that failure will result in a irreversible damage to you or someone you like".

Handsexual comes from "everything you touch, you fuck it up".

>If it is a hooker, it has a penis

We are all in Brazil after all

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>>54854258

>>54854817
>eunuchs are absurdly numerous, well-trained and heavily armed
That seems like a gross mischaracterization of eunuchs.

>>54854213
Anyone who is currently not playing at this session but is part of the group is probably Torchfacing, which is just holding a torch and making a goofy face staring at it. They usually don't do anything at all, and the enemies ignore them.

>"Plan A?"
>"Plan A."

plan A is to set everything on fire and use it as a distraction to escape, get the mcguffin or kill the bad guy.

it used to be plan B but it always worked where the original plan A would fail so we just upgraded it to plan A.

I usually have my party run into an NPC named bootstrap. He's always short and naive but helpful and loyal to the group but in the end they always get him killed

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>>54854258
Anon, that sounds like it'd be a nightmare to deal with in real life, but I can't help but fucking laugh at this from a distance.

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>>54854213
Every time the group encounters a woman/female, roll 1d10 to determine her attractiveness.

>>54855060
Uuuuuuuh, sexist much??

>>54855071
We use it to help determine dialogue options.

Sounds like you're a 3.

>>54855089
>3
Mighty generous of you, anon

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>>54854258
Why?

>>54854213
We like bartenders. The last one was a Dragonborn whose name we never remembered who always let us put our drinks on the tab of a local noble none of us liked. The DM said that after we left, the Dragonborn decided to travel the world because of us. Currently, we're taking a castaway ex-pirate bartender who seems pretty inept but likeable. He's basically going to be our ship's cook/party mascot.

There's also "root beer". It's not actually root beer, but after one offhand joke "root beer" is now one of the most highly illegal beverages in the not-Caribbean. What is "root beer"? No idea.

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>>54854213
Sometime in late college I was running a game for some friends on gametable and the party was rescuing a bunch of human villagers from evil nazi elves (it was a Lorwyn-inspired game) and they were trying to herd them out of the elf fortress while fending off the elves attacking from several sides. I had a lot of identical villager tokens and to try and as the group of them started fragmenting the players needed and wanted to keep track of who was who and I was desperately trying to keep accurate characterizations for most of them (this is a woman, that's a young boy, etc) so I gave them all names, very basic ones. In all the confusion and moving and clicking one of them got flipped horizontally, Joe.

When the players escaped Joe was one of the few survivors. One of the players asked why Joe was "backwards" and just on the spot I said "Because he's Backwards Joe. That's his name." They asked why he was called Backwards and then, this being a text-only game, I just started typing his lines of dialog in reverse. ".siht ekil ffuts yas dlouw eh ,oS"

From there he just became a running gag and would show up in every campaign somewhere. In my upcoming game he's actually the king of a small city state where everyone talks backwards.

>>54854258
Nice pasta mate. Or you're the original poster, which then you have the sympathy for having a shitty group, but also my annoyance for not finding another group. Rather play no game then play in shit

>>54854258
its when we play our favorite setting, we are all summoners in a world that hates us and all summoners. [all chars share the same world, just different times. so EVERY summoner for the past 1000 years has been the party] the two jokes are one: THAT CREATURE IS UNSTOPPIBLE. [reguardless of what it is]
and when its killed making out like we had killed a god.

this comes from when my friend made a yughio reference of the above and it stuck. the second joke is "WITH THIS MONSTER WE CAN NEVER DIE" and then die at most 2 sessions later when we do something retarded/ the grim darkyness catches up and we encounter something competent.

still our favourite setting, currently on our 50th to 55th characters in total. 11th times the charm ey?

there is another called, invincible rabbit. the first monster we can summon.

>>54854213
I don't know if it's an inside joke, but a running joke is that I recap previous sessions like the English DBZ narrator.

LAST TIME, OUR HEROES FACED OFF AGAINST ASSASSINS AT THE TEMPLE OF WATER. THE CRYSTAL WAS STOLEN AND THE SAGE SUFFERED A GRAVE WOUND, BUT ONE OF THE ASSASSINS WAS CAPTURED. WHAT WILL THEY DISCOVER?! FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON

DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS ZEEEEEEEEEEE

Compared to all these my group's seem pretty tame.

>you can always start a giant clusterfuck by shouting "WE'RE HAVIN A BRAWL!" in a crowded area

>yelling "ROUNDS FOR EVERYONE!" is met with the entire tavern jovially repeating it

>Rojelio-a Tiefling gypsy merchant/con-artist with a heavy accent, whatever the plot necessitates we have, and the catchphrase "this is not the first time this has happened"

>>54855148
>>54855126
>>54855043
>>54854907

>Actually believing it.
Come on, nobody bought it when the pasta was fresh, let alone now.

>>54854791
And I just remembered another.

How to summon Legion Ramses
>"Oh look, an autographed picture of The Empress/Andiel/the WarSum/any fairly popular and cute female character"
>Legion appears immediately
>"So, uhhh... Whaddaya guys want?"

>>54854213
5e Danny Devito was killed in an alley by our barbarian. For some reason he was insanely overpowered and was a good fight for the barb. Later in the game it's told that danny Devitos are a race of elite humanoids gifted with incredible fighting prowess but are usually just found shitting and snorting coke in city alleys. So now danny Devito is just casually mentioned as canon.

Our group has multidimensional family clans that inevitably appear in whatever game we're running.
The Swipperditch family representative is usually a slow spoken, unassuming, dumb-looking but surprisingly competent NPC who may or may not also have an impossibly hot wife. Very rarely responds with more than a nod or a "yyyep ..." but always manages to provide the small but necessary service the players needed but critically forgot to prepare for.
Then there is the Ruffles family. Usually represented by a short, energetic and impossibly incompetent fellow who is generally one of the players biggest allies. Usually there to cause trouble with his well intentioned but wildly naive "help". Examples include saddling the party with a few hundred prisoners after a battle when the orders him to give the survivors the "battlefield mercy". He mercifully fixed them all up and sheltered them in the camp. Another incarnation managed to keep the party's ship from being over run by boarders by expertly botching his attempt at a warning shot from the ship's gun and sinking an opposing ship in one horrible shot.
The Ruffles family however lives in eternal fear of Mama Ruffles, a terrifying old woman who may or may not be a god of some kind and may actually be the same character across all settings. She inevitably shows up to demand to know what the Ruffles character is doing out here mucking about with his friends when the groceries need bringing in and no one has done the laundry and ECT...
Has been known to appear in places such as the middle of sea battles, other dimensions and throne rooms. Otherwise a nice old lady who makes very nice pies.

>>54855274
You do know I said Nice pasta right? Also, If you think Teehee is too stupid, then you got another thing coming nigga Seriously, One group I was in had a "humorous" Micheal Jackson look alike that was kidnapping children and raping them till they were mind broken and willing slaves/meat shields. The GM thought he was hilarious, same with his friends, but I'm shaking my head at the stupidity of it all. This stupid fucker had MJ in all four games that I was in.

>>54855071
>>54855089
>>54855092
I'm joking, my group did a similar thing where a roll would determine levels of attractiveness but we played with a girl and she literally said what I said

>>54855252
It made me kek, I admit. Your group may find this video to your liking.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXpdE-OEchE

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Quinn

Our groups inside joke is Quinn, the character who was so awful at literally everything he ever attempted that he is the standard in which all mistakes and fuck ups by anyone is compared to.

Doesn't matter what it is, one of characters could botch a grenade throw and blow his own arm off, one could attempt to perform an amputation and saw off the wrong limb, someone could slaughter the enemy VIP that was desperately needed for vital information.

It doesnt matter what it is, as no matter what the team will always be able to shrug their shoulders and say: "Well, at least you aren't Quinn"

>>54854213

Our party have grown a fear of any npc whose insane enough to wield a spoon in battle.
One of our pc's in a game crit failed so much against the goblin he shared in a cell that he got cut up by lowly goblin with a spoon.

>>54854213
Carlos Gringos. Most of our games will eventually have a shady spagetti western mexican looking merchant with a bad jewish/turkish accent. He will always have a poncho and sombrero in any setting. He will also attempt to sell dubious goods or scam the party.

>>54854213
GIRUGAMESH!

>>54854213
The chair of sitting.

One of our players had played very... enthusiastic druidess focused on fire, using it with little to no care. Destroyed cities, lobotomized pirates, moral and material damage to everything we had had contact with.
Now that we're playing other party in the same world we are constantly meeting NPCs that mention "the fucking bonkers crazy druidess".

At my local GW there was this 15 year old kid who would not shut up about his Magnus and thousand sons. When he finally got around to painting Magnus, he put a lot of effort into painting a wing first and he ran around the store showing everyone the wing. Only the wing. One of my friends yelled out that Jackson killed a bird to get him to fuck off.

Now any time someone wants to show off a model they painted we say we killed a bird.

>>54854213
McQueen's Adventuring Rule #1: When in doubt, always go left first. Up is a sideways left. West is left on a map. In space, every direction is left.

The Spooky Ghost Dice

We were playing CoC, and one player was a proper detective while another was a conspiricy theorist that used a random collection of electronics cobbled togeather as a ghost detector. Whenever he would be on the trail and confronted by a choice of which path to take, he would roll the dice for each path to see which one had the most ghost energy so he could finally get a picture of a ghost (with his 1 in the Photography skill).

The detective followed the clues, sluthed out where the cult was and who the leader was. The conspiricy theorist just followed whatever dice roll was highest and did the exact same thing in half the time.

That dice, a yellow d10, is now used as a tie breaker for any disputes. Dont know which of the party the monster will attack as the odds are pretty even? Roll the dice. Need a outcome for a coin flip? Roll the dice

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"The [terrain type] came alive and took him!"

Zard, Hero of Another Story wanders in and explains something, somewhere.

Fourth Wall breaking by the GM (me)

References to movies and anime hidden in NPC names, place names, and magic items. Never overt, and never so obvious you would catch it right away.

>>54855670
McQueen's Adventuring Rule #2: If there are no adventures to be had, get the mayor to hire you to clear out the bandits attacking merchants on the road.

McQueen's Adventuring Rule #2b: He doesn't need to know you are, in fact, the bandits on the road. He just needs to see that the banditry has stopped.

>>54854213
The Bounty Hunters Buck and Cletus/Bruck and Clitus/Brack and Kreedus

"I made 20 (currency)!"
"You made zero (currency)!"
"What?"
>Steals their currency

Shouting ARRRRRRRRRRRRPEEEEEEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anytime someone somewhere fires an RPG

Smoking Aces on _____________
>Hiring multiple teams to do the same job at the same time. We've done it on Wheels, on a Plane, on a Train, and even on Ice

"Ah Karsten! Always straight to the point!" or "You remind me of someone I once knew, always straight to the point!"
>Whenever someone is impatient with a NPC being played by one of our DMs who always talks slowly and in silly voices no matter how serious the matter at hand is
>Karsten was my old character who was notorious for that, now it's a running joke whenever someone interrupts him... so he can take even longer to tell his story...

Always knocking on a door. Always. Even if you're being stealthy
>Shakes the Orcphan always knocked on doors before entering/busted them down
>Shakes turned into the Orcish minor deity of Freedom, Pleasure and Revenge
>Any Orc who worships him gains favor from knocking on doors
>D'jraxus the Orc Shaman could see Shakes through his gouged out eye, he always gives a thumbs up when a door is knocked
>Shakes' player always knocks when we play Cyberpunk. It lead to another PCs near death when they breached the door immediately after.

