That Guy/Gm thread

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>>54674562
I feel your rage

I had a player bitch and moan about being saved by another player at the cost of player 2's character; he even insulted him for it OOC.

>>54674946
>insulted him OOC
Well, would be hard to insult incharacter if his character is dead.

>>54675809
Well, in character he kept insulting the dead knight behind through the end of the night. OOC, he called this player, who has a touch of tism, a fucking retard.
Night ended with people pissed off at one another and me telling them all to fuck off until they could learn how to sit peacefully around a table again.

There's more to it than that but it'd take a while to type out.

>Hate my character
>Trying to find some excuse to use so that I can finally roll a new one
>Chance finally comes to dispose of my shitty character
>Another guy in my party decides to "save" me and takes the hit with his char instead and dies
>Have to keep playing this shitty character now and the guy expects me to be all appreciative towards him because he chose to kill his character to "save" mine

My bad gm story, actually sad because he's a good friend and we all had a lot of fun in the storytelling/rp parts, but he made combat so fucking retarded bad with some houserules.

Shadowrun 5e : Spirits are pretty strong already as it is. To attack in the real world, spirits need a turn to materialize from the astral plane, then on the next turn they can attack. GM houseruled that they could materialize AND attack as one action. Enter broken ass shit game.

Every. Fucking. Fight : Our shaman goes unconscious before the fight even starts. Every fucking encounter starts with "You feel a chill run up your spine... as a spirit materializes right in front of you and attacks you!". Roll Damage. Roll Defence. Shaman being a weak ass character goes down in 1 attack. THEN roll initiative... So no one in the team could react to this surprise attack.

GM's reason : "I'm playing the game as it's written and I'm not pulling any punches... you guys need to take care and learn from previous mistakes I know you guys are new to Shadowrun but you'll get the hang of it!" Tip : He wasn't playing the game as it's written because spirits need a full turn to materialize.

Now we become 100% paranoid about spirits at every encounter. Scouting in the real world, Scouting in the astral plane, Shaman always gets 1 shot by a surprise spirit.

My first char dies (cybered street sam) so instead I come back with a physical adept with Astral Perception to help in the astral scout & defense part.

Next game, we're now 2 magic users that can scout the astral, we're both doing perception checks both in the real world and in the astral plane... Nope, spirit materializes and downs our Shaman in one shot. Again. The game fell off soon after and I'm glad I found a cool GM to play D&D with now, fuck Shadowrun and fuck playing with this gm.

>>54674562
>"Because I'm not a munchkin minmaxer, I'm trying to play a concept not an optimized statblock"

I hate this shit so goddamn much. It's only ever used as an excuse why they made a terrible fucking character, either due to lack of system knowledge or a willing desire to fuck over everyone else at the table. The group isn't there to babysit your dumb ass, so make a half decent character you stupid fuck.

>>54674562
>New in town
>Go to LGS
>Find that EVERYONE there is a retarded munchkin, who seems to not get that stuff might exist in a world for reasons other than the immediate benefit of the PCs.

I've never had to deal with questions like these before, such as

>Why would there be a secret route into [city], we can just use the gates?
>Why would [religious group] have copies of their religious texts in the shrine that they own and operate, they're not magical, they don't give spells?
>Why would the barkeep mention that a given mansion in town is up for sale, when we're not allowed to buy it by virtue of being foreigners?
>Why do we find construction materials in this town under construction when we search the warehouses instead of stuff we can actually use?
>Why do half the cities we go to have refugees fleeing from the monsters that are attacking, they never have any quests or anything?
They also murdered a wandering cleric because he advised them to stay away from the closest city if they were feeling ill ( a plague had been going around), because "No shitter tells us what to do"

I have only run 3 sessions for these people, and I've already had 4 turnovers. I'm strongly considering arson.

>>54676578
Don't waste your time and energy on shitty players

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>>54674562
It's nothing special, but notorious in that GM, as far as i know, doesn't visit /tg/

>Roll20 game
>GM describes elves in the setting as "young-looking and universally attractive"
>oh boy here goes the elf wank-
>"Furthermore they have been enslaved by humans for so long that they had their disobedience bred out"
>pic related
>"Elves are a servile race now, eager to please their masters"
>[pic related intensifies]
>GM then encourages us to take elf slaves (wat do)
>this is not what i signed up for
>The one elf slave (wat do) taken by a character acts to him like a stereotypica anime waifu
>leave the game
>close the tab
>die a little more inside

>>54676377
That's entirely your own fault anon (yes I know this is a reference to >>54675888)

>>54674562
That is like being an engineer IRL who only took art classes in college, or a bard who mutilated his own vocal cords. Why would any character in this universe actively sabotage themselves to such a degree? That's almost more illusion breaking than playing a pure, unfeeling stat block.

>>54676618
The biggest shock to me isn't that there are shitty players. I've dealt with shitty players before. But so far I've run for 9 different people here, and the best of them I'd rate as mediocre. Shit is the norm, which is bizarre.

>>54676655
I understand your pain. Magical realms are fuckin' weird.

>dramatic scene at the end of the game
>beloved NPC is being judged and unjustly convicted of crimes he did not commit
>all players are invested in the scene like hell
>That Guy decides he hasn't had enough screentime (after spending half the game roleplaying mental breakdowns to attract attention)
>starts intervening in the middle of the Queen's speech, claps loudly and cheers while everyone (including the accusers) is somber and almost in mourning
This was the last straw of a very thick bushel he had used up over the course of years of awful roleplay and his character was promptly suicided during the night by a mix of PCs and NPCs
No one in the group has talked to the retard since and we're all doing so much better

>>54674562
I don't understand why you would even let this person come back. This person clearly makes the game worse for everyone involved, why suffer through it when you're supposed to be doing something enjoyable?

>>54676804
Holy shit, I've seen high schoolers fake mental breakdowns/mental illness to get attention, but RPing mental breakdowns is somehow on an even worse level.

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>>54674562
>Get invited to a game
>GM is an old friend of mine, known him for years
>Have been told nothing about this campaign. All I know about it is that he's having some troubles with his players and wants to use me as an example
>Enter stage left
>"Hey guys I brought Pizz- what the fuck?"
You know those movies about DnD where people dress up as their characters to play as at the table? Imagine that but with furries.
>guess I'll just try
>explain that there is literally no need to wear suits because it's hot as shit out and the house has like no AC
>get yelled at
>fine whatever keep your dumb cum stained rags on
>Get caught up with the campaign
>It was SUPPOSED to be an apocalyptic scenario where the original heroes of the realm failed to kill the lich, and these new players were playing in the aftermath
>managed to turn it into motherfucking Bleach somehow because one of the characters was supposedly some kind of "reaper"
>sigh as I co-DM with ma boi in a desperate attempt to get things back on track
>do this for three sessions before I quit
>Literally anything I tried to do was getting derailed constantly because of one weaboo fuck who kept thinking he just didn't have enough attention.
>hear that the fallout was apocalyptic in and of itself for everyone involved except for my DM buddy
>MFW one of the old players tried to contact me recently
I've only heard stories of these kinds of people from 4chins. Never thought I would come across them.

>>54676945
>You know those movies about DnD where people dress up as their characters to play as at the table? Imagine that but with furries.

And that is when you should have left.

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Had a guy apply to a game I was in with a character that I am still not sure whether it was meant to be ironic or not. She was a blind silver haired girl whose class was Mechanic but somehow had a magical "mind's eye" that let her see normally. This is ostensibly how she would managed to fly the airship that she owned at level 1.
Oh, and she could see the future sometimes.

>>54677038
>She was a blind silver haired girl
>Mechanic
>"mind's eye"
>This is ostensibly how she would managed to fly the airship that she owned
>Oh, and she could see the future sometimes
I think I've watched this show before.

>>54676655
>GM then encourages us to take elf slaves (wat do)
I wonder what GM's reaction would've been if a player responded to that with "My character would sooner slit his own wrists".

>>54676945
>who kept thinking he just didn't have enough attention.
what? like whenever a plot hook gets dangled in front of him he'd just say "I don't think I can see this plot through, I'm going to go do jack diddly"?

>>54674562
>Gm is awful and barely attempts storytelling
>get in situations where we should be expected to die or be seriously injured
>npc saves us with asspull
>ends up just being just a dice rolling session and dungeon crawling (the worst part)
>try to interject to bring some story in- let's not do this, let's kill these guys
>met with disapproval from all and a let's not do that attitude.
>try to reason with npcs and ask about other situation, no you can't do that, no no no etc.
>try to kill character but can' because of npcs.
>the game continues but I can't quit because I don't want to upset the gm and the other players.

>>54677245
Sometimes he just plugs it into his own narrative, other times he just ignores it entirely, yeh

My college had an impressive D&D club, about 40-50 students strong. Of them about 70 percent were well adjusted, and those that weren't tended toward awkward but good players. But one kid stood out. This is the story of FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT.

>At the introductory meeting, playing a faux game with preassigned groups.
>Me, a good friend of mine, two other who are unimportant, club officer DM and FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT
>Handed out randomly generated 3.5e lvl 6 character sheets.
>I get wiz, friend gets pali, others get fighter and thief, FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT gets cleric
>7 other groups running a simultaneous adventures between two rooms
>Standard dungeon crawl, a little puzzling here and there
>Not for FFA
>Every problem we run across he simply yells at the table "FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT" and does it
>It's impossible to explain how he says this, but he has this confidence in his voice
>As if what he is saying is applicable or makes sense and he looks like a fucking bad ass because of it.
>Everyone at the other tables glances at him when he says it.
>At points of combat, he also only attacks.
>DM tried to at least make him RP having to walk somewhere, putting the monster just out of reach of his full move.
>He moves once, as close as he can get, then attacks the ground.
>Rolls to fucking FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT the ground.
>DM wants to "never say no" and lets him do it.
>Next turn FULL FRONTAL ASSAULTs the monster, smiling triumphantly.
>After the fight, some of us are messed up.
>FFA refuses to heal us, saying that's not the type of cleric he is.
>Literally healing is half his spell sheet.
>Pali heals us mostly.
>Faux adventure ends with us fighting a bird monster of some kind,
>thief throwing daggers, me throwing spells, pali trying to rip him back down to earth, fighter shooting some arrows.
>FFA does nothing until he can FFA it.
>Never give him the chance and kill it in air.

I learned a bit more about FFA over the years if anyone is curious for more.

>>54676895
>I don't understand why you would even let this person come back
Because I'm not the GM
>why suffer through it when you're supposed to be doing something enjoyable?
I informed my GM and group about my problem with this issue, I give myself 1 session, if that session is as horrible as the last one, I'm out

>>54677279
>I learned a bit more about FFA over the years if anyone is curious for more.
Hit us.

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>>54677279
Did you play with this guy?

>>54677279
I require more of FFA for this dying thread

>>54677279
sounds like an autist's attempt at being a typical shonen protagonist

seconding more stories

>>54677376
>typical shonen protagonist
Just play Berserker. They're basically every anime trope already.

>>54677271
see I often get around this by having the PC's be part of an organization, case in point being part of the Alliance to Restore the Republic (AoR), or the Imperial Inquisition (DH). Because then it's their JOB to follow plot hooks , or in the case of DH, failing to follow a plot hook could result in the quest-giver blowing the PC's head off.

Actually that player sounds like he'd be fun to have in a Dark Heresy game now that I'm talking about it. If only to see his reaction when the Inquisitor executes his special snowflake for failing to investigate whatever weirdness he was supposed to investigate and nothing he says or does can retcon-away said execution.

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>>54677391
>Blow off the main campaign
>Your character's head gets blown off

>>54677252
Have you brought up your concerns to the gm?

I once had a game of Dark Heresy where all the PCs died, of their own fault, before they even started the mission
It was pretty spectacular but I don't want to type it for nothing

>>54677596
What do I have to pay you to hear this story? I own an entire collection of screencaps of the Dota 2 guy's face from the trailer.

>>54677512
No because like I said I don't want to upset him. Everyone else seems to enjoy themselves so I don't want to ruin the game for them but I've played other games which are better so it's hard to have to just dice roll in this one.
It's probably evident I am discontent on playing though because I'm not as into it as the others, partly because I'm not really close to these people- I only play dnd with them once a week and there's not alot to roleplay because of the lack of story.

