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The Imperial Navy Needs *YOU*

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Thread replies: 215
Thread images: 67

YOU! YES, YOU, THE ANON WALKING THERE

WHY IN THE EMPEROR'S HOLY LIGHT AREN'T YOU ALREADY ENLISTED IN HIS GLORIOUS IMPERIAL NAVY?

ENLIST TODAY! WE HAVE KILOMETRES-LONG SHIPS, WITH CATHEDRALS ON TOP!

OUR MIGHTY FLEETS CARRY THE EMPEROR'S SACRED ARMIES FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER OF THE GALAXY!

NO FOE CAN BEST US IN SHIP-TO-SHIP COMBAT!

YOU WILL KILL XENOS! YOU WILL KILL HERETICS! AND BEST OF ALL, YOU WILL DIE IN THE EMPEROR'S LIGHT, FOR YOU HAVE SERVED HIM IN HIS MOST LOVED BRANCH!

ENLIST NOW!
>>
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>>54419752
Would you quit all that yelling? Some of us are trying to actually do their job here.
>>
>>54419752
UH. DAT SOUNDS ROIGHT OR--ER, FUN, HUMIE! WHERE'Z DO I SOIGN UP??
>Mild tan paint chips off of face
>>
>>54419752
What? Learn how to address your betters. I am a Rogue Trader, the latest scion of an ancient line, whose Warrant of Trade was signed by the Emperor himself when he walked among men! I understand that you have a job to do for the Emperor's Navy as a recruiter, but know your place!

Now, I have business with the Lord-Admiral. Contact your commander so that an escort can be assigned to me.
>>
>>54419778
YOU ARE ALREADY ENLISTED? FINE. CONTINUE YOUR JOB!
>>
>>54419802
GREAT. THIS PAPER HERE, SIGN HERE, FOR THE EMPEROR!
>>
>>54419818
CONTINUE WITH YOUR AFFAIRS, TRADER. BUT YOU WONT TALK LIKE THAT TO AN IMPERIAL NAVY OFFICER AGAIN! COMMISSAR! GET THIS MAN! COMMISSAR!
>>
>>54419752
Where can I sign up to haul macro shells?
>>
>>54419874
ROIGHT.
OI... JUST... SOIGN...
>Writes... legibly enough.
KOOL. WEN DO WE'Z GETZ TO BLOW STUFF UP?
>>
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*drowns in bear gas mask*

caaa~n join, SEEaaaar~?
>>
>>54419892
RIGHT HERE. THE EMPEROR WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR SERVICE!

>The IN is not responsible for any harm you may suffer while hauling Macro Shells or any other ordnance
>>
>>54419909
RIGHT NOW! BOARD THE EMPEROR'S FIST OF FURY AND PRESENT TO THE CAPTAIN!
>>
>>54419917
CORPREL? DRUNK IN SERVICE? AGAIN!?
THIS IS HERESY! COMMISSAR, YOU HAVE MORE WORK HERE!
>>
>>54419930
ROIGHT!
IZ GONNA BLOW STUFF UP!

(And nothing could possibly go wrong here.)
>>
>>54419941
*BUURP*

wha....? buh i jesh gaugh *VOMITS PURE BURBAN* g-gaught oudda jaaeeee~eeeEAAA HEEE
>>
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>>54419951
>>
>>54419942
THE IMPERIAL NAVY IS GRATEFUL FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASM!

>>54419951
COMMISSAR! WERE IS MY COMMISSAR??
>>
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>>54419978
aaaahhh shaddub uuuuuuzzzzz and habba BEAR
>>
>>54420026
DAMN IT, I WILL DO IT MYSELF

*BLAM*
*BLAM*
*BLAM*

PROBLEM SOLVED
>>
>>54419752
How is it a navy when it has nothing to do with water? Shouldn't it be Space Corps
>>
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>>54420041
BEEEEER
>>
>>54420232
Oh god damn I hate phone posting
>>
>>54420142
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A TRADITION IS? GET IN THE LINE, ANON!

>>54420232
THE HERETIC CAN'T DIE!
*BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*
>>
>>54419752
I'd rather stay in IMPERIAL GUARD with real men and women and you can ferry me around and wait while I'm doing the real job if that's alright with you sir.
>>
>>54419752
Felicitations! My name is Mr. John. Actually that's not my real name. My caste named me Fio'El Ksi'm'yen Nar'jorn but I prefer you to call me John. I'm a Tau Earth Caste citizen but I want to move to Terra to live with my hero, The Emperor! Everyday I practice my Gothic and I greet my Ethereals in Gothic though no one can reply. I wear Terran hats and great coat and practice using my chain sword everyday. Wish me luck in Terra!
>>
>>54420309
HOPE THE INQUISITOR THAT FINDS YOU HAS NO MERCY, XENOS SCUM!

