That Guy thread: Behind your back edition

>>54493049
Living Campaign Storytime!

>GM's DMPC propositions knight character
>"I have a lady back home. I'll have to decline."
>Keeps pushing
>"No."
>walks off
>behind the scenes bullshit
>Suddenly lady on a bridge interrupts conversation he's having to say she loves him!
>"No, sorry."
>She jumps off bridge to her death. No chance to save her.
>"Bridge is cursed, if you deny somebody's confession, they have to kill themselves, lol."
>PissedKnights.png
>Another lady interrupts to say he raped her sister and caused her to commit suicide
>She starts swinging at him
>restrain her
>"Guards, he's trying to rape me!"
>guards materialize out of fucking nowhere
>arrested

Turns out, it was all the succubus' doing behind the scenes. I raised a stink because it was utter bullshit, then suddenly DMPC succubus gets caught by the GM's other DMPC, and the knight is freed. I'm told not to interfere with the GM's important scenes just because I don't understand them. He legitimately told me to just stay quiet if I couldn't handle the roleplay. The knight's player was absolutely pissed.

>>54493307
Another from the same campaign

>GM says he's running an encounter for low levels! 1-4 preferrably
>a bunch of level 6s decide they want to go
>My level 7 octograppler goes along but doesn't participate. Say it's to gauge their ability in combat, but mostly just want to see if the newbies know how to into combat
>Fight goes alright, the opponents have been pretty much incapacitated
>knight says they'll take them back alive
>level 6 Hellhound decides she doesn't want to, so she shoots them while they're tied up on the ground
>knight starts using special ability to get in the way of the shots so she doesn't kill an incapacitated enemy
>my character steps in, finish tying up people
>Hellhound comes up to coup one of them
>grapple her to the ground while she breathes fire on me
>her friend is telling me that's enough
>"She's a clear threat to the mission. I'll knock her uncon and we'll take her back"
>knock her uncon
>triggers Contingency she set up with the GMPC
>Contingency that costs more gold than any of the other characters have seen this whole campaign
>GMPC can't even cast Contingency, and the target is self anyway
>GM called out on bullshit, handwaves it away
>threatens everybody, but won't attack us because we didn't kill her
>Hellhound goes to jail
>broken out without any roleplay or rolls by another GM

They had a weird clique of players and GMs doing weird shit behind the scenes that was really against the rules. The rules by which everybody else had to play. The GM's characters were all higher level than most others. They had more money while we got maybe 20 gold for an encounter. One GM even founded another kingdom with all the gold he had, taking his favored players with him. Then all those players suddenly became GMs and they would run encounters for each other so they leveled faster than the other players. Any complaints the players brought up would be blocked by GMs defending other GMs, and the game eventually fell apart.

>>54493441
Christ, that sounds like my campaign in the OP, that campaign was basically the entire group's campaign, where anyone could be the GM if they had an idea for a session, but one of them took charge a bit and essentially got to run the show of stuff dealing with the actual city we lived in. There were other instances of my Bard getting dicked in that campaign leading up to that penultimate incident, not the least of which was another instance of him getting knocked out with magic when he was by himself and waking up with a package sitting next to him.

Not wanting anything to do with whomever was doing this to him, he tried to take the package to the station of the local authorities, which unbeknownst to him until he arrived the chief of that place was the heir to the throne of the king. Bard presents the package to the guards as well as tells them the skeevy circumstances in which it came into his hands, asks them to dispose of it but to be careful in case it's dangerous, then leaves assuming they'll know what to do.

Turns out the box had a bunch of magical runes inside that basically deleted everything in a 20ft diameter, to the point where you couldn't resurrect them because nothing of the body was left behind. Bard gets in trouble for this because it was noted that he was the one who dropped off the package, but everyone that was in the conversation he had afterwards was caught in the blast so nobody was left to corroborate his story about warning them about the potential dangers.

>>54493576
That's High Cancer. It got to the point with the GMs' characters just popping up that whenever they did, everybody ignored them because it was guaranteed to be some stupid shit with which nobody wanted to deal.

Eventually, there was some kind of issue with the Kingdom Building rules, and all but the good GM people actually liked said that he mismanaged it, and the city was going to fall into complete anarchy. Conveniently, this happened after that one GMPC started up his own kingdom, so you either had to submit to him, or trudge through the shit to get the kingdom working again, while all the GM favorites were earning disgusting quantities of money and power.

A ton of the players quit then. I became a GM for a second, and looked at all the sheets to see where all this was coming from, and the GMs all had random unexplained bonuses, 3pp shit (had to be approved by a GM, how convenient! Too bad they never told the players said items were allowed.), and huge amounts of unexplained money. I laughed, then left. At least I got to play a stupid custom race, though.

>>54493656
Good on you. I quit that group shortly after what I wrote in the OP partly because of what happened there, especially when my Bard got basically sent to a Kangaroo Court with the king as the judge and everything was pinned on him, with basically nothing he said being able to get him out of being executed. None of the rest of the party wanted to try and break him out of jail either because they'd gotten themselves really well established in the city and didn't want to risk that by getting caught trying to free him.

>Party is defending town from bunch of genocidal paladins

>Capture one guy, tie him up and start to interrogate him

>GMPC wants to take center stage, but rogue and monk start asking questions

>Suddenly paladin screams about us never being able to stop his goddess and stabs himself

>Waitwuth?.jog

>GM says nothing we can do to stop him and IC gmpc is annoyed we didn't let him interrogate

This was only the first session, and it would get a LOT worse from there on out

>>54495729
.....dare i ask how much worse?

Another incident from the same game:

>Party exploring cavern
>Killing slimes all good
>Suddenly, what we thought was a lake is actually a giant slime!
>You gottabekiddingme.jpg
>Told we can't fight as they have too much HP. Only escape is to climb a ladder
>mfw we are all support/Dex/magic classes who dumped str
>Slime gets closer, nobody can make the DC 20 climb check
>GMPC steps up and summons gravity elementals to "save us"
>not even close.jag
>Suddenly GMPC mentions he has a ring that let's him summon a demon lord (Baphomet iirc) and in exchange he has to bed her for the night
>WTF GM ARE YOU HIGH?
>Says if she beds him 3 times she can then rule the world by giving birth to a demon king
>He keeps on trying to use ring, pcs keep refusing to let him magically cheat us out
>Just as slimed about to hit we make the now DC 5 check and all escape
>Back in town learn that GMPC is son of a now dead god and has all his powers "locked away" until someone uses wish to free them
>GMPC also has the aforementioned demon lord trying to get into his pants while he somehow succecfully sleeps with every other female npc we meet

>>54495842

The GM was basically trying to wave his E-Peen in our face, and the only people who kept playing were those who had either invested a lot of time and effort into their pcs, or those who were perverted enough to want to wave their E-Peens as well

>>54495935
>>Back in town learn that GMPC is son of a now dead god and has all his powers "locked away" until someone uses wish to free them
Almost worth playing the campaign to it's climax to get that wish spell and use it to erase GMPC from existence instead, just for the look on the GM's face.

>>54493307
>I'm told not to interfere with the GM's important scenes just because I don't understand them.
Where does your GM live and how is his home security?
...asking for a friend.

>>54496560
You know that would only make him stronger, right? Wish spells are fodder for fucking over players by dick GMs.

I myself would say "The GM PC is wiped from the existence... Of your mind. Your PC now has amnesia and all thoughts and memories are removed from his head, and he is now akin to a child."

"Don't worry though, my GMPC is merciful so he casts a spell on your character to deage him back into a baby girl, and after fourteen years of bringing the now female character up she will be blissfully join his harem of her own free will where she will live forever being fucked by him every night."

>>54496750
Sounds like the only winning move is not to play. Let the dipshit have his power fantasies by himself.

>>54493049
Do you still play with That GM?

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>>54496750
>"Don't worry though, my GMPC is merciful so he casts a spell on your character to deage him back into a baby girl, and after fourteen years of bringing the now female character up she will be blissfully join his harem of her own free will where she will live forever being fucked by him every night."
What in tarnation.

>Be me
>playing a meek pasty blonde elf wizard who rarely speaks up
>party made of a human cleric, a halfling rogue and a half-orc fighter
>said fighter specifically makes her half-orc hate elves
>after she learned that there was an elf in the party
>I brought it up but was handwaved that it "wasn't a big deal"
>half-orc proceeds to bully me every chance she gets
>not 'ha ha, lewd~' bullying, more serious things
>we run across a wand with scorching rays
>she keeps it and sells it later
>find a ring that acts as a focus and lets the caster cast fireball 1/day
>nope, sell that shit too, she has got to buy herself better things
>after a couple of sessions of her taking the party loot patience is waning
>she keeps taunting me IC "you're just a pussy, you don't deserve anything"
>IC and OoC I tell her that I don't find it kosher
>she doesn't react at all
>one evening we are running from a pack of gnolls
>cross a rope bridge but they cut it behind us before me make it to the other side
>rest of the party climbs up, I am second last, half orc comes behind me
>turn around and cast grease when she reaches up to pull herself to safety
>use my portent to make her fail
>she falls to her death on the spires of the chasm below riddled with skeletons and wights

I am not proud of what I did. But this kind of behaviour I find inexcusable.

>>54497885
I can't find fault in it, honestly. The player wants to play a dick character, the get treated like one. Maybe the next character they make won't be an asshole.

>>54498309
It will.

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>>54496750

>>54497885
What was her reaction?

A classic of mine:
>Invited to a 3.5 game
>Ask the GM about the setting/plot
>"You know, your typical fantasy setting, the usual, nothing weird"
>Refuses to be more specific
>Ask the GM about the rest of PCs so I come up with a char that fills a role needed
>We agree they need a skillmonkey focused on stealth, perception, survival and traps
>Go Scout
>Due buttfucking awful rolls I have to go Dex archer
>Pick feats for skirmish damage and perception/disable device
>GM gives the go to my character
>Turns out the game is Ravenloft meets Eberron, every encounter, and I mean every ecounter, is against constructs, undeads, oozes, plants or elementals, but mostly the first two
>This makes that my character deals 0 damage in combat, literally 0 as they nullify my damage with their immunities
>Traps, which are all magic, have (by book) a lowest DC of 21 which means even with my +7 to perception and +9 to desible device (with feats) I can only like beat 1/4 of them
>Die in the first session
>Forced into ressurrection
>-2 to Con because of it
>"Is this shit going to be like this all the time?"
>No response
>Die in the 4th session, forced again into ressurrection
>"Like srly, I'm not having fun"
>Makes my complains a non issue
>By the 7th session I have down to 6 Con and 2 levels lower than the rest of the players
And that's when I said fuck it all and blew it, rolled a focused specialist conjurator with abrupt jaunt and cloudy conjuration, spell focus on some goodies, you know, your go to powergaming build to destroy games, and proceeded to ruin his game. In the 9th he was so angry that he kicked me.

>>54501752
Cont.

He even had me start kidnapped, naked, without equipment, component pouch, book, etc and I still escaped using magic in his face while laughing at my captors, he had to retcon the whole situation several times to the point he was DM fiating everything and adding an antimagic field and literally narrating, which by the way backfired because his kidnappers couldn't use magic and the moment he retconned the antimagic field again I escaped again

>>54501771
We've seen this story before and have seen it done better.

>>54502041
>Done better
Hey, sometimes I feel like explaining and writing more than others, it's also not a new story, this happened like 3-4 years ago so I might forget something now that I said before, so unless someone is copying me and changing stuff this was pretty much the real deal.

>>54496750
What am I reading?

>>54495935
At least you are calming down on the meme speak and .jpeg references. Well done friend.

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>>54496750

>>54501486
It was at the end of the sessions: she shut up completely and talked very little after that when she left the house. Hasn't chatted in the whatsapp group either.

>>54504436
Good. It must have felt glorious

>>54504436
Whenever I've had shit like this it always seems to be a woman doing it. Can I have at least have 1 female player who isn't pure cancer?

