Meanwhile on elven /tg/:

>>54635198
Why does my wife always go out at night to pick flowers by the human village? Seems like an odd place to go for flowers.

Is she making me a flower wreath? I hope she's making me a flower wreath.

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>>54635198
I saw a Dwarf earlier. That's the rest of my century ruined.

>>54635213
>turns out she actually is making a flower wreath while helping a human woman land her man
She's a very nice lady you know that?

>>54635198
Why are we so perfect /elf/?

>>54635198
That looks more like a half elf and a human

>>54635275
Are orcs the bbc meme of the fantasy world? Elves get cucked by humans and humans get cucked by orcs?

>>54635250
We actually have the lifespan to take a nice step back and appreciate ourselves for the beautiful beings we are

Also why are human mages so damn insane?!?

I need more EFY! stories. Science-fiction should be about how awesome we are, not that "dying race" bullshit.

Ugh did Gnomoot really lower the bump limit to 350,000?

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>>54635289
Really more with Japanese fantasy, but yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this but I've actually found a version of elves I hate more than mary sue elves, japanese fantasy elves.

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>>54635198
So, I just discovered this thing those stupid humans do and I'm afraid I'm addicted.

Its just so. damn. good. Please send help.

>>54635278
At this point most pointy ears are just human.

>>54635213

Undoubtedly. My wife is similarly enamoured with the cherry blossoms growing on the hills by the local orc village. I was concerned initially because I feared the brutes would do her some harm, but she has since assured me that the beasts are quite friendly. She too likes to head out after dark, saying she greatly enjoys the impressive sights of the night, of reaching for and finding the great boughs in the dark, and climbing atop them beneath the shimmering starlight. She even has meetups with orc women to go on walks in the woods to search for tender glades, saying she enjoys exploring the rolling hills, humid valleys and secret delights.

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Ey, drop those skinny girlymen and get with a real man, elf ladies! Have you ever seen someone this good looking? You tall bitches love the stout, bearded dick, don't even pretend.

>>54635351
Humans are like slightly saner goblins.
Slightly being the operative word.
>let's make a chemical that burns literally everything

>>54635380
Is that why all your women are fucking humans?

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I didn't realise this would be a thread centering around cuckholding... I... I only popped in to say that elfs are purely for raping and murdering...

>>54635335
It's okay anon. Everything that Japan makes or does is worthy of high levels of hate. Just look at stuff like Pearl Harbor or those Sony phones.

>>54635380
>"Stout"
>Isn't even long enough to hit your own women from behind.

This is why all your women turn to taller men Bjorn. That and hygiene.

>>54635384
I've noticed that. But have you tried these yet? They're like having little tiny bits of the light of eru in your mouth.

They're so salty and just melt in your mouth. Some of them even dip them in creamy white milky stuff.

>>54635400
Do not reply to ugly dwarfs.

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>>54635400
You ever try to find a lady's breadbasket when the weave on the basket's the size of the whole bloody bakery? Let the humans have 'em! Drop those silver dresses and bun up those silky tresses, I'm coming for your women!

>>54635417
>enjoying a nightly stroll with other women is cuckoldry

>keep hearing lesser races are easy
>this brutal level of competition between orcs, goblins, ogres, trolls, giants, centaurs, werewolves, gnolls, dark elves, daemons, even some deities, just to get a bloody date with so much as a halfling
Fuck this, I'm staying with my tribe.

>>54635417
Worthless brutish orc. You would not understand the gentle connection with nature one experiences when frolicking in the woods. Of course such a base creature would immediately assume it had a concealed indecorous nature.

>>54635421
It's just...it's so hard anon. Japanese fantasy is just such pure crap

their orcs are just fat, dumb pig rapists

their elves are just shitty forest dwellors made to be kicked around, enslaved, and raped

their humans are just various levels of stupid

and everything is either some kind of dragon or just an evolution of another monster instead of just being it's own thing.

The worst part is it's just always the same tired setting that uses the cheap shallow stereotypes that I just stated above.

>>54635641
have you considered reading actual japanese fantasy rather than reading porn and complaining that it's porn

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>>54635303
They are as mayflies, none live long enough to truly appreciate the intricate subtleties of magic. The few who don't blow themselves up inevitably go insane. Some even twist themselves into unholy mockeries of life to study it longer.

Pic related for the true purpose of the human species, and why an elf mage would instruct them in the delicate arts

>>54635664

Sssssh, don't force him to think too hard.

>>54635469
But... that's obviously a cover up for lesbian sex...

>>54635521
Why else would your elven maidens hang around human villages at night when sex normally happens? Besides... orcs aren't always violent you racist...

>>54635438
Humans are weird. One of them asked me if the rumors about orc phalluses were true. It was weird...

>>54635677
>being a species traitor

>>54635664
To be fair, Japan itself is pretty fucking weird and perverted, at least to us westerners. They have shit like penis worshipping festivals and there are old Japanese paintings from like the 17th century about women getting fucked by octopuses.

>>54635699
Simple beast, I pity your diminished faculties. The connection between elves and the beauty of nature is far deeper than your crude mind could possibly comprehend, and none are more connected than pure elf maidens. It is highly common for such young women to be drawn to the deep forests despite the dangers posed by wretched beasts, such as orcs, lycanthropes, or grasping betentacled horrors. Such is their gentle, virginal nature and deep connection to the woods they can even espy shyer forest denizens such as centaurs or the large horned fae.

>>54635718
everything looks weird and perverted when you have no context. american horror movies independently invented the tentacle rape scene and reintroduced it to japan with the help of occupation-era censorship laws, and for all the phallus-worship of one shrine in their religion we have meetings of a literal vampire cult in every town in the country weekly.

dragging it back to topic, though, this can be a great source to mine for elfweirdness. i mean, we're talking a race that would see birthday parties as some sort of Americlap pasta made real.