>>54420289
FINE THEN, CANNON FODDER! GO THAT OTHER LINE
>>
>>54420309
ALTHOUGH I THOUGHT IT TWICE. YOU WANT TO SERVE THE EMPEROR?
>>
>>54420328
ERM, BOSS? WHICH WAY TO DA SHIPYARD?
AN, UH, WULD YA KNOW IF DERE'S, SAY, A DAKKA STASH ON DA WAY? LOIK, DAT IZ T' SAY, AN ARMOURY?
>>
>>54420378
STRAIGHT FORWARD, THROUGH THIS STREET. IS EASY TO FIND, LOOK FOR THE GIGANTIC VESSEL FLOATING OVER THE BUILDINGS. AND YES, THERE ARE ARMORIES, BUT STILL, IT'S FORBIDDEN TO BOARD THE VESSEL WITH WEAPONS. IF YOU NEED ONE, YOU WILL BE GIVEN ONE ON BOARD
>>
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YOU! MORTAL!
POINT ME TOWARDS THE NEAREST FORGE WORLD!

ME AND THE BROTHERS ARE GOING SHOPPING~!
>>
>>54420479
WEAPONS? FORBIDDEN??? WUT KINDA LAW IS DAT? WUT IF A FOIGHT BREAKS OUT? DEN WUT?
>>
>>54420515
GO SPEAK WITH FABRICATOR GENERAL 01110001 OF GFEN PRIMUS, ONE WEEK OF WARP TRAVEL FROM HERE, TO THE SOUTH!
>>
>>54419752
>Imperial Navy
>Recruit

Sometimes I guess. Most often they just press-gang random fucko's when they make port.
>>
>>54420523
THAT'S WHY WE GIVE YOU WEAPONS ON BOARD, RATING!

>>54420529
SOMETIMES, YES. WHO SAID THAT THESE FUCKERS ARE VOLUNTEERS?
>>
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wotz yer talkin about loot on legs?
>>
>>54420527
THANK YOU MORTAL

MY RECORDS SAY THAT FABRICATOR GENERAL SPECIALISES IN OFFICIO ASSASINATORUM WARGEAR


...EXCELLENT
>>
>>54420558
ORKS! WHERE IS THE CANNON FODDER? I HAVE WORK FOR YOU!
>>
>>54420541
WELL DEY BETTA 'AVE A ROIGHT SHOOTY SLUGGA...

I'LL UH... BRING SOME O' ME MATES TO JOIN UP AZ WELL, DAT OKAY?
>>
>>54420588
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, HE FIXES TOASTERS LIKE NOBODY ELSE! GLAD I HELPED, BON VOYAGE!
>>
Sir, a warp storm is approaching.
>>
>>54420328
>>54420605
>Two instances of Suffering the Xenos to live
>Two instances of failure to impart the Emperor's Peace, or alert a member of the Commissariat, or the Arbites.
>>
>>54420609
BRING THEM HERE, THE IMPERIAL NAVY NEEDS ENTHUSIAST MEN TO MAN ITS SHIPS!
>>
>>54420622
IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME, NOT TODAY!
>>
>>54420628
OKAY! WE'Z JUST GONNA MAN DA SHIP NOW...
>>
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>>54420622
I FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME BROTHERS

... it is a good pain
>>
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>>54420605
Da only work Iz gonna aksept is lootin your corpse and gubbinz
>>
>>54419752
>Joining the Gayvy
Sorry lad, but mom didn't rise a faggot.
t. Cpt. Dutch Matrix, 45th Catachan
>>
>>54420682
INQUISITOR, INQUISITOR. CALL THE BLACK SHIPS, WE HAVE A UNTRAINED PSYKER HERE
>>
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>>54420724
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I can hear the wispers of daemons... they are here now
>>
>>54420717
>mom didn't rise a faggot.
Says the fucking Catachan.
>>
>>54420850
Where are you from, sonny? The communist starving planet? The Kiss the king ass planet? The swim in toxic fecal matter planet? You would last exactly 15 secs in Catachan, you pencil pusher.
>>
>>54420850
THIS MAN CAN'T DIE, JOIN MY CREW!