>>54506857
1 female in a group of males is fine (and vice versa) but 2 females Ina group if males or 2 males in a group of females is a recipe for disaster

>>54507948
It works out okay if at least one of the girls is married.

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>I was a warlock in a party of Clerics and Paladins
> be Lawful Evil, but very persuasive and good at hiding my nature
>DM forces my character to be restrained by magics, has this God NPC appear out of nowhere
>God NPC reveals to the Holy Party my deepest secrets and my Pact with a Fiend
>Beckons my pact holder forward and kills it with God NPC one hit
>Why?
>"I just wanted to see what would happen."

In his defense, he was tired, but it was horseshit.

>>54497885
Well she shouldn't have kept fucking with you after you asked her to stop.

>>54508059
See now that's the kind of thing that I would ask the DM to retcon the next time you all played if it was, indeed, one of those "I wanted to see what would happen" moments.

>>54501752
The rest of the players sound like assholes

>>54497885
>I am not proud of what I did.
Seems like the right move to me, IC or OOC

Ever notice how nobody quits the group in these threads?

>>54493049
My DM is making a huge mistake. He let me know he plans an "on rails" TPK next session. We have no chance, and up against over a hundred enemies in an anti-magic zone we are gonna die horribly. It won't even be fun.

He knows the other main personality in the group besides me will be furious. He doesn't realize I am too. I have spent a week thinking up ways to win, but I know there is no way. We have two new players who have never played before, too.

Oh, he plans to have them all resurrected. To be tortured. For years. And maybe then have a chance to escape, after we go so far past insanity we swing back around to sane.

I hate it. I hate it! TPK's should be a risk if, say, we know what we are getting into. Fight a dragon? Who can bitch about dying, we knew the risk. This? This is just bullshit. I may need to steal back the DM spot if this crashes and burns badly enough.

>>54512677
In my case, no need. The DM fucking up with an on-rails TPK for his "story" has played with me for years, and if everyone is mad I'll just take the DM baton back, since I am considered the best DM in the group. It's just been his turn. But his turn might be over sooner than he thinks...

>>54497885
Did the GM call for alignment check?

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>>54493049
An oldie but a goodie.

>>54495935
> you have to make a climb check to climb this ladder
> you have to make an acrobatics check to walk across this floor
> you have to make a perception check to open your eyes
> you have to make a concentration check to breathe

>>54504436

This was beautiful.

Moments of pure justice like this make me happy.

>>54497885
>I am not proud of what I did
Why?

>>54514047
Because he is a nice guy?

>>54514226
You only see the true in people when they play an rpg anon

>Party in town, everybody is separated
>Rogue player steals a book at the library
>Long story short, we go to kill a lich
>I died in the process but everyone in the party like me, so they go back to ressurect me
>Ambush by like 50 guards
>"We know you stole a book, you're going to jail"
>"We dont care about your dead friends, you're going to jail"
>skyrimguard.jpg
>Guards burns my corpse and take everything from the party

A. Fucking. Book.

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>>54514253
What was the GM thinking?

>>54513097
Did you tell him that killing someone's character, let alone the entire party in the equivalent of a cutscene tends to piss them off? The only way I see this ending positively is if you got some sweet shit out of the whole idea

>>54513173
>alignment check
A what now?

>>54514323
I dont even know why he did that
My character was a nice bard, liked by both evil and good characters, and the DM and I were friends IRL

>>54507948
Im the sole man in a group of 7 people.
Works fine for me.

>>54497885
Perfectly justified. Your character snapped in a way that is perfectly reasonable for that character. He was pissed, but wasn't gonna start shit because he was a meek elf. As soon as the opportunity popped up, though...

>>54513173
If you aren't a Paladin or Cleric, and your alignment is restricting reasonable roleplaying, then you're doing it wrong.

>>54502041
>a classic of mine
>"we have seen this story before"
Really?, because he didn't made it clear in the first line, odd

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>>54513173
>alignment check

>>54514831
You roll 1d20 plus your alignment modifier, dumbo

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>>54497885
there's nothing worse than a good guy gone bad

>>54514392
Oh, have I warned him. His reaction to my warning is to regret telling me ahead of time. Which is a bad sign. It was fun to be a player for once instead of the GM.

>>54514900
a....alignment modifier?

>>54515298

Every step away from the alignment that matches your behavior is a -2 penalty to your alignment modifier.

Each snack you've given to the DM during the session, however, is a +1 bonus.

>>54515321
And if you fail you change alignment?
So you can change from a TN normal guy to a CE lol random murder hobo, after killing a half-orc?
Half-orcs aren't even full people.

>>54515397

Oh, no, of course not. There would be multiple instances of not being kosher with your alignment before that, and you just move one step closer to that alignment.

So you'd either go Chaotic Neutral or Neutral Evil after killing a half-orc, his half-elf brother, his wicked step-sister, and their adopted halfling parents.

>>54498309
>>54508187
>>54514549
>>54514918
All of you are praising a backstabbing turncoat.
Aye, the half orc was in the wrong, but that elf is a murderer.
I can understand she won't stand up for herself against a half-orc fighter,
but she should have talked to the other party members and giving them an ultimatum.
The half-orc goes or she goes. They can choose between a reliable ally or an half-orc who is not a team player.

I wonder what the reaction was of the other players after they saw her cast a spell that made the half-orc fall to her dead.
Why should they keep adventuring with a turncoat elf after they saw her murder one of them in cold blood.
Unless they are all crazy loonies that don't give a shit, then the ultimatum would not work and this is kinda justified-ish.

>>54515496
Or it was a situation of "glad the elf did it, because one of us was going to have to" in which case they low key pat eachother in the back.
Seriously, a turncoat? No way. Talk shit, get hit. And what the orc was doing was way beyond talking shit.
Anyways, I bet the problem player will shape up or will soon cease to be a problem all together if she keeps it up.

>>54497885
And this is why you bully lewdly, not crudely.

>>54493049
>gm says we're playing hunters
>we end up being turned into monsters
>I'm an abberation (basically get super powers)
>decide to make myself pretty much immortal
>a hunter approaches us and tells us to go to a abandoned barn
>later I say that there's a 99% chance they'll ambush us
>session ends
>some of the players are busy for over a month
>they're finally available again, but I'm busy the date the GM wants to play
>they decide to play anyways
>they go to the farm
>my character gets sniped in the foot and somehow dies
>another player eats my heart so he becomes a stronger mage

>there is no way a sniper would have been able to hurt me like that

>>54515496
If you're a greedy cunt you deserve death. Even in my evil party campaigns everyone splits loot equally and towards people's class gear. And we don't dick over our own party. This is like the #1 unwritten rule. You don't dick your allies over.

It's one thing if it's an OOC agreed on dynamic. But in this case the player specifically tried to talk them about how they weren't enjoying this.

The minute you throw out any appearance of being allies is the minute you lose the ability to cry about someone betraying you.

>>54508217
A bit of a shame, the players now know his secret for no reason. I'd rather make a new character and ask the GM never to do that again (or I'll leave).

>>54513097
No way to run away? Diversion?

>>54515742
>>54515840
It is something called escalation of violence.
You don't go from talking shit to lethal force.
If the party didn't trust him or hated him they should have kicked him out of the party at a nearby town.
Or in the wilderness at least she would have a fighting chance, with a sword in hand.
She waited for the half-orc to be at his weakest point and then decided to kick him while he was down.
That is First-degree murder.

Verbal assault and talking shit is not the same as betrayal or physical assault.
You don't go around deciding that your feelings are hurt, so it's okay to stab somebody in the back.

>>54516023
>murder
>somebody

You know it was a Half-Orc, right?

>>54516098
Half-degree murder.

>>54516023
>You don't go from talking shit to lethal force.
>You don't go around deciding that your feelings are hurt, so it's okay to stab somebody in the back.
You know fucking full well you're focusing on something on a detail no one was complaining about. No one gives a shit about the orc saying mean things, it's the fact that the half-orc was mechanically dicking over the elf and preventing them from getting any access to their share of the loot. Shit talking was just salt in the wound, by itself it would have been perfectly valid roleplay.

>>54516023
Nobody died though. There was no "lethal force", there was no "murder". One player of a game did things that inhibited another player from having fun, so they repaid in kind in a way that absolutely works in-character. Fuck off retard.

>>54516108
Would you only get half a court to judge you? I choose the defence half.

>>54507948

One experience doesn't make it fact. Nor does multiple green text stories.

Group has multiple women, and it's completely fine.

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>>54516314

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>>54515496
>giving unrelated parties ultimatums about your problems in real life

Yeah, that works well. Here's a fantasy example

>asking the dwarf to help an elf from a half orcs bullying
>when he's been chuckling about it the whole time

>asking the human ranger to help a elf from a half orcs bullying
>when the orc has abstained from most equipment the guy needs generally making life easier

>asking the mage to help an elf from a half orcs bullying
> when the orc has been a reliable meat shield and key defender while he casts

>>54516314
Both sides would have to be present or it wouldn't be an adversarial system.

How it would work is both the prosecutor and the defense would be cut off halfway through their opening and closing statements, only half the witnesses on the list show up, and the judge is absent 50% of the time.

>>54516592
The problems where in game.

If the rest of the party had no problem with the half-orc or if they think he did nothing wrong.
Why would they be okay with the elf kicking him off the ledge.
Why would they keep her in the party, knowing that she has no problem with killing teammates.

>>54516127
>mechanically dicking over the elf
I agree that the player was dicking her over, but if you are giving OOC justifications then they should have solved it OOC.

>>54516860
Did you not read the part where they tried to solve it OOC?

>>54516860
>The problems where in game.
What did they mean by this?

>>54516860
>IC and OoC I tell her that I don't find it kosher
>she doesn't react at all

Reading comprehension is overrated

>>54516860
>character fucks with and gimp you IC
>diplomacy doesn't work
>avoidance doesn't work
>eliminate the problrm IC

He was in the right and the result was fucking hilarious.

>>54516846
Can I choose when he's absent? I want him to be absent in the second half of the proceedings.

>>54516977
You can, but only with 50% accuracy.

>>54517062
Does his judgement only have 50% certainty and weight?

>>54517080
No, his judgement is at full capacity. But he can only use it half the time.

>>54513886
>> you have to make a concentration check to breathe

This reminds me of when my ex was beating me bloody with a martinet and was telling me to breath between hits.
This was so that I could take more but in the end I just forget to breath when I wasn't being told to.

>>54516023
No, but the elf wasn't the sort for direct confrontation. That was the personality type. I'm not saying the action was ethical, just that it made perfect sense.

>>54516860
>>54516946
>>54516592
And everyone else responding to this story:
>>54497885

Am I the only one that caught this bit:
>>half-orc bullies and keeps loot to herself
>>elf finally gets payback
>>she falls to her death on the spires of the chasm below riddled with skeletons and wights
Never do this.
Never, ever do this.
Do you have any idea how much loot you could have gotten from her corpse?
Damn man.

>>54518606
Loot... no.
This was about sweet, delicious vengeance.
Character should've switched to a sick sort of Lawful Neutral "Death to Betrayers" type.

>PF
>6th level chars
>Effective but not really optimized on GM's petition
>Ambushed by city's lawenforcers that we 100% know are under one of the bbeg's lieutenants
>Chances of dying if we surrender: 99%
>Decide to fight back and escape
>Literally overpowerd by lawenforcers
>Killed
Fuck this shit, 1. Why would fucking lawenforcers be more powerful than a 6th level group yet beg for adventurer's help when monsters or other shit attack? 2. Why not rocks fall and give us to choose between quick death or slow death?

Fuck this shit.
And now, even though we could totally have "lol teleport 1km away" shit we decided not to because the GM told us not to.

>>54516023
t. half-orc bully

>adventurers for hire, gold and glory their only reward, and expecting not to get murked when you withold someone's share

I'd have killed your character in a heartbeat and then I'd laugh in your bitch face.

