Orks, Wrightfaggotry

*"You want my account for the black library?... an account of what?"
"...him huh? I suppose that's understandable, I don't know what he's doing now, not really the type to write, I don't think he knows how to"
"Fine, I'll tell you what I know of him, but only if you drop all charges on me, my crew, and my ship"
"*sighs* Alright, let's go from the start than.."*
Intermission:
Orks, the true rulers of the galaxy, their might spreads to the farthest reaches of the materium, a clever Ork Kaptin can sense the mood of his crew, seeking out any disloyalty and ruthlessly crush it "Move it boyz! Enough muckin about, we'ze got some swag tah snag!!" Goreplank, was not that kind of Kaptin "Aye boss, me and some of the boyz were thinkin.." the nobs face spit into a feral grin, obvious even through the massive Jaw Plate bolted into his cheeks, as the group of Orks crowded behind him, slowly started to draw out large chunks of metal, roughly hewn in the vague semblance of axes and swords, Slagbrain was holding up what seemed to be four tricycles crudely welded together( we don't talk about Slagbrain). gore plank for his part did what most other Orks would do when confronted with a problematic situation... He blew it up

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Orks, rarely make advanced battle plans like other races, such as the Eldar, but they make up for this lack of strategy with brutal cunning and a penchant for violence- with a flick of his wrist, a small metal, bowling pin flew into the gaggle of Orks, confused faces looking down at the small spiky metal as it rattled against the ground, giving off an ominous ticking "Zog-*BOOM*" in a shower of shrapnel, fire, and Ork limbs, Goreplank skipped through and out of the main deck, socking a bewildered boy trying to find his missing arm and smashing a small purple colored button that no one seemed to have noticed before. Rusted Metal walls growled as they lifted, revealing a small chair and control station through the wall -make up for in brutal cunning- he slipped into the seat, bullets shirking by. Barreling into the roughly hewn metal walls as he smashed at the control panel. The door behind him shut with a thud before massive rockets strapped to the side shook into life, spitting gouts of flame and charcoal exhaust. -in brutal cunning- the Rok tore out of the ship, sending metal scrap into space as he careened away from the titanic, cobbled together ship -BRUTAL CUNNING- "gits..." *explosion* his view screen was suddenly rack with blinding white light, somewhere deep within the ship, several hanger bay doors had opened, leading from the splodin squig pen to the plasma reactors in the ship, the rest is history, a history of explosions, fire, and several millions of lives suddenly snuffed out...

Ha ha yeah, it looks a bit weird when I look back at it, I'll have to adjust for that, thanks!

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"Not enough squig juice to keep dis un' in dah sky, whelp, time tah crash- WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" Few people on the planet would notice the arrival of the ork, any scanners the planet had would simply notice a small meteor crashing into one of its many desserts, far from civilization. Little did they know, this small meteor might just be the end of their world... "oof, dat was quite dah zoggin mess, only t'ing dah'd make it worse would be-" a single ramshackle vehicle slowly rolled over a sand dune, in it, several hollering orks sped towards him. So Goreplank decided now would be a good time to use a less common move amongst his people, the band of maybe five orks rolled up coming to a halt before dismounting from their dune buggy, swaggering around the crashed meteor "wuz dis here boss?" "dunno, looks like a big.. Rok" "yeah but it's got all dese metal bits" the bigger among them slaps one of the orks over the head "den get to lootin, grot brain!" the offending ork cowers slightly "b-but boss! Deres a hatch ere' look!" the bigger amongst them walks over, shoving the two crowding around the door out of the way, the interior was pitch black, he could almost make out a shape in there and.. a pair of eyes?"

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an instant later his slugga was in his hand and the clip was quickly expunged into the cramped quarters of the rok, another moment later and an axe the size of one of the smaller of their mob has suddenly lodged itself through the back of the bosses skull, burrowing down further into his belly. Orks are no push overs when it comes to not dying, they can last weeks without food or water, sustain enormous amounts of damage before succumbing to their wounds, reattach entire limbs that don't even belong to them. So try to imagine the other orks surprise as their leader was for all intensive purposes split in two, revealing eleven feet of green wrapped tightly in red and black trench coat and all topped off with a lightly gnarled pirates hat grinning down at them, each missing about four feet on their new adversary "watcha?" Goreplank grinned, choppas were drawn, threats were made and four more orks lay sprawled across the desert in various forms of dismemberment. Just as he finished off the small group a strange sound rang out behind him *cha-chink* Goreplank slowly turned around, staring slightly bewildered at the sixth ork who was sleeping in the back and now had the buggies massive twin link, extra-shooty-double-dakka-grakka-blasta (with special self modified cocking mechanism that didn't actually aid in firing whatsoever) glaring down at him "six.. dere wer six of 'em.. Gork be da-"

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"HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR, yeh like dat zog brain!? Thought you could krump ol' Goreplank aye? NAH MATE! YEA' GOT ZOGGED!!" gore plank stood up from the pummeled corpse of the last ork, a couple more holes in his chest and one massive slug shell stuck deep in his right arm before being tugged out with a grunt and tossed on top of the shoota ork "you can 'ave dat back now" laughing he jumped down into the front seat, taking a few moments to adjust the seat to his size (he tore off the back of the seat). Leaning out the cabby door he let out a whistle, a moment later an ork fits sized squig (make a fist, wrap your other hand around it, there you go) happily bounded out of the crashed Rok, stopping to devour a large pile of entrails left in the sand before continuing its short journey over to the ex-Warboss, jumping up into his lap and slipping into his coat. the keys were still in the slot, grinning he pinched them between two fingers and gave them a nice good tur-*tink*... he slowly brought his pinched fingers up to his face, looking at the glint of metal shining between them, he looked back down at the keys slot, seeing the same glint of metal stuck into the ignition "I 'ate me life"

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FIVE DAYS LATER: "I 'ate dis gorkless desert!! Nothing to stomp, nothin to eat er' drink an' dis big fat zogger in the sky screamin heat at me!" he points up to the sun and proceeds to flip it off and howl insults, the sun decides to get just a bit hotter that day. His tracks leading in a long, but notably straight line behind him and around midday, his shoulders slumped and feet dragging, a large blurry dark shape started to come into view over the horizon "ooo dat looks pretty close!"

