GM Whining thread

>>54680624
>players immediately react like jackasses
what did they do that was so awful? they could have done anything.

>have to force them to go to the places
thats railroading.

>>54680624
If I had a fresh PC, I'd probably react in the same way to NPC thugs trying to assert dominance over my character.

>Have the least free time of anyone in the group
>Everyone else is "too busy to GM"
Jesus christ people. It's really not that hard. Everyone in the group has tried GMing at least once and none of them have lasted more than a single session before giving up.

>>54681982
I'm in your boat, man. Only one other person in our group regularly DMs campaigns. He's not bad at it, a beginner but not bad at it. The others mostly suck. I don't know, maybe I'm just fucked up in the head from DMing for 8 years, I only have played in 2 games where I really appreciated the quality of the DMing. The worst part is, I don't think I'm even that good a DM, I just don't completely suck at it and that puts me above 90% of everyone.

>>54680624
>Players in city that is being infiltrated by ooze type monsters
>Party is talking to the commander of the city guard, who is on patrol at the moment.
>Is not inclined to talk to them, because he's busy looking for oozes.
>Players decide that the appropriate response to being told to fuck off until he's off shift is to attack him.
>Then they wonder why the town suddenly turned hostile.

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>player actively avoids the adventure
>makes it a point to try and attack every npc he comes across
>calls me a shit dm when the guards come to deal with him

i mean, i am a shit dm, but still.

>>54680624
>Players only fuck around and make dick jokes the entire campaign
>Refuse to ever take the initiative on anything
>Won't read the book, take notes, or prepare for the campaign in any way
>Ask me to RP some downtime shit during off days, so I do, and then they never respond.
>again, THEY WON'T FUCKING READ

Worst part is, when I ask for critiques after the session to make the game more fun they always say "session was good" then leave.

It still baffles me when some of my players, after 5 years of biweekly play, still don't know what some of their own character's abilities do. And this is just in D&D. In Shadowrun I have a rigger who doesn't understand how his own stuff works after repeated solo counselling and in Delta Green a guy who still asks me how to calculate movement once a session.

>>54683212
Sounds like they're having fun just playing, and you're vastly overthinking things. Like a high-class courtesan trying to figure out the drapes for people who'd be fine with filthy two-copper whores.

>>54682101
I have a friend that loves to GM but likes endless pandering and shit systems. He tries to run Palladium and Rifts every time he gets the chance over ANYTHING else, and he adds in 'cameos' of things he likes, from movies but especially from anime.

In our Star Wars game, he added in Drow with Power Armor as a 'random encounter' that we just sort of run into. That's the last straw for me, personally.

>First time GM
>First session goes okay
>Second session goes okay
>HEY LOOK THERE'S A NEAT NEW SETTING I'LL GM IT

>some time later, GM again
>First session goes okay
>Second session goes okay
>HEY GUYS I JUST BOUGHT BATTLETECH LET'S PLAY THAT INSTEAD

Am I that bad?

>>54683582
Sounds more like your friends have a bad case of the "Oooh Shiny" to me

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>>54680624
Does anyone else feel personally insulted when a player is late for a game?

>>54685816
This, I have a buddy who is chronically two hours late to everything. 12 years its been going on. I figured out early on to tell him the time was now 4pm instead of 6pm, and so he shows up at 6pm just after everyone else does. We havent told him for ten years and it works great.

>>54685816
Not insulted. Just disgusted. No one is punctual. No one honors appointments.

>>54680624
A minor thing, but I made a burma shave joke and nobody in my group got it, and I had to spend the next 10 minutes explaining it.

None of my players know the religions of my homebrew setting. One player decided to make his own religion that his village all followed and were 100% ignorant of all others, one decided to be a priest of "fire" with no explanation on what that is (turned out they're just a pyro), and one has no religion and doesn't get what any of the NPCs are talking about when they give a blessing or anything.

It's not a huge thing, but religion is important, and nobody cares in the slightest

>>54681937
>players don't do anything on their own
>DM pushes players into an adventure because of this problem
>railroading
I mean, I guess it's railroading? But like what choice does he have?

>>54687785
Sometimes, it's the players who do the railroading.

>>54683472
yeah, he needs to find a new group then if he's not having fun, but otherwise there's nothing wrong with that group

>>54685816
it rustles me so hard. for some reason my players don't think that a schedule means anything. LIKE I DON'T HAVE OTHER SHIT TO DO IF YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE HOLY SHIT

>>54687813
what do you mean?

>>54687785
stop playing with them maybe

>>54680624
Save yourself some grief anon, boot them next time.
If they can't be respectful enough to try and collaborate on the game you spent hours developing then they're clearly not worth playing with. I mean, let them know that they're being obnoxious, but if they don't care or don't change boot them. Don't tolerate this shit, it's only going to make your life harder and more annoying.

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>>54687840
Seriously. Even if you mostly improvise, GMing is still a lot of effort. When players are so fucking flippant about schedules and start times, it just makes me not want to fucking bother.

I could be playing a video game or watching a show or doing something else instead of waiting for this tardy shithead to show up for a game he's clearly not enthusiastic about, but instead I'm sitting here in uncomfortable silence with the rest of the players.

And then, when he shows up late, he inevitably gets mad that we started without him. I hate to quote one of my asshole college professors, but show up on time or don't show up at all (or at least have a good excuse).

>>54683212
Wrong group for you friend. I'm sure they're fine and I'm sure you're a good DM. Some types of players just don't mix with certain DMs well.

>>54687866
Some people can't handle the freedom of a pen and paper RPG. They take "can do anything" to mean "don't have to do anything I don't want to" and fuck the whole thing up. Players that treat the DM like a content ATM.

At least that's what I think he meant.

>Create a deep set of politics and intrigue as a backdrop to the world
>Players don't give a shit
>None of their characters have good long-term goals to strive for
>Campaign has become an aimless mess as I fail to entice PCs with any plot hook

> player makes a templar of a religion that believes matter is evil
> point out that's probably going to be problematic given everyone in the setting is made from it
> player insists this will be fine
> point out the logical endpoint for "matter is evil" + "i destroy evil" is his character trying to blow up the entire universe, which would make him the bad guy
> player insists this will be fine
> point out that his character probably shouldn't even be alive given his religion believes life is a mistake and death is preferable
> player insists this will be fine

>>> none of the above becomes a problem because the player gets himself blown up in the first combat of the game

he stood next to barrels full of gunpowder while people were shooting at him with fire arrows.

>>54688317
I guess in the end none of it really... mattered.

(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)

>>54688357
I'm calling the police

>>54685816
If he's just a few minutes late, or he lets me know he'll be late, it's fine. If he shows up a couple hours into the session and acts like nothing's happened, he can get fucked.

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>>54688357

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>>54688357

>>54680624
>player requests that I run Mutants and Masterminds because he wants to be a superhero
>I get all the books and spend a few days practicing making characters and learning the rules
>organize a group of people who also want to be superheros
>sit down with him and help him make his character before session zero
>first combat 'I don't really like this game, can't we just play DnD'

> miss GMing terribly
> friends also would like me to run something
> every time we discuss starting something, conversation moves to this one really good game that happened in 2009
> every time, that segues into discussing an aborted sequel arc to it that caused a bunch of IRL drama
> every single time, i end up crying and/or curled up on the floor
> player who keeps bringing the bad game up is my long term boyfriend
> i think he's doing it to toughen me up

halp.

>only person in group that will DM because nobody else can be bothered
>want them to actually consider their actions so I try to write minor twists for every noteworthy NPC or quest
>very rarely is it a major thing, just want them to have an 'oh shit maybe we should have done something different' moment
>they don't really pick up on this and continue to just act immediately
>they start to complain about stuff not always having happy or good endings

None of them keep notes. None of them remember half the shit I tell them. I've tried railroading, I've done more open worlds just giving them a map and letting them explore, half of them only care about talking to other characters and the other half just want to fight. I've lost interest in it desu, just want somebody else to DM.

>>54685816
>>54686239
>>54685848
>>54687840
>>54687927
>>54688400

Oh god, this. I'm looking forward to my next campaign, but I know this will be an issue with one player.

I honestly don't expect her to make it to the character creation.

And if she does I know she will just sleep away the game day and still demand to be part of the campaign even after missing more than half of it.

>>54690872
>halp.
Have you considered toughening up?

>>54683582
Nah, sometimes it takes a few tries for a good campaign to stick. Took me near a dozen times of one to two sessions until my big one started, but now we've been playing for two years as one campaign and it's great

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>>54690872
Have you tried not being a homosexual?

>>54690872
Christ, how fucking bad was it that the very mention wrecks you? Your BF seems to going at this the wrong way, but I'm getting the vibe that you do in fact need to toughen up at least a bit. That's approaching "cannot function in society" levels of thin-skinned.

>>54688087
>I'm going to spend all my time designing irrelevant bullshit my players have no reason to care about
>why don't my players care about my irrelevant bullshit!?
Shit DMing in a nutshell.

>get absorbed into preexisting friend group to play D&D
>like everyone except 1 guy
>DM burns out, wants to play
>I offer to DM
>1 guy complains about every little setting thing or home rule
>won't put his fucking phone away
>refuses to really participate, bitches constantly
>2 years of dealing with this crap, he says something stupid
>tell him I'm sick of his shit, get out of my house, he's out of the game
>we play two more sessions and everybody stops showing up

>>54690872
stop being a stupid fucking asshole and just build a game and invite players

>>54690917
THIIIIIIIIIIIIS.