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>Track down runaway magic who put a curse on a town that turned all the adults into stone to stone
>Capture her
>"You need to bring me back to the town to undo the curse, if you kill me it will linger until the terms are fulfilled and the children pledge themselves to my patron, (spooky faerie eldritch thing)"
>Everyone but the party thief agrees to take the prisoner back to town
>Thief insists she can't be trusted and we should kill her now
>We can't leave the whole town stone, idiot
>Thief goes 'Hurr hurr I had to grow up without parents those kids can too it will make them STRONK like me"
>We tell him to shut up and then start to head back to the town
>Thief says he's trailing behind a bit to "watch for things from the swamp following us back"
>Draws his bow and shoots her in the back
>She dies
>What the fuck dude
>LOL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, KILL ME?

I wish this story ended with "and then I killed him," but instead I emailed the DM about his behavior and the DM said that the player is just a "really strong roleplayer" and I should consider that he's just "playing to the strengths of his character" so I left instead.

I really regret that the ending wasn't"and then I killed him," though. If I had the chance to do it all again, I would have gone for it.

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I recently had a Half-Orc paladin who crafted a badass magic hammer that I chained and smelted to my plate armor gave my character +5 AC. Now this hammer apparently drained max health from me and my strength. So no one could hurt me, I couldn't hurt anything but oooooh boy if I did get hit I was out for the count. I was basically Ashley Graham in that suit of Armor in RE4.

I also sacrificed one of the other PCs by praying into a dying fire and rolling a 20. Just to beseech my god but I ended up sending our Dragonborn to Dragon Satan.

>>54513886
this is how it should be. If your pcs are not treating every moment of your campaign as a round of combat and requiring rolls for breathing, walking, blinking and swallowing then you are playing an unrealistic game.

>>54503647
Listen, dammit. I, as a 40 year old man, have a sexual desire to be a prepubescent girl giving herself willingly and with much enthusiasm to a grizzled old hardened adventurer man but am also a all powerful demon spawn just needing a wish to unleash my power to rule the world but my only desire is to fuck my old man father figure and YOU my good sir are going to participate in my magical realm because I am the only person willing to run a game in a 40 mile radius available on Wednesday nights from 7 to 9 PM.

Now roll for penile girth, I need to know if you damage my pretend lolli vagina or not. I already rolled for vaginal circumference and trust me, I rolled low ;)

>>54493049
>Playing DnD
>Have a Blackguard in the party.
>In one combat, shouts "Blood and souls for Arioch".
>DM asks who Arioch is.
>Blackguard player starts hyperventilating and calling the DM an idiot.
>Try to defuse things by saying that he's a chaos god from Moorcock's books
>DM starts ranting that well they might be Moorcock's gods, but they're not in his setting, and the blackguard can't swear by him.
>>Two other players start giggling and saying "More cock" separated as such, over and over again.
>Blackguard starts gathering his stuff up and leaving, saying that the DM is a "shitweasel".
>Game breaks up in acrimony.

I really need to find a new group.

>>54497885
>>we run across a wand with scorching rays
>>she keeps it and sells it later
>>find a ring that acts as a focus and lets the caster cast fireball 1/day
>>nope, sell that shit too, she has got to buy herself better things
How was she even allowed to do this?

>>54520293
degeneratus maximus

>>54520503
If I were to turn a bunch of That Guy and That GM stories from tg into a comic series about a poor fa/tg/uy trying to find a decent group, I couldn't script a better scene than this.

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>>54493049
>GM decides he wants a hand at playing D&D like it's a video game.
>We're an Inquisitor part that's trying to understand why an important outpost in Caldera Mountain has gone silent.
>We arrive at the foot of the mountain, and what should be lava and cinders, there's nothing but frost, stuck to the mountainside like a tumor.
>Taking it all in, barely prepared to deal with the snow, we brave the frost wearing the skins of animals our Holt Archer hunted.
>We're running through a snowy mountain, and GM has a timer set every half hour that weakens our characters statistics.
>We would auto-die at four rings.
>We spend a good time rushing through snow, ankle deep in frost. GM forces us to fight ghostly ''winds'' that represent the chilling cold, and hallucinations therein.
>Spend a good hour, weakened, thrudging across a frosted tomb city, in which the frozen solid corpses of old inhabitants remain, gazing emptily as we pass.
>Right as we're unearthing the mystery of the frost, we see a faint glimmer in the distance. The closer we get, we notice the embers, and the man sitting around the fire.
>We speak to him. He's an hermit, not by choice. But the frost makes it impossible to move anywhere without dying.
>Getting into the frost is not the hard part. Getting out is the problem.

>So this obvious GMPC tells us we're stuck in this frosted campaign until we remove the curse of the mountain.

>>54521600
I don't see what's wrong with this, unless this is just part 1

>>54519798
Well it does seem like he played his character. Leaving the game seems like quite an overreaction.
And hey, maybe it even was the better choice. You didn't say that you were sure she didn't have some trap planned.

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>>54521600
>Okay, we say. No way out but the front.
>The GMPC turns to be a pyromancer, a common sight on these places, but now the last one left.
>He's watched one by one as his companions tried and brave the frost with their magics, but the wind always gets worse when you tried heading out, and the pyromancers got lost in the white mists and were never seen again.
>Makes you wonder if the winds we fought weren't actual ghosts.

>The GMPC points to a crater, the holiest place in Caldera. It's the first thing that got frosted, as much sense as it makes, like hell itself got frozen solid.
>A volcano? Became frozen? Interesting.
>We head down the crater. With the GMPC as our guide, the pyromantics breathe new life into the part, so warm so comfy.
>The route down is perilous, the winds got stronger. Howling.
>We can see the GMPC's expression go dire, as he exorts us not to look too hard past the white haze around.
>Few of us listen, and those who look deeper see things fluttering just beyond reach, the size of a dragon, perhaps.

>So this GM just keeps being ''mysterious'' instead of outright telling us what is happening when we ask him.

At that point, I couldn't take his bullshit and I left. If you are a GM, you should GET TO THE FUCKING POINT.

>>54521691
Well, I found out later that he was setting up a journey across hell, that had literally frozen over. And the final boss was Satan. But too little too late for him.

>>54521600
>>54521826
>>54521863
t. That guy. Right here. Posting now.

>>54520956
I was about to post something similar to your comment.

>>54521926
I mean, technically it IS a that guy thread

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>>54521600
>>54521826
>>54521863

YOU. STUPID MOTHERFUCKER.

I told my DM how I wanted my Wizard to become a good lich, and he was agreeing that it was a great idea. While in the middle of a dungeon, I bullshit my way out of traps with my spells (4e fockin rocks). After that, I got insta-killed by a sniper (in a fantasy setting) using BS magic glass bullets. I was at a disadvantage because I couldn't see him, I already used most of my contingencies getting out of fatal traps, my character was not aware of enemies having basically guns, and I had low HP and AC because of being a Wizard. After dying, the party gets me to a necromancer and I am brought back as a lich. Thanks for giving me what I wanted and all DM, I really do appreciate it, but holy shit the difficulty curve came out of fucking nowhere.

>>54521994
>>54521981
>>54521926
I have a life, I have a gf to attend to, and this guy actually asked me to stay there for two hours, and two more playing Diablo.

I dont even play videogames. Fuck him

>>54521826
Not a "That Guy" DM story, sounds like a cool setting. You just have autism anon. Maybe the roleplay in Call of Duty would be more your speed?

>>54522055
Don't see how they were That GM when they gave you exactly what you wanted

>>54522057
Why did you even bother going if you're apparently so busy to not spare a few hours?

>>54507948
It's always been a single woman in the groups, it's something to do with attention seeking, I've never had multiple women in one group so for all I know it could be 1000x worse.

>>54522057
why play rpgs in the first place if you don't have the time or patience for them?

>>54522057

>this guy actually asked me to stay there for two hours

Have you ever played any tabletop before?

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>>54522057

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>>54493049

It's less ''That GM'' and more ''THAT game group'' (which I belong to, and I am not at all any better).

>It begins with a trip to Dracula's Castle, come back after a thousand years drifting in hell.
>Turns out Dracula was banished a long time ago into the abyss, where everyone expected the devils to teach him like a cocksucking worm, in comparison.
>Lo and behold, Dracula kicked their asses instead, absorbed the souls of every demon in hell in the span of a thosand years, become strong enough to dethrone the local blood god and take his place.

>We have to deal with Dracula before he manifests fully, and literaly floods the planet in demonic blood.

>The setting's cool enough for us to take it seriously in record two sessions, playing around and storming Dracula's castle after solving the mystery of the bloody maelstorm raging around the castle, and get past it.
>Third session, however, we're all fucking around.

>GMPC got fucking lost in the map HE designed, sent us circles until we wadded into the literal, bloody anus of castle Dracula.
>''Awright. Fuck this.''Says the player playing as bargain bin Batman, and the motherfucker fucking kicks us out of the sewers, and into a freefall straight to the maelstrom a hundred meters below.
>Batman jumps after us, demands the DM lets him roll for grabbing the party in mid-air and grappling hooking back into safety, to someplace we SHOULD BE, or else we all die.
>The GM has no contingencies for a party wipe, so he lets Batman do what he wants, and at the mercy of the dice. The whole room's looking at Batman with a mixture of awe, fear, and loathing, as he rolls his dice.

>Batman rolls a 1.

And it gets worse from there.

>>54521600
>>54521826
You were That Guy, but the part where the DM used an out-of-game timer to track the passing of in-game time was pretty stupid.

>>54522781
>Next time we made any progress, the party's storming into the castle's guest house.
>We are all skeletons now, the maelstrom stripped us of our flesh and souls, whiped us back into the castle.
>But luckily, we retain our senses thanks to the power of friendship. (???)

>We storm the dining room and find a slovenly vampire maid cleaning after the mess Dracula made last.
>''YOU!!'' said the cyber-halfling, points his finger at the made with dramatic flair.
>The maid panics when she sees, and goes off running with a stack of plates so tall they reach the ceiling.
>Our guys all go after her, the Tsundere Warrior Girl piwers up her angelic wings, rushes after her with speed of a jet plane, but wouldn't you know it.
>''Roll to avoid slipping on the floor.''

>Turns out the mess was worse than we thought, and we started a domino stack that begins with our Tsundere Warrior Girl slipping ten feet across the floor and blowing a hole on the wall, sent debris flying flting that struck the cyber-halfling in the dick, and he FUCKING EXPLODED because it was a critical hit and he is a machine.
>The explision shatters our skellies, and sends bones flying EVERYWHERE, somehow breaking every plate and furniture into smitherens.

>Because our GM is retarded, and the rules wonky, every thing that breaks has an explosion equal to the original explosion.
>Explosion creates explosion creates explosion creates explosion creates explosions ad infinitum.

>lo and behold, this begins a chain of explosions that spread to the castle, past the maelstrom, into the transylvanian fields and beyond, in a long chain of explosions that is still raging to this day, somewhere beyond our imagination.

It gets worse.

>>54523231
It is? How so?

>>54523231
Would work if the DM had paused the timer in specific instances I guess.

You all play with such insufferable faggots.
It's amazing you don't just walk out.

>>54524283
They are my buddies, I can't walk out.

>Be me
>Uni grad took courses in all of the humanities
>ALL OF THEM
>Main focus of studies was on human behaviour and cognitive psychology but it branched out quickly.
>Playing paladin
>Roleplay paladin like a pro according to group
>Party reaches world partially ruled by vamps
>Only way out is to take a vampire with us to another world
>Not all worlds have undead or undead accessories
>Paladin refuses to work with vamp, would rather fall on sword than spread their kind across untainted parts of creation
>GM takes character sheet and tells me Pally dies days later gang vamped at night

>Be me
>Playing Paladin again with different GM
>Evil campaign so playing LE Paladin of Asmodeus
>Play as a militant lawyer/jehovah witness
>Have you heard the word of our dark lord and master?
>Party takes ship across the sea to do some raiding of lawless savages unprotected by our laws.
>Attacked by pirates who we then utterly defeat
>Pirate captain agrees to tell us what we want to know in exchange for his life, row boat and enough rations to make it to shore
>Party agrees
>Ask for him to explain his map (and notes)
>Captain gives bullshit answer about a single aspect of map and demands to be released with what he asked for (GM smiles smugly the whole time)
>Paladin stabs captain through the heart for failing to provide all information
>GM goes full gollum over his pirate captain and shouts about how my character lost all of his powers and the party is a bunch of power gamers only interested in loot and "winning".
>Doesn't seem to get that we're evil
>Tried to weasel out of a deal with a devil worshiper
>GM as Captain acted like he wasn't at the mercy of a devil worshiper, necromancer, blood drinking wiz and monk that ripped apart his crew with his bare hands.
>How else was that going to go down for the captain?

