ITT: Opening lines to an evening newscast in Commorragh

>>54420127

"GOSH, STEVE, I SURE LOVE DRUGS"

"Tonight's top story: Haemonculi working conditions - are they harsh enough?

Joining me via pict stream is Master Flayer Moloki. Master Flayer, your thoughts?"

*Desperate screaming in background*

"It's happening again."

>Hot fashion these week! Top-knots on top of top-knots

>Haemonculi dies in his sleep late last night - claims he never felt better this morning.
>Two assassins attempt to assassinate a prominent Dark Eldar official, when it turns out that one assassin was attempting to get the bounty on the other!
>What your young Dark Eldar need to know about gangs and soulstones.

>>54420127
7 1/2 minutes of high pitched electronic screeching
Gotta pay for the news somehow

>15 secret tips to capturing slaves that humans don't want you to know (so we tortured them out of them)

>>54420127
>It's the wyching hour, do you know where your children are?
>Here's a hint, it's the pit of razorblades.

>>54420127
"WELCOME BACK TO THE CANAM CABAL RADIO, TODAY WE WILL EAT THE LEFT LEG OF EVERY CHILD IN THIS ORPHANAGE"
*whispers*"
"IT APPEARS WE ARE A HOLO-SHOW NOW. EVEN BETTER."

What do Dark Eldar use for Grotesques? Other Dark eldar? Eldar in general? Humans? Space Marines?

Do they use pieces of various races?

Like throw in a necron skeleton with space marine bio-augments and some tyranid parts and some scary cybernetics and technology all onto an eldar victim?

>>54420780
Yes.
Grotesques are not standardized, so anything works. It's better if it's sentient and has a capacity for fear and suffering, but that's about it.

>>54420780
Think of it like metal sub-genres, to everyone else there is basically no differance but the fanatics will endlessly debate the tiniest of differences for some reason

>>54420780
Is it alive? [X]
Can it feel fear, pain and other such emotions? [X]
Is it sentient? [X]
If you put an X in any of these it can be a Grotesque.

File: colin.jpg (4KB, 265x190px) Image search: [Google]

4KB, 265x190px

>>54420127
"Welcome to the 6 o'clock news, I'm your anchor, Colin the Marines.
Tonight's top story: Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, dead at 53. Over Barcelona today, the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eyewitnesses report, that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane."

NEWS JUST IN FROM TERRA:
MASTER OF MANKIND GOD-EMPEROR IS STILL DEAD

File: 1408279368353.png (15KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 500x500px

>>54420894

>>54420780
Tau are a popular choice since they volunteer for the proccess

>>54420461
>Number 13 will shock you!

>>54420127
"This just in, everything is terrible, and thats just fine!"

File: Image1.jpg (47KB, 560x632px) Image search: [Google]

47KB, 560x632px

>>54422211
It certainly gave them a good jolt.

>>54420127
Tonight's top story: Conjunction Junction, What's Your Function?

>>54422558
What happened to that dude?

>>54422585
Its probably makeup.

File: lightning.jpg (252KB, 1870x1870px) Image search: [Google]

252KB, 1870x1870px

>>54422585
A rather shocking thing.

>>54420127
Less and less raped corpses on city streets. Have our society lost it's traditional values?

>>54420127
>Is breaking of limbs and stitching them back on in naughty places passe?
>We'll have the scoop as we investigate the latest youth trends

>>54420127
>Tonight's Story

>Renegade Kalabite Ayyyar'den holds up a school of children, and didn't rape any of the child hostages!

File: Morathi Total Warhammer.jpg (348KB, 1000x1414px) Image search: [Google]

348KB, 1000x1414px

Morathi for weather report.

>>54420127
"WE MUST WARN YOU, THIS NEXT STORY MAY BE... OFFENSIVE FOR SOME VIEWERS"
"TWO WYCHES WERE CAUGHT HOLDING HANDS TODAY..."

>>54420127
"SO I STABBED THE FUCKER AND TOOK HIS HUMANITY! BACK TO YOU CARLA."

>>54422607
>Less and less raped corpses on city streets. Have our society lost it's traditional values?

