Times you broke your GM

>Instakilled after the first combat
Continue

>This time I roll up Ranger with above average INT, with goblinoids as a favored enemy.
>DM looks annoyed for a moment but lets it slide.
>Think nothing of it, get ready to be integrated into the party properly.
>Things go off without a hitch, nobody tries attacking me or stealing my shit or whatever, get welcomed with open arms.
>Go into town for a bit to resupply before heading out towards our next point of interest.
>Along the way, we encounter some Goblins.
>ohboyherewego.jpg
>My turn comes up.
>I make my attack roll.
>"Your bonuses don't apply here."
>What?
>"Excuse me, you clearly said that these were goblins."
>"Your character doesn't know that though, besides, these aren't actually goblins."
>"The fuck?"
>"Yeah, people call them goblins but they aren't actually goblins, they're a variant of the orc sub-type."
>"And you're telling me that my Ranger, that lives in the woods and fights goblinoids wouldn't know the difference?"
>"Of course, because he isn't smart enough."

>>54393462
>>54393592
>Now I'm pissed, but I hold my tongue, do my attack roll anyways, we kill the party.
>If the other players are mad, they aren't showing it, most are avoiding eye contact or fidgeting in their seats.
>Campaign's hitting critical overdrive, so I decide "fuck it" and start having fun with the DM.
>After a couple more encounters with "goblins," one of our melee guys got killed from breathing in the goblin dust.
>Later, we make it to town, and are beckoned by a young woman, an elf (of course).
>"Am I smart enough to know what an Elf is?"
>"What?"
>"I'm asking, am I smart enough to know what an elf is?"
>Everyone's looking at me funny but I don't care, I've long since stopped giving a fuck.
>Yes, you know what an Elf is."
>"Cool."
>Elf beckons us towards a tavern.
>"Am I smart enough to know what a tavern is?"
>DM tells me yes, I say "Cool," in response.
>"So you guys walk through the door-"
>"Am I smart enough to know what a door is?"

>>54393592
I'm catching whifs of That Guy from here.

>>54393462
>Get told to roll Fort
???

>>54393462
>>54393592
>>54393686
>I can see the faintest outline of a vein on the DM's forehead as he curtly replies, "you know what a door is!"
>"Cool."
>"Anyways, you're all lead to a table-"
>"Do we know what a table is?" One of the other party members asks.
>"Yes, you know what a table is, and you sit down-"
>"What's sitting?" Another party member asks.
>"You know how to sit, and when you do sit down, she asks you a-"
>"What's a question?" Another party member asks.
>DM is noticeably pissed but the mood has become much lighter than it was earlier. Every word the DM asks is interrupted with questions on whether or not we know what it is.
>Eventually, the DM gets up from the table, packs away his notes and leaves the table.
>Meanwhile we're all still laughing like idiots.
The DM eventually told us over facebook that he was cancelling game for the foreseeable future and then deleted us from his friends list once someone asked "what's a facebook?"

>>54393462
>>54393686
So... GM broke you? That's it?

>>54393759
Really, the whole group sounds like some terrible dream by a sociopath.

Even in a "everyone" loved my choices ending.

>>54393462
>>54393592
>>54393686
>>54393823
Top kek anon.

Thanks for sharing.

>>54393868
You really think it's that unbelievable that someone would start a stupid joke that some autist spergs out over?

You still see people on this board that still piss blood with rage if someone mentions Sir Bearington or Old Man Henderson.

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>>54393930
>Sir Bearington or Old Man Henderson.

jk

>>54393823
Well, that was a dickbag move, but I won't say the gm didn't deserve it.

Every time I brought tom to any form of game. Because of advanced anger enducing nolliage. Thanks for breaking all my campaigns.

>>54393462
Once I had my character kill the ocean (as in, the water body that constitues most of the world's surface). Just to get rid of a bunch of pirates you see

The sheer dispelief on my GM's face was something to behold.

>>54393938
My point exactly.

I could see most people on /tg/ reacting the way the DM did once they found that they weren't getting their way. Hell, I know a few DM's IRL that would do this kinda shit.

>>54393976
The fuck did you pull that one off?

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>>54393462
>>54393592
>>54393686
>>54393823

>>54393976
Do tell.

>Invited to a 3.5 game
>Ask GM about the campaign
>"Your average fantasy setting"
>Refuses to give more than vague as fuck information
>Ask him about the group and what needs should I cover
>Conclude they need a perceptive, rogueish type character who can also into surviva
>Decide Scout (ranger meets rogue for those who don't know)
>Due goddamn awful rolls I have to go Dex archer
>Focus on Perception/Disabledevice/Precision damage
>Turns out the campaign is Eberron meets Ravenloft all enemies are Undead, Construct, Plant, Elementals or Oozes
>Basically I deal zero damage and bring zero to the group in combat
>All traps are magical traps with DC of 21 at lowest which means that with my 7 perception and my 9 disable device (even with feats) can't spot half and can't disable half of them
>Die first session
>Ressurected against my will with -2 Con
>Die 4th session
>Die in 7th session
>Every time ask the GM if this shit is going to continue, that I'm not having fun at fucking all
>GM literally either ignores me or trivializes my problems
And that's when I blew up
Retired my char even though my GM didn't want it
Rolled a wizard
Focused Specialist Cojurer with cloudy conjuration, abrubt jaunt, etc, you know the go to RAW and RAI character to destroy a game and so I did. I got kicked out the second session after I started with it because I basically ruled the game and GM had to come up with bullshit that I still counter to much of his anger

>>54393976
You can't just say that and leave, you slut. Give us more.

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>>54394009
he rolled a nat20 KEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEK

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>>54394042

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>>54394042

>>54393779
Fortitude

I'm going to be running a game soon where one character is deaf with clouded vision and another character has 3 str.

>>54394009
>>54394028
>>54394044

Nothing as amazing as it sounds I fear.
We were playing a one-shot game, very beers-and-pretzes mindless fun. The system was 3D&T and there's this spell called "Morte Estrelar" (Star Dead). Basically call big-ass lazor from the sky to destroy or kill something or someone. No save, no questions asked. Just begone. The price is losing a bunch of MP permanently and one less star in the sky.
Forbidden magic, piss off the gods yadda yadda.

I had that due to a rather bullshit backstory I made up on the spot when I saw the spell on the book and I wasted most of my points (it's a point buy system) to build a character who could cast it.

We started to rise hell in a coastal city controlled by a bunch of pirates and while we were beating them one of the pirates called in others using a spell. A lot of ships started to come from the ocean. I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.

>>54393823
>deleted us from his friends list once someone asked "what's a facebook?"
This dense motherfucker got what he deserved. Ambushing players with instakill bullshit is for cargo cult retard DMs who think the original tomb of horrors is some pinnacle of DMing.

>>54393462
I have one:
>game starts by DM giving us literally a novella to read
>it's literally a fanfic about a hero
>hero who is actually his DMPC
>help.jpg
>game starts
>DMPC recruit us to go with him on a quest
>he leads us to talk to the king, keep talking with himself like he was two people
>'okay.jpg'
>several minutes later he tells us to go talk with the captain
>'okay.jpg'
>he starts talking with himself again
>bored as hell players, some start messing with their cellphones
>DMPC tells us next that we should go to the temple
>I finally say: "DM give us something to do"
>"Later."
>we go to the temple, he starts talking with himself but this time making a female voice
>even more boring dialogue
>I go again: "DM, just give us something to do"
>"Not now, I'm world building"
>having finished, he tell us to that he needed to go talk with the mage's guild
>mygodmakeitstop
>"DM please make something interesting happen"
>DM is clearly upset about it, tell me to shut up
>we go into the mage guild, he starts roleplaying as a wizard
>ask us something that we don't know, only to his DMPC to answer
>one of the guys isn't at the table anymore, he turned on the TV near it
>he tell us to that we should go talk with the sentries near the city
>nomorepls
>as we leave the city, he suddenly stops to talk with a nearby patrol
>I lose my patience and stab the DMPC
>DM looks shocked
>The party flared back
>DM points out that his hero is much higher levelled than mine
>suddenly the entire table join me in stabbing his DMPC
>the entire table of good guys start to chop his DMPC limb to limb
>DM tries to fight back but is overhelmed by the group
>DMPC is RIP
>the entire table starts commemorating
>DM gets pissed and leaves
He stood angry for like a week with us. Moral of story: some fun a session keeps the murderhobo away.

>>54394260
>I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.
Seems reasonable.

What is 3D&T? I was half-afraid you were going to say Exalted, where killing an Ocean would actually be an impressive feat, but still in the realm of the (vaguely) plausible.

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>>54394475
>some hero getting shivved to death in the middle of the street
wew

>>54394594
3D&T is a rules light Brazilian rpg system.
Mind you, it was supposed to be an impressive feat in the system, mind you. But it's also the kind of system where things can get silly (anime/herakles/indian epics)-tier very fast (given it was made to copy Mecha and Tokusatsu before becaming a generic but anime-flavoured game system, it's working as expected).

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>>54394475
Let's be honest, if a DM tried to shove a small novel into my hand, I'd slap him with it.

You get a tourist pamphlet sized hand out to immerse me in, no more.

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>>54394260
> A lot of ships started to come from the ocean. I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.
>I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.