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>>54677344
>>54677367
>>54677376
More FFA stories it is.

>>54677352
Lol.

I never played with him again, but I was on good terms with his designated GM. This was my third year in the club, and I knew the officers well. No one wanted him after the opening session, so they drew straws.

He may or may not have had a touch of the tisms.

He was, in addition to being obsessed with FFAs, obsessed with MLP and Smash Bros. Before sessions, I'd listen in on him while he played it on his DS. He role played while playing smash.

That bears repeating.

>HE ROLE PLAYED PLAYING SMASH

He would set up practice mode and play as Bowser (always Bowser) against whoever was in his story that week. Usually Mario, Peach, Sonic, and Ness. He would spawn assist trophies and claim that the resulting character was his minion, doing his bidding.

The story usually was that he was trying to romance and rescue Peach away from an abusive Mario, with help from Sonic. In stories after Bowser's rescue of Peach, Ness played Mario and Peach's son, who Bowser adopted and treated better than Mario did.

In the sessions they had, he eventually got a little better, but he didn't understand that he wasn't the main character, and often attempted to do anything to get the attention drawn on him. It simply didn't happen, though. The other players almost walked out of the sessions a few times.

What stands out most in my mind was the time he passed me on the way to the designated meeting spot.

This man did not walk, did not run, did not jog, did not bike, did not skate board, didn't even skip to his fucking loo.

THIS MOTHER FUCKER GALLOPED! GALLOPED ACROSS CAMPUS! WITH AN MLP BACK PACK AND 3DS IN TOW!

>>54676409
seriously, the idea that you can't play an optimized character who is also a good concept is insane to me.

Like, they're adventurers. And based on that post, they're not exactly new to this. Your character has to have been relatively competent to make it beyond level 1 In Character.

>>54677618
I was just checking if there was interest
Hol' up lil' nigga, let me get to it and I'll post the tale of Damned If They Do, Oh Damn They Did

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>>54677636
>HE ROLE PLAYED PLAYING SMASH

>>54676377
Okay, fine. Here's the story:

>Group is traveling for different reasons to acquire special item blah
>Problem player is playing a pretentious wizard with a god awful accent
>whatever.dealwithit
>from the start of the first session he is threatening other players and is openly hostile to those who have been assigned to protect him
>argues in circles with the ranger, who is supposed to be guiding the group to swamp with magical item, about who can track better because he succeeded on a perception roll that the ranger failed
>argues with the knight who has been assigned to protect said wizard for the reason that, as best as I can figure out, he ALSO has a shitty accent
>adventure proceeds and wizard is busy doing stupid shit
>for example
>1: outpost inn is set on fire by marauders so to quell confusion and keep people from running out of the inn, he cast entangle (or maybe it was web) which prevented most people from leaving including one NPC
>2: sets himself on fire during that same encounter through a mishap and jumps down the well to put himself out
>3: threatens the knight who pulls him out that if he ever helps him again, he'll kill the knight because he's a strong independent wizard who don't need no martials
>next session, side tracked by tracking down marauders from last game. Slowed by bad rolls from the ranger
>wizard is reminding him how useless he is
>nonmagicgimp.haha
>reach strange tower ruin hideout of the bandits
>wizard argues for 1 hour about going down into it when rest of party wants to move on; eventually starts arguing in circles with himself ooc
>party caves and proceeds down into tower
>eventually skelly battle; group nearly tpks on bad rolls
>party is glad to be alive, oh but not Mr Wizard!
>argues and yells at group some more

>>54677596
Type it out faggot don't tease us

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>>54677596
>>54677618
>>54677659
>>54677768
a bit of background first
>be 16-17 at the time, pretty serious and autistic kid
>decide to try and DM at local LGS and put up an ad on their games board
>of course, the grognards refuse to play with a kiddie
>finally manage to assemble a party
>all teens, between 15-16, stereotypical pasty/pimply nerds, apparently they hung out at the store all the time
>overjoyed to have found people my age to play with, really excited, prepare a lot of stuff
>have planned a short Dark Heresy scenario, illegal xenos trade in the underhive, a bit of bureaucratic navigation and general down and dirty sewer combat with gangsters looks our way and
>on that fateful day, as we go to one of the game rooms, I can see the grognards flashing amused looks my way and snickering abundantly
>a chill runs down my spine, but I choose to ignore it
>settle around the table and hand out some premade characters
>while they're choosing, one of the grognards comes into the room and asks if he can stay for a bit, with a shit-eating smirk on his face
>accept, no problem with that, but yet, my concern grows as I watch my players argue among themselves in shrill voices about who gets to play the psyker

ye ok

>playing with an online group
>cool group of fellows; 2 i know IRL but we live too far away from each other to game
>and then 1 dude from a FB group we're all in
>group is travelling through a wintery forest type place
>find caravan that has been ransacked; not unusual given the scarcity of food and the advent of bandits
>find a young boy whose sister has been kidnapped
>DO GOODING INTENSIFIES, kill a fuckload of bandits, save sister, parents are dead af tho.
>Agree to take kids with us to the next town, where we can give them over to an officer of the Adventuring Guild we're in
>Generally cute RP of murder hobos with a conscience trying to take care of 8-9 year old kids
>but FB boy
>FB boy keeps wanting to take the female kid off for 'private lessons'
>keeps commenting ICly about how cute she is
>keeps giving her sweets that he carries with him for some reason
>by the time we reached town, everyone agreed not to let him take her off alone, or even be out of sight with her; maternal witch lady I'm playing is 90% sure he's a child rapist
>we reach town, give the kids off to that officer
>confront weird boy about it ICly
>'i wouldn't dream of making a move on her while she's so young!'
>'I mean maybe when she was older...'
>thankfully he dies in the fight against the BBEG at the very end of the campaign

tl;dr ranger loli-loving degenerate attempts to groom a 7 year old girl into wanting his cock when she's older. Was pretty god damn creepy.

His tirade has literally cost the night; 6 hours to track 4 people, walk down a staircase, fight 2 skeletons, and heal up from the battle. Have a serious talk with him about table etiquette; doesn't even try the "it's just the character" meme, says he'll do better next game.
>Next session starts with the party finding an active portal to a desert
>party wants to leave, Wizard wants to go in
>most of the party gives up and is on the wizards rails now
>prepare to venture from grasslands to Death Valley via magic and proceed through
>head to some ruins in the near distance
>columns rise a hundred feet with a giant bottomless pit below
> thin crumbly bridge leads to dais suspended over the pit
>without hesitation, Mr Wizard sprints across and grabs the orb floating just above the dais
>nat20.meme
>not counting on his luck holding, he ties a rope off and prepares to run back over
>gargoyle climbs up behind wizard
>group says nothing, just watches in anticipation
>wizard fails dex check badly and falls, rope catches him
>literally first preplanned action of the 4 sessions of this game
>gargoyle being malicious, starts to play with the wizard, batting him around like a piñata
>group starts firing arrows but shit rolls mean the arrows either miss or bounce off the gargoyle's hide
>knight can't let his charge die; jumps toward the gargoyle
>critical success
>heroic as fuk
>gargoyle fails strength check, starts to fall while knight holds on Gandalfing the gargoyle like the balrog it's not
>Knight takes some pride knowing he saved a character, he did his duty despite how he felt
>wizard is glowering and pouty
>give knight player some extra exp for his next character roll up

>>54677847
>wizard has had enough, starts yelling about stolen glory, stupid characters, "I have to do everything around here", he (points at knight guy) is an idiot and doesn't deserve any reward, he's retarded
Now knight guy is on the spectrum, and when he hears all of this, he's not entirely sure how to express himself. He quietly begins making his next character without looking up from his book. The rest of us calm wizard down; unfortunately we're at his place and most of us want to keep gaming.
>mood changes
>while some are sad at the loss of their companion, others are quietly angry at the wizard guy for acting like a childish piece of shit
>group eventually makes it out of the portal to a mountain mining boom town
>shenanigans at the brothel, tavern, and smelter
>group is dicking around before new character enters the scene: a rogue
>RPd like a pro, proceeds to call out wizard (who was being abrasive and loudly uncharismatic in the tavern) on how unlikely he is to survive out in the mountains with his current gear choices
>offers his services, easy entry to game
>nope.fuku
>rogue steals his coin purse
>here we go
>rogue leaves and wizard notices a short time later
>hires thugs to go find his money and bring it back
>hires thugs...to find and return his money. Thugs.
>I can't face palm hard enough
>Rumors about thugs turning over travelers looking for money under wizard's authority
>Wizard decides to skip town

>>54677883

>not before I'm done with you bucko, you gonna learn today
>he runs into same thugs beating a small merchant for his coin on his way out through the market
>this one ain't got your gold boss, we asked him real nice
>wizard attacks thugs, marketplace fight
>ranger is watching from afar, takes his chance
>misses the wizard, hits a commoner
>panic at the market
>more arrows continue to fly, killing more commoners
>rogue enters the fray to take from the dead
>cleric enters waving holy symbol and screaming at the top of her lungs to calm down
>wizard takes out the remaining thugs and runs out of town
>ranger extorts local shop to basically steal a +1 longbow and runs out of town to hunt the wizard
>rogue also tracks the wizard for reasons unknown
>cleric stays in town to clean up and use cure spells on dead people
I picked up my shit and left.

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>>54677801
>game starts with them arriving from on a world by spaceship, on a mission for their inquisitor
>some guy greets them and informs them they have been taken care of and drives them to a shabby hotel
>tell them that they have some time before dark and they could go see the district around, maybe gather some info
>their contact will be in touch in the morning with their mission details
>at this point, I should mention they were already being very loud and the friendly neighborhood neckbeard was staring at us intently
>the psyker and guardsman stay at the hotel, while the scum, arbites and assassin go to a bar to test the waters of the place ...
>... or so I thought
>they start asking questions around
>assassin crit fails his fellowship roll
>I'm lenient, so I just tell him the only person he's managed to convince is some old drunkard that's pulling his sleeve for some change
>him : I glass him
>figure it's going to be OK, maybe have a little brawl
>he breaks his glass in the face of the old man
>then procedes to describe with much unnecessary detail how he steps on the guy's chest and cuts his throat with a piece of broken glass
>neckbeard's face when

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>>54677899
>cleric runs in waving holy symbol and screaming at the top of her lungs to calm down

>cleric stays in town to clean up and use cure spells on dead people

>>54677922
Bumping for moar

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>>54677922
>>54678034
>panic movement in the bar, they all roll terribly to escape the crowd and get lightly trampled
>the arbites isn't having any of that
>throws a krak grenade in the crowd
>neckbeard comes up behind me and, with a maddened flicker of light in his eye, tells me he can help me with the rules for structural integrity of buildings and explosives
>apparently knows DH in and out and has homebrewed the hell out of it
>a bit in shock, accept, try and go with the flow
>after a few calculations while the tardo gang is picking their noses (at least 3 out of 5 were openly eating their boogers), we announce that a portion of the ceiling has collapsed and fell down on some people, crushing them
>bartender pulls out a shotgun and threatens them, while a waitress is calling the adeptus arbites
>arbites of the team tries and say that he's police and everything is fine (even though the bartender saw him throw a grenade)
>bartender isn't having any of it
>arbites : I pull out my gun and shoot him in the face
>me : you understand that he is aiming a loaded shotgun at your own face ?
>him : yes
>me : still want to do it ?
>him: yes
>me : sure ?
>him (shrieking) : YES I'M SURE I WANNA KILL HIIIIIIIM
>well ok then
>auto-crit his unprotected head, kill him on the spot
>he starts shrieking, calling me a fag, etc ...
>all the while the others are laughing their asses off
>the neckbeard seems delirious with joy, he belts the howling tard and carries him out for "disturbing play", all the while smiling like it's christmas

>>54677636
How the fuck do you gallop

>>54678061
>>after a few calculations while the tardo gang is picking their noses (at least 3 out of 5 were openly eating their boogers)
Wait what the fuck.

>>54678068
Hands out, bouncing up and down as if holding reigns on an imaginary horse. Both feet on then both feet of the ground at points.

>>54678106
That sounds unfathomably retarded.

>>54678061
You said they *all* died?
>>54678143
Needed to be seen to be believed.

