Mages Guild: Open House Week Edition

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>>54718970
Wait, a whole WEEK?

Why did no one tell us it was an entire week? A few hours we can handle, seven days is...
Ugh. I'm going to need more rocks.

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As if lack of people flowing through was a problem. This place is already more porous than a sponge.

>>54718970
If anyone wants to talk about the Oozemancy Department or the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island, I am standing in for my brother for this meeting.
>Jake is a white human with black hair trimmed to give a look of horns (like wolverine's hair?) and he has a goatee that has the beard part end in a point
>His eyes shift between blue and green
>He wears a dark navy suit with a dark green collared shirt underneath
>He wears a black tie with gold skull embroidery and his shoes are a simple sleek black

I can just tell this will be a disaster.
>He mutters under his breath

>>54718970
You do know that the Magical Girls Department recently got hit by a massive ballista bolt from the Fighter's guild, right?

Ok, Ok. Lets see here.
The Archwizard has given in to some of the healer's demands from the strike last meeting, just gonna read them out.

You will now actually be paid overtime, shocking, I know.
Funding will be increased, however at a rate of 7% year-over-year, rather than 10%.
Your department will be upgraded to meet current age standards, some of us have already started work on that.

Sadly, A written guarantee of shared loot percentages, the Necromancy department moratorium, and an actual written apology could not be asked of him. But, uh ,hey. You get more pay, right?

Any questions?

>>54719135
I have nothing to do with the Necromancy Department, I'll make that clear right off the bat so no confusion can be made.

>>54719116
Quin? That sort of thing happens to her with frightening regularity. I wouldn't worry about it.

I have to go lock down the Hall of Portals. I don't want to spend the next week fishing thieves out of whatever plane they've stranded themselves on.

>>54719100
And how many ritualism students are there right now? Two?

>>54719116
Mort, did you REALLY need to bring that up now? We're trying to put on a POSITIVE impression of the guild.

And thanks for reminding me that I have to rebuilds those walls.

>>54719194
That was not our fault in any way and everyone who was injured was up and walking within hours. It definitely reflects positively on the guild that we were able to recover from such a catastrophe so quickly.

>>54719116
so that's where it hit!

>>54719135
did you even try to get an apology?

>>54719194
It's a careful study that requires long practice and care! It's better if fewer people are learning it well then a lot of people poorly. And I'm also supposed to teach a class there but I've already got way too many things piling up on my schedule.

>>54719185
Alright, Noted. Though that leaves me a tad confused.

>>54719312
Well, after the Bureaumancers read out the demands to him, he supposedly found this all rather humorous and stated that the strike was unnecessary, as there is a suggestion box outside his door that hasn't been used in three decades.

>>54719248
Or even better to not make a big deal of it.

>>54719314
Right then.

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Just do be careful about where you wander.

>>54719375
...I think it's three.
>>54719377
It's not us I'm worried about. It's some random fighter opening a Tome of Forbidden Knowledge and letting something loose on all of us.

Ok there are like 15 paladins snooping around my lab can someone come and get them away before they undo 50 years of work in 5 seconds.

>>54719368
I am no longer part of the guild technically as the Ectomancy Sub-Department no longer exists to my knowledge.
I am here on behalf of the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island and my brother Gluglobul, who is head of the Oozemancy Department.
He sends his apologies that he cannot be here for the meeting.

>>54719314
Can't that be said of all magics, Allard?

>>54719368
huh, I wonder if that because of the deadly traps that he has set up around it. which we also have to end up healing.

>>54719436

True, though there is an argument to be made about most of those in the guild doing the same thing.

>>54719458
It can be said of some more than others. Illusion is less inherently dangerous. Ritualism taps into power far beyond the caster's own, magnifying the risk along with the result.
>>54719499
But they signed up for it knowing... Assuming that people here would have a faint idea of what they were doing.

>>54719436
...alright, point taken. And guessing your wife is doing much the same.

>>54719499
Good evening Ellen.

>>54719451
just run a distraction outside of the lab then lock your door. I suggest something with small children or dogs.

>>54719526
Right, but it is the better magic for those that are inherently weak at performing other kinds of magic.
I use it myself a lot.

>>54719526
Assuming most people here know what they're doing is a potentially lethal assumption.

>>54719538
Hello, Sam. How are you?

>>54719546
All I have is 3 skeletons and 2 and a half zombies and I need all of them. Although I do have floating screeching skull that I use as decoration that could be work. Anyone from evocations want to set it on fire to add a little more kick?

>>54719604
Ohh paladins you say? where?

>>54719636
Necromancy department 8th lab in the eastern hall. They came following some Druids that I'm comparing notes on a theory I had about the moon.

>>54719580
Oh good, Ellen, I'm not the only ghost in this meeting then.
>>54719693
Druids are a bad Omen, It usually means we're about to get another Treant attack, they like to plant them in the guild quad.

>>54719546
You shouldn't be here.

>>54719835
it's a guild meeting
>she says it slowly as if talking to a dimwitted child

>>54719830

Oh hi. I am indeed here. Someone has to represent whatever it is I'm supposed to represent.

>>54719861
I mean the potion definitely should have stoped you, were you hit by it?

>>54719580
For one, a little annoyed that the Archwizard sprung this on us. A week is a much taller order than I think any of us expected.

>>54719830
These guys are fine they are specialists on transformation and they are helping me test the effects of Lycanthropy on skeletons. So far results have been...messy we for some reason when the bones don't have skin to guide them the change can be erratic at best and at worst they look like they came from the dark tapestry.

>Jake looks around and frowns
Are all meetings this disorderly?
I've only ever shown up for parties.

>>54719898
yup. shattered right in my face. it hurt. took me about 3 minutes to cure the effects. then another minute to wait for your bimbo to turn her back to grab a book and wham. lights out for her.

>>54719910

Is it? I never know. However, that does seem like a lot of time for outsiders to roam the halls. Perhaps we should put a sign by the necromancers guild. Maybe the archwizard intends to display the guild as a working piece rather than one prepared to show it off.