I keep reminding my players to keep notes but they never do.

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>>54680624
>best friend finally get into DnD
>we start talking about it and arrange to play
>due to many cancelation and him livng far away we never get to play
>one day he moves back down
>we can play DnD as much as we want
>he turns out to be the worst DnD player I've seen period
>he is extreamly ignorant of what people did and didn't have or what is an effective stratergy or what he is able to do

>people are fighting displacer beast
>he runs off to find a crate to throw at it
>despite being a 20 dex with a ranged weapon

>everyone is staying at a expensive inn
>he doesn't want to waste gold
>he sleeps in the lobby
>he gets woken up
>chimps out
>gets critted
>chimps out further and destroys the lobby
>escapes into the night
>complains when the guards hunt him down on sight and recognise him despite him being a duergar

>gets stabbed in his sleep
>looks around room
>tell him he can't see anyone
>he says he goes back to sleep
>another player has to watch over him because he is too retarded to find out who stabbed him and assumed they were just invisible and there was nothing he could do about them and gave up.

>make big open world
>players are just friends meeting up after a long time away from each other
>no campaign plot just exploration and roleplay
>players decide to take up a mission
>they get an escort to help them
>guy gets upset that the mission is taking long and wants to drop it
>escort insists they stay to finish it

WOW WERE BEING RAILROADED I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

who taught everyone this meme phrase?

>>54680624
So this is a common theme I see a whole lot of, both here and other places where people discuss RPGs.

GMs expect players to be intimidated by tough NPCs and threats of violence. The fact of the matter is that violence is bread and butter for players. A faction of NPCs telling them to "get off their turf" will be interpreted as an overture for a fight, first and foremost, not an opportunity to engage in an intricate game of diplomacy.

>>54693560
and these players deserve to be killed off over and over until they learn their lesson or quit.

>>54686354
What's burma shave?

>>54693583
>how can I teach my players not to solve all their problems with violence?
>I know!
>I'll have my npcs solve all their problems with violence!

>>54693560

I've had this come up as well; my two cents is that a lot of players are in a game as a kind of wish-fulfillment and power-fantasy. Without an overt conversation about the kind of game you're running and expectations therein, you're bound to run into trouble.

For my part, having that talk actually solved the problem-- they trusted me to give them empowering moments next to disempowering ones.

>>54685816

I know that feel. Once on a roll20 game we were waiting for 1 player to log in and we were trying to reach him through phone and social media. After bombarding him with phone calls we got a very cranky 'wtf do you want?' followed by 'Oh its Friday? I forgot what day it is. Nah bros I'm too tired to game, I'll see you next week'. Click.

This was coming from a guy who was unemployed and it was 10:30 on a Friday night.

>>54688087
Have you tried making it simple and personal? Throw a bad guy in who's a mocking asshole, and make him chop off a player's limb or something permanent like that (naturally open up avenues for getting a magical replacement fairly quickly, but make sure it has at least a lasting cosmetic impact).

Your players will take it personally and go after that character. A hook is worthless without bait.

>>54694785
Literal dimensional rifts have appeared and caused the players distress as a result of a mad conjuror's attempts to transcend existence itself by becoming an extraplanar god. They have not pursued this.

>>54695070
>distress

Not enough, man. Most players only engage with the world outside their character sheet when they're forced to, or when it's interfering with it. You have a character land a permanent effect on a player, even if it's all fluff, and throw in an insult or two to injury, and the players are gonna be pissed and get involved.

If that doesn't work, you truly have bad players.

>>54695070

Have some swole asshole who works for the big bad beat them up, call them cucks, and leave. No theft, no imprisonment, no offers. Just humiliation.

They'll go ballistic.

>>54690872
kinda weird to me that everyone responding to this has assumed the irl drama couldn't possibly be that bad
instead of thinking hey, maybe it was, or this anon wouldn't be so beat up about it

i mean i've read stories of people getting actually stabbed at the game table so at this point anything's possible

>>54690872
you should probably tell your boyfriend to stop doing that though. it's clearly not helping.

>>54692986
that last story is incredible

>>54693560
especially if you're playing something like DND where the fighting is... largely the reason they're even playing it. or any other system with particularly in-depth combat mechanics, for that matter. they've read the rules, they know every character option is designed to be good at fights, of course they're going to want to fight stuff.

there's plenty of systems out there that discourage (or even ban) murder as a problem-solving tool.

>>54692986
maybe he's roleplaying as a enemy from a stealth oriented video game.

>takes an arrow/bullet/dart to the neck
>"what was that?!"
>looks around the room for a while
>"eh. probably not my problem.

>>54695548
If you end up crying curled on the floor over drama, then you are not a functional adult.

>>54681937
>Muh railroading

Thank you contrarian /tg/. Now go have the opposite opinion of everyone somewhere else.

>>54691656
Garbage murder hobo detected

>>54695715
must be nice to be so sheltered you can't imagine the kind of human conflict that would put someone in such a state

>>54695715
Drama can be used to describe lots of things, for all we know this person was assaulted or worse. You piss off someone you thought was your friend at the game table then the next few months they try to actively ruin your life. If they are proficient that sounds like enough to reduce someone to tears.
>>54690872
Honestly regardless of what happened since it causes you so much anguish you should talk to your boyfriend about it and possibly seek counselling. Most schools have counselors for free if you're a student.

>neutral good barbarian kills random citizen "for his meat"

>group needs to find out the bbeg plan and find the last 3 books he'd been reading
>read the titles but not the book's

>>54680624
>Have problem with characters who refuse to cooperate and end up leaving the party.
>This happens 3 times in 2 successive games.
>I've had enough.
>Tell people that I'm not going to going to waste time following somebody who leaves the party.
>You leave the party; you make a new character. It's as simple as that.
>One of the PCs won't cooperate with the others and leaves the party.
>Tell him to make a new character.
>He does, but the game falls apart because people aren't into it without the character who left the party.
>[screams internally]

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>>54694608
>tired at 10:30 Friday night
What the fuck

>>54690872
> miss GMing terribly
> friends also would like me to run something
> every time we discuss starting something, conversation moves to this one really good game that happened in 2009
Great. You miss GMing, your friends want you to run something, and they're really fond of the 2009 game. Just build on that.

> every time, that segues into discussing an aborted sequel arc to it that caused a bunch of IRL drama
"I don't want to dwell on bad shit like that. It upsets me and keeps me from wanting to do something new. Can we focus on this idea I had for a new campaign instead?"

I realize it isn't always that easy, but it seems like that's the correct path to take. Assert yourself, but instead of being solely negative ("I don't want to talk about it"), try to shift the focus to something else. At a certain, though, if people are completely ignoring what you're saying, you should probably make one last impassioned plea to move on, then walk out if people continue to ignore you. You've gotta stand up for yourself.

>players have me create a literal list of different things they can do like a quest log

how should I feel about this

>>54690872
It's weird that every anon in this thread assumed you aren't getting treatment and/or therapy for what sounds like legitimate panic attacks. (And if human brains got worried for justifiable reasons we would know by now.)

If your BF is doing this shit accidentally then he really needs to listen to your words on the matter and drop the topic.
If he's doing it *on purpose* drop his ass immediately, people who don't care about basic boundary shit like that are very, very bad news.

>>54687785
Sit at the table for four hours or so waiting for them to make a move. Maybe the players didn't want to play tabletop and just wanted to hang out?

>>54685816
Depends. If they let me know they are going to be late, shoot happens and scheduling can be hard.

If they just don't show up for two hours then
Reeeeeeeeeeeer

>>54687785
If they did it repeatedly, I would prompt then a few times, then just start packing up. If they don't want to play the don't have to.

>>54696219
Yeah, I'm talking about the latter.

If a player tells me beforehand, or shows up and apologizes, or tells me what happened, then we're cool. Plus, I have a strict "real life comes first" policy with my games.

If he just plain doesn't show up or doesn't say why, then fuck 'em.

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>>54690872
>>every single time, i end up crying and/or curled up on the floor

...

Are you from tumblr, by any chance?

>>54693639
What's Google?

>player makes a cowardly wizard
>in concept sounds fine, in practice he just flees from most battles
>player then sits there browsing memes and interrupting the session to show them
>whines when he falls behind on XP for missing chunks of adventure
>I occasionally send an enemy or two to keep him in the game
>whines that he has to deal with enemies on his own

I know at this point I should just ask him to make a new character, but I keep foolishly waiting for him to propose a reason for his character to stop journeying with the party he despises on adventures he's not cut out for.

>>54696532
Just outright kill the cunt.

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>>54680624
>set up a party inventory box for all the treasures and magic items and useful devices
>leave the list up and tell players they can edit it and take whatever they want because it's all unclaimed stuff
>NOBODY TOUCHES IT FOR THE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN

>>54682101
>maybe I'm just fucked up in the head from DMing for 8 years
you are like little babby... get on my level: 28yrs of forever DM

>>54693064
make them have consequences. if you arent legitimately railroading people and its truly
>no campaign plot just exploration and roleplay
then they can go fuck themselves. Dont explain to them in game why youre taking the actions you are. I hate to say it but punish them if they dont stay on the task at hand like they said they would. Outside of the game table, fine, tell them why you did what you did
>you said youd do it
>you didnt
>dudes pissed
it literally boils down to that exactly.