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>>54678082
YES.
>>54678061
>laughter subsides
>I'm not really sure what to do
>try and make them leave by saying they hear arbites sirens in the distance
>neckbeard comes back, looking content
>the assassin and scum decide to take a hostage and grab a random woman from the bar
>try and escape while dragging the hostage, bartender opens fire again, shoots the hostage in the confusion
>I fudged the roll and figured they would drop her and be on their way faster
>oh nope, they're keeping the screaming, bleeding girl
>she's theirs now.
>police quickly catches up with them
>"hands up in the air, release the girl"
>scum (shrieking in a slightly higher pitched voice than the arbites player) : YOU'LL NEVER TAKE HER FROM US
>assassin : I charge
>don't even check with them if they're sure they want to do that anymore
>neckbeard pops out the critical wounds table, smiling like a madman
>in retrospect, I should have understood he really hated these guys
>>54678160
yes, since I am very thorough in my autism, it would have upset me immensely to not finish the logical sequence of events, even if that meant killing them one by one

>>54677636
One more thing on FFA I just remembered. He played a pali in the real campaign, and he named his mount Fluttershy. So there's that.

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>>54678193
>scum gets repurposed as bright red wall paint by the incoming hail of fire
>assassin somehow doesn't die instantly but gets both his legs blown off by a multilaser and gets taken in by the arbites
>these two are dying of laughter, somehow they find it amusing to no end, especially the fact the cops shot the girl along with them
>neckbeard firmly escorts them out for disturbing play with their cries of laughter, much to my relief because they had this unbearable, very loud and shrill, unchecked tard laughter

I should mention that I managed what both groups were doing at the same time, but for the sake of the greentext I separated the adventure of the psyker and guardsman, to which I'm getting now

>both chilling in the hotel room, what's the worse that could happen ?
>they call room service
>figure they want to just roleplay and learn a bit about the city (this was before the bar situation got out of hand)

>>54678193
>in retrospect, I should have understood he really hated these guys

Holy shit, my sides. This story is amazing.

>>54678336
Can't wait to read it again on reddit. Put me in the screen cap and I'll comment in the thread!

>>54678277
I get the sneaking suspicion that these players went it with the goal of trying to be as disruptive as possible and possibly to reenact Spoony's story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzOvTavIn40 Given all the snickering they were doing beforehand and all the blatantly stupid and psychotic behavior that was to follow.

>>54678193
>she's theirs now
my fucking sides

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>>54678381
that was probably the case, but as I said, I am thorough and naive and I really thought I could turn this around
>>54678277
>the above clusterfcuk happened, requiring most of my attention, while the psyker and guardsman were ordering an increasing amount of liquor and random items from the room service
>so absorbed with the retardation of the others that I agreed to most of what they asked, regardless of realism
>figured they wanted to get their characters shitfaced, which was dumb, but infinitely less than what was happening with the others
>finally, the others are out of play, so I turn to the last two and ask them what they want to do, strongly hinting that we could still get along with the scenario if they wanted
>oh they just want to call the room service one last time ...
>ok then, whatever, at this point I just wanted to get on with it
>maid comes at their door
>I should also have thought that it should have been a steward and not a maid
>shit went from 0 to 11 in a split second
>their faces light up with murderous glee and their characters instantly seize her and start tying her up, the psyker using his powers completely randomly, throwing psychic shrieks around (which he acted) (these guys really had issues with screaming) and blasting force bolts in the hallway
>neckbeard hasn't been very involved for a while
>it's because he's laughing his ass off too
>they drench the maid in liquor
>mfw
>no, they're not going to
>oh yes
>oh yes they are
>they set the maid on fire and throw her out the window and into the street
>all the while screaming "FOR THE EMPEROR"

>>54678445
I bet the neckbeard's face was priceless at this point.

>>54678445
>FOR THE EMPEROR
Oh my fuck...

>>54678445
Fucking hell. This is not something you do.

THIS.
IS.
NOT.
SOMETHING.
YOU.
DO.

>>54678445
This story went from silly to rape/murder fantasy real quick.

>playing D&D 3.5
>we tell the DM that the encounters are a bit too easy (like 2 zombies against a party of 6, mostly level 2 characters)
>after some math GM decides that 24 gnolls attacking us during night is the right CR for us
>GM can't be bothered to throw all those dices so GM decides to use one dice roll for 12 gnolls at once
>she rolls 17 for initaitive, a group of gnolls act faster than us, while most of us are still lying on the ground, just woke up.
>20->19: critical hit confirmed for 12 gnolls.
>2 PCs are instantkilled while 2 others are into negative hp, rogue was hidden
>our cleric, who had 1 extra level, and a baby dragon, menages to kill most gnolls, while the other group of gnolls run away distracted by the drow-rogue casting dancing lights

>>54678445
>quickly enough, another arbites detachment arrived at the hotel
>while the psyker was looting anything he could from the hotel and the guardsman was murdering the people in the next room because "he heard them talk about chaos"
>arbites pulls out the loudspeakers, orders evacuation and orders them to surrender
>guardsman grabs his heavy stubber and starts shooting at them from the window to yells of "HERETIIIICS"
>clearly, he was the more lore-savvy of the bunch
>the cops tear-gas the place and break in the building
>firefight ensues, uneventful apart from the use of explosives to collapse a staircase (literally the ONLY good idea they had all game)
>psyker ends up triggering perils of the warp, cloaking the entire area in darkness for a few turns
>and then falling down the stair case they had brought down and dying from the fall damage
>guardsman commited suicide by grenade with one last "FOR THE EMPEROOOOOOR"

>>54678445
See, the reason why this is hard to believe is because you seem like a special snowflake teenager who, in contrast to the players, did not just spontaneously have a NyanCat show up to explode their brains before they went that far.
Or was this before 2010?

>made a quick modern day zombie setting in a few days, all pcs are friends new to pen and paper games
>to keep them on track and help them learn, i made a dmpc for just until they can handle themselves
>2 sessions in, they're doing good and i decide to end the night by killing my pc off
>also good for drama and telling them they're not immortal
>pc finds the infected character, decides not to shoot him
>rps about how much he loved him (wat) and how she couldn't accept him being dead
>not even mad because he's rping pretty well for a newbie
>after the game he apologized and said he didnt mean for it to come out like that
>admits to me he's been into me for a while and wants to be with me
>im already married to a woman
>blurt out "heh its okay, id be into me too"
>he looked sad and doesn't come on game nights anymore

>>54678613
for some reason I'm not feeling like a patient person today, and reading this just make me wish this story ends with them all IRL being taken outside and kneecapped.

>>54678666
holy shit those trips
holy shit that story
holy shit

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>>54678634
I have always hated this random bullshit with a passion and I wasn't a standard teen in that I preferred to draw maps and complicated execution systems rather than do this kind of stuff
>>54678613
>finally wrote off the death of the assassin as being killed in detention by an inquisitorial cleaner
>the neckbeard escorted the two remaining retards out and I could hear some sort of argument outside
>still sitting there in shock
>this was the first game I mastered for people I didn't know
>this is a complete disaster
>I feel a bit choked up, looking at my carefully laid out notes and plans, my hand drawn maps of the sewers
>neckbeard comes back with two beers and starts explaining that they (him, the store manager and some friends) were actually looking forward to my game because they knew it would be a disaster and that it would give them the perfect excuse to kick them out of the store

spent the rest of the afternoon drinking beer and he actually helped me take what happened lightly
ended up laughing about how fucking stupid they were and a few weeks later I got to master this scenario for him and one of his friends

>>54677620
Have you tried growing a spine?

>>54678740
neckbeard sounds like a bro

>>54678754
yep, we're still friends to this day and although he's not really a very good player to have at your table (a bit of a rules lawyer and grognard) he's a great DM and a very cool guy
he also introduced me to gaming with older people, which brought its own problems, but was definitely better than THAT

>>54678666
that's
pretty fucked up

>>54678740
I got into the P&P RPGs when I was in college. I feel like i dodged a bullet with that.

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>>54678609

>>54678973
Well I was about to start my first year of college at 17 (skipped two grades in middle and high school)
I never played with high schoolers again

>>54678973
samehere. I actually started playing in the military with my air force buddies, 2 of which ended up back in Pararescu and 1 in EOD. You'd have never taken them as being nerds but it's a universal trait

>>54678666
That's not even a That Guy story, that's just sad.

>>54679106
I hear a lot of the same from my military buddies. They always explained that since there's shit-all to do when you're sitting around on base, you may as roll funny-shaped dice.

>>54674562
>>54679226
One of the biggest of Those Guys that I played with was an ex military, had done some pretty rough deployments in Africa and got a fucked up "kill or be killed" mindset out of it
He used to have us play Deathwatch with his 9 year old son and he constantly berated and incapacitated his space-marine, supposedly to "toughen him up"
The kid cried every session it was a pain in the ass and creepy as fuck too
Not saying all ex-mil are like that but it's related to the thread

>>54679106
Most of them are weebs and nerds, why do you think so many military bring back asian wives?

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>>54676945
>players are dressed up furries

I got bad news for you concerning your DM buddy

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>>54678740
Jesus Chist someone needs to screencap this.

>>54678740
>>54678790

Do you have more stories about those guys?

So I don't know if this falls under "that DM" or not, but:

Joined a friend's Pathfinder game. I think it's her first time DMing? I'm not sure. However I'm kind of wishing I hadn't. She's not awful by any means don't get me wrong, but

>more interested in telling her story than the players' story
>ridiculous amount of world building to the point where the majority of the stuff she does will never even be seen by us
>tends to railroad players into doing what she wants them to do
>skill checks are next to useless, she'll flat out say "you know this/you would know this/you wouldn't whatever"
>gets pissy if anything even slightly anti-SJW is said, even if joking

>>54675888
Post it anyway. Take your time, we'll lurk.

>>54680279
He did. it's in this thread.
>>54677755
>>54677812
>>54677847
>>54677883
>>54677899

>playing PF
>group has a summoner and a sorcerer
>level one
>every combat we face, sorcerer casts color spray

This is fine, I get that it's a great low level spell, but

>player doesn't care if summoner's eidolon is in the way
>color sprays the eidolon
>summoner can now do nothing worthwhile for the group during the fights
>sorcerer casting spells more than he should be able to in a day's worth of casting for a first level character

>>54680279
>>54680312
Everything but the child rapist ranger, yeah.

There's a common theme here, 3.PF.
Shit game and shit players

>>54674562
Am I being That GM? Here's something I tend to like to do when I run for people I don't know well.

>Include a minority religion/cult
>They're weird, they live separately to most people, usually in some kind of barracks setup.
>They'll have at least one very strongly held belief about something that would cause great personal inconvenience but is not an instant death sentence (varies by rest of world setup)
>The reasoning they use to get to this position is dubious.
>The leaders and most of its missionaries are true believers in their beliefs, and are generally good, helpful people.

It has a 100% success rate of getting the players to run around in circles, trying to uncover the evil hidden agenda they obviously must have but in actuality they don't. I include them primarily to pull on peoples legs, in part because it really always works, and I have no idea why, other than perhaps the zeitgeist of a seemingly benevolent but weird church MUST be secretly evil or something.

>>54680554
just because that's the (currently) most popular system, and therefore attracts the most newbies(and shit players), doesn't make it inherently shit

it's shit for other reasons

>>54680903
Sounds interesting desu

>>54680903
That sounds fucking hilarious

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>playing a sea-faring campaign for a couple months
>my character is a mermaid witch, supposed to be a siren that makes crazy potions and mind-controls people
>idea was to control small groups of humanoids with spells like Hypnotism and such
>chose every spell for specific reasons
>we're level 6, I've just learned how to curse others and blind/deafen foes, super excited
>enter a dungeon and DM describes all of our magical gear flying off our bodies and leaving most of us near nude
>an anti-magic field prevents us from using any spells
>a ghost comes to take our gear and says he will give it back to us if we complete his ten room challenge
>the session prior my witch lost her hand to magic acid, and has no weapons that aren't magical, basically helpless
>ghost shows us a table with "amazing artifacts"
>everyone approaches the table and our respective artifact calls our name
>a purple robe calls to me, put it on and DM describes "the hem is purple and glowy, it shifts around to match your DNA"
>DM tells me its a Robe of Arcane Heritage
>sounds awesome, look it up in the book

These elegant, dark purple robes are usually decorated with gold stitching suggesting a particular sorcerer bloodline, though some might indicate a family tree. When a sorcerer dons a robe of arcane heritage, the stitching pulls itself apart and reweaves to match her particular sorcerer bloodline. The wearer treats her sorcerer level as 4 higher than normal for the purpose of determining what bloodline powers she can use and their effects.