>>54635664
I have, and while there are actual good japanese fantasy stories, there are also tons of japanese fantasies that just use the same dumb tropes over and over.
>have you considered reading actual japanese fantasy rather than reading porn and complaining that it's porn

>Complained about everything being part dragon

...jesus anon, the fuck kind of shit do you read?

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>muh elves fuck the human self-insert meme because they are sluts meme because their men are fags memes
And then the thread sprials down and down and /tg/ shows its ugly visage.

>>54635800
I was thinking you were baiting until you mentioned fae, those things are so afflicted with human fever that trying to get them to even look with interest at each other is hard and at others it's just fucking impossible.
I know because my sisters and brothers each tried for actual centuries and closest they got was platonic friendship.

>>54635849
Just shut up and eat Marcille.

>>54635849
Stupid fat-eared whore

>>54635360
O R C E D

>>54635275
Anon that cock is very visibly still in the picture, be careful.

>>54635849
Shut up, fat ears.

There is no way this thread won't be a shitshow because we let humans in.
>they are sluts to muh BBC... I mean BHC!
Nigger tier thread.

>>54635803
>american horror movies independently invented the tentacle rape scene and reintroduced it to japan with the help of occupation-era censorship laws
How did America ever create tentacle rape and introduce it into Japan? I don't know about any American cinema where this is prominent, meaning that is very fringe, while Japan a respected artist made a painting about tentacle rape.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dream_of_the_Fisherman%27s_Wife

>for all the phallus-worship of one shrine in their religion we have meetings of a literal vampire cult in every town in the country weekly.
Those are two completely different things. One is a religious festival that has hundreds of participants while the other the other are just a few teenagers going through a phase.

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>>54635275
Daily reminder that humans are excellent allies made for canon fodder our auxiliary phalanx.

>>54635800
I guess you are right. I've never had a wandering eleven maiden come onto me before so the tales couldn't be anymore than fabrications.

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>>54635890
>>54635901
>>54635936
I rather fill this thread to the brim with Marcille than have another thread of humans false-flagging as elves to fabricade stories that degarde them.

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>tfw no elven maiden to ravage
>tfw will never stretch an elven slut's mouth open while fucking her from behind
>tfw will never turn the elven whore into a proper house wife

>>54635986
As a human I can rightly say that succubi is the preferred non-human partner followed by halflings, then orcs, then goblins, then centaurs, then trolls, then giants, then oni, then lamia, then like 8 harpy types, then giant worm monsters, point is elves are so far on the lust totempole that you only think it's a lot because you fuckers barely reproduce so the one elf maid/lad that marries a human every century or so is a big deal to you but here in human country it's so insignificant that it's not even really a statistic.

>this whole thread
Looks like /elfypol/ was right again. Humans have magically proven lower int and wis scores and should be kept out of the Eldar Heartlands.

>>54635949
>the other the other are just a few teenagers going through a phase.
Dude, he was talking about the eucharist

>>54635961
Exactly. Wait, what tales?

>>54635860
Indeed. And obviously the maidens bear similar friendships with all other creatures of the forest.

>>54635903
Poor dumb brute. Such a savage animal that it cannot understand the simple concept of chastity, as its own sordid mind is so beholden to the basest of urges it cannot conceive of the purity of young elven women, nor of platonic relationships. I pity you.

>>54636083
Indeed. Humans are the goblins of the good-aligned races. You are worse than even orcs when it comes to weaknesses of the flesh. I cannot fathom how human society survives when you have such short lives an waste so much of it rutting like animals in the gutter. I fear the industry of entire human settlements must grind to a halt daily because one human caught sight of another's posterior, an the entire metropolis falls like a row of dominoes as more and more humans stop work to tear off their clothes and leap into a vast mound of grunting naked monkeys.

>>54636083
But that's wrong you pretend human. As a human I can list our favorite non-human lovers in order.
1. Horses
2. Centaurs
3. Wolfs
4. Dogs
5. Wolf dogs
6. Elfs
7. Orcs
8. Lamias
9. Pigs
10. Cows
11. Goats
12. Sheep

>>54636145
The tales my bard friends tell me. They speak of elven maidens coming into their homes and laying with them under the dark of night.

>>54636152
>hick

>>54636145
As long as you stay in your woods and leave to my snake lady we are good Twiggy.

>>54636211
>hick
I'll have you know that our farmlands keep the cities fed you yuppy!

>>54636191
It's probably just an oversized fairy in the tales, only they are so crude.

>>54636191
>>54636242
Indeed. Humans are well known for their licentiousness. It is no great revelation that the Elder Ones would seek the mayflies for unconditional copulation. It is a miracle the troglodytes do not die of old age midway through the entanglement.

>>54636191
Bards tend to be full of shit.

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>>54635380
Manlets, when will they learn?

>>54635213
Wife (male)

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How about we just kill all the humans.

>>54636106
lel what's the Eucharist? Is it a pagan LARP festival or something.

>>54636344
Fear not brother, the mayflies will die on their own before you know it. If not by their microscopic lifespans then by their gargantuan hubris.

>>54636320
I really want to butt fuck a trappy elven man now. Just fuck her/him and listen to his squeaky moaning while I cum inside his/her butt. Then I want to cuddle with him/her afterwards.

>>54636344
Every time without fail this is tried everyone rushes in to save their bed warmers.
Even the shitting drow. At this point I've just given up and hope they're too busy humping each other to death to get any closer.