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>>54695705
>Must've been the wind

>sandboxy campaign
>things happen pretty regularly
>things are all interconnected and are building up into something big
>PCs wait at home for a thing happening to effect them
>they go investigate thing that drew them out, uncover something new, find some new leads
>discuss the new leads and what they mean but never follow up on them
>return home and wait for something else to happen

TAKE THE INITIATIVE REEEE

>>54680624
>Players work for government of small nation.
>Get access to a magical research center. Are told repeatedly and explicitly that resources are VERY limited and that they'll probably only be able to make one high class magical item, be SURE they want the item they're commissioning.
>Players, of course, ignore this completely and demand a magic item keyed against the first major badguy they come across, whom they later win over to their side without any actual combat.
>Two of the people working in this facility die in the process of building this item.
>Players, of course, get mad that they were 'gypped' out of the ultra item they deserve and that they can't get a new one.

I'm seriously considering ditching my group over this latest burst of idiocy.

>>54697507
What did they make?

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>>54697233
>make realistic events that don't necessarily affect the characters
>complain when the characters have a realistic response

>>54680624
>Players are meeting the wizard king.
>Informed before their audience that only the king and his court magicians are permitted to cast within the throne room.
>During introductions, the party wizard says he casts Detect Magic.
>His fellow players tell him not to, he says "It's a harmless spell, they won't care"
>Court magician counters the spell with a readied Greater Dispel. Wizard gets salty.
>Player is upset I didn't let him do it, accusations of railroading are made.
>Court guards begin to remove the wizard from the room as the other characters chastise him to try and save face.
>Wizard tries to cast Black Tentacles on the approaching guards.
>Other court magician hits him with a readied Flesh to Stone.
>Apparently the Wizard was turned to salt.

I then revealed my notes detailing that the magicians are constantly readying actions to cast certain spells depending on the kings audience. I was not, as the salt wizard put it, "Making shit up to shut him down"

What part of "No casting in this area" did he not understand?

>>54697932
A set of amulets that would render them impervious to certain types of magical attacks, and make them more resistant to fire in general, because the mage that they thought they would have to bust in and murderfuck was known for using fire magic in general.

>>54698475
I don't actually mind. We're all having fun and they'll figure it out sooner or later, but sometimes it's frustrating seeing them SO CLOSE to unraveling everything just to discard it and go home.

>>54685816

>Need one more player for an Only War game
>One of my players pulls in their friend
>He gets his sheet done fast, rolls well and gets some really good items
>Time for session rolls around
>Is late
>He shows up two hours in and apologizes
>Makes two posts and stops responding
>MyPatienceWearsThin.jpg
>Next week rolls around
>He's fucking unresponsive.
>Get told after the game "He was in bed and sleeping"
>It's 2am on saturday
>Next week
>Get a respons
>"I don't want to get out of bed."
>The next day he finally leaves

I swear to God I was going to murder him.

>>54696014
Did you tell the first story recently? It sounds familiar.

>>54699124
not op but its a common thing people who play barbarians do. you might be thinking of the story from a few days ago that had a food merchant wizard.

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>>54685816
>Does anyone else feel personally insulted when a player is late for a game?
Jesus fucking christ don't get me started
>three different people bail on the 3 sessions in a row
>second of those sessions doesn't happen at all because they "didn't feel like it"
>everyone suddenly angry when I tell them to figure out a fucking schedule or fuck off
>I just found a different group to play with

>>54680624
Give them the ol' "so this is a big world with a whole lot going on, but it's up to you to decide what to do. If you do nothing, you can totally do nothing but it'll probably be boring."
Follow up with "you wake up in the middle of ADVENTURE!" and you're good.

>>54699832
Reminds me of a group I'm playing in. One player is always complaining about getting up early to play it (9 or 10 in the morning, his time). The token girl leaves early half the time because she feels "sick" or "anxious".

Either start playing or stop taking up a time slot when I could play a game.

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>>54699962
See the weird thing with my group is, is that I still hang out and play vidya with them
It was just tabletop shit that made them impossible to work with
Then again 2 of the 3 problem players weren't from the "core" part of the group, and third guy is just an asshole, so I guess shit explains itself
Oh well, I have a better group now, and so far there was no problems at all, which makes me hopeful

>Player decides to leave main group and gallivant across the country
>Split party situation, just run two games at once and assume lone player will die
>Random encounters roll in lone player's favour. By the end of the session he's reached a port town
>"What do you want to find out there?"
>"I just want to see the rest of the world!"
>"Oh well I haven't really got anything prepped in that direction. If you want to go that way I'd prefer it if the whole party went together"
>Player clearly disappointed

This is somehow making me feel CRIPPLINGLY BAD at running dnd even though it's obviously not an issue at all.

>>54700146

People like this are assholes.
Like yeah sure, the game master is just going to run a separate solo adventure for you.

>>54695976
Some even provide it if you're not. Those psych students need experience.

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>>54685816
>when you show up 30min-60min early for the little "cocktail hour" before play

>>54685816
I used to have my own issues with punctuality so I don't take anything personally.

That said, I always start 15 minutes after the stated time no matter what, and I give extra experience and honor rewards for people who are there for the entire session. Since it's a sandbox game, the party makes a couple important group decisions early on in the session so anyone who isn't there cedes creative control which sometimes has significant consequences longterm.

Eventually the problem solves itself.

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>>54680624
>make elaborate campaign consisting of several small tasks with multiple factions working against each other
>one of the factions is slightly aggressive
>they tell the players they're on their turf
>players immediately react like jackasses
I actually used this to fuck with my players once. There were two factions, and they didn't know much about either, but one was aggressive so they went and allied themselves with the other only to later discover that they'd just allied themselves with a bunch of slavers.

Also
>they then ask them who the fuck they are
>players open fire
I run into this problem all the time. I don't know why my players don't get that gangers aren't cool with random strangers showing up on their doorstep.

>>54702807
Doing this same thing right now in my own game. Classic Harper/Zhent setup, expect they don't know they're not really working for the Harpers, and the Zhents actually have the better motive in all of this.

>>54688317
Have you never heard of the Gnostics or something?

>>54703844
I actually haven't
looking them up now though, it seems they're more about "everything is an imperfect creation of an imperfect god" than "everything is an actively evil creation of an actively evil god", which was my dude's beliefs.

plus he was a templar, which is the "I BELIEVE THIS AND TO HELL WITH ANYONE WHO DOESN'T" class, so it was bound to cause trouble eventually

>>54685816
I can deal with late, having one-on-one time with players is nice.

But when they BAIL AT THE LAST SECOND I get pissy

>>54695392
Aaaaand you just gave me my first combat encounter for next session or two. Right now they're going places b/c they were told to. But if some big tough merc comes in and wipes the floor with all of them, then they'll have good reason to go after them.

Or they'll get mad and stare at their phones/leave when things don't go their way, like they did today when all the magic items they bought from the shady enchanter were cursed.

>>54696163
At least they're engaged...?

>>54703897
A lot of sects did see the demiurge as at least somewhat evil though, like the Cathars. The absolute lightest view of most sects was basically "the material world was a mistake" where as the worst tended to be "Material is an abomination which traps the spark of the divine and soils it." Though of course it wasn't all evil, there was still a belief that the fashioner of a material reality =/= the true god, and that it was possible to escape the entrapment of the material l world and go somewhere better.

>>54704014
Oh come on, are you the one who was surprised when you genderbent a player's character for funsies?

>>54704218
a) how did you know

b) yeah, but I was always going to change him back and I've fully realized that was a retarded idea that went poorly.

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>>54690872
>crying about a game of pretend from nearly a decade ago
Why are women and fags so emotionally unstable?

>>54704317
Because that was me.

Seriously, glad to see it wasn't some creepy magical realm garbage, but don't drop that shit on people out of nowhere. It's really not fun to deal with. What the hell was I supposed to do, pretend to have fun acting out a guy who's dick fell off and gained 5 pounds in his chest?

I'm over it, honest, but it wasn't fun in the moment.

>>54704594
Well shit, sorry man. Didn't know anyone else in the group browsed /tg/

>I'm over it, honest, but it wasn't fun in the moment.

Yeah, I could tell, and I owe you an apology for that. I shouldn't have dropped that shit, it was a stupid move.

Just because you never know with anonymity and 4chan—what was the name of the character you were running before your current one? We worked on making him work for the flavor you wanted but it didn't happen.

Just checking so that if I'm being fucked with I can apologize to the guy again in person.

