Field Kit Inspection: Gauss to Meet You Edition

>>54837245
Boss... I make shields go up....
We can only..... go down.... to the big.... robot house....
Try... elevator?

>>54837245
Maybe we should go to the end of the ship that's hanging off the gorge and jump all at once so it falls down

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>>54837245
>Meanwhile at the landing zone
Hmm I wonder how's group doing...eh they must be fine, yes.
Allright servitors, get the road marked
Excellent the bar is ready

>>54837267
That... stupid... plan...

>After servitors finished marking the road and the bar was built, hooded figure takes out megaphone and says
LAAADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TODAY I'M HONORED TO OPEN THEEEE
FIRST [insert planet's name here] RACING TOURNAMENT!
>Bored guardsmen begins to cheer

>>54837442
>>54837288
Dammit, forgot the nametag

>>54837457
What are we racin-n mr dannag?

>>54837508
Well there already are racers as you can see on the board
>He points at the big board, recently set up with the names, vehicles and bets
They will drive from here, towards that fallen mechanicus ship, then they'll drive around it and get back here
>Ponts at the massive screen in the middle of ramshacke bar
And through the skull probes we'll see the racers all the time, yes.
Now my friend, can I get you a drink or a snack, or would you like to bet, yes.

>>54837576
I wanna, bet, me gun.
Me lasgun. Yeah.
I bet it that the red un wins.

>>54837601
...Hmm
Okay so you bet on the "Red storm" the biker?
Excellent
>Takes the gun
That's 5 to 1, come people, race starts in 20 minutes

>I'd sit idly on a wooden crate, drinking some Amasec, while looking a picture of my family, before they were obliterated on Cadia
Dammit, I'll get my revenge on you on day, Despoiler.

Rolled 22 (1d100)

>A thoughtful look on his face, attempts to loot one of the dead Skitarii that lay around the Mechanicus ship for a .better weapon.

>>54837692
OI... go on over... and let out all of the.... child servitors... quickly...

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>54837692
>I'd look to the conscript, aiding him in finding him a better weapon

>>54837656
Why so glum
What's wrong pal?

"Red Storm" Bike driven by Sergeant Rons 4 to 1
"Viper" a chimera driven by Private Nathaniel and Sergeant Lisa 7 to 1
"Bull" a taurox driven by Leutenant Maria and Greg the ogryn 6 to 1
"Snake" a tauros driven by the ratling brothers Mark and Lenon 4 to 1
Khulan the rought rider and his steed Ogla 5 to 1
"Devil" Hellhound driven by Sergeant Markus and Private Leslie 7 to 1

Rules:
No killing
Stay on track
No sabotage

If you want to join ask Ars'andog

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>>54837849
>the man snaps a photo on his antiquated pict capture device, then speaks into a cumbersome looking vox device
Shapin' up to be a real race today folks, the racers are workin' on their cars as we speak, tryn'a stay outta this sun! Be sure to tune your vox to channel 134 point 23, or if you're lucky enough, you TV to Channel 17, to catch ALL of today's action!

>>54837924
When's starting the race?

>>54837976
>the reporter takes the man's pict, the bright flash disorienting him, before speaking rapidly
I donno pal, I'm just the reporter. Ask that stand up guy in the robes, he seems like the guy ta' know!

>>54838005
The race starts in half an hour, just time for people to buy some snacks, place bets, and racers to get ready, maybe some will join too, who knows, yes.

>>54838038
I am here to defeat my competition by all means possible!
I am entering the race!

>>54838161
Of course, tell me about your vehicle, yes

>The Lord would wake up on the ship, disgruntled and disorientated. He would make his way towards the hull, where he would greet Guardsman, awaiting their reaction

>>54838178
>The man looks up from trying to balance a quill on its nib at the sound of the lord approaching
Oh shit son

>>54838174
My vehicle is a standard racing car with no modifications at all to speak of. I assure you of this.

>>54838213
Relax! Relax. If I wanted you dead, you would have been already.

>>54838161
>the man flashes the camera in his face
Tell us about your car, your strategy, whaddaya think about the other racers? How did you get here? How did I get here? How did any of us get here?

>>54838178

>Spits out his water, in the middle of attempting to drink from his canteen.

>Knowing the danger, only stares, wide-eyed.

>>54838238
My car is unimportant, my strategy is secret the other racers are pricks and we all got here on the crashed ship.

>>54838251
>I'd sigh, looking the man up and down
Oh dear...

>>54838278
You... big smashy. I smash you?