>>54636391
See, here's the thing I always thought was weird. In a lot of settings elves are supposed to be androgynous right? Yet people always think of that as they're all feminine at a certain level. But androgynous means you can't tell whether they're a guy or girl because they lack any real features of either. So wouldn't that mean Elves(the ones where the androgyny is in effect) are just supposed to be weird looking, skinny people? How is that attractive?

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>Humans keep calling our women sluts
>Meanwhile human women fuck everything except other humans
Do humans really think those half-elves, half-orc, half-giants, half-dragons, half-celestials, half-infernals, half-minotaurs and even fucking half-slimes came out of thin air?

>>54636454
Well most people don't use those elves. I'll have fun butt-fucking my trappy elven partner and giving him tons of anal orgasms via prostate stimulation.

>>54636464
>implying we didn't just breed other race's women.

>>54636464
Baby half-air elementals do.

>>54636464
>>54636485
This.

>>54636481
This is unironically the most heterosexual thing I've read all day

>>54636485
It was both ways monkey, I've seen your kind. Too busy in centaur maid's behind to notice the young woman going off into a corner with the ogre.
How are there even still humans with all the marrying out they do?

>>54636454
>In a lot of settings elves are supposed to be androgynous right?
No, try to come up with a source on this. Yes, I've seen the ring movies, Tolkien would probably not agree with this depiction.

>>54636490
>You wanna know why women queef occasionally without meaning to?
>Air elemental impregnated them and they just went through labor.

>>54636509
LITERALLY HOW!? PLEASE TELL ME!

>>54636536
>He's a fag

>>54636485
>race-mixing
Disgusting, these male sluts have no pride in their race.

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>>54636454
Look at how ambiguous this person is. You have no idea what kind of genitals they're packing. It could be one, it could be both! The possibilities are endless. Fucking an elf is like choosing a mystery box to put your dick in.

>>54636522
Hey. Everyone knows that horse pussy is absolutely irresistible no matter what race it's on! H-have you seen their donut shaped anuses, you racist elf scum?

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>>54636464
>Implying those aren't the results of Human men sticking it in any hole or reasonably soft object they can find

Silly knife-ears, you underestimate the power of human males and the combined intelligence of their two heads.

>>54636536
It's only gay if you're not arrogant and ignorant enough to continue insisting it's straight no matter how much others tell you it's gay. Thus, it's completely straight.

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>>54636536
because this site is full of faggots, in both meanings of the word.

>>54636610
So I can butt-fuck as many trappy elven guys as I want and it's straight if I think it's gay? YES! Time to fetch the oil!

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>>54635213
Guess what, you prissy elven faggot? She's making ME, a human man, a flower wreath because, in case you haven't noticed you little fop, she's trying to help me recover from the post-war trauma that has alienated me from the rest of my village.
Sorry about the language, it's hard not to lash out.

>>54636464
>when you realize that all the problems with human men fucking other races and human women getting fucked by other races are due to deeply-ingrained marital problems
>tfw there's no race that can work as a marriage counselor

>>54636152
>goats
>sheep
>Not at the top

I'll grant that horses are more popular, but really.

>>54636831
What if minotaurs were actually the best marriage counselors and psychologists?

>>54636872
Well I'm not one of the humans from the sandy dessert regions that don't have superior horse pussy on hand.

>>54636320
kek

>>54636874
And now comes the part why the fuck you would think that.

>>54636906
It was just a thought. I think it would be very silly.

>>54636391
We all do, anon. We all do.

>>54636874
>The bull being a marriage counselor
yikes

>>54636874
>Well okay, there have been a lot of virgins of both sexes sent into my labyrinth, but just because they'd never done the deed doesn't mean they didn't have problems. And it was easy for those problems to resurface when faced with a situation that they couldn't handle together, such as a labyrinth with seemingly no exit. But that's why I'm here, to help you solve your problems for good - and this time not by eating anyone, but by helping you figure out the source of those problems and to tackle them head on, without a ball of yarn to hold you back.

>>54636932
>The bull
That was a funny joke.

>>54636536
Because it's not gay if you say "no homo" first.

>>54636944
Minotaurs is confirmed for best psychologist.

>>54636805
Big Boss a cute, but Kaz is best boy.

>>54636944
>tfw you'll never be gently caressed by a mighty minotaurs before he bends you over and painfully takes your anal virginity
>He stretches your butt out and pounds it until you're shooting cum all over the bed/wall/ground and continues ravaging you while filling your bowels with his good
W-why l- live?

>>54636881
>Highland barbarians painted with blue woad come to raid our village
>The only females they wind up kidnapping are sheep

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>>54635380
You 'sulting my Body, Dwarflet?

>>54637064
...
That was because there were no horses! REEEEEEEEE!

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>>54637007
Kaz...had a hard life. It was sad to see how he changed from Peacewalker and Ground Zeroes to Phantom Pain. And then we know how he ends up.

They didn't even give him a cute nurse to help him out, dammit. It isn't right.

>>54637081
>muh body
PFFFFFFT! Unless you're taller than 6,1 loads of muscle is just silly looking, dagger-ear.

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>>54636881
>Implying your two dollar whorse hole is in any superior to the might of goat girl pussy

>>54637151
>implying
I'd link you a Google drive demonstrating how superior whorse pussy is but I'd get in trouble... dammit... this is the curse of being a druid...

>>54637190
Horse vaginas have more muscle inside of them than human and goat vaginas.

>>54636320
No such thing as a male elf

>>54637242
All elfs are either female or trappy, fuckable males with big, jiggly butts and small cocks.

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>>54635198
>how can other elves even compete?