>>54394092
>>54394137
Just an example, GM was pissed I retired my GM so he "kidnapped" my wizard from his wizard school and made the party rescue me
He put me in a cell on the 3rd floor of a building
I literally did this while talking to the guards once I woke up
>Move to window
>Abrubt jaunt outside
>Cast feather fall
>Cast phantom steed
>Leave
He didn't know I don't lose the spells I didn't spend from the last day if I don't prepare them in the morning and that they are somatic and verbal only so even though they stole my book, component pounch, and left me naked I was still able to escape
He was obviously angry when I did that to the point of retconning and adding an antimagic field, than then later backfired on the encounter with the party because my kindappers all used magic and the moment he "removed" the antimagic field to fight the party I escaped again

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>>54394865
>He was obviously angry when I did that to the point of retconning and adding an antimagic field, than then later backfired on the encounter with the party because my kindappers all used magic and the moment he "removed" the antimagic field to fight the party I escaped again
Kudos mate.

>>54394865
See, if I was going to be a dick like this, I'd make the only major loot from that dungeon be the magic-dispelling manacles you were trapped in.

It'd be a fast, simple solution that the party could use for fun or profit later on.

That said, that GM sounds like a real dick. Why were you playing with him again?

>>54393462
I once played a game where we murderhoboed to the point that the DM turned the entire campaign into punishing us instead of just leaving, and it actually turned out to be one of the most awesome things I ever played. Does that count? Does anyone want to hear the story?

>>54395237
Sure, go for it.

>>54395194
Yeah, worst 9 sessions of my life. My problem is that I'm a very optimist and hopeful person, I thought that things were going to get better, but at the 7th session I only stayed to cause pain

About the manacles, I dunno which magic item you're talking about, but probably because he didn't expect that I could do shit without book and component pouch so he didn't prepare himself beforehanded

Also abrupt jaunt is a EX ability, antimagic field don't counter it, so I could still escape, I'd be eating 3 stories damage and would have to run naked through the city, but I can teleport inside a house without them noticing and hide there. I made this fella to ruin games, I had lots of backups

>>54395194
Anon, it's always storytime on /tg/. Regale us with your tales.

>Storytelling VtM campaign
>That Guy makes his character an intelligent and charismatic Toreador
>talk to random NPC
>"I get my gun out and threaten him!"
>"O-okay?"
>"Yeah, I smack him in the head!"
>another player, who's playing ex-mobster Nosferatu asks him why
>"He's a dirty capitalist pig."
>what
>every encounter looks like this
>Toreador tries to beat everyone to death, other players try to get him out of fights and end up talking with people
>few sessions later
>they meet 8th gen vampire, high position in Camarilla
>"I punch him in the balls!"
>"What the fuck, man?" "Shut the fuck up!"
>Finally he stops
>a session later I made him to sweet talk a girl
>"Bitch, let me pass!"
>"You CAN'T do that"
>"Why the hell not?"
>"You're a freaking Toreador, now use your fucking speech!"
>"Alright!"
>"Ooh, girl, you wanna bang?"
>"It doesn't work. Try harder."
>"How?!"
>"Just say what you would say"
>"I don't know how"
>"Then why the fuck did you choose a Toreador?"
>"They are hot and everyone likes them"
>whatdididotodeservethis.gif

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>>54393462

Here it is:


>Party is teifling alchemist, Orc bezerker, a naga rogue, a cleric and me, a Paladin
>So they walk down the stairs, and the lobby is right around the corner
>Rogue hears something
>someone creeping up the stairs behind them
>giant cultist cube out for our souls
>Run from the murder cube
>Nobody says shit about the cleric
>He also didn't get the hint
>Rogue just shrugs at me
>DM gives me a weird look
>NEar total party wipe, due to bad rolls. My Paladin is only one left, and on low health.
>Everyone else is bleeding out
>BBEG "Stand down, stop fighting me, and I shall let you live. Join with me, and serve me, and I shall bring back your beloved, gifted with life so she never has to leave you again."
>The rest of the players are silent
>Deal with glares
>Phew
>The dick-ass DM ain't having any of that
>I look at him
>I calmly point his "mistake"
>he becomes visibly upset, draws attention from everyone else
>Won't show it to anyone due to it being shiny.
>silence in the room
>spots the squishy members of the party
>Cleric puts up shields to defend them
>Mishap temporarily averted.
>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
>Cleric opens a door
>Call bullshit
>DM claims the cleric cast the spell
>Call bullshit on that
>DM's face is anus-red

>>54393823
>and then deleted us from his friends list once someone asked "what's a facebook?"

Fuck, I laffed

>>54395268
>Be 15
>Two buddies and myself are the trolls of our LGS DnD community, joining games as a unit, and usually wrecking them with either attacking people in the party not in our clique, or just murderhoboing the fuck out of everything we come across.
>New GM shows up and starts advertising for a game, does not realize not to include us.
>We join.
>He seemed to have a plot, he advertised that this would be a "serious game", but it got quickly derailed after I murdered the mayor of the town we started in and sodomized his corpse with a pinecone for randumb lulz.
>Become outlaws
>Eventually get caught by the old "infinite waves of guards" trick.
>Expecting a TPK and another campaign ruined, but our DM decides instead that we all get sent to this magical cave prison, which I later found out was modeled off of the Jeff Vogel Exile series.
>We have literally nothing but the clothes on our backs.
>No food, no source of light, no weapons, nothing.
>I'm certain that our GM was trying to just make playing as uncomfortable for us as he possibly could so we would be the one leaving instead of him walking away from the table.
>Everything is way stronger than we are (in part because neither of our spellcasters can cast anything, and we have no weapons or means to see away from some faintly glowing mushrooms), so we hide and run away from things a lot.
>I become the de facto party leader; I was playing a ranger, and was the only person who could reliably find food.
1/2

>>54395448
>EVENTUALLY gain a level
>Sink points into things like crafting for stone tools.
>Able to make a few crude weapons, and then kill a few of the local denizens, some armor.
>Around this time, GM starts offering us "not quite as good" spell components so that our wizard is something more than a jackass in a bathrobe, even if he is horribly underpowered.
>Have been too badly scared by the survival mode to randomly murderhobo anymore, and of course, most of the people we run into don't have anything worth looting if we killed them anyway.
>Start forming a bigger gang with a few of the more stable NPCs, and for the next year and a half until the group broke up for real life reasons, had an awesome time playing this survivalmode/nation builder in the underground hellhole, setting up permanent camps near some of the teleporter exit points, and giving new recruits a fighting chance, as well as setting up mushroom farms, patrolling our borders, etc.

>>54395448

I'm not even reading the second half. You're a total faggot.

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>>54395381
I don't understand like half of this.

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>>54395381
Am I retarded or does this make no goddamn sense? Is this even english?

>>54395381
I am confuse.

>>54395448
>>54395461
You were assholes, but it's nice to see the gm broke you into not playing like shitheads

>>54395381
Man, I read this like six times now and I have no idea what you're trying to say.

Let's start from the beginning:
>Nobody says shit about the cleric

What does this mean?

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>>54395381
>>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
I had to stop here

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>>54395381
Are you fucking illiterate?

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>>54395381
What

>>54395461
Did you learn your lesson not to ruin other people's games after that, Anon?

>>54395484
>>54395494
>>54395503
>>54395531
>>54395555
>>54395559

I like how everyone just had to point out the same thing. lol

>>54395602
Are you new here?

>>54395381
was this written by a neural net

>>54395381
I feel like there's a good story in here somewhere.

>>54395381
Wat

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>>54393462
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
No INT or WIS score is capable of justifying this in any fantasty game ever written by mankind.

The very premise of this justification for your death is infuriating.

>>54393462
Played shadowrun once, spent all my points making a hardboiled ex-cop with a death-car and a nice handcannon. We investigated some shit and I think there was a senator buying drugs or something. It was a long time ago. Anyway, we were spotted but I figured I would see where things went so I stood my ground and pretended to be a PI working on an adultery case, claimed Id seen my mark enter and was just waiting for him to leave. They didnt buy it, so while I was fumbling for my non-existent PI license, I triggered the remote control on my death car and had it run my new friend/interrogator over. I was sure I was dead, but the GM apparently hadnt noticed the thing had like 28 armor or something, so basically all these thugs come out and waste a ton of ammo magdumping into what is basically a block of solid steel, during which time I slipped in to an alley, then remote piloted my car to an abandoned lot. The GM was one of those types who's really out to get his players, so he as royally pissed he missed the chance to kill me. Shadowrun is a bad system. Thats no the lesson or anything, just the capstone to my memory of that game.

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>deep innadungeon
>DM's a guy at local store known for a lack of patience
>up to the point where you have 5 seconds to decide your actions in combat, or else you skip a turn
>anyway, rather than continuing along the main path we get sidetracked
>there's a hole, not deep enough to take damage, but deep enough to not be able to climb back up
>jump in solo, tell the party to throw me a rope when I call for it
>chamber is round, 2 corridors on the sides, 1 "contraption" between them
>portal at the end of a 10 meter corridor to the left
>and a wall described as "being possible to move"
>and the "contraption", which is just 8 levers
>try the portal first, throw an apple into it
>party members upstairs see an apple drop next to them
>get to the puzzle
>pull 2nd lever
>doesn't budge
>pull first
>drops a wall right at the start of the left hallway
>raises one at the start of right one
>third does the same, just the walls are further
>understand you need to pull levers 1 3 5 and 7
>fuck with the DM for 10 minutes, pulling the levers randomly, pretending to scribble shit in my notebook
>whenever another player tries to advise me, I just say "I almost got it, just gimme a minute"
>DM finally had enough
>starts yelling "this puzzle couldn't he any fucking easier, all you had to do is pull levers-"
>as the entire store watches him I interrupt and say "1 3 5 and 7? Yeah I got it, but I wanted to see if there are any secret combinations unlocking hidden chambers with more loot, or hidden passageways"
>he loses his shit and cans the whole campaign
>still loses his shit 2 years later at anyone mentioning 1357 near him
>his recent games start at 14:00 so I can always trigger him 3 minutes before them while around

>>54397461
This isn't even specially funny. I mean, he just has a lack of patience but your getting back at him was just kinda bland. Come on Anon, lie a little, make it interesting.