>>54854485
For us, that's Scotland. All of it. People tend to die in stupid ways there.
>fighting ancient bog monster
>party face falls into the bog and drowns

After some questionable choices, one of our PC's worked himself into such a corner he felt he needed a new character.

Rather than discuss this with the GM and work out a way to retire him and introduce the replacement tastefully (or even develop the character by acting out the impact the punishments had on his mindset/way of life), he simply walked into his tavern room and hung himself. As none of the other PC's were aware, we had to RP finding the body the following morning. including a note saying just: "thanks (another PC)"

Ever since then, the euphemism of "committing character development" has stuck.

>>54854213

Roll to cook eggs was one for us for a while.

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>Party encounters kobolds
>GM has a brainfart and can't remember what they're called
>Calls them 'koboloids'
>Game collapses into laughter for a solid 10 minutes

Koboloids has now become our official name for kobolds.

> VON AWESOMEBURG!!
Guy I was playing with through a local group who was way younger and way less experienced than the rest of group stated up an elf called Alar Von Awesomeburg, Von Awesomeburg would fuck up any diplomatic situation the party entered by being the edgy character that you stat when you're 15 and just getting into the hobby. Yelling VON AWESOMEBURG!! was short hand for nat 1 on a social check for a while after that.

> The new record for world's worst medic.
For about 6 games in a row we had medics who were awful at the whole "do no harm" thing, highlights include:
- Kicking a man in the head to wake him up (giving him a concussion).
- Chloroforming a guy so hard he almost died of an OD then dumping him off a moving carriage.
- Getting a six year old to do the surgery because the doc was hopped up on meth.
- Going full Jack Bower on a guy because the face was late to the session.

>There's a door there Professor.
The Professor was blind but had such good spacial awareness that he could locate regular doors and hidden doors, however he couldn't differentiate between the two. It was a running gag that he kept proudly finding all the non-hidden doors to the point where the rest of the party just started pointing out which doors they could see instead.

> They're not "Death Camps"...they're like Murder Holes or something.
We had to deliver a steady stream of skulls to an evil emperor to stop him destroying our country while we figured out how to fight him. At the same time I was put in charge of prison reform. My idea was still better than the barbarian's.

> Seems Legit
The answer to Sense Motive checks is always "Seems Legit" or "You think he's lying", regardless of what you roll.

> Rope Bridges
Two of the regular group have an OOC dread of rope bridges from the time in a previous campaign they almost caused a TPK. Since then every campaign has contained a rope bridge somewhere just to make them squirm.

We have a slav friend named Ivan who's into mtg and owns a edh Thraximundar deck that he boasts about. A lot. He speaks our language very well but some words come out very russian-like when he says them, much to our amusement. Despite his tall, slim frame he's got absolute retard strength, however. And many retard ideas, too, like abuse of 'beetches' as he often calls them in-game.

We put an Ivan Thraximundar in my latest game (he doesn't play with us right now), the owner of the tavern where the players always come back. He runs a very lucrative underground fighting ring and a big brothel next to the tavern.
One of my players is actively trying to become the champion of said ring.
Little he knows, he's not a lazy, weak innkeeper with a penchant for violence but a high-level barbarian/rogue AND the true champion of the ring. the players don't know it yet since he's drunk or fucking beetches all the time so his power levels don't come out.

Each and every interaction he has he calls people either 'comrade' or 'beetch'. There are no other options in his mind. Sometimes the players adopt his mannerism to scare people off.

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Everyone is secretly molesting either goats or sheeps and think people who molest the opposite animal is the absolute lowest being you can be.

A shopkeeper in the largest city in our setting who sells weak and/or useless magical items.

We stop by every time we're in the city, and if we have any extra gold we buy a couple items and challenge ourselves to find some use for them.

He also has a cat that we have had many unsuccessful attempts to steal. According to the shopkeeper, he experimented on the cat and turned it into his arcane focus, and when our ranger used Speak With Animals to talk to it it wouldn't stop repeating 'help me'.

loot the bodies on the floor
loot the bodies on the floor
loot the bodies on the floor
loot the bodies on the

>
>

FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

>>54854213
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5DqB0cv8uw

Is the Final Boss and the last words the party will hear basically my "Rocks fall people die"

Thumbs up dog
Salem
Aleksey's BM
the spooky door
Roy's car
Leg day

BONUS NON GAME RELATED IN JOKES
I wouldn't use that
Winnebago

>>54854907
Heh, that file-name.

>>54854485
>>54855869
In our group it's worse, as we've sworn off the entire continent of Africa due to a hilariously bad turn of events there. It also led to "mind control", always said with air quotes, and another player making characters who always react calmly to meeting death/satan/devils.

Other jokes include:
>One hit crit
>Joshing it
>Destroying a table before diplomacy
>Swearing in Draconic
>Everyone knowing someone, or having a false identity, named after an electrical pun

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Not really my inside joke, as I joined the group after they started doing this inside joke, but for whatever reason most barkeeps seem to be named "Jeb".
I assume they're all named after Jeb Bush.

>>54855475
My group has a similar thing going but it's called Downy Boy.

It all started we when rolled for stats and one player had a completely shit roll, it was a 7.
He then put it in int and we all called him Downy Boy because he not so smrt, innocent enough. But then the rolls.
He rolled like ass on anything but int rolls, which were all either nat 20s or 19s. It was all fun and games until the party had to jump a 5ft gap with a dc of 5.
Downy boy failed with his +6 to athletics by rolling a nat 1. He yelled the yell that would make even a mother of 4 retarded potatoes cover her ears.

Now whenever someone fails a simple task you can hear that screech and know that downy boy has struck again.

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>>54854213

>>54854213
>The Cruisers are the ones that look like Cruisers

It came from me explaining Twilight Imperium units to a new player. Most TI 3e plastics look like ships from other franchises. I meant to say "Cruisers are the ones that look like Battlestar Galactica." So now whenever someone describes something is "Xes are the ones that look like Xes."

Once my friend was playing a vegetarian elf, so my other friend, who was paying a barbarian with high int but low wis cooked her some fish in a gesture of good faith.

I don't know why, but at the time that shit was hilarious, so we bring up the vegetarian stick, from time to time, in different settings.

>>54855566
checked and keked

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>>54854485
Glogow, man. We fucked up Glogow. We weren't even trying, but man we picked a bad time to not try.

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The picture more or less speaks for itself I love my players, those guys are rad.

On top of my head
>power word: outchébé
>every barman or tavern owner is breton
>using stealth and stealth devices in social situations
>pirate space marine
>organ trafficking
>IoT cock rings and dildos

>>54859985
>Not Jeb Busch

>>54854423
Sounds about right for Rogue Trader. We've got:

>Characters constantly making reference to real world movies/games
>Usage of the phrase "Wait my brain is working!" whenever they come up with a plan
>"Someone is urging for a purging"
>Open each session with God Save The Queen

>>54854213
Elf things. During one campaign I was running, one player who wasn't really big into roleplay just went "I do elf things" while at a tavern. I decided to fuck with him and made him roll (Perform: Elf Things), and he got like a 3. Another player (playing a human) promptly went "I also do elf things" and scored about an 18 or a 19. It's just something that gets brought up now and then. We also determined that "elf things" basically consists of doing minstrel show-tier racist caricature, typically involving placing ones open hands over ones ears (long-eared elves are best elves).

>>54855060
My group does this too.

Really dumb one that stuck for some reason.
>NPC in the game called Orson
>All three of us often say the word 'awesome'
>Confusion soon became rampant over whether people were saying awesome or Orson
>It is now mandatory for everyone to react as though the opposite was said

>>54859423
Fuck off soma

>>54854213
>"That's a tasty little wolf"
>"I roll to jump"
>"What's the crit multiplier when wielding an owlbear"
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fWyzwo1xg0

and in the more serious campaign
>"We gave up the western campaign for this"

Constantly getting the names of NPCs wrong.

At first it started as we had genuinely misheard the GM, but it just rolled from there and now we never call an NPC by their real name. The unwritten rule is that whoever is GMing ignores our (intentional) slip, but I fear one day it is going to come back to haunt us when we refer to King Guglielmo as "Giggles the clown" to his face.

>>54854213
Stating something extremely obvious on low perception checks, such as describing the party members or "I slowly realize the cold, hard matter underneath my feet might, dare I say, be the floor".

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>>54855252
I do that exact thing for recaps with

>Dungeons and Dragonball Z!

Because everybody in the group has seen it at some point. I also try to include the dumb spoiler shit in episode previews by being like

>Will the party be able to overcome the power of the arcanoloth? Find out on the next episode of Dungeons and Dragonball Z: "The Arcanoloth Defeated!"

>>54854213
>You cannot hurt Eddie
Originated in a game of Cyberpunk 2020. One player decided to make his character almost totally invincible and immune to all harm. The GM hit him with machine guns, OG X-Com Chrysalids and anti-tank missiles and he still came out alive and yelling, "YOOOU CANNOT HURT EDD-IE!" It's become a running thing whenever someone tanks an unfeasible about of damage.

>I leap out the window! Wait, what floor are we on?
Originates from a game of 7th Sea wherein one of the party's many dashing swashbucklers meant to leap from the window of the inn, onto his horse and give chase to the escaping villains... Only to realise they were on the fourth floor and he had just failed his acrobatics roll, leading to him eating an assload of damage. It's now synonymous with anyone leaping headfirst into a situation they immediately regret

>EV-ER-GREEN!
Another 7th Sea game. When attempting to sneak close to the enemy camp to eavesdrop, the party's stealth character rolled a grand total of 3. When the guards rolled snake eyes to spot him however, it was decided that he had simply stuck his arms out and declared, "EVERGREEN!" and the guards had totally bought that he was a tree - an evergreen tree! After all, he had just told them as much! It's now used whenever someone fucks their roll up, but the person they're rolling against botches even harder.

>>54860974

That's awesome

>>54861023
soma?

>>54854213
"Two quick ones"
"Getting there on the perfect line"
"I gotta get in there!"
"Don't sell retarded kids anon!"

>>54854213
>Screw you Dave!
Named after a Guard named Dave who kept appearing in the campaign. The GM used random name generators for less important NPCs, and the name Dave kept coming up frequently, with every town's Dave constantly screwing over the party due to lucky rolls.

Our half-orc barbarian was able to disguise himself as various figures, such as a sheriff and a giant killing little girl, both of which are believed to be actual different people.

Hari is a bandit that has appeared in all four campaigns in the same world as a fairly low level enemy for the party to encounter. Because of the party's mercy, he's survived each time, just with less of him actually present. He keeps trying to escape the country to practice his crimes elsewhere, but the upstart heroes of that country keep finding him. He's lost a leg (to a party druid swallowing it as a giant frog), an eye (stabbed with a magic blood-hungry knife), and most of his pride.

Everything is "dire" including adventurers are actually just "dire" people.

>>54861555
Wait, are you the same guy as the "I gotta take a Mythic piss" one?

>>54854213
"Quick, you gotta suck the poison out!"
>even funnier given the context that the idiot put poison caltrops in his pocket.

"...I suppose "Dragon Dildo" is a technically correct answer to the riddle."

"Elf Ball"

>>54861687
I don't think so? One other person from our group posts on tg and he said it doesn't mean anything to him either (we also both think that the "dire" thing is dumb and a shitty way to excuse mirderhobo antics)

>>54854213
my life.

>>54854213
The bartender is always club-footed and constantly trips when he's not behind the bar to steady himself.

Everything in the GM's soundtrack, from carnival music to WW2 movie music, is always referred to as "Skyrim Music".

>>54854485
That's Perm Russia for my group.
I saw the first murder coming from a mile away, but then there were the others, starting a football riot, insurance fraud, more murders, and public indecency to top it all off.

