That Guy

Not gonna lie, that sounds clever and hilarious. I'd allow it.

>>After a dramatic event in a town, the party scans the crowd
>>People quickly dispersing and going home, general fear
>>Happen to mention an opposed faction is present, in trying to represent the full town's shock
>>InstantLatchOn.exe triggered
>>Party insists that they must have been responsible
>>Not the GM to get in the way of their experience, so roll with it and come up with ways to make it fun
>>The men they follow get mugged by yet ANOTHER faction in an alley
>>Supposed to be a good thing, hello friendos
>>Nope
>>How dare you kill members of Faction A that's been killing members of our faction B, faction C!
>>Men simply tell them to fuck off, not their business
>>Cue Thatguy MY HONOR IS INSULTED I NEVER BACK DOWN WHEN AN NPC TREATS ME SLIGHTLY RUDE
>>Natural fight ensues
>>Trying to really move this along, a LOT is developing around the party that they REALLT want to get to, this is the giant final event sequence
>>They're fighting common Thug's in an alley, who they can one shot.
>>Let them know they're in a tight, cramped location. In the effort to keep things rules-lite, let's forgo making a combat grid, and just state our attacks.
>>Everybody appreciates it and rolls with it. "I attack assailant 1-3 with my sword", having a lot of fun in an alleyway cuff brawl.
>>Wow 22 damage? Boom. Dead, next.
>>ThatGuy's turn
>>"So where are they all standing in relation to me?"
>>"everyone is in a tight cramped alley brawling, assume you can hit anyone you desire"
>>"okay but can we make a combat grid please so I have a visual and we can strategize?"
>>Tell again, both in character and out, why we aren't doing that.
>>"okay but can we have a combat grid so I can see? I'd like to use a thunder wave"
>>rest of party wants to move on, realizing now from my descriptions MUCH more is happening outside their alley and this petty fight
>>"any AOE spell you use right now is also going to hit the party. Seriously dude, just use ice knife and one shot them"

>>"okay but if this guy is in reach of me, and this guy is too, that means this party member should be catty-corner, so logically if I aimed the spell two squares right, then I would only hit one party member..."
>>"okay mate, not a smart plan. I told you why"
>>party groaning, dude, were one-shotting them, they won't even get a second turn, just ice knife
>>"Nah, I can end this now, I cast 4th level thunderwave"
>>is genuinely amazed when the entire party is hit, the rogue is knocked unconscious, argues that I hadn't fully painted the scene properly
>>on the bright side, he killed he thugs
>>time to move on
>>nope
>>Loot.exe Activated
>>Spends the next 5 minutes arguing about the length of investigation checks, and the time of donning-doffing armor on corpses.
>>K

>>54766295
You generally don't make saves against helpful spells anyway. You can if you really want to, but it's counterproductive most of the time since most people wouldn't mind an increase to their modifiers, health, etc. (In Pathfinder, you could resist a healing spell cast on you while you're in the positive energy plane to avoid exploding, as an example.)
However, in D&D spells are very obvious. They're visible, audible if the spell has a verbal component, and while I can't recall any text that specifically supports this next claim, the NPC should be able to tell that he himself is being targeted by the spell.
If he doesn't suspect anything based on the fact that he's being targeted with a spell, sure, he probably wouldn't be attempting to resist it until it's far too late, but otherwise he will be able to attempt that save.

>>54766295
That's hilarious

>>54767156
>>54767275
At that point, I would have just narrarated his character as standing around carefully trying to measure angles and skipped his turn.

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>>54767156
>>54767275
I don't want to be that guy, but Ice knife explodes and hits all targets nearby, so he would hit his allies

We learned this after session ;_;

I think it was a little victory for him, like "AHA! See! I would have hit them anyway!"

To which our response was "so you couldn't have just used one of your other 7 single-target spells...?"

>wants to contribute as much as the wizard even though he's an unarmed and unarmored character who punches

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"That guy" for me is invariably anyone who takes the aphorism "no idea the DM comes up with survives first contact with the party" as less of a saying and more of a right/challenge.