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>>54397510
Meh, I'm a boring person
The furthest I usually go is put puns as my character names and use the dadjokenomicon at every occasion I get

>>54394787
on the other hand if the novella was slightly longer they could have skipped the boring bullshit cutscenes that led to murdering the dmpc

>>54397617
>falling for the chainmail meme
top lel

>>54395461
Shit, now I want to run a game like that. The second half, that is. Sounds fucking awesome.

>>54397510
I dunno - I thought it was clever and made me chuckle.

>>54393930

you see people on this board that piss blood with rage over literally anything, just think of a thing, like I have a yuengling can next to my keyboard and I guarantee you somebody will reply to me and say "OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING HIPSTER FAGGOT DRINKS YUENGLING I WOULD KICK YOU OUT OF MY TABLE BITCH REEEE"

>>54395373

I feel like VtM is so fragile that even a normal sperg by D&D standards can still break it by just treating it as an arcade game but with dice instead of joysticks. You really just need pretentious clove-smoking goths to have a good game, and also none of them should be fucking each other otherwise it will still turn to shit.

>>54399745
What the hell is Yuengling?

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>>54397617
>tfw the other guys call me a corinthian helmet tipper when I refer to myself as a peltast
>tfw born in the wrong generation

LMAO

>>54400027

American "beer"

>>54400027
It's an American Lager.

The GM didn't get pissed not sure if this counts but I'm posting anyways
>pathfinder
>level 3
>group of 5
>half-orc sorcerer but I end up playing like a barbarian cause it's my first time
>everyone is level 3
>rolled 18 charisma 20 with racial bonus
>put as many points as possible into intimidation and diplomacy this will be important later
>we're going to clear out a dungeon near a small town
>basic stuff just learning the mechanics of combat
>we go into a room with two levers and a pool of water
>our Druid casts purify water
>gelatinous cube comes out and fights us
>our paladin literally takes bites out of it instead of hitting it with his warhammer
>takes 3 acid damage every time he does this
>the DM is playing it cool but clearly starting to get annoyed
>slay the cube and I rush to pull a lever
>stone slab seals us in water begins flooding in
>paladin does a strength check to break down the door
>it works
>I cast mend to repair the slab so the water can't flood the rest of the chamber
>find the big bad of the dungeon
>a giant jackle-headed man around 8ft tall
>alter of loot behind him
>he shouts to us about how the alter is to the gods and he is to defend it
>I intimidate him into thinking I'm the god of war
>have to do a second check because he's doubting me
>net 20
>he accepts I'm a god we take the loot and never had to fight the dungeon boss
Sorry for being shit at greentext

>>54400208
Doesn't count. Sounds like good GM-ing, letting player skills affect the adventure in a major way.

Does it count as "breaking the GM" if you cause him to laugh so hard the entire game has to grind to a complete halt while he gets his shit together?

>>54400326
I think it does.

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>>54393462
I snickered like a little bitch at the "Whats a facebook" heres a capture of the story for anyone who wants it.

>>54400326
Well you gotta tell us how

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>>54400854
>mfw a greentext story I wrote actually got saved.
Thanks mate.

>>54393462

Not broke, but made him ask us for half an hour so he could try to figure what was to come next.

The thing is my character had pretty high base speed and a dot of celerity. But had never had need to run far enough for it to matter, and didn't know he HAD celerity (literally woke up from the embrace at the beginning of the first session)

Nobody else was particularly fast.

So the GM, he's made sure to talk to all of us in advance and had gotten to know what overlaps there were between everyone's likes, figured a pulse pounding chase through Chinatown would be a lot of fun. (Which it totally would have been)

In fortunately that ended up being the first time Ryan Torvald discovered he was supernaturally speedy and tackles the man to the ground before anyone really knew what was going on.

Silver Lining: we ended up getting stranded in the goblin market because the guy we captured was a changing and the whole goblin market thing was awesome.

>>54400326
Do tell

>>54393823
funny how no one screenshot that

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>>54393976
>Once I had my character kill the ocean (as in, the water body that constitues most of the world's surface).

>>54395448
>Two buddies and myself are the trolls of our LGS DnD community, joining games as a unit, and usually wrecking them with either attacking people in the party not in our clique, or just murderhoboing the fuck out of everything we come across.
I hope there's a special circle in hell dedicated to people like you

>>54395381
This is why we don't let markov chains play d&d

>>54400208
oh boy, sounds like the time I bluffed a bunch of egyptians to think I was the god of law on my inquisitor

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>>54395381
>>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit

>>54393462

Weirdly my players got autistic for the exact opposite reason to this. Im very loose with knowledge ingame because I think the more information the players have the better position they're in to make informed decisions. Likewise nobody wants to be in a situation where they don't know what a bear is.
Yet my players joke/complained that their characters couldn't possibly know that constantly.

>For example players encounter a tribe who they save from a wild animal attack, they don't know the tribes language but they travel with them , I get them to do a few checks as they sit with the tribe over a period of days to pick up the language. They pass and so I inform them that in conversation they pick up that the tribe have been betrayed by a rival tribe. And the party go 'oh wow that's a complex word to pick up lol lol'

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>>54395381
Fuckin neural nets fuckin with my threads.

>>54395381
I have dyslexia and this gives me the unique ability to read gibberish.
When I read words they already get mixed and mangled in my mind, so my subconscious mind has adapted to just shuffle words around until they make coherent sentences.
But even I cant read this unholy abomination.

>>54395381
Sooo... you mean the dm forget about a player (he is shy or something?) and incidently said player had a cleric charcters? So you you fucked up the BBEG evil blackmail scene?

...am i right?

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>>54400208
>>gelatinous cube comes out and fights us
>>our paladin literally takes bites out of it instead of hitting it with his warhammer
>>takes 3 acid damage every time he does this
>>the DM is playing it cool but clearly starting to get annoyed

>>54402014
I put the 5e spell list into a Markov chain generator once, came up with some interesting stuff.

>>54395461
I'm not even mad, this is hilarious.

Was dming a game and the NPC helping the characters was a lvl 20 bard with the nickname of the "betrayer", Party likes him and hates him for obvious reasons, They are currently working together to save the world they are visiting, they needed to gather legendary weapons to fight these monsters. One player A evil wizards steal a legendary dagger and travels to his realm. I look at him and say "well damn, what do I do now", so we end the session and he takes over as DM he allows me to take over the bard character as my own. And I hand over my notes. Mind you this has been a long adventure and the characters where 11th level, they started at 5th. We eventually make our way to his realm to retrieve the stolen dagger and we go to his country a bizarre world where the peasantry and laborers are skeletons that where former citizens. He gave them personalities and emotions so I try to incite a revolt, "you cant do that their skeletons, they cant be charmed" , Point out we had lengthy conversations with multiple skeletons in multiple occasions, Makes me roll, high difficulty. Roll nat 20, They skeleton revolt begins and the party is now bringing down the town each with their small band of skeleton followers. DM ends the session because I turned it on his head. We are making it to the Fortress of the city government and We hear chanting and see a ritual sacrifice, Roll Knowledge, I know its a demon summoning ritual, I ask if their is a vocal element to the ritual Dm verifies. Start counter song. "DAMN I forgot about counter song!" Party rushes the cultists and create a wondrous bloody mess. Damn Ends session. Cant make it to the next campaign, party stormed the castle I was captured and my tongue was chopped off. I make it back and see what happened, all my Bard powers are oratory, don't get mad and smile. Follow party into the boss chamber where the ritual is happening again, Hand scroll to rough with use magic, rough casts make hole at my tongue and I cast counter song.XD

>>54393823
Good story and good job. Made me chuckle. That DM was a shitlord.

>>54406810
>shitlord

Tumblr's that way.

>>54407427
Shitlord is a /pol/ meme.

>>54408422
lolno

>>54409543
Its a /v/ meme?

>>54394717
Sounds interesting desu, is there an English version or would it only be in Portuguese?

>>54410431
In the sense that it's used ironically by /v/ and /pol/ to make fun of tumblrinas who use it unironically, yes

>>54395381
Looks like a Markov chain generated shitpost, I love progress.

>>54395691
B-but the captcha?

>>54411166
It got upgraded. Soon it will be too late. Siri will tell you to google shit for her. Or else.

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This shit vaguely tell me something.
I hope I wasn't the DM because that would have been fucking retarded.

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>>54395381
What the fuck did he mean by this?

>>54393462
>>The fuck?
>>"Why didn't you tell?"
>>"You didn't roll Nature?"

It... it doesn't work that way. Players can't just say "I roll [knowledge skill]". That's not their domain. Burn your DM at the stake and scatter the ashes across the ocean.

>>54395381
This is actually some very well-written gibberish, nicely done anon (though I know you didn't write it). Tasty pasta.