Whenever a player, typically one of them got a really bad roll I usually joked "You have a weird feeling inside, like a kind of...cancer"
It got more insane over time to the point where I was one bad roll away from doing a joke fight against the cancer cells.

>>54854213

I got some :

>Got a langage tic : often says "For Once".
>Plays a not!scottish bard with heavy accent.
>Role playing this bard made the tic cames in everysentence
>Now GMing, try to fight the tic, but when it goes out, everyone use the accent of the bard.


>Played a kobold hunter
>Group were on the run
>Each NPC helping us asked "what happened ?"
>Told them the first times.
>Then, when we needed to run away fast, one asks the question.
>My kobold had his moustache on fire and the werewolf was cutting orcs left and right
>"It's a long story !"
>Now, each question asked is first answered by "It's a long story".

>>54854213
Our latest one is "THE HOOK THIRSTS"

Descent:Sea of Blood expnsion. Guy playing One Fist. For anyone unfamiler, a Hero Quest style boardgame that evolved with expansions into a band of Adventurers roaming the world preping to stop the plot of the BBEG. One fist can only equip one hand's worth of weapons because his other hand is a hook. He gets free attacks with said hook. The BBEG played a card that makes one Hero attack another hero and had One Fist HOOK a party member.

in char no one ever thought it might have been evil magiks. Just shruged and said THE HOOK THIRSTS.

The meme has taken a life of it's own now. The only time he failed to kill something with that hook was when he flat out missed, or the one time he hit a skeleton cuz no blood

SUPER HELL became a thing after I ran a Japanese mythology themed campaign where I was trying to have an NPC (a tanuki conman with a bad Brooklyn accent because he had become obsessed with Western culture) explain to a bunch of gaijin PCs the concept of jigoku versus other afterlives.

I had him refer to the deepest hells as SUPER HELL, and that name stuck.

>Super Hell. You know it, you hate it, you know, the big house, the other place, SUPER HELL!

>>54854213
We have a recurring NPC named Ecruch that's a reanimated knight with an axe and an enchanted band around his neck that lets him phase through thin walls and teleport short distances. Our GM has him show up randomly within a dungeon, letting out guttural screams and chasing us until we kill him, to the point that he'll crawl out of the dungeon and keep after us. He's got a fuckton of health and hurts like a bitch, but he gets -3 to hit every time to balance it out. He's almost always the subject of a side adventure in our sessions, and the entire table shits themselves every time he shows up since he TPK'd us twice in a row once.

>>54855148
Thats kind of a pun.

"You fight it." This is accompanied with flipping to a random page in the nearest book of monsters and then doing the reveal as you say it.

"It's against the law"
If dice lands on floor.

In my d&d group every 1 rolled for attack is "you accidentally shove your weapon in your ass", we say it instead of "critical failure" and usually giggle a little.
One time I rolled two 1's and jokingly said "shall I roll for rake?" which ensued some laughs.

>>54854213
The Bear now has Armour.
We were playing ASOIAF rpg, and were on a hunt during a huge tourney we put on, including Robert Baratheon (We were about 3 years before the death of Jon Arryn). A Warg was trying to kill us, and sent a number of mercenaries he had bullied into helping him and some bears he was leading in his bear cohort. We would not stop mkaing song references as we killed the mercenaries (it is a weakness of our group). We were warned, and then I shot the leader of the mercs in the heart. The GM said "He looks up towards you and points at you before collapsing an arrow in his chest. " My mate foolishly said "Shot through the heart, and you're to blame" as the Gm described the bears coming out of the forest. We burst out laughing, to which the GM said "The Bears now have Armour." It now is the standard line to get our group to calm down and focus.

This lead to the next one "Bobby B from downtown with the Boar Spear". This is a term for when an NPC does something amazing, normally saving the party, and it wasn't meant to happen. Not GMPC's saving the party, just someone nearby doing something amazing. As I said, we were being attacked by bears. The Warg, in Bear form was commanding the bears from the back. He was not dieing because I was failing to hurt him with my crossbow. One of our knight characters, a hedge knight with an alcohol problem, had been drinking with Robert Baratheon. He turned to Robert and said "Hey Bobby, I bet you can't nail that one at the back with this spear!" "Bobby" promptly took the boar spear, and rolled 4 6's and a few 5's, Throwing the spear around 30 metres, one shotting the bear even with its full plate mail from the aforementioned incident. It was, as the GM put it, a Slam dunk. Therefore, "Bobby B from downtown, with the boar spear"

Our jokes are
>the monk falling from lethal heights
>the wizard (me) turning bunnies purple
>the wizard's familiar raven behaving like he's a dragon
>fucking invincible hobgoblin archers

>>54854213
>What does the ring do?

>>54854213
We have a very powerful tiefling ranger called Anakis. When it comes to her turn at least once per session when she is about to announce what she will do we say "Don't try it." referencing Anakin vs. Obi Wan. This originated when she faced off in a battle royale against my wizard and tried to fly over me on a broom and I sniped her with scorching ray.

>>54854213
There's a few.
>Saying "your sword/axe/fists/sneaking jams" when rolling results that would jam firearms.
>Referring to The Holy Inquisition as "The Wardrobe People", both IC and OOC
>Building some kind of backpack to solve a problem.
>Not going to Samech.
>Elias the Librarian, the wimpiest daemon of Tzeentch
>Using "right turn" as a euphemism for something really difficult.

>>54855869 >>54859954 >>54860415 >>54861915

See, you guys are all saying that, but I'm willing to bet that at no point were your guys' characters standing in a hospital looking at a comatose patient, followed by one of you saying "...wait, the brain runs on electricity, right?"

Things, which had already been getting progressively worse, took a turn for the downright abusive around there.

Pig seeds and peaches.

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My familiar is voiced by Rogal Dorn when wearing a crown that grants at-will speak with animals.

>>54854213
In any sort of negotiation situation waving your hand near the side of your neck means "back off." Waving the hand over your head means "shoot them"

>>54854213
Every card sucks
Everything with four legs is a horse

The phrase "Push it to the limit" will either envoke excited yells of encouragement or squeaks of fear and even the occasional deep sigh of acceptance that things are about to get fucked.

My campaign is Chaos Magic oriented and as a Bard whenever I ( or anyone else) want to cast a spell we have to roll go see if it goes off. 1 and 2 are critical fails and 3 fails DC11 means Chaos Magic strikes. When you fail you roll 3d10 and they dictate which effect is caused based off a custom made d1000 chaos magic table made by my DM.

So far in trying to cast spells I've:
>Summoned Pixies
>Hung a dead body
>Turned invisible for the duration of my spell
>Turned a pirate into a pile of dust when casting suggestion
>Forced a magical tango between a pirate captain when I tried to suggest again
>Convinced myself I could teleport at will
>Nearly disintegrated myself (only survived by a DC18 DEX Save I made)
>Puked up 300 gold coins
>Turned the coins into diamonds that erupted into sunlight
>Made it so I can only cast when wearing a hat
>Turned my teeth into sentient creatures
>Given myself amnesia therefore forgetting the danger of pushing magic and then having an IC reason to continue pushing it.

And that's only the things my spells have caused, don't even get me started on the Wizard.

>>54854213
We greet each other and say goodbye with nazi sayings and the like and yell DEUTSCHLAND when we charge in games or do other manly shit.

>>54854213
> "I loot the room" "roll a str check"
> every innkeeper is an arguing set of italian brothers
> when someone farts at the table it's referred to as "the sound" and can be heard by everyone throughout the setting like a disturbance in the force
> anytime a PC attempts to seduce an NPC, they always roll for length and girth (usually a 1d12 and 1d6 respectively)
> "Child Abuse: The Musical"
> "Jaaackkkiieieeeeee! Magic MUST defeat magic!"

its a rough life rolling with normies so often

>>54863509
>elvish is just spanish but said slowly and dramatically
>female elves are always referred to as asa akira

are a couple more

>>54863509
>every innkeeper is an arguing set of italian brothers
this strikes me as something that could be hysterically funny, especially if you attempted to logically explain it in game (though that might kill it, too, e.g. klingon foreheads).

Way back in the day we had a running gag that whenever someone critically failed a banal ability check it was declared that the PC just got cancer.

Other than that it's mostly just stereotypes:
>All Dwarves are Cockney geezers
>The Goblin language is literally just French and all Goblins speak with a thick, terrible French accent.

Others I can't remember.

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My character had a spell to make him really big to fight a dragon person. I forgot what I did but it ended up revealing the location of my character who is like at this point over ten foot tall and the GM asked "Quick what does your character say?"

"WHAT UP ASS DRAGON?!"

That shit killed the table in laughter for some reason and it stuck and I don't know why. We referred to the dragon as ass dragon a bunch until we eventually merked him.

A moron named Lifeboat.

Any large vehicle/ship(spaceship, sailing ship, ect) will be called The Storming Whore, even if we have to rename it.

I cant think of anything else I havent palyed in a while.

>>54854485
Let me guess.
Horror on the Orient Express?

"I put my hand on your shoulder and give you a knowing nod."

>>54863303
>>54859954 here

No, ours wasn't exactly abusive, but it was a ridiculous clusterfuck. We were playing the DC Mutants and Masterminds thing and, since it was one of our first campaigns, we were playing established heroes in another universe so the GM could change things. We went to Gorilla City, somewhere in Africa, and had to find Gorilla Grodd and the Ultra-Humanite, who both had Mind Control powers. Every time someone got mind controlled, we'd crit on the attack and, thusly, the guy playing Deadshot killed half the players and our only ally. We went to hell to get a second chance at life, after five minutes of laughter, and one of the players just told them to fuck off. So he died for good, then Deadshot died when no one wanted to pay him anymore. Thus, we always swear off going to Africa and/or fighting anything that can control minds.

>>54854213
Pancakes the Animated Rope, Daemon Primarch of Khorne.

How is our party so pathetic that a rope nearly killed us all?

>>54864165
Now take half of 71 lightning damage

>>54864185
Code blue

From Curse of Strahd after the party learned from Savid the Dusk elf that all the females of his race had been wiped out by Strahd.. For the rest of the campaign, whenever they met a dusk elf, one of my players would say (OutOfCharacter)

>He hasn't gotten it in in 400 years.

It's crossed into other campaigns we've done, when they meet elven NPCs.

>>54854213
I change my eyes to green.

>>54864199
>>54864185
>>54864165

"Does the barrel have a P on it?"

>>54854213
Years ago one of my friends was DMing a 4e campaign. We were all relatively new to the system and so he'd been running a module. We came up a nest of chaos wyverns which initially he'd told us there were only two.
We cut into one of the first two and while calculating damage he said something along the lines of "Oh there's actually four." This happened again and the final number was seven. Now we joke that chaos wyverns bleed more chaos wyverns infinitely and you should never battle them ever.

>>54864247
It's backwards, though

So I got this guy in my group. Always wants to get all the gold, so much in fact he wont share with the party if he finds it first. Well he pretty much one shot an orc and immediately wanted to loot the body as a bonus action or use his 2nd attack, in the middle of battle with 2 ogre's and 6 more orcs. SO ever since then everyone jokes on him when he kills something.

>>54854213
My bard has gotten hit by every single arrow shot at him over the entire campaign. His new fear of arrows is a hit with the group.

"Running start for +4!"

"I put my hand on your shoulder and give you a knowing nod." DMing a first character who was absent. I didn't want to actually play his character. So I just did that throughout the entire session.

"Take half of 71" A callback to the time the entire party succeeded a saving throw and still took an assload of damage.

"Code blue" Exploding glyphs, that is all.

"You find a blue card box with an all seeing eye" The deck of many things in every setting for our group.