>Be GM for EotE at LGS
>Get That Gal
>Hands me a three page backstory, which involves slave rape, Jedi training, becoming a smuggler all before age 16
>she's our face, fml
>has taken max obligation in a game with seven players
>convinces our party to sell their ship
>convinces noob player to completely re-roll his character sheet (pre-gen robot) IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SESSION, dragging him away into the corner of the room while I'm doing plot
>decides her character gets drunk as the party is tailing a bounty
>I say bouncer says no booze for 16 year olds, she ignores me and acts drunk for the rest of the session, claiming she had a fake ID
>Including at an imperial checkpoint
>including while the party is figuring out what to do with the Imperial officer they handcuffed in their hotel room
>later session, convinces the munchkin to sneak onto pirate ship and take it over
>she doesn't have a fucking weapon, demands munchkin give her his pistol
>basically constantly tries to get the rest of the party to act in the most Chaotic Stupid manner possible
>shows up at my DnD game
>starts doing the exact same fucking thing, including "I take all treasure I find and don't tell the others" bullshit

I'm going to enjoy murderering her character with SCAR troopers next game.

>>54704686
Trick question, you're a first-time DM and we settled on the first character I brought up.

>>54683395
i have learned in time that most players dont want to make a compelling character. they want to roll lots of dices with huge bonuses. they cant tell you the name of their parents but LOOK! my axe is +5 frost!

they will only the bearest of necessities and invent numbers for the rest(most of the time, advantageous numbers)

>>54705115
...no. I'm new, but not first-time. And the guy had a goblin arcane trickster reflavored as an alchemist that we eventually ditched in favor of a tiefling phoenix sorcerer.

>>54705175
You got me.
In my defense, I would feel the exact same way that he did. I may not have thrown a shitfit, but I would've stared at you with dead eyes and said "really?"

>>54705210
Heh, thought so.

I was definitely being a tard, though. At least I was smart enough to fix it without more RP (the first dose is cheap, the second is pricey as fuck) like I originally planned.

I think that would have thrown him over the edge, and with good reason.

Oh well, it's a learning experience.

>>54705294
Eh, if you were a tard about it you would've stuck to your notes and for good measure had magic strip her naked, and gone into chronic detail about the empress's new boobs.

Like you said, learning experience, you saw that shit was about to boil over and took it off the burner. That's probably one of the best marks of a good DM right there.

>>54705351
That means a lot to me, anon. Thank you.

I can be pretty autist sometimes, so being able to read the room is something I'm proud of.

>>54695960
You mean the kind that would make someone not be a functional adult?

>>54705398
I have no appropriate image, so just imagine a guy wearing sunglasses upside-down giving you a thumbs-up.

Best of luck in your future games, you sound like a fun DM.

>>54705513
Thanks for all the (You)s tonight anon, I really needed those.

>you sound like a fun DM

I do my best.

I have a player who brings an empty two litre with him every session. He will urinate in it under the table and when someone looks horrified he will smile at them and say "saves time, doesn't it?"

>>54705617
You had better be lying, but if you're not-

When people mention taking a snack-break, I want you to hold him down, rip his cock off, and shove it down his throat, then comment that it "saved time."

>In a group of 4, including DM.
>DM is shit
>He was trying for a while, but it's completely phoned in at this point
>Every time the game comes up he keeps saying "It's almost done. Once you finally do what you're supposed to do the arc is over and we can stop"
>Hours upon hours of mind-numbing boredom when we do play
>There have been a few good moments, but they'd be shit if they weren't the ONLY moments of activity

>I DM'd a storyline
>First time DMing
>Everyone liked it
>I was a bit railroady, but I warned them it might be like that going in and they all said it was fine
>I stopped railroading and let them do whatever
>Things go FUBAR in one session
>Have a blast getting out alive
>Some real character development from fallout of their decisions
>Our 'lel I'm strong break everything man' now actually exercises RESTRAINT, for fucks sake

We went back to main DM, who's trying to not kill himself before we finish. They want me to DM a new game and/or continue this setting. I'm socially awkward and will never find a group out in meatspace. I'm not good at finding internet people either. This is my only chance at interaction. I just want to play, but they can't DM. I'm not even good, I'm just king of the shitheap.

Kill me, I don't want to slip into forever DM.

>>54685816
I once had a player show up for the first session and then just kind of vanished for two years only to show up out of the blue for the very last session of the campaign.

>>54706073
He was there at the beginning, he will be there at the end.

Pottery.

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>playing with group for 8 months
>every combat group idiot asks "whats initiative"
>Unironically

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>>54706542
>"Saving Throw? How do I do that?"
>"So how much do I add to my roll again?"
>"Tell me again how to do my bonus action?"
I EVEN WENT THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF MAKING CHARACTER SHEETS THAT TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR CHARACTERS JUST LOOK AT THEM AND PAY ATTENTION

>>54680624
>have to force them to go to the places where things happen because they have no initiative on their own

Kind of a dumb question, but why not just have the "stuff happen" wherever the players happen to be? Be Schrödinger's GM. Nothing is set in stone until you reveal it, so just have the unrevealed stuff coincidentally be wherever you need it to be.

>run dark heresy
>everyone wants be chaos heretics
>run dnd
>everyone want to be evil
>run star wars
>everyone wants to be Sith
>offer to run evil campaign
>everyone wants to be good

I fucking give up.

>>54705702
He was also caught one time masturbating through his pocket during a scene involving a princess congratulating the party at a ceremony

>>54690872
You sound like a bitch

>>54706905
time to try reverse psychology and see if they fall for it

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>That one player that has to bring the game to a halt every 40 minutes for a smoke break.

>>54701086
Trouble is, by this point I'm not bad at running a split session. 7-10 players per session means I've been forced to hone those skills.

It's just usually temporary, and doesn't involve one dude going off on his own having his own adventure.

I found the solution, don't even try to keep him engaged.
"So the ship to elsewhere is coming in 3 weeks, what do you want to do?"
"I'll wait for the ship!"
"Ok back to everyone else"

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>>54685816
>new to tabletop, only playing with usual friend group
>friend A takes over GMing with his own campaign whilst our usual GM plans the next chapter of his
>everything swell for 5 sessions
>GM doesn't turn up for one because his power blew
>GM misses the next one because he missed his train
>GM misses the next one because he was sick
>miraculously we get two done
>misses another for a surprise wedding he went to
>sleeps through another
We were ready to fuckin kill him I think. Thankfully by then our usual boy was ready.

>>54686354
How does it feel to be older or more well traveled than the rest of your group? That shit happens to me all the damn time.

>>54690872
Quit being a faggot and run something. Then you'll have something else to talk about.

>>54696886
After all this time that fucking meter building still gives me anxiety.

>>54698475
While this logic applies to a degree, often the "realistic" response to Geoffrey marching down a corridor and getting nutted by an ambush predator is to escape whatever hellhole this is, go back home, settle down and forget the whole thing.

The best games I have played have involved characters who are too nosy/cocky/greedy for their own good and consequently fuck up in amusing and interesting ways. PCs are best as greedy adrenaline junkies who chase danger and get involved in everything, not as fiscally responsible and resonable people. Its like trying to make a generic horror flick with characters who band together, group up and succeed because of it. Its the best outcome for them (PCs), but not nearly as much fun for the audience (Players)

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>describe scene for players
>complete silence
>ask them what they want to do
>silence
>ask them if they're going to do specific thing
>yeah sure

>>54709565
Sounds like you're playing with noobies or people really afraid of making the "wrong" choice.

>>54710797
Two have been playing for 5+ years
The last has been playing for around half a year
The worst part about it all is that it happens even when they decide to go somewhere and I tell them "all right, you take off and arrive at [location]. Now what do you do?"

>>54710872
If you do it just like that, you might be going a little broad. Give them at least some traction on what to do. That said, 5 year veterans should have a plan before going anywhere, or know at least generally what they want to do.

>>54710941
If they plan and decide to go somewhere to achieve, acquire or do something specific and then arrive there, I expect them to take their own initiative and say that they go on with doing what they came there to do instead of waiting for me to ask if they're gonna do it or not

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>>54686689
:(

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>>54688357

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>>54690872
>> every single time, i end up crying and/or curled up on the floor

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>>54692986
>>gets stabbed in his sleep
>>looks around room
>>tell him he can't see anyone
>>he says he goes back to sleep

>Every decision made by anyone is discussed and voted upon.
>Every scenario is treated super meta and everyone distrusts every character even if I gave no reason to do so.
>Have a player that always does dumb shit but thinks I'm picking on him.
>I'm nervous about him drying since it seems like he would quit.
>Killing anyone else would make it feel unfair since they are all geniuses by comparison.

I'm amateur so I don't know what to do here. If that guy leaves, his roommate would probably follow so I'm nervous. At the same time, it feels like he lowered the bar in terms of what's accpetable unpunishable behavior.

>>54695960
Must be nice to be so sheltered you think crying on the floor is a rational response to anything.

>>54711257
I mean if your rapist literally just finished I think it'd be fine.

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>>54705617
What the fuck, man? Make him stop.

Why do you let him come back???

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>>54692986
>>gets stabbed in his sleep
> >looks around room
> >tell him he can't see anyone
> >he says he goes back to sleep
> >another player has to watch over him because he is too retarded to find out who stabbed him and assumed they were just invisible and there was nothing he could do about them and gave up.

"I GUESS IT WAS JUST A RAT."

>>54711272
>not shooting your rapist
>not concealed carrying a sidearm at all times

deserved it desu

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>>54711403
>not shooting your rapist
>not concealed carrying a sidearm at all times
You called?