"Red Storm" Bike driven by Sergeant Rons 4 to 1
"Viper" a chimera driven by Private Nathaniel and Sergeant Lisa 7 to 1
"Bull" a taurox driven by Leutenant Maria and Greg the ogryn 6 to 1
"Snake" a tauros driven by the ratling brothers Mark and Lenon 4 to 1
Khulan the rought rider and his steed Ogla 5 to 1
"Devil" Hellhound driven by Sergeant Markus and Private Leslie 7 to 1
"Standart racing car" a racing car driven by Richard Dastardly 5 to 1

Rules:
No killing
Stay on track
No sabotage

If you want to join ask Ars'andog

>>54837924
>From out of nowhere, several hours of green, electric light, would flash along the desert sands near the race course, before quickly dissipating.
>Hovering above the ground where each ball of light had once been, would be a Necron Tomb Blade. Their armour painted an almost black-silver colour, with blood red trim.
>Their pilots would look about ready too shoot at the foul organic beings, treading upon their world, but would stop short of such things.
>A moment later, a ball of green light later, and they would eahc be gone. Only to reappear mere moments later. Their vehicles now painted with bright flames.
>The leader would then point towards the recently contructed race track. Implying that should they wish to live, they will race against the Necrons.
>Hsould anyone reach for weapons, they would immediately open fire upon them.

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>>54838290
Do not touch me you brute.

>>54838318
WHAT YOU WANT?

>>54838305
Oh boy, erm hello my metalic friend, were about to begin the race, how many of you will be racing?

>>54838337
I would like you to leave me alone.

>>54838343
>There would be about 30 tomb blades hovering above the ground before him.
>While the mechanical Xenos before you neither speaks, nor indicates anything with its body movements. You feel as if he's calling you a waste of space, and a moron.

>>54838380
Where's the steesee?
Stacey?
STC?
Where?
WHERE?

>>54838380

>Looking rather uncomfortable, shifts from one foot to the other.

>>54838305
>the man stares, his mouth agape, before raising his camera and flashing a pict, then picking up his vox microphone
Shapin' up to be a real race today folks! We've just been joined at the track by... uh... a bunch of metal skeletons!
>the man puts his hand to his ear
Huh? What's that you say? Total annihilation?
Alright folks, I've just been informed by this thing in my ear that if we don't win, we'll all be killed! And that's not just us here at the track, they'll trace our broadcast signals and murder all of you listeners and viewers! Looks liver everything is on the line, for what shapin' up to be a real race folks!

>Skull probes hovering over the race track would start to speak
Attention everybody, our race has changed a bit, now it's the Imperium VS necrons,a race for our own survival, and the only one of it's kind in the history of the galaxy. Y
ou can still bet who comes first
Also the race is about to begin, all racers, including honorable necrons, please proceed to the start line

>>54838445
*proceeds to the starting line, blatantly strapping a load of illegal modifications to his car, to be fair nobody will stop him, all the referees are human*

>>54838396
It is up your anal rectum.

>>54838480

>Frowning, the thought of the Lord being incredibly rude crosses his mind.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>54838480
BRUTUS SMASH
*roll to cave the robots head in with my power hammer*

>>54838424
>The tomb blades would set themselves up on the track. Waiting patiently for the fleshy organics to follow suite.
>Something tells you all that, despite their patient look, they'll start vapourizing people, of the other racers don't show up on the track in a few moments.

>>54838571
>ignores

>>54838585
>The other racers are on the track
>Hooded figure calls over the megaphone
ALL RIGHT RACERS
READY
SET GO
>Shoots at the sky with bolter pistol

>>54838585
>the man looks over at the strange hovering vehicles, before shouting at the human racers
HURRY UP YOU FUCKERS, THESE ARE THE BEST RATINGS CHANNEL 17 HAS HAD IN YEARS

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>54838585
>Rolling to sabotage the Tomb Blades

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>54838620
*drives along the same as everyone else, but attempts to throw explosives at the nearest tomb blade*

>>54838636
>Hits him at the back of the head
>Points at he racers leaving

>>54838680
>the man slowly raises his camera up to the hooded creature's face and takes a pict, the bulb flashing with blinding white light

>>54838707
Gah you, focus one the race...and pray to whatever you worship that we win

>>54838721
Well you better too, we're giving a live commentary on the race!
>the man jangles a set of car keys
C'mon, we'll miss the m if we don't hurry up

Rolled 47 (1d100)

>Rolling to covertly sabotage the Imperium vehicles as well

>>54838756
>Goes undetected, but fails to sabotage them

Rolled 54, 80, 46, 23, 46, 79 = 328 (6d100)

>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the first eight of the lap

Rolled 83 (1d100)

>>54838777
*roll for performance of richard*

Rolled 36 (1d100)

>>54838801
>Rolling to throw a plasma grenade onto the engine of richards car
>60+

>>54838747
You go ahead, I have bets to see to

Rolled 87 (1d100)

>Rolling to further sabotage the tomb blades, rigging their engines to explode!