"It was in self-defense!" Whenever someone does something stupid or is about to do something stupid.


Tavern kill count, we had a very fire happy red dragonborn who either on purpose or by accident would burn down a tavern

Does the barrel have a "P" on it? Character's name started with a P, and he carried around a barrel of 30,000 gold.

That's all I got off the top of my head.

>>54854213
The Doc's got this. usually in response to particularly grievous wounds picked up in the Iron Kingdoms. I play the mechanic/beater of the merc team and so far, have picked up two mechanical arms I built myself ahead of time because I knew it'd happen.

>>54864247
>>54864390
You two are in the same group...

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>>54854213
>"You see a rock."
or
>"Are there any strange rocks nearby?"

This one is super dumb. Years and years ago, I ran a game wherein a large rock was a landmark -- "Travel north for an hour, then turn east at the rock. You'll know it when you see it." So, they got there, and I described a 30ish foot tall rock jutting up out of the ground that didn't match the surrounding geography. The players got curious about it and poked around until I got frustrated and told them that it was just a fucking rock and there was nothing special about it, and to get on with the fucking quest.

The other one is
>"I tackle him."
Because no game we've played has had satisfactory rules for tackling a motherfucker. It's always tripping, grappling, pinning, etc. but nothing for the specifics of a tackle. My players pull that out when they want to frustrate me.

>>54864485

Yeah faggot, what about it?

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The first session, or rather, first encounter I ran for my current group ended with a spectacularly bad TPK against a pack of wolves. A combination of a tough encounter, sub-par to put it nicely tactics and a high rolling streak on my part ended up traumatising my players to the point where if they face any kind of difficulty at all, they all start wondering when the wolves are coming in.

>>54860046
You can't critically fail skill checks...

>>54864390

There's also "you fucked the dragon loli"

With my regular D&D group, all our campaigns take place in the same setting, though in different locations and time periods.

In our very first campaign, our bard cut the arm off of a zombie and decided to keep it. Later in that session, fighting a banshee, we learned that zombie had been the banshee's own zombiefied corpse, and the bard then decided to bitch slap her with it. The banshee's turn was right after the bard's, but rolled a critical failure on her attack roll against the bard as he used the arm to give her the finger.

The bard had the arm embalmed and kept it for the rest of the campaign. Many more fun times were had with it, but it wouldn't be the last we saw of it.

The arm ended up going down as a legendary artifact in the setting, and it's made an appearance in all campaigns taking place chronologically after that one.

>>54859423
Hi Luc

>>54854213
>"No I will not play Betrayal, because Anon is always the fucking traitor!"
Somebody was a little salty when all three of the games he and I played in, I wound up becoming the traitor and killing him first. Except when I wound up werewolf. But he got riled by that because he had the gun, and was like two squares away from the Silver bullets, but I had the Dog, and it swiped the bullets and ran.

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>>54854213
"I've never been in a tank before, can I come in?"

We're running Only War and after a journey in a beat up leman russ we investigate a fire station that surprisingly isn't run by heretics but mexican gangsters called "Los Muertos" whom upon seeing our flamers and tank attempt to mug us.

We have like 6 guys, 1 in the tank guarding it and 5 in the fire station with a boy npc who someone found in a dumpster one time. Me and player 2 get pissed off and try to incinerate the goofy fucks whilst the other 3 try and fight their way out.

In the tank, my friend who I'll call "Retard" can hear screaming in spanish and a lot of gunshots. A man walks out of the station right up to the tank, knocks on it and says "Here, I've never been in a tank before, can I come in?"

Despite all the gunshots, all the screams, all the explosions... he fucking lets him in under the condition that he gives him his weapon.

Senor fuckface agrees but tells Retard he needs to come in first, to which Retard agrees to and gets held hostage as he and his buddies commandeer our tank.

tldr; Only war, team mate lets random shit into the tank because he said he's never been in one before.

>>54855869
Would you say he went face first into it?

>>54864390

What about the one with the room full of candles?

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>>54864562
Reminder

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>HANDLE IT

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Our bard almost fucked an adult black dragon after rolling a 32 in persuasion

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In the first game I ever played an npc named Bartleby got turned into an ilithid-like creature due to party ineptitude/callousness and I dubbed him "Calamartleby", after that he became a reoccurring character

>GM: Roll to "make friends"

>>54854213
We have a friend that plays with us that constantly has horrible luck when it comes to his rolls.
Once he rolled four Nat 1s in a row.
We felt so bad for him that we made him DM a few sessions so he could lie about his rolls.

The warforged has a voice emote that he can spam and it sounds like an extremely deep wario wah, so whenever we talk about him IC or OOC it's usually followed with a chorus of WAHS

>>54854213
One inside joke is how incredibly bad we are out at sea.
During one campaign we sunk 7 friendly ships and all but one of us learned how to swim.
Oh and we used our halfling rogue as cannon ammo at some point too so he gained the nickname "Cannon Hobbit"

>>54865221
I was the one who couldn't swim

>>54854258
>>54855274
having a pasta about macaroni is pleasantly meta though

>>54865221
>>54865234
tl;dr everyone developed boat related ptsd

>>54854213
"Raise your hand if anything is uncomfortable"

*Everyone raises hands*

We captured a goblin with an eyepatch, after my bard insulted his leopard print eyepatch so hard he started to cry. Then I multi-classed into a bard/monk with a focus on grapples and WWE wrestling attacks, so during a barfight mid-game, I picked up Kaurl the Goblin to use as a projectile, launching him like a javelin. He was the best man at my Half-Orc Bard/Monk's wedding.

I miss you Kaurl.

>>54859985
"Please drink."

>>54854213
RUN, SIX! GET AWAY FROM THE SALAD

>>54855811
>ARRRRRRRRRRRRPEEEEEEEEEEEEEGEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k71HjGrXbOs

>>54854907

Jagvetdenkänslan.jpg

>>54864712
I'd call it "Russian judges".

>>54864903
Sounds funny, anon, but what's that picture of a normal guy got to do with it?

>>54854213
Giant ants, never again.

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Too many to list, but I'll instead use this post to just say that every single one of them warms my heart every time they're brought up, as they're jokes brought on by a really strong group of friends that genuinely enjoy playing.

Every single utterance of 'squawk god', 'Minerva is the canon slut', the corgi talking like Rogal Dorn from TTS, or 'Henryk-ing' is a reminder of awesome times, and we keep getting more of them. I love that we act like memeing little fandom shits for our own games.

I hope the rest of /tg/ has equally meaningful dumb jokes with no punchline.

>Fucking dicebotto
My group first met in IRC and the dice roller script we used was notorious giving us shit rolls. Now whenever someone rolls bad, it's always dicebotto's fault.

>Kaguya did nothing wrong/Kaguya did everything wrong
Our charopper basically waifu'd his character from the first game, and stayed salty as fuck about what happened to her for like 4-5 games after. As a result, referencing the game she was in at all is usually met with that response.

From outside the TTRPGS, there are things like "Real depression hours, smash that MF kill urself button if ur up." and "RIP Gaemu"

>>54855060
I do that! But it's 1d20 in order to see how "fuckable" she is. Started as a joke, but now all players' characters need to be courting a "Nat-20-honey".

>Paul.
Every single bartender in my games are always named Paul.
>"She's a witch, right?.."
The first major boss fight my party ever had involved a woman that transformed into a massive monster, known by locals as "the Ripper". Ever since then at least half of the party is suspicious of every woman I spend more that you 10 seconds describing.
>"not the whip.."
My party's eldritch knight started with a whip and a trident. In almost every big fight his whip was lost or destroyed. He's now got one he's had for a few sessions now, but he'll loose it at some point.
>Gil, roll for (not) suicide
The second npc they had join their war band was a former thug in a gang. The only reason he joined them was as they interrogated him they kind of branded his forehead with their symbol. The guy was a glorified slave, but a hell of a smuggler. But at every turn he had to roll a will check to see if he could keep going. (He's good now)

>>54854973
I have a similar running joke in my group, where players who are not present are either tposing and making unsettling buzzing noises or in a gutter nearby covered in mud and pigs

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>>54854258
>Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

>>54855060
>get a pink die
>rig it so it always lands on one
>entire game has nothing but butt ugly women

I can see it now.

>>54854213
Our most effective character builder is a rogue, and it's 4th edition, where rogues are very effective at putting out damage, and are better at hitting targets than any other class (Bonus untyped to hit AND frequently targeting NAD with weapon attacks.) There was an instance where the party was fighting large numbers of weaker opponents, and he TECHNICALLY would have hit on a 1, but a 1 auto-misses, to which he said "damnit."

Someone said "I would have hit if not for the 1's always miss rule #RogueProblems. This has become a running gag whenever he fails at something despite being the most optimized OR in various other role-play situations thar are rogue specific

#RogueProblems.

>>54855060
Older group ha a tradition to roll for dick size when it became relevant.

The joy when rolling 19/20 when your strongman spaniard just have picked up (ffiguratively andlitterally) two tavern wenches.

>>54854213
>MLP
One of the guy's is a Brony so I open every roll20 session with a new Pony meme that's vaguely related to the campaign.
>Elsa from Frozen
In my first ever campaign I made an off-hand joke about one of the northern kingdoms being ruled by a blond ice witch called 'Erika'. Then the pc's actually went there, so I wrote that as canon. Then, for a joke, I wrote a character in my next campaign who was also kind-of a rip off of Elsa. Now it's a running thing that all campaigns I run will have one character in them that's a reference to Elsa in some way.
>Richard [not his real name] playing psykers
Every time we played a 40k rpg, the player 'Richard' played a psyker, and almost immediately went psycho heretic crazy, so we've banned him from playing psykers.

>>54867780
Your group sounds like a bunch of faggot weebs, smash that MF kill urself button

>>54854258
This pasta is stale already.

>>54864227
Syll?

>>54855126

Fucking Generico.

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>>54854213
Recurring NPCs. Some I have show up pretty regularly, some as infrequent cameos. I try to avoid Pokemon-style "Officer Jenny" and "Nurse Joy" shit though.

2 favourites

Habib, the travelling merchant
>just so happens to be in the same towns and cities as the players half the time
>he's a very poor merchant with a thick arab accent
>he's so poor he's had to make his turban out of old underpants
>one player asked what his underpants were made out of
>they're made out of an old turban he found
>half his inventory is different kinds of rope, normal things made out of rope or rope-related items

Jenkins
>when they first met him he spent a good year of a campaign being a useless piece of shit recruit in the local guard, brought along for some reason or whatever
>he had the voice-cracking teenager voice like the Krusty Burger employee kid in the Simpsons
>was terrified of everything
>EVERY-FUCKING-THING
>ended up saving the party in some fight with the BBEG
>players lose touch with him for a while
>a few years later in a different campaign they're asked to report to Officer Jenkins for their orders
>the guy has grown up, grown a pair, has a scar down his face and is the biggest, most badass all-man manly man there is
>players' faces when

>>54868041
See my old GM was clearly less mature than you guys cause anyone who missed a session in his game had the galloping shits, and was thus rendered useless, but also too unpleasant for monsters to want to attack.

>>54854213
Dwarven Chocolate Icecream Vendor.

Protip: in our group we switch GM and share it out every six months or so.

I was GMing and the players wanted to know which shops were in a town square. I said six but only mentioned Apothecary, Blacksmith, clothing, General Goods, and small mage shop.
Players clued on and asked what the sixth shop was and off hand said it was an Ice cream shop. Well of fucking course they wander into shop and start asking for ice cream, so I made the vendor I dwarf obsessed with Chocolate (sort of Uter from the Simpsons) who only sold chocolate icecream (including strawberry chocolate, banana chocolate, double chocolate, and non-chocolate chocolate) as a way to stonewall them and get them back on track. They proceeded to get into an argument with the dwarf, for I kid you not, a good hour and a half insisting they get ice cream that didn't contain chocolate, laughing their asses off the whole time. I ended it by having a fight outside, as they weren't going to leave otherwise. It was a rookie GM mistake I made creating a character with no point other to stonewall that the players loved. I thought that was the end of it.