I in no way railroad and enjoy having my expectations subverted as much as the next person, but if someone is actively trying to fuck with a DM's plans because "lol that's how the game is played" then that always rings alarm bells for me.

>>54767125
Too abusable though.

>Go up to the king
>Hey would you like me to make you a pile of gold?
>Sure
>*Polymorphs king into a pile of gold*

>Use gold to go open up a restaurant
>Would you like me to make you a sandwich?
>Sure
>*Polymorphed into a sandwich*

>Goes home to enjoy his sandwich
>Gets a visitor
>Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?
>Sure
>*Polymorphed into a cup of tea*

>>54766295
>wizard
>using loopholes
>not warlock
A shame, whats the point of contract magic then?

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>>54766295
i actually laughed irl, good job anon

>>54767156
>>>Cue Thatguy MY HONOR IS INSULTED I NEVER BACK DOWN WHEN AN NPC TREATS ME SLIGHTLY RUDE

You're giving me Vietnam-style flashbacks here Anon.

>>54766295
>playing furry game
>Adventuring murderhobo sorts escorting this one kid who has weird magical powers.
>Got shanghaied into this because he pulled us out of a tavern we were in that burned to the ground, healed us up.
>Being tracked by his enemies, who always seem to be able to find him no matter what we do to run or hide or cover our tracks.
>One of them comes equipped with these magical manacles that suppress magical power of people that put them on.
>Leading theory is that kid, who has magical abilities that are not the norm for the setting, is being traced through his emanations somehow.
>So after we kill Bounty Hunter # whatever, let's try putting his manacles on the kid, see if that can keep him under the radar.
>GM looks thoughtful for a moment, and then announces we all died.
>See, the "twist" of the campaign is that our characters weren't hurt and healed in the initial fire, we all died and were resurrected, which apparently keeps us magically linked to the resurrector to keep us going.
>Cutting the magical link with the shackles means none of our characters can keep going.
>There was no inkling of this at all at this point, and it was supposed to be a "mystery that you guys would be solving once you got to immediate safety".
>GM saw absolutely no problem with this and the closest thing he could come to an apology was 'better luck next time'.

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>>54766295
I wouldn't even be mad.

I mean, I wouldn't allow it again, but just this once? Sure.

>>54770721
Furries being socially inept and uncreative? I don't believe it.

>>54767433
>Casters can change the world through magic, that's why they should be cooler than a guy who swings a phallic object to make other guys who swing phallic objects go sleep sleep time
The fucking nerve, amirite?

>running a DnD 5e game
>one of the players is playing a literal rapist
>his backstory is that a political figure hates him because the character raped him
>play for several months, character always raping his downed enemies
>character wants to ultimately become a god
>the party finally gets their chance for godhood but are betrayed by a demon that steals it from them
>they decide to go find him and kick us ass
>I tell them it will take years of planar travel to get to him once they've tracked his location, but they can figure a way to speed things up
>group captures dozens of peasants and forces them to work a farm for the next 20 years, making them interbreed
>claim it's because they don't want to spend money on supplies for their journey even though they can generate food and water
>I'm incredibly confused as to what is happening
>they finally reveal that guy had an idea to secretly raise a retard army to go kill the enemy god
>they finally reach him
>after an epic battle he is subdued and raped
>asks to steal his Divine power
>claims he wants to be the god of virtuous good

>>54775299
You brought this on yourself, anon.

>>54775299
>retard army
>rapist becomes lawful good god

I'd be ok with this.

>>54775299
>he saves more than he rapes

>>54775299
just sic Gaston on him

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>>54775299
Ugh, fuck. One of the guys I work with caught on that I play/DM 5e and he started talking about some of his group's exploits. Everything he does in character is some sort of extreme sex act. At one point he "had" to rape another player nightly just to stay alive because of some curse or something set upon him by some other act of debauchery he did.

I don't talk to him about DnD anymore.