Rolled 83 + 15 (1d100 + 15)

>>54838620
>The tomb blades would shoot off like silver bullets across the tracks.
>The speed at which they were going, would make them look as if they were nothing more than a blur of black-silver and blue flames.
+20 do the the amount of vehicles in the race, as well as the fact that these things are technically starfighters.

>>54838858
Ya fork, alpha legion sabotaged them

>>54838834
Get one of the servitors to do it, I need someone to hold the camera

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>54838858
*richard would see them travelling far faster than he*
I'm going to have to take a short cut!
*roll to not take a shortcut and actually just fire missiles at the tomb blades*

>>54838889
Yes
>Works with the tablet
>Servitor comes near
Take this one

Rolled 77 (1d100)

>>54838839
>The majority of the tombblades would explode into great balls of fire and metal form the bombs.
>It's seems the leader hadanaged to discover this foul trick, however, and had planned accordingly.
>One of the other human racers would explode in his stead.
>Rolling for necrodermis repairs to the rest

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>54838924
>Rolling to sabotage the Tomb Blades again!

>>54838924
>After about 30 seconds, the vast majority would simply reform, and once more take flight.

>>54838974
>>54838937
>>54838924
>>54838894
>Matthias would let out a long groan as the sight of the Necrons outside the Explorator ship.
>They had set up a fucking Pict screen and were intently watching some kind of race, rather than shoot at the guardsmen.
>"I bet those idiots at the dropship, had something to do with this..."

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>Kaptin Toofrich would interrupt this gay race on his giant barge, called Gork's Sail.
>Him and his band of m8s would get off of his barge, and onto the race track

DIS ROAD IS OURS NOW YOU FILFY' METUL' GROTS. SURRENDA' OR DIE!

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>54838999

>Confused about the situation, attempts to wander off to find the Explorator ship's Armory.

>>54838777
>>54838801
>>54838839
>After the first eight of the race track Richard Dastardly and the Leader of the Necron Tomb Blades are tied in the lead of the race

>>54838913
No, I mean you take the photos, the servitor takes bets. You can choose the radio station?

Rolled 16, 9, 10, 15, 7, 3, 11, 19, 12, 1 = 103 (10d20)

>>54839009
>The Necron Tomb blades wouldn't seem to care for the Orks on the road. They seemed (oddly enough) more interested in the race they were slowly winning.

Those Orks that didn't move out of the way quick enough, would either be run over, or shot with twin-linked Tesla cannons.
>First five rolls are for shooting, the rest are Orks being run over.

Rolled 48, 95, 31, 43, 56, 56 = 329 (6d100)

>>54839058
>First roll of the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the second eight of the lap

>>54839063
Why should I take the photos?
I'm the organizer of the race and besides I have skull probes to both take photos of the race and film it live across the sector
>Points at the big screen in the middle of the bar

>>54839103
Because I need photos for the newspaper, see? And the servitor is too god damned dense to work the camera, see?

Rolled 20, 12, 17, 13, 3, 13 = 78 (6d20)

>>54839070
>The Orks would begin firing at the Necron leader, first three rolls
>The other Orks would fire into the necron warriors, last three rolls

>>54837245
Wait we are on a ark mechancius?
and theres Necrons
Pinch me it must be archeotech sanguinalia

>>54839134
Ehhh
Yo Jeffry
>Brings a private to the man
Here this is Jeffry, he ows me a lot of money, but I'll forgive him half of it if he takes photos for you, will it do?
I'll also give you this new bike, so you can catch up to them
>Shows and eldar hoverbike, which is painted green and has skulls and aquila slapped on it

>>54839216
>>54838999

>>54838999
>Calls over vox
Hello, honorable captain, anybody, are you alive out there?

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>>54839223
>looks the man up and down
You'll do buddy, you'll do. No need for the bike my man, I've got my own wheels!
>the man points back at a dilapidated blue sedan

>>54839285
Of course, best of luck

Rolled 19, 86 = 105 (2d100)

>>54839070
>The Necron "leader", would go down in a burning pile of half melted scrap metal, alongside a dozen other tomb blades.
>The rest however, would continue with the race.
>First roll for the race, the second for the downed Necrons repairing.

Rolled 73, 56 = 129 (2d100)

>>54839074
*first roll to race, second roll to glue the tomb blade in first place to the ground

>>54839251
>Matthias would answer through his vox bead.