>>54523336
Moving on.

>We plunge into the depths of Dracula's castle as little more than a clump of soul-stuff, small enough to fit in your hand, like a sandwich. Held together by the mutual grudges from constant arguing, like a revenant.

>The party's demoralized by now, half the guys throw their arms and play Smash instead, while the other half drags their PC's everywhere.
>Because those PC's are the only ones with the holy weapons to defeat Dracula.
>We're practically role-playing them as zombies by know, and we throw the bodies onto enemies to kill them with the sheer holiness of our comatose Priestess.

>The GM is desperately trying to keep the team, and his face is red like a beet from embarrassment as we start throwing prunes at one another and fucking up his room with smears that last to this day.

''Smears, huh?''

>That's when I get a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.

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>>54525116

>That's when I get a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.

>>54525116
>Semen

Please no.

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>>54525116
>>That's when I get a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.

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>>54525116
>That's when I geat a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.

Go on.

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>>54524972
Damn, you have some really bad luck with GM's.

>>54525116
>So we're now on the fourth session, days later, and nobody found out the things I did with my semen.

>I'm standing around, smirking like a goddamn lunatic as the GM comes up with a bullshit explanation on how our characters were only just dreaming and would now face the REAL Dracula.
>The GM learned from his mistakes and turned the map into a corridor from A to B. There is no possible way he could get us lost this time, so we head forth into the castle.
>We try as best as we could to play it serious, and deal with a coolio encounter with a giant werewolf chasing us across the courtyard.
>Things go to shit when our Drizzt asks to go for a piss, and that's a not so good idea under the current circumstances.
>In order to 'speed up our game', the GM set up a clock that's supposed to run in real time and goad us into keep moving, and he refuses to let anyone off the table.

>So our Drizz just says ''fuck it'' and goes take a piss.
>I can tell the GM is already flustered and red as a beet, so our Batman takes the initiative, and grabs the dice, role-plays as the Drizzt.

>""Drizzt rolls for pissing."

>Drizzt freezes in place, drops his pants all the way down and starts pissing on the werewolf's face, and the werewolf is somehow injured by all this.
>Me guess Drizzt injured his pride, if anything, which got a laugh out of everyone until the werewolf pounced the shit out of Drizzt, and killed him.
>But it was a good thing, cause the mauling gave us time to enter the castle and shut the gates on the werewolf, who seemed content to rape what remained of Drizzt's corpse into a pulp.

>Drizzt's corpse was still pissing during all this.

It gets worse.

>>54525457
Worst part is that right now those two are my only options for people who are willing to run a game. Otherwise I end up forever DM/GM

>>54525551
How can it get WORSE?

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>>54525551
>Drizzt's corpse was still pissing during all this.

Like a hero.

>>54525551
>So now it's our Batman, our Tsundere anime girl, our comatose priestess (player is druggeed out of his goddamned mind by now), the cyborg halfling, the GMPC wizard, my Paladin, and some guy who polymorphs as different types of rocks.
>And Drizzt too, who walked out the bathroom, surveyed the scene, and got back to olaying like nothing happened. And there was nothing our meek GM could do about it.
>"I'm no longer dead." Said Drizzt Do'Urden, and we set forth our merry way into the depths of Dracula's castle.

>Our next challenge was to traverse across a twisting path of stairwells and passages that went through bits and pieces of Hell, like a room made entirely out of portals.
>The path was perilous, so much that the GM dropoed his clock, expect us to think hard and have a puzzle for our lifetime. We need to use our heads.

>So Batman grabbed his grappling hook, which the DM ALWAYS forgot about, and grappled straight towards the exit, like a goddamn boss.
>And left us to rot because we didn't have no grappling hooks.

>Batman spends the rest of the session smoking weed while we haul ass in trying to solve this stupid puzzle.

It gets worse.

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>>54525551
>Drizzt's corpse was still pissing during all this.

Oh shit, I'm sorry.

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>>54526197
Sorry for what?

Our daddy told us to be proud of our dicks, especially since it's good size and all.

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>>54526259
Is it bad that I can recognize the outline of his penis?

>>54526324
You recognize that penis, then?

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>>54526040
>And Drizzt too, who walked out the bathroom, surveyed the scene, and got back to olaying like nothing happened. And there was nothing our meek GM could do about it.

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>>54520503
Typical Blackguard players.

>>54526040
>"I'm no longer dead." Said Drizzt Do'Urden, and we set forth our merry way
This is actually the appropriate response when the group kills your character while you're in the bathroom.

>>54520190
>that's why you buy a d1,000,000
>for those 1 in a million chance failures.

>>54525666
>How can it get worse?

How about a 1-hour rant on the nature of Israel, and "those hook-nosed kikes....I'll show 'em.", as the GM's grand-daddy joins the session, playing with a Jesus Christ figure he took from a desk somewhere?

>Here comes Jesus Christ, messiah and vampire hunter in equal measure, come to fuck up Dracula with rules come straight out of a 70-year old's prolapsed anus.
>Half the board is too damned high to do anything to stop him, and just play along ith the good-feels Jesus Christ who does whatever the fuck you want him to do?
>"Granpa, can you teleport you teleport us to Dracula?" Someone asked, and Jesus Christ our lord and saviour SHAZAM'd us into Dracula's throne room, to the GM's whimpering objections.
>Drizzt even came up with teleporting right out of Dracula's toilet, and gave him the spook of his life when he saw Jesus' head rise out of the toilet, at the other side of the bathroom.

And that's how we finally met Dracula: he was taking a shit.

>>54523336
And the legendary infinity-chain explosion began. Across the world, this explosion-chain conitnues to rip through nature, cities any anything and everything caught in the infinite blasts. Those few faggots who started it will forever be known as "worse than fucking Dracula, the blood God"

>>54521826
>>54521600
Sounds cool. I might have to use these ideas.

>>54526831
Gotta figure out whether you just got impregnated with quadruplets when the enemy combatant accidentally raped you during combat

>>54526862
>>54526040
>>54526879

>Now, I've got to hand it to the GM for sticking with us after everything, and even patch-worked a semi-coherent story off of the mess we made.
>Dracula's the Dragon prophesized by the bible, and Jesus the messiah gave his life in a blinding light that ceased the flow of chaos long enough to freeze the maelstrom, and cut Dracula away from his demonic souls.

>Shit gets intense with a three-phase encounter that starts with Dracula fucking around with us, and ends with merging with the entire castle, takes the shape of a dragon the size of the moon, with fire-breath that opens a portal to hell, spews demons.
>Seriously: A DEMON BREATH. DEALS DAMAGE, SUMMONS FUCKING DEMOGORGON AT THE SAME TIME.
>How cool is that?

>Things got hectic, it was challenging but the GM had obviously thought about this for months and balanced the encounters, when things got bad he summoned the reborn soul of Jesus to fight with us.

>Eventually, after much effort and bombarding Dracula with orbital lasers from Heaven, courtesy of Jesus' daddy, we finally shattered the Dragon-castle into smithereens, crashed down the earth that split a mountain apart, Dracula crawled out of the mess injured and shirtless.
>It was time for the final blow, and the Tsundere Warrior Girl was one to do it. Praised the Lord in the skies to give her strength, aid by Jesus Christ and turned to a light-show that pierced the darkness.
>Time to end this, we thought.

>But there's a thing people say about the quiet ones, easily flustered: they hold a grudge.

>And Dracula looked to us, blinked twice, and ran away.

"Huh?!" Was the collective "HUUUUH" that happened when Dracula jumped down his throne room, hitched a cab, and drove away into the sunset, never to be seen again.
>And our heroes stood there like idiots, swords shining and Jesus laughing as our campaign came to an end.

And thats how our GM got his due.

It got worse.

>>54527327
Wai, what happened to Dracula?

Who the fuck even plays in a group were you don't split all loot evenly. Who the fuck even plays in a game where the GM has a PC? That is most of these problems solved right there, who the fuck would put up with that shit?

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>>54527494
It would be a lie to say it ends there.

Our "heroes" are vindictive fuckers and proceed to chase Dracula down like the Benny Hill theme was playing, all the while this Tsundere is doing her danged best to keep the holy power in her sword form accidentally releasing and blowing up the cab.

Chase gets scooby doo when Dracula goes into a mall and we all get lost chasing him across a thousand halways and doors, all the while the Tsundere is stuffing her sword in hert to try and keep the holy power in checks.

It gets to its zeitgeist when the Rock Polymorphist turns out to be working for Dracula, turns into rock, falls down, and everyone dies.

Or at least they are trapped under tons of rock.

>>54527601
Zenith?

>>54526040
>>And Drizzt too, who walked out the bathroom, surveyed the scene, and got back to olaying like nothing happened. And there was nothing our meek GM could do about it.
>>"I'm no longer dead." Said Drizzt Do'Urden, and we set forth our merry way into the depths of Dracula's castle.
You know what, that's completely fine. Letting someone's character get killed because they had to go piss is a little rude and shouldn't have happened

>>54527626
Yeah, that.

It was kind of a wild ride, that one. It's bad gaming, but fun nonetheless.

>>54501752
Man that is some old pasta...

>>54527517
Whats wrong with a GMPC?

I use them all the time, nobody complains.

>>54528237
Some people find GMPCs to be a particularly egregious form of either railroading "Hey guys, the PC wants us to go here!" or just running the GM's fanfic with the PCs as sidekicks.

Now whether or not that's actually true depends on the GM and the PC in question, but regardless it's something that some people just assume from the outset if it turns out that's the case.

>>54518638
>This was about sweet, delicious vengeance.
Implying stealing someones loot isn't the sweatest of veangance.

>>54528345
As a rule, whenever I use DMPCs I always give the party full control of their actions outside of conversation. This prevents me from gradually Mary Sueing them. It also helps that I remind myself constantly that this is the party's adventure to go on, not mine.

>>54529750
I see, the "Wrath of the Righteous, Book 1" approach.

>>54528345
This is incorrect.

If you, as the gm, are playing a character in your own game, you are objectively wrong.

If you, as the gm, are controlling an NPC that is adventuring with the party, you are right.

It's mostly about perspective. If you treat the character better, give it major plot, or hell, even refer to it as "my character" you're awful. Stop.

>>54529750
This is not a gmpc. It is an npc. The terms mean different things.

>>54493049
>Pathfinder
>Level 6
>Party is entering a town and told by guard no magic spells inside the walls
>All the mages and other magic people are ok with this
>Enter city
>All of a sudden city's GIANT MAGICAL DETECTION FIELD GOES OFF
>Party is arrested because "oh magic is in your blood so that counts as spells"
>GM literally interrogates players by taking them into a separate room
>Nobody knows what crime has been committed
>Try to devise way to break out
>Room was expertly set up so the one player with mage hand or any reachy magic could not reach key
>Everyone gets interrogated
>My turn
>Apparently my character being a shapeshifter is a crime in the kingdom
>allmywhat.jpg
>Confess to being shapeshifter because everyone else sold me out anyway
>Awaiting final judgement in cells when party member says to "come up with a plan quick"
>Wait for door to open and run/fight anyone who gets in my way
>Cyborg Samurai member of party with OP legs can't kick door open to help
>Die to firing squad of archers that were for some reason higher leveled than the party
>Paladin is executed for inquisitorial acts
>Rest of the party is free to go
>GM resurrects the paladin who did actually commit murder but not the shapeshifter who did nothing wrong

So I did the logical thing and made another shapeshifter, which had an equally bullshit death, which deserves a post all of it's own

>>54530165
Might as well tell us bro, though I have to ask why did your characters need to get into this city to begin with, and why couldn't you just go "I didn't know my very existence here was a crime, can I just leave?"