WE CAN'T LEAVE THE SPACE PORT NOW, THEN. CALL AN INQUISITOR AND PREPARE THE SHIP FOR WHEN THE STORM SUBSIDES
>>
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>>54420904
THE STORM IS ETERNAL

OUR SOULS HAVE ALREADY BEEN FORFEIT TO THE GODS

DESPAIR FOR THERE IS NO RETURN NOW
NO HOPE
NO SALVATION
>>
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>>54420904
Ohh okay okay, I see noa, wen I was drunk you want nothing with me, but now I'm sober you want great red rocket.

Typical, typical Imperial's

SURE ILL JOIN!
>>
>>54420893
>>54420893
Yes, yes to all of those. Now tell me Komrad. Have you survived living on shit plannet made of shit, eating nothing but shit to full maturity? If no, den shad up
>>
>>54420963
YOU HERETIC! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS! CREW, GET HIM!

*BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*
>>
>>54421007
WELCOME ABOARD, CORPREL!
>>
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>>54420963
*force feeds the daemon engine Fenrisian Ale*
>>
>>54421122
>>
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>>54421060
>Angery heretic astartes(TM) begin pouring through a tear in the warp
>>
>>54421283
Want beer?
>>
>>54421312
[cracking a cold one with the boys intensifies]
>>
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>Heavy wheezing
Brothers and sisters! Do not despair!
>Cough cough
We, the chosen of Papa Nurgle, have come to liberate you from the *cough cough* yoke of the Corpse Emperor!
We *wheeeeeze* have already infected your ship, with the blessed contagions, of Grandfather Nurgle. Embrace his glory, and join our ever loving family!
>>
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IT IS I, THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND

I AM HERE TO STOP THIS WARP STORM BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

...teach you how to thin your paints

APPLY TWO THIN COATS WITH A FINE TIP ON YOUR BRUSH TO REALLY BATTLE THE FORCES OF CHAOS
>>
>>54419752
Because I'm a medicae of the Flesh Eaters and GE has done jack diddly with our fluff.
>>
>>54421669
EXCELLENT, WE NEED A GOOD ONE TO FIGHT AGAINST THE NUEGLITE PLAGUE ON BOARD.
>>
>>54421685
But, my lord! That would be violating canon! GE hasn't given our chapter to do anything but sit here!
>>
>>54421700
Er, GW. I mean.
>>
>>54421700
WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE? THIS IS MY BOTE, SO I WRITE THE RULES, AND THE RULES SAY THAT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PLAGUE. NOW, TAKE THE FLAMER!
>>
>>54421875
YES M'LORD! FOR THE EMPRAH!
>Takes flamer and revs saw on Narthecium
>>
>>54421875
>Yelling over saw
M'LORD! NOT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT, BUT WHY ARE THERE GREENSKIN ON BOARD? AND WHY ARE IS THERE A DRUNKEN DAEMON ENGINE? IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR TOO LONG?
>>
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>>54421685
Why do you *wheeeze* fight on good officer? Do you not see that the corruption of Papa Nurgle already infects your vessel... Slowly it will spread, across the crewmen, and the corridors. The bloatflies and the maggots *cough cough*, do you hear them little officer? Chanting...
>>54421966
You think your little toys will stop us?
*Laughing leading to coughing*
None can stop the Plaguefather...
>>
>>54422113
WE WILL FIGHT THEM TO DEATH!

>>54422012
THE GREENSKINS ARE FOR A GOOD OL' FIGHT, AND THEY WILL HAVE IT, AGAINST THE PLAGUEMEN ON BOARD!

THE DRUNKEN DAEMON ENGINE IS ANOTHER STORY, SO TAKE A MELTAGUN, AND DESTROY IT!
>>
>>54422171
Sir, we intercepted the following pict feed from the Nurglite vessel. Be prepared sir, its pretty bad...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltf6jaU9Ioc
The meaning of this is so far unknown.
>>
>>54422171
WHY IS IT PRONOUNCED MELTA, M'LORD!? THAT SOUNDS LIKE ORK SPEAK, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
>>>54422113
>Burns puss-balls' face off
>>
>>54422201
For every one of us that falls, ten more will take his place!
>>
>>54422209
EXCELLENT! MORE FOR ME TO FIGHT!
>>
>>54422215
MY SPLEEEEN!
>>
>>54422215
KEEP EXISTING! I DARE YOU!
>>
>>54422190
FOR OUR LORD, WHAT IS THIS? HERESY! PURGE THE FILES!