I hear you, loud and clear. Unfortunately we're stuck at the Explorator ship. There's an army do Necron warriors, and vehicles sitting outside, watching some sort of race on a big screen. I assume one of you had something to do with this...

>>54839310
>the man gives a thumbs up, before grabbing the nervous looking private and slamming the camera into his hands
Now to take a pict, ya just push this button here, after ya turn this lever and turn this knob 36.7 degrees clockwise...
>this continues until he gets to the ancient car, which lurches towards the race in a cloud of thick, oily smoke

>>54839339
>The second roll auto fails, as tomb blades aren't ground vehicles. They hover and can fly both in atmosphere, and in space.

>>54839074
>>54839338
>>54839339
>Calls all over the race track with skull probes(the soldiers mechanicus ship also hear it)
AAAAND THE VIPER TAKES THE LEAD! SECOND BEHIND HIM IS RICHARD AND THIRD ARE BOTH KHULAN AND THE DEVIIIL
THE TOMB BLADES SEEM TO HAVE LOST THEIR SPEED BECAUSE OF FIGHTING THE ORKS AND ARE AT THE LAST PLACE!
>>54839366
It is possible honorable captain, but on the plus side if we win you might survive...if we don't they'll just slaughter us all

Rolled 42 (1d100)

>>54839470
I WILL WIN THIS RACE
*roll to throw 10KG weights into first place car*

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>54839470

>Attempts to wander around the Explorator ship, trying to find something useful.

>Roll to find something useful, like a Baneblade or whatever.

Rolled 94, 67, 26, 38, 16, 37 = 278 (6d100)

>>54839470
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper, get's +10 because of being in the lead
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the third eight of the lap

Rolled 100 (1d100)

>>54839512
*roll for performance*

>the man slams the venerable automobile into 5th gear, the engine screaming in protest as he does so
C'MON JIMMY, WE NEED THOSE PHOTOS

>>54839541
O-of course sir
>Sit's down and begins taking photos

Rolled 95 (1d100)

>>54839470
>As the necron leader regenerates, they continue their race, trying to catch up to the others

Rolled 57 (1d100)

>>54839680
*roll to lay mines behind me*

>>54839744
>Looks over the screen
Hmm...I'll allow it for now...but he'll be disqualified after the race necrons won't accuse us of cheating, yes...let's hope he does anything of use against them

>>54839512
>>54839680
>Over the ludspeakers
AAAAAND IT SEEMS LIKE NECRONS HAVE TAKEN THE LEAD, BUT WAIT
>>54839536
RICHARD HAS GONE THROUGH THEM AND WANT TO THE FIFTH EIGHT OF THE TRACK
>>54839744
AND HE THREW DOWN FLOATING MINES THAT DIMINISHES THE NECRONS LEADING ADVANTAGE!

Rolled 22, 57, 15, 23, 61, 32 = 210 (6d100)

>>54839864
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the fourth eight of the lap

Rolled 58 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>54839864
*roll for my fifth eighth*

>>54839864
Also we'll talk about this incident after the race and discuss whether or Richard will be disqualified, stay tooned

>the car races forwards still, the dust of the other racers appearing over the horizon
YES JAMES, WE'RE NEARLY THERE, GET THAT CAMERA READY

>>54839956
Of course sir
>Takes out the camera

Rolled 89 (1d100)

>>54839864
>The Necrons would attempt to gain a foot hold, avoiding any bombs the foul organics we're leaving.

Rolled 57 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>>54840176
*roll for the 6th lap of dastardly danger!*

>>54839879
>>54840176
>Over the loudspeakers
THEEE NECRONS ARE GAINING FOOTHOLD OFF THE MAIN GROUP, THE GUARDSMEN AND NECRONS SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THE RACERS
>>54839883
BUT RICHARD IS STILL AHEAD AND IS GOING INTO THE SIXTH EIGHT OF THE LAP

Oh goody were going to die

Rolled 14, 98, 58, 35, 99, 95 = 399 (6d100)

>>54840229
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the fifth eight of the lap

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>>54840229
>With their latest gains, the tomb blades racers would attempt to soar past the other racers.

Rolled 43 (1d100)

COME ON JEREMIAH! WE NEED THOSE PICTS AND VIDEOS OR I'M GONNA LOSE MY JOB!
>Slams the car into 6th gear, the engine screeching and wailing
>rolling to try catch up

>>54840229
AND THE JUDGES, ALONGSIDE THE NECRON PARIAH REPRESENTATIVE ARE DISCUSSING ABOUT OUT RICHARD AND HIS POSSIBLE DISQUALIFICATION
WHAT DO YOU SAY HONORABLE REPRESENTATIVE?