>>54775299
>>running a DnD 5e game
>>one of the players is playing a literal rapist
>>his backstory is that a political figure hates him because the character raped him
Why would you approve this?

>>54766295
>Player consistently complains about me playing a Mary Sue because I rolled up a drow who wasn't evil
>and then he unironically rolls an atheist bird-man from the plane of air.

>>54775299
>takes 20 years
DM fiat, as his character ages he gradually falls victim to erectile disfunction

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>>54778161
i'm gonna need some elaboration on that

>>54775299
Gotta admit, the sheer audacity of wanting to be a Lawful Good God after raping dozens (hundreds?!??) of beings makes me laugh.

>>54778270
>Session one
>Half of us made our characters in advance, two players roll characters just as the session's getting started.
>I made a Drow who found a sacred shrine to Silune while exploring some of the tunnel she near the surface.
>Upon reading some scriptures she began to feel a connection to Silune that she never felt to Lolth, and made the decision to leave the Underdark and to bring Silune's light to the dark places of the surface world.
>That Guy (one of the players who just joined) says I'm basically playing Drizzt and I'm a Mary Sue.
>"Okay then, what are you playing?"
>"I'm a bird man from the plane of air who belongs to a secret society of bird men that wants to bring more bird men to this plane."
>Wat?
>"You're more of a Mary Sue than I am."
>"Nah, dude. My guy's a man so he can't be a Mary Sue."

>Halfway through first session.
>One player decides to beat up street thugs.
>I heal a party member when he goes down (with holy magic), use. more holy magic to shield an ally, and yet more to smite a foe.
>That Guy talks to us after the fight, "you know that the gods don't interfere in the mortal plane, right? You're just a wizard who thinks she's a cleric."
>"You just saw fucking holy magic in action!"
>"That doesn't prove anything."

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>>54778401
>Nah, dude. My guy's a man so he can't be a Mary Sue.
this is even better than that guy who dealt with the rapist PC by having Gaston show up and counter-rape every time he tried it

>>54778423
never read that one anon
do you have a screenshot?

>>54778546
it's around halfway through the Stories thread that's still up

>>54766295
The NPC can withdraw his consent at any time, shitlord.

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>>54778546
If he goes invisible, start preparing him for use.

>>54777639
No oooooone...

Rapes like Gaston

>>54778810
the problem with that is that there's no good -apes verb to continue the song, and we're just left imagining Gaston either imitating Goatse, standing in a cloud of apple-scented fog, or with an old camcorder depending on gapes/tapes/vapes.

>>54770721
Really if you have mage stopping manacles, you should quit. Im a martial fag and have never seen mage manacles not be used for the worst sort of plots.

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>>54778866
>Mage stopping manacles
these are only necessary for idiots who don't bring ropes, finger cuffs and gags on wizard hunts
sometimes they even get used to stop them casting

>>54778933
I just always remeber them as means to make the entire party get captured. You wake up with them on and all your abilities are hindered, now fight your way out with no gear or wait for too long as I spring my super special donut steel npc on you for rescue.

>>54766295
polymorph can't change people into objects though

>>54778994
But an intelligent sword is an entity, not an object.

>>54779011
Not according to the rules it isn't.

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Not entirely "That Guy" since I think my GM runs a pretty good campaign overall, but a gripe I've had for a while. Our GM has a hard-on for handing out incredibly powerful magical items that we can't actually use because the drawbacks to using them are so ludicrously severe that we'd have to be evil or stupid to try.

Over the course of three different campaigns, we've had:
>A ring of spell storing that bethrothes you to a princess in another dimension the first time you put it on and her increasingly powerful envoys show up to try to kidnap you whenever you use it
>A scrying pool, but you need to cut out your eye with a knife and throw it in the water to use it. The eye is dissolved and you don't get it back
>A puzzle cube that acts as a bag of holding. It is also prison to one of the setting's demon princes. Every time it's used, a 1D100 is rolled, and on a 100 the demon prince goes free. This number drops by one every time we use it.
>A +2 sword that causes the souls of the people you kill with it to attack your camp at night
>A book that gives you advantage on every knowledge check but hastens the extinction of the elven race ever time a page is turned
>A crown that reveals the best path to your greatest desires but puts an irrevocable ten-day death timer on your character
>A magic coin that, when flipped, summons a powerful and loyal elemental on heads and a cataclysmic storm in the middle of the nearest settlement on tails

I'm not sure what he gets out of it, and I'm especially not sure why he's always confused as to why we end up never using his "cool magical artifacts" after we figure out what they do.