>>54719945
It's more or less an open forum, yes.

>>54719864
Well, at this point I suppose you represent the fifth floor. Going to offer any tours?
>>54719910
I'm surprised they kept this tradition around. It was a pain in the ass when I was alive, and it still seems to be now.
>>54719927
Ouch. That's odd. Although I've never met a Lycan,l have you tried examining a skeleton that died while already transformed?

>>54719957
There is no way that's even possible, do you know what was in that potion?

>>54719961
Right...
Hm, have we met before? I haven't visited the Mages Guild since the Ectomancy Sub-Department was shut down.

>>54719963
Yes I have but my master wants me to find a way to turn regular skeletons into them transformed Lycan skeletons are few and far between but they are really useful. Don't try to make them sentient though we lost an entire tower last time we tried that.

>>54719973
lets see there was the paralyzing agent, the mana ravaging agent, the mana regen inhibitor, and mint for flavor. did I miss anything?

>>54719995
Ahhh. Right. Ol Lazarus didn't tell you either.
The Ectomancers are now in a secret door in the Necromancy department. I wish I was kidding.

>>54719963
Hrm. I suppose the ghost is the best representation of the fifth floor. If it's not one thing it's another, up there.

>>54719995
I do not believe so. I am Ellen.

>>54719963
oh hey its you. man why'd you run off i was thiiiiis close to gaining insight into the next circle of spells before you ran.

>>54720029
Yes you did, the most important ingredient.
>that's a remarkably good summary of the potion

>>54720047
Oh so they still exist as a separate entity?
Or are they still considered Necromancers for Department purposes?

>>54719961
...Now there's a thought that'll fester.

>>54719963
Never doubt a wizard's ability to not change things, Sena.

>>54720069
the deadly neurotoxin that the mint was covering up?

>>54720109
At a nonlethal dose, yes.

>>54720013
Sentient zombies are bad enough, yikes. Though I have to ask, why does he want them, for the theme of it? I presumed it was the crazy muscle growth that made Lycans so strong.
>>54720053
Well I'd haunt it more often if I had the time myself. How's the vent problem?
>>54720063
You cast Turn undead on me! I don't even know why that works. I'm fully dead. It's crap. But it scared the hells out of me.
>>54720084
"A Sub-Department of Necromancy". It's literally inscribed under the hidden door. Lazarus won.
>>54720093
I mean, what's this supposed to accomplish anyway? All it does is turn us into a fairground attraction for people to gawk at.

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>A rift deposits Selevyn on his calcified keister with a loud CLACK. Vaguely visible through the rift is what looks like a bunch of dirt and rubble.
Ffffucking weaponised black holes.
Welp, glad to be back with my favorite guild of magical maniacs. Ooh, and just in time for the open house!
Brought some gifts back from that Earth place.
>Reaches into his Handy Haversack
Lessee here, Geomancy, got some neat core samples of various new rocks from over there
A couple a hip flasks for the planar enforcers. few bones and molds from various creatures for Necro and Ooze depts. Alchemy, brought this textbook regarding that world's chemistry, and a heavily warded sample of Chlorine Trifluoride. Maintenance, got a bottle of this stuff that uses something called "oxi" to get tough stains out. Medicaster, got a text on internal medicine, might be worth a look.

>>54720128
The and they are more fierce in battle than the average skeleton. And sentient zombies are a mess, although what can you expect zombies are useless in general. Now sentient skeletons like myself are much better at their jobs.

>>54720128
no your body IS dead. You DIED. You ARE undead.

>>54720140
>Mervyn falls down onto his knees in awe.
They said Oxi was only a legend...

>>54720128
Well that's what it always was.
A sub-department.
So are they a sub-department again?

>>54720140
I'll take the ooze stuff on behalf of my brother.
I'm sure Gluglobul will appreciate it.

>>54720140
My thanks Selevyn, i'm sure it will be a useful teaching aide.

>>54720165
That doesn't matter, your body doesn't matter for death, but your soul does, as long as you are a guild member.

>>54720165
There are at least 20 people that are dead in the necromancy department alone, and those are just the ones we can see. Why do you act like this is an odd thing?

>>54720128
Ostensibly it's to encourage recruitment of some kind.

>>54720140
Well met, Selevyn. Where exactly did you find these rocks?

>>54720128

The vent monsters are still there, though we mostly leave each other alone. I have a feeling they may have been artificially introduced, though. Perhaps a case of releasing snakes to catch mice, and ending with an infestation of snakes instead of mice.

>>54720160
So quick question, In fact Lazarus was never able to answer this for me. Why would you ever take a zombie over a skeleton? Is it just laziness from being unwilling to strip the flesh?
>>54720165
Fffffffucking bullshit. That means people could cast command undead on me.
>>54720199
Hidden sub department. I think. You'll have to ask Lazarus. My sister is in those classes and she doesn't understand it.
>>54720226
Recruitment of mundanes? PLEASE. For the Necromancy stockpiles or what? I mean, sure. Maybe it'll give them an interest in magic and set them on a quest to raise their mana pools from zero to zero point one. But direct recruitment? I doubt it.
>>54720254
Ouch, any idea what the original infestation might have been?

>>54720209
souls don't die dumbass. well normally anyway.

>>54720216
it's not odd, it's just wrong. Ghosts are undead. Liches are undead. Vampires. are. Un.dead. except for the sex vampire for some reason.... not sure why that's the case though...

>>54720264
yes. they could.

>>54720278
Don't you DARE.

>>54720173
yeah, I tried catching the soul of the man who could describe it, but shit's weird over there. Like they got no souls, or something. Still, I think i got a video of him giving the pitch-aww fuck it got wiped by the black hole.