>>54840288
>the tall necron sits at a foldout chair next to the judges wearing a red bowtie with white polka dots, staring blankly at the hooded creature for what seems like an eternity

>>54840288
*richard would drive past before abusing his massive lead, stopping for a few seconds and changing one of the directional signs for the race to direct the racers in the complete wrong direction before zooming off once again*

>the commissar barges into the ship, still wounded fro mth prior engadgements

UNKNOWN REGIMENT, FALL IN

>he calls down the ship his call reaching for a good mile

>to defy the commissar would be to invite a friendly BLAMMING

>>54840336
*mumbles to himself*
I swear he was threatening us

>>54840457

>Eyes wide, quickly makes to fall in, Las slung over his shoulder.

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>54840272
Okay sir
>Roll to take photos
>40+

Rolled 11 (1d50)

>>54840532
>with only half the number going the commissar is unhappy

I SAID FALL IN, FASTER YOU DOGS

>he shoots some of the slower ones

[rolling for how many die]

FOR CONTEMPT OF ORDERS DIE

>>54840263
>>54840249
AAAAAND KHULAN TAKES THE LEAD OF THE MAIN GROUP, WITH VIPER BEING SECOND AND DEVIL THIRD, WITH NECRONS BEING IN THE FIFTH PLACE.
IF ANY OF OUR COMPRADES ARE NEAR OR INSIDE THE MECHANICUS SHIP, PLEASE WAVE TO OUR RACERS, THAT ALSO APPLIES THAT NECRONS
>>54840341
RICHARD DASTARDLY, I'M SORRY BUT JUDGES HAVE DECIDED TO DISQUALIFY YOU FOR CHEATING, ON THE BASIS OF SABOTAGE AND ATTEMPED MURDER OF THE NECRONS RACERS...also that sign just lead to the sand, there's no road RACERS IGNORE IT

>>54840669
Drat drat and double drat!
Curses! Foiled again!

>>54840669
>waves with one hand, his other holding a box of nachos heaving with nacho cheese and ground beef

>>54840691
>Calls over vox
Now run away or else the necrons will turn you to dust

>>54840719
>slowly raises a menacing looking gauss pistol

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>54840719
*turns around and attempts to drive into one of the necrons in the lead*

>>54840760
Errr I mean stay where you are, yes....*gulp*

Rolled 51, 6, 30, 48, 68, 94 = 297 (6d100)

>>54840669
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan+10 because of being in the lead
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance on the sixth eight of the lap

>>54840776
>holds the pistol in the air with one hand, fixing his bowtie with the other

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>54840669
>The necrons continue to drive attempting to catch on

>>54840791
>>54840944
>Over the loudspeakers
AND IT SEEMS LIKE DEVIL HAS TAKEN THE LEAD, WITH KHULAN BEING SECOND AND NECRONS BEING IN THE THIRD PLACE

Rolled 46, 82, 16, 15, 27, 50 = 236 (6d100)

>>54841187
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil, +10
>Rolling on the performance on the seventh eight of the lap

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>54841187
>Necrons are trying to catch up and take the lead

>>54841212
>>54841240
THE VIPER TAKES THE LEAD, BEHIND HIM IS THE DEVIL AND RED STORM, THE NECRONS ARE LOOSING THEIR POSITION AND ARE FOURTH

Rolled 70, 90, 78, 32, 48, 39 = 357 (6d100)

>>54841356
>First roll for the Red Storm
>Second for Viper +10
>Third for Bull
>Fourth for Snake
>Fifth for Khulan
>Sixth for Devil
>Rolling on the performance before the finishing line

>after executing 22 men, he calls over the vox

if you dilly dallying assholes arnt here in 30 seconds in going to leave without you, we are abandoning this site, I repeat we are abandoning this site

>>54841494

>Sweating, falls in with the Commissar. Dragging several nameless Inept Guardsmen with him.

Rolled 98 (1d100)

>>54841356
Necrons are doing the last push towards the finishing line

>>54841528
hmm, good work conscript, you are being promoted to slightly compitant. good work

>20 seconds till executions

>>54841494
>walks towards the commissar, a big bucket of nachos and cheese under one arm

>>54841486
>>54841538
And the viper comes to the finishing line closely followed by the necrons

>>54841552

>Salutes with a grim look on his face.

>walks away from the track, dragging his fold up chair behind him

>>54841579
AAAAAND THE IMPERIUM WON THE RACE, TO BE PRECISE THE VIPER IS THE WINNER !
LET US APPLAUD TO HIM

>>54841569
WHAT THE EMPRA IS THIS?

