PLAY THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD OR I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL

>>54550011
Fuck. We have no bard, and no paladin/cleric. My Warlock is an Abyssal tiefling with pact of the Fiend, but that's probably not gonna help. I guess im gonna complain to the DM about creating an encounter with CR far too high for the party.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC7iR577OQw

>>54550011
My character works on the side as a glorified delivery boy for a Tempter Demon, so I'd probably give ol' buddy Bal'De'Zar a call to figure out what this guy's deal is.

>I play a warforged fighter that now wields an entire fucking door as a shield
>with a dwarf cleric who's the only known worshipper of his god
>and a psychotic lizard thing that eats everything, including metal
>there's also a drow ranger but nobody cares about him

>dwarf cleric
>cleric
The lizard gets to find out what demon flesh tastes like

There's actual rules for this in the Epic Level Handbook for 3e! IIRC it's like a DC 70 Perform check to bring a balor to tears

>>54550011

Well me and my party, we look at each other,
AND WE EACH SAY!
"...Okay."

AND WE PLAY THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO OUR HEADS
AND IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE
THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD
IT'S THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD

LOOK INTO MY EYES AND IT'S EASY TO SEE
ONE AND ONE MAKE TWO AND TWO AND ONE MAKE THREE
IT WAS DESTINY

>>54550011
My paladin shouts "HAHA, YES! ANOTHER!" and draws his weapon with manic glee as the rest of the party struggle to restrain him

>>54550011
I cast blindness/deafness to render him deaf and act like I'm playing a cool song

>>54550151
ONCE EVERY HUNDRED THOUSAND YEARS OR SO
WHERE THE SUN DOTH SHINE,
AND THE THE MOON DOTH BLOW,
AND THE GRASS. DUN. GROW-HOOOOOOOOOOO~

Time to get schwifty

>>54550011
The monk decides to use Satans head as his drum-kit.

Probably shoot him in the head with a magic arrow.
If that doesn't work hop on his pet elk and ride like hell.
If that fails then hide as a bonus action
When all else has turned from bad to worse he sings the only song he knows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9cRvSGHaJc

http://dnd4.wikia.com/wiki/Timeless_trek_in_Mithrendain
I literally did this to Asmodeus once.
God tested, bard approved

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>>54550011
>"I have no soul."

>>54550011

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hn2um--MJy0

Performing this is our party's only hope.

>>54550368
Needless to say
The beast is stunned
A whip-crack goes his whippy tail
And the beast is done
He asked you
"Snort
Be you angels?"

>>54550151
>>54550368
>>54550683
You're next on the list of having a blessed door and lizard teeth introduced to your faces, Jack Black fucking sucks

>>54550711
>Angry dwarven cleric blessed door
Does that dwarf worship Armok

>>54550725
No, some gold-obsessed deity named Mother Lode. I just use a door as a melee weapon/shield because I ripped that bitch off its hinges during a jailbreak, brained some of the guards with it and realised it was the most destructive weapon I'd ever wielded

You actually believe souls exist? Good luck, I'm on my fifth clone.

>>54551027
You actually believe forms exist? Good luck, I`m just substance mang.

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>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gqlNY5iX-nA

Stand back, my party of 3 bards, 1 warlock and a fighter got this demon.

>>54550151

Great song, but I can't believe that it's fucking classic rock itself now.

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>>54550711
Not ad much as your fedora tipping snowflake squad, spaz.

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>>54551325
>being this booty blasted over someone not liking his shitty band he has to post smug moeblobs

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>>54551332
>being so butthurt someone made fun of your lame 'original' character that you resort to the 'lol anime' defense

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>>54551395
Learn to read, nigga, only thing weird about my character is using a door as a melee weapon. If that's wrong go back to your cookie-cutter human fighters that just full-attack every round and never do anything awesome ever

>>54551436
Hey, last session my fighter tackled a vampire out of a window. If that isn't epic roleplaying I don't know what is.

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>>54551489
>if that isn't epic roleplaying I don't know what is
You're right, you don't

>>54551489
"Eh, ok, I, like, push him out - there's a window, right? ok - I push him out that window. Nice."

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>>54550011
So, you wish a battle of the musical variety daemon? THEN HAVE AT THEE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89p8ya3ZdnQ

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>>54551436
>this bitch nigga thinks 'ROFL doorforged' is anything but total tripe on the tier of Sir Bearington copies

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>>54550725
Armok is gay

We have a 3 man party, we're all low level, we have no bard, we have no instruments, and the only person with any ranks in Perform is our divine caster (and it's not even Sing).