Nope, in every adventure since when others are GMing that fucking Dwarf is back, and the other players insist on arguing with him (never with violence just heated arguing) over whether they can get ice cream that doesn't contain chocolate. I don't, and didn't at the time, think the character was hilarious, but I gotta admit I do laugh whenever the Ice cream shop comes up and the players halt whatever they're doing to argue with a chocolate obsessed dwarf.

My group was playing interface zero and I was a 12 year old hybrid who's father was a ladies man in the yakuza. Another player was playing a prostitue, and when my character smelled her after a job she scrunched up her face and said "you smelled like new mom."

Now anytime a character has sex we say or ask if they have that new mom smell.

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>>54855071

The fucking trenchcoat.

>first time playing live and through voice
>playing a cyborg samurai on cp2020
>didn't really wear a shirt because no need, what with the huge amounts of metal in my bod
>going into a police precint, have to be discreet, decide to borrow another PC's old, battered trenchcoat
>get to the precinct
'anon did you bring the coat'
'oh shit, i didn't. i-i-i guess i'll go back and grab it'
>cue shirtless murderbot with a katana looking like he left the stove on and going back out
>grab trenchcoat, wear it, come back
>party is losing their shit, cry laughing
>i wanna kill myself


From that day on, the trenchcoat is widely known as the mark of the retard. Anyone that's retarded "needs a trenchcoat", and when we do something dumb it'll sometimes be followed by a "oh, shit, lemme grab my trenchcoat".

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Slapping a guy in the face shouting "TALK! TALK!"

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>>54854213
>[Distant omnidirectional beeswarm noises intensify]

>>54854213
I'm running a game styled after Final Fantasy, so the prevailing in joke among my players is that, at any given time, the NPC the party is currently talking to is actually Sephiroth in disguise and at any moment he is going to run through the nearest ally NPC with a giant katana and start a secret boss fight, with One Winged Angel playing in the background and everything. One NPC in particular gets targeted by this a lot because he is tall, kinda lanky, and has white hair in his mugshot, despite having no other similiarities.

None of my players know that I have not played FF7 for more than two hours.

Oh, and this is less of an in-joke because it's not really intentional, but every time I start the session I will, without fail, make a typo in the opening paragraph and someone will make a snarky quip about it.

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>>54863303
>>54860415 here. We did not do that. We fucked up a lot more people than that.

So, after our valient effort at holding off the Red Army in Scinawa, we started moving east through Poland and towards the German border. This was it. We were done getting into crazy adventures, we were just going to pack our shit and just go home. Wherever we were going, it was bound to be better than continental Europe ravaged by World War III. All we needed to do was keep heading East, keep making fuel, and make sure we had enough replacement parts for our growing convoy of cast off military vehicles for the trip to Germany.

In short, we only went to Glogow for replacement roadwheels. We could machine the goddamn things ourselves, just give us a machine shop, some steel, and some time.

Glogow wasn't doing so well. Glogow was starving, and a food riot was beginning. We parked in front of the machine shop, took it over while everyone was more concerned about where to get their next loaf of bread, and stayed put.

Several botched rolls later, we had two of the five or so road wheels we needed manufactured. The sound of grinding out metal largely drowned out the sounds of gunfire several streets over. The rain came in and drowned out a bit more. Not our problem, not our war.

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>>54872408
Let me tell you something about Twilight: 2000. You're part of a NATO force in Poland, and it's not guaranteed you speak Polish. In fact, the only one of us who did speak polish was the German Major leading out team. So when a group of armed Poles came by, surrounded the shop, and the leader started speaking polish over a loudspeaker, we had no fucking idea what was going on except that guys with guns were pointed at us, and the rest of us pointed weapons at them from the windows of the shop and the APC we parked out front. After a short exchange, we were given the order to fire. Sure, they seemed like a threat. They had guns, didn't they?

Trained soldiers versus jacked up green militia made for easy rolls.

Work resumed on the road wheels within the hour.

More botched rolls. More time lost. By nightfall, the gunfire in the distance died down to small pops every hour or so. Outside, Glogow was eating itself. We weren't particularly concerned. Not everything was going to go well in Post-War Poland, after all.

Our next reminder that bad things can happen to bad people was when a sniper tagged the Major in the legs. He collapsed in the street and we dragged him to the APC and returned fire. Thirty or so spent rounds later, no fire returned from the sniper's hide a couple blocks away.

Now, it's been three years or so since this session, so I forget why the Major _had_ to see the sniper. I suspect we were never told, because we never did hear exactly what was said in Polish. Nevertheless he was bound and determined to see the sniper. So with the assistance of our demolitions guy, he was carried to the sniper's hide.

When he came back, we got the story of just how much we'd fucked up this town.

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>>54872478
The man with the megaphone was the leader of an ad hoc communist militia, the People's Worker's Democratic Whateverthefuck. He wanted our help rounding up people, shooting dissenters, restoring order, and at least ensuring the survival of as much of the town as possible. The Major disagreed with the concept of us getting pressed into service, and just wanted to make the rest of the road wheels and go. The Leader wanted to make an issue of it. The Major stood firm, tensions rose, and we removed the issue. The sniper was his wife. Glogow was eating itself alive, and if nothing else she could have revenge against the men who killed her husband. The Major, now fully cognizant of how hard he fucked up, promised her anything in his power. She gave him a job with her dying breath, and he accepted.

The roadwheels were complete, but the prospect of getting an old Soviet tracked vehicle moving again didn't seem as bright and sunny as when we'd first got there. We rolled out of town the next day. We were apparently supposed to run into several IEDs on the way out, but hey. Green militia made for easy rolls. The gunshots seemed more and more distant. Or perhaps Glogow was just getting quieter.

In the next few sessions we saved Otyn from a band of marauding soldiers, crossed the German border, lost a PC and gained one, drove through a nuclear blast site, and finally reached our destination.

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>>54872492
I forget the name of the place. I believe it began with an R. The first place I see on a map of Germany with an R in the rough path we took is Rudersdorf, though I don't think there was that much of the place worthwhile left. Rudersdorf was a refugee camp. The Third World War was never going to be kind for Germany, and the endless lines of tents and squalor guarded by the last bits of the German Army that gave a damn. And somewhere in the middle of it was a young Polish girl who had gone to Germany for medical school before the Twilight War kicked off. She held back her tears as she was informed of her parents death, probably because she'd seen enough pain around there already. Her boyfriend allowed the Major to make his apologies before escorting us away from her at bayonet point.

We didn't press the issue.

>>54855252
I do this with the Saint Seiya voice and background music

Jimmy from Hardcore Henry always appears as a serf/Servant/Overall domestic dude to the party.

"Dragonborn Paladin"

"I know a guy who knows where Merlin is"

"Adeptus Incompitus"

"Bugbear genocide when?"

"You accidentally transmute ___ into sand"

>>54854213
Back in my ex-group, we had this sorceror called "Stief" (basically called "Steve") who had transcended physical mortality and the boundaries of universes and timelines, and essentially just assumed the role of a chaotic neutral trickster for deus ex machina purposes.

>>54855060
Are you the one guy in my group who keeps doing that every time?

>>54855388
I mean, isn't it kinda the definition of sexist? Unless you do it for every guy too.

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Lots of them. I run a cartoon-y style fantasy game, so lots of opportunity for some fun in-jokes.

>the rouge is a communist
The rouge in the party has a backstory which involves rich parents and a strong dislike of those rich parents. Along with Robin Hood style stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, though she is not opposed to killing. Whenever loot is collected, she insists on pooling the parties funds. And on top of all of this, there is a !Not Socialism group in the Main Quest that she really seems to like. So we always make jokes about her being a communist whenever possible and the rest of the party being oblivious.

>the merchant gives bad deals
There is a recurring merchant character who has the best gear the party can find, but she is very good at bartering and often scams the party. Despite this all the characters in the party really like her so don't speak out against it, except the bard. The joke is that everyone but the bard has no idea they are being scammed.

>a group of teenage girls
When the party was created, no one had any idea what the other party members were going to play. One player wanted to be able to work with the setting crazy matriarchy, so he played a younger female character. It turned out the rest of party wanted to choose similar like that, not knowing everyone was. The joke is that whenever the party does somthing we go like "So a group of teenage girls just overthrew the government" or etc.

>the barbarian can't take prisoners
The first time the party got a prisoner, the barbarian was in a rage and beheaded them. This has happened every time since then.

>eyestabbing
The bard is the party interrogator, and always stabs NPCs in their eyes. It is often a joke that her very specific fetish is eyestabbing.

Thats just a few, other examples include:
>the monk is a bully
>the sky is evil
>Prince Fuckboi of Deus Ex Machina
>wolves are lesbians
>bacon arrows
>the manifest blunt spell
>emotional WMDs
>gypsy cart Blitzkrieg
>blue

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>>54854213
The Skeleton King.
He's a nigh invincible Lich who ramdonly shows up and shakes the party down for beer money.
The locals always deny his existance to the clergy, because he's a big spender and good for theconomy.

>>54854485
kek, it's Burma for us. Also referring to Czechoslovakia or Yugoslavia whenever somebody's about to get fucked up.

"Asmoooodeus!"
We'd chant this whenever Blessing of Asmodeus came up in the Pathfinder card game.

Came from me being a faggot fanboy of a satanic rock group.

Arm blades and how stupid they are

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"A Bethesda Game", any time anyone has an animal companion, their animal companion always comically fucks up, like some sort of glitched out Bethesda NPC.

"Captain Charisma and Captain Vroom-Vroom"

Two different RT games. Charisma was played by a friend of a friend, who ended up min-maxing fellowship to such a degree that all fellowship tests would give him at least 1 degree of success.

Captain Vroom-Vroom had a chainsword, and would mostly just make revving noises when he didn't know what to say. For comedic effect, his crew understood what he was going to say anyway.

"Bootleg Judge Dredd, Vanilla Ice the Assassin and Techpriest Pamela Anderson"

That's a pretty good description of our first Dark Heresy group.

>>54865382
>Kaurl
>Eyepatch
>Goblin, so small stature
>Walking Dead?

>>54854213
>My wife...
>My roommates son is eating my food
>Benesitis
>Ponk
>Kozy Dahnilla - Pss Pss Ft. Mouth

>>54854213
we once had a protracted argument over the GM describing an enemy's teeth being smashed out the back of their head, and how impossible that would be. Now whenever someone GMs and coins the description we usually call a break so we can stop shitting ourselves laughing.

Another is when the fighter was about to chop a chain holding up a prisoner in a dungeon, to which another player tried to stop him with: "Stop, what if it's a load-bearing chain?". Now "Load bearing [x]" is the group meme.

And sergeant rabble. We don't talk about the traitorous, corrupted, disrespectful little shit that was sergeant rabble.

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>Make a bard that speaks giant because I would really rather not have to fight a giant
>DM describes a wall with giant letters on it
>Not giant language, just large letters
>"Hold on guys, I got this, I can speak giant"
>Not even meant to be a joke
>Whole table erupts
>every campaign from then on has at least one guy who can speak giant

can I play as a sword holding a gun?

this came from our DM banning Drow for no real reason (but then again none of us wanted to play a drow so whatever)

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>>54878185
Perfect

>>54854213
"It's a secret (lizardman/apiarist/etc) technique."