>the commissar seems to be rather annoyed

I WILL BE CONFESCATING THIS

>they disappear behind his back....whats that crunching sound?

>10 seconds to executions

>>54837262
(Six hours late, is better than never getting one)
>He would raise a questioning brow to the hybrid, but would quickly nod his head.

Good work, Brutus.

>>54841634
>Goes inside the transport
>Calls ovet vox
Commissar, were ready to leave

>>54841486
>the sergeant had been watching the race with disintrest, having turned up too late to place bets
>he picks up his vox handset
Hello, artillery? I need Basilisk r-rounds on 386 by 325, stat. *cough* Yes it's a racetrack, don't ask. Over.
>a few minutes later, there is a whistling and a colossal boom as the racetrack goes up in flames, consuming any racers and necrons that didn't escape in time

>>54841634

>While the Commissar's busy confiscating confectioneries, berates several Guardsmen for fucking about.

>>54841648
captain we are leaving, lets go now

>the commissar hops into the nearest thunder hawk with a suit case

>executions on everyone who is not in a thunderhawk or near me

>the necron walks into a thunderhawk and slams his folding chair down, staring blankly into space.

>>54841648
*deeply disturbed by the captain pausing for 7 hours doing absolutely nothing before answering*

R-right....
I... go... do... that...
*flanked by a small army of child servitor traps, he takes the elevator and descends into the ancient tomb world*

>>54841691

>Running quickly in beside the Commissar, dragging several nameless Guardsmen with him before they are left behind.

>scratches his head
Well uhhhh... did we do whatever it was we came here for?

>>54841691
>dives in the flyer as the hatch closes
i made it!

>>54841796
>>54841747
>>54841716
>>54841775

>with most of the regiment back in space, the bombardment begins, no-one questions why there is a servitor there

>>54841740
>please roll 1d100

Rolled 96 (1d100)

>>54841809

>>54841775
>claps him on the shoulder while limping onto a thunderhawk
That's for the Mechanicus to worry about, man. Let's *wheeze* get the fuck outta h-here before they blow this planet.

>>54841833
Can't argue with that.


I'm hungry

Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>54841815
lucky ass

>as the door begins to open to the lower tomb world the bombardments shake open the bplanet destroying hundred of billions of tons of rock and life, the lucky fool survives this bombardment as the lift now floats through space and.......

Rolled 25 (1d100)

>>54841864

>>54841864
>lands in the eagles fury. wit ha rather unfortunate bump

>>54841923
he then suffered unfortunate radiation and trauma so infact needed augmetics to sustain his life. on the upside he gained the ability to twist his head 180* degrees .

>Stumbling out of the Thunderhawk, begins attempting to organize a number of nameless Guardsmen in the absence of so many officers.

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>54841962
*brutus would begin weaving a large sweater out of all of the unused plot threads*

>>54842094
*it was disappointing and shit*
*brutus marvelled at the similarities between material and product*

>>54842128
Hello honorable Brutus, how was your day?
>Hooded figure asks, with a massive, full bag of thrones in it's hands

>jumps onto an armchair that's in the hangar for some reason
So... uh... now what?

>>54842177
Brutus... mortally injured....
Also.... my hammer... can't smash... spaceships...

>Still attempting to organize the shitshow that is the mass of nameless, generic Guardsman, resorts to pointing his Las and giving stern looks.

>>54842196
>blood is seeping through the bandage around his shoulder
I dunno. I think I'm g-gonna find a doctor to fix my arm, though. Hopefully one that won't punch me out.
>he limps off towards the medical ward

>>54842215
Hmm you should see a medic honorable Brutus
Meanwhile
>Shows a bag of candy
I'll trade candy for your sweater
>>54842196
We assess the situation honorable scribe

>>54842196
We should..... find the... STC... we came for...

>>54842248
Alright
>looks around the hangar at the masses of dim guardsmen walking into each other and a gang of techpriests on their knees, crying over the loss of their holy vessel
Yeah, this kinda blows. I'm gonna poke around in the trash for a while

>>54842248
...
Seriously...
Fine...
*walks off to find the hospitalier*

>>54842293
Best of luck honorable scribe, I have thrones to count
>Goes to hos office, still carying the sack of thrones his size

File: 1498517200915.jpg (295KB, 900x1334px) Image search: [Google]

295KB, 900x1334px

Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>54842321
>The Hospitaller would be seated in her office. A cup of Recaff in her hand, as she reads over various reports.

>>54842465
>She would burn her tongue on it.