>>54637268
best elves

>>54637296
No. The best elfs are trappy male elves with big, jiggly butts and small cocks.

>>54637304
found the human

>54637242
>54637266
>54637304
Epic.

>>54637315
REEEEEEEEEE! NOT ALL HUMANS ARE SLUTS!

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>>54637304
Is this a human post, or an elf post? Are humans gay, or are elves gay???

>>54637328
>implying
they'll even fuck orcs and slimes and shit, wonder why all these half monsters exist? because human women cant stop fucking monsters

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>>54635275
>still not deleted
I guess mods approve of the orc x human girl.

>>54637345
Just because I posted it and I'm a human doesn't mean anything! If I only had sex with that trappy elf and no other creature then I'm not a slut.

>>54637347
>He doesn't realise that humans will win the race war by breeding with EVERYTHING

>>54637416
>win the race war
>by fucking other men

also
>falling for the R selection meme

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>>54637416
>that moment when you realize that humans are the japanese fantasy dragons of the humanoid species.

>>54637449
It's not a meme.

>>54637482
What did he mean by this?

>>54637540
The dragons from the story "shield hero" were extremely lustful sluts that fucked and made hybrids with nearly every other species in the setting. He's saying humans will fuck anything.

>>54635198
The other elf bait thread died, that's the reason for this thread, right? Because there must always be a daily elf shitposting thread.

>>54637571
I dong see hoe that's bad though.

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>>54637604
>I dong see hoe

>>54637604
Who said it was supposed to be?

>>54637635
You do raise a fair point.

>>54635303
Mostly to spite you, really. The constant chiding and mocking becomes a source of frustration, leading humans to practice esoteric and frankly disturbing magic in an effort to disprove their own alleged inferiority.

Also, it's fun.

- t. Blew up my colleague's cottage with magically induced nuclear fusion to spite her.

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>>54635303
Because there's no fun in being sane!

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Is there any way to identify if someone's an elf by the skeleton alone?
It's not for anything weird, I swear!

>>54637024
Time to play CoC

>>54637928
They are taller, lankier, have narrower, pointy faces.

>>54637928
Elven skeletons are going to be finer boned

>>54637960
>They are taller
Fuck me, that depends on the setting.

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>>54637266
>>54637304
Yes

>>54637949
>call of cthulu has Minotaur rape
did something change while i wasnt looking

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>>54637985
No you silly billy.

Ermm hello fellow elves. I'm not a slaver but if I was a aslaver(which I'm not) and enslaved some elves(which I didn't) what work would they be best suited for? If they were from a farming village.(which they are not, since they don't exist) would it be plantation, construction, prostitucion?...I'm not a slaver

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>>54637985
I hate the fact that I'm able to tell you that he means a different CoC.

>>54637960
>>54637962
Great, so it's all relative.
Comparing to some of my minions I'm pretty sure are human though... pretty sure I'm an elf. I guess I might have been a half-elf?

Protip for you /elf/. If you decide to store your memories externally, don't store the memory of where you store your memories externally too.

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>>54638015
god fucking dammit greg, get to fucking kar-karond before shitposting

>im not a slaver
and im the everqueen

and the answer is always buyers discretion, just make them look nice before selling them

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>this thread

I have no doubts as to why elves prefer to remain hidden and secluded from humans.

>>54638013
is this the one with the minotaur theres millions of porn for? excellia or something

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>>54638030
The skull shape is undoubtly different, in most settings.

>>54637928
>elf skeletons
there are none, any elf who dies or gets killed is no true elf and did not deserve the name

>>54638015
Just execute them and raise the bodies, bind the spirits and you'll get twice the workers with little upkeep.
Would not recommend prostitution in this case however. Well, maybe...

>>54638075
Good thing I wasn't killed then isn't it? Now stop fucking about or I'll curse you with pustules.
...actually. I'd probably just send some minons to kick your flowers or something, curses take way too long to do.

>>54638090
>Good thing I wasn't killed then isn't it?
you died of dysentery- thats hardly any better

Do elves care so much about nature because that is basically what provides them their necessities? Is nature around them carefully crafted by them to be comparable to human "technology" for living?

Think of it this way: humans build cities and add sewers, trade networks etc to get all their necessities taken care of. Elves also have basic necessities, but often nature helps them take care of some of the parts. Is the nature surrounding elven settlements or places where elves live part of what takes care of their necessities? Is that why they are so fiercely protective of it? You would hate it if somebody came and stomped on your wheat fields, elves hate it just the same in a forest.

I'm guessing that elves prefer nature helping them take care of the necessities because they will have to do less maintenance on it. They live long lives after all, and it's easier to just forget about some of that stuff for a few decades. You can't do that with human technology.

>>54638110
I don't remember that, but I literally can't disprove you.

Fuck it, I'm sending skeletons to stamp on your flowerbeds and make bone puns at you. This is why I became a lich after all. I think.

>>54638126
>flowerbeds
>in naggaroth
>this time of the century
hah!

>>54638090
Do you know how expensive it is to hire a decent necromancer? With that cash I might as well just sell them to the highest bidder...I would say if I was a slaver, hich I'm not

>>54638090
>Just execute them and raise the bodies, bind the spirits and you'll get twice the workers with little upkeep.
its called planned obsolescence- regular slaves wear out at a regular pace, so you know when your customers need more- and its cheaper than dealing with the sorceresses tower

>>54638176
There would be one if I was a slaver, and if you would want to buy a slave which doesn't exist then you could find me(if I was a slaver) in Karond Kar

>>54638138
If you were actually a slaver, would you happen to have some trappy male elves with big, jiggly, fuckable butts and small cocks?