>>54779086
okay, that first one is bloody hilarious.
second one, I kind of like for an emergency.
third one's great
fourth could be a laugh
...I'm not seeing a downside with the fifth
again, sixth, good for an emergency, 'save the world' style stuff
...also hilarious.

>>54767156
>HONOR INSULTED that guy
Every group has one of them

>>54779086
Those are absolutely hilarious. What next? A wand that imbues you with a nice, pleasant scent of jasmine for a day in exchange for the release of an eldritch plague entity from beyond the veil? I can't help but imagine the kind of wizard that comes up with this shit.

The coin sounds useful if you use it near an enemy city, at least.

>>54779086
those are bad rewards if he thinks they're rewards, but great creative campaign hooks if they're "extra".
#5 is also pretty vague, are we talking "I identified that this is a manticore and not a sphinx, and now Rivendell is under siege" or is it cigarette-style where a passing check here and there means around the time it takes to burn less of filling diapers but the real risk is dependence for all situations and steadily whittling a day per week off?

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>>54779086
>A book that gives you advantage on every knowledge check but hastens the extinction of the elven race ever time a page is turned

>>54779086
These are hilarious, I'd much rather this than the shit I'm currently dealing with

>playing a 5e post-apoc no magic game
>not as bad as it seems, we're 3 barbs and a monk trying to tard-wrangle them
>first session goes well
>the plot is we're trying to find the last remaining magic items in a no-man's land
>second session a barb finds a +2 sword that can cast a bunch of ice spells including sleet storm and summon an elemental
>third session is mostly us finding a similar magic greatsword

The rest of the campaign is just going to be who gets their shonen power up of the week so they can feel half as relevant as the guy with the sword

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>>54778669
Holy shit, this is the best solution to this problem I've ever seen. Gotta remember that.

>>54778669
I've never had this problem in my groups, but hot damn do I have a silver bullet for if it happens now.

>>54778842
>no one rapes like Gaston
>then escapes like Gaston
>no one fucks you 'till your asshole gapes like Gaston

>>54778842
go apologize to your English teacher and get a thesaurus.
>no one rapes like Gaston
>tosses japes like Gaston
>fills up crepes like Gaston
>stomps grapes into finest French wine like Gaston

>>54779086
>Haha, man, don't put your fetish into the game.
>What the hell is wrong with you? Why would anyone ever use this item except if their life is in danger?
>itsaysrighthereyouarestupid.book
>are you an idiot?
>This is positively hilarious, not even mad
>Why do I still play with you?
>I'm done, see you never

>>54779804
Little nitpick, but in the double lines, the rhyme has to be in the second half. So it'd be "makes the finest French wine out of grapes like Gaston."

>>54770721
Why would he be That Guy? You just done fucked up.

>Party is teifling alchemist, Orc bezerker, a naga rogue, a cleric and me, a Paladin
>So they walk down the stairs, and the lobby is right around the corner
>Rogue hears something
>someone creeping up the stairs behind them
>giant cultist cube out for our souls
>Run from the murder cube
>Nobody says shit about the cleric
>He also didn't get the hint
>Rogue just shrugs at me
>DM gives me a weird look
>NEar total party wipe, due to bad rolls. My Paladin is only one left, and on low health.
>Everyone else is bleeding out
>BBEG "Stand down, stop fighting me, and I shall let you live. Join with me, and serve me, and I shall bring back your beloved, gifted with life so she never has to leave you again."
>The rest of the players are silent
>Deal with glares
>Phew
>The dick-ass DM ain't having any of that
>I look at him
>I calmly point his "mistake"
>he becomes visibly upset, draws attention from everyone else
>Won't show it to anyone due to it being shiny.
>silence in the room
>spots the squishy members of the party
>Cleric puts up shields to defend them
>Mishap temporarily averted.
>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
>Cleric opens a door
>Call bullshit
>DM claims the cleric cast the spell
>Call bullshit on that
>DM's face is anus-red

>>54781843
Pasta, aged like fine wine and prepared by a master chef.