>>54422201
THEN CALL IT AT RIFLE!
>>
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Very well... officer. I have not been a Navy... man. But ships are a known... quality to me. The hum of a navigation... cogitator. The crackle of the void... shields. And of course the... effervescence of the Gellar.... field.
It speaks of home, in a thousand voices.
Do you perhaps need... mechanae for... Augur arrays? I am no magi of the Mechanicus but... my clan have serviced.... such for generations. Aboard merchant.. trader vessels, admittedly.
>>
>>54422594
I'll call it a cooker then. Sounds more human-y.
>>
>>54422631
FINE! MY MAGI COULD USE SOME HELP.

>JUST KEEP AN EYE ON THIS MAN, COMMISSAR

>>54422652
YOU COOK TANKS FOR DINNER, RATING?
>>
>>54422658
I'LL COOK ANYTHING FOR THE EMPEROR!
>Starts shooting at more chaos marines
>>
>>54422658
A... speech impediment from... prolonged exposure to the... void, aside i... retain my sense of.... hearing rather well.
I... assure you, I am quite... sane. However, if the... commissar wishes to look, he.... will see nothing untoward.
>>
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>>54422113
>>54422190
>>54422594
The ritual is *wheeze* complete! Rise and serve!
>>
>>54422726
BY THE EMPEROR'S HOLY BALLSACK!
>Burns shit
>>
>>54422678
THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT!

>>54422704
SURE THING, COME WITH US!

>>54422726
BURN HERETICS!
>>
>>54422726
Not again... ...er, that wasn't a vocal tic, that... was merely sighing in... exasperation.
Same shit...different ship.

[stubber noises]
>>
>>54422726
I MUST BE AS POWERFUL AS A PRIMARCH! I'VE KILLED THIS MANY ALL BY MYSELF! COME YOU ROTTEN SAUSAGES! FACE THE FIERY FURY OF THE FLESH EATERS!
>>
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>>54422726
God freaking damnit...
Thought i was done with zombies...
Alright kids, stand back, i got this.
>>
>>54422946
EXCUSE ME CITIZEN, BUT I AM NO CHILD! I AM WELL OVER 100 YEARS OLD!
>>
>>54419752

First, the navy usually doesn't recruit at all. Ship crews are hereditary, many never leave the ship they were born on. When a new ship is built, it's crew usually is drawn from surplus population from it's port of origin.

Second, when they *do* need more ratings and spacers, the officers send down a few transports and some armsmen and force people into service via press gangs.

Finally, use of the caps lock key has been heresy since before the dawn of the Imperium. Report at once to your petty officer for excruciation.
>>
>>54423139
I WAS NOT USING CAPS LOCK, BATTLE BROTHER! I WAS HOLDING DOWN SHIFT!
>>
>>54423139
>>54423157
Haha! Loopholes have been used since before the dawn of the Imperium!
>>
>>54423168
YOUR POINT BEING?!
>>
>>54422946
WE WILL NEED MORE GUNS HERE, BRING YOUR FRIENDS TOO!

>>54423192
YOU WERE USING SHIFT AND NOT CAPS LOCK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EXECUTED, THAT'S HIS WHOLE POINT, PINHEAD.
>>
>>54423139
Are you really saying it's impossible, or even just improbable that the Navy sends down recruiters first, and then if their numbers still aren't sufficient they create press gangs?

I mean there have to be SOME people who legitimately want to serve on a giant fucking spaceship of the Emperor's own holy fleets.
>>
>>54419752
Fuck off. I am a proud Gue'vesa in the service of the greater good in the Tau Navy. Custodian battle ships over emperor battleships anyday mate.
T. Gue'vesa'vre living on Taros..
>>
>>54424740
Another thingis I enjoy a standard of living higher than that of most citizens in the Imperium. Also the Greater Good is the best.
>>
>>54423775
All right gang, you know what to do!
>>
>>54419752
i hear your ships are powered by mutual nonconsensual buggery. a perpetual cycle of manrape engine if you will

is this true?
>>
>>54424740
NEAT, TELL ME THE SHIP WHERE YOU SERVE, BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BREAK IT IN PIECES MYSELF!

>>54424885
TO WORK, LADS!