>Less and less
It's "fewer and fewer". Less = uncountable nouns (less blood), fewer = countable nouns (fewer canisters of blood).

>it's
should be "its" for the possessive form of "it" (our society's values). The way you wrote it says "Has our society lost it is traditional values".

Last nights performance of the classic romantic play 'Lust on the Corpse-Strewn Battlefield' left 17 members of the audience dead or in hospital, critics have it 4 blades out of 5

"IS YOUR CHILD NOT DOING DRUGS? THE SHOCKING STATISTICS AND WHAT SIGNS YOU SHOULD BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR!"

>>54420127
"Commorragh; It's cold, it's dank, it's scary, it's just like my ex-wife!"

>"Going out on a raid? Here's some suggestion for choice slaves if you happen to be on these planets!"

>"Getting a bit bored with the usual torture of your slaves? Here's a few tips from Hamonculi Kulandis on how to spice up your routine."

>"Top Story of the night, the fans decide to get rowdy after a heated combat against a newly acquired space marine. The local Kabal says it's been one of the best nights that week."

>>54420127
something like ths:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7jfsfGnmaA

>>54420864
Fuck you, Speed is way better than Black.

Coming up next, how to get the most out of your Tau sex slave's forehead vagina!

>>54422661
Absolutely fucking disgraceful, where have our traditional values gone?!?

>>54422824
>Dark Eldar go so far the taboos rolls over into puritanism

I hope this thread stays near the top for a few days, its one of the best I've seen in a while.

"And today's guest is Fabius Bile, returning to us to talk about his own method of dismembering a space marine, Followed by a demonstration"

And now the weather:

KHAINE'S GATE HATH CRACKED, THE WARP STORMS ASSAIL OUR HOMES, ALL IS RUIN with high humidity

>>54428177
It's just the media spinning what they want. Sure, he didn't rape any of them but you should have seen the skin acid etching, the madman's a complete artist with such things.

>>54422731
EVENING SKIES ARE RAINING BLOOD!

>>54422731
Mods better make her topless or I'll rage.

>>54428696
Merely topless? How...uninspired. Now, sat upon a reving chainsword, that is creativity.

>>54420127
"THEY'RE PUTTING DRUGS IN THE CANALS THAT ARE TURNING THE FRICKIN' MANDRAKES STRAIGHT"

"DRAZHAR IS ARHRA WAKE UP MON-KEIGH!"

>>54429102
Because her original model was topless. Sadly they covered her up because can't make a 15+ game 18+.

>>54428652
IN ANOTHER ROUSING PERFORMANCE BY THE REAVERS FROM THE CULT OF STRIFE

>>54420127
"OI, AN' WELKOM TA KOMORRWAAAGH!!! FREEBOOTA RADIO, AND OI'M YOUR HOST, SHOUTA POINTAN'SHOOT!! TODAY, WE'S GOT A STORY: 'POINTY EARED GITS IS STILL MUKKIN ABOUT', BUT YOUSE KUNNIN' BUGGERS KNEW DAT WUN ALREADY.
TOON IN LATER WHEN WE'S GONNA 'AVE KOVRE... KOVER... OI'M GONNA SHOUT ABOUT DEM KULT O' SPEED BOYZ AS DEY RACE SOME DARK POINTY GITS! UNTIL DEN, WE'S GOT SOME ROKK MUSIK WIT' DA TURNING BOLDERS!"

Fuck it, we're doing it live.

>>54429883
>Radio Free WAAAGH!!! in Commorragh
I didn't know I wanted this, but now I do.

>>54430032
>implying even the DEldar can avoid having an ork infestation lurking around
I like the idea there's a Rokk just 'orbiting' the city in the webway constantly yelling shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvmQyzbOHFQ

Asdrubael Vect has been reappointed our leader after the deaths of all other candidates.

>>54430032
We need Radio Free WAAAGH!!! call in Commorragh One

>>54430149
That's why I love Commorragh so much. So much shit going on. Especially Sec Maegra, where even a xenos (by Eldar standards) can make it in the city. I love my bastard space-elf offspring of Shanghai/Singapore/Tortuga.