>>54781843
what?

>>54779791
>when I fuck someone's ass it's EXCRUCIATING
>my what a guy! Gas-tonnnn!

>>54770600
I'd let it slide the first time but never let any other npc agree to it.

>>54766295
>he agrees to it
>means he wants the LOLOLOL interpretation of his words
Eh, I'd give a -2 on the Will save but he'd still get one. That joke is honestly old as fuck, but even if it weren't I'm not gonna do this "lol no save because you said an epik thing" shit, I hate when GMs do that.

>>54781843
Good old neural-network generated that guy stories.

>>54778161
So he's a furry apologist?

>>54779086
This reminds me of the worst magic item to come up in a game I played in. A coin, that can be flipped whenever something bad is about to happen to its bearer. On a heads, that thing doesn't happen. On a tails, it happens to the whole party.

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>>54783180
Give it to the Lawful Evil character for hilarity.

"You stole the king's crown, pay for your crimes!"
One coinflip later.
"That group of assholes stole the king's crown! Hang them in the town square!"

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>>54775299
You sound like you share your player's fetish.

>>54779086
The ring of marriage and sword of spirits would be great for a long term game. As long as the negative effects are subtle and spread out, the parties would be hard pressed to make the connection.

>>54783821
I was literally the only one in the group that cared about the rape, so I just let it happen. They all cheered him on every time.

>>54779086
Love it. Your DM is great.

>>54784588
Your entire group needs a visit from Gaston.

>>54784763
Not gonna lie, that would have solved some of my problems.

>>54778994
NPC was an attractive woman

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>>54775299

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>>54775299
>Run rape Auschwitz
>"I wanna be a good god!"

Holy fucking shit, what? How did it even get this far? How did no one at that table once bring up how fucking dumb all of it was?

Were you all playing FATAL or some shit?

>>54781542
the entire setup is stupid. if the kid dies, they die. if the kid has his magic blocked, they die. do they die if he's knocked unconscious? do they die if he's asleep?
the reaction is even stupider. his players made a reasonable deduction and went to test it. as a DM you should be rewarding players for using their heads, not punishing them with "rocks fall."

>>54781843

Make your own, faggot.

>>54779086
>I'm not sure what he gets out of it, and I'm especially not sure why he's always confused as to why we end up never using his "cool magical artifacts" after we figure out what they do.
this is my favourite part by far
if he were just messing with you it'd be amazing, but the idea that he genuinely thinks these are good items and can't understand why you wouldn't want to use them is too much

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>>54778669
>starts to look up her beadclothes
>barely recognize the face of Gaston staring back in the darkness

>>54775299
>>54787672
This, tell us about the other players. What were they doing while this was going on

>>54788517
Basically encouraging him and cheering him on. They thought it was hilarious. Very rarely it kind of was, but the ending just baffled me. He wasn't the one to propose the retard farm to be, another player did under the idea that they were growing supplies for their long journey. Then they all revealed it was his idea.

>>54770495
>Do you want to play a vs game?
>One side is playing one mortal
>The other is the omnipotent god of the world

Seriously a vs game kinda depends on the premise that both sides have a chance of winning.
In pretty much any RPG the GM can kill them any second he wishes.
Ask them if they really want to play with those odds.

>>54788889
If everyone had fun then I guess it sort of went okay

>>54789258
Everyone but me. He threw a fit when I wouldn't let him be a god of justice, and then threw an even bigger fit when he realized other gods still existed and he wasn't god with a capital G.

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>>54789452
Sounds less like everyone was doing it to have a good time and more like this dude is on the other side of "Special" and they just didn't want to put up with the bullshit.