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>>54551523
>this punk-ass bitch thinks anything that's not Deep and Meaningful enough for him is trash and nobody should like it ever
>in a fucking Tenacious D reference thread

>>54551489
How was that action related to a specific role you had to play? Was it maybe the sacrificial act of a noble character, who died dragging the beast into sunlight to end his dreaded reign?
Seems only debatably epic. Not epic roleplaying.

>>54551501
>>54551517
>>54551607
We were playing Dungeon World, which is automatically better than your faggy shit for grognards.

>>54551672
>dungeon world
>better than 13th Age
nigga just stop

I love them both, but come on man

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>>54551561
>this totally tedious tool thinks he can throw shade on Tenacious D while bragging about playing a meme in a party of look-at-me-I'm-spider-bear mofos

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>>54550011
Yeah, im pretty sure I got the best song in the world.
Beat this bitch...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MOCuGNBuuc

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>>54551744
>this cockgargling cuntsniff thinks his lame fucking band has been in any way relevant since the late 2000s and that an improvised weapon is a meme

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>>54551782
>this dimwitted dicksuck thinks I like the band and am not just calling his ass on acting superior to something when he's a tone deaf cringe lord himself

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>>54551819
>this jizzmop thinks doing anything that isn't completely dull as dishwater is being a tasteless cringelord

>>54550011
>Our bard is a dark elf bard/necromancer that is tonedeaf and unwillingly plays his kazoo badly to summon nearby dead and ghosts to do his bidding for us.
>The summoned/resurrected actually fight the npc so that he can stop his damn music
>our party hates his shitty tunes that not even personal noiseblocks help
>we hate him off game too because he brings his kazoo when we have our sessions sometimes

"HAH! I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY TO BEAT HIM!"
"PLEASE!"

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>>54551855
>this mense-rag thinks his shit is original, and that being a schizo spaz makes for an interesting character

Boi

>>54550711>>54551325
>>54551332
>>54551395
>>54551436
>>54551523
>>54551561
>>54551744
>>54551782
>>54551819
>>54551855
Now kiss

>>54552074
Don't be lewd Toho.

>>54550011
"What about your soul?"
"I'm an engineer."

we'd all say 'okay', and give it to em
https://soundcloud.com/soulbrono3/guy-guy

>>54550011
only two of us can play something that vaguely resembles music
>200% punk netrunner with 1 point in perform, recently bought an electric guitar
>has performed such wonders as 'stuffit with a shotgun' back during his boostergang days
>rockerboy with a hurdy gurdy and a couple points in perform
>recently damaged his hurdy gurdy
evidently, we play the best song in the world

>>54550011
>Tiefling Bard

Pledge my allegiance to such a magnificent being through song.

>>54550011
Clear my throat and belt out a tune to knock this third-rate Tim Curry wannabe back to the Pit.

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>expect a thinly-veiled "what's your favorite song, /tg/?" thread
>get a 20-post argument about Jack Black

>>54550011
AND IIIIIIIIIIIIII
WILL AAAAALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUU!

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>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWoZyookncg

>Here goes everything.

>>54550711
>The Jack Black totally sucks
>You motherfucker
>The Jack Black totally sucks

>>54550011
https://youtu.be/N7awnRAdbPk

>>54550039
My descendant of Carthaginian vicinity.

>>54550011
This is the song that never ends...

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>>54558170
YOU FOOL

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>>54550011
Character
>"Uhhh... Okaaay."
Base Music of 340, squarely in Inhuman. A roll of 100 will crash it into Zen(Literally the best song in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE).
>"Now will you leave me be? I'm kinda trying to stop something nastier than you by a wide margin from raping reality, and I need to concentrate on that."

>Party
>My character: "Oh dear."
>Warrior Summoner motions to her nature fairy familiar
> WarSum: "Hey tempest, look. A demon"
>WarSum's familiar turns into a dragon, proceeds to go pic related on the demon, like she has on every demon ever.
>Demon also has to make a save every turn or take damage from WarSum's JUSTICE AURA.
>JUSTICE WARSUM also does double damage vs evil beings in one of her Incarnations, stacking with her double damage vs dark beings for being considered a Light Elemental.
>The Mentalist changes his PSYCHIC RAILGUN OF FUCK EVERYTHING IN A 3000FT LINE's damage type from fire to Light, for double damage.
>One turn later, no more demon.
It's happened before, it'll happen again.

>>54558170

Dormammu, I've Come To Bargain?

>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ

>>54558305
Wait a minute. Are you... an Anima player?

>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjIVkl34Vig

>>54550011
Me : Cortana, search "best song in the world". Cortana, "play". Cortana, "request reinforcements on this position".

>>54550011
While most of the party sits down and starts trying to write a song the barbarian gets bored and launches into a drum solo.