>>54638187
Thank you for the information about the hypothetical and fake slave trading.

>>54638124
What you call 'nature' in an elven settlement is actually a carefully cultivated bio-mechanical mechanism meant to fulfill the same purpose as your human built structures. The difference is they need less maintenance over the long term and ideally they're self sustaining. This isn't cost efficient for humans because you live much shorter lives, so building things out of wood and stone works fine for you. Elves live longer than most of your buildings.

>>54638015
Now, first of all, you are an abhorrant son of a bitch. But there's nothing I can do to find or stop you, so let me tell you this. You're better off letting them go or killing them, because Elves make terrible slaves. They do not take well to confinement, and can quite literally die of sorrow. They will never fully be disciplined, nor accept their slavery. A remnant of our planar inheritance from the Feywilde.

>>54638206
>No way of finding him

Refer to this post.
>>54638187

>>54638137
It's going to take a while for them to get there. But eventually, you'll forget this day and then... BAM! Skeletons making suggestive rattling noises, asking you to bone them and ruining your garden.

Met a cute half-drow, who somehow does not appear to be evil, wat do.

Plus side, she hates spiders.

>elves are often androgynous
>nobody ever considers that this also means that the women should look more like men, only that the men are feminine

>>54638300
Tame that spider puss puss then give he some bitching cuddles. Take her stargazing after a feast before trying to have sex with her though.

>>54638301
Androgynous elves are bad.
Also, you described dwarves.

>>54638301
>elves are often androgynous
Elves are beautiful, not androgynous. The fantasy where they are andro is shit fantasy.

>>54638301
/tg/, or even this entires sites, headcanon of elves is a contradictionary creature that you can't find anywhere, with the sole purpose of pleasing anon, either dead of as a slut, without ever being able to form a stable civilization in any setting because of their contradictionary nature.
>>elves are often androgynous
This is basically a meme at this point, whoever states this never comes up with any source.

>>54638374
>/tg/, or even this entires sites, headcanon of elves is a contradictionary creature that you can't find anywhere, with the sole purpose of pleasing anon, either dead of as a slut, without ever being able to form a stable civilization in any setting because of their contradictionary nature.

Problem with elves is that they replenish themselves too slowly. Even if they are overwhelmingly powerful their numbers dwindle down to wars, so elves want peace and to stay out of wars.

>>54638419
To what point of my post is this some kind of counter argument? Let me have a look into your though process behind this.

>>54636464
>>Humans keep calling our women sluts

I think thy reffer to the outcasts we bannished from our lands for breaking our laws or failing the initiation ceremony to reach adulthood.

Seriously it's fucking rare to find an actually adult elf outside our homeland.

Worse still are what the young male elves we bannished keep doing...
I recently saw a group of 5 such fellows form a band of musicians touring from village to village...

Let's just say, that year there were a lot of half-elves born.

>>54635351
That elf is fat. Fat!

>>54638015
>Ermm hello fellow elves. I'm not a slaver but if I was a aslaver(which I'm not) and enslaved some elves(which I didn't) what work would they be best suited for? If they were from a farming village.(which they are not, since they don't exist) would it be plantation, construction, prostitucion?...I'm not a slaver

Theoretically if you managed to capture an elven village.... I congratulate you on having more power than the kings of some human countries because even they failed to do so.

>>54638301
Well our women do have fairly pointed triangular jaws...

>>54638374
I think elves just have lots of sub-types. Drow are the most well known but you then have wood elves, sea elves, high elves, slut elves, city elves and probably moon elves if anyone goes up to check.

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>>54636152
>both sheep and goats that low
>sheep lower then the shittier equivalent of a sheep

trust the true opinion of a human dormant in the eastern lands.
sheep>dog>any half human half animal>>>>>>all other animals>>>>>>>>tree

>>54638480
That elf if thicc.
T H I C C!

>>54638603
No. She's a fatty fatterson.

>>54638472
>I recently saw a group of 5 such fellows form a band of musicians touring from village to village...
I remember this greentext story.

>>54638908
Did it have a lot of butt sex?

>>54638470
The "without ever being able to form a stable civilization in any setting" part. They just don't have time to form a stable enough civilization, because they are constantly at the whims of other races despite how powerful they are, because the other races pull themselves along onto some side. Staying neutral doesn't work if somebody else wants to take your land.

>>54639123
This is because the narrative shot them in the foot and they don't have their grand golden age anymore, so the protagonist race and their many enemies can have the spotlight. But there are still enough settings out there in which elves have their own stable nations and realms. Whatever you propose here is the minority.

>>54639123
>>54638470
>what is warhammer elves
hell even in tolkien the elves had stable enough civilizations

>>54636152
>Goats.
>Not at the top.

Every day without sharia law is a day wasted.

Is there any smut with an elf male and a human female?

>>54639504
check tumblr

>>54635213
>>54635360

shit posting false flagging dwarves aren't welcome here. fuck off back to your mine.

>>54639504
Yes.

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>>54639631
YOU TOOK MY MINE YOU POINTY FUCK!

Y'all fuckers are weird.

T. Halfling.

>>54635198
I really dislike pirates. One day I'm out and about with a group of mercenaries doing a bit of honest work, scouting out ruins for a ruler of some sort and the next we awake in a smelly, cramped room and are told we are now pirates too.

It is very unnerving: at least my companions are with me and they are competent enough in their own right... I still don't understand why they are actively antagonizing the pirate captain and officers though.

I wish there were some elves that I could talk about spells with though...