>>54711403
>But your rapist also has a gun and shoots you.
>But you have bigger gun, so you shoot him.
>But then he has an even bigger gun so he shoots back.
>You have a yet bigger gun, and shot him last, finally killing him.
>Despite you being shot first, his gun did not do enough damage to kill you, so you simply gain the EXP and move on.

When people on /tg/ or /v/ have to deal with real life violence.

>>54692986
>An Invisible man
>Sleepin' in my bed?

>>54711468
Freaky man baby

>>54696407
We're asking the questions here, buddy.

>>54711555
Are you?

>>54711484
Bustin makes me feel good!

>>54711214
You need a kitchen timer, just a cheapo one that you flip for two minutes.

Every time the players have to do something on a time crunch (respond to a character, choose an attack, deal with a trap) pull out the kitchen timer and let the players see it.

>>54685848
i have a friend like that and i want to fucking stab him, how can someone be so consistently late to everything

>>54709565
Sounds like your fault if they don't know what they're meant to be doing. You'll get the hang of that type of thing eventually.

>>54705806
>Kill me, I don't want to slip into forever DM.


Why would I kill you? You're already in Eternal DM. Don't forget, you're here forever.

>>54707325
>that player that lights up anything while we're inside
>it's not his own house
>after he's been told multiple times not to
>finally gets the picture and stops after someone threatens to shove the cigarette up his nose if he doesn't put it out
>later switch to vaping
>still uses it inside
>after being told not to, again
>"But it's not cigarette/weed/whatever drug he could name off the top of his head that minute."
>finally stops
>gets antsy and starts it up again 2 minutes later, gets offended when we call him a fucking addict
>blows smoke in someone's face as a response
>gets offended and storms out when said person snatches it from him and stomps his vaper into 20 pieces on the floor
>threatens to call the police
>never see or hear from him again

We just instant boot anyone who can't follow the "no smoking inside" rule these days.

>>54712855
I want to watch (note, not in anyway be a part of) a campaign with just crack/meth head players.

>>54713100
Breaking baD20

>>54713100
Trust me, you don't. When people tell you how much fun they had in a high/drunk campaign, it's because they were also high/drunk and their memories of it are mixed up as a result.

Playing with a group people under the influence of something is hand-down the most obnoxious fucking thing I've ever had to deal with, and I told my players that it is never something I'm doing again.

>>54696112
>tfw go to bed at 9pm every day of the week

im a morning person

Boy where do I start.
We mainly plat d&d 5th and while not bad some of the time, the party still drives me up the wall. Three players.

Player 1
>Power games a bit too much
>Rarely roleplays
>Has said "oh, I don't care" when given story relevant info
>Spends way too much time on his phone

I can forgive easier than player 2 since when he does roleplay he does it pretty well. I just wish he showed a little more investment in the game outside of when his next opportunity to hit something would be.

Player 2
The fucking problem player
>Doesn't read the rules
>Doesn't even read the rules for playing at my table
>Makes literally the same character ever time
>No backstory
>No major goal
>If he does have a goal it's usually something way out of his league or subjective (i.e. I wanna be the best swordsman in the land)
>Half the time has some shitty excuse why he can't play
>Never bothers to learn his characters abilities despite always playing the same thing.
>3 years of playing this game and still can't understand the core rules of the game.
>Makes no effort to do anything
>When he does decide to do something, it's usually something retarded like shooting the bandit leader unprovoked when there are 8 other bandits pointing weapons at them.
>Always complains about playing the same game, which if he bothered to actually learn how to play the game I'm sure he'd have more fun with it.
>So bad that the other players dread playing the games as well and player 1 doesn't want to play half the time because of him.

I finally kicked this guy after a while of dealing with his shit because it was just getting to me too much. I dreaded running any kind of game because he just brought this attitude to the table the physically and emotionally drained you of wanting to do anything at all. Downside is now I have a party of 2 and player 1 is spending more time working so who knows when I'll actually be able to run a game again.

>>54713503
Oh and player 3 is fine for the most part, they just need to learn to take the initiative and not hang back and let player 1 make all the decisions.

For once I would just like to play a game to completion with no stupid ass shit happening

>>54713503
Teach them to take the initiative and make plans by running a solo game desu

>>54714039
They've been getting better lately, I just really hope they won't regress since we're gonna go who knows how long before we play a game again. Tho a solo get for confidence might not be a bad idea actually

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>>54685848
>gets stabbed in his sleep
>looks around room
>tell him he can't see anyone
>he says he goes back to sleep
>another player has to watch over him because he is too retarded to find out who stabbed him and assumed they were just invisible and there was nothing he could do about them and gave up.
What was that noise?

>>54680624
I had this until I just started sitting there and playing on my laptop. They would get uncomfortable and ask "Well whats going on?" and I would reply with "Where you are nothing at all. Clue sunshiny skies." then go back to playing on my laptop. After a while they finally started getting the hint and asking to go places which I would immediately respond to. They didn't always get it right and it would lead to the silence again. After a few sessions they were masters of their own destiny keeping track of places I mentioned asking guides about the local area finding town maps or asking the barkeep whats in town. Really whipped them into shape. They were still retarded about diplomacy though. But I let that slide since it makes me feel good when they get WAY over their head and have fucking dragon cults hunting them down and never letting them sleep.

>>54706768
>The dragon attacks the lonely mostly forgotten road leveling everything in sight before flying off
>Then the rattlings burst from the ground in fresh hastily made tunnels pilfering everything they see before retreating back underground
>Then a fervent preacher points a PC out of a crowd that's not there and preaches to them about the end of days before exploding into a eldritch monster and grabbing random crowds folk from the crowd that's not there and blinking out of existence

>haven't GM'd in a while, starting to miss it
>last few games I've done have invariably ended with drama threatening to break up the friend group, so I won't run it with the same group of people
>two of them are siblings (and relatives of mine) who insist on monopolizing my time, and despite not working well together, absolutely insist on both being part of anything I want to run
they're both decent RPers, despite one of them having actual autism, but they play off each other's worst aspects when together
>both get whiny and bitchy if they don't see me MORE than once a week, when I'm already participating in a weekly game with a different, mostly functional group (sometimes twice a week, with different games), and trying to spend time with other people.
Our weekly game night has devolved into just playing Cards Against Humanity at our LGS, when we do anything at all. More often we just futz about on computers and shit.

>>54680624
>been DMing a M&M campaign to some friends for a while
>we always meet at my house
>game night comes
>waiting for group to appear
>it's 15 minutes past the hour and not a single player has come
>call one of them to see what's up
>"oh... you didn't know? we decided that it'd be better we moved game night to [player]'s house, guys did you tell anon about the change? no? well, that's too bad, guess we'll wait until you make it here"

Words could not express my rage

>>54694608
This is when you give him "Mark the Red" Syndrome. Anyone who isn't there is just terrain that follows the party around, until they show up. Its a little immersion-breaking, but there aren't many easy ways of dealing with absent players that don't break immersion.

>>54717363
My DM rules that the stress of adventuring triggers a nervous breakdown, and your character just kind of runs off into the woods for a while.

>>54717411
I enjoy this.

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>>54690872
>literALLY C R Y I N G

>>54680624
I swear, some people are just too dumb to be playing tabletop, and I think I have a few.

>Players traveling along.
>Come across some mountains, and they stop to investigate
>Come across a very old and powerful drake.
>Does not immediately attack, notices they're adventurers.
>Offers them a job, there are a group of some lesser drakes, and he'd like to hire a bit of extra muscle before the showdown.
>Explicitly mentions that he thinks he can take the "young upstarts", but didn't reach his second millenium by taking chances when he doesn't need to, offers the PCs quite a bit of money for their help.
>Players accept, get their own shit read,y and there's the big fight, with the PCs and some allies against almost a dozen drakes.
>Drake lord that hires them hangs in the back, casts a few support spells, but doesn't engage the enemy drakes until the party has already downed 6 of the 11 of them.
>Why the hell did you give us this powerful ally and not have him help? They whine after the battle.

>>54698706
In my experience, magic players get even saltier when you tell them they can't cast magic than martial players do when they get disarmed.

>>54722072
Well, a martial character can still punch the shit out of soneone. It might not be quite as effective, but it's certainly better than an impotent mage.

>>54722243
But a mage should be wise/intelligent/charismatic enough to be able to talk his way out of most situations. Especially when it's telegraphed by the GM that this is a diplomacy encounter jesus christ some people

>>54680624
>Make my own dumbed-down version of a system for the players to use since some of them are new to RPGs in general
>Give players a handful of different paths they can take, but at the same time allow them to do whatever they want-
>start making personal quests based on their backstories
>complex political system that the players can either involve themselves in or avoid entirely as they want
>One player- the one that's new to RPGs- has no backstory, no real character, forgets half of their abilities, dives deep into metagaming and and is unable to seperate themselves from their characters despite being a different gender, different race, different upbringing, etc.
>Now they complain that they're bored after an hour, no matter what we've done in that time. Combat, discussions, plotting, slice of life... Nothing scratches that itch for them.

I'm starting to lose hope, and since my game has only two players if they decide they don't want to continue then I'm out of the game.

>>54698706
>not casting Arcane Sight before you even walk in
>not having permenancied Arcane Sight inscribed on your eyeballs

That shit's so useful. Invisible enemies, magic item identification, everything.