Seriously though, I have to wonder what GMs like this are thinking when they do stuff like this. Barring the whole "certain players are told that being a certain class is a crime and we can tell because we're using magical detection devices to tell that you're a magic user" thing, what exactly was his plan after arresting your characters and throwing them in jail?

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>>54530165
To be honest, I have no idea why he did such things. He said he had it all planned from the start, but that's grade a bullshit. I tried talking my way out of it, but since the interrogations were not dice based, he essentially did what he wanted.

anywho, Second Character now

>Same campaign as before
>Everyone's level 7 now, except for my character which the GM has forced to remain at level 5
>Shapeshifter 2: Electric Boogaloo is miraculously still around after a couple sessions
>In the previous session king's crown jewels were stolen while the guards decided to cast 7000 fireballs at a bird (i.e. my druid shapechanger) flying around at night while the thieves were casually walking through the streets
>Also found out in that session that the GM had the LAWFUL GOOD paladin STEAL a prized possession of my character when I wasn't able to make the last session
>Anyways, we were told we had to go get some magic rock from this far away place and we needed a boat
>Party procures transport from a friendly pirate
>About halfway through the trip, a goddamn sea serpent attacks as a way for the GM to remove some characters they didn't like
>During attack, my druid gets thrown off the boat and gets down to a couple hp
>It's ok though, I'll just turn into an eel and heal myself because I picked up the feat that lets me cast spells in animal form
>GM has me roll concentration check
>Nat 20+ like 8 from modifiers to cast cure light wounds sounds like a sure fire thing right?
>WRONG
>GM tells me the spell fizzles and the sea serpent grabs me with it's tail, putting me into negative HP, unconscious, and drowning
>From a 28 concentration check
>On a god damn level 1 spell
>The GM then has the sea serpent literally eat the party's luckbringer, bringing him from full HP to no HP in one fell swoop
>Give the GM a ride home afterwards because he's too lazy to walk the .5 miles
>He tells me that the sea serpent was only there to get rid of my druid and the luckbringer
>mfw

>>54530347
I would have let him walk senpai.

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Mkay.

Half of these 'That GMs' couldn't do what they did in a sane system. Like anything that isn't D&D, Pathfinder, or Exalted.

>>54530383
Are you stupid? That GM can always find a way to fuck you.

>>54530347
One last bit that my fellow PC told me to add: The final boss

>Made a third character
>We finally hit level 8
>This character was a living Jojoke, being essentially a carbon copy of Joseph Joestar
>Even has "Hamon" in the form of elemental lightning punches
>The final boss is a giant undead dragon, literally mountain sized
>There's also an army of undead between the party and the dragon
>The GM made it perfectly clear that no magic would make it past the dragon's servants who could counter literally everything
>Party illusionist made my character invisible so we could sneak in
>I decided it would be the perfect time for a Jojoke as the undead dragon was being resurrected and run away in Joestar fashion
>The battle starts, the GM quite literally says I'm miles from combat
>Still have to dodge lasers being fired by the dragon's servants, even though miles away and invisible
>Continue running for a couple more turns, GM tells everyone in the battle that a sulfuric gas fills the area
>Doesn't matter, still running
>GM's mary sue he introduced last session is being played by a friend from out of town casts fireball
>combusts all the gas
>Oh well, I'm miles away
>Oh by the way anon, make a reflex save
>N..Nani!?!
>The resulting explosion kills all of the party (who all were at full HP), but leaves his mary sue alive
>Mary sue warps to plane of elysium
>Find out later from the GM's sister that the sulfuric gas was specifically there so that my character would use their Hamon and wipe the entire party

I'm going to be retconning his campaign in my campaign very soon, since everyone agreed that the second half of his sucked. I'm hoping it'll give the players some closure besides "Your character died in a firey explosion"

>>54527517
My group has a GMPC and splits loot in ways the characters would based on their personality. (Fair, unless the thief can find a way to lie to us).
Everything goes fine if nobody's an asshole OoC about it.

>>54528345
My GM's PC is usually something like a goblin or a little ratfolk kid. He likes to keep it low-power.

>>54530470
Why was your GM GM-ing a high fantasy session if he clearly hated the concept of players using magic?

Like, seriously, (OP here, same group as above but a different player as GM) your ending reminds me of the guy that was the main GM of our group, TWO separate campaigns he attempted to end everything on "your characters died but the world was saved, so at least there's that", and in one of those he had a Merlin expy as a sort of DMPC that was the one who actually did the saving of the world, we were just there to distract the final boss long enough for the ritual he was doing to be complete, the blast of which decimated the final boss as well as half the party, though from what I remember the Merlin expy wasn't all that torn up about it.

>>54530383
Rules can't fix retardation or dickishness.

>>54519798
"You won't do anything because that'd be PvP" is the worst meta

>>54530377
I would have drove in the opposite direction

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>>54527517
The same people that decide to stay in a group where the person who deals the final blow gets to choose where the experience goes.
>faggot stands in the back being useless and eating berries
>does no damage until the final blow
>keeps all the experience like a little asshole
>does this every fucking time he gets the final blow, but bitches that doesn't get enough experience when someone else gets the final blow
>mfw

>>54530796
>the person who deals the final blow gets to choose where the experience goes.
That's fucking dumb.

>>54530796
Alright, but seriously... Last hitting for xp?
Who would even think that was a good idea?

>>54530812
>>54530843
What if I told you that killing things was the only way to get experience, and just defeating them doesn't count?

>>54530854
What is this? Undertale?

>>54530854
>>54530796
EXP systems that work like that are only good for parody series where the joke is that random Joe Schmoe can come in and steal your kill and XP, actually implementing it into a game is cancer of the highest degree.

>>54530854
People play like that's true all the time, though.

>>54530116
No.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with no-holds barred full "this is my character and I'm playing it". That's how you get the campaign you want AND the character you want to play.

>>54515496
shut the hell up

>>54530854
You still learn from an encounter even if you don't kill. Therefore, XP.

>>54531227
I don't disagree with you. Apparently though, my GM feels that the only way to grow is through murder.

>>54531034
I usually use DMPCs to do the jobs the party didn't want to do. Usually thieves, scouts and such.

>>54531241
Wonder how he'd run a campaign about a band of thieves.

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>>54497885
Good stuff anon. Talk shit, get hit.

>>54522781
You gotta admit that you'd be fucking praising batman's ass if he got that 20

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>>54525116
>hat's when I get a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.

>>54525551
>Drizzt's corpse was still pissing during all this.
Stop man, I'm running out of reaction images.

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>>54527327
>And our heroes stood there like idiots, swords shining and Jesus laughing as our campaign came to an end.

>>54527879
>anon states is something he already posted before, and probably many times due "classic"
>"man, that's stuff I already read"
...really? man, your perception is off the charts

>>54523694
games can get sidetracked easily, snack/bio breaks, side conversations, longer than required OOC debates/discussions over decisions or events ingame. Out of game time should generally not represent ingame time, unless agreed upon prior.

>>54524972
Well, to be fair, you could have just taken the vampire out and then killed it.
But I suppose if you refused to use trickery like the 'muh rules' paladin kind often does, that wouldn't quite fly.

>>54530165
>>54530347
>>54530470
The fuck is his problem and why do you even allow that cunt to GM?

>>54530779
I would have let him walk and then run him over with my car.

>>54531034
There is a lot wrong with that. If you can't realize how bad the gm having a full blown PC is, you are probably one of these awful gms people are telling stories about.

>>54530796
Nigga what the fuck? I haven't even heard of that before, what is this DOTA?
Yeah, I would never stay in that group.
If all members of the group don't realize this is a team game where we win by having fun playing with each other, and not a game we "win" by getting the most xp, or loot or w/e else, then I'm out.

>>54531034
>There's absolutely nothing wrong with no-holds barred full "this is my character and I'm playing it".
That is ultimately untrue.
Nobody ia capable of being 100% free from metagaming.

Just because it could theoretically be done and everything go okay, that doesn't mean there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, even if you could cite a precedent.
Just because it could be fine, and may have been fine once or twice before, that doesn't make it a good idea.
A GMPC is like checking if your gastank is empty by holding up a lit match to see inside or like openly pursuing a sexual relationship with your 13 year old cousin: it is a bad idea more likely to end catastrophic than okay.

>>54530377
>>54530779
>>54532978
I would have, no joke, silently and without uttering another word for any reason, driven him deep into whatever wilderness was near, bonus if the drive took hours.

>>54521826
You're a fucking retard anon. I hope they had a great campaign without you.

>>54513097
Just bail. No gaming is better than bad gaming.

>>54531034
>retard posts retard reply
>go to tell him what's what
>was already told three times

So do you openly masturbate at the table, or do you wait to touch yourself while murmuring your donut steel until you're alone after the session?

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>>54525116
>That's when I get a great idea. And that idea involves my semen.
>>54525551
>So we're now on the fourth session, days later, and nobody found out the things I did with my semen.

Is no one going to ask about the semen thing? I'm afraid to ask, but I must.

>>54530165 #
>>54530347 #
>>54530470 #
Why did he treat you like this? Why did you keep playing? Did anyone else try and step up to this bullshit?

Honestly, why did he try and make your life miserable?

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>>54497885
This was beautiful. Like something from an older YA fantasy novel. Like just that touch of built up anger taken out in an a way that is ultimately a mistake. That's true role-playing.

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>>54536196
There was a screencap where an anon convincingly told a story about how he brought semen laden food to a meetup of people from 4chan.
The meetup was confirmed as real, anyway.
I don't have that cap, just this awfulness.
Just food for thought.

I play with a group of friends, and we have quite the problem with finishing campaigns. After 3 to 4 sessions we lose interest and jump to another, or fuck up that one until the GM just gives up. She isn't the best GM out there and lacks on backup plans, so it's near impossible for her to contain us when we start dicking around.
To solve that, I asked our GM to make a smaller campaign and see with can at least manage that. She agrees and next time comes up with a very small one, easily doable in one afternoon. It's not that great but I was already asking a lot so I'm not the one to complain.
Right at the start our party was made out of a mute warrior (me), an Archer named Lego Las, a Bard who, at that point, seemed quite ordinary, and a mage, who asked to be a psychic. Al he wanted was to be a psychic named Mag Neato. She refused and their little war started. After a while, she just let him go with it, as long as he changed the name. As revenge, he makes his character, Ebans, a shapeshifter and turns into a seaturtle.
So, a mute warrior, a bard, Lego Las and a floating psychic Seaturtle set out on a quest.
We have a little introduction about finding a village being attacked by a troll, but there is one guard, so we help him out, he explains that the city is short on men and takes us to the commander in the capital. Commander rewards us, each gets a special thing: bard gold, I get training with the guards, the Archer gets 3 magical arrows that always hits, and the seaturtle is left outside of the castle because no animals allowed.
As the tension raises, we just start staring at each other knowing things will go bad. We get 3 days to explore the city while my characters gits gud. The Archer does some hunting quest, the Bard goes to a brothel and spends all of his gold, gets DST and proceeds to use his high charisma to recruit 5 NPC prostitutes to our party, each named after our mothers (GM included).