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TWO DAYS LATER: From what our scanners said at the time, he must have come from a meteor that crashed almost 600 miles away "Not -huff- dat -huff- close" *we aren't sure how he got so close to the compound, he even managed to find his way into our base before someone finally noticed him.* Goreplank finally arrived at the base he'd seen two days before, watching it slowly come closer and closer into view. it was around midday when he started to crawl across the sandy dunes, several guards were stationed around the enclosed fortress, they were well equipped, each held a hell gun, wrapped in carapace armor, probably veterans of a few battles. two stood watch on short towers overlooking the side Goreplank approached from, another two stood guarding the large metal cargo doors, though none seemed to noticed the patch of green and red inching its way closer to the compound, the first any of them knew of it was when one of the guards by the door suddenly came down with a severe case of ork fist, and the other being lifted in the air by his head. Goreplank brought the guards face close to his own, his bottom teeth making a soft *tack* sound as they hit his helmet "aye dere lad, 'ow's about you do ol' Goreplank a favor and open up dis' 'ere door" the guardsmen let out a soft whimper "none o' dat now, promise I won't eat yer little umie brains if'n yeh be a good 'un, be best pals Goreplank and uhhh.. what's iz face" The guard stammers a bit as his body was brought over to the control panel "R-Rick?" "Rick, Goreplank and RIck, bit o ring to it eh?" Rick nods his head and inside his helmet, making a muffled shifting sound before opening the doors. Just as they start to open Rick finds his head smashing against the metal wall above the controls and dropped to the side, his helmet was cracked but luckily his skull wasn't.. much "as a good lad!"

I'm a bit new to 4chan so I'm not sure what bump means but I'll take it as a good thing! I hope anyone who's been reading this has enjoyed so far, sorry about a long time before posts and any criticism or praise would be great!

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*How did we find him? Heh well, it's less about how, than when, he must have been skulking around the base for almost a day, after we found out someone was in the compound we had the entire place searched, but all we ever found were unconscious guards, missing rations, and an occasion pile of dung. Hmm? Oh, the guards were out cold for a couple days each, they didn't wake up until after we already knew of him, but then one day we finally found him in the command room. several people were bustling around at the time while we put the video surveillance through intense scrutiny, but every time something happened the cameras never quite caught it. A guard would be standing by a door, the camera turns and suddenly the mans down, missing his flask or current meal, or when the camera cut out just before John could blow out the candles on his birthday cake, only for it to switch back on to show it had mysteriously disappeared, then there was Carter, who was being stalked by a mysterious moving barrel while he was bringing his double decker meat sandwich from the cafeteria, a second later all three were gone.* Caption Kraken attempted to wrap her head around it, maybe it was a psyker, or maybe someone with some tech know-how messing with the cameras, maybe her people are playing a trick on her, maybe-THUMP- all eyes shifted in the control room to look at what had suddenly fallen from the ceiling, some guessed it would be a demon, others an eldar, or some kind of mutant animal, instead laying on his back, wrapped tight in red and stretching out about eleven feet laid Goreplank, groaning and rubbing the back of his head as he slowly rose to his feet. (thanks for the bump Anon!)

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"gnn 'das goanna leave a dent, aye?" he looked around, more than twenty eyes focused on him, all wide and around "aye dere, watcha?" in a flurry of motion everyone suddenly had weapons in hand, Goreplank's great choppa was raised high just as dozens of weapons settled on his bulky frame "mmm, das a bit rude" Caption Kraken cocked her head to the side, her eyes flickering up to the massive axe he had poised in a clear chopping motion over his head. Goreplank looks up at his own weapon as if just noticing it "yeah s'fair 'nough" slowly he lowered his weapon, looking back at the Caption, a slight smirk creasing his lip as his eyes drifted along her frame, she had an athletes build, not slim, but not thick either, somewhere in between and with quite a big of slim muscle bulging under her tight fitting clothes, though that wasn't what he was grinning at. In her left hand was a Plasma pistol, leveled squarely at his head, in the other was a sword she'd draw as well, her face firm, if not a bit quizzical "das was of dah tinkin dat all you humie 'capi-tons' were a buncha scally wag's woosin outa proppa fights" she grins back, her plasma pistol starting to glow "not this one scallywag~" Goreplank's weapon clattered to the floor, making everyone but Lord Kraken jump, only insisting a surprised look from her as his hands raised into the air, his massive body shifting to face her "well den, yah slim piece o' krump bait, ye' got urself a prisoner" a wide toothy grin split across his face as the guards slowly moved in, those small red eyes burrowing into Krackens own *I should have killed him right then and there...I knew from that look that this ork had a destiny and no one but their kind wishes for that.. But I didn't and that leaves us here... Yeah yeah, sorry I got sidetracked, after that-"

(That's all I have so far, so I'm gonna be going to bed, I hope anyone who read this found Goreplanks shenanigans noteworthy at the least and hopefully entertaining at, I'll make the next chapter and be posting it later, tootaloo!)