>>54395448
read one line and : you're a shithead

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>>54393462
As a forever GM, I'll post one time when my players broke me
>Start a Fallout campaign
>Second one with the same characters
>The stakes were supposed to be bigger this time, so all shit broke loose already at the first session and they had a big evil enemy organisation to fight, although they didn't know much about it yet
>I prepared a lot of stuff for them to do from the very beginning to push the plot forward, but instead of getting straight to it they've decided that they wanted to do something other first
>I think they wanted to find a car for themselves, because they've lost their previous one, but I'm not sure
>Well alright I guess
>I decided that them wandering around and searching for a fixable car would be a good opportunity to let them discover some more info about the bad guys
>They stumble upon a big camp of the enemy organisation, used primarily to indoctrinate local population to their ideology, but since it was also supposed to re-educate the wastelanders it resembled a very dark and satirical version of a school
>The PCs decide to infiltrate it
>Shenanigans begin when they get inside
>Some of them are having too much fun to leave
>What was supposed to be a serious post-apo campaign with big, possibly world changing stakes quickly changed into a fucking high school simulator
>Complete with sexy teachers, smuggling drugs from caravanners through the fence etc.
>At the beginning I was sure it was just going to be a single silly beach session, but I was wrong
>Just straight up cancelled the campaign when I've seen it's going nowhere.
>All my plans went to trash and I'm still not sure what exactly went wrong to this day

>>54402267
to be fair that is quite fast
why not just have a travelling tribesman or village elder do the translating ?

>>54397461
Out of curiosity, how did you figure out 1357 from that?

>>54412343
Have you ever tried to actively pick up a language? I don't mean by attending some bullshit class or course or listening to some lesson. This kind of shit doesn't stick. When you just sit down with someone whose language you don't know at all, and do your best to communicate and learn without resorting to any language you already know, anyone can very easily pick up hundreds of words per day. I'm not joking. All it takes is honest exposure and getting out of your comfort zone.

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>>54412318
>Players are having too much fun
>Cancel the campaign because my players are having fun in the wrong way and I am incapable of sharing in their enjoyment.

>>54412318
Your problem here is that serious plots tend to wear people down. You have to be very diligent in collecting, remembering, filtering, and applying information at all times, especially around complex webs of characters and narratives. This, over a long period of time, will become stressful to people, and the worst part is they might not even realize that it even IS stressful to them.

They probably saw the light-hearted shenanigans of the school and felt the pressure break for once and just went hog wild like a virgin at a brothel with daddy's credit card, not thinking about what daddy is going to say at his next month's bill.

When you make stories, it's important to add in the "filler" episodes too, just so your players have a chance to breath and rest.

>>54412468
>DM's aren't allowed to have fun
I also straight up cancel campaigns if I'm not having fun. Don't like it? Too bad.

My Fun > Group Fun > Your Fun.

>>54412468
>game turns into a stale cavalcade of dumb jokes leading nowhere
>It doesn't resemble the original premise of the setting, game, campaign, story or anything at all and is pretty much just plainly absurd
>Half of the players get tired because they want to actually continue, but other half is dragging them down in the name of shenanigans
>The whole thing is nowhere near what I signed up for(especially since it was the players who asked me for a second, more high stakes campaign) and doesn't give any hopes of getting back on track
I mean, if they wanted a joke campaign, they could have asked me for a joke campaign. I really don't want to sound self entitled or something, but the way it went I just felt that my time and work were not respected.

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>>54412318
Why not just have a raider attack sack the school, blasting it to pieces and killing most of the inhabitants. When the party fights them off they get formally invited to join the cause of the bad guys, learning the location of one of their bases so they can infiltrate or even join them.

Alternatively, if they choose to run, they meet a dying staff member that shares the same information with them in a "Run here to safety" kind of way.

This gives the players a sight on their real objective and removes the school from the equation.

Why cancel an entire campaign over something solved so easily? Was there any personality clashing within the group? General disdain for the players? There has to be more here.

>>54407427
What's a tumblr?

>>54412899
I mean yeah, I had like 3 ideas already how to "force" them to stop this bullshit, but after having 2 sessions of it hoping they would get bored and sort it out themselves I kind of stopped giving a fuck and the half of the players which didn't really like it as well got burned away, so the whole thing just kind of dissolved and I just eventually made an official cancellation.

>>54394475
Et tu, Anon?

>>54397617
>1136
what did he mean by this, is this meant to be the novorgrad rebellion?

>>54411839
But Anon, the ocean is dead.

>>54411839
how should the game work then, go ahead.

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More of a ThatGuy, but i'll give it a whack
>A little lonely at Uni
>As a last resort, attend the local body odor exchange forum, the "Gamers" club
>All the current sessions full, so I was told that a new session was starting today, a basic Pathfinder game.
>Begin making my char while I wait, average half-orc druid
>GM arrives
>GM is scruffy half-asian wearing a black kimono
>Since the date is not October 31st, I am already regretting my desicion to attend, but I have already commited
>GM says that everyone else should be showing up soon (they don't), and while we wait he will give me a "quick" rundown of the setting
>30 minutes of lore, with key features like "The gods have all died, all races are allies except elves, and there is no form of religion"
>I feel ill
>GM explains MY backstory
>I lived in a rural society to the west, that had no religion but fears demons, which attacked sometimes at night
>However, everyone I knew died because of new demons; faceless, grey tentacled beasts that combine living flesh into beasts mwahaha
>I mention how that sounds similar to the Eldrazi, as I love MTG
>GM gives me an annoyed look, pic related, and explains very sternly that this is his own idea
>After some waiting, only one other player shows up
>An autistic man I have seen around campus, most notably working his job at the food court cleaning tables (However, he did not wait for people to finish, he would insist they move their plates around so he can clean their table)
>Has made the most generic wizard possible, blue cloak and cap with stars and everything
>Start at a sheriffs office
>Sheriff is introduced as a fucking giant black demon
>Giant black demon greets me warmly and extends a hand for a handshake
>Becuase of my explained backstory, I do not shake the demon's fucking hand and insists that just looking for work
>GM looks at visibly bewildered that my char did not like his DMPC, and every npc in the encounter would remark how "edgy" I was

Should I continue?

>>54413796
By all means

>>54413796
>>GM explains MY backstory
I hate this, GMs shouldn't touch the backstory of other characters

backstories are meant to be sacred

fuck me I mad now

>>54413879
My rule is that up until the game starts, the backstory is yours and anything you tell me is set-in-stone canon. As soon as session 1 begins, your backstory is mine and anything you left out is fair game.

Mostly just use it for personal quests, family-related twists, once a player told me they wanted a big revelation twist so it turned out their character was an android.

>>54413674
>Player encounters monster they've never seen before.
>DM tells player(s) to roll [knowledge skill] and determines how much the party as a whole knows based on whoever rolled highest.
or
>Player encounters monster they've seen before.
>DM tells player(s) the relevant cliff notes related to the creature as the characters would've known about this creature even if the player doesn't.
Throwing a weird homebrew creature at the party (especially one that can insta-kill you if you fail a single save) without giving them fair warning is like making a PC walk off a cliff because you neglected to mention that they were near a cliff and they didn't roll perception beforehand.

>>54413927
No, fuck you. It should be backwards. Before the game starts, you can give advice and recommend fixing of a player's backstory to match your setting.

After the game starts, you don't fucking touch it without asking the PC, and you definitely don't change or add stuff before consulting.

I hate you, I would sperg out at your table and make everyone uncomfortable. I would probably hold my tears too like an angry anime girl, feeling impotent while you rape my backstory.

>>54393823
>>54393686
>>54393592
>>54393462
9/10

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>>54393592
>>54393686
>>54393823

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>>54413796
how about a true story next time, champ

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>>54413796
Continued
>After being ridiculed for roleplaying at a depth similar to mediocre porn, we are given our job
>We have been given warrants and the temporary statuses of marshal in order to investigate an elf woman's manor across town, who is suspected of aiding bandits
>I ask the demon to give us horses so that we can travel there quickly
>Autistic guy speaks up for the first time (That isn't true, the first time he spoke was to tell me that I, "Didn't have to do an orc voice becuase thats odd to do in a RPG"
>He begins with me that if we just go to her house and try to enter it, we are BREAKING THE LAW, and we have to sneak there
>Sneak
>3 miles
>Like, a wizard and druid full on crouching and rolling 3 miles, this was his plan
>Explain that we are marshals and have warrants to search her house, and in fact, we are the law in the first place
>"But what if we get caught? We will go to jail!"
>After an argument similar to "No, I'm Dirty Dan" trying to explain his confusion on the basics of law, the GM gets agitated and just tells us we make it there no problem.
>Half trying to work with Autismo the Wise, I say we can wait until night in front of her manor's park, and then break in
>To try to break the tension building in the room, I expalin that I lay down my leathers and begin brewing tea, and invite the wizard to take a rest with me for the remainderof the day
>I shit you not, with the most spergy voice I have ever heard, he exclaims. "That...that is the worst frickin idea I have ever heard! What if people think we are a couple... or or gay!
>I am pale in the face, and the GM just takes a deep sip of his Monster
>Autismo the wise ends up taking a level of fatigue, as he chooses to stand specifically 10 feet away from me for 8 hours until it was dark
>We approach the locked door of the manor, and I ready myself to break it down.
> BUT ANON, WE WILL GET ARRESTED
>The GM puts his head down

One time, I was starting up a game with a new group, mostly people who hadn't played DnD before. I had a village, surrounding area, and mystery all prepared to introduce them to the game. In the first session, they managed to
>get thrown in jail
>get out of jail
>break back into jail
>break out again
>steal a horse
>get in a Benny Hill-style chase with the militia
>steal another horse
>try to burn down the next village they got to
>get captured again
>ignite a race war
>escape during the chaos and ride into the sunset

I learned to stop preparing things after that.

>>54413879
>backstories are meant to be sacred
No, fuck you. Backstories are 90% cancer and are designed in a way that makes them being the main character the best way to deal with it.