Ow! Tuh hawt! Tuh Hawt! Owie! Owie! Owie!

>Groaning, forcefully gathers a number of Guardsmen to help move the wounded to the Infirmary.

>Counts the thrones
392 845...wait...Hospitaller
>>54842465
>Knocks on the door
Hello honorable sister, I have a new set of tools for you, it should help you

>>54842505
ARE... YOU MEDICINE..?
I BLEED!

>>54842505
knock knock
I've bought the casualty figures mam.

>>54842526
Oh, fuck!

>>54842465
>he finally stumbles over to the ward, his face white and sickly
>right into the back of a very long queue
Ah, s-shit. Anyone got some, uh, blood?

>>54842528
>She would flash the man a warm smile.

Oh? Thank you sweetie. Just put them on the table please.

>>54842526
Why yes. Yes I am. And from the look of things, you need help.

>>54842525
Hmm?

>>54842598
Oh shit!

Gotta have to put this guys on the list.

>the necron drags his folding chair through the hangar, the chair making a loud screeching sound as the metal is dragged against the floor of the hangar, before setting it up in the mathematical center of the hangar

Rolled 18 (1d100)

>>54842526
>Several medicae would bring Brutus away, before a churergion would deal with him.

>>54842603
>Patience thin, orders several Guardsmen to help with the wounded in the ward.

>>54842598
>Frowning, drags Van Kleez to a nearby empty bed in the Ward.

>>54842598
>>54842643
>Illya would smile at the newbie, before speaking up.

Thank you, trooper. I'll take it from here.

>She would look down at van Kleez, before letting out a groan.

What did you do this time...?

>>54842603
Oh yes...the tools are used by the personal surgeons and doctors of many, wealthy planetary governors...and I gave them to you, yes.

>>54842641
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=noXAwLFTaGM
>The doctor would come out an hour and a half later.

We think it's a girl now?

>>54842643
H-Hey, thanks man. I'll be sure to put in *cough* a good word for you with the Com., yeah?

>>54842680
Uh, I got shot. You patched m-me up. Now it's bleeding.
>a trail of blood leads away from the bed, out of the ward and down the corridor

>>54842691
I... buy... cyberdong...

>Wanders about, coming across the Necron in the middle of the Hangar.

>Shrugging, he carries on ordering around a number of idle troopers.

>>54842739
...ehhh...Five sweaters honorable Brut...erm Brutette

>>54842761
*hands over 5 sweaters of equally shit quality*

>>54842786
Hmm...will go
>Takes sweaters
Here
>Gives cyber-dong

>>54842804
Yey...
Also do you have... a more smashy... hammer?

>>54842838
Hmm yes, but you'll only get it tomorrow honorable Brutus, it'll cost six barrels of high quality sweaters, yes.
You can get your name inscribed on it for an extra wheel of cheese, yes.

>>54842874
*picks up the tools the merchant just donated*
*gives them to him*
Take this... I found...

Rolled 76 (1d100)

>>54842728
>the bedsheets are now soaked with blood
>rolling for blood loss

>>54842911
>Hits with the newspaper
Bad Brutus, that's a gift for Honorable Illya...so we won't die because of her incompetence

>>54842941
>the man comes around a corner into the medbay, arms full of random junk
Oh shit, van Kleez my dude, you're like, leaking

Rolled 62 + 20 (1d100 + 20)

>>54842941
Oh, my valuable costumer is dying
>Does something on his tablet
>A drone flies out of his robes
>Drone: Prepare for procedure
>Roll for healing

Rolled 90 (1d100)

>>54842941
>She would let out a sigh, before giving him a injection to put him to sleep.
>She would quickly scrub up, before getting down to patching him up.
>Rolling.

>>54842959
*wanders upstairs to collect the belongings of the last inhabitant of the ships rafters*
*comes back with an armful of sponge pipes*

>>54842996
>After she was finished, she would have an orderly bring him to a bed, before going off and cleaning up.
>A short time later, the meds she had given van Kleez, would wear off, and she would just be coming out.

>>54843023
>Looks at the sponge pipes
I'm sorry but with the recent crash they'll ,at best, get you an all-purpose knife

>>54842996
>it took enough tranquilizer to knock out a medium-sized grox to put van Kleez under

>>54843041
>he lies in the bed, not quite sleeping, but more peaceful than he's looked for some time
>his breathing is steady

>>54843053
*hands him a male child servitor in a dress*

>>54843073
Hmmm...get me ten more of these and we have a deal, yes.

>>54843099
Do they... all have... to be... male?