>>54559117
Yes.

>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vH67duada9E

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>>54550711
>>54550725

>>54550683
And we said
NAY!
WE ARE BUT MEN!
ROCK!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH, AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH,
WWWHHHOOOOAH!
AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-OH!

>>54550011
A SQUID EATING DOUGH OUT OF A POLYETHYLENE BAG IS FAST AND BULBOUS
Got it?

>>54550011
My bard would try to con his way out and if that didn't work he'd start playing his bagpipes. Everyone else would try to kill it

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>>54559117
Oh yeah, and I forgot one member of the clusterfuck that is >>54558305.
>The Warrior Summoner's Totem Familiar, a Ghostly Stoat that's essentially a fuzzy little Eversor Assassin, makes a beeline for the demon's tender bits like some heat-seeking missile with a blender for a warhead.
That demon is fucked beyond imagining.

>>54550077
You do. its insane and you have to be in the solid 25-30 range with a fuckton of specialized enchantments to even hit the 50 point mark to nat 20 it.

>>54550011
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEYc8ar2Bpw

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Rolled 18 + 14 (1d20 + 14)

>>54550011
>Solo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJbNQo5eVPg&ab_channel=niiyateiichi

>Group
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5i7qZxICwgQ&ab_channel=EspioRain

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>>54567290

>>54550011
We realize that there's no way can win. That was a master piece. He rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man.

>>54550039
OOOH YAR BITCH DAS IT

>>54550011
Roll for initiative.

>>54550011
>”Sure, but could you play a song first, please?”
> Make a call to a Performing Rights Organization
>”Sorry to bother you, but there's this guy who's cosplaying a devil and is playing a song without paying the royalties. We are at ***. Yeah, I'm only a dutiful citizen. Good day to you too”
I would argue that he's in a worse situation than me now.

>>54550711
Wowzers thats some hot options you've got there!

>>54550011
My Monk fixes to punch him in the throat, the Barbarian, Paladin, and Ranger start sharpening their weapons, the wizard and his chicken look nervous, and the rogue tries to pull something out of his ass.

Either we all get our souls eaten or the Barbarian adds a pair of Devil horns to his outrageous outfit.

>>54550070
>>Fire burns wood
>>God's strength depends on number of followers
>>Just a lizard
>>Not drizzle

Demon gonna find out what lizard flesh tastes like

>>54569212
>the warforged now has merged with a fire elemental, his plates glow from within
Actually yes they are. Well. One of them is.

>>54569266
>The door is metal with dragonbone plating.
>Doesn't seem to stop him from blessing our weapons
>The lizard is also a fighter and gives zero shits
>Okay yeah the drow ranger is a bit pants

We were still strong enough to kill an undead dragon. I think we've got this.

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>>54550011
>L5R Scorpion Courtier
>Is beckoned by an oni to play his best song
>"As you wish."
>Scorpion takes his position, sitting on a chair or rock provided.
>Perform (Shamisen) at 9k6
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgN_xIHqLUA

>>54550011
>Party is a group of pirates that specialize in dancing, music and general tomfoolery.

Yes. This is what we were born to do. Places, everyone!

>>54550011
"Heh heh heh too bad for you looser but I just came from Mass, try eating that sanctified soul. *sings Gregorian chant behind u* Nothin personnel, kiddo"

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>>54550011
Party is a ragtag bunch of soldiers in a not-America not-Western kind of setting in a not-early 20th century setting.

Only one can kinda play the banjo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2d75KzGb4M

They're fucked.

>>54550011
The only reason I don't feed you to my gauntlet is my lack of interest in having horns. Fuck off, I'm trying to repair the shadow weave.

>>54550373
I love Rick and Morty but that was the dumbest episode

>>54557631


>>54557631
BeginSlowClap.jpeg
>> I'm in tears

Immediately begin singing a song about why the demon is a massive laming faggot who takes it up the ass, then initiate combat.
My party will come to regret betraying me by lowering my Wis.

>>54550711
>door
>lizard

Lol even I could kick their asses and I'm just a human in the real world, not fantasy shit

>>54569736
>I can kick the ass of a giant lizard-man in a feeding frenzy
>or a war-robot with enough mechanical might to wield a metal door as a weapon
sure you can nigga, aren't your hot pockets ready by now?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvCpCg0sGkg

>inb4 weebcalling

>>54569751
>just burn the pages where the nerd (you) wrote them in
>laugh

Kick your fat ass, kill the "fantasy". ez pz.

>>54569771
>it's an online game
>also I habitually wear steel toecaps
sure nigga, now go eat your hot pockets before they get cold

>>54569519
That's badass.