>>54536831
The Seaturtle spends some time talking to people in the market, until the guy gets an urge to go shit and leaves the table. He starts taking too long so we go without him, leaving the Seaturtle in the streets and just rewarding XP so he doesn't get too much behind.
After another quest for the commander, we find a group of guards who were ambushed, one of them relays a message about the king's location, we go back with the message and the princess comes to talk. Exposition about the king being kidnapped and yadda yadda politics we can't let the king die or the people know about his situation so we sent all the guards on secret scouting mission but most are dead now pls help.
We go on a quest to find the king. Lego Las, a Bard, 5 prostitutes, and I. The prostitutes end up being quite the helping hand, since they are good to test out possible traps and can seduce every guy along the way.
As we approach the final battle, or sneaky plan fails and a small army comes to kill us. The battle is intense, the prostitutes die one after another, our bard is playing Heroes of Our Time (he put his fucking phone on the table playing it), Lego Las looks like a fucking machine gun, and I'm stripped down with a hard on charging at the enemies.
Then, he comes back, to bullshit and fuck games, and he is out of fucking shit. Once Seaturtle guy is back, he wants to get in action, we tell him his exp, he levels up, he is fucking ready, and start by throwing a bunch of rocks at the enemies in front of him.
The GM smugly looks at him with "BUT YOU'RE STILL IN THE TOWN'S MARKET!", I could seriously picture a thunder after her line. The Seaturtle simply wakes up and nails a merchant's body to the wall, bloody everywhere, the people screaming their lungs off.

>>54536217
I think the GM's problem was that his Dad had been into D&D back in the day, and he constantly heard stories of characters instantly dying for the most miniscule of things. I guess he got the idea that those kinds of campaigns are fun, even though we all hated it.

The only reason I kept playing is because the sessions were being held at my place since it was the only place with enough room for all of us and everyone in the house was playing.

As for trying to stop the madness, me and one other guy were the only ones who brought it up because the other people either
a: were ok with him completely ruining the game

or B: playing a non-magic character that wasn't nerfed by the GM

It really didn't help the cause that the other players didn't say anything to him, even though they were fine discussing it without him around.

>>54536845
We just ignore our battle and start watching this one, because it's much more entertaining. It's GM vs Player, World vs Seaturtle.
The guards surround him, but with his high levels he fucks them up easily, bringing chaos to the city. "I am Ebans, bringer of destruction, God of Death, son of Mag Neato, your life shall end with this world", he would chant, as he would fly through the town causing tremors and chaos.
Because of her own setting of "not enough guards", which we would gladly remember her, there was nothing strong enough to stop the demonic Seaturtle. He even challenged the Commnader and the Princess, and won.
We go back to our own battle. And after several rolls and the help of the king, we finally defeat them and come back, only to find the old kingdom in ruins. The place was now a fucking Communist Federation, ruled by a fucking Seaturtle, who would oppress his people with an iron fist. The king was immediately beheaded and we just sat and watched and a fucking goddamit Seaturtle destroyed the first campaign we actually completed.

>>54536831
>>54536845
>>54536860
You reap what you sow.
Your group deserves each other an I sincerely hope you stay together forever, never tainting another group with your presence.

>>54536853
I meant specifically why you as the target of the aggro. Does he just hate you? Why does one guy get rez'd while you don't, and get hit with level debuffs.

Like what the hell dude.

>>54537454
Yeah, we are scum. A bunch of "That Guy" who got together to play. At least it's fun.

>>54515293
I'd just tell everyone else. With any luck, they'll be pissed enough to make him dump that stupid idea.

>>54536831
>recruit 5 NPC prostitutes to our party, each named after our mothers (GM included).
AHAHAHAHAHAH

>>54522057
>I have a life
Could've fooled me

>>54537612
To be honest, I have no idea. The only thing I can think of is that he felt bad because the paladin killed the guy sort of in defense of my character.

It was a weird situation because my character was a skinwalker and the GM decided after the campaign started that they would essentially turn into a werewolf on the full moon, but never let me know when the full moon would be (even though I had like a 10 in knowledge nature). So we enter a town (not the anti magic one), the full moon hits, and I didn't have time to exit the town because I wasn't told the lunar cycle. Cue my character being tied up, the guards were going to have trial by combat the next morning with my character, the paladin found out they were worshiping a non-ideal god, and then the paladin offered himself for the fight. I was just going to wiggle out of the knots and run away, but the paladin decided to go all inquisitorial.

But the only thing I can think of is if the GM specifically wanted to punish me for some bullshit they came up with without informing me of all the details

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>>54538545
So on top of everything you already said, the DM went even further to be a targeted dick towards you? Why. Why didn't you just say "if this is how I'm treated, you aren't allowed through my front door, someone new is running our game"

Stop me if you already have heard this one (you already did most likely)
>3.5 game
>GM wants to make a postapocaliptic modern world in where an alliance of demons and devils have conquered our dimension
>15th level
>"Everything from 3.5 is allowed"
>Ask what does he mean everything is allowed
>"Every sourcebook, splatbook, whatever as long as it's from 3.5 is legal and you can use it"
>kay
>He tells us to send him our chars via email before the week ends
>Send him two PCs
Fuck it, I'm going to be specific even if he's reading this
>Monk/Psywar focused being onepunchman and Clawlock focused on shadopounce
>1 week later I get a reply. Sorry, I don't allow that combo of feats in the monk (which were both RAW and RAI), and no to any teleport
>This kills the PCs
>Send him 2 other PCs. Hellfire Warlock and Druid Master of many forms
>1 week later I get a reply. No to hellfire class, and any shapeshifting or polymorph can only be done to turn into modern animals, no elementals, no dinosaurs, no plants, no outsiders, only modern animals
>This kills both characters
>Getting really tired of this shit. So much for "everything is allowed"
>Send him 2 other chars. Shifter barb/warshaper/weretouched master and Duskblade with a gimmick I don't remember now
>1 week later I get a reply. Only humans are allowed and the Duskblade isn't allowed
>That's it, I'm done. Sorry, but I'm not interested in this game anymore, clearly you don't want me here as I've done 8 characters and none of them fit your "everything is allowed" game. So bye
>1 week later I get a reply, that links to all players: So because Anon (me) didn't send me a character and I'm tired of waiting the game is cancelled, if you have a problem talk to him.


Later I heard they ended playing and even used some of my not allowed characters.

>>54538705
There was actually a while where I stopped playing his campaign, I couldn't exactly kick him out since the other two guys that lived with me and played the campaign still wanted it to continue. There was a while where I was just playing metal gear in the living room while they dealt with his bullshit. The only reason I came back is because one of my friends from out of town was coming to visit and wanted to join it, so I joined to hang out with him while he was around.

The third character was just a joke that was only there in a failed attempt to derail his campaign.

tfw I only play rpgs with cool people and I have never experienced anything close to anything in this thread.

>>54530854
Maybe in some weird evil setting where your job is to murder as much shit as possible to give power to your God Lich who then in turn gives power to you otherwise that is the most retarded thing.

My worst ever D&D campaign. I'm a forever DM so I get a little too excited about playing a character. I was kind of a jerk necromancer, but never outright did anything to screw over the party. The DM's best friend liked to kill players he didn't like. He decided he didn't like my character because i besmirched his honer or some bullshit. I actually got pretty far in my mission and was staying as a researcher in the kings castle. A unbeatable Assassin showed up and tried to kill me. I got away, but than the other player asked me to go into the forest with him. I rolled a perception check to pick up on his intention. It was pretty high like a 18, but the DM said he was honest and truthful. He killed me. I hate that DM and player.

>>54536456
The /k/ meetup! I remember the screencap, don't have it unfortunately. He had a timestamp of his cum in the batter and everything

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>>54530470
Why didn't you punch him? Damn.

>>54539246
I was just glad the campaign was finally over to be entirely honest.

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>>54520293

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>>54524972
>Paladin of Asmodeus
>The Deific figure most closely associated with contracts and the loopholes dictated therein
>Kills a guy for finding a loophole in a "contract" (verbal, but still.)

You were no Paladin of Asmodeus at all.

Get a pen. Get a quill. No uncertain terms. Sign in blood. Don't get pissy at someone for taking a devil's path through a deal when you worship a devil you mong.

>>54515840
I run evil characters because I'm /thatguy/, but I never fuck over my teammates, just try to murder prisoners we take, while they try to let them go

>>54506857

I played a comedy game pnce where the female player rolled up the devil. No Seriously, she put points in bejng the devil. It was fucking great,because she was also our lawyer.

>>54521863
that sounds like a cool campaign, you sound like a dick

>>54515468

Thats still only, like, 1 murder

black pudding unaffected by web spell because they're amorphous.

>>54513538
Jesus, this is "do you Catan" levels of pure what.

>>54538706
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

>>54526831
A chance 1 in a million ends with a success in 9 times out of 10.

I had a GM once require the linguistics skill to speak or read any language besides common. Even if your character knew that language. It wouldn't have been to bad, except he didn't tell this to anyone until we got to the kingdom where they didn't speak common

Not so much a GM as a player

Allow me to regale you with the Tales of a player I shall refer to as "Bob" (not his real name).

Bob is not a good role-player, that's something that me and my friends have come to realize over the many weeks/months/years we spent playing with us.

He isn't necessarily a bad guy, he just...isn't right for role playing games.

Back in the early days of my role-playing career, I decided to smash together a roleplaying group out of my friends, getting us all together over the summer at my house or that of another friends to eat pizza, have fun, and play the Kingmaker module for Pathfinder (a campaign I'd played a little with others before the group dissolved)

The party was a group of Chaotic Neutral/Neutral Ambivalent characters that one would expect for our first time playing an RPG but for two notable exceptions.

Bob, who was playing a lawful good Assimar Ranger (nothing wrong here) and the greatest lesson I would ever learn about giving a player the option of being an evil character.

A chaotic evil anti-paladin teifling that was an overt cannibal with skills in 'skinning' that he put to good use (The term "Human Skin Snuggie" was thrown around more than once).

Now, the campaign began and, everyone being a bunch of indifferent assholes that they were, largely regulated the anti-paladin to the 'Useful but dangerous' pile that was tolerated but not trusted, everyone doing their best to keep him civil in town.

Bob's character, being Lawful Good, did the only thing he could have morally done in the face of this wanton cannibalism.

Nothing.

As I said earlier, this was our first time playing and/or GMing but even the other newbies quirked an eyebrow at that, asking the man why he wasn't putting a stop to such horrible things.

Bob's response was, and I quote, "It's his culture, who am I to interfere?"

This was met with much shrugging of shoulders and funny looks but, no one wanting to rock the boat yet, continued on.

(more in a bit)

>>54545798

The campaign continued into book 2 with the players building a kingdom where the Undead Bloodline sorcerer continued his streak of grumpy dickery, Manflayer The Snuggie crafter performing ever more depraved acts, and getting small bonuses from it, while Bob declared himself the Warden and styled himself after Batman...despite the fact that he remained non-confrontational with his red skinned, people eating comrade while a miriade of other people came and went due to me not learning to say no (we once had 8 players at a session once.)

Eventually, summer came to an end and, following the death of one of the main players, we shelved the campaign, good times and a memorable, if not necessarily great, start to our role-playing careers


They days dragged on and, eventually, another buddy of mine figured that we should begin a new campaign during the spring with him running

Cue Deathwatch

This campaign was my friend (Undead Sorcerer), Manflayer The Snuggie Wearer's player, Bob, and I all involved, along with some other kid they found out of no where

New rules were learned, dice were rolled, and fun was had...except for a few odd things that Bob's player did

The first thing was Bob's irrational dislike of New Kid the forgettable, his character always letting slip little slights against him and doing his best to kick him while he was down

No one knew what was happening to bring this on but, eventually, New Kid left for reasons I forget, ending the issue before it got too grating

Issue two was a problem that would come to bite us in the ass many years later, Bob's seeming inability to understand that missiles explode, hurting everyone nearby

There was many a time where we would have to remind the player before he shot that, yes, his missile WOULD hurt the apothecary locked in close combat with the giant bug man

Everytime he was told this, he would frown, pick a new target, and wait for his turn to come again so he could try to shoot the medic (me) again

>>54545925
Thing number three, that we would come to realize, was Bob's inability to focus.

Whether through indifference, ADD, or some other sort of excuse, Bob would not pay attention when something was happening that did not involve him, walking about the room and meandering about while roleplay/other turns of combat happened.