>>54843071
>Bursts into the hospital room, a large briefcase under one arm and an armful of trash in the other, a pair of gold trimmed sunglasses on his face
VAN [deep inhale] KLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!

>>54843105
No

>>54843122
*lobs him 8 more and 6 sweaters*

>>54843108
Shit, musta used the good stuff on him
>the man pokes around the room, looking for anything useful, before sitting down in a chair and looking through his hoard of junk

>>54843071
>"Well... Atleast the idiot is sleeping.."

>>54843108
>The moment he did this, was the moment she would smack him upside the head, with a blunt object.

>>54843146
Hmm excellent
>Writes something in the tablet
You will have your order tomorrow, yes.
For now enjoy the bonus chocolate cookie for the first transaction, yes.

>>54843172
>the man screams loudly, throwing his big heavy briefcase in the direction of his attack

>>54843179
What... am I buying..?
What is... trains action?

>Being busy ordering around the Generic Guardsmen, again comes across the Necron.

>Mistaking it for a Servitor, slaps multiple Purity Seals on it after seeing none before.

>>54843215
You bought a...smashier hammer, with your name on it

>>54843225
>looks up at the guardsman, fixing his bowtie, before examining one of the seals with his hands

>>54843243
How... does it kill people...?
Why do they... die?
Why is it... better than...
Big Brutus...?

>>54843266

>Seemingly satisfied, wanders off to find wherever the TechPriests are whining about the lost STC.

>>54843293
...
>Gives pamphlet with "How do people die" written on it
>Gives pamphlet with "Hammers and you" writen on it
>Leaves

>>54843328
*calls over*
I can't... read..!

>>54843341
*sigh*
>Comes over
Okay...if you hit someone really, really hard, they go to sleep, from which they'll never wake up
And it's better because it's force generators intensity is 63% bigger...erm let's just say it's bigger than Big Brutus

>>54843392
Does it smash... spaceships?

>>54843497
It can smash a shuttle's wall, and interior walls of a spaceship

>>54843540
What about.. the big walls? What if... I hit them... very hard...?

>>54843555
If you hit them hard, and many times, they'll break

>>54843590
Yes.... this is good...
>>54843303
You... there...
Take this.... give it to... the robot people... but not the green ones...
*hands disk of all the files Brutus deleted while on the ark*

>>54843612

>Blinks in confusion, then after a moment of thought, goes to find wherever the Mechanicus are on the ship.

>Walks back to his office
>>54843266
>Seems the necron
...Errr
>Waves

File: IMG_0622.jpg (114KB, 600x1020px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 600x1020px

>>54843672
Sup

>>54843659
>the necron moves for the first time since boarding the ship, marching towards the conscript
>>54843672
>stares for what seems like hundreds of thousands of years, the piercing green eyes drilling into the very core of the hooded creature. The eyes hold a deep, powerful knowledge, that only 60 million years of maddening existence can grant a being
>he then waves back

>>54843710
My lord please put down the sister. The Sororitas are ornery as is.

>>54843713
>Scratches his head and continues going
What is he even doing here?

>>54843710
Cleanup on aisle 12, am I right fellas?
It smells weird in here now

>>54843748
No, look at this puddle she made.
I must carry her over it.

>>54843710
>Looks
...Hello
>Keeps going

>>54843713

>Blinking, eyes wide, he shoves the dataslate into the hands of a random Enginseer and sends him toward the Mechanicus Cult on the ship.

>Whistling innocently, powerwalks his way down a hallway towards the barracks.

>>54843854
>If the necron could display or remember what emotions were, he'd probably be platinum fucking mad right now
>but he can't, so he just goes back to his chair

>>54843813
*continues thrusting*

>>54844124
Ahh... ok then... I'm just gonna leave.
>the man speedwalks away from the spectacle unfolding in the hallway

>>54843930
Oh goodness gracious a necron
TELL ME EVERYTHING

>The Kasrkin would still sit on a crate, taking a drink from his flask

>>54847275
>The Hospitaller would be taking a well deserved break, after having spent the the past six hours, elbow deep in guardsmen guts.

>>54847657
>She would cast a questioning look towards the man.

I'm sorry?

>>54847941
I thought what you said was you elbowed me in my guts, my bad, shit

>>54847432
>I'd look to the Hospitaller taking a break, before cracking my neck
Tough day huh?

>>54848012
>She would flash the man a warm smile.

Indeed, Sergeant. I've been elbow deep in half dead guardsmen all day... Now that I finally have some time for myself, I just felt to tired tondo anything, but take a walk.

What about you?

>>54848165
I've just bee sittin' here drinkin', I suppose. Not much *to* do.

>>54848185
I have also had a *hard* day