File: 1457647454582.png (12KB, 564x450px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 564x450px

>>54420780
>necron skeleton
You know those things phase out and return to the tombworld when they die, right?

>>54430522
Not all the time. Sometimes something can go wrong, like say if the Tomb World is destroyed.

Or hell, even if the Necrons are the best science in the galaxy, Dark Eldar make a close second at time. I imagine some Dark eldar haemonculi would find a way to bring home his own robo-skeltal.

The funniest shit about this thread is that given the lore of Commoragh, them having newscasts like this actually might happen.
Each Cabal would probably have it's own studio where they glorify their deeds beyond measure.
Biggest one would be basically Vect's little propaganda outfit.

>>54427400
>something like the worst thing ever

>>54430490
I wish that GW would bring more attention to Commoragh. Or at least allow for some sort of game to be set there or something.

>>54430772
Isn't it a tenant of 40k canon that everything is medieval and feudal in 40k? Eldar live like monks, Dark Eldar live like pirates, humans are like Dark Age technology even on hive worlds since they use manpower instead of engines and shit.

>>54428696
How can they? The clothes are part of the actual 3D model. You can't mod off the clothes without creating a whole new model, all new animation, and new textures.

>>54430832
Nah.
That applies mostly to just the Imperium.
The Eldar don't live like monks. They live in a post scarcity society. Their "monk like" aspect comes from the immense amount of control and dicipline they put to their lives in order to stop themselves from becoming utterly hedonistic muderfuckers like the Dark Eldar are. The thing to understand about the Eldar is that the Dark Eldar are far closer to the "natural" state of the Eldar than any other group, because the Dark Eldar do not restrict their behavior.

>>54430913
Wouldn't that be the Exodites?

>>54431114
Nah, the Exodites are basically amish. They restrict their behavior in various ways and live like primitives.

>>54420127
I'M COMING

>>54430854
You do realise they've made mods for current models in Warhammer Total war, right?

File: 1468594040950.jpg (695KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

695KB, 1920x1080px

>>54430854

>>54431174
Of course, it's live like primitives to us.

To the Eldar it's even more extreme, since they never had an industrial revolution or anything technical, and they just grew tools and buildings out of psychoplastics.

Compared to that, the exodites actually build things. They carve stone blocks out of a quarry, drag them long distances to pile on top of one another to make a house.

"Good evening, Commoragh, and prepare your anuses. It's the regular news update!"

>>54428024
Truth. Speed and Thrash are tied imo then Death, Black, Doom, Power, and all the other shite ones like Prog, Folk, or Math etc after that. Ida put Rap metal toward the top but thats really more of a offshoot from New York Hardcore crossover

>>54430832
>Tenant
Fucking migraine, making me fuck up.

>>54430913
Well, isn't being a monk more about discipline and control rather than actually living poor because you're poor? I guess that's what I thought of when I ssaid monks.

But regarding Comorragh, why would they even have TVs and entertainment programs like that? Literally all the fluff talks about arenas arenas arenas.

I feel like 99% of 40k non-battle fluff is really bad and underdeveloped. There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about, except for some glimpses you see in Ciaphas Cain.

>>54430854
What the fuck do you smoke anon?

>>54431643
>I feel like 99% of 40k non-battle fluff is really bad and underdeveloped. There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about

Just go read some 2000AD.

>>54430913
>>54431392
What do the Comorrites build their cities out of? It's not wraithbone, they have no psykers.

File: TauExpansion.jpg (135KB, 915x747px) Image search: [Google]

135KB, 915x747px

>>54430639
>Dark Eldar make a close second

"no"

>>54422824
>>54428204
In the Commorragh campaign I'm running, the PCs (all DEldar) came across a wych and an archon who were into disgusting displays of vanilla romance in private. The archon's now dead at the PCs hands, and they're wondering how best to blackmail "Vanilla Wych"

>>54430854
>new model
Just adapt the old one
>new animations
Same rig, so no
>new textures
Sure, but this is ez. We're probably not even talking 1024 here.