This was irritating and, unfortunately, carried over from this campaign into the next one, my friend who ran Deathwatch starting up Carrion Crown (Pathfinder again) with Me, Human-Sunggie the Flayer, and another friend of ours playing alongside Bob.

Here Bob's inability to pay attention reared its ugly head in full force with him walking about and refusing to pay attention while his "Holy Gun" (A paladin with a gun) did what he did best, shoot stuff.

For a while, things were OK, although Bob had an infuriating inability to even attempt to learn the rules despite the fact that they were free online.

"What? I can always just roll my dice and look at Anon!" was always his response.

Roleplay was rather limited and Bob didn't do anything too terribly inoffensive until we had a fight well into book 2 of Carrion Crown.

In it, some ugly bug creatures that tried to fight our party (a bad idea) were cowering in fear and obvious surrender, leaving the fight.

Being the noble, caring soul that his vaguely Scottish paladin was supposed to be, Bob did the only logical thing he could.

Summary execution.

As you can probably expect, he fell.

The player was surprised at this, asked why, and, when it was explained to him, sunk into an air of indifference, seeing it as no real big deal outside of losing the ability to smite.

Sadly, or fortunately, we became unable to continue the campaign and returned to school until summer hit.

Loosed upon the world at large, I took up the mantel of GM again, snagged six friends of ours and, one of which was Bob, and began my second campaign which gave us three things.

>>54546050
The first thing was that 25 point buy is broken and I am a fool for ever letting it slide.

The second thing was Gorag Grimclaw, the full orc barbarian that dual wielded great clubs and had a heart of justice, a character we still remember fondly to this day.

Thing three was that Bob is a terrible spell caster.


Being the first time playing a cleric, Bob wasn't used to the whole concept of 'Spell selection', his choices being wild and varied as we'd, as of yet, really started cracking down on the 'Pick your spells for the day' thing about Non-sorcerer spell caster.

Sometimes he'd pick a buff that would help someone, othertimes he would pick a spell that he thought sounded nice but served no practical purpose at the moment.

One time he cast a spell (Visions of Hell) that cased the Good/Neutral members of the party to fall into a panic thanks to failed saves while the evil magma dragon ignored it due to being evil.

The next step of this plan, once he saw how poorly is was going, was to meld into stone and let the party give it a go while falling back.

Victory was achieved but there was quiet a bit of grumbling about this particular moment.

He didn't do much for the rest of the campaign that was notable except for continuing to learn the rules and whining about being unable to get a unit for his army (I was allowing them to be generals) despite it being many levels higher than he himself was.

He saw no flaw in the logic of getting a stronger creature than him to be in the army.

The next few campaigns he continued a trend that quickly became annoying for all involved as we kept bringing him in due to our group being small.

First, He never learned any rules of any game be it for character creation, making attacks, and the line.

Even when it was his third or fourth campaign he would still ask what he was supposed to do or what class abilities did what, reiterating his mantra of "Roll Dice, look at Anon" as an excuse.

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>>54497885

>>54546172
Second, his habit of not paying attention when it didn't involve him grew worse to the point when, in an online campaign, he charged into a pitch black room without any light source in it or with him (I warned him multiple times before hand) which caused the other players to follow him to try and save him (still no light) and for all of them to die at level one due to the creature having Dark Vision.

I actually had to end the campaign there because of that moment and him blaming ME for the entire series of events.

Thing three, and this can honestly just be more of an annoyance, was his characters being either lack luster or blatantly stolen.

In one horror campaign, he made an Blade Ripoff using the Inquisitor Class and a Damphir...Except it had no personality and tried to sleep upside down in the tavern.

Two other characters he tried to make were a NOT!Radaghast and a Not!Thoren Oaken-shield around the time that the third hobbit movie came out.

He made a dwarf fighter out of Thoren anyway, scrapping the background, but that campaign had to end later on when he tried to purposefully land on the kitsune ranger (who was played less weeb than one would expect) who'd fallen down a pit.

It did not go over well.


All of this together had made the group fed up with Bob but, due to a lack of other people, we still kept bringing him out.

We did two Only War campaigns (with me as GM) and while things went fine in the second campaign (a bear cavalry one), the first one had Bob doing what he did best.

Playing a bad character.

>>54546312
See, by now I'd realized something about Bob's characters.

There was no character.

He would try to make them look like blade, try to make them be a lawful good angelic batman or, as was this case, try to make a charasmatic sergeant that looked out for his men but, once you got down to it, there was nothing there.

He'd chime in with lines every now and then, would put fourth ideas and try and go with a theme but, ultimately, his characters felt more like NPCs then our NPCs did, the characters putting on the clothes of other things but failing to actually have any flavor or consistency over the course of the campaigns.

In fact, his Sergeant in Only War only displayed any real character when hating the groups Commissar, for reasons of being a commissar, and trying to shoot him after a mission gone to shit.

The problem was that he tried to perform this sudden betrayal infront of an inquisitorial group that was going to isolate the soldiers after what they'd seen down in the sewers, earning said Sergeant an ignominious death to hell rifles.

His other characters after this, including an illiterate priest in the Bear Campaign, were steps up and gave the rest of us hope.


Until IT happened.


It was my go at Deathwatch and things were going well.

The party was being challenged, fights were hard and excitement was had.

Bob had even lost a chunk of his face to a plasma rifle, something that did not make him all that much happy due to losing the nice aesthetics.

The party had just lost the NPC techpriest/medic due to him holding the line so that another character with important data could make it back to the gunship and they were all being sent down with an apothecary to free a hive from some nasty old rebels.

See, this Hive was self-sufficient to a surprising degree, a holdover from the Dark Age of Technology with a city spanning Void Shield, massive hydroponics to grow their own food, and a massive manufactorum that made artillary.

LOTS of artillary

>>54546378

There were also a shit ton of Anti-Air guns that would blast any drop pod or drop ship that tried to get in, forcing them to somehow get in on the ground.

Landing down in the imperial camp, the party met with the local commanders and prepared a plan of attack to get them inside through a method that would also let them get the rest of the army in.

Bob, an Angel of Death whom the commanders had pinned their hopes on, came up with some brilliant tactical advice.

"If we run up to them, get them to chase us, and then run away, they'll come out and we can beat them!"

The looks that the other players and the commanders gave this man was less then Stellar, a full ten minute discussion ensuing as I and the rest of the party had to explain why such a thing wouldn't work.

Eventually he was convinced and the players made their way stealthily into the city, knocking out guns and breaking open the gates so that the guard outside could swarm in.

Things were going just fine until the squad ran into the real reason why this place had held for so long.

Chaos Marines.

A fight in some ruins ensued and, while three other members fought in another ruined house, the Apothecary and Bob were fighting a raptor when the apothecary was tackled to the ground outside the house by said raptor, slamming onto his back in the ground with his foe on top.

Things were looking pretty dire and Bob was going over his options until he found a discarded weapon nearby from a rebel heavy weapons team.

A missile launcher.

Bob grabbed it, aimed at where the raptor and NPC apothecary wrestled, and fired a Krak Missile (anti-armor) right into the duo.

The raptor jetted away and the apothecary, obviously, did not, dying in the blast.

Being an online game, I was unsurprised when a little text box popped from containing me and the other players titled "WTF just happened?"

Things fell apart from there.

>>54546505
The party asked why Bob had done what he did and the answers where either noncommittal or "Well, I thought Anon would let him live!"

Confusion reigned and the party was frustrated a Bob.

In such a situation where Bob had deliberately killed a Battle Brother, he did the only thing he could do.

Rip something off.

Way back at the climax of my friends Deathwatch Campaign, the NPC marine we had turned out to be a traitor as his entire chapter, which had a beef with the inquisition, went traitor and attacked a watch outpost.

It was a nice culmination to the story and one that, considering it was his first time GMing, wasn't all that bad.


Bob sent me a private message, and asked if he could pretend that the reason why he did this entire fiasco was so he could be a secret traitor.

He had not shown any interest in such a plot point at ANY point until now.

"You can do whatever you want, I'm not responsible for what happens."

That was the only thing I gave him as the mess drew to a close.

He met up with the party, they asked him two questions and he tried to shoot them with a pistol.

They shot him with a heavy bolter and he died.

THAT moment was the moment I quit GMing for two whole years and the last moment we had Bob as a player.

I don't hate the guy and I still to this day like hanging out with Bob however I am under no illusions that he should be kept as far away from an RPG as possible.

He is, honestly, better set for the world of Vidya Games where his choices are presented on a platter he can choose from, where the outcome is always in his benefit no matter the choice.

He needs to be railroaded because, if he doesn't, he makes a Blade rip off that sleeps upside down on the ceiling or shoots a rocket at the apothecary and is surprised when splash damage occurs.


That is the tale of Bob, its probably not all that exciting but I figured that I'd eat up a few posts with it anyway.

>>54546615
>tumblr spacing
just kys

>>54546821
I type the way I type.

Personally, I blame years of being taught to double space.

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>>54520293

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>>54521826
How does an impatient dingus such as yourself get into something like pen and paper rpgs?

>>54536831
>5 NPC prostitutes to our party, each named after our mothers (GM included).
This is the funniest thing I read today.

>>54493656
>I became a GM for a second, and looked at all the sheets to see where all this was coming from, and the GMs all had random unexplained bonuses, 3pp shit (had to be approved by a GM, how convenient! Too bad they never told the players said items were allowed.), and huge amounts of unexplained money. I laughed, then left.
sigh, you did right to leave... But it still would've been fun to then use your newfound GM status to bring about a day of reckoning to strip them and the whole setting of their utter bullshit, and drink of their teers as you do so.

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>DM flourishes and spins the monster mini, staring you down with a huge grin on his face
>It's now staring directly at your character

>>54519798
>LOL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, KILL ME?
see for me, I'd be playing the GM and probably would have spoken up to that with "I'll allow it".

>>54538706
>GM wants to make a postapocaliptic modern world in where an alliance of demons and devils have conquered our dimension
I'm learning from reading these that anytime a gm introduces demonic entities that aren't cruel, capricious, and/or unambiguously evil, it's a sure sign that the GM is a shithead and the campaign is strait-up going to suck.

>>54548058
That ain't me, I'm the one he was responding to. If only for the sake of the other innocent players I'm not sure I agree, it's better to have just ended everything there as opposed to dragging it out just for spite.

>>54548477
...Fair enough...

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>>54493049
>DM forcibly inserts a character into my solid, but dynamic backstory
>in my backstory I emphasized his attachment to his little sister only since they were orphans
>"ok but now you have a childhood friend who turned evil"
>don't take it well at first, but roll with it, she'd basically be family at this point then
>she does some really terrible shit, but my character considers her family now that he knows and makes every attempt he can to change her
>every encounter I have with her, I am making genuine attempts to stop being evil, I actually make progress
>She ends up being captured by our group, and we leave her with a group of wizards who have been sort of helping us
>tell the wizards (which of a PC turned DMPC) what I'm trying to do and they promise to keep her alive and talk some sense into her until we come back
>go attempt to finish the campaign
>campaign is ending, everything is basically exploding
>wizards tell me they sold her as a sex slave to pirates like 15 minutes before we got back
>too shocked to just murder wizard everyone in the room
>go to pirates and buy her back
>instead of coming with us, the DM says that she ignores my character and walks into an explosion

yeah, that'll teach me to care about characters you make, right?

>>54548645
I'll take "What was even the point" for 500 Alex.

>>54546615
At least you had the stones to kick that player out from your campaign

>>54548926
that was the entire campaign desu

>>54536845
>>54536860
Wow, you guys suck for letting that happen. Sucks the DM has to put up with your collective ADD random shit.

>>54493049
I saw an example from the perspective of the GM of a game.
In one session Of Rogue Trader I slipped a note to one of the players (the Rogue Trader) from one of his informants informing him that the Inquisition had arranged to capture the psyker of the group (as he was suspected of murdering an Inquisition member). I expected the captain to immediately reveal this information and work out a plan to get his psyker off the planet without drawing Inquisition attention. Instead he deliberately withheld the information and led the psyker straight into the ambush, because he was convinced he could talk the Inquisition out of it.