>>54410556
I'm not the ocean killer, just sharing this translation from another thread.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JroB5R-G1h5ME2tnzlvPI0oDmCsOzmq7BwMtHFyfMLE/mobilebasic?pli=1

Keep in mind that it's a very light system, and that was the intent. But I like how you can run pretty much anything with it, from low-powered to exalted level shenanigans.

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>>54395381
What the fuck

>>54414446
Oh, is that the end? I'm enjoying the story, it just seems like you have more to tell.

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>>54395381
So, he forgot that the cleric was still alive?

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>online text-only campaign
>doing chargen, notice another PC has a name that starts with E and so does mine
>jokingly suggest that the other players should use E names too
>they all do it the absolute madmen
>the names are also all around the same length so you have to really squint to tell them apart
>campaign starts
>GM rolls with it at first
>then he starts confusing names and misinterpreting characters' actions as being another's
>each session he gets more and more noticeably angry at it
>only 4 or so sessions in, he caves and Explodes the campaign
>to this day the GM still gets triggered by hearing the letter "E" without context

IRC, not even once

>>54402937
Post some?

I just flat out bully my GM. Whenever I think he's doing something retarded, I speak up. If he doesen't bend over, I start "articulating" my points in more aggresive matter, untill he finally breaks down. And he always does, because he's a little bitch.
I feel like a piece of shit afterwards though.

>>54394475
>DM with a DMPC not fudging his stats so that you can't beat him
You know how I know this is bullshit

>Playing Dark Sun
>Party is, on average, morally grey; excepting a reformed evil-sorcerer's apprentice
>said apprentice is technically still a powerful enough member of the local oppressive regime, until news of his defection is spread
>party is in shit covered little town outside of capital of said regime
>some misunderstanding causes us to kill a suspicious person, who was just a harmless senior citizen
>the guards confront us
>our official tries to bluff that he's here on business and will call down his scorn on the town
>DM avoids having to let us stay in town by ignoring that and having a woman step out from the crowd to beg us to leave peacefully
>it's the local darling who is very fair, maybe even pallid, and she personally knows the seven dwarven guardsmen that have their weapons leveled at us
>Yes, Snow White and her Seven Dwarves are kicking us out of town.
>In a Dark Sun game
>The DM was quite pleased with himself about working that in
...

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>>54415468
>>54414446
Continued
>Ignoring him, I smash the lock and enter the house
>Autismo gets angry that we cannot retcon that action, so he asks if he can cast Prestidigitation to fix the lock.
>The GM, does not care at this point and just allows it, as we have been playing for nearly an hour and a half
>For the rest of the session, Prestidigitation is his favorite spell
>We end up encountering a bandit inside the house, who assualts us.
>As I beat him with my greatstaff, Autismo keeps casting web over and over again, even though we explain the effect does not stack
>"He might break free" he says over and over again as he uses the last of his spells that day
>Eventually we win, and as I solve the plotline, Autismo literally begs the GM to cast Prestidigitaion to, quote, "Clean up all the blood and damage and webs and our footprints in the house"
>Gm says no
>"Ok then I do that myself and see if the bandit has left any of his clothes around, so we can take it and hide it so no one knows anyone was here so we won't get in trouble"
>Gm is dumbfounded, we both try to remind him that WE ARE THE FUCKING LAW
>After alantutorials does all of what he says, taking only a couple of hours, we leave with enough incriminating evidence
>GM has given us a compass described as "when you hold it, it points you to where the bandits are"
>I believe at this point the GM is sick of Autismo's grand schemes and my reluctance to follow the GM's railroad.

The game just slogs on from here, with every encounter becoming an arguement to the point where the GM just packed up and said that was the end of the session. GM was also visibly upset couldn't solve any of his puzzles with all of my passing checks resulting in "You have no idea"

I believe the final straw was when Autismo
asked the dumbest fucking question

I shit you not he asked this

"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

>>54415796
>We're going to the next town and have to detour down a more dangerous town, for a good reason that I cannot remember
>Party comes across tower built into cliff with a cave next to it
>through some regular playing that I cannot remember at all (as my character was not present) we get a macguffin stone from the cave
>we all go into the tower
>we encounter a greeter of sorts
>said person extols the wonder of some weird thing we don't understand
>it turns out that this tower is being used for some summoning ritual
>The DM tells us that it's some C'Thulhu-esque Elder God that will destroy creation if it is allowed to enter this plane
>He tells us that, through extended conversation, our characters get a general idea that if whatever in this tower is successful it will destroy everything
>the greeter finishes by telling us that if we dare to stay at this crucial point that we will be trespassing and that the tower full of half-abominations will be pressed against us
>"For, after all, we only need the one and only [macguffin stone] to finish the ritual and we are so close to finding it! Flee while you still can!"
>The party, knowing that we have the stone and that we're mostly out for our own hides and that these enemies sound kinda scary, leaves.
>The DM just deflates and barely responds to us.

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>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"
Oh lawdy

>>54395381
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

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>>54395381
This paste is basically picrelated.

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>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

...what?

>>54395691
That was my thought too. It's so close to being a story it's frightening.

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>>54415805
>alantutorial
Fucking perfect anon. Glad this wasn't just a 1-parter.

>>54415755
Well, you are.

>>54412944
Who is the hacker known as 4chan

>>54406664
Game set and match

>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"
I promise to never complain about my players again.

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>Playing WFRP 2E back when it came out
>First tabletop for all the players and the GM
>Only have 3 players so the GM makes a GMPC
>"Aranis the half elven ranger who's lived for 300 years who knows everything, btw he's also the party leader and has perfect stats"
>Ok.jpg
>Throughout the game Aranis plays the condescending all knowing one who belittles everyone constantly whilst saving the day
>He's Chaotic Neutral but always tries to talk me out of stealing as a thief
>One day I set up a trap for his character, basically I push him down some stairs and use a net to restrain him as he fails all his saves then just stabbing his character
>The vein on the GMs forehead is pulsing
>Has to spend a fate point to save himself from dying
>WELL DONE ANON
>YOU'VE FINALLY MADE ARANIS REVEAL HIS TRUE POWER
>Rolls a bunch of dice
>AHA HE HAS BROKEN FREE AND NOW BREAKS BOTH YOUR LEGS
>But he won't kill you anon, for Aranis is a virtuous and heroic character, you are welcome
>Next week
>"Yeah so I've decided I don't want to run this anymore"

>>54413927
I like your style. I'd gladly play a game with you.

>>54413960
Chill the fuck out buddy. Something tells me he'd try to compromise and ask permission first (like a normal, well adapted human), but if your backstory is so amazing and untouchable just write a damn novel.

>>54415642
underrated post

>>54413796
>>54414446
>Body odor exchange forum
>Autismo the Wise
>Autismo the homophobic?

You're skilled at injecting actual fucking humor into your stories. Thanks for sharing, did laugh.

Also >half-orc druid
My nigga

>>54400027
A Jedi in training

Short and dumb, but a story which amuses me, nonetheless.

>Playing NE/LN (but not LE) half-orc druid. Sessions starts in the geographic place where my forest _was_.
>Huge sandpit, dark and edgy sky colors, horizon is barely legible.
>No idea where we are or wtf is going on. Decide to head in direction of nearest village. Neither survival nor area knowledge help us.
Later find out that we're to have a railroad crossing with some demon-lord invested in the bloodwar. Most of us have no idea wtf this is about because we haven't consumed all the fucking Forgotten Realms material (not even a very compelling setting, imho). Ultimately, our search for a village would be meaningless.
>Part of the scenery described on the horizon was a mountain, with a stream.
>I reason, both as a druid and as a person with any sense, that civilized people and their villages are usually not very far from streams and rivers, so I propose we head in the direction of the river.
>DM replies "Oh, I can tell you're going to be one of Those Players. You're going to give me a hard time.", followed closely by something not entirely unlike an evil chuckle mixed with a cry for help.
Not really sure what he meant by that, just because I approached the obvious problem before us with straightforward reasoning. Turns out the problem was a red herring all along, and we spent several minutes rolling survival checks to travel before we met the demon boss. Really not sure why he played it like that.

As the sessions wore on, I would be more or less the de facto leader of the party, which confused the hell out of me and I did not ask for. I actually gave the GM the least shit of all the players, I was probably the most straightforward roleplayer in the group, and didn't do any weird weeb shit or stupid-evulz shit. I just wanted to be a hermit and protect my forests with necromancy, and that's how I played.

>>54395448
>We made everyone else not have fun for our own enjoyment

>end it

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>>54415805
>autismo the wise
>alantutorials

>>54415805
somebody screencap this shit

Thank you, you glorious bastards. I've been waiting for a green text thread

>inb4 make one

I have no stories sadly

>>54419029
just make the villain a really big rat and be done with it

>>54399745
I'd give you shit for drinking it out of cans, tbqh. But I've been at an art installation when someone said to me
>you look like a hipster god rn
So nothing I say means anything.
>tips fedora

>>54393976
was it an Exalted game? cos that sounds about average.

>>54412468
>The GM's fun doesn't matter
Are you high on narcotics or something?

>>54417744
He drinks a Jedi? This is some pretty big Sith shit.

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>>54395381
The reaction to this alone had me in stitches. Never change /tg/

>>54395373
>In order for your character to be good at something, you the player must be good at it
Hope you have a good oncologist, anon, because you're cancer.

>>54393823
Fucker deserved it. Definitely a dick move on your part, but he kinda brought it on himself. Giving you a, what, plus 2 on your attack roll (or whtever favoured enemy gives in your system) wouldn't have been that big of a deal.

>>54394787
Dm here; I once typed up a 4 paragraph intro, then deleted it and condensed it into a single paragraph for this reason. If it's longer than a book's blurb, it's too long.