Even blender can handle this.

"I FUCKING LOVE COCAIN!"

>>54420127
https://youtu.be/C6NKG_0pUYs

When we come back, this warp beast was recently adopted and just LOOK how much he loves carcasses! Isn't he adorable, Ll'yllyeth?

>>54420127
"Great stuff, keep fucking that chicken!"
"I'll do that"

>>54431926
Tau tech is laughable when compared to Dark Eldar tech.

>>54430522
that sounds like a challenge any self-respecting dark eldar would be happy to accept

>>54431926
That's cute. Call when you can put black holes in a box and deliver them like a Khainemas present. Or weaponize matter found around black holes for your anti-tank. Or when you can make poisons that make 'nids shit themselves.

File: laughing whores.jpg (355KB, 446x400px) Image search: [Google]

355KB, 446x400px

>>54431926
>they still rely on "skimming" the warp

File: cute eldar.jpg (140KB, 721x900px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 721x900px

>>54433275
>"E-eldar aren't whores, m-m-mon'keigh"

I miss when muju and Luth would drawfag stuff like OP for us.

>>54433320
Yeah they are.

>>54420127
>Downtown is in flames tonight

Morathi SFM when?

>>54434241
"Ladies and gentleman, there you have it: Holy Terra is burning. The Adeptus Antipyronicus have their work cut out for them. Back to the Galactic Series, it's Imperial Fists 6, Ultramarines 1, bottom of the ninth, can the Ultras pull of a miracle?"

"Tonight, on the Life of Mon'keigh...

Where do they come from?

How do they live?

Why do they worship a corpse?

And a special for hardy xenophiles: the best ways one can satisfy you.

After Vect's pronouncement. Dont miss it."

>>54431643
>There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about
Eisenhorn and Ravenor trilogies.

Go check it out.

>>54430522
Not always. Most of the time they do, but if their tomb world is destroyed and/or they destroy the recall device inside the Necron (it's tiny, but it's there) then it can still be left lying around.

>>54431766
In the Path of the Dark Eldar series, it goes into that. They build it mostly out of space-metals that are worked and machined by slaves.

They actually can modify wraithbone to a limited degree, but since they have virtually no psychic ability whatsoever they can't shape or create it. They have to steal it from Craftworlds or the Webway, and they use it for all sorts of psycho-reactive horrors and small-scale doomsday devices.

>>54431926
Dude, Eldar tech is literally half-magic. They've had the same stuff for millions of years with minimal changes because they've basically advanced as far as a society can, and even the things they have now are a shell of what they once had.

While average Tau tech is better than most of its equivalents in other races, the Eldar, Necrons, and even the Imperium have crazy shit in the woodworks that can literally annihilate entire solar systems just for shits and giggles even without psyker bullshit.

The primary advantage the Tau have technologically is their ruthless innovative streak, and their willingness to rapidly adopt new tech as it develops with minimal testing and implement it throughout their entire empire.

>>54420127
Todays news headline.

Strange virus spreading east of Comorragh. Causes copulation in missionary position for purposes of procreation with lights dimmed. None hurt.

File: Vo8T4JE.png (262KB, 570x413px) Image search: [Google]

262KB, 570x413px

>>54420127
Basically 'Florida Man' but replace 'Florida' with 'Commorragh'

"And now results from the Arena. They are horrible today, no casualties in the audience"

>>54430813
You mean like Gangs of Commoragh?

>>54439805
That doesn't go into life in commoragh that much.

>>54422585
struck by lightning and lived

TONIGHT'S TOP STORY

MURDERFUCKING
IN YOUR HOME
IT DOESN'T EXIST

Joining me now is a state advisor on why this is happening.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH ONE PERSON RATHER THAN SPREAD THE PAIN? WE HAVE CONDENSED A TOP 10 TO BREAK FREE

>>54440633
Fair point. FFG did a Rogue Trader Supplement where you visited Commoragh. You could even play as a Dark Eldar.