>>54767376
You're never being that guy by stating the truth.

>>54777717
Why wouldn't you? You don't have a problem with murder. Why would you have a problem with the lesser crime of rape?

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>>54789536
Oh boy, now we get to have THIS discussion. Again.

>>54777525
But he does rape

>>54789536
Actually, as a GM I would have a problem with a serial killer backstory unless he was on the redemption path or something. And yeah no, serial rapist is just as bad if not worse.

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>>54779174

>>54789536
I do have a problem with murder though.

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>>54778669
>DMPC is a level 20 rogue/10 rapist prestige class

My fucking sides

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>>54779086
>A book that gives you advantage on every knowledge check but hastens the extinction of the elven race ever time a page is turned

And this is a bad thing?

>>54779086
>>A crown that reveals the best path to your greatest desires but puts an irrevocable ten-day death timer on your character

This is like, a whole fucking adventure waiting to happen. My greatest desire is the scepter of immortality.

Boom, Big Bad has the crown but not the scepter and is thus trying to find it. He hasnt used the crown yet and the adventuring party fucking prays he doesn't until they can find the scepter first. If it is found out the party is looking for the scepter, big bad very well may use the crown or some shit.

>>54770721

Where can I find a furry game?

>>54775299
This is so unbelievably stupid it almost loops back to being funny. Your fault for even allowing that awful backstory

>>54781542
>killing off characters but not telling the players
>not even any hints as to what's happened
>no instead the players keep building and keep growing their characters despite the fact that all the shit in >>54788088 could kill them at the drop of a hat

It's a pretty dumb plot device.

>>54792029
And it even has an extremely simple solution.
>As soon as you snap the cuffs into place, you all feels yourselves beginning to fade out of existence

>>54775299
>claims he wants to be the god of virtuous good
I wouldn't allow this outright, but it's an interesting direction to take things.
Because of his actions leading up to this point, he instead becomes the god of disproportionate retribution and warped justice.
Less concerned with the idea of getting justice and more with the idea of getting revenge, as one would see from the repeated rapes rather than just putting people to the sword.
Raping those who make attempts on his life, spending 20 years to birth an army of inbred slaves to defeat and then personally rape a demon who had stolen from him, things like that.
Mass rapes are most certainly Chaotic and Evil, and there doesn't seem like there's a Good bone inside him.

If the rest of the party decides they're fine with being allied with a Chaotic Evil god, then this is now an Evil campaign. If he continues to promote the idea of rape being a virtuous good, he will make enemies out of actual Good deities, and his relationship with other Evil deities might be a bit complicated. ("No, you guys, I'm nothing like you! I'm Good!")

>>54781843
>naga rogue
>walking down the stairs
waitasecond this story DOESN'T ADD UP

>>54778669
That was a strange read the first time. It hasn't gotten less strange or darkly amusing.

>>54792232
>this is now an Evil campaign
>this is now
>NOW

>>54789658
>rape is as bad as murder
lol

>>54767156
>>54767275
Jesus Christ. Just let the BIG EVIL THING win at that point just to fuck this guy in particular.

>>54792232
Would Chaotic Evil deities get along that well with other Evil deities anyways?

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>>54779791
>>54782219
Fucking gold

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>D&D 5E gritty realism, I'm GM'ing
>starting a new game and want to try something different
>players go on their adventure but experience zero combat encounters while traveling
>zero combat encounters in cities too
>basically the world's level of danger is close enough to reality that players only find fights if they start them
>with so little actual combat over the weeks players are leveling slow
>enter gimmick
>players finally come across a shrine to an unknown god out in wilderness
>it's filled with riches, they obviously steal everything they can get their hands on
>lack of loot from battle has left their pockets empty
>after they leave a voice echoes "your hearts full of greed, now yours will be a life of constant strife"
>D&D encounters ENGAGED
>suddenly a regular amount of hostile creatures/npc's/monsters seem like the world is actively trying to kill the party
>players are unable to find the temple and return what they stole

Will it work?