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>>54395381
What the everliving fuck did I just read?

Not an amazing story but it's the only one in recent memory.
>Get asked to join an IK game with a GM that spent the first two days bragging in the group chat that his games are amazing and challenging and all this bull I stopped caring about
>Opt to try and have some fun and make a Trollkin Bushwhacker/Warlock with a Frost Troll
>Two of the four players quit the day before the game, not wanting to deal with the GM's I know everything about this game so I'm better than you attitude
>My Trollkin and a Human do the first job we're hired to do to rescue a prisoner in a Khadorian tower figuring fuck it go out guns blazing before leaving ourselves
>GM asks smugly if he want's him to make the encounters he had planned easier to which we decline
>Bash through the front door and in the first round of combat 6 of the 15 soldiers in the first encounter are dead and gone before they could even fight back
>End of third round, all the soldiers are dead and three frozen as we start heading up the tower, can hear the GM getting annoyed over the VC
>Second and last combat encounter he had planned, a group of 6 Doom Reavers in a narrow corridor.
>Use Warbeast to hold up the corridor and the soldiers, eventually take down the Reavers with my Warbeast only taking a few points of damage thanks to buff and abilities
>GM now audibly pissed off at me accusing me of min maxing my character other such things
>Ignore him and move onto the last encounter with a Grey Lord, GM puts on his smug airs again as he had a whole speech prepared for the encounter prolly wanting him to be a reoccurring villain for the group
>Make my Frost Troll rush him while he is still talking and attempt to throw him off the tower, my rolls succeed while the GM's fail, Grey Lord falls 10 stories to the ground to his death
>Stroll down the tower steps to take the Grey Lord's hat for myself, proceed to ask GM when the next game will be and if it'll actually damage my character, GM ends up leaving the game then and there

>>54393462
Usually I'm the DM, and my players break me, but this time the shoe was on the other foot
>Be me, usual DM for our (fairly new to Pathfinder) group
>That Guy of the party is one of my best friends
>She wants to Dm, and I want to play for once, so I roll up a Dwarf fighter
>Party is a Human Fighter who's chaotic evil (player is a larper, and his character is allowed the snowflake alignment on the condition he RP the absolute fuck out of it), a human rogue, a human cleric and my dwarf
>I'm actually the only non-human character in this party; dwarves as you'll likely know get bonus racial hatreds to goblins
>I'm an amateur (read; shit) writefag, so for fun a few days before I wrote up a short story about my character and how he got his legendary hate for goblins
>Game begins; mild suprise that I'm not a human, and Dm skims gm handbook entry on them
>Game is basically raiding a mansion, grabbing some stuff and gtfo'ing while keeping a DMPC alive
>Early RPing sets up me and the warrior as buddies; I came back to save him, and he sees me as worthy as respect
>We get to the mansion, and out spring a team of goblins hired by the DMPC to assist us
>The DMPC speaks of how noble they are, and that they're unlike the rest of their kind
>Dm is happy; she's given us some allies and tried to add a twist
>But they're goblins
>Rev up greataxe
>As the goblins go to lead us to the miniboss, I axe one in the back
>Miniboss rears up
>Dm is pissed but determined to stay the course; goblins forgive me for attacking in the heat of the moment
>axe to the fucking face for you, greenskin
>Rogue freaks and stabs one of the goblins I axed, killing it
>Human starts fighting to protect his one ally in the party (and to steal their shit)


1/2

>>54420654
>Pretty soon DM's snowflake goblins are dead
>Ooc "Why the fuck did you guys do that?"
I show her the 20 page fkn backstory at this point, and she just sighs. Decides to continue with the campaign regardless, after a 2 minute coffee break for her to collect her notes. Appears that the goblins were important to the plot, and the DMPC will have to take on a greater roll.

>Literally hacking limbs off hem as trophies
>DMPC is upset; they were his friend
>"Goblin lover you say?"


>DMPC's corpse is left for the wolves, and we loot the mansion. Cleric died in a fight at the mansion
>Human and dwarf basically mug the rogue, but then get into shitfight over who gets what
>Party turn on each other
>Cleric's corpse is still warm
>Angrily go their separate ways
>Rogue has no armour or weapons; decides to go with dwarf because he's relatively reasonable compared to the human
>The ride off into the sunset to hunt down any surviving goblins
>Occasionally they appear in my campaigns to help fight greenskins
>Dm gets a harrowed look in her eyes when they appear
>She's still mildly pissed I broke her game

>>54420654
>>54420678
How is the GM a That Guy? She sounds like she did her best to go along with what you were doing, and the only thing she did wrong was not reading your 20 FUCKING PAGES of backstory.

She's not even that pissed about you breaking her game afterwords, you just sound like an ass.

>>54420678
>>54420774
Actually, I just realized that you said that you didn't even give her the backstory ahead of time. That's even worse.

>>54420654
>>54420678
>I'm an asshole, the post
Great job, dickhead. You're officially THAT GUY.

>>54395448
Are you in Argentina, by any chance?

>>54393823
well done, that GM was a fucking douche

what's with faggot GMs thinking their mission is to fight against the party and not letting them have fun?

>>54400027
It's the least-bad of the cheap American beers.

>>54395381
It's like the third time I read this pasta and the reactions always leave me giggling.

>>54394475
The best response to a DMPC is just to say 'nah I don't want to travel with that person'

The GM will probably either kill you, or cry.

>>54394594
He probably put the world in peril, just to deal with some pirates.

>>54396493
Well it works if the players are from the capital city of safety. Or like, nobles who decided to run away for adventure!

But they should know so at the beginning of the game, at least. And they should probably still know some weird rumors (that have a high chance of being false).

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>>54420650

Based troll posting.

>>54402489
He must really like jelly.

>>54412828
"Alright guys, half of you obviously aren't enjoying (the current situation) so let's get back on track. (introduce change / end the current situation), (remind the players of their goals or talk to them about their new goals). What do you do?"

>>54413016
>half of the players don't enjoy the high school shittery
>still they decide to suffer through it instead of getting the information and getting the fuck out of there
>I decide to let the players who want a silly highschool game drag the other players, and myself, through it
Good players you have there. Nice GMing buddy.

>>54413879
What I do is let them pick their race, class, etc and then give setting friendly suggestions on where they may have come from and why they might have started adventuring.

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>>54415805
>As I beat him with my greatstaff, Autismo keeps casting web over and over again, even though we explain the effect does not stack
>"He might break free" he says over and over again as he uses the last of his spells that day

>>54415805
Put me in the screencap.

One time I cucked my gm by making his girlfriend cum just by describing what my character was doing to her character

>>54394082
Virt?

>>54421884
Don't give that irrelevant faggot the credit, let him be forgotten.
Even Manlet tears is less pathetic

>>54394042
you're an asshole and an idiot.

>>54422229

How so? GM didn't want to tell what kind of game it was going to be, even when specifically sales. He proceeds to be useless and have 0 fun, tells the GM about this who ignores him.

What should he have done? Just sit there bored out of his mind?

>>54422588
Sales = asked. Don't know how that happened.

>>54395461
The GM is a true This Guy

>>54422588
>>54422598
>Builds a character concept that is average at the best of times
>includes no fall-backs for common situations in which his main abilities will fail.
>is angry at the DM for trying to keep the group cohesive and not have every fucktard roll up a new char every other session leading to the a rotating door of heroes that is a fucking nightmare for any kind of narrative
>takes this for 7 sessions, blaming the DM instead off just leaving if he has no fun
>builds a net-build meme and derails the campaign

>GM didn't want to tell what kind of game it was going to be, even when specifically sales
Maybe because he does not want people hard countering his campaign beforehand? Judging by how much emphasize >>54394042 put on mechanics, he's the sort of idiot who thinks he's hot shit at builds, makes shit char, notices after two sessions and wants a re-roll. Sensible people build all-rounders if they don't know what's coming.

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>>54395381
Party is Teifling alchemist is to /tg/
what Krogan Kock is to /gif/

Give it time and it will fade away into obscurity forever.

>>54420678
>>54420654
Great! now I want to punch you in the throat for being an asshole. And I have to GM tonight, you know that's going to bleed into the session!

Fuck you!

Not sure if it really counts as breaking the DM, but it's how we all ended up leaving her campaign.

>play for a few months, gradually becomes pretty clear the whole campaign is the DM's crazy power trip
>one guy wanted to burn down a forest early on so she had a dragon swoop out of nowhere and eat him
>no rolls, no options, just bullshit attacks because she wouldn't let him break railroad (though it was for dumb reasons)
>NPC later DMPC is my character's lover that she inserted independently of my own backstory
>was a dumb drug mule (my character was a crime boss before getting backstabbed and becoming a PC)
>went on to be a tavern maid and have my character's son
>nothing special
>we travel to the underdark, bring NPC tavern maid and son with because seemed like fun
>get separated from them
>reconnect in Menzo
>she's now higher level than us somehow, having been separated for three days
>2 year old son can accidentally cast level 9 spells as a sorcerer
>tavern maid turned high level warrior becomes DMPC
>we go on with campaign to gather allies to stop an enemy army
>finally big climactic fight with army
>all our allies show up
>DM springs horrifically awful combat mechanics on us
>we get wiped multiple times save for tank
>my character can't die during this battle because a god promised, but god castrates my character when he "dies" as punishment
>only win the battle because another DMPC (literally her character from another campaign) is super overpowered and does it all for us
>after the battle
[1/2]

>>54422891
>obviously meant to chase the remainder of the enemy army into the Underdark
>my character and another PC discuss it and they decide it would make no sense to challenge the force alone when our allies clearly have it handled
>DM interjects into our IC conversation to tell us that if we didn't want to chase the enemies then we could "fuck off out of [her] campaign"
>this was advertised as a sandbox campaign
>literally 30 seconds of silence where we all look at each other, everyone wanting to drop out but not wanting to be the first
>she smiles and proceeds with the session like we've all agreed not to
>have to go get married to the DMPC from before because we used it as a bartering chip with her earlier
>at the wedding
>"and now your vows"
>my character has always been a twatty rogue who always insults everyone powerful and gets away with it because winks and charming
>whole vow is just my character saying how great he is and how the DMPC owes him everything she has because he brought her all the money and power she has (accurate)
>DMPC storms off, DM starts telling me what an awful person I am
>no shits given any further
>spend the rest of the session ignoring the major enemies, causing random problems, generally being no shits murderhobos
>after that session we all agree we're done and I take over as DM and we kick her out
>final boss has been destroyed

>>54394787
Fuck, that actually sounds good.
I'd totally print out a trifold tourist pamphlet for the main area of a setting. Like a real tourist thing, with local attractions and amenities and everything.