This 'masterful' plan of his resulted in the psychic PC being killed, and a second PC being marked for death for opening fire on the Inquisitorial hit squad.

>>54548338
Where does it say there that the demons aren't crule, capricious or evil?

This story isn't necessarily a that GM or that player story, more of a that PC story.

>First time running a game, grab a premade adventure for dnd 5e called Mad Manor of Astabar
>party consists of some friends who've all played before, got a paladin, a monk, a bard and a warlock
>reconnect with old friend from highschool, he wants to play as well
>rolls up a ranger
>After some introductions and light roleplaying party arrives at the mad manor
>Rhino appears from the tall grass and begins threatening to charge party
>the ranger, known as the Guyrange considers running in the manor and locking the rest of the party outside with the rhino
>Decides against it and they kill the rhino instead before heading inside
>party makes its way through the manor, with the Guyrange suggesting or doing slightly insane things throughout
>party finally makes it to the attic, where the cause of the manors problem is revealed to be a wand of wonder
>there is a 10x10 portal to the ethereal plane directly in front of the wand
>everyone begins running one by one towards the wand and disappearing
>except for the guyrange who now decides that doing something insane would be a bad idea
>walks around the edge of the room and takes the wand, bringing the rest of the party back into reality

That isn't even the end of the Guyrange's madness. Cont.

>>54550543
>after the mad manor, party goes on another adventure but the guyrange wasn't present so I'll leave that one out
>third adventure, this one I wrote myself
>party receives word from a local paladin temple which worships the same god as the party's paladin
>temple's bookkeeper has seen many suspicious people watching the temple from afar and would like party to investigate
>it was at around this time the guyrange decided he was a notorious womanizer, hits on the bookkeeper and every other woman he meets
>actually succeeds on one of them, she gives him her address
>guyrange turns to the rest of the party and tells them he's not actually going to see her, he just wanted to get his confidence up
>party eventually uncovers that the people watching the temple are followers of vecna, finds out that one of the higher up paladins has been corrupted and he's been letting them into the temple's crypts to complete their evil deeds.
>Party puts a stop to this, takes his (cursed) sword

This one was mostly tame, which surprised me a lot.

Cont.

>>54550612
>after this, the party finds a notice asking for adventurers to deal with some problems the local guard has been having and they pay well
>bandits have been attacking the town and they want some adventurers to deal with it
>party searches forest, and finds a destroyed bandit camp with one left alive who explains they were attacked by another group of adventurers
>party returns to guards, and meets the adventurers who dealt with the bandits
>party's monk is named jonathan joestone, has an enemy called schmio brando
>guyrange walks up to schmio and pins him against the wall demanding his money in front of the guard captain
>schmio tells him to get off him
>guyrange lets go and schmio leaves, tells him to have a good day
>later that night, an assassin breaks in
>party wakes up and subdues them, assassin was sent by the monk's aunt and uncle
>party travels to aunt and uncle's manor
>after some investigation, they discover a cultist of vecna has been staying at their manor working with them.
>as she leaves the manor, guyrange runs out after her and declares his undying love
>party kills her while the guyrange sobs

Cont.

>>54550671
This is where the guyrange really starts being a little shit
>bard's family has been captured by the cult in an effort to get the party to fuck off
>they murder the cultist who came to town to warn them of this and head to castle where his family are
>party moves through castle and falls in a pitfall trap leading to a small maze like area full of carrion crawlers
>guyrange points out the party should stick together because this place is dangerous
>seconds later he moves his token to the end of the hall and gets attacked
>licks carrion crawler and is paralysed and dragged off into a tunnel
>paladin and monk let out audible sigh and crawl in after him while the bard and warlock wait outside
>while paladin and monk rescue guyrange the warlock and bard are attacked by more carrion crawlers and get dragged off
>party manages to get back together with no deaths and finds the way out of the carrion trap
>much later on in the castle keep, party walks into bare room with an amulet placed on a pedestal
>guyrange immediately takes the amulet and puts it on, becoming cursed

>>54550721
>a few sessions later, the bard and warlock get killed and roll up new characters, a barbarian and a cleric
>party discovers that the cult has been hiding amongst the nearby city's dock workers, shipping cursed items in and out of the area
>party is asking questions about the above at a local tavern when a succubus disguised as a normal woman comes over and begins doting on the guyrange
>i makes it incredibly obvious that she's a succubus, or so I thought
>a little while in she kills the guyrange and the party finds his body in an alleyway
>cleric sighs and resurrects him
>they hunt down succubus and kill her
>guyrange begins mourning the loss of his one true love
>party then puts a stop to cult's cursed item trafficking

>>54501752
Sounds like a stupid campaign and you're stupid for going 7 times

>>54550757
>with all the money they've made, party wants to return to the mad manor from the first session and renovate it and live there
>during renovation they receive notice from relatives of astabar, insisting manor is theirs and party is invited to court
>party goes to court and wins ownership of the manor with the relatives of astabar leaving in anger
>few weeks later, guards request party's help in investigating suspicious goings on in the relative's own manor
>party discovers the manor's guards acting strangely and a maid hiding in the bathroom says the other servants have been dragged away in to the basement
>party finds the manor's vault, guarded by a man calling himself "the wall"
>guyrange and the monk make it their life goal to get past the wall
>they construct a plan involving the guyrange vomiting on the wall to distract him while the monk sneaks past and opens the door
>it doesn't work
>party asks more about the wall, he says he's been hired to guard the room for x amount of time
>party decides to leave and return when his contract is up
>heads downstairs to the basement, discovers a lot of devils hanging around
>guyrange loses an arm to them
>finally in the deepest part of the basement, party discovers a large portal leading to hell
>i was so convinced the guyrange would leap into the portal i wrote exactly what would happen if he did
>simply put he would get murdered by a pit fiend
>thankly he didn't actually go into the portal
>party deals with the devils outside the portal and closes it and bring astabar's relatives to justice

cont

>>54550825
>party returns months? later to discover that the wall is still guarding the vault
>finally on the last day of his contract the wall takes his payment from the vault and leaves

>party crowds in the vault and takes everything

>after several sessions of crazy shit that isn't major enough to write about we arrive at the most recent session
>party learns of the return of the fearsome bandit king
>his men are attacking a local town, party rushes to stop them and gain some information
>one of the bandits is (and I regret doing this) using a deck of many things offensively
>he pulls a card, skull. starts getting attacked by the grim reaper
>monk runs over and pushes the deck of many things bandit over
>guyrange runs over and pulls a card and gets the fates
>wishes he never got the curse from the castle
the amulet, which he was wearing this entire time drops from his neck to the ground
>guyrange's player realizes that the guyrange would lose interest in the quest unless death was staring the party in the face and uses an arrow to pick up the amulet and fires the amulet at another party member in an attempt to curse them instead
>party deals with bandits and cleric picks up the amulet and gains the curse from the amulet
>Now refuses to heal the guyrange for being a little shit
>guyrange later gets killed by more bandits and the cleric reluctantly resurrects him
>eventually the party finds their to the bandit kings hideout in the forest
>party begins speaking to bandit king and the guyrange seems to be considering joining them and betraying the party
>clarifies he wants the entire party to join forces with bandit king
>bandit king tells him to fuck off and the guyrange offers an ultimatum, join forces with them or they all die
>party murders bandit king and his men

>one party member later tells me they were legitimately worried the guyrange would betray them

>>54550892
And thats the most recent session. If anyone enjoyed this I'll keep posting what happens.

Though I will say that I love the Guyrange, and so does the rest of the group. The PCs only tolerate him because he's a pretty good ranger.

>>54548944
Kinda had to.

It go to the point where he was a negative impact on any campaign due to his lack of role-playing skills.

Nice guy but terrible at RPGs

>First time playing 3.5, some odd 15 years ago. Only experience with DnD was with Crpgs and a bit of second edition
>Roll a paladin because paladins are awesome and I didn't know or care about tiers back then. Still think it's bullshit for 90 percent of groups
>DM doesn't have a problem with me, though I had a nagging suspicion since he's a hardcore atheist irl that it will be a problem
>Play my character as just and proud, soemwhat like Keldorn from BG2 minus the cucking
>DM constantly tries to make bullshit things that kind of embarass my character
>Can't talk to anyone who doesn't think I have a stick up my ass for being holier than thou
>Even peasants seem to stay away from me
>Get bored with that approach real soon
>It culminates when every peasant my 18 charisma 16 wisdom paladin meets is a fucking philosopher of the highest order that fights me on everything regarding justice, and code of conduct (was follower of Helm)
>Some fat barkeep in the middle of buttfuck nowhere would go and challenge my beliefs as well which kind of pissed me off as well
>It went on until we stopped playing

The highlight was when we were put in a situation where our rogue did some stupid shit and tried to steal a Mcguffin from a woman that registered on my senses as evil and a woman we had suspicions was a leader of a slave trade but had no proof. Apparently because I did not stop said rogue from extorting evidence I should fall. Even worse when that rogue ended up dead (bungled up said solo mission) I was chastised because I was pissed a good friend and a party member was dead and was ready to pursue retribution.

>>54539293
Fuck it.

If what you wrote wasn't bullshit fiction, you get up, come to DM's home and clock him in the face.

Tell him some faggots from the internet told you to do it.

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>>54526862
This is like the holy REVERSAL of a nightmare I had as a very young child, recently potty trained.

For some reason, I feared that dracula would rise out of the toilet bowel and bite my ass as I was trying to take a crap.

This is like Jesus' revenge on the Dracula nightmare or something, man...

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>>54493307
Drop the group. Like no question man just bail. At least until amother gm steps up. Like nothing is worth that level of horseshit.
>another dmpc solved it
At that point you are just an extra in his storybook

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>>54497885
As a gm id ask for an alignment check but that's about it.

You fuck with someone enough eventually you get fucked with back.

Also
>mfw a martial class ever wants to keep messing with a caster.
It's never good for your long term health.

>>54545798
Bob's behavior here sounds justified, though for the wrong reasons. The "It's either him or me" scenarios that stem from paladins vs. party member with evil habits are rarely fun to play out.

Anyway, I'm surprised you let him play for so long. Good thing you got rid of him without losing him as an acquaintance.

>>54548645
FOR_WHAT_PVRPOSE.tapestry

>>54546821
>cries like a bitch about nothing
just kys

>>54493049
Had a character, a Town Watchman with a longbow who befriended and owed a favour to an adventurer who rolled through town once.

The Adventurerer calls in the favour, suspicious happenings in a town a few days over, knows my guy to be good with this sort of thing so wants me to come give him a hand. Booking time off his duties as a watch tower archer, and heads over finding the city under attack by kobolds and a dragon swooping over head. Putting his experience to work he pushes forward to help calm the citizens and organise an evacuation to safer locales.

The game expands out into the campaign and Mr. Town Guard gets strung along in this life, trying to be the voice of reason amoungst murder hobos. Didn't really gel with the other party members, for example we captured a merc leader working with the cult. I wanted to interrogate, rough him up and have him dragged back to the city in ropes to be jailed for his crimes. The party wanted to behead him with a blunt axe and piss down his throat hole for jollies. We were in agreement to jail him, until the combat after the Barbarian wanted to scout up ahead, and then said "Okay, once I'm out of eyesight of the group, I start sprinting back around towards camp, cut his head off and piss down his throat.".

So when the game further shifts from "Tracking the Cult." to "Prepare for War." I think Guardsman has had enough of babysitting murderhobos, and would want to travel home to defend his own homestead, town and family from the encroaching war, then I can make a character that will better support the murder-hobo lifestyle of the group.

Then in the first session back, the GM rolls out "While you're preparing for a council meeting, a harper agent comes running up the stairs with something clutched in his hands. He shows you a broken bow and a guardsmans bloodied tabard and a cult dagger. It seems he was ambushed by cult assassins on his way home, and he was only two days from retirement XD!"