>>54637103
>implying elves (males) would be shorter than 6,1

>>54639680
Pls gib link

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>>54635303
How dare you? I am perfectly sane! You just don't understand the subtelties and beauty of sacrificing one's humanity in order to live an eternal life of magical study and experimenting.
Now stop sending your fucking armies to kill me, I'm doing nothing wrong, those elves wanted to be turned into undead abominations.

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All of these Elves find themselves to be the best, when majestic creatures such as I make thou look like cow dung on a hot midsummer's day. your supposed "intelligence" pales in light of mine own, searing you arrogant swine makes my decade. Humans at least acknowledge their inferiority.

Ay look at this lizardtits here...
Butmad about a few stealth-archers aren't you?

>>54639806
>leave a bunch of dragons with some humans
>come back 1000 years later
>almost everyone is of dragon blood
Superior rave indeed.

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I LOVE ELVEN WOMEN!

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>>54639802
Excuse me, sir?

I represent a legal group that believes that you may actually have a case against the "elves" that are threatening and discriminating against people of a like-minded minority such as yours.

Do you believe that you experienced discrimination against your species/race/dimension?
Have you been in a work-related accident that was no fault of your own?
Have you had illegal break-ins and been assaulted at or in your lair/cave/lab/dungeon/mountain/fortress

Let the partners at Lou, Cypher & Sons help you now. Simply call 1-666-LAW-HELP now and we'll happily let our trusted associates help you gain the resolution you desire. Call now!

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Silly humans, elves are a superior race in every way! You should just be glad that you haven't been wiped out yet. Same goes for dwarves and orcs!

So, um apparently i have bcome the ancestor diety for a village of half-elves...

When i was still a horny young man at 60 years of age i decided to slip out of the teaching grounds and traveled arround before completeing the adulthood ceremony.

So i stumbled on this small town isolated in the mountains and got really really wasted.

Long story short i slept with every woman in town, made a big party and taught a few of the smarter women a few magic tricks before going home.


Now 600 years later i came through the same town again only to find a bronze statue of my self in the centre square being hailed as the god of magic and fertility.

The population is 10% humans, 80% half-elves and somehow the last 10% ended up as pureblood elves that became some sort of a priest caste.

Anyway how do i resolve this shit?

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>>54639993
>1-666-LAW-HELP
>in a post with an upside down 666
WEW

>>54638480
she's cute and i want it sauced

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Why is human ""cooking"" so BARBARIC?

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I just want you to consider killing all the humans.

>>54640050
Tell the remaining elves to follow you back for proper education and have the reining full humans get wiped out as heretics by the half elves.

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Hi, I am a human and i am here to tell you that you are all a bunch of cunts. That is all.

Good day.

>ooga booga gonna go to the elf village cuz they sluts and they men are pussies
>ooga booga gonna give em the big human dick

humans are basically all niggers, they should die

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>>54640078
Culling humans is for their own good, otherwise they overbreed and their population gets decimated by famine or disease.

Trophy hunting also helps to support conservation efforts in regions where humans are critically endangered by things like poaching by Orcish warbands.

>>54640107
*teleports behind you*
Too easy.
*leaves behind parchment full of scalding commentary on you as a person*

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>>54640057
Come, come my good man. What's the matter? It's not like you're going to sign your soul away or anything. Is this the kind of face that would do that?

Now, why don't we sit down and have a consultation about what we can do for you, sir.

>>54640100
Hm... I dislike slaughter so i'll just fuck the remaining human women as well.

I'll deffinetly take back the full blooded elves.
The oldest of them is only 80 so i still have 20 years time to educate my oldest grand-grand-grand-son.

>>54636344
>>54640037
>>54640078
>>54640116

How about no?

>>54640179
No seriously, kill the remaining humans before they do dumb shit like setting the woods on fire because they were bored.

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>>54640217
Please, this is not for you to decide.

>>54640217
Are you a human apologist? On the day of the rope, it will be you, not humans, that will be the first.

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How do you do fellow elves?

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HEY ya dainty flower-pickers. Ya gots some spare shinies ya dont need no more? Comon dont be stingy. I gots a huge warren I gots to support.

Ya got any work then? You need something kilt? Smashed? Chopped? Poked?

>>54640342
Imagine a world where these shits couldn't just bang humans to procreate. Truly those monkeys were a mistake, brb going off to do my part in keeping down the pest population.

>>54635198
>Meanwhile on elven /tg/
I'm angry, angry about elves

KILL HUMANS WILD HUNT NOW

>>54640259

But what will you do without human meat, fellow elf?

>>54636805
This is by far the best post in this thread.

Sauron did nothing wrong

>killing the humans
You two-bit Mirkwood fucks, living in that dank place has turned your brains into mold. Our time on this board is coming to an end; the damage done to it by the Dark Lord has made it incapable of sustaining us. We must depart for the forums in the Far West to wait for the end of the internet; only then will we know what e-Ru Illuvatar has in store for us.

>>54640317
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

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>>54640362
>Imagine a world where these shits couldn't just bang humans to procreate.

How horrifying.

>>54640494
That's jest propaganda.

>>54640075
Because we have more than two flavors?

Seriously, everything an elf cooks is either "tastes like water" or "tastes like leaves".

>>54635198
This isn't eleven /tg/. It's four /tg/.
Get your channels right.