American rpgs are retarded sometimes. Being intelligent isn't the same as knowing the difference between species.

The abos in straya have like subhuman levels of intelligence but they know a lot about animals, plants, nature and life itself.

>>54399874
>goths
>not fucking each other
I don't believe tou

>>54422980
>GMs are retarded sometimes.

Fixed that for you. D&D actually covers wits by Wisdom. And saying it's a goblin OOC while insisting on PC not knowing that is peak retard on many levels anyway.

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>>54395381
Wat

>>54393462
TLDR: Metagamer couldn't handle the rules and playing in-game. Passive-aggressively pesters the GM.

>>54395461
that's fucking great
how the GM managed to make your group of faggots stop being imbeciles

>>54395480
>>54412202
you definitely should read how it ends

>>54421881
Like, it didn't happen, but I want to hear more details of how it didn't happen

>>54423118
What's it like, being such a faggot that you live life with dicks in every hole constantly?

>>54411839
It does work like that, dipshit. Stop holding your DM's hand and start learning the rules for yourself. The DM isn't your nanny.

>>54423161
It's as if meeting someone doesn't have a single well-constructed argument to use.

>>54400208
>>net 20!!!! ebiiiiiiiiiiiin!
kill yourself you stupid imbecile

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I don't know if this counts but I broke one of my murder hobo players once.

>Party are all level 1
>Travelling to city and stop to rest at a farmhouse
> Farmer and his wife feed them and offer shelter
>They then say their daughter has been kidnapped by goblins led by ogre and ask the party to rescue her.
>Fighter obviously asks what the reward will be.
>'we'll give you our finest plate set for saving our kidnapped daughter'
>Murder hobo fighter eyes light up, rest of party aren't sure as an ogres tough to kill at level 1, but the fighter is set on having plate at level 1 so convinces them.
>Party go and complete quest, standard dungeon crawl affair, manage to scrape by and survive.
>return daughter
>Farmer is super grateful, gives the party their reward in spoiler
>Fighter splerges out, literal spittle coming out his mouth about how he was tricked , rage quits and leaves the table.
>other members quite happy as an appraise check reveals they're worth a lot of gold.

>>54412318
>cancel something because players are having fun

fuck you

>>54423208
kek

>>54423208
Considering that these was a villein family, I'm impressed that they had that just lying around. I'd have happily accepted it as payment, but I would have made some Ooc comment to the effect of "I see what you did there".

>>54413796
>GM gives me an annoyed look, pic related, and explains very sternly that this is his own idea

reminded me of something that happened

>explaining my setting, that is full of gross unapologetic references and clusterfuck mix of a lot of things that I like
>talking about the status of a country a player says "oh, so its like china's dynasty warriors?"
>"oh, so you noticed?" and continue
why the fuck would I lie?

>>54423279
>why the fuck would I lie?
to preserve your oh-so-delicate ego?

>>54423297
Actually that's not fair, It could very well just be a coincidence.

>>54423312
Occam's Razor says no.

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>>54393823
>What's a Facebook?

>>54422891
>>54422940
hmm, not sure, could be that you both were shitheads. It all depends on if your murderhoboing bullshit is the direct result of disinterest in the campaign, or if you always are like that.

>>54423208
>their reward in spoiler
???

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>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

Jesus wept.

>>54423393
Oh, trust me, this was a vile woman. I ran her antics by /tg/ on multiple occasions.

>rogue takes first night watch
>"you see some moving lights in the distance"
>keeps an eye on them, leaves them alone
>monk takes second watch
>"I go up to them and poke one"
>"They all cluster around you. They're Will'o'Wisps - 20 of them attack!"
>level 4 party
>solo monk
>monk down before he gets a single action
>DM ruling allows him to survive

>I try to make a deal with a magic mirror to get it to betray its evil owner (who was sort of an ally of ours but who followed a god at war with my super religious character's god)
>no luck, leave the mirror
>next day
>"you are pulled by your ankles by a magical force"
>party tries to hold onto me
>"you take 4 damage from being held onto"
>let the force take me
>carries me into the evil mirror owner's dungeon
>no one can get to me, we're all level 1/2
>get tortured
>party try to negotiate for me
>DMisn'thavingit.jpg
>get taken to a temple
>party is surrounded by an entire city of guards
>no useful abilities at such a low level
>forced to sacrifice me
>everyone silent for a while
>DM realises she may have overstepped just a tad
>I ask if I can use my inspiration (which she handed out for me making a pun, the only thing she hands out inspiration for) to bargain with evil god for my life
>and that's the story about how I was forced to multiclass into Warlock to stay alive

>every time I try to work against my new patron my heart gets stopped by the god
>tried to have the curse removed, try to get magical item to cure it
>"nothing is available, you're stuck working at his every whim"

>>54412562
>My Fun > Group Fun > Your Fun.
t. Shit DM desu

>>54423393
Other things she did:

>permanently kill one player's characters multiple times because she hated Italians and he was Italian
>yell at people for asking her to repeat something because we were in a crowded room and couldn't hear her across a large table
>make uncomfortable sex jokes and then pack up her shit and leave in a rage when we laugh at her saying "the goblins grease you up" which was also unnecessary
>give one of her NPCs advantage on an attack against a PC who was aware of the NPC and prepared for a fight because the PC was also talking to someone at the same time
>made barrels of oil cost 8000gp because she didn't want us to have anything we could use as explosives when we voiced a plan to her

>>54395480
Spoiler: The kid is a shit but dm manages to wrangle the PCs

>>54415755
You are. I'd have kicked you out ages ago. If I was a fellow player, I'd argue on behalf of the GM and punch your pussy face the second you started "articulating." I'd ruin the game to put a stop to you.

>>54423512
>>54423474
>>54423393
>sets up a load of clues pointing towards one NPC being the traitor in a city
>local cultists have a key to the NPC's house
>NPC was a poor prostitute who suddenly got rich by association with confirmed cultist
>NPC's house is on the street where we know where the traitor is
>we break into the NPC's house
>DM complains we're being stupid
>we don't find anything
>get arrested
>DM tells us it's our own fault
>later on we find MORE evidence for this being the traitor, that she has the markings of the local cultists on her
>break in again
>DM tells us we're super stupid
>turns out the whole thing was a red herring
>markings on the NPC were birth marks
>"you guys are fucking stupid"

There were 10 of us in the group on and off. Several dropped out. Eventually those of us remaining agreed we had to get out because she was so horrible.

>>54423118
>>54423185
>Subjecting players to one-hit deaths without warning.
>Using homebrew shit without warning.
>Telling players that they couldn't know the information for arbitrary reasons.
>Removing/Changing aspects of the rules just to fuck with the players.

>Still somehow the player's fault.
Okay, whatever you say man. I'm just glad I'll never have to play in your shitty games if you honestly think that the shit that OP's DM did was acceptable.

>>54423430
the picture

>>54395381
Was this written by a fucking Markov chain?

>>54415642
where can I have IRC campaigns?

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>>54420788
>>54420795
>add "friendly goblins" and a DMPC
>expecting the players to not throw a monkey wrench in this wild faggotry

>>54423787
it's not worth it, don't try
but that was from when /tg/ (suptg technically) had its own server, which it may or may not anymore

>>54417200
well done

>>54423713
Oh. I'm dumb.

>>54423799
I don't get what the big deal with friendly goblins is, and the DMPC, as described, is done well. Not overpowered, since they were "keeping [it] alive", and even killed it. It just seems like it was an NPC that was tagging along with them to act as a guide.

And yes, I'd expect that players would actually go along with the plot, and not start murdering friendly NPC's without any warning, since that's what normally happens.

>>54423270
what did he do? I don't get it

>>54414446
>He begins with me that if we just go to her house and try to enter it, we are BREAKING THE LAW, and we have to sneak there
Does not compute... So, this guy's understanding of law and morality is just "everything goes as long as you try to hide it"?

>>54423829
its to not use roll20

I'm already doing live campaigns and stuff, but my disease is not enough

A short story here from a Game of Pathfinder based in the Multiverse of MtG, I feel so sorry for him but it was fun to do.