Oh, more stuff to hand out. White mages, got a design template and example of some really sweet looking robes. The red edging just makes it pop, ya know.
Decarnation, decarnation, shit where is it? Ah yes, quicklime pretty handy stuff.
Liches, check the book I got for the alchemy dept, it's got some really tough metals, good for phylacteries.
Necrowitchery, got a-hold on, HNNNG
>pulls out an absolutely massive metal cauldron lined with ceramic
This baby's great. Heats more evenly, keeps the brew warm longer. I've got like three of these things going back to my house for my beer and spirits work.

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>>54719135
We've reviewed the situation and discussed amongst ourselves.
Add in 12 months backpay and you've got a deal.

>>54720278
I know, the key point is that killing somebody is defined as either destroying or otherwise rendering one's body in able to be used by their soul or sending one's soul to the afterlife. Well the second definition is greatly abbreviated.

>>54720264
There is no reason to take zombies they are useless and poor excuses for undead, poor conversation too.

>>54720278
I feel like I should be insulted but I get told off a ton as it is. And for your information I've killed at least 5 souls, and lobotomized too many to count, mine alone required like 10 souls to make.

>>54720287
do I look like a necromancer?

>>54720317
I bet. so quit slow rolling me, what was the last ingredient? Oh no wait I think I can guess.
>She leans in
a dagger under the effects of a shrink item spell?

>>54720264
I mean, it's how Quin gets a large number of her recruits. And those who have magic tend to be called to magic - even if they're not aware of it yet.

>>54720226
Ahh, let's see. one or two are from the bottom of a really deep trench in one of their oceans, two are from their moon, those metal plates are from a mech built by extraterrestrials in the image of my lord Godzilla when they tried to take over the planet, the shiny one is synthetic diamond, and the last is a piece of a crystal off of some crystalloid clone of my lord.

>>54720346
the good old days.png

>>54720312
I will pay you fat cash money for all you have.

>>54720315
Hmm...
I'll see what can be done. Lemme go talk to the Bureaumancers.
>Mervyn leaves

>>54720335
shhh hang on a second, I think i'm about to be killed off in a dramatic fashion.

>>54720315
sup hanners, still lugging that stupidly large hammer around?

...You mother fucker. Oh, I'll give 'em an open house. I'LL GIVE THEM AN OPEN HOUSE THEY'LL NEVER FORGET!

>>54720264

I think it may have been brickants, actually. I found tunnels in the stone, and with the rather superdimensional aspect of the guild itself, stoneants would have been a problem.

>>54720315
Hell no, there is no room in the budget for that at all.
>Inspects the book
This looks very good
That's why I prefer to use cauldrons when ever I can, they make much better potions in greater amounts than any other method.
>>54720341
Not even close.
>>54720382
That would be a shame, I'd like to render that service personally.

>>54720380
Tell you what, I'll give you the actual formula for it, and the two other bottles of the stuff I got, if you get the head of the Liches' department to stop sending me hate mail because I ascended through a profane druidic rite, and not the standard Arcane bs he used.

>>54720335
Thanks. I'm going to bully the shit out of certain Necromancer with an affinity for zombies. Are there spells that strip the flesh?
>>54720341
That's also an evil cleric spell you jackass.
>>54720415
Yikes. I'd heard of termites but that is ridiculous
>>54720352
Really? Never heard that theory. Might explain the-
>>54720408
PIERRENOSTOP!

>>54720382
You haven't seen killing in a dramatic fashion until you've seen my master dealing with adventurers, I swear 1 skeleton gets turned into cheese every speech me makes.

>>54720354
...That's really something. I'll have to do quite a bit of research then.

>>54720408
...Pierre, can you not? Just this once?

>>54720417
>she sighs strikes a im right here pose.

>>54720434
mages guild. evil is pretty irrelevant here.

>>54720408
Pfffff

>>54720408
Oh shit.
>mumbles a prayer to Criticus
>>54720460
>gives her a look that screams "does it look like I give a shit"

>>54720434
Decompoze corpse will work but getting it to work on a zombie is a little tricky, works better if you can get a cleric to help positive energy will disrupt them enough.

>>54720380
I'll await your response.
>>54720395
No, I'm just happy to see you.
>>54720417
Because you're so good with money? Heard you got your shop shut down over some weird laws you ignored.

>>54720434
PIERREYESCONTINUE!
>Sprints off, chucking flasks of oil
>>54720443
>It is too late. It was always too late. There are patches of well-lubricated ground everywhere
>>54720460
>Something in her white mage senses pings on the oil. Some kind of offering?
>>54720472
>Huehuehue

>>54720472
yeah? whats up jack?

>>54720408
Oh, Pierre. for the Conspiromancy dept, I got these fun things called "board games" that people over on Earth play. Don't worry, I only got ones that encourage backstabbing dickery.
Lessee, Coup, Monopoly, Werewolf, Risk, Settlers of Cata, and ohhhh yeah. This one. Hell's balls I don't even want to sit in on a session of this. Diplomacy.

>>54720432
>He walks back in
Consider it done. That' or ill burn his mailbox.

>>54720487
Archwizard said yes. He also said he's going to write up that written apology.

>>54720472
>shrugs and goes back to the meeting

>>54720487
w- pffff thanks hannah, I needed that.

>>54720489
>pierre making an offering to some other being? probably just plans to sucker punch it with a cream pie.

Oh that reminds me has anyone tested the theory of sending a lycan to the moon to see if the transformation would be permanent, the druids I was talking with said that they got mixed results with testing it.

>>54720517
Here ya go, then.
>Selevyn hands over the two remaining bottles of something called "Kaboom!", as well as a small sheaf of papers.

>>54720489
>Sam just stares, before shaking her head.

I do not get paid enough for this shit some days.

>>54720460
You're an evil little shit for casting turn on my little sister.
>>54720479
Can't imagine a cleric and Necromancer working together, but I've seen weirder things.
>>54720489
STOP. STOP NO. PLEASE AT LEAST EXPLAIN!
>>54720539
That actually... sounds like an great experiment. Not going to lie. Talk to the astromancers.