I have no idea how Dark Eldar society can exsist. If theya re as retardedly evil as the fluff depicts them, their whole society must be crumbling around them. Technological advanced or not they still need accountants, city planner or even fucking plumber.

File: ancap4.jpg (127KB, 1403x1408px) Image search: [Google]

127KB, 1403x1408px

>>54441488
Dark Eldar society is basically ancapistan.

>>54441488
No they don't, they have magitech to fix that, and also slaves. Lots of slaves to do the boring shit.

>>54441532
The fucks a magitech for DE? And how fucking strange must it be for a space marine or tau slave to be delegated to... accounting duty, balancing the books so your Wyche Coven can afford space drugs next week?

>>54441608
Beats the shit out of pain engine fuel duty.

>>54441608
They're essentially post-scarcity. Slaves, biotech constructs, and machines do all the work. The only valuable physical commodity is slaves, and they can take it grow those whenever.
Hell, they even call the current time period the Age of Plenty.
The only thing they lack is lulz.

File: HWEEEELL.jpg (13KB, 270x187px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 270x187px

>>54431643
>I feel like 99% of 40k non-battle fluff is really bad and underdeveloped. There is no such thing as a normal life for anyone that gets written about, except for some glimpses you see in Ciaphas Cain.
You are clearly not very familiar with the novels.
Read some books that aren't about the marines anon.

File: LaRNV9HxjBfYsCbOlHdK9g_r.jpg (115KB, 750x537px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 750x537px

>>54420894

File: Sure is..gif (3MB, 300x252px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 300x252px

>>54431926
hahahahahahahahahaha
Try harder.

>>54436033
>>54441701
Eisenhorn and Ravenor have very little about a normal day in the life. The only time spent on Gudrun is when Eisenhorn pretends to be a merchant, and he spends some time on Thracian Primaris for the parade. While there are bits and pieces of what normal life is like shown there, it's kind of from a very specific viewpoint and doesn't really delve into detail. Plus, it's also for a much older version of the fluff, and the idea that you can just casually talk about foodstuffs being xenos-cultivated kind of puts it beyond ordinary Imperial life.

Ravenor is worse because most of the books are spent hunting down the Cognitae guy and the whole Slade mess. It just flashes by Imperial Life with brief descriptions of whatever planet or cover they've adopted.

Shira Calpurnia books are a little better, but again, it's really old and outdated, and while they do get into detail about certain characters normal everyday lives, it still doesn't match the footnotes on literature or the descriptions of cities in Ciaphas Cain.

>>54420127
"Tonights news: RAPE- and what you can do to commit it"

>>54421474
kek, that was a good story

>>54422956
>Tonight learn the best ways to flay anyone who attempts to correct you

>>54431926
Wtf? Everyone knows Necrons are top tier, but Dark Eldar are just behind them, with Eldar just behind them.

Imperiums top tier tech is usually better than the tau stuff, but tau are better are distributing and managing decent tech

>>54441811
What are you even talking about?

Necron tech is actually pretty shit because it's all material tech. The one thing that makes them superior is their ability to control time.

Dark Eldar tech is literally the shit they made up after they gave up their psychic powers and lost all the Craftworld tech. It's objectively inferior.

>>54441991
Call me back when Tau can steal stars for lulz.

>>54441608
You mean besides the afromented black hole jack-in-a-box? How about the poison/virus that turns organic tissue into 'glass'? Or anything the Haemonculi does? Or my personal favorite: Minic engines that are good enough to trick 'Necron' sensors.

Dark eldar are entirely post scarcity, they only inflict artificial lack of overwhelming luxury for everyone because a: the Eldar mind is a terrifying obsessive clusterfuck designed to make them love murdering shit almost as much as orkz do and

b: Because it would be really fucking boring for them if everyone had everything availible at all times.

>>54442006
But they can. All their fusion-powered weapons are literally tiny stars fueled by plasma captured from the stars their worlds orbit. And they're building a dyson sphere.

>>54442047
Actual stars. Though there probably is a cultural exchange program they could benefit from.

>>54442047
>transport stars from inhabited systems to another reality
>but pulse rifle
T'au f'ags, everyone.