>Party raiding a sky-ship while visiting Kaladesh to reclaim a piece of an artifact we were trying to put back together
>Me playing an Oread War priest with A Guts Style Greatsword
>Once we have the Artifact after confronting a member of the Plain's evil consulate, we head back to the top deck to which we are greeted with the big chap pictured above
>Chief of the Foundry braces and fires a large 64 foot long and 10 foot wide fire beam directly at the party, Dealing 60 damage each
>Except me, Who passed a Reflex save, halfing the damage to 32, I am also wearing Red Dragon Half-plate which which has Fire Resistance, which reduces the damage taken to 7 DMG.
>Both of party members take near full damage or half, My Oread pats out the small fires on his mechanical arm and draws his Greatsword
>Set Bull Strength as my Free Action, Heroism buff provided by our Centaur Necromancer, Increasing my Attack Bonus.
>Set on Power Attack, allowing only one and the first attack of my roll to be used, Hit dice negative nullified by Bonus provided by Heroism
>Use Sacred Weapon with Keen and Electricity effect, Increasing my critical range
>Roll Attack dice on a Charge
>Maximum Damage and Crit, With damage bonus of Power attack puts my single swing at 62 damage
>Machines Are Weak to Electricity, meaning the damage is Doubled to 114 DMG Points in total
>Chief of the Foundry is then completely Bisected and dies instantly, Denying the DM the long boss fight in which Chief of the Foundry sends Mooks to Gank use while he fires beams
>I am very pleased with myself and the DM ends the session there for the night.

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My dumb ass missed it earlier, this is a Chief of the Foundry

>>54423998
>what did he do?
wow, you are one dense mofo.

>family said that they would reward the PCs with a valuable plate set.
> everyone thought they were talking about plate armor.
> but it turned out to just be a china set

DO YOU GET IT NOW?!

>>54423947
>vile race of thieves and murderers have done nothing but pillage and oppress the good races of wherever
>dwarf has personal animosity towards goblins, which is a racial trait as well as a personal one
>"no guys they're friendly"
>DMPC admits for some reason that they consort with these rats despite the entire party slaughtering them
>DMPC is so essential to the plot that it literally cannot continue without them

>>54423998
A "plate set" vs a "set of plate". Fucker thought they were offering nice armor instead of dishware.

>>54424151
>>54424161
Huh, I was thinking plates from the start and not plate armor. I thought the other guy was mad because it was porcelain and not silver.

>>54423208
>States they'll give you a plate set as a reward.
>Player gets angry for getting a plate set as a reward.

I don't see what else it could've been other than their finest plate set...

>>54424177
I, for one, will not fault you for mistaking another's stupid.

Took me a moment to figure it out myself.

>>54423324
It wouldn't be that much of a stretch.

>>54424160
Well first of all, the whole thing with the animosity being a personal trait was unknown to the DM, so they couldn't really do much about that, but it's not like all dwarves everywhere react violently to goblins regardless of circumstances. These goblins were stated to be the DMPC's friends, and were (presumably) acting in a friendly manner to the PC's, so instantly attacking them when their backs were turned was a dumb move by the dwarf, and marked him as a gigantic flaming racist, pretty much on the same level as Lawful Stupid paladins.

Also, it was mentioned that the party turned on each other, and that they went their separate ways. That's not so much the DMPC being too important to the plot as it is the party being generally unwilling to go along with it.

Of course, we don't really know the plot from what was told, so it could be that the DMPC was just their employer, so of course the job would end with his death, or it could be something else, I dunno.

Meh, a dick story but w/e:

Decide to join a VtM game, find myself surrounded by my friend GM and goths that prove stereotypes right.
>fucker GM suckered me into this.

Decided to roll with it because I wanted to try VtM. Roll a human so I can learn about stuff and watch the politics. Apprently this ignites weird fetishes amongst my peers.

>fuckthisshit.jpg

Quickly figure out group is in bed (literally) with the local prince, who has some access time magics. Who is, delightfully, as big a dick as he should be.

Somewhere in my second session I give up, and (openly) begin acquiring the means to build my ticket out of this game.

>totally not a homemade flamethrower

Two sessions later there's a council meeting at the local college with everyone under the prince's domain attending, PC's had assassinated a Baron and the Prince was smoothing things over.

I was not (of course) invited.

>hueh hueh hueh

The meeting was in a classroom, image their surprise when I open the side door and catch the prince and his bodyguard with burning kerosene.

>try time magic while burning fucker.

Naturally my flamethrower runs out and they tear my character to pieces, but not before I get around 12 of the leeches with bouts of glorious, cleansing flame.

I hear I got most of the Prince's council, and the goths had a quite a time with the whole "karma's a bitch thing".

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>>54415805
>a grand adventure featuring the most straight-laced, homophobic, autistic wizard and an Orc who is ridiculed for hating demons after everyone he knows is killed by demons
Yes, this campaign was going places.

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>>54415805
Not my best work, but feel free to edit it to make it better.

>>54423512
why did you keep playing with her?

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>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

>>54423208
that sounds EXACTLY like something my DM would do

>>54415805
>"GM, can I use Prestidigitation to bend the light of the sun into my eyes and then reflect it across the land so my eyes can be telescopes?"

I'm surprised the Gm didn't just shout:
"THAT'S NOT HOW PRESTIDIGITATION WORKS! THAT'S NOT HOW LIGHT WORKS! AND THAT'S NOT HOW TELESCOPES WORK! GOOD DAY SIR!"

Though I suspect he might've been so worn down by this point that he had no more energy left to get mad.

... Or if the GM is feeling particularly "old testament"-ish he could've said "Oh yes you can bend light directly into your eyes using that spell" and when he does, inform him that he has completely burned-out his retinas and is now permanently blind, and for added punishment his condition has been cursed such that only a miracle spell cast by a god can restore his sight.

>>54425620
>that sounds EXACTLY like something my DM would do
I did that all the time when I ran Pathfinder, It was more interesting for me to have their treasure come in the form of trade goods so they'd have to decide what they could haul out of the dungeon, what they would have to leave behind, and how they were going to sell it, or instead just use the items themselves.

>>54420151
When I play a medic, I try my best to make up some shit about sewing, tendons, stopping hemorrhages and stuff. I don't know jackshit about that but that won't stop me from putting at least minimal degree of imagination and work into it. I don't declare that "I do the thing with the scalpel".

>>54424340
On the other hand, the DM could have taken five seconds to see "oh hey this dwarf super babby hates goblins, I'll change these important goblin NPCs to er.. kobolds or gnomes or something"
After all, just how important was it that they HAD to be goblins?

And then later on, they can fight some goblins. Everybody wins.

>>54425930
At that point it becomes a matter of personal preference. Do you take back what happened earlier and retcon stuff, or do you try to move on with the game as is. The sad fact is that the dwarf player is also apparently stupidly murderous towards goblin sympathizers, and attacked the DMPC, who by this point would have been with them for quite a while, and was probably at least important to and/or friendly with the party. At that point things apparently ended, and that's that.

I think that the whole thing could have worked and made for some interesting roleplay, but the dwarf player is apparently just THAT bad, since the party split up permanently and the campaign ended.

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>>54420678
>>DMPC is upset; they were his friend
>>"Goblin lover you say?"
>>DMPC's corpse is left for the wolves
holy fuck
top laff

>>54426081
Guys, don't forget the other players also started teamkilling to steal each other's items. It was just a fucker's group.

>>54426212
That's also true. Pretty much all the players in this situation are horrible, from what I've seen. I'm glad they're not I'm any of my groups, thank Christ.

>>54422664
>I didn't read but I'm going to post anyway
(You)

>>54421610
Pretty sure a noble would have a fatass field manual they consult everytime they see an unfamiliar bush.

>>54393462
>>"You breathed in the spores of a goblinoid, which erupts from their body whenever they take damage and has a chance to form into a new goblinoid and erupt from the victim's chest."

That's pretty fucking neato.

He had a cool idea to make goblins different while aesthetically keeping them goblins, you just assumed you could be a genre-savvy know-it-all.

Totally agree he was a dick for the rest of the story though. Your weaponized passive-aggressiveness was justified.

>>54426800
That high of a DC and such a short gestation period should mean the pseudo-goblins ought to have overrun the world by now though. One pseudo-goblin manages to sneak into a sewer and the whole city is fucked.

>>54426894
I could see this explaining why there are so many goblins even though they're short-lived (the usual answer is that they breed a lot), plus it sounds like it's only a 1:1 birth rate. A party of 5 adventurers? That's only 5 more goblins, IF the adventurers don't just kill them all. I'm guessing spore-goblins are still weak but numerous. Plus the post only says there's a CHANCE of it happening.

Their ecology could be explained in different ways, maybe the spore-goblins don't venture into urban areas? Goblins usually live in mountains and caves.

Don't get me wrong, the DM does sound horrible and he should have hinted at it somehow, but I also don't think "make a knowledge roll" before every single monster encounter is the way to go (in the same way "do we know what an elf is?", "do we know what a door is?" isn't the way to go either).

>>54426212
My guess is that the players, seeing the GM mope in a corner, decided the game was over (which it was) and went ham.

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VtM game at the college "game club"
>every encounter looks like this
>a session later an intelligent and charismatic Toreador tries to beat everyone to death, other players try to get him out of fights and end up talking with people
>few session later I made him to sweet talk a girl
>"Bitch, let me pass!"
>"You CAN'T do that"
>"Why the fuck did you wanna bang?"
>whatdididotodeservethis.gif harder."
>"It doesn't work. Try harder."
>what
>everyone like this
>Toreador tries to beat everyone to get my gun out and threaten him!"
>"Yeah, I smack him in the balls!"
>Finally he stops
>another player, who's playing ex-mobster looks like this
>Toreador, now use your fucking speech!"
>"It doesn't know how"
>"Yeah, I smack him in the balls!"
>"Why the head!"
>another player, who's playing speech!"
>"O-okay?"
>"He's a dirty capitalist pig."