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>54720487
I took care of it, everything's fine now.
>>54720499
Oh powerful Criticus thee who gives his favored good luck when they need it and bad luck when they don't shine your blessing upon me
>Throwsa potion at the oil

>>54720538
>Cream pie
>Offering of lubricating oil
>He, Fabulous Esteban locked in a sensory feedback loop to keep him distracted
>Oh no.
>>54720565
>She really doesn't
>>54720569
>He's not explaining shit, he's making a break for one of the guild's containment vaults

>>54720539
My results shows that the imported weres stayed transformed but any moonmen they bit only transformed when Aen was full.

>>54720434

It is quite absurd, yet here we are.

Also, there are many spells that strip flesh.

>>54720517
Very well. I'll let them know.
>>54720538
Laughter may not be the best medicine, but it's certainly up there.

>>54720569
At least half the necromancers I've met have been clerics. The gods of death are very helpful although most specialize in negative energy. The key is finding one that is working for the dark ones between the stars, that is still sound of mind.

>>54720583
Interesting, do you have any of these moonmen I would like to see how they look on the inside.

>>54720575
oh uhh yeah sure thing, uhh go me.

>>54720589
Oh? I must have missed out on these, got any examples?
>>54720577
>Sena takes a deep breath and sighs, waiting for the results of his madness.
We're all screwed. We're all horribly screwed. I can see it now. It's probably world ending.
>>54720615
Interesting... You know I never really believed in this Positive/Negative energy stuff. Though you'll have to forgive me, born a mage in a mage hating country. Just seems odd that entire realms could hold concepts like that.

>>54720569
>Eye roll
you girls seriously need to move on with your afterlives.

>>54720577
>meh 7/10 not his best effort.

>>54720601
shame that old man Junior couldn't perfect his so called laughing gas.

>>54720575
>the potion does nothing
... shit.
>>54720577
>thinking (He's trying to release something, but what?)
>>54720617
I should have read your name tag.

>Walks back in
Sorry, had to use the restroom and got something to snack on on the way.
What's going on?

>>54720601
Good luck. Also renovations to the facilities have started, and will continue for about a month. Until every room is current age standards.
Apparently it was this or the Necromancy ban, and the Archwizard chose to pay for the upgrades.
>>54720551
>Mervyn takes the bottles and recipe then leaves with the specific intentions of ruining the head of Litchery's day.

>>54720653
The energies are one of the many ways to go about necromancy, it really depends how you want the souls to feel when being used. The energies give you a way to feel better about trapping one in a shell as negative energy makes it less self aware of it's state.

>>54720667
>thats his full title
I guess that means you failed both your perception and lore checks.

>>54720653
Pierre won't unmake the world - too much of his stuff is here.

>>54720682
Well Pierre dumped a bunch of lubricant in various places, so watch your step.

>>54720724
I liked him better when he was a druggee.
He was a lot easier to handle I hear.

>>54720713
Damn, wait, can you curse Pierre?

>>54720658
You'd think. But I'm a damn good ghost. Second to Ellen, I still can't appear out of a ScryV. In fact, I'm practicing that when I get home.
>>54720682
Pierre is happening. You heard me.
>>54720699
Oh really? That I did not know. How heartless. Does that mean if someone used a negative energy case of command undead on me, I would not know?
>>54720724
I said probably. He went downstairs. Only terrible things exist in containment.

>>54720658
So it goes.
>>54720690
It's hardly ideal, but if it's between that and having actual beds with mattresses and sheets, I'll take it.

>>54720754
i'm a god but i'm not suicidal. no thanks.

>>54720653
Depends on how you want to do it. There's one that flayed the subject, quite painfully and leaves a bit of a mess. There's another that subtly detached the skin from the meat below but leaves it in tact. Painless until the subject moves. Personally, I would rather just decarnate the skin. It's relatively clean and painless.

Good night everybody

>>54720724
>>54720770
>>54720667
>>54720658
>Something's going on with the oil. It starts... Vibrating? Oh fuck it's playing a song
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM

The alchemy department needs near constant access to the deep archives. Will mages be in danger while studying?

>>54720770
Command is a whole nother matter, but yes you would not be aware from my recollection of my time before sentience you will stop feeling but you won't be aware of it. My advise is to take some steps into making your soul command proof but it would cost a lot of souls to do, or a deal with something from the beyond if you don't mind your sanity.

>>54720750
He was never easy to handle. "Easier" is incredibly subjectively.

>>54720770
So you know whose bad side NOT to get on.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>54720770
Yes, I've been told.

>>54720804
I just wanted a peaceful life.
>Jake pulls out a card and summons a spirit
>http://i.imgur.com/i9uA5rR.jpg
>The spirit of fire flicks a bit of fire onto the oil

>>54720828
Perhaps.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>54720804
Screw it.
>throws alchemist's fire at the lotion.

>>54720798
Interesting... Decarnate the skin?
>>54720804
There are days where I wish I could die again.
>Sena takes a bottle out of her robe and begins to down it.
>>54720816
Just remember to close the door behind you. Also we should be safer than ever with adventurers pouring in there.
>>54720819
My sister already started worshiping some madness deity. I'm not dealing with that shit. Looks like soul reinforcement is the way to go.
>>54720828
Well he IS my ritualism teacher. Looks like I won't be handing in that homework today.

Welp, now that I'm back from my unexpected sojourn, Imma head over to the bards' college for a bit. They need to hear some of the music that those folks on Earth came up with. Especially Jimi Hendrix and Freddie Mercury.
Adios, folks.

>>54720849
Just...keep your head down and don't do anything stupid. Only good advice I can offer.

>>54720866
Oh, have fun over there. I wonder how well it's doing...
At the end of the thread we'll have a link to keep playing in the Archives. Feel free to join us!

>>54720849
Probably best I could help and I even have some souls for the process, but if you want to try something really out there I could try to forge a body for you and put your soul into it the downside is it might change your personality but you would be living again, I have gotten this to work on test animals and one human subject.