Smack, the super mutant blacksmith. Thanks to the actions of one retarded raider with a chainsaw, he went from "Man and mutant must stand together" to "Gas the humies".

The ghoul party member going senile.

>>54855060
What do you know, I've done this too.

>>54854213
"Yes, they are three ogres" in my group is the default answer whenever a player ask something the DM literally just said, started from a dialogue that was literally:

>You see three ogres in the room
>Are they ogre?
>Yes.
>How many of them there are?


"Even on the Marilith", instead is the common phrase said when someone does something incredibly stupid but believe he's doing something very clever. Born when one player declared that he was casting Mass Heal on the paladin grabbed by a Marilith. The DM non seeing a reason for the mass part asked in confusion if the spell was also targeting the Marilith. "Yes, even on the Marilith" was the response from the player, with the expression of someone that had a genial idea but instead was just confusing demons with undeads.

The old Feng was started when, halfway throught a campaign, the party tried to contact what they called "the old guy". After a moment of confusion the DM realized that they were talking about Feng, a recurring npc that was around twenty years old and was never described as old, but for some reason the whole party started to visualize him as the archetypal very old guy. "It's not old!" has become the phrase of choice when a PC misundestand blatantly something described.

"I finally brought them to you, my lord" was what one player came up immediately after the party met the main villain of a long running campaign. It was a joke, but for an instant everybody on the table believed that he was actually a traitor from the beginning. After that it became tradition that every time the group meet a villain at least one player pretend to be a traitor.


There is also one player that is terribly afraid of any body of water because for some reason a good third of his PC died drowning in the most absurd of the circumstancies.

>>54854213
>Play Elvish Monk
>One of characters traits is that he only kills by "accident."
>Take up drinking heavily before known encounters, and falling on enemy on surprise encounters.
>4th encounter, it's a surprise
>Fighting a pack of wolves, with a single human in the center of them controlling the wolves, kind of a pied piper scenario
>Climb into nearby tree after wolves nearly kill me in 1st round, disengage as not to be hit
>Wait in tree for two rounds, throwing whatever I have on me at the wolves, manage to injury them somewhat.
>Figure if I kill the human, the wolves will either disburse, fight each other, or continue attacking, so I go for the human.
>Jump from the tree onto the human below, and use my action for an elbow drop
>DM has homebrew rule, may not be homebrew but no one I've played with uses it, where if you call a shot at a particular body part you do more damage, I called the head.
>Damage die increases by 1d6
>Roll crit
>Roll min damage but lucky it
>Roll max damage
>Was 40 feet up, so gravity helps my damage roll
>We're only 3rd level, so he has low HP, but I never expected this to be pulling so much damage in
>In the end, I did nearly 40 damage directly to the mans head, exploding his skull everywhere
>Whole party cries out in disgust
>Wolves run now that their master is K'Od
>Character is now a legend

I have a few more great moments, will reply soon.

>>54878859
Forgot to add the in-joke of the last one was that from then on every time someone jumped onto another character to kill them, someone would shout "RYUBAL, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" Ryubal being the name of that character I think.


Anyway, same DM different character, our group really is only DM'd by the same friend.

>Be different campaign
>This campaign is after that previous, but with slightly different cast, a few people dropped
>These people are new, so we're all set in for a newbie campaign with easy to read instructions on how to finish it.
>Start in small fishing village
>Townspeople are scared of the water, because merpeople have been spotted by the town drunk.
>Let the newbies take the reigns, while I try to figure this character out, his name was Chester, and he was a ranger Human, that becomes important later.
>Newbies deduce that the drunk was just seeing things, and decide to ignore the plot hook and go shopping
>fuckingnewbies.png
>Whole session goes by, and newbies forget what we were doing.
>I suggest we go to the beach, and try to find signs of treasure
>Newbies jump at the chance for gold
>We wander to the beach, and find a dead merperson.
>The drunk had beaten him to death with an ale bottle, then passed out on the beach a little ways into the water, his legs hidden under the water.
>As the tide rolls back, we see the bottom half of the drunk was been cleaved off, and there are bite marks on his bottle hand.
>One newbie says, "Chester, what do we do?"
>I reply, "How am I supposed to know, I'm a Ranger not a Doctor."
>All the newbies laugh their ass off
>It wasn't even funny
>fucking newbies.
>For the next 3 months, every time someone asks "What do we do?" someone has to say, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, I'M A X NOT A Y."

Will post more if enjoyable, otherwise i'll fuck off.

>>54861888
I'd say "CRAWWWWWLING INNNN MY SKINNNNN" right now, but that would be in poor taste given the circumstances.

>every door is rigged with 17 delayed blast fireballs
>every gnome is literally just millhouse manastorm
>pirate's intuition is always right
>all frogs can dance, but only if they wear top hats

I love my group. It might not seem too funny written down like this, but every time those jokes come up we all laugh to the point of tears.

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> I got it. It was an X

We were once playing a d&d. One of the players broke the wooden door and it expoded, dealing moderate damage to everyone in the radius.

After that there was an uncomfortable silence for 4-5 seconds.
Then one of the players turned to the rest and with a very serious tone said
«I got it. It was a booby trap»

>>54854213

During the first d&d session my current group ever had together years ago, it was someone's first time ever playing d&d. He's been known for hijinks to make people laugh, but he's a pretty good roleplayer.

Now our group happened upon the kitchen to this dungeon we were exploring. There we find the stuff you would expect to find in a kitchen, salted meats, vegetables, etc. There was also a leather waterproof bag.

Said person grabs the bag and starts adding various ingredients to make a stew into the bag. He ties it up and carries it along with him under the excuse that he and others hadn't bought any food rations in character creation, and had been told this was going to be kept track of when session started.

Weird, but ok whatever at least we have food for those who didn't buy any. As we go through remainder of the dungeon however I see my friend starts to get that 'look' in his eye again. '...Fuck what's he going to do now?' He starts adding all manner of random crap he finds laying in the dungeon. Feces, dirt, random chunks of meat from various monsters... Name it.

We happen upon a guy and take him prisoner. He's not talking, and we weren't doing so well in interrogation. Friend grabs the bag of stew and force feeds it to the prisoner, under threat of feeding him more if he doesn't talk. DM can't believe this is happening but ok, has him roll a d20. Of course he rolls a 20, and the prisoner starts begging not to be fed anymore as he starts throwing up all over himself.

...That damn bag of stew has somehow managed to show up in every single campaign we've done since somehow, whether from him, or someone else.

>>54854213
Necromantic Botany

>The X is confused, he swore he just attempted to hit/throw/lift the X, but it feels like he's grabbed an unshakeable basalt pillar.

>That's considered a marriage proposal in the dragon community.

>Fantasy Gaulcoma

>He's just staring at his hands, thinking of failure.

In our shadowrun game we found this old EVO Facility that was doing some child soldier genetics testing. Nothing super grimdark, basically just advertised itself as a training camp that parents could visit but they were secretly monitoring the kids and training them in combat techniques. The kicker though was when we found their data banks and found out about a dozen of the kids belonged to three of the party members. Apparently the corp went about secretly gathering the dna of anyone with extraordinary genetics, (Anyone with the exceptional attribute quality or a changeling). For the female chars their theft was pretty benign, they had a few eggs secretly harvested when they either got a medical treatement when they were younger or had some cyberware installed. The face though was male, and he vaguely remembers getting black-out drunk after talking with this nice corp lady on the day the samples were taken from him.

At this point one of the players shouted "Jesus dude, you got Spergled!" "..what?" "Sperm burgled!"

It was such a stupid term but the delivery was so great we had to pause the game for 20 minutes just to recover. From then on we've added spergled to our group's vocabularly in a ton of different games.

I'm always the butt of jokes
>Play half orc Druid/Barbarian
>GM decides i never wash myself
>Commonly referred to as Mossy from that point onward
>It's been several years and it hasn't stopped

>Different campaign, different group, different system
>Roll up a gnome paladin in full plate, shield and a small trident
>Basically a tank
>Always do negligible amounts of damage with it
>Everyone calls me Pokey


Oh, and let's not forget "I poison my vagina"

each campaign vaguely follows a movie plot. Its almost like trying to guess a charade. Each time its reavealled its so obvious everyone is butthurt they didnt figure it out. Im gming starwars right now its pretty difficult keeping it super subtle.

>It's strange. Everyone in this town seems to be bisexual.

>>54854213
>breasted vegetation

A little misunderstanding turned prestidigitation into somewhat of a new ability.
Whenever it's cast, the caster summons a plant-woman with large breasts who then carries on the intended spell.

>"I cast breasted vegetation to create distracting noises coming from down the hall"
>"Very well, a green plant comes up through the tile cracks and grows into a beautiful, big busted plant-woman. She then grabs a pan and wooden spoon hanging from the wall and starts banging them around."

This is just how the spell works now in my group. No turning back.

>>54854213

>In an empty, seedy, drinking establishment there is a haggard looking man, somewhere in his late 30s but worn and aged by a clear and long history of alcohol abuse.
>He has a long but greying curled moustache and a floppy hat with a faded feather stuck in it
>As he drains the last of his cheap wine from the bottle, he holds it up and squints
>"Mon bleu, it is done".
>He falls over, dead from cirrhosis.
>Somewhere in a busy tavern, as the sun sets over the horizon, a single drunk man stumbles down into the basement and falls down the stairs, cracking a large wine barrel.
>Too drunk to to stand up, he drowns
>as the last light fades a figure jerks to life, sputtering and coughing
>he looks around, twirls his luxurious black moustache and puts on a floppy hat
>"Mon blue, it has begun!"

Raul de Monteuil is eternal, he makes a small cameo in every one of our games, since he is unwittingly the patron saint of adventurers, having survived countless encounters by sheer luck and the ability to be far more stupid than anyone could possibly predict.

Whenever I play this, everyone at my table gasps, pleads for mercy or simply loses all hope.
It's the song that means reality is breaking/the warp is overtaking them and it is not a good pain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTFHogsXGG0

On a similar note, every time one of my players has to do something difficult that seems hopeless, they call me up to thank me for the campaign I GMed all those years ago, because it taught them well.
Yes, this is a joke, with just enough sincerity to make it special.

>>54867305
This is my group too. We have too many retarded memes to list at this point, like the fact that all elevators are inexplicably being fixed, no matter the setting. Or that rolling 2d6 is the bane of my fucking existence.

I remember when the list was small enough to post in these threads.

>>54854213
Whenever an epic level npc gives a rousing speech, one of our characters will inevitably interrupt, shouting out
"faggooooooooot"

'Here be weasels' as a marker for any unknown but dangerous territory on a map.
This came from an incident where we were almost TPK'd but a group of dire weasels.

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>>54854258
I despise this sort of thing. Were I you, I would leave. Before you become to accept their brand of perma-virgin humor.

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>>54854258
>Anon's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again!
>for six years now

>>54854213
>Go to a con years ago with a couple of group members.
>Get into some damn WW2 skirmish game, I don't fucking remember which one. The one with the miniatures and the dice and the measuring...
>Lot of players, having some fun.
>One of the players makes some sort of hideous tactical error, most of us raise eyebrows at it.
>Dude who must have had The 'Tism panics, casts his finger forth in the "dam't to hell, boy! DAM'T TO HELL!" style and proclaims loudly that "every death from this point forward is on YOUR HEAD." Storms off.

Story makes rounds back home, so now it's a theatrics contest to see who can make the most dramatic delivery of the line. Dumb shit, but we enjoy it.

>BEEP BOOP I'M A ROBOT

Said when a particular challenge laid out by the GM can be easily circumvented by a particular character's very obvious race, class, or any other ability, and could've been easily accounted for had said GM looked more than not at all.