>>54424921
THE MACHINE SPIRITS ARE PLEASED WITH US ON BOARD, AND WE ARE PLEASED TO PLEASE THEM!
>>
>>54425165
Yeah that is right! For all I care it is the Pride of Taros, fight me IRL on Tarokeen! I brt you cannot even destroy us, feel my Gravitic launcher batteries on your puny weak ships, imperial-tard lol.
>>
>>54425200
YOU SHALL FEAR US, FOR THE MIGHT OF OUR FLEET KNOWS NO LIMIT! WAIT FOR US, AND PREPARE YOUR TOMB!
>>
>>54425200
*Wheeeeeze*
Fuck off Tau lover!
*Cough cough*
Even the Corpse Worshipers are better than you!
>>
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>>54419752
TRUE AND GLORIOUS IS IT TO MARCH UNDER THE EIGHTFOLD SUN OF THE PRIMORDIAL TRUTH! YOUR BRIDGE WILL BURN, YOUR CORRIDOR RUN WITH BLOOD, YOUR FALSE IDOLE SHATTERED, YOUR CREW SLAUGHTERED BY THE THOUSANDS, YOUR VERY SHIP TORN APART! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULL FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

>>54424740
WHY DO SEEK TO BE LED BY THE BLIND? WE HAVE SUCH SIGHTS TO SHOW YOU.
>>
>>54426201
Be gone children of the Blood God! The Plaguefather has claimed this vessel for his own!
>>
>>54426232
I WAS CHOSEN TO IMMORTALITY, YOU WERE ONLY CHOSEN TO DIE, WORM!
>>
>Various Loud cries of WAAAAAAAAAAGH aboard the ship
>Apparently fighting off Nurgle cultists is keeping the "Strangely large new crewmates" busy.
>>
>>54426201
*NO*

>>54426823
THIS IS HOW MY BOYZ DO IT. SEE, LADS? WAS A GOOD IDEA
>>
>>54427585
WE'Z KILLIN' EM ALL BOSS IT'S A ZOGGIN' GOOD TOIM!
>>
>Do not use avatars or attach signatures to your posts.
>>
>>54427685
YES, INDEED! NOW, GO DEAL WITH THE KHORNATE WARBAND!
>>
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>>54427685
>>54427761
WE ARE THE DESTROYER! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILLFRENZY! KILLFRENZY! KILLFRENZY! WE COME FOR YOU, OFFICER!

What are Orks doing here?
>>
>>54427941
ORKS? WE'Z TAN LOIK HUMIES, SEE?
>tan paint chips some more
AND WE'Z GONNA KILL YA POINTY GITZ FER DA EMPEROR OR SUMFING!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
>>
>>54419752
You need better PR bro.
>>
>>54428146
>>
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>>54428068
OF COURSE, YOU CAN'T BE ORKS. I HAVE NEVER SEEN A BUNCH OF MORE UNORKY SNOTLINGS!

You see, my fellow warriors, I was educated by Tortuous Convolvulus himself in psychological warfare.
>>
>>54428263
SNOTLINGS??! WHY,-- GIT OVA 'ERE YOU LOUZY RED GROT!
>Tan painted Kommando Skwad charges.
>>
>>54428068
OF COURSE YOU ARE! YOU ARE HUMANITY'S PRIDE!
>>
SERIOUSLY, HOW THE FUCK CAN THERE BE SO MANY DISGUSTING FACTIONS ON THIS SHIP AT ONCE?! NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING!
>>
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>>54419752
>>
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>>54427941
"Imperial Guard Attack!"
"The hammer of the Emperor is here to serve."
>>
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>>54434627
Advance!
>>
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>>54436699
>Those 9s
"Yes sir, Guardsmen affix baynonets, these heretics have infested this vessle for to long, alas a horde of foul traitors lurch this way."
>Readys bolt pistol and chainsword.
"Guardsmen follow me to glory!"
>>
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>>54419752
I'M READY FOR BATTLE SIR
>>
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>>54436933
"Trooper to you left!"
>Gores cultist with chainsword
>>
FINALLY! SOME BACK UP!
>>
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>>54437184
DON'T WORRY I BROUGHT MY OWN BEER
>>
>>54437203
"Nice trooper, refreshments before we purge these heretics."
>>
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>>54437266
FEEL FREE TO HAVE SOME, I GOT PLENTY
>>
Actually, how is it in the Imperial Navy? Is it like real life where its not as comfy as the air force, but still better life and comfort than the army and marines?

