40k storytime thread

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>>54481313

>come onto /tg/ to escape my pain
>run into picture that captures my pain

just gonna repost from /40krpg/
>mission starts with all of us dropping from a valkyrie using grav chutes
>4/6 people fail their tests and slam into the ground arm/face first
>a while later a small combat piece
>1 group of enemies rolls better initiative than anyone in our squad, but both their weapons jam
>then our lieutenant's weapon jams
>then I miss with a 94, emperor bless Reliable weapons
>enemies can't hit me because a ratling in a chameleoline cloak is -40 to hit all the time
>get through the combat, our gunner just ripping people in half with his heavy stubber, me sniping people's heads off, and our shotgun demolitionist fucking one guy up
>gotta find water now
>trek through the mountains
>spot some water
>squad commander is climbing up a wall to a place where some rainwater collected
>gets us water, throws it all down
>starts climbing down
>slips and starts falling
>fails a roll to catch another ledge
>our gunner jumps with a grav chute trying to catch him
>fails, has to catch a ledge to avoid falling, succeds
>fuck it, the idea is good, but not the execution
>ratling to the rescue
>roll perception well to notice the gunner failing
>roll shit on agility for grav chute
>ARE YOU READY FOR A MIRACLE
>spend fate to reroll
>second roll goes well
>now have to roll strength to actually grab the lieutenant
>fail
>ARE YOU READY FOR A MIRACLE
>spend my last fate to reroll
>roll well, slam the commander into the wall to stop him from falling
>grab him by his hand and lift him up
>he's down to exactly 0 wounds
>we still haven't contacted command

>>54480295

I watched two drunks play IG vs Nids at 1am 2 nights ago.

3 giant nids VS shadowsword, a leeman russ, conscripts, guardsmen, a few heavy weapons teams, and a couple of artillery pieces.

I don't know who won because I watched for an hour then fell asleep.

last bump

stories please!

This was my first time playing Dark Heresy ever
>Party consists of two guardsmen, a desperado, and a psyker.
>We had found condemning evidence that a local noble matriarch has been committing heresy in secret.
>Arrive at their mansion with official papers for her arrest
>Escorted into the main hall by a beefy body guard
>She is sitting at a throne, with at least 6 of her guards
>Inform her that she is a fucking heretic and that she is coming with us
>She speaks her filthy heretical lies about the Emperor being dead and that it was time for man to rise and then orders he guards to kill us
>I give a rousing speech to the guards to stay their blades and stay true to the emperor
>Manage to convince two guards to fight for justice
>One that we convinced uses his power maul and viciously attacks a guard near him
>One of our guardsmen takes a brutal slice and begins bleeding out
>I manage to stop the bleeding barely
>The guards that I convinced are turning the fight and it looks like it will go our way
>I approach the matriarch in an effort to arrest her
>Turns out shes a Psyker and disables me
>Goes to take me out and triggers warp phenomena, then perils of the warp
>100
>She is ripped from the materium screaming and is replaced with a daemon
>During this, a new combatant enters wielding a stormbolter, shoots and absolutely destroys one of the guards that I convinced
>The other one charges at him, crits and detonates all ammunition around him
>We manage to shoot the daemons legs to where it couldnt move
>Proceed to cheese it with las fire until it dies
>Posthumously award the first guard killed with the name of Juice, and the other guard B.A.

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>running DH2E
>small warband, assassin & heretek plus guardswoman guide
>running them through ship to free trapped guard regiment
>they encounter hereteks buddy from previous jailbreak session
>he's not too great right now, but plan on making him recurring bro
>players arrive at final objective
>HOLD THE LINE
>players take defensive positions
>buddy tries to take cover
>trips and takes fall damage
>assassin and other guardsmen exchange looks
>heretek just walks up and BLAMS! his fucking brains out

What the fuck Vic?

>First time DW, GM is running the premade module that came with the GM screen
>Play zealous IF Tact marine Heinrich
>Obv squad leader
>Dropping into a warzone, IG compound attacked by Tau
>Reaching the ground, cry out to rally the fading morale of the IG
>Try to burst-fire into a horde
>Weapon jam
>Clear the jam in my gun, try to burst-fire the horde again
(we hadn't yet looked to see if errata was there, so wanted all the bang for my buck)
>Miss every single time until combat is over
>Meanwhile
>BA Librarian tries to smite with overwhelming power
>Perils of the Warp
>All the food within x km is spoiled and/or rotten

The whole mission was something of a shitshow, me missing most of my shots with a BS of 46, and the Librarian pushing every time he tried using a warp power, triggering perils of the warp every time except once, even ending up giving me 3 corruption points during the final boss battle, and rolling a 100 on the last PotW roll (I said that he could use one of his fate points to reroll, which GM allowed, though I have to recheck if that's an actually legal way to use fate points)

Shame the ride stopped about a year ago, roughly 6 sessions in, standing on top of a mountain of corpses in the shape of the sigil of Khorne, calling in immediate evac and requesting Exterminatus on the rebellious prison world we were on

>>54480295
Tau lack noses...

>>54487396 thanks

>>54488978
I like your inquisitor, he actually sent some disposable assets in to check the planet first instead of skipping to exterminatus.

>>54489511
In universe the artist probably didn't know. Out of universe the artist probably didn't care.