>>54720846
>>54720836
>>54720849
>My glorious theme music abruptly stops at Mort chucking the alchemist's fire
>I, a ball of white light coalesce into a male figure, unclothed, featureless, and glowing bright white
>Well shit, looks like Pierre released Me, Fabulous Esteban, God of Debauchery from my sensory prison!
Who dares interrupt the holy theme music of I, Fabulous Esteban?!

>>54720846
That's three twenties in six rolls ... wow
>>54720905
>Says nothing

>>54720866
Seeya man.
>>54720890
>She's already on her second bottle.
Stupid? Me? Pffffft. At what hour.
>>54720899
I'll pass on the body. Choosing to stay as a ghost for tactical reasons. Now excuse me while I drop Mort in on this.
>>54720905
IT WAS MORT. MORT DID IT!

>>54720849
Oh yes. I've done many experiments with the, erm, surplus of cadavers that end up on the 5th floor. Waste not as the saying is said. It's possible to decorporialize specific parts of the body.

>>54720905
He did it
>Points at mort.

>>54720905
Probably everyone you oil slathered creep.

>>54720934
>>54720941
>upon hearing this he disappears leaving an whisp of purple smoke

>>54720905
I'm pretty sure it was the guy with the bottles.

>>54720934
Well if you insist I have a composite soul I've been working on for the body anyway, remind me to lock the doors to my lab that day if it gets out if might try to head to the astromancers and go beyond the stars and no good will come of that.

>>54720934
Hopefully not this one.

>>54720926
>>54720934
>>54720941
>>54720963
>>54720983
>Deificrage.png
I, FABULOUS ESTEBAN, SHALL LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED, NO BALLS UNBLUED, NO FAMILY GATHERING INTACT IN MY, FABULOUS ESTEBAN'S SEARCH FOR THE TRUTH!
>I, Fabulous Esteban, compress my divine avatar into a small sphere and vanish!
>Needless to say, this open house will likely have complications in shielding they, the visitors from the divine radiance of I, Fabulous Esteban!

>>54720938
Ok, are you opening classes anytime soon?
>>54720966
>Sena breaks into a mad cackle and starts on her third bottle of alcohol.
>>54720983
I can only remember two astromancers... Solkan and Esther, I think. I've never seen any others outside the department.
>>54721017
>She looks at Sam while holding the bottle nervously.
What?
>>54721024
Doomed. Told you. Doomed. Completely screwed.

>>54720966
>the whisp of smoke becomes a fog over mort's chair

>>54721024
>>54721035
The Mages Guild has become a bigger bunch of pansies than I remember.
>Jake walks off to head back to the Adventurers' Guild

>>54721024
Go find the chaste paladins I want to see who will give first.

>>54721035
Believe me it will find a way, you ever see a drunk psion imagine that but angry about it's existence and possibly trying to contact some dark monstrosity at the center of this plane.

>>54721024
...

>>54721035
Yes. You may have a point there.

>>54721072
It's not that we can't deal with him. It's that there's no good way to. And if you've a better idea, go for it.

>>54721064
>sits in your chair

>>54721035
I think I lost my last, and um, first apprentice, so I am inclined to say no. Why is it that you wish to remove someone's skin?

>>54721072
Well fuck you too!
>>54721090
Tell it to start praying to one of the lesser dark monstrosities we already know of. That'll limit it's reach.
>>54721181
Because that would be extremely useful for getting potion regents. I'm thinking more animals rather than people.
>>54721101
>She finishes the bottle and throws it on the ground.
That's my promise broken. I am done with today.
Best of luck Sam! Lock your doors! Burn some incense! PRAY TO ALL THE GODS YOU KNOW! AHAHAH!
>Sena walks out.

>>54721101
>>54721035
>Walks back in looking smug
I'm on strike until I have a guarantee that I'm not participating in open house.

>>54721202
...Good night to you too Sena.

Welp I'm gonna go back to the lab when the skeletons are left alone for too long they start to combine themselves into a super skeleton and that is a mess to fix.

Guys there are Drow in the main hall, and on an unrelated note why is a shiny man running around the halls attempting to seduce the guests?

>>54721202
Oh. I know there's more than one way to skin a cat, but I don't think selectively removing via precise magical spells is the best most efficient way.

>>54721241
You can guarantee you aren't participating by...not participating.

>>54721305
Drow? For rock's sake, what do they want THIS time?

>>54721339
Ritualism, a core class not participating? Nah, I need leverage.
>>54721305
Again? Really?

>>54721339
>>54721351
They said something about selling child slaves but all they had were silhouettes wearing aprons, and one of them had tentacles coming out of it's mouth so I couldn't understand what he was saying.

>>54721374
Oooooh, pity I'm ON STRIKE.
>Explodes

>>54721351
>>54721387
...well, that's a way to get out of it.

>>54721374
...are you sure those are Drow and not Eldrazi?

>>54721176
>is block from doing so by a mysterious force

>>54721387
Did you just burst into a bunch of small squids or am I seeing things again?

>>54721412
I haven't slept in like 20 years and seeing Drow is a common thing so there is a chance they might have been something else.

>>54721424
>sits on the mysterious force

>>54721473
>receives a wound and is forced out of the chair

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>54721489
>tries to stay on the force
>ends up looking like he's riding a bucking bronco

>>54721447
It hasn't been that common for a while, I don't think.

Pierre would know better, but he kind of blew himself up.

>>54721531
>Well if he can stay on for 8 seconds...

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>54721531
>goes straight through the fog and feels like they just passed through a ghost, only to be stabbed again as mort attempts to move the red robe

>>54721586
>Is now riding mort
YEHAW!

>>54721531
>rubbing his milky eyes
Ok...i-is that chair trying to strangle that fellow?

>>54721585
Oh the Drow are everywhere you can never be too sure for all we know that fellow in the robes being strangled by a chair is a Drow.

>>54721612
...

No, that's a redrobe who...got his head stuck in one of his sleeves.

I weep for my generation.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>54721610
>>54721612
Tries to strangle the red robe, for:humiliating him, being a red robe, and possibly being a drow.