coast guard being the superior to all of course
>>
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>>54437291
"Fine I'll take some just...relax trooper, try giving that plasma gun of yours a try, practice on that horde of cultist!"
>>
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>>54437438
I'LL TRY MY BEST SIR
>>
>>54437363
>implying anything in the 40k universe can be described as comfy
>>
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>>54437464
"Trooper, What is your name, you wouldn't happen to know where all this backwater amsec came from right?"
>readies laspistol
>>
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>>54437543
WHAT? MY NAME'S DAVE, SAYS RIGHT HERE ON MY NAME TAG. I GOT ALL THIS BEER FROM SOME GUY OVER BY THE WEAPON DEPOT
>>
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>>54437637
"WELL DAVE YOU NEED TO PUT IT BACK RIGHT NOW!"
"I order you to drink all of this beer this instant!"
>Cracks open a case.
"Fear not trooper I shall assist you!"
>>
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>>54437823
>There is no response from Dave
>>
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>>54437849
"TROOPER!"
>>
So much for the backup, I suppose...
>>
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>>54437903
"Medic, if you do not save this trooper from his deserved amsec toxining, you will be joining him."
>>
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>>54437935
DAVE IS NO MORE. THERE IS ONLY BEER NOW.
>>
>>54437963
SON OF A SQUIGGOTH!
>>
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DRINK FROM ONE OF MY BOTTLES AND I SHALL GRANT YOU YOUR WILDEST DESIRE
>>
>>54437977
WHAT IS THIS WARP FUCKERY?!
>>
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>>54437963
"HO No, thats heresy!"
>>54437977
"OOOOO Double heresy!"
"Medic! Join me in slaying this killer of Daves!"
>>
>>54438003
FOR THE EMPRA!
>>54437977
>Starts smashing bottles
>>
>>54438016
>Throws bottles at hordes of cultist's
"FUCK BOTTLES FOR THE EMPEROR!"
>Starts spinning smashing bottles.
>https://youtu.be/Wz-vvoy5ZFc
>Is very very drunk by the way.
>>
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>>54438016
>and then suddenly Daemons
>>
>>54438039
YOU THINK I'M SCARED!? I WILL DROWN YOU IN YOUR OWN BLOOD!!!
>>
>>54438039
"HOOOOOOOOOOO!"
>Jaw drops
"Oh! shit!"
>starts throwing bottles at daemons
"Get out! get out! get out!"
>>
>>54438039
>Stabs demons with broken bottles
>>
>>54437488