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>players interrupt me mid-description
>players interrupt me mid-description to tell a joke
>players interrupt me mid-description to tell me that what I'm saying is wrong
>players interrupt me mid-description to go "is that a reference to x?!"

Why won't anyone let me finish speaking

>>54723068
Have you talked to them about it? What specifically do they want out of an RPG?

I feel like a lot of problems could be solved by you guys just taking the time to communicate (unless they're just a short attention span idiot, then kick them to the curb and get your other player to put out feelers for people who might be interested)

>>54723246
Yeah, I've tried talking to them about it. Quite a lot, actually, asking them what would bring them into the story some more. Most of the response I get is just 'I don't know'.

I also basically needle my players after every session for input. The latest thing I've started doing was gave them a handful of choices for their 'personal quest', since they didn't have a backstory for it, so now I'm hoping that brings them more into things.

As for kicking them out, that's not exactly a possibility.

I'm running a campaign for my brother and his family. His wife specifically is the one that isn't very interested in the game. We even asked her if she didn't want to play, but insisted she did.

>>54723319
>Most of the response I get is just 'I don't know'.

Sounds like she doesn't like or care about the story and might be trying to spare your feelings, or she's doing it because your bro's interested. Personal quests might help with that, but if it doesn't help I say give them an ultimatum.

>>54688087
Have somebody steal their shit.

>>54690872
You can't just drop hints like that and not tell us what happened, Anon. Don't be a fucking tease.

>>54693560
I was in a group that had a DM like that. I swear, I was the only member who wasn't a goddamned eunuch about the proceedings.

On one occasion a PC attacked me for offending an NPC who fucking broke into our apartment and started ordering us around.

>Group started out great, we had lots of fun together
>Things eventually broke down because I was putting in way too much work as GM and they were putting in too little
>They've lost their sense of creativity, turning conversations into not-so-witty quip-fests and two of the players seem to hate the thought of rolling low or anything bad happening to their characters
>Combat is always a slog because nobody pays up attention
With all of that said, why the hell am I still running games? Did I pick up Stockholm syndrome or something?

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>>54724054
Yes, probably. If it's gotten to the point where they're not even paying attention anymore and just want to be sassmasters, stop GMing for them. They either don't want what you're offering or don't appreciate it.

>>54711214
The ol' Paranoia trick is always a good one for these kinds of players.

>put them in a small room with a potentially hostile enemy
>have them talk for a bit
>enemy pulls a grenade from his pocket and pulls a pin
>pull out a timer set to some arbitrarily small length of time (10, 15, 20 seconds)
>start timer and watch chaos ensue

>>54723244
Be louder and talk over them?

>>54704520
>4 cones 5 kids
Truly a villain!

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>>54724487
Fool!

Lord Doom is surely volunteering his extremely precious time to teach these kids important life lessons about inequality, self-reliance and motivation.

Truely, Doom is the greatest leader alive today.

It rustles the shit out of me whenever someone says they don't like me. Like, I get that you need a game, everyone needs release. But of you don't like me, don't fucking show up and shit on the work I did.

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>DMing Numenera (I know, but I like the setting)
>Send overpowered killbot
>Glaive does a diving greatsword attack from above
>Needs 18 or higher
>Holy shit, he makes it
>Deals massive damage, takes massive fall damage
>Killbot folds in on itself, processing the Glaive into scraps of flesh
>DM is not fucking around
>Others run their asses away
>Most are burning their Speed Pools for checks to retreat, barely outpacing the killbot, even with buffed good rolls
>Dual-wielder is fleeing, but staunchly refuses to use his Speed Pool
>DM: ...um, are you sure? You have plenty of Speed, you saw what that thing can do, and he's catching up.
>DW: I said I'm fine! FFS!
>DM: ...alrighty, your funeral.
>He fails on the next Running check that would have been successful had he used Speed
>He gets ground into giblets
>BOTH players get revived through freak luck that would take way too goddamned long to explain
>DW warns other potential players about my killer games that are "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."

>>54709565
>ask them if they're going to do specific thing
>"yeah sure"
>are you sure? it's a really stupid thing to do
>"uhh...not then?"
>would you like to do a thing instead?
>"sure?"
>are you sure? it's a really stupid thing to do
repeat ad infinitum

It might not help them to make up their minds, but at least fucking with them is good for a laugh

>>54723244
Is that a jojo reference?

>>54724927
People straight up tell you they don't like you?

>>54690976
Seriously just fucking ban her. It'll teach her real fucking quick. She's late twice in a row, she doesn't get a third chance.

>>54685816
Yeah it's pretty frustrating. Players always rock up up late and then act like its no big deal, who cares.

Currently a player in a mates campaign and I'm the only one who ever shows up on time. Other two are either no show or appear 15-30 minutes.

Feel bad for the guy because his campaign is brilliant

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How about some GM anti-whine?
>have trio of players
>two are okay
>third guy is sometimes okay
>except when he's not
>in that case, the entire session must be details into a giant argument about how he's right and everyone else is wrong, which usually ends with him just disconnecting without any words after the rest of the party argues their points as to why he's wrong
>eventually reached a breaking point, I decide to boot him
>run with only two players for a little while until coming up with an idea for a new campaign
>get real excited at the ideas
>other party members are kind of bummed at the trio not being together even though the guy was a giant asshole, like a beaten housewives going back to an abusive husband
>manage to find a new player, bretty cool guy
>zero session, pipes up that he told his Australian friend (who I know is a cool) and now he wants to join because apparently
>have a new four player group
>everyone gets along great, currently having a total blast running compared to the depressing chore of running previously which was like treading a mine field for hours at a time
>mfw

>DM'ing for a group of players
>Have to go into the capital city of this land to speak to a contact for a new mission
>Don't even need to fight, but insist on killing every guard because 'that's how we roll'
>Town Guard goes on high alert
>Party find contact but ignore him because they're having too much fun killing, civilians have become free game
>Eventually the weight of town guard is too much and they die
>"You gave us an unwinnable situation, what were we supposed to do!?"

Later found out this group has been reading too many online dnd stories and wanted to do the old 'kill everything, including the orphanage because fuck them' gag

I don't care if players want to fuck around for shits, but you can't fuck everything up and blame the DM when it becomes too much

>>54702166
I dm online, so I like to play Vidya with my players beforehand.

>>54725758
It seems so. I don't freak out about it, I just don't understand.

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>>54727375
I like this. Got a similar one, with a sad end
>GMing group of 4
>2 are pretty awesome, one is a drama magnet, fourth is a roiling ball of mental illness
>kick mental guy because he gut-punched me over an argument about game events
>Drama magnet's BF replaces mental guy, game is good for a while.
>game breaks up over scheduling, which is bummer but nobody gets punched, which is nice
>eventually start up a game with just the 2 awesome guys, they're both proactive players and work well together, building characters that synergize really well.
>get a small mess of a game rolling, it's not my best work but it's fun for everyone
>stop abruptly because I total my car and don't have a replacement vehicle.
>have since replaced it, but still haven't gotten a game back together with my bros
>mfw

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>>54680624

>Bust ass every week during prep time
>Have cool friend send me messages about how shitty i am at DMing
>only person who thinks this
>ruins the game for players
>finally sick of his shit tell him to fuck off
>leaves everybody is happy never hear from him again
>tfw he was my best friend for 7 years

>>54717363

Another option is to have a player whom the absent player likes take control of their character for a while. The substitute player probably won't do a good job of it, but should do a better job than the GM, who is already plenty busy running the world and NPCs and all that.

>>54690872
Storytime!

>>54728367
Dude, you should learn how to kick people from your game and still be friends with them. If I had a friend who would manage to fuck up looking after my fish on holiday and get them dead, I'd still probably consider them my friends but would stop asking them to look after my fish.

>>54728717
I tried talking it out with him. He was the one who refused to talk to me. This is not the first time he would leave and come back.

This time he just leave forever.

>>54723244
Yeah, that's some suckage

Though, I work with kids so I'm used to giggling at their antics and regrouping their <3ms attention span to keep moving

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>>54728796
fuck people like that
I know that feel. You're probably better off, desu anon.

>>54724927
I had a player like that. Had nothing but complaints about my campaign. After a while I just told him to fuck off since he doesn't like the game at all

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>PCs arrive in new city
>they have multiple things to do
>one player goes, "you two do the one thing, and we'll go off and do something else"
>oh I get it, they're going to be doing the multiple objectives for their missio-
>"We'll go do tourist stuff"
>what
>all the players except for two get up and leave
>hear them whispering and giggling in the other room
>completely caught off guard
>they come back after a minute and sit down
>all start making eating sounds
>"mm, this is good reuben"

I don't understand

>>54731529
I'd have them mugged of all their equipment.

>>54731529
That RP just sort of happened to you, man. You weren't a part of it, you were a victim of it. The just went off and DM'd they're own little game, now it's canon, and you don't get to know what happened.

>>54731878
Now have them mugged for sure.