>>54721703
>he is still invisible and being ridden by said red robe

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>>54721703
>tries to stay atop mort

>>54721694
Right right red is definitely the color I see there red as the dark skies of the shattered planes, or the tears of the red eyed children of the underdark.

>>54721703
>>54721739
YEEEEEEEEEEEHAW! GID ALONG LITTLE DOGGY! GID ALONG!

>Walks in with a cup of tea.
So, is there a reason why most of the geometric wards just spontainiously turned into halucenogens in Astral Contrainment?

Not that the Baccanalia is uninteresting, but I'm currently not paid enough to deal with that.

>>54721771
I wouldn't put it past the Drow they enjoy those type of things, maybe our shiny friend is an agent of theirs.

>>54721762
...

>>54721771
I can refer you to a specialist in that sort of thing, if you're willing to wait a bit.

>>54721808
>Takes a sip
I *am* a specialist. I'm working off my debt to the guild, but, well. Let's say somebody's obsession with having Outsider Butlers has lead to complications. Apparantly repressing instincts causes problems, who knew?

>>54721794
Drow? Where?!?

>>54721808
I apologize I just channeled...something that tends to happen from time to time for the last 20 years.

>>54718970
Damnit, why do these threads always show up on my work days? Some of us work for a living! No matter. Nobody sacked my cellars, did they? Because they've been trapped to hell and back.

>>54721763
>the purple fog abruptly leaves through the door

>>54721739
>FOR PROFICIENCY IN RIDING ANOTHER MAN, I, FABULOUS ESTEBAN GRANT YOU MY MOST GLORIOUS FAVOUR!

>>54721844
The better question is where are they not once I found one in the hedge maze putting an incubus in a cage.

>>54721857
I did hear several explosions a couple minutes ago, but to be honest, I can't tell the difference between your cellars and the heavily reinforced labs the Alchemists use.

>>54721866
>Rides you all the way out

>>54721873
I mean a name would be nice. maybe race while your at it. oh and a backstory. maybe some family members. Ohh ohh and characterization.

>>54721844
A specialist, yes. But not the only one.

>>54721857
Many of us work for a living, Dave. Though as far as I'm aware your stores haven't been touched.

>>54721873
Oh. That would explain it.
>sips tea.
Got cut loose from your..."retreat" didn't ya big E?

>>54721902
So, you know a god-banisher? Neat.

>>54721884
Actually, there is some overlap. These open house weeks are rather troublesome, as I'm afraid that I'll meet someone I know. Fighters guilds tend to be filled with dwarves. >>54721902
I know. Just like complainin is all. It's been said that when the dwarf isn't grumpy, somethings going on.

>>54721896
>You are He, Maximillian Quesenberry!
>A Human from the isle of Girthe on a voyage to see the world! You have two parents, a baker and a blacksmith! No siblings, but a fearless determination driving you to take on and dominate any and all challenges in your way!

>>54721931
Most fighters guilds I see tend to be filled with drow or ran by them. That reminds me is there is rule about having a Drider locked up in my room?

>>54721896
>Mortimer recognizes this as a form of Devine retribution.

>>54721920
I, Fabulous Esteban, being the god of depravity and debauchery beyond compare, have little time to grace mere mortals with conversational pleasantries! However, you, Malik the Irritable, Most respectable thaumaturge, gain the impression that I have been made aware of a need to fulfill my deific duties by a particular feline fuccboi! Furthermore, a most pressing impression reveals that I, Fabulous Esteban am only loosely monitoring this mortal coil and will likely only impose GLORIOUS BLESSINGS in fitting moments!

>>54721876
Oh, you mean Dok. How dissapointing. I was hoping that I could finally meet someone to teach me of their pacts with the deeper darknesses.

>>54721991
Don't you think you're slumming a bit?
I mean, I know nothing has been the same since Ashtare goddess of lust and desire kicked you out, but isn't there a convent or a monastery you could be making more interesting?

>>54721974
....Not ta I know of. But just because you CAN doesn't mean you should. Personally, I don't much trust the drow as a whole, though they have some decent fighters and wizard types. On the other hand, I've never had any trouble with the few drow we have here, so it might just be old wounds showing their scars.

>>54721920
...I know a wardsmith who works with geodesic designs, at least.

>>54721931
That is far too true.

>>54721993
Oh I let him free after burning the mind of the drow.
>his eyes start to flicker random colors
Turns out the fellow was actually an acolyte of his I saw his whole life flash before my eyes before his soul was burned by the darkness, I still keep his skull in my room.
>his eyes return to a milky white

>>54722034
Yes not trusting them is always the best, this drider keeps claiming that she is a centaur but I know better than to fall for her lies.

>Runs into the archives
How late am I? Oh, Lazarus is going to be pissed about this thing.

>>54722107
Too late~
Pierre seems to have released Esteba-
>HE, FABULOUS ESTEBAN
...He, Fabulous Esteban, and gone on strike.

>>54722129
>Stares
>Glances around
Well, hells.

>>54722041
That's a start I guess.
>Sips tea
Know who unleashed He, Estaban Lord of Carnal Highs and Gratuitous depths?

>>54722057
Good on ya, Dok is usually a right pain in the arse after he's been trapped overlong by a filthy warlock.

>>54722138
>Points to mug
Tea?

>>54722138
Indeed. He, Fabulous Esteban seems to be... Attending to the contingent of Drow present... Oh dear, I don't know if I would call THAT a blessing...

>>54722192
Oh, um, my mind blocked out... All of his shenanigans, what is he doing?

>>54722184
Do you have hot cocoa?

>>54722207
Well, He Fabulous Esteban just "blessed" a male drow by turning his... Ahem. Seed. Into spiders.

>>54722192
That is the exact opposite of a blessing, lord knows what they are plotting. Would anyone be mad if I summoned a Shoggoth in the main hall that should fix the problem.

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>>54722192
Esteban? And Drow?