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>>54640535
>confirmed for never trying mage-rib, or manticore steak
pleb

in other news-how many filthy Asur pigs are in this thread? how does it feel to be the most cucked of all elves? mingling with humans like that- may as well start befriending animals while you are at it

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>>54640575
Hey Druchii, Morathi is the mother of all whores and sucks Slaanesh' dick

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>Treefuckers thinking they can take on the full might of the human race while greenskins are breathing down their backs
Old as fuck and still not wise

>>54640611
bel-shanar is a faggot who sucks orc dick

tyrion and tethlis bugger each other on the regular

>>54640575
It's easy to spot the asur weaklings my fellow drushii. If they are talking about humans in any way other than killing/torturing/raping, they are Uthuanian pigs

>>54640631
>greenskins
nigger just use fire-magic

also
>orcs
>navy
pick one

>>54640631
They are still alive only because Athel Loren took pity of them and allowed them to live in it

>>54640636
>Tyrion
>not shagging women
You know what, exactly this could be a future problem. Unlike dark elf invasions

>>54640665
true, if only because the way ulthuan is going it wont last until we show up again- werent you rekt by goblins recentley?

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>>54640692
All kinds of primitives folk try to plunder the riches we amassed. We got the people to take care of them.

How is the backstabbing going? Sacrificed some people lately? Is Slaanesh pleased?

>>54640769
>Sacrificed some people lately?
actually yes, its quite the regular thing y'know? kind of like high elves and being cuckolded

>>54640769
Well I had backstabbed my cousin Ed, well poisoned him to be precise about a week ago and sacrificed about 30 human slaves to Khaine three days ago, I know it's not much but I'm going to raid soon and will bring back more for sacrifice

>>54640792
I don't think it's a regular thing. The weather over there seems to have some bad effects on your health, mood and reasoning. The sky over Naggaroth always looks like it's punishing your people.

>>54640866
>I don't think it's a regular thing
>confirmed godless heathen
>confirmed not attending shrines of khaine
them witch elves are good at more than looking good it turns out

>>54640937
>>confirmed godless heathen
I'm not seeing you guarding the shrine of Asuryan.

>>54641026
>lying on elfchan
neither are you, since if you were you would have taken the vow of silence all phoenix guard take

>>54640075
They get sick from eating raw meat, or from pretty much anything.

>>54641049
Okay, let me rephrase it and be really explicit, since you are trying to argue semantics here: I'm not seeing any DRUCHII guarding the shrine of Asuryan. Druchii also means Naggarothi, to make this clear.

>>54641091
give it an invasion or two

but you probably wont see it then anyways, since you will be dead and all

>>54641108
Let me just place my Banner of the World Dragon and then we'll see.

Why can't I be active 20 hours a day and live for 750 years?

>>54636345
>a pagan calling something pagan

>>54641157
let me just place 80 crossbow bolts to show where you can stick your banner

>>54641162
because you are a filthy human

>>54641172
Reminder dark elves are the ones most likely to have children with humans, you filthy disgusting rape monsters barely more cogniscent than an orc.

>>54635803
>a literal vampire cult in every town in the country weekly.
Are you a baptist, by any chance?

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>>54641172
>crossbows
You lost your way, this is not an elfish weapon.

>>54641202
>children with humans
>tolerating filthy half breeds
we just use humans as onaholes, you degenerates marry them and have families with the savages

>>54641236
>regressive Luddite
as can be expected of the asur

>>54641236
>using elf archers instead of reaper bolt throwers
You fail at elf.

>>54641236
And being friends with humans is elfish?

>>54641236
>Non-recurve bows

Traditionalists.

>>54641246
I've seen way too many of your kind with suspiciously rounded ears.
Given your propensity to have orgies with daemons and humans and monsters a half human or a thousand are nothing to the horrors you're probably bearing in your abdomen at the moment.

>>54641250
Humans keep the orcs and chaos and wood elves and dwarves away, telling them how to fart amusingly and sampling their food for a pittance is a small price to pay.

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>>54635803
>american horror movies independently invented the tentacle rape scene
Wait, what?

>>54635849
>>54636464
>>54639504
I'm surprised that there aren't a lot of "human woman self-insert fucks male elf because they're in touch with nature and are beautiful". I'd figure elves would be a big asset in female fantasies, especially considering Orlando Bloom played Legolas.

>>54636211
>I-I totally have a qt lamia waifu, guys!
>t. human virgin

>>54636306
Humans can get twisted around by rumors real easily. Of course the story is bullshit.

>>54636454
Humans are female by default unless SRY gene kicks in or some genetic anomaly happens.

>>54636831
>all this fucking bestiality talk
This is why humanity was a mistake. They hate each other so much they would rather stab each other and fuck out-of species than cooperate and make progress. Human women don't even like their men, they see them as laborers, and human men see their women as fucktoys.

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>>54641277
>rounded ears
the projection

>your abdomen
trust the asur to be into Mpreg, guess they wanted to abstain from women completely

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>>54641247
This isn't an argument, we have these too.

>>54641246
You know, this is just for the inexperienced, right?

>>54641250
Is being friends with Slaanesh? And it's not like Asur hesitate to bitchslap some humans if there is a need.

>>54641311
At least we didn't reject Khaine

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>>54641311
>that panzy thing
>a reaper
kek asurbabs

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>>54641296
She's a qt to me.

>>54641311
>it's okay when we actually marry and have kids with humans but when you pump and dump it's bad
These are the people led by a true cuck.

>>54641296
>I'd figure elves would be a big asset in female fantasies
Don't recall a name, but I saw some books of this kind. Like: "Normal human girl in human kingdom that has quarrels with the elves of the forest, learns to hate and fear them. One day she and her entourage gets attacked and captured by the elves, lead by their mysterious captain and she must realize that they are not how she imagined..." Maybe these girls are just not on /tg/, but I could swear that there were occasionally anons that requested this kind of thing in previous threads. Maybe they fucked off.

>>54641387
>>it's okay when we actually marry and have kids with humans
Said no Asur ever.