>its a sorcerer robe
>its powers relate to bloodlines, which I have none of
>ask DM for clarification, does this mean I get sorcerer levels and choose a bloodline
>he doesn't know how sorcerers work, repeats "it matches your DNA"
>explain that it has literally no effect for me because I'm not a sorcerer
>he handwaves it and says "fine, every time you cast a spell its totally random, might be good might be bad"
>so basically its just wild magic
>great

cont...

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>>54677686
>tfw I did something similar
In my defense it was Melee, I was in middle school, and I only did it alone in my own home

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>>54681307

>DM describes that these items are "extremely powerful, they all have a super attack that takes some of your life force if you use it but its super good."
>feeling cheated, don't want to have this stupid wild magic robe for the rest of the game, especially if its going to kill me eventually
>other characters got an awesome set of daggers that bounce from target to target, a greatsword that can burst into flames for 10d10, a magic bow that has infinite arrows
>going to talk to the DM tonight

I just wanted to mind control people and play a siren, but the DM seems to think all casters need to be throwing fireballs or warping the fabric of reality. How can I bring this up to him tactfully?

>>54681440
Don't. Simply carry around this robe and sell or trade it for something you actually want/need

>>54681440
Literally just say "I just wanted to mind control people and play a siren." Talk it out, open by saying that your "artifact" left a bad taste in your mouth or something and go from there. It sounds like your GM was open and receptive to your concerns, they were just busy with the session in progress and couldn't do the required reading to fix it.

Or just sell it and buy a bag of holding loaded with scrolls.

>>54676409
I've used this as an excuse to make a Troll face mage in shadowrun. I mean, to be fair it was still a totally viable build, but only because of SURGE shenanigans (which the GM only allowed because it's the only way to make a troll face mage viable)

>>54680235
No other stories with the tards, and I'm glad I never saw them again
Apparently they came back to the store and got kicked out every time but I didn't witness that

>>54681440

"Listen here you dense piece of cum stained trash, if you can't get the basic rules and ideas of the classes, specifically MY class, down to a chemical fucking science, I will shove the PHB up your goddamn urethra so far that your children will be born DM gods; which will be a reprieve because you FUCKING SUCK!!!

Or something like that.

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>>54676578
>>Why would [religious group] have copies of their religious texts in the shrine that they own and operate, they're not magical, they don't give spells?

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>tfw play in a group that loves lolsorandom shit
>never once had a serious group where we roleplay in the slightest
>most sessions consist of characters doing wacky shit like ''I piss on the hill giant while he's sleeping lol''
>DM is perfectly okay with this
>most character goals are either ''I want to become a god'' or ''I will overthrow the king by myself''
>I put up with it because it's the only game in town
>I don't even bother making backstories anymore because they never get used or implemented


You think you know pain? You know nothing of pain.

>>54681428
Ahh, but were you trying to live out weird abuse rescue fantasies? And possibly some sort of weird "I wish someone would rescue me from my abusive dad" fantasies where he identifies as both the rescuer and the victim, and his mother is also his love interest?

Because you can't convince me that he was doing anything else.

>>54677636
I just imagine him prancing like a little girl while bashing coconuts together to make horse galloping sounds

>>54683151
I picture Monty Python's Holy Grail with the autistic knob turned up to 11

>>54676409
I will admit, I enjoy min-maxing. So if I play a game like 3.5, I have fun min-maxing a deeply sub-optimal character to boost them to relative competence. Take the dragonwrought kobold I built... just to do more evocation spells. Or the fighter I built using 19 different sources in order to make him a dungeon-crashing fear-locking sort. Its fun pulling bullshit combos for the purpose of making the sub-optimal adequate.

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The only story I can think of off the top of my head is a campaign wherein one of the players rolled an androgynous, skinchanging eunuch rogue. That game went into some fucking weird territory because of that guy.

>>54681810
Kind of in the same boat now. Fucking no one wants to roleplay because they're too busy being min-maxers.

>>54681643

I'm not exactly a regular church attendee. but even i know that churches literally have bibles lining the back of every fucking pew.

>>54674562
>local power gamer has no job, nothing to do except play ttrpgs
>every time a session gets postponed for any reason, up to and including pet death, family death, family sickness, etc the first thing he says is asking when we can play next or who's available instead
Sickening

>>54685907
Case in fucking point, one of our players (his cousin in fact) their fiancee got in a bad accident and totalled their car, so the player is skipping the session we were planning tonight to deal with it. Power gamer goes "oh no, too bad" then starts making plans for a side game without the affected person. Fucking psychopath.

>>54685907
>>54686382
He's a single minded man. Can't fault him for having literally nothing but TT fantasies to live for. I assume that probably how half of /tg/ lives.

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>>54680277
>>more interested in telling her story than the players' story
>>ridiculous amount of world building to the point where the majority of the stuff she does will never even be seen by us
>>tends to railroad players into doing what she wants them to do
Both of these are common among new DM's. She might learn from the experience, or she might not. See what kind of pace she sets.

>>skill checks are next to useless, she'll flat out say "you know this/you would know this/you wouldn't whatever"
This is a symptom of the first one. It's suited to narrative systems like Apocalypse World, and as soon as the new DM picks up on the idea of making successes in critical moments, she'll develop a better sense of when to allow automatic successes and when to require a roll.


>>gets pissy if anything even slightly anti-SJW is said, even if joking
This is an unfortunate symptom of the disease we have right now -- the "soft fascism" of SJW'ism.

>>54676945
So was gay marriage legal?

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Thatguy....

Our "That guy" is something of a rules lawyer. The kind of guy who as memorized and read every single D&D book, setting, lore, and system down to knowing or at least thinking he knows every monster and what it can do. And while he's normally good about not not metagaming he can get insufferable at least 3 times per session. Still he keeps challenging the GM again and again and makes plans assuming things that his character has no way of knowing constantly.

So I get invited into a cyberpunk/shadowrun style game that has been going for about a year using a mix of d20 cyberpunk and D&D. over the 2 years we played That Guy constantly interjects and tries to abuse the rules and eventually gets his first character killed and the GM gives him a new one. A tinkering Dwarf with a literal drug factory up his own ass. Finally there is a breakup in the group and the game fizzles after going from a cyberpunk earth to a planescape style adventure.

the GM starts to plan a new game once the player drama is all sorted out and it is between a couple different settings, Godlike (another system That Guy has memorized and is easily abused) and D&D again, Darksun I believe.

So I introduce the GM to Dark heresy and give a few nudges and we're starting up character creation. It becomes quickly apparent that he knows Nothing about the DH world, doesn't know the system and his brain is short circuiting trying to build an "optimized mage" character and rolls up a psyker. I'm just silently laughing that this guy might have to role play for once and doesn't know anything about the world he's getting into beyond the core DH book. He's still enthusiastic so there is hope yet, it's a game based on investigation and the whole cosmic unknown horrors after all.

>>54687453

>wants to be all that
>chooses "mage" in DH
>ends up with character type half the other PCs torment on principal

I hope this leads to entertainment for the group!

>>54688214

... occurs to me that didn't quite come out right, not trying to encourage character abuse.

Really, it's even better in this case that psykers run the constant risk of horrible backfires for every power use.

>>54680903
Depends on how much emphasis you put on the cult imo. If it's just a passing mention or a one shot "what are those gus up to? Check it out, then return to me if anything is weird or in a week" kind of thing, sure whatever. If it's a passing mention and they take the bait, have at it, just make sure something happens. Maybe the cult is fine, but there's people who are trying to ruin them for some reason. Create some sort of interaction with them if there's going to be a focus on them.

>>54681440
>Bring it up with other players, tactfully.
>If they agree
>"GM, I feel disappointed: the last items that our characters found were in my opinion very unbalanced from one another. The other players feel the same way. The game is radically changed if a player gets daggers that bounce from target to target, greatswords that do 10d10 fire damage on hit and magical bows that have infinite arrows compared to a robe that has a wild magic effect for every time I cast a spell. It's very frustrating, knowing that the whole group except you have an item that makes you really powerful, with no drawback no less. I mean, I feel insulted that I am the only one that not only has an item that doesn't help me in the slightest, but also the only item that actually hurts me when I try to do the thing that my character is built to do. It's not fun, for me. Can you give me an item that makes my character more powerful instead of being a hindrance?"

And if the GM doesn't oblige, just leave my dude. That GM is not someone who you want to play with, for sure.

>>54686382
>>54686545
I agree, he sounds less like am innate psycho and more like an immature addict

>>54685907
>>54686382
There's literally nothing wrong with that
Fucking normies get out

>>54680903
Nah, you're just messing with the players' expectations. Now, if the belief that they have is objectionable to most people IRL (like, say, practical enslavement of wives or intense xenophobia) and it felt like you were portraying that BELIEF in a positive light, I'd get pretty uncomfortable. I dunno if it's That Guy, though, since That Guy tends to be unpleasant on a more basic level

I'm done with MTG. I'm tired of autistic beta males getting triggered and being passive aggressive towards me when I 2-0 them with control or combo decks. If you can't handle a loss, don't play in a tournament. I'm just sticking to Vidya so I don't kill the next autist that gets pissy towards me.

>>54676409
I play 50/50. I've showed up at a session now and again with a batshit character, but I always put in the effort to make sure it can actually play the game. If I make a guy whose gimmick is he's trying to fight people with rope, then I am going to min/max the shit out of his ropefighting however I can, and if necessary, I'll become something cheesy like the AoO maneuver fag to make it work. I'm not going to make a wizard who tries to fight people with ropes because A, it won't work, and B, this guy wouldn't have become a wizard if he wanted to fight people with ropes.
Fostering this, I'm also fond of "counts as". If I'm going to fight people with rope, and rope sucks dick as a weapon, I'm gonna look through the book for something like a whip or a chain, then just say my dude is fighting with a rope (Whip).
If I come up with a concept that no amount of wiggling will make viable, I either scrap it, or squirrel it away for a rainy day when more rules-light rpgs are on the menu.

>Be 3rd level Bladebound Magus
>GM steals your blackblade sword
Why did he say no problem to my char if he clearly had a problem?

>>54692244
stop bringing your fucking hanzo steel to game nights, josh. no one's impressed! bring pizza like a normal person.

>>54674562
>Buddy and his gf move back into town after a year or so living where the gf grew up
>Invites to his new Pathfinder campaign
>Normally I hate the game, but their good friends of mine and we haven't gamed in ages
>Group is half people in person (the GM, his gf, another mutual friend of ours and myself of course)
>The other half is people from the town the GM and his gf moved back from
>Both of them were the gf's childhood friends
>One is this quiet guy who seems new to the game, but appears to be a nice guy
>The other one is like a walking set of red flags
>Snarky attitude, identifies as transexual, but still speaks like a dude, has all the stereotypical SJW baggage
>His/her character is even worse
>Character has an edgy 'orphan who killed her parents to gain power- eventually wants to get revenge on the whole world for some unstated reason' backstory
>Everyone else makes reasonable characters, which makes the edge-master look even more ridiculous by comparison
>When we actually start playing, That...uh...Person just spends the game acting like a total shit disturber
>(S)he blames bad rolls on the GM, claiming he's it was because of "his shitty story"
>Always tries to screw over the group by stealing treasure in game
>Constantly insinuating that the GM's gf is getting preferential treatment, despite it being obvious not true
>Gloats when their character succeeds at tasks or wins battles in game
>They play their character poorly, too, having specced said character towards AoE attacks, which they use in combat and inevitably harm allies with.

Part of the reason I hate Pathfinder is because it attracts players like this. I'm one more bad session away from quitting, which is a shame, because the rest of the party and the GM are alright.