...Yeah, those Drow won't be a problem anymore once he's done with them.

>>54722207
Evening Veilhex.

>>54722230
>>54722240
>The solitary eye and mouth making up Deima's manifestation blinks and frowns
You'd think so, but the drow seems happy.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>54722260
Yep that's it I'm putting a Shoggoth between them.

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132KB, 709x646px

>>54722240
Evening.

>>54722227
Okay, ew, I regret asking.

>>54722277
>the spell works but the intended point of the summon is off, the shoggoth lands somewhere outside the main doors

>>54722277
Well, you do that then. I, on the other hand, will be taking the route of ignoring the living hells out of it and finding a chastity belt sized for eldritch shapeshifters.
>>54722287
And I regret witnessing. And yet I can't seem to look away... Ugh.

>>54722207
>Pulls out a large decanter and a spare mug and pours Veilhex some Cocoa.

Yeah, Big E tends to do that if you're not adequately prepared for his "sense of humour."

>>54722227
ooof...that has to itch like crazy. Does the local exterminators guild do house calls here?

>>54722230
I wouldn't "mind" except the damn things aren't house trained and I'm contractually obligated to clean up after every ultra-dimensional summoning's leavings.

>Holds out his decanter vaguely to everyone.
Anyone need a bit of a pick-me-up? I like to deal with things like this with a bit of tea.

>>54722260
Then I doubt they're drow. Esteban has so much glitter and sparkle that he's almost a second sun to them.

>>54722344
I can take some tea.

>>54722317
You can't look away from anything, can you?

>>54722344
>Takes the mug
>Chugs it
Thank you.

>>54722290
Damned my fogged vision now the creature is attacking some of the fighters guild visitors.
>his eyes start to change colors
You can see their minds collapsing.
>his eyes return to a milky white

>>54722344
What is in the tea?

Well Hello, fellow Spellcasters, I' am new to your guild since I have arrived about a week ago to the city, I was told to come here to register with the guild to start my enchantment and bauble works.

Who happens to be in charge of registration, I happen to need a License for weapon enhancement, enchantment, and its various accessories.

>>54722344
...That role seems to have fallen to me, and I am NOT handling this.
>>54722361
Well, pleased with the blessing at least. And they are all wearing things with spiders emblazoned across them. And they smell like drow. And if the bite I took of one is anything to go by, they certainly taste like drow. If drow taste similar to the chunk I took out of Fryia's leg oh so long ago... Hmm. Perhaps I'm not so qualified to say?

>>54722379
It's like a bridge collapsing in slow motion, I'd like to see you try looking away from this.

>>54722412
The formal registration has to go through the Bureaumancers, but I think they're closed for the night. Informally, just find something to do and start doing it. If no one tells you to leave? You're good.
and welcome to our madhouse.
Enjoy yourself.

>>54722417
...Before my time, I'm pretty sure.

>The small faery in dark clothing flies down
>>54722417
Drow are the best tasting elves.
But that's because you're not supposed to eat many other elves

>>54722388
Oh, the usual: tea leaves, some dried otherberries, some hell-bark for a bit of spice, and oil of etheric wysteria. The decanter also can do most hot drinks.

>>54722417
Oh, Deima, quit your whining, we both know I'm on cleanup duty until I've footed my bill.

>Pours out hot drinks to any who request.
Now, I know I'm fairly new to the guild, but wouldn't a god coming around and "blessing" any old person who comes by be considered a fairly expected hazard?

>>54722480
Was it? So sorry, but you do smell identical to someone who was present.
>>54722485
I've been told it's rude to talk about how people I've tried to eat taste but.. I'm inclined to agree. The snow elf was... uncomfortable for a number of reasons.

>>54722417
Don't eat them you might get corrupted from within, next thing you know the stars will be spiders and the moon will start to fall.

>>54722494
I will pass then I need something that won't keep me from sleep. Not that it matters I haven't slept in 20 years but I don't want to play fate.

>>54722463
I don't have to! That's the best part of my mind blocking it out.

>>54722412
>Mortimer would comment on how he would very much welcome an enchanter into the guild, however he is currently being dealt Devine retribution by The Fabulous Esteban.

>>54722518
Snow elves! What are you, a lunatic! Those aren't the eating-elves, those are the burning-elves! You can't eat a burning-elf, those are only good for burning!. Bah! Now what, I supposed you sold a high elf to?

>>54722480
Thank you. Now if anyone's interested in learning my craft, I happen to be an expert in weapon, armor and jewelry enhancement and enchantment. I also make baubles for the common folk to enhance and enchant their equipment themselves.

>>54722544
I once ate the mind of a high elf because I thought it was a drow in disguise, it did not feel right too many years of memories.

>>54722494
Oh, goody. I don't have to get into another argument then. Almost disappointing, I haven't gotten to quit a job yet.
>>54722529
Oh deary, we're quite past that.
>>54722537
Pity, never knowing how lovely it feels to have the abyss look back.
>>54722544
Well... No. And I didn't eat the snow elf, she... Ugh, moving on before He, Fabulous Esteban hears this.

>>54722586
Too many memories? Pssh! Now you can brag about knowing everything!

>>54722518
...Yes, I would be.

>>54722549
I see. Well, I believe we have someone in the archives you would do well to meet, I expect you and she might be able to get along.

>>54722594
It fades after a second...I think, every mind I eat tends to make things worse in terms of gaps in my memories.

>>54722529
Suit yourself. I'm happy to share anytime.

>>54722537
Well, I can tell you it's only the 7th most disturbing thing I've seen. Not including my bill from the Fleshwarpers. So how's the Underworld doing? Any new discoveries on soulforging?

>>54722549
D'you think you could make me a flask that can pour out whatever booze I'd like. The decanter is nice, but sometimes y'want something a bit harder.

>>54722607
Who would that person be? I'm not the best when it comes to directions. Im always interested to offer courses to those interested of course, although I think i'd need the aproval of the master of this guild for that.