>>54420127
Can Dark Eldar become Harlequins? If so, how the fuck do they overcome their pain addiction?

>>54442237
All Eldar can be any type of Eldar.
The pain 'addiction' is in large parts caused by the influence of Slaanesh, when Drew Carey is given a soulstone or another form of spiritual protection, it lessens to the point of being controllable with discipline. It's not easy for them, but they can become Harlequins, Exodites, Corsairs, or craftworlders if given the correct tools and training.

>>54442009
>the Eldar mind is a terrifying obsessive clusterfuck designed to make them love murdering shit almost as much as orkz do and

This is something that people who don't know much Eldar lore don't seem to realize.
The Eldar fucking LOVE killing shit. That is their bloody purpose. To kill shit and go into a murder obsessed mode where they just want to slaughter shit, because just like the orks, the Eldar are BIOWEAPONS made by the Old ones to fight against the Necrons.

The craftworld eldar seek to prevent that excessive murderlust via the path system, but even them sometimes fall to it's prey, in the form of Exarchs, who can't return to their civilian persona and are stuck to with their war face on, all the time.

>>54442308
So Tau and Humans are basically the only races capable of peace?

>>54442333
Elves are capable of peace, but it's a conscious effort. Newcrons might be. There's also a fuckload of minor xenos that aren't made to murderfuck everything.

>>54442333
Perhaps.
The only time Eldar enjoyed peace was when they were the dominant force of the galaxy and their automated war machines kept the lesser races (including humanity) in their place. This complacency and lack of ways of directing their obsessive minds in constructive ways led to increasing hedonism and excess that gave birth to Slaanesh.

>>54442333
>Humans
>capable of peace in the 41 millennium
pick one and only one

>>54442384
As a psychological level they could. But the imperial creed just doesn't want to.

>>54441991
Necron tech > Dark Eldar Tech > Craftworld Tech

>Necron tech is actually pretty shit
Wtf are you talking about, they've "finished science"

>>54442287
Damn, I cant find it but there is this pic of a wild human being found and then being raised into a proper girl even though its a guy. There needs to be something like that for a dark eldar.
>we found a wild eldar so we brought him to be educated
>first we gave it a soulstone and learned it to focus
>then we put it on a proper path
>you know it was a dark eldar right?
>yes and?

>>54442759
>cut forward six months to a freshly minted Scorpion exarch posing with a burning village in the background

>>54442308
Not just killing things though.

Eldar feel so many emotions at 200%, that it's easy to be hedonistic shitbags - like the dark eldar.

The path system limits a craftworlder to concentrating on a single emotion at a time, so that they can learn to deal with it. The problem becomes if they became too wrapped up in it, and can't leave the path or really deal with other emotions.

So warriors are focused on anger.
Artists focus on the creative urge.
Mariners deal with curiosity.
Traders with greed.
The Path of Service shows them how to be humble.
While The Path of Grief lets them mourn where others cannot.

Anyone can become trapped in their Path, such as exarchs, crystal seers, pathfinders (possibly), and bonesingers.

>>54442759
There's a character in Path of the Warrior who was a former Dark Eldar who swapped sides. He's forbidden to speak while he's learning the path, but he seems reasonably stable.

>>54442963
Well not 'just' killing things, but war, fighting, murder holds a certain sway over the eldar mind. It is after all what they were made to, and the old ones were nice enough to have them appriciate their purpose.
Its a rush, its a fantastic high and as stated they 'very' easily get obsessed with it.

The dark eldar are just stuck in a cycle, some Deldar act violently and psychotic becasue they are eldar, they affect others who in turn become equally violent and psychotic and in turn they 'infect' others with the behavior. The end result is Commoragh, and the exact same thing could happen on any craftworld, which is why they are so carefull and, dare I say, obsessive in their vigilance.

Its just like the pre-fall hedonism cults, except there is sort of a purpose behind it (refilling their souls).

>>54420127
"This is your new host..."

>>54431224
Firstly, it's I'M CUMMING.
Secondly, I concur.

>>54431766
It's mostly made from wraithbone, from back when they did have psykers, before the fall.
God knows what they build their new shit with though.