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My shitty GM from highschool
>Had super shitty stories that he made
>quote "that the rudest thing you could say to a writer" when he was called out on a really bad cop out
>Made the story so that it seemed we as players had freedom to do what we wanted to
>railroad.png
>Anytime players wanted to do something, like try to haggle down a price he would berate us because of not following the main quest, calling us idiots
>Is terrible about balancing encounters fair for low level characters
>first boss we faced at level 2 was super tanky, and could attack three times with one action
>Asshole to players for having fun
>All of his ideas for dming come from critical role
>His solution to you being a bad gm is "Watch more critical role"
>200%mad.bmp
>wanted us to take his story seriously, but anytime we would make a light joke or reference he made it a part of his shitty story and ran the joke into the ground

>>54674562
>Whole town is against PCs because they act stupid or do something incredibly violent
>Certain NPC says he can see past their mistakes and knows they are good and will help defend them
>Fuck off, we don't trust you!
>"I have some pull with the towns mayor, I could make a case for you"
>PCs decide they shouldn't trust anyone for some reason and threaten to kill him

Sorta related, tried running a yeti themed civ quest on /qst

>Small yeti tribe exploring their mountainous terrain
>Find a Tibetan styled monk monastery in the mountains
>Monks stocked with foods and praise the mountain spirits
>Yetis approach carefully
>Get spotted
>Monks are shocked and cautious, but try to offer up food to the yetis
>"Kill all the monks"
>"Are you sure? theyre offering food?" Trying to set up some sorta diplomatic relations
>"Kill them all and take as much food as we can"
>They kill half the monks and steal some food, then lose out on a constant supply

Why are all PCS OTT violent?

>>54697289
>qst
Found your problem

>>54690064
Same here. I've only got one game going right now, but if my current character dies, my next one is going to be a Gnome barbarian that specializes in grappling. Just because the image of a lumpy-faced midget furiously dry-hupping some dude's skull into submission is absolutely hilarious to me. And of course I haven't been able to test it yet, but I think I've got a pretty solid build going.

>>54678754
>neckbeard sounds like a bro
Never thought I'd read that sentence, much less agree with it.

>>54680903
That's clever, I dig it.

Mind if I borrow that shit?

I've got an elemental earth cult, and them believing that shit like bathing yourself in dirt makes you pure would be hilarious for this shit.

>>54686545
>Can't fault him for having literally nothing but TT fantasies to live for.
You got me there.

>>54694517
From what I've seen, as far as Pathfinder games go, you've got it golden, except for Bruce Jenner. It's possible more people than just you have a problem with it, so bring it up, with tact though. You may be pleasantly surprised to find you're not alone.
You may also be disappointed, but hey, at least now you can leave with no second thoughts.

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So I had one guy leave early for unrelated reasons and another guy leave in a huff before the end of the session, killing the mood. Am I a that guy DM? (Am new)

5e homebrew game:

>Have players heading through magic-fog forest that's full of undead every night.
>Encounter small hobbit-hole ripoff; a house built into the side of the hill
>They knock, door's unlocked and they're invited in.
>Pic related sitting behind a desk, magical items laid out on the table in front of them.
>cleric casts Detect Magic, immediately earraped by sensory overload of powerful magic.
>Party goes in anyhow
>spend the next hour asking "what more do you have"
>end up having them spend a chunk of their cash and trading small trinkets to get stuff made or purchased
>one guy has to leave early, not there for the aftermath
>sorcerer gets mad when the potion he drinks turn him into a chick, and threatens to the burn the place down if he doesn't get turned back immediately.
>player OOC getting pissy
>after a bit more haggling with other characters (very disorganized session), throw the guy another dose of the sex-shift potion
>was going to charge him an arm and a leg for it, but I wasn't going to have a player melt down over slapstick.
>party ends up clearing out the whole place despite trying to throw up warning signs—then get pissy when every single item is cursed (as I planned from the start)

Like I'm going to have my creepy fey give them powerful magic items at level 4 without some kinds of drawback. As I was writing out the item cards for them, one left in a huff before I got to the good part of his item.

>>54702348
List of items:

>lightning-slinging bandoleer that reduces the number of barb rages per long rest
>+1 longbow that kills movement and defenses in melee range
>Dark Souls Ring of Sacrifice Ripoff that withers one hand and & gives vulnerability to damage from undead creatures
>Potion that "provides you with the oiled-up flexibility of athletes of old." Gives permanent +5 movement, vulnerability to fire damage, and oily skin
>Ring that lights up when undead are close—but forces undead with an INT less than 8 to attack the wearer.
>Shield of missile attraction—resistance to ranged damage but forces missiles aimed at a target within 10 feet to hit you instead
>mace that sacrifices health and exhaustion levels to become a +1/+2/+3 mace as you kill more people.
>3 bits of magic arrow that bypass undead fortitude saves, but only if they've used it once already during that encounter
>spell focus ring that lets you roll fire damage dice with advantage but does half the damage to you.

So am I a creative asshole, or is my party handling it badly? We're 4 sessions in and things are finally starting to pick up.

Also, how much to pay a remove curse service in 5e? Considering charging them even more for the removal, since I used prices in silver instead of gold for the fey enchanter.

>>54702372
Also, how my party feels right about now, I'm pretty sure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th4Czv1j3F8

>>54702348
>>54702372

Gender bending items are an immediate nope for a lot of people but the cursed items are pretty cool. If I was a paladin I'd be all over that shield

>>54702463
>Gender bending items are an immediate nope for a lot of people
Yeah, I wondered about that.

I have another group that went through it already and the guy was all "well, guess I'm a chick now." Well, you live and learn.

Funny, the shield is the only that I pulled from 5e DMG. Everything else I made up, more than half of them on the spot.

>>54702348
I'd be slightly frustrated but I'd understand that it was largely my mistake for being greedy. Plus, undoing those curses could be a neat adventure hook.
>>54702372
>Potion that "provides you with the oiled-up flexibility of athletes of old." Gives permanent +5 movement, vulnerability to fire damage, and oily skin
So... greased up deaf guy from Family Guy?

>>54702680
>largely my mistake for being greedy
That's how I feel, but I think it's clear that the party thinks differently. Never had a guy walk out of my sessions before.

>undoing those curses could be a neat adventure hook.

Ooh, there's a plan. Keeps them more invested than a lot of the stuff I can come up with. I'm open to suggestions.

>greased up deaf guy from Family Guy?

Wasn't thinking of it at the time, but...yes.

>>54702732
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Find this guys boss, I guess?
Go through a special dungeon where each of these things is used/would be useful, and at the end is a special ritual thing-a-ma-jig?

>>54702836
Dunno about that, I didn't imagine he had a boss.

I'll TRY and come up with something that'll use all the magic items, but I'm not sure how I'll pull that off...hmm.

>>54702348

>Am I being that DM?

Sort of. Any kind of magical effect or curse that changes someone's character design is going to piss them off. This includes things like gender changing, age changing, race changing, crippling or removing limbs etc...

This is infuriating because you are taking away their ability to roleplay as the character they want. If I have fun roleplaying as a grumpy 60-year-old wizard and you give him some curse that turns him into a bitchy 15-year-old, I might be pissed, and I might not be having fun anymore. Can you see how that would be a bad thing for a DM to do?

As far as curses go, you are safe to dole them out as long as they don't fundamentally change who their character is. If you want to give them a drastic curse, then you should probably consult them before railroading their character and roleplay for the unforseeable future. Who knows? someone might like to play as a noble cleric who is being driven insane by a magic item.

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Had some laughs, so I'll contribute

>My second or third game ever, joining an existing group on Meetup
>DM emails me a thirty page setting manifesto
>Skim it: nested shell-worlds like that one Playstation game had, pretty neat
>Swing by for a session, character building and meet'n'greet
>Seem like a nice bunch of guys
>Roll up a male Dwarf cleric because people always welcome another healbot
>Another player: you didn't read the setting, did you?
>Me: of COURSE I did, it's right here, see? Now I'm just going to leaf through it for completely unrelated reasons, don't mind me
>In the second-to-last section
>In the second-to-last paragraph of that section
>The guide describes that in this universe, it is the men who get pregnant
>Sex is exactly the same, but men of all species are the ones who get pregnant and carry the baby
>How and why this happens, exactly, "No one can say. It is one of the great mysteries."
>I look around the table
>Literally everyone are playing female characters
>Welp.
>Because I'm not a fucking shitbag, I continue making friendly and polite conversation for the rest of the session, and never go back.

In retrospect they spent the entire session ambushing goblins outside a cave and ended up too chickenshit to go in, so I probably wasn't missing any world-class gaming by giving in to my prudishness.

>>54703621
>Not embracing your deep, dark, M-preg fantasies.

You were missing out on world class self discovery m8.

>>54703621

>Play as a male
>Don't have sex with anyone
>???
>Profit

>>54703560
That's good advice. I'll strike the potion of sexchange from any future games I run in this setup.

Ended up turning him back for free instead of what I had planned, so no harm no foul.

Maybe something innocuous and over the top in the future, like a rabbit.

And it only lasts a minute.

>>54702348
You aren't That DM in my books. The players should have known to not trust that shit, and even in character wise, why would buying magical items from a hidden shop in a forest of undead sound like a good idea. While I can KINDA understand getting upset about changing their character upsetting them, a simple sex change pissing someone off that much tells me they are way too obsessed with a specific view of their character and not the character itself.

Example, in my current campaign, if I got gender bent from a 30 something female tinker to a 30 something male tinker, as long as the characters mind hasn't been affected, I don't see why I, or my character would care beyond superficial things. Changing sex doesn't prevent me from doing anything I planned to do, and it creates interesting RP moments for coming across NPCs that knew you already and having to explain what happened.

>>54689940

Im not a big fan when i see an autistic netdeck at fnm, id rather we could all agree to build our own fucking decks at the funtime night for new players. Worse still, people cheat at constructed deck formats, so those aren't any better.

>>54703792

You can probably still do sex changes and stuff, but you have to make it very obvious that it is only temporary.

Maybe give them a cursed ring that randomly makes some sort of physical change happen for 1 minute before reverting. Then you can start with something innocuous and build up.

"You sense power emanating from the ring, and you start to feel strange."
>"Your eye color changes to red." (changes back after 1 minute)
>"You speak in an unnaturally low voice." (for 1 minute)
>"Skeletal wings sprout from your back." (they crumble to dust after 1 minute)
>"Your body starts to soften and reshape. Your sex has now changed to female."

Plus, with a cursed item like that you could have it take effect at the most inopportune moments, like when they are trying to bluff, stealth, or use diplomacy

>>54704091

I never understood netdecking and its pervasiveness.

>Play a deck creation game
>Don't create a deck
>Steal one from the internet instead

You basically spent $100-$600 to have someone else play the game for you.

"Yeah, this deck is pretty good, I know. It finished top 8 in the Pro Tour this year."................I am glad I will never hear that again in my life.

>>54697289

System, honestly. If you play a system where combat is designed as the sole focus, players want combat. If you play a system where combat is a focus, but exploration and gaining influence is a bigger one, they'll hold back.

Oh, and give them some helpful NPCs who won't actively fuck them over first session. Having people they like makes them keep an eye open for futire contacts. Hell, give them a sheet of paper and tell them to write down certaon characters and information on what they do as contacts. It'll help them see friendly npcs as a kind of treasure to pursue. Its like, in my game i had an absurdly valuable piece of art(solid gold dragon statue with gems inlaid and delicate craftsmanship on each scale, so valuable that being seen woth it constituted a serious risk, but so valuable owning it constituted a mark of considerable station for a merchant), and instead of just giving us gold, he bartered with us for things we needed. He helped me build my church, helped the fighter get his next suit of armour, etc, some of whih was long term, so when he became someone we checked in on occasionally- and a priority merchant when we had loot, since trading with us imprpved his station, so he'd do us favours(well, I can't buy that painting, but mr so and so...) to keep us coming back.

>>54703923
>You aren't That DM in my books. The players should have known to not trust that shit, and even in character wise, why would buying magical items from a hidden shop in a forest of undead sound like a good idea.

That's what I thought, but oh well. It is what it is.

>While I can KINDA understand getting upset about changing their character upsetting them, a simple sex change pissing someone off that much tells me they are way too obsessed with a specific view of their character and not the character itself.
>Example, in my current campaign, if I got gender bent from a 30 something female tinker to a 30 something male tinker, as long as the characters mind hasn't been affected, I don't see why I, or my character would care beyond superficial things. Changing sex doesn't prevent me from doing anything I planned to do, and it creates interesting RP moments for coming across NPCs that knew you already and having to explain what happened.