Originally sprouted up because a GM put the party into a survival situation and forgot that one of the characters was, indeed, a robot, making the whole event rather trivial.

>>54855331
What is it with Danny Devitos in tabletop? I've been in 2 different groups (a D10 group and a D&D group) where he was a recurring gag character.

>>54854213
A shop keeper who goes "ah, a customer!" upon meeting the party, after a npc rain a ghost town adventure where the pcs reset to their default state whenever they left the room and nothing from inside the town could leave it.

And griffins communicate, telepathically, and think all humanoid races are just humans. "go away humans!".they cock their heads at funny angles and repeat things the party says, telepathically.

>>54854213
>Player roll incredibly high
>DM says *Just* hits or *just* succeeds

For example:
Player fighting low level mook
DM: Roll to attack
Player rolls natural 20, already +14 to attack
DM: *just* hits.

>>54854213
>See anything in a dungeon
>Its a mimic!

>One PC to another PC:
>look out, that could be a mimic floor

One session we did have a mimic door which was hilarious though. DM insists it wasn't a mimic, but some kind of living door.

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>>54883931
>Danys&Devitos

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>>54854213
My character getting fucked (sometimes literally) by wolves or other fierce feral canine creatures.

This all stems from a very painful encounter in the Green Ronin Dragon Age RPG where on our first real adventure my PC, an elvish rogue specializing in unarmed and improvised weapons, spent half their time in combat with a pack of blight wolves being knocked prone due to the GM's great rolls and a misunderstanding of the rules for getting stunt points.

Tl;dr: Image related as a wolf sexually assaulting or making lewd gestures towards my PCs.

>>54854817
Sounds like you have a shit DM.

>>54861851
>"...I suppose "Dragon Dildo" is a technically correct answer to the riddle."
I gotta know the context

>>54860573
My fellow frog, je te comprends.
Outchébé aussi.

>>54854213
Dwarves tend to die mysteriously in every campaign, seemingly without struggle or any signs pointing to how they died.

Also, names that are just colors in different languages. Rojo Verde and his archnemesis Azul.

Started playing 40k with two guys who were just returning to the game after a few years of being away. First game, one-shot one guy's warlord turn one. Second game, same guy's warlord one-shot turn one. Third game, one-shot same guy's warlord turn two.

It became a running joke to one-shot the guy's warlord turn one, though it hasn't actually happened in a while.

It's only looting if we just pick it up off the warm corpse. If we were to, say, pour some dirt on them and 'dig' them up, it's archaeology, and thus taxed separately. And, y'know, not a crime.

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>>54854213
We have a Tengu, that has maxed perception for the sole purpose of finding coins. He embodies the greedy Jewish stereotype, and has infinite alcohol
Our Oracle keeps telling this one NPC he fucked his sister, it reached a point where the NPC made him sign a blood pact to stop, but he didn't. Almost causing that Oracle to die, before the NPC gave in and let him live. Now every time the Oracle claims to be doing NPC's sister he just lights him on fire.
My own character has a dragon obsession, his goal to to become a dragon ultimately, and he has a pseudodragon familiar. After sending my familiar to tie up an NPC he of course tried to escape, I innocently said "You can't escape, I taught that dragon everything there is to know about knots", causing the entire to erupt in laughter as their minds immediately went to dark places.

Lastly we have a NPC that was hunting the group because he hired by the bbeg. Upon defeat he survived, and the face decided to hire him, and the DM had to quickly figure out a name. 'Chungus' was engineered by the DM to not outshine the party by giving him poor stats, and a meek personality.
Quickly he became the parties favourite NPC as they found him adorable, and he rolled crits at an astounding rate. One time he the party accidently left him in a room with vampire for 8 rounds. He had a daze spell, but that gave him only a 60% chance to avoid the vampire each round. Despite the math working out that avoiding the vampire was around 1.7% he won and the party rescued him.

>>54854213
Basically bane posting.
Whenever I as the GM explain that a new met npc is bigger than one of the pcs or big in general it devolves into baneposting.

>>54863509
>>54863554
you and your friends are quite funny. love the innkeeper and the elven spanish

>>54854485
Germany's that for my CoC group.
I GM'd a few games for them and eventually led them to a castle in the Black Forest, whose name I came up on the fly, where creepy cultists were doing stuff to summon Nyarlatothep.

Months later we played again using the survivors of the previous campaign and I decided to make a bit more research this time.
Then I discovered that there actually was a castle in the Black Forest with that exact name.
And it was used by the Society of Thule.
I visibly shivered when I looked it up.

>>54854213
That I'm out to kill them (I'm the GM), or that they're murderhobos (They usually think back to their actions and realise that they've actually been murderboning).

Another group where I'm a player; we joke about one of our guys being suicidal because a lot of his characters die.

mild tengu/kenku racism.

favourite line in a game because of this "Hey! Martin Luther-Kingfisher did not die for this abuse!"

>>54885383
What was its name?

>>54854213

- Radioactive Cow
- Griffons Have Three Attacks

>>54855138
You sound like a fun DM.

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>>54872849
Good taste dude

Everything is a mimic
The sky is a mimic, the earth is a giant mimic, the ocean is a mimic
In the pathfinder campaign I'm in around level 2-3 we entered our first real dungeon. It was a sprawling mine cavern with tons of different shafts to explore and numerous traps. None of these compared to the mimic disguised as a chest in the guard tower above the giant land scar of a mine. I am playing a rogue and I went to go investigate the chest which seemed to have an extra panel underneath. The bard assisted. This sprang the trap of the mimic and got our arms wedged into its toothy mouth. I was able to free myself with a sleight of hand roll slipping out of my gloves but the bard was none so lucky.
He was knocked unconscious and almost died during the combat.
4 months later he has PTSD from the encounter with the mimic and it's a big meme within the group that we attack anything and everything saying it's a mimic

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>>54884094
>My character getting fucked (sometimes literally) by wolves or other fierce feral canine creatures.
Wew.

"Sleipnir isn't a white X!"
"I don't think they ever said what color Sleipnir is..."
"Sleipnir isn't an X!"

"Nobody panic, but i may have shagged the half-X."

"Did everyone pack their mirrors?"
"I'm a (short race), do you think i carried a body mirror all the way in here."

Land Urchins.

"Shit, we're in Turku."
Turku Fried (bird-spirit's name)

"I swear, you're making me do this just to look up my habit, are you? Er, not that i mind."
"...Maybe."
"Shut up Suzu."

"Pick and stick, numbnuts!"

"Get your dust out of my pistils!"

Spooky Scary Swashbucklers.

To name a few...

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Paladin bees being the ultimate epitome of heroism and self-sacrifice for a noble cause.

my group has a guy who is HUGELY into Twilight Imperium. Always makes sure he gets the race that can get the best trade deals. as a result we call him Spacejew.

>>54854213
>What are your group's inside jokes?
"Chuckles" and "Derp Marine"

>>54860538
What system?

"I alter self into a sculpted man"
"yeah roll for sculpted"

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>>54887165
My characters have yet to be literally raped by wolves but ever since that one encounter that is the joke. It has been, and hopefully will remain, funny little throwaway lines/descriptions like, "After regrouping at the tavern, your mission accomplished, you all sit down and have a well earned drink. FIGHTER bothers WIZARD in an attempt to get their helmet enchanted worrying what another concussion may do to them, ROGUE is talking with their usual shady drinking companion, and you Anon are about to take a sip of your ale when just on the edge of your sight outside the tavern's north window you spot a wolf. The wolf points at you and winks while giving a lewd look".

Makes me consider choosing ranger as a class in the future and making beasts one of my favored enemies.

>>54890236
This was a most cruel misuse of "literally," Anon. I hope you know that.

>>54854213

35 Gallons of White Latex Based Paint and a 3ft diameter wheel of cheese.

>>54855811
>Smoking Aces on _____________
>Hiring multiple teams to do the same job at the same time. We've done it on Wheels, on a Plane, on a Train, and even on Ice
>We've done it on Wheels, on a Plane, on a Train, and even on Ice
>ON ICE

Got an interesting story to go with that Anon?

>>54854213
Bearded court wizards are always secret villains (and villainous mages are always bearded court wizards). Loose fake beards may apply if the character in question is an elf. Derived from a campaign where we had three people prepare different stories and rotate through the roles of DM, all preparing an evil bearded court wizard separate from each other.

For a less serious one, one standing joke, the origin of which I don't recall, was for the group's go-to barbarian to inquire on the topic of bosom size when DM describes a female NPC, putting his hands to his chest and moving them outward, saying "Say stop".

>>54860573
>every barman or tavern owner is breton
Why? It's been a while since I left the country, but wouldn't Normans be more "taverny"?

>>54854213
Carnivorous apes. First game was with a brand new DM. Every time we had to travel through a forest that spanned most of the continent, we ran into carnivorous apes. Just carnivorous apes.

Game falls apart, then another. We go to another DM. She outlines how everyone lives in walled cities because of monsters. We're on a plain. "Oh good, at least there won't be any carnivorous a-" Monsters are scaling the wall! Go fight them! They're... carnivorous apes!

>>54854213

Whenever someone needs to do zomething important

ZHU LIE! DO THE THING

Going full autist.
"My autism is acting up."
The dice box.

The reason why is all from the same story. Gaming in dudes living room, dice tend to roll off TV trays and onto the floor. Two buddies are using dice cups, one tells/gets me a box about the size of a cereal bowl.

What he meant: I should throw my dice into the box instead of on the tray where they'd roll on the floor.

What I did: Used the box as a dice cup.

Now, I wasn't retarded enough to slam the box down on the TV tray, as that would be worse but it would have revealed my error faster. Instead, I shake the box in both hands, making the dice rattle around and occasionallly pop up like popcorn kernels in a frying pan. Three "rolls" later, my friend finally realizes what I'm doing and the game had to be paused for a half-hour because he couldn't stop laughing.

Yes, my brain went full autist that night...

>>54854213
"actions have consequences"
We decided to release the tarrasque on the world so we could steal the adamantite chains holding him back, then sell them. (unbeknownst to us there were two layers of security, so we didnt even actually release the fucker)

In the process we met with the deck of many things, and acquired a "castle", among other shenanigans. I'm an asshole and pulled a lot of cards, so I had to fight four wraiths by myself consecutively. I was a lumi so I had immunity to ability damage or drain or whatever it was so I actually won

So we get to the castle, and our fucking DM draws it as a 4x4 room, because he is tilted due to aforementioned dickery. We call him out, and he expands it to a reasonable size.

Then a gold dragon (lawful good) decides he wants to incinerate us even though he would have no knowledge of recent events.

When we're like "what the fuck" our dm is like "actions have consequences"

and now we say actions have consequences sarcastically whenever somebody gets fucked over, whether they deserved it or not

>>54891334
This is dickish and could've been solved by your GM just reading the card description. It clearly states that the castle can be anywhere and is generally in a state of disrepair and possibly overrun. It's a great card in that it allows a GM to have a "low maintenance" adventure at some point during the campaign.

I changed the card to a long forgotten monastery since my groups cleric drew it just to get to use some of the maps I had drawn for an adventure I decided not to run later.