>>54731775
>>54732717
what is with you and mugging

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>asked by my sister and her boyfriend to DM a game
>first session, show up with hand drawn dungeon map
>all sorts of cool encounters and RP chances
>they play for an hour and a half and call it quits
>at 8:30
>on a Saturday night
>second session, a week later
>play for an hour
>"oh anon, we're too tired to keep playing sorry ;((("
>now barely halfway through the dungeon
> THIRD SESSION, A WEEK LATER
>they actually seem to be having fun
>we started earlier, around noon
>AND THEN THEY FUCKING END THE SESSION AT 2 O CLOCK
>RIGHT BEFORE THE FINAL ROOM OF THE DUNGEON
>"ANON WE'RE SO TIRED WE BARELY SLEPT AT ALL LAST NIGHT, LET US NAP ;(((("
>not 10 minutes after I go home they start playing Diablo 3
>for the next five hours

Fuck these crabs. They make me not even want to dm anymore. I hand drew a beautiful dungeon map for them, tried to engage them in my world and it's characters, and they spit on me. 3 and a half weeks to get through a 4-hour dungeon.

>>54733014
Tell them they need to invest more or you're going to replace them. Easy as pie.

>GM is constantly splitting the party
>When we're together we're stuck in combat after combat with dragons that come out of fucking nowhere
>One combat lasted three whole sessions to resolve
>Players have started playing on their phones, because there's literally nothing to do for over an hour because GM is with the other half of the party/fucking about with his massive combats again
>GM is now getting antsy that the players are all on their phones most of the session

Okay, I know it's annoying as a GM not having players pay attention, but fuck me, if you're going to split the party, jump back and forth between the multiple groups, don't leave people with nothing to do for hours. One session I literally did nothing since the GM decided to split me off on my own and had the others fight another fucking dragon.

>>54733014
Tell them that you'd love to run a game for them but that they have to respect the time you put into the game and the fact that you take a day out of your week to run it.

>>54733396
>gm decided to split me off on my own
under what circumstances, because unless a chasm literally seperated you from your party you should have just stayed with if you didnt want to split

>>54733014
Could we see the map? Perhaps it could be of use to others

>>54728367
The time frame is wrong but that almost makes me think you're my ex

Mark

>>54721432
I got one

>Player has a weird fixation on playing unarmed martial characters who specialize in disarming opponents.
>Every. Damn. System he plays a cripplingly overspecialized disarm monkey after being repeatedly told he would gimp himself by doing so.
>Gets pouty every time he gets in a fight where he isn't useful, and does stupid shit like trying to argue that he should be able to rip an opponent's arms off if they have no weapons for him to take.

>Find an IRL 5e group on Reddit
>5 players, including a husband and wife
>Husband wants to be a male human Pali, give the OK.
>Wife wants to be female kobold druid, give the OK.
>4 sessions, things go great. Intra-party drama, everybody jumping on my plot hooks but still doing things their own way, character's trying to get shit done.
>Session 5. Everyone is out camping on the way to a ruin filled with ancient blah blah blah.
>Kobold takes her watch. Nothing coming, so offer her chance to explain what she does in her down time.
>She goes to pali's tent and cast entagle

Wait... what.

>"Uhm... Pali, roll strength on disadvantage?"
>Fails
>"I climb on top of him and slowly caress his cheek."
>Husband and wife are looking at each other with white hot lust in their eyes.
>"I wake him up gently. I rub his crotch softly with my tail..."
>Other players looking at the ground.
>"He... He wakes up... You can make a strength check to escape..."
>"I pretend to struggle, but I can't help be intrigued..."
>"You...I don't think Lathandar would appreciate sleeping with a Kobold..."
>"That's why I'm so intrigued."
>"Ok... You two can work out what happens later... Uhmm... So the next morning."

Only after did I notice how often the husbands character description mentioned "muscles" and the wife's mentioned "curves." Other player later told me they did this to their previous DM who quit at mention of scalie sex.

They're still secret lovers and try and get me to describe/DM as much of their sex life as possible. I feel like I'm being used as a prop in their sex life. That said, they're still the best group I've played in, so I probably won't leave.

Please let me leave this magical realm.

>>54737054
Just tell them not to pull that shit at your table.

>>54737134
I asked them to stop/tone it down, they said they would. And they did cut back on the restraining and more blatant stuff, but I can tell exactly when they're using me, and actually RPing. They lower their head about six inches and shift eyes between me and each-other.

Worse though, it's largely their group of friends. The husband usually DMs, but he was bored of forever DM so he put feelers out on Reddit. I'm the stranger there.

As far as I know, the other players put up with it because these people are very good otherwise. It's just that once twice every session now...

I don't even have a problem doing ERP, I'd DM it if they just fucking asked me. I just cringe for the other people there and these two's very unusual lack of boundaries.

>>54692986
>gets stabbed in his sleep
>looks around room
>tell him he can't see anyone
>he says he goes back to sleep
>another player has to watch over him because he is too retarded to find out who stabbed him and assumed they were just invisible and there was nothing he could do about them and gave up.

Amazing.

>Be the forever GM
>Get group together
>Maybe a couple weeks of sessions
>"Hey, DMing looks easy I want to run a game and you're all invited"
>Everyone leaves to new game
>Game dies in no time
>This repeats
>Bring it up to the group
>"Get off your high horse, we don't see you running a game lasting very long either"

>>54694608
you shouldn't make calls after 9pm

>>54697233
Burn their home down. Serious answer btw. Have it be an agent of the BBEG.

>>54737303
I say pull them aside and tell them that you will DM ERP for them and that you're "highly interested" in doing so, just not at the table.

I can forsee one of three things happening
>they are creeped out and decide that they shouldnt be so public with their sexy times
>they want you to DM their ERP
>They leave the group after feelign awkward.

>make a campaign with several factions
>party decides to work for trade company that is known for being extremely greedy
>party complains when the company proceeds to be be greedy

Stop looking at your phones when playing

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>>54692986
>tell him he can't see anyone
>he says he goes back to sleep
Jesus christ my fucking sides

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>>54681982
My group has this issue.
One guy tried for like three sessions and got bored, and another has been 'working on his setting' for like three months.
The only time I get to play is when my cousin GMs Maid...

>>54733014
tell them not to fall for the new necro DLC, wizard is still broken for greaters and for everything else there's witch doctors

>>54688357
Good show, sir. Very good.

>played with a group for a year
>all seemed cool, aside from a lolrandom tendency
>DM like to flirt with another player, who is a pre-transit MtF tranny
>redFlag.jpg
>lol when tranny turned him down hard
>1 day, DM broke down cause depression
>mfw when he acted like a textbook incel and nice guy™
>stepped up to DMing
>aforementioned DM made a bard
>promptly ignored the plot and RPed a roofie rapist at the local bar
>itAllMakeSense.jpg
>miraculously, the other players dragged him into the game kicking and screaming
>mfw when a month later, both the DM and another player with edgelord tendency developed suicidal depression and ghosted everyone
First and last time I ever played with a r20 group. Lession learned: look for the red flag

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>>54680624
>Player 1 is solid overall, we enjoy the same style of games so we mesh well, enjoys fleshing out their character in roleplay, not the kind to praddle on too long about unimportant shit, sometimes ends up quietly backseating to less interesting players simply to be polite which is fine
>Player 2 is solid for the most part but has his bits of autism, pretty straight forward guy. High tendency to have the stupidest fucking ideas but they usually turn out to be leagues more interesting than the alternatives so I let it slide
>Player 3 praises and idolizes character development but never develops his own character, interrogates anything more complex than an inclined plane and hides minmaxing under a weak guise of supposed development when it's pretty obvious he just wants his numbers to be bigger, will talk and talk and talk for hours if you let him but somehow only manage to ask the same three questions over and over again
>Player 4 just wants to be "chaotic good rebel on the wrong side of the law" or "lawful stupid cockblock" every fucking game, couldn't think of an original idea to get himself out of a cardboard box, very stubborn when it comes to his ideas and plans but gets buttrustled whenever someone pushes him in a direction that isn't his, creating needless friction

>party is 3/4ths murderhobo
>never uses anything that happens in gameplay (major events, downtime, character arcs) to develop a character, reverting to their jolly old selves after anything interesting happens
>game accommodates for what they say they want during the week (rolep[lay! character interactions! immersions! lots of NPCs and organization to interact with!) but they only ever opt for murder
>tfw quickly losing motivation to prepare what they want then backseat it all for killing for money every fucking week

Like what the fuck is the point anymore?

>>54732735
Don't question me, I'll have you mugged.

I got mugged once and haven't left my house in nearly a year, it taught me to not do dumb things like walk to work.
I lost my job, my friends and my family hates me. Send help. I think if I got stabbed people would be more lenient but nobody gives a shit.

>>54685816
>guy in our group always turns up 30-40 minutes late
>hasn't brought his sheets since the first session and we're 6 in
>barely contributes

>>54737303
>I don't even have a problem doing ERP, I'd DM it if they just fucking asked me. I just cringe for the other people there and these two's very unusual lack of boundaries.

;_; You're such a nice guy anon I'm sorry you got the short straw. Maybe... bribe them off with that to keep the shit 100% out of the game? Bless you.

>>54707325
I would smoke with that skellie until we both had no lungs.

Rattle rattle puff puff.

>>54739450
Nigger assuming you are not baiting what did you gave him? Did he even have a gun or a shitty knife?Where do you live?Why haven't you gone to a therapist?