Glad to hear you had fun with that! I'd like to think that I would too. DESU I felt like the in-character anger was justified, but I asked and he was "pretty peeved" OoC.

Anyway, that's what ended up happening in my other game. The dude was pretty effeminate anyway, so most people are just "huh, you grew your hair out with magic and stopped binding your chest" which has been pretty funny. That did not happen here. Ended up just changing him back b/c I didn't want to deal with it.

>>54704092
>make it very obvious that it is only temporary.

Yeah, I fucked that up bigtime.

My original plan was "you get one dose of the sexchange potion for free, and then pay way more for a higher dose." I like yours better, though.

>>54700531

Be careful, some muslims actually believe that.

>>54704225

I only played for about a year. Didn't form any friendships with the people there because they were all either shitty at the game and didn't come back or smug betdeckers that either got mad when i beat them or acted smug when i didn't (i heard one insulting a card in my deck after i destroyed him with it 2/0, like faggot, it fucked you hard in the ass), and when my deck rotated out, i left.

>>54702372

Some of those could be pretty useful.

>>Use ring to lure undead, force them not to attack others.
>>Give shield to extra-tanky char, protect team from anyone with a lot of ranged weapons.

>>54704928
I realized just before this post that when they get the curses removed they could throw the target ring and the shield on the barbarian and let him just soak damage like a motherfucker.

I tried to make them at least somewhat useful—the best cursed items are the ones that are still solid despite the curse.

>>54696826
>All of his ideas for dming come from critical role
um, excuse my ignorance but what is "Critical Role"?

>>54705226
Oh boy. >>54685149

If you're allergic to links tho, it's a show about voice actors playing D&D. A lot of people hate it, some just for 2 players/characters, while 2 other players/characters pick up their slack. I enjoy it though, but it has gotten pretty boring as of late.

>>54705292
Let me guess:
>some just for 2 players/characters
Marisha/Keyleth and Liam/Vax
>while 2 other players/characters pick up their slack.
Travis/Grog and Sam/Scanlan

How'd I do?

>>54705311
Well, what kind of monster would hate on Ashley? And what kind of edgelord would swoon over Percy? And what kind of detail obsessed individual would even notice Vex?

You did great, 10/10 proud of you son.

>>54705378
Fuck yeah.

>what kind of monster would hate on Ashley
The only person who could hate her is the one who wants here there more often.

Percy's edgelord may get old, but he's dialed it back, grown as a person, and can be funny as fuck, so it balances out.

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>game is lolsorandom simulator
>swap DMs every few campaigns
>one guy is ctrl+c/ctrl+v whatever flavor of the month vidya/anime/other character, whines every 5 minutes that we haven't played D&D in X days
>other guy only plays real world stereotypes
>last guy only plays uber ridiculous characters, though is honestly really good about it
>current DM and I are trying to swap to something more serious, slowly try to get rid of kitchen sink setting and start a serious plot
>can't because half of our group decided to pick up the most retarded shifts possible

>>54705434
I roll my eyes at Percy occasionally, but just like how Wil Friedie played the most snowflake Mary Sue well, he does a good job with not taking Percy too seriously. His very obvious anti-gun stance gets on my nerves, but he doesn't force constant rhetoric over it, so I can manage.

As for Ashley, hate not the golden-haired cinnamon bun, hate the evil largely-unknown studio that keeps her gainfully employed.

>>54703792
If it's any consolation, my rogue probably would have gotten violent in demanding the antidote, but once it was in his possession, I totally would have spent a couple sessions taking the opportunity to abuse this turn of events. Maybe rack up a number of criminal charges, a little grand larceny, burn some houses down. Then take the antidote (and hope to the gods it worked) and steadfastly affirm to anyone who asked that no, I do not have a criminally violent twin sister.

In short, dude's a spoil-sport.

I had a player one time that after killing the bbeg he jumped up on the table, dropped his pants and began teabagging the mini while screaming "you like that you little bitch"

>>54707016
No you didn't.

>>54707054
He pooed and peed himself a lot too

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>meeting new group
>GM locks the door behind me with a key
>one of the (male) players is wearing a collar

>>54707279
It's said that anon's ass increased 3 sizes that day.

>>54674562
I hate to tell you but that's pretty much your own fault: many groups assume that their playstyle IS the normal way of playing a ttrpg so when a new guy come from a different game background a new 'that guy' come into your world.

That's why a session 0 is important.
That's why to specify your playstyle on session 0 is important.

>"you follow the prostitute"
Now why the fuck would I do that?
>"Because you're going to fuck her"
My character is functionally celibate since he is still mourning the death of his wife
>"She seduces you then"
I have stupidly high willpower, I'm sure I can resist her charms
>"Roll for it then"
Oh look at that, five degrees of success
>GM doesn't even roll
>"You fail"
Fine, guess I follow her then.
Now at this point dear audience, you may be thinking like I was that I was dealing with a deamonette or similar thing in disguise that was going to try to lure me in with her slaaneshi ways. Nope, turns out the GM just really wanted my character to fuck some random skank. It wasn't even a magical realm type thing, the GM just took legitimate offence to my characters idolisation of his dead wife for some reason.

There was a bit of player revolt at this point as it wasn't the first time he had tried to overrule our backstories and character motivations. Eventually he agreed to tone that shit down but proceeded to be really passive-aggressive about it for the rest of the adventure.

We don't let him GM anymore.

>>54697289
>qst
actually wondered why your quest dissapeared it was of one better civs I played, although it seems like I missed the last and critical thread.

>>54703740
Somehow I don't think he'd have a choice in the matter.

>>54702348
Gender change is nigh-instantly magical realmish in my book.

heres a gm I had:
>NEVER comes with a plan
>tolerates power gamers
>anime inspired DMPC
>no fun unless i think its funny too
fortuantly the campaign fizzled out and died.

>Playing a drow
>Super vain, super haughty, whatever
>Lowkey super chummy, pretends she's just here because she's getting paid but she legitimately enjoys the company of the party and wants to see them grow as people & reach their goals

>Don't want to make her an obnoxious and frusturating bitch to deal with so sometimes I have her walk right into social traps other people set, make a point of going "You couldn't possibly be able to X" when I know full well they can do X, so they can have a cool moment of showing off and defying her expectations and surprising her
>Let them outsmart her sometimes too so they can feel nice about getting one over her
>Can tell the other players always get pretty happy whenever this happens, because the drow has a personality which makes it extra satisfying to shut her teasing jousts up

>Realize other players just think I'm a dumbass OOC and that my PC is stupid, because I'm the only player out of all of them to walk into these traps

:(

>>54704225
My brother and I love deck creation, our other two friends on the other hand just look up a deck for whats current. My brother is good at exploiting odd deck types so he ends pissing them off by kicking their tournament deck many times. I had the idea for our group to buy a couple boxes and make them all we could play as for some fun. You could trade with others in the group but no outside cards. When a new set comes out we each buy a box or so and just keep everyone stuck to these sets in play.

>>54707713
To what possible gain did he do it? Humanity why

>>54674562
>Doing session zero.
>Trying to get the players to coordinate on building a party with at least a modicum of coherence.
>New guy in group decides to play a bard, picks some feats that mostly focus on his perform checks.
>Not mechanically the best, and I point it out, guy shrugs and says he wants to try it.
>Enter That Guy, who is building a barbarian.
>Looks over at new guy's bard build.
>Declares it shit.
>Shouts that "The penalty for noobishness is death", and then announces that he's attacking the bard.
>You realize we're not even playing yet, right?
>Kick the dumbass out of the group.

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>>54676578
>They also murdered a wandering cleric because he advised them to stay away from the closest city if they were feeling ill ( a plague had been going around), because "No shitter tells us what to do"

>>54676655
>They have been enslaved by humans for so long that they had their disobedience bred out
Aren't half-elves more ornery than regular elves?

>>54676578
hahahaha oh my god

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>>54678609
>>GM can't be bothered to throw all those dices so GM decides to use one dice roll for 12 gnolls at once

>>54678666
lol what a fag

>rogue trader
>trying to send astrotelepathic message
>go to local planetary astropath to hire him, instead of calling ship
>gm: "astropathic messages are like one-two sentence long so..."
>other player: "no they are not"
>gm: "fine, if you know better, you gm now" and goes silent
>session ends
>gm starts arguing
>i post canon astropathic messages showing how long they are
>gm takes a piss at me too
>he ends campaign after 3 sessions because he got interrupted

one more fleshed out character goes on the shelf

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>>54710809

>>54710840
one doesnt just fucking end a campaign because
he got interrupted. wtf. how petty one must be

>>54710868
Right? It's a fucking improvisational game. Sometimes toes get stepped on, sometimes players disagree with DMs. Deal with it.

That said, don't fucking interrupt people! It's rude.

Hence the filename.

>>54710953
the worst part is i wrote fucking 5 pages of background for the rogue trader i played. gave plenty of hook for gm to work with. plenty of meat. plenty of reasoning for my rogue traders behavior and goals.

he disregarded all of that and then simply quit. fucking wow

>>54703560
>railroading
Having consequences for drinking an obvious trap potion is not fucking railroading, he should have known better. He should be thankful it didn't cause his body to wither away or remove his ability to speak or manipulate things with his hands or something to that effect.

>>54708347
Ah, the tragic realization that "tsundere" only ever comes off as "bitchy".
We've all been there, anon.

>>54702348
Not at all. When I run my games I do the exact same thing. It's the party's fault if their own greed or carelessness gets them into trouble with cursed items, or anything for that matter.

But I suppose I'm also lucky enough to have a party that understands that and loves that I run my games like that.

>>54707648
Nigga, they literally talked to him the first and second day he went to the game and the dude ignored them and even mock them for being "minmaxers"

Is the GM's fault for accepting this piece of shit and telling the rest of players to endure him, not his.

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Here you go, ya lazy fucks.

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>character is being pulled underwater by a skelly
>try to strength check to pull myself free
>18 strength level 7 fighter
>roll a 22
>fail
>what
>my turn is over
"okay so you're going to die in two turns"
>WHAT
>thats not how you calculate drowning
>this is magic water
>this is legitimately the only thing he said to justify this
>what ever, I picture the water forcing it's way through my lips and start picturing the urgency
>ask my team if anyone is going to help me
>they're all laughing and saying no
"they wouldn't help you anyway, you barely know each other"
>we have been playing this campaign for over a year, are characters have spent months with each other
>yeah but there was a year gap where you spent time apart
>no one is coming to save me
>ask if my goblin squire is going to jump in and assist
"no he wants to wait and see if you can do it, he looks up to you so he doesn't want to admit that you're weak enough to die"
>turn rotates back to me
>action surge and hit the skelly 4 times with my axe underwater
>no disadvantage because my DM is trash, dying in a bullshit circumstance so I don't even bother telling him
>still alive
>one turn till I die
>hit him one more time and skelly dies
>climb out of the pool of magic water
"see it was simple you were getting mad for no reason"

>buy dog before year time skip
>check up on dog next session after time skip
>dogs dead because I didn't say that I fed him during time skip
>for some reason the other players pets are fine despite them not mentioning that either

>ambushed by old enemy right outside of town
>hit with poison dart
>22 con save fails
>dash after him and instantly feint
>ffs it's purple worm poison for a now level 8 character
>other players maim the enemy and leave him
>town druid cures me
>I spend the rest of the game knocked out.

this is what a forever DM has to put up with just to play a game.

>>54710521
>i want my players to be powergaming faggots
that dm

>>54710521
>Not mechanically the best, and I point it out
oh look the /5eg/ cancer is spreading

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>>54714045
What a shit group of human beings

>>54714045
>roll a 22
>fail
>"okay so you're going to die in two turns"
>this is magic water
>ask my team if anyone is going to help me
>they're all laughing and saying no
>no he wants to wait and see
Well shit, this basically screams "we don't like you, anon, we're going to mock you and pick on you until you fuck off". I've read your starved dog story before. I don't remember you mentioning that the other players had pets, and they were fine after the timeskip.

Considering this, it really sounds like they were only letting you play to have laughs at your expense. The ridiculous poison save + the fact you had to sit out an entire game for little to no reason is the shit cherry on the dirt cake. To me it pretty much confirms that they didn't want you to play, they just wanted you to be a punching back to laugh at your reactions.