>>54778324
Considering that he created an inbred army over the course of 20 years out of a pool of kidnapped peasants, I'd venture to guess he's responsible for thousands if not tens of thousands of rapes.

>>54788249
>not even enough time to scream

>>54766295
>break from prison chains at start of campaign with a good roll
>ask DM if I can equip the broken shackle as a throw-able
>entire DND table turns into a shit fest

>>54777664
>At one point he "had" to rape another player nightly
>player
Anon, I...

>>54778933
>ropes, finger cuffs and gags
These are only necessary for idiots who don't bering a hatchet on wizard hunts.
can't cast spells if you don't have hands

>>54793338
You're assuming murderhobos would care about the moral aspect.

>>54791819
F-list, dum dum.

>>54793338
you're just giving them the sweet sweet experience and combat that they desired in the first place

>>54793412
still spell

>>54779240
I chuckled

>>54778669
Noooo oooonne...
Fucks like Gaston~
No one sucks like Gaston~
No one shucks those unshakeable cucks like Gaston~

>entire party belongs to an easily recognizable ethnic group that are treated as a single entity by most governments
>they are meeting up with a friend in a city while trying to keep a low profile
>ninjas burst from the vents and kill old friend before he can reveal who the big bad is
>building catches fire, party runs outside, police are gathering due to the explosion
>That Guy KO's one of the ninjas and starts dragging him with
>the whole party except for That Guy run away from the burning building (that guy is still fucking around with the KO'd ninja)
>the police see a group 'those people' running away from a building that was just bombed, they peruse

Now at this point in time, the party was not in trouble with the law, they were just fleeing and it was suspicious
UNTIL

>That Guy runs out of the building carrying this ninja
>the rest of the party is hauling the utmost ass down the street but That Guy has low STR and can't srpint while carrying the ninja
>police are gaining on That Guy
>He's adamant about bringing this fucking ninja with them
>whole party is yelling at him to just drop the guy
>That Guy keeps jabbering about keeping the ninja, like a pet, feeding him, and eventually asking to let him join his clan
>btw ThatGuy already murdered the ninja's friends in front of him
>the police finally catch up to this slow motherfucker while the party tries to distance themselves
>ThatGuy realizes he will not be able to escape from the police with this unconscious ninja
>throws the ninja on the ground and literally curb stomps his skull in front of the police before running to join the party
>whole party is now wanted for murder because of That Guy
>party just manages to escape, then promptly loses their shit
>whole party: "Anon, what the Fuck."
>That Guy: "I wanted to keep him."

>nerd side of family playing DND
>younger cousin is taking it all too seriously
>equips every item, even if it's worse than what he has
>equips bucket as helmet
>0 armor rating
>later, finds a gem that adds +2 to any armor it's attached to
>Uncle DM says don't you fucking dare
>+2 bucket helmet

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>>54789536

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>>54770600
>They turned the king to gold! Execute them!!!

>Other adventurers break into haunted sandwich shop
>demanding some random missing kids
>Believe evil chef took them for sandwich meat

>Visitor is higher level mage
>Mad you been morphin
>Polymorphs you into a kettle
>Que lame kettle pot jokes

>>54793338
That sounds like a thoroughly boring experience turning rapidly into an incredibly frustrating one, in a way that will make your players feel like you've tricked them.

So... no, I'd say it wouldn't.

>>54793725
Functional bucket helmet is a total win.

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>>54793725
That's pretty good though. People would think you're a peasant but your bucket helmet could deflect their +1 weapons.

>>54792102
Or, you know, the kid being probably aware of what's going on and their situation and not wanting to lose his bodyguard squad so he fesses up.

>>54779791
When I was a lad I took four dozen blues
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I take five dozen blues
So My cock is the size of a barge!

>>54793338
>dnd
>gritty realism
Hahahahahahahahahaha

>>54779086
I get that it must be a little frustrating to get things you feel you can't justify actually using but honestly I'm impressed with these as particularly awesome ideas.