True. Relative to itself of course, is what I meant.
>>
>>54438054
"Daemons don't have blood!"
>lits a bottle on fire and tosses it into the horde
>>
I just got transfered from the Praetorian Guard and... What the hell is going on here?
>>
>>54438084
I imagine that it'd be more comfortable as long as you aren't being deployed with the ground troops, not having to look your enemy in the eye when you shoot at them helps a lot in the 40k universe.
>>
>>54438086
THEN I WILL DROWN THEM IN GLASS!
>Smashes bottle into daemons mouth, choking it
>>
>>54438095
"HERESY! DAEMONS, BEER OH MY!"
>Gores Bloodlettter attempting to flank the private.
"Trooper get your lasgun out and start showing these daemons the emperor's light."
>>
>>54438129
Yes, Sir!
>Pulls out his lasgun and starts shooting at daemons
>>
>>54438095
SOMEHOW, NEARLY EVERY ENEMY FACTION IS HERE! ALL WE NEED IS TYRANIDS, AND THEN IT'LL BE A PARTY!
>>
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>>54438141
"Guardsmen! Glory to the first man to die!"
>Gets back to purgin daemons.
"We need to close the breach!"
"Wheres that plasma gun?"
>>
>>54438170
>Slams Daemon engine against the breach and welds it to the wall with flamer
I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE!!!
>>
>>54438218
"Nice job Trooper!"
"Medicae do you have eyes on Dave's plasma gun!"
>Scrambles over the flipped table where the guardsmen are taking cover.
"Whats the plan?"
>>
>>54438235
LUCKILY, I BROUGHT A SPARE!
>>
>>54438256
"Guardsmen I want you to focus fire on that warp portal, I'll keep the daemons off you long enough to close it."
>charges headon into the horde.
"DAEMONS OF CHAOS! SHOW ME WHAT PASSES FOR FURY AMONG YOUR MISBEGOTTEN KIND!"
>>
>>54438332
"SIR, YES SIR!"
>Starts shooting at the warp portal with his lasgun
>>
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>>54438348
>"Abandon you puny emperor, can't you see Slannesh has all you need~"
>The nice daemonette whispered seductivly into your ear.
"Daemon, faith and my wargear, that is what I need."
>"Have it your way, all the struggle does is enrich the meat~"
>The Daemonette charges with both claws, how it could bring pleasure with those things you'll never know.
>A stray lasbolt plinks off the daemonette stunning it long enough for you to shove your chainsword through it's stomach and tear it open.
"You'll find that this meat, has a bit more bite to it."
>You pull out your Inqusition mandated Coolguy shades.
"I..I think it's over."
>>
>>54438404
"Thank the Emperor."
>>
>>54438404
But, m'lord? What about the orks?
>>
>>54438441
"But, this ship still isn't pure, those daemons were one of the many of the Emperor's enemies on this here vessel, which has a nasty ork infestation by the gellar field, which is how these daemons were able to manifest away. What is your name trooper?"
>The commissar cadet pulls out a hankerchief and dabs the sweat off his brow, his hat, his symbol of power is slumped lopesidly, a purity seal adorns his coat.
>>
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>>54438480
"Very observent, Yes we do still have Orks to kill."
>Revs chainsword.
"I think we need to show them their new warboss."
>>
>>54438493
"Errick sir, Private Errick Cornwell"
>>
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>>54438525
"Pleasure to meet you Private Errick Cornwell, I am Junior commissar Adam Malkovich, and I'm the only sober person on this whole vessel trooper."
>Wraps arm around Errick.
"Errick,burp, you stick with me and we'll defeat these xenos in no time at all."
"Now weres that medic, I need to make sure we've got stims for the mission."
>>
>>54438570
Medicae Titus reporting for duty, sir. Fret not, my throat may be raspy from all that yelling, but the fire of faith still burns inside of me.
>>
>>54438570
>astropath doesn't accidentally get you lost
>astropath
>lol wut iz a navigatur?
>>
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>>54438613
>>54438525
"Good, then we, the 3 of us are this vessel's last hope, if we want to survive this Warp Voyage to [Unknown Location] we'll have to cleanse this vessel of all it's malcontents, starting with the Orks in the gellarcore, the sooner we wipe them out, the sooner we can, ebb the flow of daemons into the ship, Follow me!"
>Runs into elevator.
"Hurry on now, what you though we're gonna take the stairs."
>>54438624
>A horrible mutant sub-species not worth it's weight in gold.
>>
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>>54438666
>psykers that make interstellar travel possible
>not worth their weight in gold
How new are you?
>>
>>54438666
>Stands in elevator, bobbing head to music
>>
>>54438685
>Witches that explode into daemons, and are so unstable that they scream constantly.
>>54438707
"It is catchy huh? I always wondered how they played music considering this is a metal box hoisted by slaves, oh I hope the daemons haven't killed the elevator slaves."
>>
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Ready to take the shot sir.
>>
>>54438751
"Ah if it isn't private Woolfers."
"Private I need you to man this door and keep these injured men safe private, Keep them safe."
>Closes elevator doors.
>>
>>54438724
MEANWHILE
Slaneeshi daemon: "Oh boy! Running the elevator is everything I ever dreamed of and more!
>>
>>54438724
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnZjZWnbuus
Emperor damn it! It's stuck in my head!
>>
>>54438786
"Now that you mention it, It's stuck in my head as well!"
>>
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>>54438786
>>54438797
"Well then be glad the trip's over Men, we're here."
>The trio steps out into a gristly scene.
>The Gellar-field is broken, totally and utterly ruined, and massive ork face made from the surrounding panels anchors a massive creature to the core.
>https://youtu.be/wJ0p3DxWaC0