Please tell me you're no longer playing with them. This is not how normal folks act with friends or even acquaintances. These people are subhuman.

>>54715383
yeah they had pets, one had a young brass dragon the other had a dire wolf.
I breifly mentioned the fact but he said that they did, and that they wouldn't even need to because one's a dragon and the other is a wolf so they can hunt for themselves.
I just let it go, the do was just for roll play purposes

may as well tell the story chronologically, theres quite a lot of fuckery in this campaign

>DM is my elder brother
>Ranger is his GF
>"Dragon Knight" is his GF's friend
>Jedi homebrew is my brothers friend
>me fighter, purple dragon knight

>roll stats
>pick half-orc fighter
>16 str
>14 dex
>12 wis
>9 int
>12 cha

>DM lets us pick a feat, +2 to one stat or a pet of some sort
>Ranger picks +2 dex
>Dragon knight picks a dragon
>jedi picks defensive dualist
>I take linguist
>brother is annoyed and says my character is going to be weak
>tell him that I don't mind and that I just want to play a pretty standard hero
>linguist gives me the languages I need for my backstory and gives me enough int to not have minus to int rolls.
>he agrees

>first encounter
>I climb up a wall to get though a hole to see whats in the room
>ask anyone if they want to follow me
>no one wants to come, one has a wymling to fly up on and one can levitate themselves
>no one wants to come
>I go anyway and find the boss
>it's a bugbear
>I know goblin
>I'm a half-orc fighter
>put all that together and try to trick him by saying I'm here to enlist with his band of bandits
>DM gets mad
>says that would never work and that he won't even let me roll for it
>tells me that he's a bugbear and I'm and orc and they're completely different so he wouldn't accept me and it doesn't matter if I'm speaking goblin or not
>battle starts
>boss meant to be faught by 4 people and a dragon is fighting just me
>bang my shield on my axe to call people
>only the jedi comes up to help
>he gets hit up pretty bad
>I've managed to evade him but haven't manage to him him either

Con

>>54715673
>move away from the bug bear so I can use protection as a reaction when ever the bug bear goes to attack him
>AoP because I forgot to disengage
>take my first hit
>still got quite a lot of hp left but everyone starts flipping out IRL and are saying that I've got me and him killed in the first session because I went in the hole
>after like 10 minutes of staring at his character sheet he casts force push and pushes the bug bear down the hole we came though to a 20ft drop
>whole group is surrounding it
>dragonknight gets K.O and is making her savings throws
>we manage to kill it before she dies and revive her
>everyone is pissed at me and said I was selfish when I was just trying to stay in character and leave the puny elves and hummies and venture forth


>2 levels later
>jedi is stupidly broken now because his jedi homebrew that they got from the internet gave him +5 perssion on the class which upgraded to +10, seeing as the DM is retarded he thought it was 5+10 and gave him a flat +15 to his persuasion rolls not including his charisma and proficiency
>in total this dick head had a +18 on his persuassion rolls
>DM rules that because his persuassion is so high that he can just skip the roll and auto succeeds, he explains that it's jedi mind trick and gives him the power to basicly go around brain washing everyone like luke skywalker
>I find this out right after becoming a purple dragon knight to be the charisma character of the group
>ahh well at least I get team buffs
>Ranger gets a direwolf
>like an idiot I pick purple dragon knight and get rallying cry
>try to talk around towns
>people refuse to talk to me
>hey I have rustic hospitality will that give me a chance to warm people up to me a little or anything
>he says no
>try to enter a pub and try anyway
>try to get in on a betting ring and instantly get thrown out
>try to reason with them as multipul people drag me out of a pub
"they're not listening"
"well half orc's aren't like in these lands"

>>54715673
>>54715955
Anon, reading your story makes me physically sick. Or maybe it was the lunch.
Why do you play with such people? Wouldn't you be better of playing video games?

On the other hand, it would be really interesting hearing the story from perspective of some other player. The DM is bad DM, but i am willing to give him benefit of doubt and say it is because he is unexperienced, right?

>Every NPC ever attempts to trigger you either by constantly insulting you, acting super smug while humiliating you, belittling you, literally slapping your face just because, etc out of the fucking blue
>GM acts like he's 1000% validated to rocks fall your ass if you reply or respond to such threats
2 sessions, 2 fucking sessions why did I even stay for a 2nd?

>>54715955
>level 4
>get mounted combatant
>pretty much the only feat other feat I wanted but because I didn't start with a horse I put this one as second priority
>have the perk now but still don't have a horse
>try to buy a horse from neverwinter
"they don't have horses in neverwinter, it has no stables"
>call bullshit and tell him that no city could survive without trade and there's not trade without horses
>he says that all the horses are being used and they're no spares
>no horses in phandalin
>only horses in waterdeep and they wont let me in
>keep saving up for a horse
>ask if water deep has warhorses
>he says yes
>finally allowed in after months of play
>now level 6
>try to buy warhorse with all the money I was saving
>I'm allowed in but no one will sell me one because I'm a half-orc
>a month later he finally gave me a hourse but it's a demon horse that has a fuck ton of negitive traits is soul bound and can't be broken and can't be ridden in public

>time skip

>level 8
>have been leveling up my charisma
>get expertise in persuasion due to purple dragon knight sub-class
>try to use the +8 persuasion to convince orcs that were better allies then enemies
>trying to set up a orc/goblinoid mercenary group as a means of cleaning up the place and giving orcs and goblins a slightly better name
>grand aspirations but I can at least try and see what the DM thinks
>try to convince the orcs to join my faction instead and offer them gold as a token
>DM say they're not convinced
>ask if I can at least roll
>jedi butts in and tries to mind trick my character into shutting up so they can start fighting
>I've been DMing for a while and I know persuasion on other players is a no go
>tell him that he can't auto persuade my character
>my will (12) vs his will (18)
>fail
>character is forced silent
>battle starts
>it's aproaching 2 years of play and I've only just gotten over the "you're a half-orc so everyone hates you" bullshit
>now he shuts my character down literally

>>54716219
the thing is he's a crit roll era guy, he wants to be very story driven DM, he doesn't take the time to read any of the books and really DM's off of what he's heard from crit roll or skimmed by chance in the PHB.

in hindsight he probably just doesn't like how much I role play, I'm the only character that does it at all other than the jedi and he's the least frequent player and only plays half the time.

when he took away the people hate you restriction he probably just devolved to knocking my character out to skip the dialog seeing as no one else will talk to anyone or do anything in their downtime.

I often try to role play with the other players but they can't do it, not even the jedi.
so I role play with the DM, if I had to guess I'd just say that he shuts me down to get from story point to story point or fight to fight.

I DM two different parties myself but I don't have anywhere else to play as a character.

no Idea why I still turn up really. I guess I'm just curious to see his ass pulls.

>>54716288
You should probably aim to get a tpk.

It's what that group deserves.

>>54716288
TPK or leave the group.

I don't know why you are still playing after the shit in the first post what the hell is wrong with you.

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>>54715673
>Jedi Homebrew
FUCKING ABORT

It's been a while since last time I had an actual "That Guy/That DM" story, so I'll just post an old one: The DM That Just Could Not Improvise At All

>playing homebrew D&D
>we're happily walking down the road
>"the way splits in two, left and right"
>okay, we'll go left
>"What? Left? Uh, no, uhm... you can't. You can't because there's, uh, there's rocks. Big rocks. They block the way."
>well, since we're walking through basically some huge plains we'll just walk around the rocks
>"No, no, no. You can't do that either... because, you see, there's also... bears."
>okay, we'll fight the bears to death and go on
>"Oh, no, that's also impossible because there's too many of them. Lots of bears. There's so many bears, and they're all stronger than you so, uh, you can't go that way"
All of this was because she had written down some events for the right side of the road but not for the left side

>walking through the forest
>"You find a small village"
>let's go in, then
>"You can't go in, the guards won't let you"
>very well, then we take him out
>"No, you see, uh, the village... let's see, the village is completely surrounded by guards. Yes, that's it. Dozens of guards, too strong for you."
>this random diminutive village in the middle of nowhere is completely surrounded by guards? why?
>"It just is"
>very well then, we wait until nighttime and enter while the guards sleep
>"Uh, no, no, you can't do that either, there's a wall. A very tall wall. You can't get over it at all."
>holy crap what's wrong with this place?
>"It's just a village"
>fuck that shit, something's off, we ignite some arrows and shoot them inside
>"Uh, okay"
>now the village is burning
>"Well, yeah, I guess"
>and the guards?
>"They do nothing. Still guarding the gates."
>what? the town is aflame and they just stand there?
>"Yes, that's it"
Once again, apparently she had nothing written down for that village so she didn't want us to go in.

>>54714045
>>54715673
>>54715955
>>54716288
Either this is a fake and you're a regular retard, or you're the most retarded retard to ever walk the earth. Pick one.

>>54702836

>¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
>\\

Be careful, some people care about that mistake.

>>54702732
It's not as if they don't have upsides as well. Kind of shitty they didn't like it,

>>54677182
Take a brawny male slave and fit him with armor. Duh.

>>54677755
Anyone else remember when "good roleplaying" meant returning one piece of treasure to its rightful owner instead of keeping it because alignment? Most of the games in here went bad because one player is trying to improv but can't.

>>54684274
>>54681810
And then there's these two guys who get butthurt when others don't hamlet.

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>>54717765
holY shit

> Join Discord server with multiple games
> Join one channel, casual conversation about builds
> Ask GM for a sheet, he links roll20 and says nothing else
> Continue reading about classes, gonna multiclass
> Next day, GM: I still don't know what [me + all the other new people who joined server] are doing
> Me: Uh, I joined the channel, joined roll20, talked to you and the other players, what else do you want?
> GM: you haven't started your sheet?
> Me: you literally gave me that yesterday, only after I pinged you, the game isn't for a week, and I'm building a multiclass using 2 classes I've never played before.
> GM: *kicks me from server*

At least I found out early that he was retarded.

> Lvl 3, start of campaign
> Be bard, with ranger, pally and wiz
> Going to kill some meanie bandits terrorizing the small town campaign started in
> Already had 4 small/medium fights, 2 small rests, thankfully we were pretty conservative in using our limited spell slots
> Close to the bandits hideout
> I cast Invisibility on myself + ranger does stupid high stealth roll so we can scout ahead
> Fucking paladin says it's taking too long
> Literally 1 minute in real life after I cast my invis and ranger rolled his stealth
> We were not even close to the hideout yet, about to roll first perception to scout
> Paladin charges in
> BANDITS ARE EVIL AND I MUST DEFEAT ALL EVIL I CHARGE IN ARRRGHHHGH

fuck dude... are you fucking retarded really
I just used one of my 2nd lvl spell slots for this, we're already tight on spell slots
Scouting ahead so we know how to proceed, we can surprise attack, assasinate, whatever
Fucking stupid paladin decides otherwise
That guy was texting all night
During the bandit encounter we got completely bumfucked surprised
One guy got to 0 hp
Two others almost dead
Use my last spell slots for Cure Wounds
Session ends, we will probably all die next session thanks to that dude

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>>54678666
>blurt out "heh its okay, id be into me too"

>>54719862
Dealt with this. She just really wanted to win so bad.

>3.5
>New player joins
>Apparently GM's shadowrun
>Comes with homebrew class from dandwiki
>GM tells him no
>Wants to be a "Templar"
>Wants to be a paladin
>We warn him that he might just want to go cleric instead(since it's a political campaign with some dungeon delving)
>Goes paladin takes a shitty substitution level
>Has literally 0 use outside of combat
>Game has a lot of politics
>Other player is a Baron of a county and is the party diplomancer and also a thrallherd
>I am a Theatre Troupe Leader and playwright Shadowcraft Wizard
>All he can ever really do is combat other than say his family back home can help with trade deals
>Eventually retires the character because he realizes he can take no part in anything that isn't combat
>Creates an assassin named Caligulus
>Chaotic Evil
>Attempts to get into a noble's house and find a ledger
>Gets caught(due to bad rolls) and kills a dude
>Takes a locket off the guy and inside is a drawing of a girl he is with
>Says "I'm putting her on my list of people to kill"
>Proceeds to fail to find the ledger and decides to meet the noble at the big ball
>Walks in undisguised
>Proceeds to speak with the noble
>Poisons him and EVERYONE AT THE TABLE
>8 people fall over dead of aspyhxiation
>Fakes his own death using a simulacrum
>Duke thinks that this was an attempt on his life
>Entire ball gets cancelled
>Thinks that was "Black Trenchcoat"
>End of session GM tells him to get his shit together and think through plans


If anyone wants to hear more I can tell you these two tales because the gm runs 3 different games all set in the same period of time. So this retard is running 3 characters and usually he has no real understanding of the rules because he has and still refuses to READ THE FUCKING RULES

>The Retarded 1,200 year old Dragonwrought sage

>The Braindead Bone Knight

>>54721399
I should clarify the game is an evil campaign. He was playing an evil paladin and traded his mount for once a day wings of flying.