>>54854213
>Thomas the Butcher
First, it was just a random weirdo NPC that our Rogue met when he wanted to buy some meat for his dog. Generally, allways we meet a merchant in his sessions, we are careful, because they are allways lying or insane, or both, but this fellow was especially deranged. We discovered, because of his lose lips, that he killed his wife and neighbour and turned them into sausage. The Partys Ranger and Me interuptted our main quest, and of course telled the local guard about it. Thinking, that this problem would be solved, we continued on our main quest. Later we came back, to see that, as the guards had tried to arrest him, he went on a killing spree and killed 15 of them with his butcher knife, before the knocked him out and throw him into the prison. Later on, we to landed there (Needed some old classified texts and broke into a house for it.). Since my character was educated in law, the judge made a deal. If I would replace a laywer that was sick the day, and defend 4 prisoners from the death penalty, we would have to spend less time in prison. And who had I to defend? Of course, Thomas the Butcherer. And I critically succeced. Well.. so he got free. And from time to time, we hear about some cruel murders, when we pass a village.

>>54855060
I made my whole party roll to determine their attractiveness and dick size(vaginal depth in the case of the one female)

They ended up a party of heroes who are all butt-ugly with 2-3 inch dicks, the girl is a 6/10 with a 5 inch vag

The first time I ever DM'd I forgot to make a table for NPC names. I'm horrible at naming. So when the party asked what the bartenders name was (in a fantasy medieval setting) I said
>Uhhhhhh... Jim. I mean William. Er, Jilliam.
So now every campaign I run has a recurring character named Jilliam.

>>54855060
WoD player here. I actually ask specifically for every NPC's Appearance stat if we start conversation. It's the one stat that we can literally see, in character of course.

>>54855331
For us Patrick Warburton is a recurring character. Our DM does a 10/10 impression, and it's great.

"Doing a Damian" or a "Classic Damian": Rolling a 1 at the worst possible moment. Like rolling to save vs a Lich's paralyzing touch when you're the only one with a weapon that has disruption active.

I have the world's unluckiest fighter.

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>>54854213
>Once spent an hour discussing the concept of anything that can be milked/used to make milk having tits, leading to the constant mention of almond tits

>Every door must be kicked open. Even the unlocked ones.

>Constant battle over who holds the title of being "The absolute worst"

>DM threatening to kill characters over puns

>"OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT." whenever someone joins the voice chat

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Some sound in WoW has become a joke for us.

>an erushan?? :o wat r u hiding >:0
>HUH?!
>every furbolg sound
the all time booster classic
>watsh ur klever mauth.... bitch...

>>54854213
One time, while following a river up a mountain to a liches lair, the party came across a small dock with a small ship and a campsite of bandits
A fight broke out between the PC's and the camp of bandits, with the PC's claiming a decisive victory.
While looting the bandits stuff, I specified that the bandits each had in their packs a roll of bandages.
>so wait . . .?
>are they . . ?
>bandaged bandits?
group starts howling with laughter
>we killed a band of bandaged bandits!
they loot the bandages and wrap them around their arms
>we're wearing the bands of the bandaged bandits
laughter eventually dies down
they loot the ship
the flag has a skull and crossbones on it
the crossbones have bandages
>immediate return to laughter
>the banner of the bandaged bandits!
>the bandaged bandits fly their bandaged banner!
several sessions later, after dealing with that lich (he turned out to be a nice guy) they encounter more bandits
PC's win again as bandits aren't really particularly tough
>loot the corpse
while pulling off the bandits leather armor you see a tattoo on his upper arm
a tattoo of a bandage
>howling laughter

To this day, despite the efforts of noble adventurers the Bandaged Bandits are still the largest raiding clan on the west coast of Avaricia, their fleets plague port and ship from Drokka, to the Emberwood, to the Island Empire of Klin
But woe befall any man under a bandaged banner when these adventurers see him, those bandages will not keep those bandits safe

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>>54865447

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>>54854213
Dead serious Wernher Herzog quotes coupled with a thousand-yard stare. Especially the obscenity of the jungle.
"There is some sort of a harmony; it is the harmony of overwhelming and collective murder"
"Even the starts in the sky up here look like a mess"
"It's not that I hate it. I love it. I love it very much, but I love it against my better judgement."
"The birds are in misery. I don't think they sing, they... They just screech in pain."
"It's a land that God, if he exists, has created in anger."

New, freshly painted warbands being routed by the Random Happenings table in their first match.

>>54868854
yuck

>>54854213
We have a bunch of lines we throw around, I'll try to include some context where I can

> Who needs a map?
- When we realized nobody in the party bought a map

> Come back in ten years kid
- Boasting after beating a literal child at war

>Im gonna naNUT
- Robot talking about his nanites being sucked out of his body

>Bugzo/Bunny Onesies
- A horrible lolsorandumb character that a dude who left our group made (he wasn't a bad player, just made a bad character) that was a so awful DMs have been jokingly inserting him into situations for years

>You weak insipid fools
- Bugzo's catchphrase, it stuck after a DM interpreted him as an eldritch abomination rather than just a lunatic who wears a bunny outfit

>>54894065
War as in the card game

>>54854213
I'll have a Pepsi, Dojima-san !

Whenever a character or NPC says something remotely corruptible, the players typically respond with 'What, are you fucking gay?'

Nutri-grain bars appear frequently in most campaigns in one form or another.

Highly agile dodge-skeletons.

"BUZZ LOOK AN ALIEN!"

My character's catchphrase: "Where I come from there are/is no x/y" with a heavy arabian accent.

>54892837
Lucky motherfucker.

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>>54854213

Scringus, the inter-dimensional goblin that was a pickle farmer until he wandered far from home. All he wants to do is go home. He appears in the most ridiculous spots throughout all of our games, no matter who is running and which system. He always screams either "AAAAH I'm a Goblin! I eat babies!" or "I just wanna go home AAAAH! I miss my pickles!!!!"

In one of our campaigns, we recently found out that he has been running a goblin thunderdome, thinking that, with enough bloodshed, Dimm (the name of one of the deities in our world) will notice him and let him go home..... Dimm doesn't even know it's happening.

>>54888702
Ops and Tactics, with homebrew races and setting

Seems like every session something gets said that everyone finds hilarious and that becomes the saying for the night. So far this list is as follows
>"I stealth with poo in hand" followed by "What's the DC to dodge vomit?"
>whispered seductively "Neigh neigh"
>"There is no safeword in racism."
>"God says you're an onion."

One of our players at times speaks in a manner nobody can understand so one is just
>What if elk?
based on the same indecipherable question he asked in some fugue.

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>>54854213
Asperger Dragonborn fighter had a healing potion but completely ignored the ranger for reasons unknown to us.

>>54855060
The fact that i just learned this existed speaks volume of my scrubiness.

I must rectify this.

"Roughly a thousand spider eggs."
"And there's a gorilla on the ceiling."
"Professor Loramor"

>>54864553
You objectively can't roll dice. Also.
>ugh

Colossal Red Dragons.

Had a recurring quest giving NPC, who when they dug into, was revealed to be older than should be humanly possible.

They just said "o clearly its a Colossal Red Dragon" and left the plot hook at that. Never refereed to him by character name either, i'd tell them they need to talk to him "who? oh you mean the Colossal Red Dragon." Its now our guild name. Our discord Name. It wont stop.

Also ARACHNUS REX: THE SPIDER KING (he's not the king of spiders, he's the king of everything, he just happens to be a spider).

knowledge check for the origin of the ancient ruin and fail? Well clearly it reveals that it was made in honor of ARACHNUS REX: THE SPIDER KING. Fail arcana? well clearly whatever it is would be inferior to what ARACHNUS REX: THE SPIDER KING could make.

Also descriptions of the spider king with arms held wide saying saying he's got huge venomous fangs then before you finish show a finger length normal spider size (he is just a spider)

This goddang joke. He's in OTHER DMs campaigns now according to my players. They're infecting others. Its a plague. The greatest vector has been a factor of 3, as in one player spread to another campaign and one of those to another, then another.

Send help. These memers.

>>54895524
My Sorcerer got the same rep in our game when I chose to try and heal an NPC cleric to spite another NPC wizard who'd been talking down to my character since we'd met, and I completely ignored our dying Paladin in the process. He survived, thanks to our Rogue, but the Paladin mostly agreed with me, because he couldn't stand the Wizard either.

Out biggest joke is mentioning or hinting that your character is a gay, time-traveling, cow-boy or in the process of becoming one

>>54863462
Will you post the list, Anon? I would love to steal that for a game.

>>54854213
Roll for troll toll.

>Varkus Can't X for Shit
Related to the time every roll through a whole session I failed
>I am taking your helmet privilege away.
Black crusade you have request a helmet separate when it comes to carapace. I argued for a while with my Gm about this.
>Inquistor "Hand Held Heavy Artillery Platform" Varkus
>"I am Cadian I got this"
Varkus was a Cadian Space Marine and acted the equivalent of Ciaphas Cain but as a space marine and with better luck.
(Custom chapter thing and different universe.
>Fuckin Space Aids
>syphilis Khaine
I continue sly miss pronounced Ciaphas Cain name and miss spelled it
>Can we artillery it?
How every fucking session one of the party members asked if we could rain artillery down on it.

>>54896665
Also fuck me 666 That reminds of another thing
>"What is this melee you speak of"
>The Tau were right, melee sucks.
The Inquistor of the party.
>Everyone craves the blue booty
>"Apparently I fucked a Tryanid Warrior fused to a woman, so whats the wager I am gonna get blamed"
Party's reaction to the apothecary some how discovering a Human fused to a tryanid warrior and not getting shot when bring it back on ship.
>"OH FUCK ITS MANTA MAN."
>"Did a Tau just melee are Transport out of the air."
Max the "SGT" Of the party's reaction to a manta man meleeing a drop ship out of the air because his fleet was "hurt".
>"Tau astartes would of happened anyway"
Quote the resident Xeno expert of the part.

>>54864816
Many whelps?

>>54896761
>Stalker Boltor can take down Manta's
Fucking righteous fury and house rules
>Parrot Tiny Dragon machine fused warp smith
How one of the Gms effectively make female space marines and forge titans out of paper clips.

>Heads or tails?
>Seven page objection!
>That was, in fact, his final form.
>Wait, can I play a music clip for this?
>I roll Psyniscience. (everyone mispronounces 'psyniscience' for several seconds)
>HOOT!
>Birds like dice.

>>54854213
Ronald Chump makes his appearance even now and then. He won the presidency and now San Francisco is quarantined

>>54854213

"JIIIIMMMY!" always shouted with utmost frustration and drama, often with no need to ham it up due to genuine anger. This is because of an absolutely nefarious and brilliant player who all the other players now live in fear of, since he has, at various points, conned all of them. He orchestrated a complete recreation of Better Call Saul's famous Squat Cobbler defense by framing and then representing another player in court. He passed the Bar without studying by rolling a nat 20, just like for his attractiveness rating. In order to keep him in check, I created an also nat 20 beauty manipulative socialite who alternates between abusing him in bed and stopping him from having nervous breakdowns, which tend to be dangerous and expensive for the whole party. At one point he paid a master assassin to kill the entire party should he die, in order to motivate them to protect him and never betray him.

"You have ass cancer." or "Gaseous Austism" is my go-to response to players when I'm not sure what is actually inside the loot-container they're opening, because it always gets a laugh and gives me a precious 2-5 seconds to think.

"I don't know what's going to happen to that boy but I'd like to take notes when it happens." Our Ranger-ish character (using a homebrew system adapted for an existing setting) who started out as a Rat Catcher getting horrifically scarred and/or bathed in magic. Magic is pretty rare in this setting (none of the players can reliably use it, or even really understand how it works) so it's a big deal.

"This is so bad." always delivered in a completely calm deadpan by a player who always plays big, beefy warrior off-tanks. He's said this line while sailing into a sea monster's open mouth, getting lost in a maze of hanging bodies, crawling through a sewer pipe after getting his legs chopped off, and being lowered on a rope to the sea floor to plant mines. I'm pretty sure he has no idea this line has become iconic to the rest of the group.