Eldar were a mistake

>>54435501
OHHHH, and Calgar seems to be bringing on a sub here, by Khaine, it's their secret weapon, CATO SICARIUS everybody! They may just be able to turn this into a win! Now. a word from our sponsors.

>>54441608
Earth caste Tau are crazy good at shit, considering most of them would have actually started out as plumbers, and just because you're a city planner or an accountant, doesn't mean you can't be an evil bastard.

>>54443576
Probaly it hurt a lot.

>>54443619
>t. Old One who created the orks.

>>54441754

Eisenhorn and Ravenor are a bit old, fair, but there really isn't much completely out of wack with current fluff. Really the only thing that comes to mind is the abundance of civilian grav vehicles, and even then, that can be handwaved away by the sheer scale of the Imperium and its variable technological levels.

As for the Shira Calpurnia series, there really isn't much wrong with it besides the author not really cluing into the fact that the Arbites are meant to be elite law enforcers watching over the highest-level affairs, while 'regular' police deal with the mundane stuff.

DESU it's the Ciaphas Cain series that you should be taking with by far the most salt, since the series' tone and setting are pretty much one-of-a-kind in the BL catalogue. I personally consider them non-canon, since they're just so wildly divergent from the rest of the fluff in attitude and antics.

>>54420127
Completely covered!
- Are dress codes becoming too lax?

File: dark_eldar__commorragh_2_by_beckjann-d5glbi2.jpg (64KB, 800x561px) Image search: [Google]

64KB, 800x561px

GOOOD MORNING COMMORRAGH!

Joining us in the studio today is arch-agonist Dracharius, master haemonculus, here to discuss the hottest trends in fleshcrafting! And after the break Zalane will show you how you too can prepare delicious chilled mon'keigh brains! But first the news and weather!

Thanks you! In todays headlines, sales for the tickets for the next arena appearance of Lelith Hesperax herself are shedueled to start tomorrow at the Crucibael arena of Corespur! However, diehard fans are already lining up at the arena entrance, fighting for the spots at the beginning of the line! Join us on-site as we interview some fans and provide you with first-rate view of the bloodbath! I hear the death toll is already in the hundreds! But first, a word from our sponsors!

>>54421454
>>54441704
>>54420894
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79wm06j3_gM

File: Best thread.gif (21KB, 350x350px) Image search: [Google]

21KB, 350x350px

Someone save this thread please.

>>54444394
Ciaphas Cain should be approached as propaganda (they are Cain's highly edited memoirs after all)

The Void Dragon was released on parole today, having completed 39,000 years of a 40,000 year sentence for the kidnapping of an Anatolian princess. The Corpse-Emperor of Mankind commented "The Dragon ain' laggin." KSPN Gladitorial News will have more on the story later. See our special feature documentary on the Void Dragons kidnapping trial "Mag'ladroth: Made on Mars"

Also later tonight, Galactic Gladiator Draft picks are still being submitted. Will Vect nab all the best rookies again this year? Signs point to "of course he will, you nimrod, why did you even bother to ask?"

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sJgDYdA8dio

>>54443877
Orks are at least funny, and scary and fill dead worlds with life

>>54444394
In a galaxy where humanity rules a million worlds with uncountable humans one comissar with a sense of humour and not a death wish is taking it a touch too far?

File: the hell is this slut saying.jpg (12KB, 203x209px) Image search: [Google]

12KB, 203x209px

>>54449089
What? No one is saying that but you. Liking the books doesn't stop you from acknowledging what a departure they are from other BL stuff and most 40k media period, to the point of almost feeling more like really good writefaggotry to me. None of that has to be a criticism, either. I think 40k is best when it isn't taking itself seriously without going full on puking contests

>>54441452

Is that The Dark Kin?

>>54452002
Soul Reaver is the Dark Eldar adventure that also has rules to make a Dark Eldar PC
Dark Kin is a supplement to Soul Reaver that lets you make a wych instead of a kabalite, plus some alt careers

>>54442384
>humans and the imperium are the same.