>The mass moans, and suddenly the air grows hot, as if the ovens have been turned on.
>"Wot da Zog? You humies 'rn't posed to be dun ere."
>The words are coming from the mass it'self.
>"Well Orkcording to da rulz, imma haf to show yah da door, which is da airlock!"
>"WWWWAAAGGHHH!!!"
>The mass detaches it's self from the core, it's a massive constuct with a Mekboy sitting on the very top of it.
>"Men, Find cover I think we found the source of the warp portals!"
>>
>>54438865
"Sir! Yes sir!"
>Dives behind a nearby sofa and prepares to open fire
>>
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>>54438786
>This is the elevator music for all imperial ships
>>
>>54438865
MY ARMOR IS CONTEMPT! MY SHIELD IS DISGUST! MY SWORD IS HATRED! IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR, LET NONE SURVIVE!
>>
>>54438907
>Fuck yes.
>>
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>>54438905
>>54438914
>"DAKKA DAK DAKKA!!"
>A thunderous hail of muntions rips from the Deff Dred's left arm.
"Focus fire on that heavy shoota, I'll lure its fire elsewhere."
>The commissar furiously charges the deff dred.
"Foul Ork, You smell just like the Emperor's waste!"
>>
>>54438974
>Starts rapidly throwing grenades at the mekboy
>>
>>54438974
>Shoots the Dread's Heavy shoota with his lasgun, Damaging the cobbled together repeated with the ionized laser beam
>>
>>54439012
>>54438990
>The Commissar rolls out of the way of squads attacks.
"Teamwork Ork, it's the new word on the street."
>Slamming your chainsword into the mekboy, you begin to saw into in his body.
"All with me now! SUFFER NOT"
>>
>>54439044
"THE ALIEN"
>>
>>54439044
SUFFER NOT!!!
>>
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>>54439053
>>54439058
"THE ALIENNN!"
>With a might yell the commissar hefts the Mek boy up by the chainsword firmly encased in his gut.
>"Wot da zog do you fink yur doin humie?"
>The Commissar revs his blade cutting the ork, and then heaving him into the gellar reactor core.
"FOR THE EMPEROR!!!"
>The Commissar raises his arms in truiphant!
"Did you hear that men? We're humies, ahahhahaha."
>Laughter because a mek boy almost fried the whole ship.
>>
>>54439120
>Nervous laughter
>>
>>54439120
"We did it! Praises be to the god emperor! I almost can't believe we actually did it!
>>
>>54439148
Nonsense! We can do anything through His light!
>>
>>54439168
"You're completely right, Truly the God Emperor has blessed us today!"
>>
>>54439186
PRAISE BE TO HIM!
>>
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>>54439186
>>54439209
>He nudges the medicae
"I can't beileve we killed all those daemons."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4feUSTS21-8
"Now guardsmen, the Emperor awards those who fight in his name!"
>The commissar starts to bust a move.
"Three, to one to two to one to the three!"
>>
>>54439223
IN HIS NAME, BREAK IT DOWN!
>>
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>>54439223
>The Guardsman joins in the move bustin'
"I Like good pussy and I like good trees!"
>>
>>54439241
Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe and I get more ass than a toilet seat!
>>
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>>54439255
>>
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>>54439241
>>54439239
>The good vibes and general happiness starts the have strange effects on the gellar field.
>Namely a nice strobing light pattern and a faint beat.
Meanwhile in the upperdecks
>"The frack are they doing down there lord-captain."
>"I'm not sure, but whatever it is, we're closing switfly on our desitnation."
>The bridge was reporting that the vessel was starting to dive deeper into the immaterium.
Back in the Gellar Core
>The dance party was in full swing, all remaining billigerents have migrated to the warp core, the engine room was full of daemonnettes and orks dancing wildly.
>>
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>>54439279
M'lord, what do we do about the rest of the xenos?
>Continues busting moves
>>
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>>54439538
>https://youtu.be/FPjJW5iTFN0?t=2m20s
"Xe..Xe..xenos!"
>The commissar does a spitake.
>He had barely noticied that his was surrounded by Orks and heretics.
>His face deforms into the legendary commissar grimace
"I-its..it's...IT'S HERESY!!!"
>Adam raises his chainsword above his head.
"MIS!"
>He reaps his sword throught the crowd collecting heads, like a medieval farmer.
"BEGOTTEN!"
>His fury is audible over the music now, the blood starts to pool at the gellar-fields containment field.
"KIND!!"
>He jumps into the main body of the horde, spin slashing thorugh the bodies with his chainsword at full power.
>The torrent of warpfire and blood spashes the Private and Medic.
>>
>>54439688
>Starts sliding stylishly around, burning enemies
>>
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>>54439751
>The smell of burning bodies fill the stale air of the bulkhead.
>Once the screams die down the junior commissar lights a frail cigar.
"The abbot told me not too, but even my general does it and it calms me after such combat."
>He pulls out a second cigar, offering it.
"Please take it, trooper, as a symbol of your work this evening."
>The commissar leaves the cigar in the hands of the medicae.
"Good night, and check em trooper."
>>
>>54439992
>Takes the cigar
Good night Commissar. Twas an honor to fight along side you.
>>
>>54421516
So is it explained why Previous Imperial ships turned to chaos look absolutely different now? Warpsmiths adding spikes to an armor is ok, but changing the very fabric of a 10 kilometer long ship sounds stupid, even chaos titans look like imp titans just corrupted, Y tf does the terminus est look nothing like a normal imp ship??
Thread posts: 215
Thread images: 67


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