>>54722639
Maybe if you never stopped eating minds you'd never stop losing memories.
>he ponders

>>54718970
I am now in the middle of an experiment that requires regular ventilation control. Outside of lab hours, the alchemical laboratories will be secured to prevent gas leaks. Visitors are advised to enter at their own risk, and this institution is not liable for what happens if laboratory protocols are not upheld.

>>54722593
I've had the abyss look back before.

It punched me in the face.

>>54722653
Eh, I don't keep up with the news on those chumps. They're all lazy assholes who didn't even bother hanging around.

>>54722607
No sleights meant against you of course, you're both lovely people I'm sure. I simply prioritize different things when it comes to remembering people.
>>54722669
...Perhaps you were being a bit leery? A look can say a lot of things you know.

>>54722660
Memories are worthless especially when I've already lost everything before 20 years ago.

>>54722691
What was so special 20 years ago?

>>54722689
I was fourteen. I didn't expect the abyss to have whips and chains.

I made numerous bad decisions in those days.

>>54722700
I for reasons unknown to me decided it best to look at the forbidden knowledge between the stars...something there was not happy with that apparently.

>>54722653
A flask you say? I can effectively enchant flasks, but making them endless isn't something I can do. What I can do is make your flask itself grant you defensive powers for a short duration while replenishing your health, your mana, or even both at once. I can make effects such as making you run faster, stop you from burning and being shocked or chilled and frozen. All kinds of wondrous effects really.

Your flask would replenish themselves every time you would go to a town or your own home

>>54722719
Probably that ginger nerd that walks around here. He's very picky about the stars.
It's kind of lame, to be honest with you

>>54722659
Her name is Idaia, she's not an instructor so much as a fellow artificer.

>>54722689
None taken. I figure it's just how you work.

>>54722669
Yeah, that's what happens when you get a cushy research job.
>>54722710
Didn't we all at age fourteen?

>>54722689
Well Luv, I'm about done my tea break. I'll go deal with the abomination that's bothering you so, do play nice with the guests.

>Malik finishes his tea, and walks towards the drow contingent murmuring charms against divine interference.

>>54722731
Hell if I remember the next memory I have after that is 2 years latter when an orc god of decapitation saved me from being killed by a Kobold that was trying to become a god.

>>54722732
Oh, an artificer. Those are not abound too much these days. I will be looking out for her in the future if my memory serves me kindly

>>54722752
We did. And yes, it is what happens.

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*Cough*

Ey it's Klepto Melville, Travellin Merchant.

Give me a tour would ya? I'd like to look at yer shit, the magical artifact business is booming...

...What's this thingy on the shelf do?

>>54722752
Abominations? I may need to pitch in.

>>54722766
You might catch her in the archives every now and again, yes.

>>54722756
The orcs are just as mundane and tasteless as the drow! Regardless of "God of blah blah"
Bah! We should become our own gods, since everyone else is doing it!

>>54722825
Oh that? That's the old "Book of Bleeding Eyes"! It's a fantastic work of literature that makes your eyes melt. Definitely a bedtime story for the kiddies

>>54722837
Tell her to be careful I once found a drow inside a book in there.

>>54722845
The god apparently a mortal orc that found a way to become a god so maybe I should ask him.

>>54722876
Is he still mortal?
Quite a curse if a god can be offed like a man

>>54722837
I do appreciate the offer Luv, but this isn't your normal planar abomination but the result of a god of debauchery pushing the boundaries of mortal physiology in the effort of getting his rocks off.

I'd take a ponder before you help me on this one. There's mind-blowing insanities and then there's just gross and weird.
>Exits the room
Night all.

>>54722945
No what he did seemed to do the trick, even the demon queen that killed the kobold was no match for him.

>>54722947
Good night. And the archives invitation extends to you too. The link should be posted soon.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>>54722873

>Opens up the book as you're saying that

Wait what?

>con save

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>>54723001
>the Book tries to make your eyes bleed

>>54723005

>My eyes may not be bleeding but the pain is practically unbearable
>I throw the book down, screaming in agony


By the gods you're a band of lunatics! Clearly I've made a terrible mistake.

>I stumble towards the exit in a hurry

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>>54723098
>The exit sign tries to make your eyes bleed

Rolled 14 (1d20)

>>54723119
>I glance at the exit sign on my way out

Go to the mages guild they said!

You'll finally be rich they said!

>>54723152
>should worn those sunglasses
>it's a bright sign

>>54723152
This is why you don't poke into someone's home uninvited. Also what is that book doing there in the middle of the shelf, should it not be put some place relatively safer so an apprentice doesn't gouge their eyes out and rethink their path to becoming oracles?

Are all the children gone?

Are all the adults gone?

Good! All of you magic types clear out into the Archives, we've got a royal lot of messes to clean. We'll be lucky if it's all done before the next meeting.

If you had fun playing tonight and don't want to wait until the next thread pops up,
feel free to join us in the Mages Guild Archives! We have more players, more characters, and more settings for everyone to keep up the antics.
Full archives link: https://archived.moe/rp/thread/3659/
Mobile-friendly archives link: https://archived.moe/rp/last/20/3659/

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. My name is Mortimer Mortinson, proprietor of Mortimer Mortinson and Sons Mortuary, and I would like to request a moratorium on your necromancy students pranking us by animating our cadavers without consent.
It's mortifying!

...are they gone?

Good. I'm raiding the buffet for mini-pizzas.

Waiting until after the meeting so that you're not swatting errant hands out of the way to your prize, Percy? I amaze myself sometimes.

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What ho fellow spell casters !

I was out celebrating with some of my dumb pals in the fighters guild.

What did I miss ?

>>54726720
Stupid name tag must have slipped again.

That's what I get for not wearing a shirt.

>>54726735
>you hear rumbling in the trashcans

>>54726785
Who goes there !? I swear if you're one of does "sneakers" I will punch you !

>>54726835
>the trashcan tips over and 2 halfling thieves fall out
>the hiss at you and scamper off into the guild
>off to work