People have broken the entrance of my door once while I was sleeping, other time they just left through a window when they hear me returning from work and I just carried on and put bars in the windows and put new locks on the door. I have been mugged by druggies who don't even care if as long you are giving him something from your pocket, but that kind of stuff happens when you go to the store at 3 am.
t.Latin American

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>"Anon can you run D&D 3.5 for us?"

>"No I don't want to."

>"Why not?"

>"I've had one too many bad experiences with it in highschool and it soured me on the whole game."

>"Well come on man a few bad experiences shouldn't ruin your opinion on a game!"

>"Okay... oh yea would you be interested in me running REIGN for you at some point?"

>"Nah."

>"Why?"

>"I played it once and it was boring."

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>>54739643
I know all about that life.
>hey group, want to try this system?
>why don't you just run that setting in 3.5 for us, anon?

Players who can't figure out how time zones work so I can schedule a session.

>>54683472
>filthy two copper whores

Oh, hello fetish

>>54723068

It sounds like you might be that DM

>>54728316
Nigger put that game back together.

Email your bros right now.

"I miss DMing for you guys. We had a great time, you made me feel really appreciated and you were a joy to work for. It's been a while, but what do you think about starting a new campaign? Just the three of us for now while we get the ball rolling."

If you miss them, tell them! And if it doesn't work at least let them know that you appreciated them and valued the effort they put in.

>PC is a royal agent infiltrating a safehouse belonging enemy faction's spy, while being assisting by an infamous criminal who shares a common goal at the moment
>finds a chest inside of the house, ignores it
>PC: "Hey criminal, you can take that chest as your reward for helping out."
>PC didn't bother investigating or opening the chest
>PC assumed it was trapped and not worth the risk of checking, despite having the aide of a criminal whose expertise is disarming traps
>the chest was full of royal documents the enemy spy stole and had stored for safekeeping
>the PC just handed off a chest of top-secret royal documents to an infamous criminal

>>54727443
Players like this baffle me. Why not go play GTA or Fallout if you just want an NPC killing simulator?

>>54734292
Kidnapped by the BBEG. Repeatedly.

At one point I tried to sacrifice myself to take her down. He overruled it and said I got captured instead. At one point I got swept up by a dragon.

Mainly it's 'have an unbeatable NPC show up and force me to go with them because I can't beat them or escape'.

>>54742020
I would tell him straight up if I could not affect the story I want a different character.

It seens like a shit thing to do but it is a clear warning shot to dms who are not using smoke and mirrors well enough.

>>54680624
Jarod get the fuck off /tg/ and let me raise a skeleton army

>>54680624
>GM Pathfinder
>Player maximizes Armor Class with 10 Dex
>Most things of appropriate CR can't hit them worth a damn plus they're a healing cleric
>Gets passive aggressive when I throw Combat Maneuvers at him.

>Player is playing a monk.
>In a multi-room encounter, Monk isolates an archer
>Archer drops his bow and pulls his emergency melee weapon
>Gets melee weapon knocked out of its hands
>Player just keeps rolling flurry of blows despite the Archer clearly having good enough AC that his punches won't land consistently.
>Completely forgets about Combat Maneuvers
>After that session, player tells me how frustrating it was to slapbox with a brick wall for an hour.

At least he admitted he was a clod when I reminded him he was playing a goddamned monk.

>>54739574
I'm white as shit and they got nothing from me. I kicked one of them in the side of the leg and booked it into traffic, hauled ass until I was at my place of work and tried to work until the adrenaline wore off. At that point, panic and fear took over and I had to be escorted out of the fucking fast food joint because every colored fucker coulda been a robber.

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>>54740544
*2

>>54707413
>7-10 players

what in the actual fuck

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>>54713150
>not doing grievous damage to your flesh prison via sleep deprivation

>>54692986
>>gets stabbed in his sleep
>>looks around room
>>tell him he can't see anyone
>>he says he goes back to sleep
>>another player has to watch over him because he is too retarded to find out who stabbed him and assumed they were just invisible and there was nothing he could do about them and gave up.

"Probably just the wind."

>>54717363
I've come up with scenarios specific to each player character that pop up if the player is absent.

>preacher tending to a flock
>psyker studying Pandaemonium
>assassin chasing a contract
>heretek researching heretekally
>crusader doing minor purges or in an unresponsive sleep due to nightmares (he was exorcised)

Doesn't make a massive amount of sense if the characters bail IC I guess, but if the mission gets completed the Inquisitor should be happy anyway.

>>54697233
Reminds me of the supers game I am in. Basically, the GM decided to have us play Mutants and masterminds PL6 "street level" (haha) in a setting where other supers from previous campaigns he ran exist. And some of his players played the previous characters/know how they think and so on and so forth.

There we are, trying to save the world from a zombie virus outbreak that might mean the eradication of humankind... as PL6, when an UFO approaches earth. (The virus came from space nazis btw and the UFO looked like elongated zeppelins... at least from some footage that we were privy to)

What does our glorious party do? Absolutely nothing. In the meantime, one player argues that a PL12 Superwoman that can literally fly at the speed of light would probably go and smash up whatever asteroid is hurtling toward earth. Everyone remembers the previous character and go like "Yeah... that sounds exactly like what she would do."

So the party continues working on the cure and in the meantime an NPC takes care of the UFO coming to earth with a few attacks because fuck if we could do anything to stop an Armageddon scenario.

>>54704912
In my experience, talking to people helps a lot.

It weeds out those with rice-paper-thin skin and makes the others grow more mature.

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>>54706905
I feel sort of bad for doing something similar... in a Vampire: the Dark Ages game I made a devout catholic soldier who will be a crusader eventually.

>>54685816
I'm the DM and I'm currently dealing with alcoholism and have missed a few of our scheduled sessions.

If any of my players see this, sorry about yesterday.

>>54713503
What stake does Player 1 have in the story?

>>54682235
Something really similar with muy players
>Huge barbarian player tailing an elf girl at night because reasons
>Guards sees them, and decides to stop the PC and ask some questions
>PC attack and kills one guard. The other sounds the alarma
>Players got angry because they are wanted criminals now

>>54717363
In my games every time someone it's absent, an alien ship appears and abduct them for anal probing

>>54744163
Hey man, everyone slips up now and then. You've got this. You're doing good.

>>54690872
sounds like it's your fault desu

>>54739643
I got around this via "Give me 2 sessions of (system) and I'll give you 2 sessions of 3.5" with the understanding they'd at least try to work with me.

I forget what system it was that time, but they ended up enjoying it and it turned out the previous shitty experience was a 3.5 GM who hated the other system because it wasn't 3.5, and intentionally ran it poorly to make the rest of his group hate it too when they wanted to try it.

>>54700146
Kinda defeats the purpose of playing as a group if you purposely split up for long periods of time with no plan of coming back together. That siad you could have easily gotten creative and said a storm blew in or something and stalled him until next session instead of saying you don't have anything prepped

>>54709565
>blinking first
come on man, you aren't there as hired entertainment. Describe the scene then wait for them to react, don't spoonfeed

>>54750294
I've had players in groups like this, you absolutely have to spoonfeed them.

If you don't, they will just give you blank stares for literally hours, or just follow with whatever the one actually doing things is.

This is how one session ended up with an entire entourage of near-demigod level beings spending 5 hours shopping for curtains.

>>54743894
I'm in the same boat. Eleven of us total although it's usually seven to nine of us. A curse of abundance.

>>54723244
be more interesting

alternatively, kill them with some asspull and claim you said it when they weren't listening

>>54737303
I mean it's kinda stupid, and my gut reaction is disgust, but really what's the harm in narrating a bit of stuff for them, maybe make it on the funny side and then just cut it off after a minute or two. Give the poor souls something to spice up the bedroom life later. I'm sure the rest of the table will get over it if you play along but keep it brief

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>>54741852
Would've been even better if the safehouse was really belonging to the opposite faction and the criminal was actually the enemy spy.

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My players.
Number 1
>Pretty new
>Has trouble taking initiative or goes way overboard
>As in, he either skips turns doing nothing in combat, or he tells NPCs every secret the party knows
>When his character gets yelled at for doing something stupid, he takes it personally OOC
>Other players give him shit OOC
>Both of the above make sense, as he's just stupid sometimes
>He's not playing a character with a flaw, he's just a sperg who stresses over tabletop game decisions
>Can hear him sweatily pacing his room while trying to decide what to do in stressful situations

Number 2
>Most characters have lots of 'lel I get drunk' moments
>Cannot play a character who isn't just a mirror of him
>Same morals, personality, everything
>Sometimes he'll add on a gimmick, but it's just overlaid with the same character as last time
>Is always right about everything, character NEVER learns lessons or develops, no matter how bad he fucks up

Number 3
>Goofy character concepts
>RPs semi decently
>Tends to tackle things bluntly for shits and giggles
>Will do whatever he's allowed to get away with, but isn't actually bad if you keep him reigned in
>Often late or doesn't show up, won't admit to wife he plays these games, so she makes plans and he doesn't have the testicular fortitude to point out that he's had plans on this night and time for YEARS now

They're all annoying as fuck in certain ways, but it could be a lot worse. They don't murderhobo and are willing to be railroaded for short periods so long as I let them know and it leads to a new area with freedom. We also have similar tastes in how lethal games should be, settings, systems, etc etc.