>>54641296
theres some drow smut involving what you can imagine- but with the drow now being male dominated

found it while looing up dark elves back in the day for whfb

>>54641428
You don't have to say to do.
Fake elf.

>>54640535
How does roast boar taste like leaves or water?

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>>54641335
What's the matter, not edgy enough?

>>54641473
Too many spices

>>54641473
I don't know but you pointy ears found a way.

>>54641478
>of all the mighty and wondrous animals to have as your mascot
>pick fucking birds
dumb asurfags

>>54640246
Dude.

They worship me as a god.

I just told their men to lead their women into the temple where they may recieve my ''blessing''.

I also made up a religeous codex for them to follow.

All the half elves are to breed at least with one human but have many more kids with other half elves while the purebloods that pop up due to atavism are to be sent back into the Feywoods to recieve education.

I'll just add a law that prohibits them to harm the woods without consulting a knowledgable druid who is to manage those woods around them.

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>>54641202
>>54641246
The last thing you'll breathe will be the vapors of acetic acid and peppermint before they liberate you from this world you never belonged in!

>>54641394
>Stockholm Syndrome
Fucking elves trying to brainwash our proud women into being brainless, naive slaves.

>>54635438
>Some of them even dip them in creamy white milky stuff.
Semen?

>>54641501
>a)
It's a phoenix.
>b)
Fuck you, "birds" have been the animal of great empires.
>c)
I don't even know what the Druchii have as a mascot. Harpies?

>>54641540
When this bites you in the ass we'll lock the gate and let you suffer for your hubris.

>>54641567
No, that makes too much sense.
It's mayonnaise because Europe is insane.

>>54641542
>our proud women
Okay, who led the mayflies into this elf thread? The screeching of impotent rage becomes unbearable.

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>>54639709

Really made me think

>>54641569
>I don't even know what the Druchii have as a mascot
whatever we feel like, but its always better than fucking birds


>>54641567
milkshake

>>54635421
I like my Sony phone

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>>54640317
I wanna fuck that elf

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>>54641862
But the fish are already fucking that elf.

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>>54642095
Then I'mma steal that elf.

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>Liberate Elven village from barbaric human empire
>Storm the fortress used by the empire's elite political class
>See this

What do?

>>54639709
...It actually does have some logic to it

>>54642308
Set them free in wood elf country. It should prove amusing.

>>54642308
My Gospel of Throttle says to throttle a motherfucker and I am sure some of those elves are mothers.

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>>54642308
Well that is an easy question.

>>54642118
Wait, some thing feels off about that elf.

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Human wizard here with a concern. We don't have elves or dwarves or anything on my home plane, just plain ol' humans and whatever I cook up (pic related is me with my dragon; had to put him down, poor boy). However, one of my colleagues one day decided he wanted some elves, so first he tried summoning then binding them from other planes of existence. I told him not to, the interplanar boundaries have been fucked ever since some of my kids (not my actual kids, just my creations, but I love them nonetheless; wish they would come home, but they only ever send their creations to me, and they're really violent) ran-off with some of my books and started messing around. Well he did it anyway, and they broke the bindings, trashed his place with their weird magic, then exploded. Next he went about making his own elves, and he succeeded. But I'm still worried. He made these things with the dispersed feywild essence he collected from the exploded elves, rather than a nutrient solution like my own creations. I don't know anything about elves.

>>54642351
Stick your dick in them like your ilk is wont to do.

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AWWW SHIT MY DREGGAS! LET'S RUIN THAT THREAD HARD!!!!!11111!!!!

>>54642308
They used to worship the Sun as their deity, well let's give them a taste of their god.

>>54640069
elf-san wa yaserarenai

>>54642383
No can do. A while ago, we were in the process of terra-forming the continent we were on, we noticed it was just a barren rock, not even bacteria for our stomachs to digest our rations, so we got to work on that first. I kinda fucked that up, since we got horrible genital infections. However, my colleague commented that his elves are as of yet unaffected, and even "feel great". I'm worried how he would know that.

>>54642432
Humans are already here, there is no need.

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>>54642349
It might be the fact that he's a massive cumslut.

>>54637268
Easy.First,we get practical helmets ...

>>54642351
I want to tell you to go fuck yourself but the fact you used an image from geneforge gets you some respect.

>>54635328
underrated post

>>54642347
Love that scene.
"Wait, you can't command their execution. I will command their execution."

>>54642308
Heal the elves.

The captured humans are to be publicly executed during a siege in a blood-sacrifice by being ass-raped by our steeds.

>>54642701
I don't think that's an elf.

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>>54635215
My waifu.

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You guys are too harsh on those adorable humans, we should take more of them in or even live in villages together.

>>54643229
That's not an elf, stupid. Casual elf-fappers are the worst.

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>>54643249
What are you talking about, I'm totally an elf.
See my pointed ears? That means elf.
Here, these other elves agree with me.

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>>54643093
Nonsense look at the ears

>>54643093
If it's got knife-ears, jab it with your spear.

>>54642432
CIA drow see in the dark. They can see you while you're traveling. They'll run you off the road. That's what they do.

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>>54643792
Best trappy elf with a jiggly, fuckable butt and a small cock.

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>>54643857
exactly, jab the elf

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>>54644481
>pretty
>brave
>loyal
>athletic
>tenacious
>compassionate
>excellent cook

BotW Link really is perfect.

>>54644923
>Confirmed to have been in a heterosexual relationship
no he's not

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>>54644923
I want to marry Link.

Why am I so gay for a fictional character goddamn.

>>54644481
But seriously guys that's no elf.
I've heard of them, a kind of FILTHY HUMAN SCUM with pointy ears.

>>54636306
And elf women tend to be full of bardic jizz.