We tried to steer him to cleric because well it's 3.5 and paladin is shit with a shitty selection skills and skill points. So we tried to just have him go cleric and take prestige paladin.

>Homebrew templar had a class ability that had their god revive them daily at like level 11
>Constantly comes up with retarded ideas and always tries to give stupid fucking names to things we encounter like steve or bill
>Can't come up with a battle plan other than charge in the middle of everything and get surrounded and beat to shit
>Tries to take charge of the party when he has no idea what he's doing
>Makes notes but he reads them to us and they make 0 sense even to himself
>His characters main goal over everything else was to have a Dire Lion mount (Had almost no ranks ranks in handle animal and ride)
>Constantly splits from the party alone... by himself

>>54714086
>>54714131
>Hey man I know you're new to this system so I just wanted to make sure you're all right with playing a character who won't be as powerful as the other players
What's wrong with this?

>>54720747
Was he trying to reenact le ebin Leeroy Jenkins meme?

>>54721399
I'd enjoy some more of this guy.

>>54717765
Wew, it doesn't sound like she's doing it on purpose at least, just that she's painfully inexperienced, have you told her the nice little trick of quantum events? have you explained that she doesn't have to really have anything happening in a random village if she has no plans for it? (and that she shouldn't bring it up unless the players are specifically looking for a village or she has something planned.)

>>54717765
>All of this was because she had written down some events for the right side of the road but not for the left side
and she couldn't just flip her notes so the events happen when you go left instead?

>apparently she had nothing written down for that village so she didn't want us to go in.
then why even say there's a village there? I'm just saying the easiest way to keep players from going into an unfinished town/dungeon/ruin/whatever is to just omit it, who wants to enter an open field in the middle of an open field?

This is not hard, nor requires any degree of improvisation! Your DM seems a bit dense on top of everything.

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>>54722106
Hardcore RolePlayers frown upon stuff like that because the slightest hint of optimization brings back the night terrors of 3.5 D&D and Pathfinder.

tfw new players like to contribute in fights because they are new to rp, and guiding them to what they initially want is frowned upon by oldfags who have reached the zen beyond mechanics but can no longer understand the wonders of a newborn player

>>54725039
My time playing pathfinder was very brief and actually not all that unpleasant. Though the few months I played Star Wars Saga Edition were utter shit, a bad combination of things led to this turnout.

I cut my teeth on Dark Heresy even though no one 1st go around was really paying attention to the rules but then Got more interested in reading and following game mechanics with 6th Edition CoC, then Pathfinder. Now I play Black Crusade and FFG Star Wars extensively, and I will tell you the crunch on BC I can say now is ridiculous! Makes me pine to go back to FFGSW.

Point is: I never really got to experience the horror show of 3.5 optimization and class tiers myself so my relationship with the very concept of optimization is... very different.

>>54678740
Thank Christ for the occasional neckbro.

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>Barbarian, Describes a character as a bloodthirsty warlord wannabe, travelling the world in search of foes to fight
>"Anon why aren't we fighting encounters?"
>"Hey some bandits to kill would be cool now"
>"Are there monsters nearby? I roll to search"
>"Diplomacy is boring, we should fight these guys instead"
>"I attack a peasant lol"
>"Okay, okay, i don't attack a peasant, we should fight more often though"
>We go investigate the burial mounds where i have encounter prepared (mind, the before was repeated again and again over the span of half an hour)
>Describe a shambling monstrosity of bones melded together rising from the burial mound
>"Oh no, we must all flee, the anon has given us an impossible enemy to fight"
>"Hey, if we flee through the village, the monster wil be too busy murdering peasants to chase after us"
>Flees, gets pissy when the rest of the group defeats the monster without him
>"I should totally get exp too, i was giving tactical advice"
>"By the way when i was away i totally was attacking these peasants"

>>54726288
I played with a similar guy, only that his thing was rape. Every 5 seconds he would try to stick his penis into something. The cringe was unbearable.

>>54687453
Hope it's 1e where psy powers can blow up even if you're careful.

>>54684274
It's sad that people treat roleplaying and min-maxing as mutually exclusive. Like i'm an unapologetic powergamer who tries to milk characters for as much power as they'll give me. However a combination of good roleplaying and helping the GM flesh out the game world is an invaluable powergaming tool. It's how you maximize your screen time, your ability to influence the plot, and the chances the GM will just up and give you free stuff. Like seriously, come up with a good story and a good character, and not only is the GM liable to just give you more shit for free, all the other players will be cool with it because they'll feel you earned it.

There is literally better way to powergame than to have an strong build and the whole table happy to let you just go ahead and be the main character. Don't just powergame the mechanics, powergame the group.

>>54716288
If you haven't left, killed or griefed these fucks in some way by this point, you honestly deserve the abuse.

Really there's all sorts of red flags here, but I'll greentext anyways:
>Learn about a game that's being run and message the GM
>GM lets me in without so much as an interview. Seems he's basically doing first come first served
>Upon joining the game's discord, I learn most of the players are hardcore Critical Role fans
>Like, avid posters on the subreddit and everything. Not even ironically.
>I decide that maybe I'm being too much of an old man yelling at clouds and will give the game a 3 session try
>First problem: GM's wife or girlfriend or maybe even his mother by the sounds of it is also playing and uses the same mic as the GM. Also doesn't roll in roll20 like the rest of us.
>Second problem: Noob grill who claims to be playing a Chaotic Good Warlock. Tries to emulate Vex's accent. Thinks spamming Command on NPCs isn't an out-of-alignment action. Is somewhat random, but not as bad as problem 3
>Third problem: edgy teenager based on his play style. Plays a chaotic stupid rogue that has kleptomancy and never reveals what he learns on perception checks. Even when it's really important information like a "This NPC is a member of the Thieves' Guild based on a symbol on his house" type thing. Somehow has an IC fiance that I'm pretty sure he had the GM add as some for of wish fulfillment.
>Story arc is typical not!mindflayer is brainwashing and controlling citizens for evil purposes
>In killing the not!mindflayer, we have to kill several of its thralls
>Every NPC involved (and even the players) go full emo after the fact that some people had to die and waste a good two hours on angst
>Only redeeming thing that came from all of this is another player straight out saying IC: "Most of you are so terrible that I won't be adventuring with you after this job is complete."

I know no game is better than a bad game, but maybe I'm just being a jaded faggot about everything.

>>54726599
What that anon said. These people are only letting you play with them because they want to laugh at you. You're basically their punching bag.

>>54720566
It's easier for GMs to prepare a fun adventure when they know your characters in advance. It sounds like you were being sassy.

>>54677279
>The Chad Cleric
>only ever attacks
>Full Frontal Assaults everything, even the ground
>has never read a healing spell in his life

>>54720566
>be a needy, uncooperative bitch
>cry on 4chan about it
kek, he could smell your timewasting ass from a mile away

>>54727362
>The Virgin Wizard
>fell for the 'all powerful wizard' meme
>several thousand gold in debt
>doesn't wear wizard robes or a hat, too embarrassing
>self conscious about spell pronunciation
>thought a magic staff would be cool, never takes it out of his house
>has no friends to adventure with, won't go within 100ft of a tavern

>>54722767
>Retarded Dragonwrought Sage

>Makes a Dragonwrought Kobold Shaman who is 1,200 years old
>Completely fails to read the rules and tries to take a Giant Eagle as an animal companion and keeps saying he wants to teach it to be lawyer since it has an int of 10
>When he starts casting he's casting 6th level spells
>Gave himself half-dragon template so he could be medium sized since he didn't want to be small. (Gm houserule) so he should at the least be only casting 4th level spells
>He took "Improved Spell Capacity" twice.
>Epic feat
>Tries to proclaim himself the Henry Kissinger of fantasy world
>Keeps forgetting what he is supposed to be doing forgetting his own goals
>Tried to order around other players character a Barbarian named Grigo who is the left hand man to the Warlord
>Because he thinks after being hired as an advisor he can pull rank over Grigo
>Only saving grace is he actually seems to have some goal of making a magical school

>Braindead Bone Knight

>Makes bone knight for undead uber-dungeon
>Constantly charges headfirst into battle on his mount and gets surrounded 120 feet from the party
>Always asking us for heals even though he can prepare them himself
>Asking an Evil Party who has been fighting a war of preservation of their own lives for months
>Prepares spells he can't actually cast
>Have to keep correcting him because of the bullshit he keeps doing because he doesn't read rules
>Likes to make stupid plans like flying over a 12 headed colossal hydra with a frog face in it's chest and trying to ground pound it
>Gets eaten instead and nearly dies
>Constantly splits up from the party but thanks to his class features he's saved from most doom as he is immune to disease and poisons
>GM decides to give him divine rank 0 by having him absorb a god spawn


We've been hoping his bone knight would die he almost got disintigrated until he fucking rolled a nat 20. REEEEEE Then he absorbed the god spawn

>>54727778

Atleast I managed to steal half of the god spawns body and sacrifice it to my goddess. Got an artifact that transforms the nearby terrain into desert. Also has various desert powers and can summon black sand and create sandstorms

>>54726542
Fucking this. Exactly my style.

>>54723992
Being unexperienced is no excuse for having no imagination at all.

>>54724960
>then why even say there's a village there?
This.

>>54726434
More pls.

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>>54727459
>The Wizard Wizard
>just wants to learn shit
>300 koku
>wears the biggest hat possible for maximum isolation
>just screams shit like "ABRACADABRA" at the top of his lungs before casting a spell
>staff is literally up his ass
>hounded to the ends of the earth by adoring students

>>54729067
I'll never not love the concept or the name of Big Hat Logan.

>>54676578
>>Why would [religious group] have copies of their religious texts in the shrine that they own and operate, they're not magical, they don't give spells?
If you kill them, i'll start a gofundme to bail you out

>>54677391
>I don't want to do this quest
>YOUR CHARACTER'S HEAD EXPLODES AND YOU DIE! HAHAHAAHA
You are that GM.

>>54678445
>they set the maid on fire and throw her out the window and into the street
>all the while screaming "FOR THE EMPEROR"
This just sounds like your standard warhammer player to me. What's the issue?

>>54730379
Its not a quest, its an Inquisitorial mission. You either do what they say or you die. Its how it works in 40k.

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Good thread imo, I'll throw in my recent party's pain

>be playing a game of 5e for little over a year in a neat homebrew high fantasy high magic setting that goes form levels 4-20+
>due to me being the only surviving character since session 0 I end up as the party face and the tank and the healer and the primary dps
>fuck
>the round I go down is the round everyone dies
>players have rerolled 3+ times but no one wants to be a tank to take the pressure off me
>DM being the bro he is sees this and invites a new players
>enter That Guy
>OOC insists on being called Shadow
>ok
>rude, annoying, if I can't have attention no one can type guy
>ok
>new to dnd and table tops in general
>ok
>character is a homebrewed and poorly min/max'ed attempted at bleach
>ok... whatever at least he'll tank for me
>gets shredded by the female archmage npc quest giver when he challenged her to assert dominance
>DM asked him three times "Are you sure about this?"
>moans the entire session while he makes his new character
>interrupts us to constantly ask about our opinion on these bullshit homebrewed classes that look like they were written by a 12yo
>this is ok
>enter new character Light, the demon hunter and his patron Steve
>DM tells me I can detect godlike lineage in him
>I roll religion
>Demigod of Ra using the Demigod class
>this is not ok
>checks class
>I transform into a angel or demon for free
>I get a unlimited range on sight fear aura
>my tank isn't a tank but my class just gives me free avoidance and a ac of 29
>also you must call me Light form now on else I'm going to throw fit

cont.